Mindy Kaling covers the September issue of Marie Claire, mostly to promote the new season of Never Have I Ever, but she’s got so much going on right now as a writer and producer. She’s stepped back from acting for the most part, which bums me out. Mindy was an underrated comedy actress, but I get it. Now we just get Mindy’s excellent scripts and productions. Mindy talks a lot about her two kids, being a single mom, mental health and inclusion. Oh, and she bought herself a beach house for her 40th birthday! She reveals that in the interview, that’s incredible. Some highlights:
Her beachfront home. “It was this incredibly extravagant 40th birthday present to myself.”
She won’t discuss her kids’ conception stories. “I want them to be old enough to talk to me about it and [tell me] how they want me to talk about it. I’m the only parent my kids have…I think I err on the side of super cautious so that there’s less things that they can potentially be mad at me about down the line.”
On the rumor that BJ Novak fathered her two children: “[The rumor] doesn’t bother me. He’s the godparent to both my kids — and they have such a great relationship. [The rumors haven’t] affected my happiness at all, it hasn’t affected my kids or B.J. If that’s what is going to be titillating to people, I’ll take it.”
Waiting to have kids: “I waited until I had the means and that made all the difference.” She pointedly addresses the privilege in her statement, noting the recent overturning of Roe v. Wade. “The choice to have a child—by yourself, on your own terms—it was the best part of my life…It’s the thing that I hope women feel confident doing by themselves.”
She wishes young women would freeze their eggs: “I wish every 19-year-old girl would come home from college and that the gift—instead of buying them jewelry or a vacation or whatever—is that their parents would take them to freeze their eggs…They could do that once and have all these eggs for them, for their futures…to focus in your twenties and thirties on your career, and yes, love, but to know that when you’re emotionally ready, and, if you don’t have a partner, you can still have children.”
The shift in her career: “I think in my twenties I was only focused on, Okay, I don’t want to get fired. I want to be successful, and I was only thinking about myself. In no way was I thinking about things that are the most important to me now, which is my health, holding the door open behind me for other people… I kind of lived a way more selfish existence, which is also boring…[Now] I’m surrounded by so many more people. My immediate family, obviously, with my children, but also this community of young women on my show. When I write shows about Indian women and what they’re interested in, I want to do something original, but I also don’t want to shy away from things that I’ve seen before: obsession with success; elitism about schools. Those are things that were real in my family, and I’ve been dealing with that. But also what’s really important was destigmatizing mental health.”
She loves to run: Her mental health is directly tied to “the restorative power of a run,” something she does daily. “I’m always so self-conscious talking about how much I love running because I don’t look like someone who’s athletic or anything. But it has really helped me…It just focuses me and makes me a better writer. I think I’m a friendlier person, a more patient mom.”
Not being on camera has been a significant factor in fueling her wellbeing. “The amount of articles that were like, ‘It’s so good for a culture that this unattractive woman is finally on camera.’ I didn’t know I was so unattractive until I was the star of my own show. So not having to see those things, that’s wonderful.”
She’s a single mom in her 40s, trying to find love: She hasn’t “ruled out romance. Culture largely says, ‘We don’t wanna hear about you. Your entire deal bums everyone out.’ If you’re a 42-year-old [single] woman with kids, it makes people sad… I’m like, ‘There is hope for us. There could be great stories about women, like me, finding love, finding happiness…’ I can’t imagine anyone besides me would write it, so I have to find the time to do that.”
She’s the happiest she’s ever been: “After being so unhappy in my teenage years and in my 20s…I feel so content now. I am so happy with my career. I love my family. I love my freedom—I have the freedom that comes with being financially stable, and I don’t have to run anything by anybody.…I love going to set and watching these actors saying my words and coming up to me and asking my take on things…It’s beyond the wildest dreams that my late-mother could have hoped for me.”
This bums me out: “I didn’t know I was so unattractive until I was the star of my own show. So not having to see those things, that’s wonderful.” I hate to think that’s why she’s stepped away from acting. She’s right though, those articles did exist and so many people were like “wow, they’ll let ANYONE be a romantic-comedy lead, huh?” But I love what she says about financial freedom and choosing to be a single mom and choosing to be the big boss. “I don’t have to run anything by anybody” – that’s a special kind of fairytale too. As for the BJ Novak stuff… I go back and forth on it, but these days, I don’t think he fathered those kids, actually?
Cover & IGs courtesy of Marie Claire.
Her life bums only misogynists. To any sane woman, her life looks like fairytale. She’s free, she has a full life and is empowered enough to choose if she wants a partner or not. She’s living the dream. Go Mindy!
Exactly this!
Yes. It is a dream life for many women and Mindy acknowledges her privilege. I have several friends in their 40s who never found ‘the guy’ but wanted kids. Without financial/personal help it’s really hard and they didn’t want to do it alone.
Her life seems amazing full and wonderful to me. The opposite of sad. And I love seeing a woman on screen who is shaped more like the women I see around me. And she is so beautiful! She is also a great actress. i’ve only seen her on comedy roles but she nails the timing.
Hear, hear!! She’s definitely living MY dream! Go Mindy!! I love that she bought herself a beach house! Now she can go stay in her beautiful house by the sea content in the knowledge that it is hers and that she has the means to gift herself wonderful things.
I just binge watched Season 3 of “Never Have I Ever” and it was beyond good. I loved Seasons 1 & 2 (they were just what I needed when I watched them too) and Season 3 exceeded all expectations. The writing, the acting, everything is *chef’s kiss* perfection.
Anyhow, I kind of love that nobody knows her kids’ origin stories. And I love Mindy – smart, funny and gorgeous.
I just binge-watched all 3 seasons – what a lovely show! Funny and moving. The lead actress is outstanding. Very happy to hear the next season is coming soon.
And yes – I love Mindy too, and her advocating of women choosing to have kids on their own terms when (and if) they’re ready. Never thought BJ was the the dad though. She wouldn’t have named him godfather if he was “Dad” too, right? THAT would have been confusing for the kids!
Yes. This was my favorite season so far. And I’d like to add another accomplishment to Mindy: casting director. She picked out a complete unknown who had never professionally acted and she turns out to be amazing. Maitreyi Ramakrishnan just keeps getting better every season.
The Mindy Project was about gynaecologists and a fertility clinic. Her mother was a OB/GYN. Clearly, she used a donor. Same with January Jones.
We’re in an age where women who are independent, thriving and ready to have kids, can. Which is awesome. But sure, the scandal rumours are more delicious.
Mindy Project is still one of my all time favourite shows ever. It’s so funny
I hate to admit that I hadn’t watched the Mindy Project, but I have been awake all night watching it since about 1, when I couldn’t go back to sleep. It’s a wonderful show and I am loving every bit of it!!
I find it heartbreaking to hear her tell her stories of not being being attractive until she was in her first show. She is stunning to me and I think that Hollywood has become too toxic for anyone who doesn’t look like the blonde, blue eyed , size 0 woman. They need to let it go……
I hate that she had to deal with people commenting on her appearance. I think she is really beautiful! I have to think staying behind the camera takes a lot of that pressure off of her though. Whatever the situation, she’s absolutely killing it, and living her best life.
Yeah that is something i thought when i saw the Mindy Project for the first time. She is not a classic Hollywood beauty but neither are the most of us. But she is really cute and far, far from ugly. And she has the “It” Factor for the camera. Many typical and boring blondes dont have it. So i would like to see her on screen more often.
I also think she’s really pretty! That part made me so sad for her, and TMP was hilarious. The people saying rude things about her from their keyboards probably look like Shrek.
It truly is a weird mindset, that we only want to watch beautiful people on TV (with a very narrowly defined idea of ‘beauty’), leading the watcher to believe that love or success or fun or the full experience of life is only for the beautiful, when all we have to do is look around us. Everyone we meet or encounter in life is living a full life, full of joy & happiness & sorrow & success. Just truly weird that Hollywood hasn’t figured that out yet.
Well, being 38, single, with a good job and spending money, friends you love, and NO kids is what actually bums everyone out. She at least did one thing we are supposed to do, procreate. But yeah, I get her point.
I hope there is more context to the egg freezing though. Because … nope. Someone in the office recently went that route at 40 and felt the need to tell me to do the same at (at the time) 37 because … time was of the essence I guess. Please leave my ovaries alone. That’s a few thousand bucks I can spend on something else.
Completely agree @Emmi. There is this urban myth that all women are dying to have kids, especially past a certain age…and it is patently untrue. Yes, many do, and many have them from an internal cultural pressure, but some…genuinely have zero desire. Or are on the fence to the point of leaning off the fence. And that is the next stigma we need to shake.
I don’t think that it is anyones business if you should or shouldn’t have children. It’s infuriating that so many people expect women to have children. My daughter doesn’t want children and I respect her decision. I congratulated her in her decision. Some women want children and some don’t.
It’s time for everyone to stay out of our uterus’s.
It not just an expectation with social impacts: see the story about the woman denied crucial pain meds, treatment for chronic debilitating conditions she actually had … because a male doctor decided that the risk to a hypothetical child that the woman did not have, was not carrying in her body, did not want and was taking active steps to avoid conceiving trumped her ability to live her life safely and pain free.
PS – freezing eggs is not a guarantee of anything. There are some successes, but also many failures when it comes to actually having a child.
@NorthofBoston, that story *enraged* me. I honestly don’t think my blood pressure has gone back down to normal since reading it. That poor woman. I cannot.
It’s troubling to see her act as if having one’s eggs harvested/retrieved is so easy. It’s a weeks long process ending in an invasive procedure that costs thousands of dollars. plus there are no studies whatsoever on whether there are long term risks associated with egg harvesting or what those risks might be. It’s only going to be an option if the parents have discretionary income. And even if they do, better for a teenager’s parents to contribute that money to college tuition or helping them buy a house/car or set up a business.
The options also vary wildly from country to country. The woman I know went to the US to have it done because you can actually freeze fertilized eggs. It was in the five figures. You cannot do that here. So I would spend around 8k to get treatments I don’t want for a procedure I definitely do not want to freeze eggs for children I do NOT want at this point! I was always totally indifferent to children. The right man has not come along. I’m good with that. I’m not having a baby at 45 so … yeah.
Yes yes yes, Emmi, agree with everything you say here.
Gawd, I love her. I identify with so many of the things she said here. I am a 42 year old woman with 2 kids who runs but doesn’t look like a runner. I spent my 20s and 30s terrified of being fired or labeled a fraud. I was laid off earlier this year and, while it was scary, I handled it well overall and landed a new job quickly. I just want to live a life personally, professionally, and spiritually that holds the door open behind me, as Mindy said. And if I happen to give someone a good example of how to act right in a specific scenario, then that’s a success.
I love that rock halter top thing she’s wearing!
Me too, and the earrings!! I want those earrings!!!!
Me, too! What a beautiful, creative, original use of polished stones. LOVE
I thought that was a great photo of her, too.
I think she’s beautiful and hot! It’s a shame the comments of people online affected that way.
I love her! Also came to say I know Steve Carrell and co get all the credit for the Office success, but if you pay close attention, she’s the writer of some of the best episodes! And her skewering of her character Kelly Kapur is so nuanced and hilarious and amazing, she alone is worth the rewatch.
The cold open for Stress Release – the famous CPR scene – when the camera pulls back and you see Kelly dancing in her own little world. I lose it every time.
She was so great in the Office. Acting and writing. The Injury is one of my all time episodes of any show ever.
She’s my forever girl crush.
@Susan, I’d noticed that, too! Some of the absolute funniest episodes were written by her and she definitely doesn’t get enough credit.
Love Mindy Kaling, i think she is intelligent, witty, trailbrazing, incredibly successful, general bad-ass. I hate that despite all of this, we still need to ponder whether she is beautiful or not, and re-affirm that yes we do find her beautiful.
Sometimes i feel like like , women also contribute to this, by applying the tagline “beautiful” as a band-aid reassuring one another, when this should be the least of our qualities but it is what we are defined by.
I’ve learned that being a 40-something year old woman WITHOUT kids, it makes people sad, so um yeah there’s that.
I don’t get why tho? I’m 29 and do NOT want children. I already get annoyed at the constant, pitying questions of “why not” how about bc I don’t wanna!
Yes! People will say “I am sorry.” I, myself, am not!
The comments about her appearance definitely got to her (they’d get to me too) because she looks completely different these days. It’s her face and therefore her choice completely, however there’s a bit of a quiet sadness to it, as well. That this smart, funny, talented woman was made to feel so badly about herself. Also, I wish she’d kick BJ to the curb, whatever their situation is. He seems toxic AF.
I think being the star of her own show taught Mindy alot about how society (i.e. white society) perceives her and that’s an incredibly tough pill to swallow. I remember reading that ppl thought Mindy was average or less than average looking and Mindy is someone who clearly puts effort and enjoys dolling herself up and I don’t care how confident you are, there’s no way to read that and not internalize it esp if you already thought that about yourself.
One thing that I think doesn’t get talked enough is how Mindy looks like the average Indian woman. Both Bollywood and even in Hollywood all Indian actors were thin, tall, light skinned with euroccentric features. Mindy has an average build (which as someone who has that and works out is refreshing to see) and looks more like the average Indian which is great. There is literally no one in Bollywood with her build or looks even to this day but I’m glad she was able to in Hollywood b/c she’s clearly talented.
Totally! I suspect in her own community she was made to feel less than because of colorism and then she was criticized in white Hollywood in terms of her perceived lack of beauty
Mindy is a comedic genius. I love her. I do not love what she’s done to her face – the lips especially. I will never understand how/why people think that look is attractive. It’s so unnatural. I have friends in their 30s starting to tweak their faces, and it doesn’t always turn out. I fully understand the desire to look younger, but at what cost.
Thanks for saying something. I’ve been so distracted–for years! It makes me sad. I’m glad she’s living her best life, but it really feels like she’s not free in the looks area, at least to me. (I’m not either 🙂 )
I just recently found out people consider her not pretty O.o I had no clue, I think she’s pretty! I watched her show, even rewatched recently, I think she’s so attractive, people are surprising me on this one. Totally agree about freezing eggs and having children when finances allow.
I don’t think anyone in The Office was meant to be good looking since it was about an average office job with average looking people in an average Pennsylvania town which actually is what offices look like. There aren’t a bunch of model type people in real life working in offices.
One of the best expressions I’ve heard is how women view their friends through the female gaze (which is more forgiving) while they view themselves through the male gaze which is harsh/unforgiving .
Many women (both cis and not) think Mindy is attractive. However many men especially those in power (i.e. white cis men) do not. On the Archetypes podcast, Mindy spoke about how she didn’t have her first kiss until after college and went both through HS and college without a bf which esp when you don’t look like the majority around you (she grew up in New England) and are, in Mindy’s own words, “overweight”, yeah its hard not to internalize that and think you aren’t attractive. She even talked in the podcast how her friends all of have husbands or partners who are either less ambitious or just as and she’s wondered why not her?
Mindy is now making up for lost time dolling herself and making thirst traps for herself and her fans which is great for her! But considering she knows she will never play the “beautiful girl next door” in a Paul Thomas Anderson film, unless she herself writes and produces it is heartbreaking to say the least. And when she did write it to get that feedback that many don’t find you attractive and that the men cast as your love interest would never find you attractive irl can bring anyone’s self esteem to the pits. That’s why I love seeing Mindy doing stuff, b/c her occupying space in such a white eurocentric industry is almost like an act of rebellion and I love that for her.
I wish I had frozen eggs in my 20s! By the time I was ready to have a child ( at 32!!!) it was almost impossible and it was all due to diminished ovarian reserve. Everyone doesn’t have to take that drastic step, but some certainly should! It would have saved me a few rounds of ivf!
Mindy’s life is enviable! I have never viewed happiness through the lens of having a partner (although having a good partner is amazing). She is a success story, full stop. Furthermore, she seems to bring joy to her projects and colleagues, which is a really underrated trait. Go Mindy!!
I don’t understand this statement at all.
Why would anyone be sad about someone else’s children or age?
Strikes me as a move for attention.
Too Chrissy Teigen like.
I think maybe you just read the headline? The comment is in the context of online dating, seemingly she’s experienced her matches being disappointed she’s over 40, and further disappointed that she’s a mother.
It makes a lot of sense in context, especially if you have any experience with online dating as a woman!
I just started watching The Mindy Project because y’all recommended it and I’m so stoked to have something to watch. There is such a dearth of smart funny shows that aren’t aimed completely for men. So many of my friends have fertility problems, I get what she says about freezing your eggs-but man is it devastating when that road becomes a dead end. I was convinced for most of my life that I didn’t want kids and now I’m 44 with 3 of them and the youngest just turned one and I feel the privilege of my situation-the freedom of time-the freedom of society(yesterdays America) to make my own choices and then alter them. Anyway these Mindy stories are great and inspire some truly interesting discussions-more Mindy!
And one day some State would pass a law requiring women to unfreeze the eggs and have the babies whether they want to or not and the Supreme Court will uphold the law.
Frozen eggs aren’t fertilized. You must mean embryos. Though there would be too many and the cost would be so high that it wouldn’t really be possible.
It’s great that she decided for herself to start her family and have her babies on her own and in her own time. I enjoyed her conversation with Meghan on Archetypes and how it was clear she had a plan and didn’t want to settle with some loser guy. She seems to have a great support system with her dad, step mother, nanny and BJ.
I wish that I was able to afford this in my 30’s to early 40’s but alas, it was not in the cards for me then.
It was interesting that she didn’t mention her horrible brother as apart of her family. Like Meghan she knows she doesn’t have to take the abuse just cause they’re blood relatives.
I think women that choose to not have kids really get the brunt of comments and pity by other women. How about we let people live how they want to?
Yesss! When I say I do not want children I always get the pitying “really? Why?” I just say I actually don’t need a reason I just don’t. Other people will go “when u meet the right guy” I just say when I meet the right guy he will respect me enough to respect my decision and if he doesn’t he clearly isn’t the “right guy” 🤣 I don’t justify it to anyone. It’s my decision!
Yes to all of this. A woman making decisi8ns on decisions and being in command of her life terrifies misogynists – men and women.
I am a single mom by choice and I completely agree. I got grief from some quarters for choosing to have a child by myself — including my personal favorite — “It’s OK if you adopt, but not if you give birth.” But it’s nothing compared to the nagging and comments received my married friends who chose not to have kids….
In general, I agree with Mindy, but obviously her financial situation puts her in a huge bubble of privilege for getting help with her home and children. I also see that among the single moms that I know. Those with high salaries and/or family wealth are able to pay for a lot of support, and still have expendable income. I know others who are public school teachers and other (relatively) lower paying professions who really make a huge financial sacrifice to have their children on their own.
My single parenthood didn’t include a nanny (bundled up my son and his breast milk every morning to take him to child care). I own my own home, but it’s a two-bedroom bungalow in a working class neighborhood. My kid has what he needs — and some of the things that he wants — but our budget is definitely tighter than most of his friends from professional families with two parents. Help with cooking, housecleaning, and yardwork is not in my budget — so it’s less quality time that I spend with my kid.
And, probably the biggest was choosing to have only one child because I couldn’t afford to pay childcare for two children. (Even paying for good childcare for one kid put me into debt for years — a quarter of my take-home pay went to childcare even with the tax break — and I make an, albeit fairly modest, white-collar salary.)
@ Malificent
You’re doing a great job. You sound like you’re being a bit hard on yourself. Owning your own home is a BIG deal ! That’s amazing. You work and provide for your child. Your child is loved. Doing things on your own is so hard, but you’re doing it ! Be proud of yourself. I hope your child knows how lucky they are. Some childrent live in two parent homes but never feel the love a child should.
I adore Mindy!! She is a legend!
I did not subscribe to Hulu until this month, so I finally get to view all episodes of the Mindy Project on its tenth anniversary. It exactly the smart, hilarious programming I need to make me laugh in these dark days.
To me, Mindy is Lucille Ball, with an ability to write jokes about the isosceles triangle.
What is sad is what she has done to get face and her photoshop ing. Especially since she espouse valuing yourself as you are.
I just love Mindy, I really connected to her after her first book. I listened to her Archetypes episode the other day and thought she really has a talent for just…having a conversation. Which is harder than people think. It seems like she’s got a lock on steering her internal sense of purpose and not getting distracted, and that’s something I envy because my brain is a scattered mess.
I’m more convinced the BJ is the father after this interview, though. I think they have an unconventional relationship and came to an unconventional agreement about him donating with no strings attached because she wanted kids and he’s a person close to her that she trusts. Just where my antenna went.