Jason Lewis – Learn to act with his pants ON.

Ashley Olsen – Eat a Triscut

Victoria Beckham – film hardcore sex movie to raise money for Shih Tzu Rescue

Tony Parker – Catch a “Desperate Housewives” episode between games

Liza Minnelli – save the booze for when she is driving

Sharon Stone- only park in the handicap spots when she is really, really high

Kelly Ripa – Kill, eat Regis Philbin

Conan O’Brien- Keep the Beard, shave the crotch

Britney Spears – Take some time out from watching the kids for some “me” time

Carson Kressley – get lasik surgery to worsen his eyesight

Kiefer Sutherland – become the toughest guy in the yard

Lindsay Lohan – go to re-hab to find a new boyfriend

Will Smith – get his Thetan level higher

Nick Hogan – enroll in the Devry institute, move to Argentina

Paris Hilton – Find another rich Grandfather

Angelina Jolie – Adopt Brad Pitt

Demi More – get that plastic surgery on her knuckles and toes to make herself complete

Tara Ried – quit spending so much money on underpants

K Fed – put his kids on the nutritious “Lucky Charms” diet

Dave Chapelle – turn down the first eight truckloads of money, accept the 9th

Pam Anderson – Mary someone who wasn’t on a Hollywood sex tape

Sacha Baron Cohen – resist urge to punch people who come up to him and yell “verrrry Niiiiiice”