How many stories have I started off by sarcastically saying “Poor Chris Brown”? I don’t think I’m capable of any other intro. It just bums me out so badly when stuff doesn’t go right for him, you know? Why does bad stuff happen to sh*tty people? In that vein, dear Chris really isn’t feeling the love from his fans. Maybe because his fans don’t love him anymore? Thus he doesn’t have many fans? Once in a while it’s clear he’s got about four fans left, from the occasional comments they leave on our Chris Brown stories. Hey Chris, if you really want to know where your fans are, I can give you their ISPs. You can do an intimate performing session with your only remaining true believers. Because you sure aren’t selling out the concerts.

Looks like Chris Brown’s past might haunt him “Forever.” The scorned singer is attempting a comeback with his “Fan Appreciation” tour, which kicks off next week, but he hasn’t had much luck filling even the small venues he’s set to perform in. The gigs – which start at the House of Blues in Houston on Nov. 14 and end in the Big Apple’s Nokia Theater on Dec. 15 – aren’t even close to sold out. In fact, anyone who’s interested can still purchase up to 50 tickets at a time for Brown’s opening night.

“This is definitely not the outcome [Chris’ label] Jive Records hoped for,” says an industry exec, adding that the poor ticket sales are surely a result of Brown’s now-infamous altercation with Rihanna in February. “Chris lost a lot of fans after he assaulted Rihanna. And after that whole scandal, he’s not exactly kid-friendly. What parent would buy their children tickets to his concert?” Brown’s agent, meanwhile, says he’s not worried about the sluggish sales. “Dates are expected to sell out,” insists the flack, “and given the economic climate, ticket sales are doing very well.”

But another industry insider says the tour may be premature, considering Brown’s “Graffiti” album doesn’t drop until Dec. 8. “Had this tour fallen on the heels of a smash album, compared to his climbing single ‘I Can Transform Ya,’ ticket counts might have been better,” says the source. That logic may explain why the release of “Graffiti” has been pushed up a week – it was originally slated for a Dec. 15 debut. “This may be Jive’s way of boosting Chris’ head count for the Manhattan show,” says the music insider. “The turnout at Nokia is pretty crucial. If he can get a big crowd in New York City, it’ll be a good sign that he can regain control of his career.”

[From Gatecrasher]

I get that this wasn’t what Brown’s label was hoping for, but didn’t they realize this is what would probably happen? I really hope I can eat at McDonald’s three times a day without consequences, and I try to keep positive thoughts in my head, but I’m normally not acting all shocked when the scale cracks a few days later. Keep your expectations rational and realistic, people. Here’s a thought to Jive: maybe drop Chris Brown. He’s a sinking ship, and he wants to bring you all down with him.

I am super psyched to see what the Billboard charts look like the week Brown’s album debuts. I’m sure it’ll be in the top 100, but it’d make me really happy if it didn’t crack the top 20. It’s too bad, because the guy did have talent. But temper trumps talent.

Here’s Chris performs during POWER 105.1’s Powerhouse concert at in East Rutherford, New Jersey on October 27th. Images thanks to Fame Pictures .