I think it’s really important to have at least one “Why you should hate Heather Mills” story a week. And let’s be honest, the woman provides fodder for at least nine. Sometimes you’re sitting there thinking, “I’d really like to write about so-and-so, but what have they done lately?” And that’s when you end up with stories about how Terri Hatcher once fell of a tractor. And then sometimes you’re sitting there thinking, “I’d really like to write about so-and-so, but they’ve done so many terrible, offensive things lately that I can’t even begin to choose.” And that’s when you end up with stories like this.

Heather Mills - the world’s most self-involved vegan - has taken her animal-rights platform to a new high. Or low, depending on how you feel about Heather Mills… and how you feel about animals. This is a tricky post to write, because I want to insult Heather as much as possible, without insulting animals. But since the two are intrinsically linked (at least in terms of this story), please know that any offending of animals and/or animals rights is merely the accidental, yet inevitable, byproduct of hating on Ms. Mills. Anyhoo, the animal rights group Vegetarians International Voice for Animals (or Viva, as they’re creatively known), has unfortunately decided to align themselves with England’s most hated one-legged woman. While I respect the group, they probably could have chosen a more likable spokes-vegan. Viva is trying to get people to stop eating meat or consuming any animal products by focusing on the negative impact that livestock have on global warming. Yeah apparently each cow equals twelve SUVs or something. It’s not good. You know how the smell of cows makes you wrinkle your nose? It does the same thing to Mother Earth, just on a much larger scale.

“When (Viva!) told me it [the environmental impact of livestock on global warming] was 18 percent, that’s more than all global transport, I was in shock. Airplanes only bring 3 percent, while they are being picked on with taxes,” she said Monday. Mills, 39, asked people to “cut down on one or two meat and dairy and fish dishes a week. We are the only species that drinks another person’s milk, so why aren’t we drinking rat’s milk, or dog’s milk, or cat’s milk, that’s how crazy it is,” she said.

“It’s mad that we are having cow’s milk. Even cows don’t drink it after one year but we continue forever.” Mills has posed for a poster for the Viva! campaign, headlined: “Hey, Meaty, you’re making me so hot!”

[From Yahoo! News]

I totally respect Viva’s message, and if that message had come from anyone other than Heather Mills, I think I’d be able to hear it. But because it came from the woman who instructed Paul McCartney on how to sing, it makes me want to go out and eat a double cheeseburger every day this week, then wash it down with a big glass of milk. Or it could be because I’m on a diet and that sounds like a fabulous thing to do anyway, but adding the potential pissing-off of Heather Mills to the equation and the temptation becomes nearly insurmountable.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Heather Mills is shown stumping for Viva on 11/19/07 in London, thanks to PRPhotos.