Enquirer: Angelina Jolie attempted suicide, but not really

angelina-enquirer

The National Enquirer’s cover story this week is “Angelina Jolie’s Suicide Attempt” but please don’t be fooled. Through the course of a dozen sentences, the Enquirer reveals that Angelina’s “suicide attempt” was basically ordering Brad to come home when he was away for a few days. She didn’t even say “I’m going to kill myself” according to the Enquirer, so I fail to see how this was even a “cry for help”. Unless Angelina is so friggin’ powerful that she only thinks the word “suicide” and magically, a baby dove flies in with a bottle of sleeping pills. I swear, I’m not trying to make light of genuine suicide attempts – I’m only pointing out that the Enquirer’s ridiculous cover and story is the real mockery of a serious topic.

After falling into a deep depression, Angelina Jolie attempted suicide!

And now Brad Pitt has sprung into action to make sure the mother of his children doesn’t try taking her life again, sources tell The ENQUIRER.

The sultry brunette beauty confessed to Brad that she was afraid her suicidal tendencies would return after learning that he’d made plans to move out on his own, according to insiders.

But the big-screen hunk assured her the separation would be temporary, and their love would survive the split, sources say.

“Brad was in France checking on their chateau recently, and Angelina was in Los Angeles with the kids when she called him in a panic,” a friend divulged.

“She told him, ‘When you’re not around, I get these terrible feelings. I got the same feelings when I was younger, and that’s when I tried to kill myself.’

“Angelina said, ‘I feel lost without you – like I’m being abandoned.'”

But Brad, 46, immediately reassured the high-strung Angelina that he wasn’t leaving her for good, even though he’ll be living apart from her and their six children while they work on separate movie projects, the friend revealed.

“Brad quickly calmed Angelina down.

“I’ll always be there for you and the kids. I promise.'”

Angelina’s cry for help stunned those close to her, especially Brad.

For THE FULL STORY with all the details of Angie’s suicidal tendencies, her “dark passenger” and why she’s so desperate to maintain her sanity in the wake of mounting genealogical fear = Pick up the new ENQUIRER on sale now!

[From The National Enquirer]

“Mounting genealogical fear”? Err… what? Are they referring to Angelina’s fears that she’s get ovarian cancer like her mom (in which case, she simply start getting screened right now, which would be a far more interesting and educational story), or are they making some weird reference to Angelina trying to get pregnant again? Like, Angelina has a “mounting genealogical fear” that she won’t be able to get pregnant again? I swear, even though the Enquirer gets it right sometimes, there are other times when I think the writers are just doing stories based on Mad Libs.

Oh, and one more piece of Jolie news: she was named by the Guiness Book of World Records as the “most powerful actress” of the decade. Johnny Depp was named the most powerful actor. I can’t wait to see the two “most powerful” actors nail each other in a shower.

Enquirer image courtesy of Enquirer online.

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55 Responses to “Enquirer: Angelina Jolie attempted suicide, but not really”

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  1. truthSF says:

    A day without some bulls**t brangelina story is the day the world will end, UGH!!!

  2. snowball says:

    I do find it entertaining that they have someone reporting back to them what St. Angie and Brad said when they were on the phone with each other.

    In some interview she gave, she said she doesn’t like being without Brad. It sounds like the Enquirer took that tidbit and ran with it.

  3. Beth says:

    Funny how Brad did several IB premieres and Angelina did several UN trips alone but all of the sudden she’s suicidal everytime they are apart. Why NE say she attempted suicide when the story doesn’t even back that claim up?

  4. Black Kat says:

    MMM..yes, more botox in my forehead please.

  5. TaylorB says:

    Man, I miss the Weekly World News, at least their totally fabricated stories were funny as h*ll, unlike the Enquirer. This story would have been much better if Angie was ‘upset’ because Brad refused to let her adopt Bat Boy.

  6. Codzilla says:

    Does she wear colored contact lenses, or is that her natural eye color? Just curious.

  7. EMINE says:

    OK,IF SHE HAS A HISTORY WITH SUICIDAL ATTEMPTS ,THEN WHY IS SHE ALLOWED TO ADOPT CHILDREN?OR MAYBE THIS IS JUST BS.

  8. Praise St. Angie! says:

    “I do find it entertaining that they have someone reporting back to them what St. Angie and Brad said when they were on the phone with each other.”

    oh, that’s the most laughable part of all these stories – the verbatim reports of the conversations that NO ONE would be privvy to.

    OH! Except the gerbils of doom!

    (wasn’t there a report of a false burglar alarm at their house and THAT’S why the Emergency Services showed up?)

  9. Phowie says:

    Good to see those old school emotional blackmail methods still have what it takes to make an impact on an exiting partner.

    Batboy was cool.

  10. joe says:

    A few things so bare with me.

    First: I believe that something did happen with the fire trucks. The Enquirer usually takes time with stories like Tiger etc., then runs with it. It is obvious that they waited until they had an idea of what happened as this was awhile ago. The whole thing in US about the alarm going off did not ring true as if an alarm goes off the family just turns it off so the fire trucks don’t have to come.

    Second: I personally believe that Angie is not that happy? Why. Well we all know that the last place Angie wants to live is LA. She herself has stated this. Her dream is to live in Europe and travel alot to other countries and help. She had this dream that her and Brad would fly together and help people. She finds LA self absorbed and plastic. Where does she find herself? In LA.
    Although when she was pregnant Brad lived in other places, Brad calls LA home and I believe entends to live there. Why are they not in France now? The pictures of her at the last party looked desperate – too happy. Know what I mean. Angie rarely leaves the house in LA. If she does no paps know. (which either means that when she is seen she calls the paps for pictures or else she is not going out). So now she is stuck in LA, at home, with 6 kids and attending balls with George and his his new woman, or with Quienten with his younger women. Ever notice that Brad’s friends have a problem with staying with their women? It has to bug her. She went from not caring what people said about herm living in France away from it all. To having to attend functions to keep up her image and living in a place she hates.

    I think that they still love each other and the kids. However I also think that they have reached that phase where it is easy to become bored with each other.

    Remember that Angie does have a history of mental illness. That does not just go away. These people have good and bad times and families work hard in the bad times. I personally think that right now is not so good a time. And I think that it is a shame that she feels she has to attend these |”functions”. I am not sure why they just don’t go to France until her next movie and get out of this fish bowl. They both need to take a good long break and enjoy the country life with their children. The whole LA thing has to be ugly.

  11. Sumodo says:

    @EMINE — Exactly. Jeez, I am so tired of Brange.

  12. Laura says:

    No. She is the most powerful MOVIE STAR of the Decade. And only in the last 5 years did we see her be the cover of every single tabloid every week.

  13. Jojo says:

    Wait, so why were emergency vehicles at her house?!

  14. lucy2 says:

    Good Lord.
    As I’m reading it, I’m thinking, what did they do, tap the phones? Please.
    I’m no Angelina fan, but this kind of stuff is over the line – people have sued tabloids for less than that. They’re basically claiming that she’s severly unstable, and she could argue that could have a negative impact on her career.

  15. Firestarter says:

    I have to say, it does look like Angelina is messing with the Botox lately. Hence the always shiny face. I beg of her, to NOT continue with Botox. I am not a fan, but I have always thought her to be very attractive and it would be such a shame for her to go down the road that so many actresses have gone down by ruining their faces with these damned Botox injections. If you have to fight age that badly, then try something other than Botox. There are laser treatments and other fillers that are far less damaging to the nerves in your face.

    What many people do not realize is that Botox paralyzes the nerves in your face. Eventually, the more treatments you have the more damage it does to the nerves to the point they are done for good.

    I know this has nothing really to do with this post, but I have no comment on the suicide story one way or the other, but I do have to comment on how it pains me to see gorgeous women in Hollywood DESTROY their faces with this ridiculous shit. There is nothing wrong with a few lines people, even on the movie screen. It’s normal and it is life. I wish Hollywood and the actors out there would get the idea that the majority of the public, while enjoying the fantasy of film, also like a bit of reality mixed in. Plastic/frozen faces are not real, and I think the majority of people are tired of the same look on every maturing actresses face.

    Angelina, stop the madness now! Before you end up looking like Priscilla Presley.

  16. Eileen Yover says:

    Taylor-I agree….I wonder what Bat Boy is up to these days…

    Firestarter: My sister-in-law has been using Botox since she was 27. She’s 43 now and she can’t take a normal picture. Everytime she smiles one eye respondes and one eye doesn’t giving her the “severe wonk eye” look! She STILL uses it and is now delving into plastic surgery. I can imagine this won’t turn out well!

  17. Goddess711 says:

    Another Traumeel OD? (eyeroll)
    Such a perfect mother trying to off herself so close to Christmas? Go big or go home, I guess. At least she got a ton of fireguys at her place, there’s a plus. Well, if getting knocked up or adopting to add to your man’s ball and chain doesn’t have him watching your every move, attempting suicide sure will.
    That’s IF this is true; I think she’s too self-absorbed and self-affected to not want to see herself in the mirror or in the news every day. And she might just like the kid collection she’s got going enough to stick around and boot Brad to the curb if he was being an idiot.
    If a heap of firetrucks ended up at their house I’m guessing she either tried to make toast and failed miserably or her darling angels were goofing around with some of the *paraphernalia* Brad left out and started a *mishap*.

  18. original kate says:

    …and here comes the megan fox interview about her suicide attempts.

  19. the original kate says:

    …and here comes the megan fox interview about her suicde attempts.

  20. Firestarter says:

    @Eileen- I am surprised she can even smile. A wife of one of my parents friends pretty much is forced to open her mouth and smile gritting her teeth. Her mouth has no function other than opening, the corners refuse to widen and go up. I thought when I had met her, she had a stroke, my dad politely said “10 yrs of Botox”

    If you have to fight age, I’d rather go under the knife than to mess up my face with the “Tox”. It is a pity about you SIL, does she even realize how she looks?

    I hate hate hate the shiny face people get from it. Angie always had normal, matte finish skin, now, in every pic, she looks waxy, and her forehead is not normal looking lately.

  21. skibunny says:

    Yeah I would have to agree…..she looks botoxed and weird in the eyes. I find her pretty in some pictures and rather scary in others. I dont get all the hype about her when there are other actresses that are outstanding in their craft,gorgeous and just as generous. Perhaps they dont care about the press as much????

  22. lucy2 says:

    @Firestarter – I agree there’s some Botoxing probably happening there, and it’s a shame.
    @joe – you make some good points, and I agree about her history and her probable dislike of being in LA. If this were coming in the form of more than a supposed conversation that no one would have access to, I’d be more inclined to think there’s something to it. But right now, it all sounds fabricated to me.
    As for the alarm, I’d assume they have some sort of monitoring system, and if it goes off and no one is there or can figure out why it went off or turns it off in time, the FD or police will be dispatched just to be sure.

    I don’t really agree with the “most powerful actress of the decade”. Not sure who I would pick instead (maybe Meryl?), but while Angelina definitely has a great career and is extremely high profile, I think there are others who are at least equally, if not more “powerful”. Or whatever that means.

  23. Eileen Yover says:

    Firestarter: Oh no, she thinks she looks fantastic. She’s a pretty lady (evil on the inside…but that’s a whole other post!) and looks young for her age, until she smiles. Then she looks malformed.
    I have a hard time thinking God provided the lethal The Box jellyfish for vapid older ladies who are so scared of aging they are willing to inject venom in their face?
    I know that statement will piss some people off because people do get it and turns out fine, but I’ve seen turn BAD too many times to even consider trying it once!

  24. lisa says:

    oh please.. Angie does not look like she is using Botox.. Still a beautiful woman. that dumb story about the Fire trucks have taken on several different stories.. one it was the neighbors, 2 it was the alarm system.. nothing about a suidide attempt. PLEASE.

    And if we are to believe the NE, because of the Tiger story, then go back and read the crap they have written about this couple the past 5 years. How many of those stories were true. Plus how did they know what was being said in a phone converstation. Yet they can’t say where the family is day to day.. GMAFB. Angelina and Brad have undergone extensive family visits when they adopt. Just another BS story about this couple. I think it is time to leave them alone. If they stay together GREAT for them and their kids. If they break up.. Well it will only affect their lives and their kids. This constant attack on Angelina and her relationship with Brad is becoming SICK. The tabs have missed on all these other celeb couples that have broken up. plus the countless scandals.. all to focus on Brad/Angie. MOVE on for gosh sake. Every story now sounds just stupid. How many of these Angie is crazy, Brad walks out, Angie jealous.. whatever. They each go off on their own to do the things they support. The other supports that and contray to what some think Angelina is a very strong and smart woman. Doubt even her love for Brad will send her over the edge. She left BBT with Maddox and did not miss a beat. Started the adoption of Zahara on her own. So that does not sound like someone holding on by the skin of her teeth.

    But hey some people need and want to believe the worst.

  25. teri says:

    I really get a laugh at these tabloid reports on the JP each week. All the while the rest of HW falling apart. I don’t believe Angelina uses botox much if at all, in so many pictures she has fine lines and in these she has none. Could it be the photographer or her makeup making it appear to be flawless? Love this family and wishing them safety and good health.

  26. lisa says:

    Regarding Angie’s eyes.. Fans who have met her in person have a different account Some say Green.. and others say blue-green.. I have not seen her in person, but have chatted with fans who have seen her and Brad at a few premiers.. They say that her eyes are really amazing.. Cat like.. but the thing they talk most about is the skin.. they say her skin is to die for. Porceline.. milky.. (their words). I remember reading an interview she gave and the guy doing it went on and on about her skin.. said it was moist.. like dew in the morning (I thought that was fanboyish) but he even said it was something else..

    I freely admit.. I would love to see she and Brad in person At least once.

  27. DD says:

    so in one week how do they go from picking psychics to making babies to suicide watch. If only my life were that exciting.

  28. lucy2 says:

    I do think she has very pretty eyes. If it’s not Botox, then what is making her forehead appear tight and waxy in the past year or so? Never looked liked that before.

  29. TaylorB says:

    Just for fun I googled Jolie ‘Bat Boy’ I found this informative ‘article’ from the WWN… of course. I am not sure if I like the part about Brad being nipped in the face by Bat Boy better than the part about the pending Jolie/Pitt Yeti adoption…

    NEW ORLEANS, LA – In an attempt to further diversify her brood, Angelina Jolie has made a bold choice.

    Jolie recently stated on the Today Show, “I want to create a rainbow family. That’s children of different religions and cultures, from different countries. And Bat Boy is the perfect example of that.”

    Jolie took a moment to dab her welling eyes and then continued, “I have saved all of my children from loneliness and neglect in those orphanages. Bat Boy is out all on his own. It is my duty to be photographed while rescuing him and give him a better life in front of millions of people.”

    According to eye witnesses, Jolie used mosquitoes as bait to lure and trap him. With Brad Pitt’s assistance, she dragged him kicking and screaming to the local courthouse to have the adoption finalized.

    But Bat Boy had other plans. He nipped Pitt on the cheek, who dropped him and began screaming, “My face! My beautiful face!”. Our young hero took off out the back door and has not been seen since.

    Jolie and Pitt are now in the process of adopting a Tibetan yeti to supplement Jolie’s new interest in Buddhism.

  30. Firestarter says:

    Please! Just because it’s Angelina, doesn’t mean that she is immune to fighting age. Her face was never waxy looking before this year. I THINK SHE IS A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, so do not tell me I am a “jellez hater” because I can see she is clearly using botox. Even with Botox, women still have fine lines. Her face has looked strange the last several months. There is no way her forehead would be that smooth without the benefit of Botox.

    She is no different from any other actress in trying to stay young, and the sad thing is, she is still young and doesn’t need crappy Botox to keep her pretty. She has the exact same forehead as Nicole Kidman, and the same shine to her skin. I am not being hateful at all, I just think it is a pity that she is going down that road.

    I know, I know, I have no proof, and neither does anyone else saying she isn’t. It is just obvious. Look at other actresses and their faces who admit to Botox (or who don’t) and you will see Angelina’s face is no different. She is not doing extreme amounts, but I can almost bet you she is getting small doses in the forhead.

  31. princess pea says:

    @ Kaiser Angelina is so friggin’ powerful that she only thinks the word “suicide” and magically, a baby dove flies in with a bottle of sleeping pills.

    This. You sound doubtful, but obviously it’s true. Always remember. The gerbils will ensure that we know what our lady of the infinite miracles is thinking at all times, that we may align our lowly thoughts with hers.

  32. Kim says:

    Yeah the tabs DK Kate and A- Rod and Reese and Jake broke up over a month ago yey they know every detail about AJ , who they claim is friendless. Those damn gerbils leaking these stories to the tabs.Btw didn’t Statr claim the police and fire trucks were there because she threw a chair at Brad and Us Weekly say the alarms went off. Also in the pics I’ve seen at X17 they live in a gated community so the tabs DK where ant emergency vehicles are going. Well this couple sells magazines so they will continue to be on the covers.

  33. DD says:

    I have to agree she has an unnatural look going these days, I don’t know if it’s botox or loss of fat and muscle, but her forehead has grown, her hair is limp and she doesn’t look defined like she used to. Her features used to be strong and exotic, but now she fades. I don’t know how to explain it but something just looks off, like she looks like a weak version of her old self.

  34. Enonymous says:

    Crazy in the head, forever in your bed. Good luck to Brad Pitt if one day he want’s to get away from her because it is not going to be easy. Pitt is no better though, his looks have faded and he ain’t exactly spring chicken himself. All they have in these mess is each other.

  35. Munkey says:

    DD: I agree. Is her hairline receding? As for the shiny forehead, I’m inclined to believe those who think she’s been injected with something. There’s definitely something “off” about her face.

  36. Munkey says:

    Praise: Ugh, that was unsettling to say the least. What was she thinking when she decided to go outside looking like that?

  37. Zarah says:

    I don’t think I’ve ever seen another celebrity couple that is subjected to as much tabloid coverage as Brad and Angelina. One would be forgiven for thinking they are the ONLY stars in Hollywood. And the irony is, nobody actually has a clue what is going on in that household. But these mags must sell, hence the continued negative and downright nasty stories about them week after week.

    I guess America is loathe to see the golden boy and the bad girl actually stay together and raise their children in relative peace and quiet. Such a shame.

  38. Beth says:

    Gullible people is why the tabloids will never go out of business. Three different tabloids use the same pictures for three different stories yet people think all of them are true. Which is amusing considering one tab said Brad wasn’t even in the country and another said there were 911 calls. If that was true why haven’t they been released? They always come out.

    Was with the receeding hairline comments. It doesn’t look any different from older pictures.

  39. missy says:

    she is really starting to look like her mother. brad got himself into a mess he can’t get out of. he’ll soon be a drunk to escape his misery.

  40. WTF?!? says:

    LOL. I’m no Brange fan, but this is just too silly. It’s not unthinkable, but highly improbable, when factored in with the eddy of rumors swirling around out there.

  41. Kim says:

    Poor Brad in the last 5 years he has become the father of 6, a pilot,co founded 2 charities Not on Our Watch and Make It Right , made Time Magazine Most Influential list twice (Angie 3 time) been on VF “establishment list” w/ Angie 2 times, nominated for Oscar and 2 Golden Globes. Yeah he reallY got himself into a mess. He could be sunbathing in Mexico.GMAFB. Oh yeah and he continues to be on every sexiest actor list, People Magazine, TV Guide Channel, Empire Magazine….

  42. Rita says:

    No wonder the tabs repeat the same lies now for like 5 years. They read the comments made by some here and cater to those commenting, hoping they buy their trash mags. LOL No one knows what goes on with this tight private family, bravo for them.

    As for drinking Brad and his Ex of 5 years ago used to get totally tanked on a regular basis in LA. That is when they were actually together in the same place as beginning in 2003 they were apart for months at a time. Yeah Brad was really miserable then. His Ex did not like his buddies and he was only allowed to socialize with the Cox-Arquettes.

    Brad is a happy man today who will be 46 tomorrow, he is living his dream life with Angelina and their kids.

  43. Peaches Malone says:

    Why won’t Brad marry Angelina? Because she is a nutter!

  44. Bek says:

    @Emine: I don’t know if she’s ever actually come out and said she tried to kill herself. It’s hazy, but I thought at one point she made some comments like that when she was a little younger. I could be wrong. I’ll wait for the obsessed to correct me. However, it’s important to note that, at least in American legal channels, it’s very very hard to adopt with any kind of extensive medical record, let alone a history of mental illness, drug abuse or self-mutilation record. There’s a reason Angelina doesn’t adopt in America.

  45. Bek says:

    Hahaha @ Zarah! There are always “big” hollywood couples that the press focus on! Seeing as we all live about an average 60-80 years, it’s only natural that during the course of our lifetime, we’d witness only a few that stand out. The same big stars that people remember who are much older than us are stars that we spend no time on today. It’s the irony of hollywood. You get a good flash in the pan for a while, but like everybody before you, you fall into oblivion eventually. I know I’ll get absolutely kilt for mentioning it, but it seems that some of you have already forgotten the big names/couples of the nineties and early 2000’s. Tom and Nicole were huge, and, though it’s suicidal (no pun intended) to mention it, Brad and Jen were pretty big too. Jen was the favorite girl for a good 10 years during Friends and during her relationship with Brad. Or try Jennifer Lopez and some of her men: Diddy and Ben Affleck. They all fade with time. Aging is part of it, and it’s something nobody can avoid.

  46. Lena says:

    I am seriously sick of hearing about these two. She’s a humanitarian for the press, and he’s nonchalant and “distant” for the press. At the end of the day, she ruined a marriage, and he’s an ass. Why are we glorifying them?

  47. Maritza says:

    She probably is afraid Brad will do exactly the same thing he did with Jennifer, leave her for another woman. Actually, I believe he would.

  48. oh hey says:

    I take take or leave Brangelina. I do think they have talent (Angelina moreso than Brad). That said, couldn’t Jolie be a “dry drunk?” One minute she’s substance user and the next minute she’s adopting/having kids and wants to save the world, so to speak. Don’t get me wrong, I find that admirable, whether she does it quietly or blabs to the press. But the more I read about these things, I just hope she’s not trading one addiction for another.

    I certainly don’t think she’s most powerful movie star of the decade though. Maybe it’s just me but I think that you not only have to star in more movies, but have the press report about them than they would about your relationship, because honestly, that’s what keeping her and Brad in the spotlight.

  49. BEEBEEC says:

    Eh? Oh brad was shopping and must have been about to buy a nike cap or some kind of merchandise tiger woods advertized, so the check out clert sent out an emergancy SOS to his lady Angelina.. big no no now for any attached man to toss some money in cheating Tigers’ account!

  50. TheTaraNator says:

    Bravo, Bek, bravo. Everything that you wrote is oh-so true. Every word. Thanks for putting that out there.

    As for Brad and Angelina…they are ‘meh’ in my book. Brad is a good actor when he is playing a crazy person (i.e. 12 Monkeys, Kalifornia, even Fight Club) but pretty blah and boring in anything else. Sure, he is pretty to look at, but he doesn’t make a movie. At least IMO.

    Angelina is way overrated as an actress. Two decent acting roles does not an amazing actress make. Gia and Girl, Interrupted were great, but I’m sure another actress could have played the parts just as well. Ms. Jolie is (was) pretty to look at, but her acting ability is just like a million others girls (and guys) out there. Nothing to write home about.

    Seriously, what did these two do (and to whom) to get where they are today?

  51. Ursula says:

    Most powerful actress of the decade? Who is she paying? May be most over exposed actress of all time.

    But am happy that Brange met. Who would have entertained us for the last five years and for the next five years? They deserve each other. And I can see they are so happy, this is the best they have looked. LOL

  52. snowball says:

    Flipping through the channels earlier and to my horror, found myself watching a little bit of “Mr. and Mrs. Smith.”

    St. Angie looked really pretty and I was struck by the difference just a handful of years can make. She had to have weighed at least 10-15 lbs. more, she didn’t have her hair yanked back as tightly as Nicole Kidman does it and for some weird reason, when she used to smile, her upper lip got thinner – and now it gets thicker or more likely, stays the way it is.

    I don’t know if she’s had Botox or not, but I think one of the main reasons she looks so weird lately is that she’s just freakishly thin and she’s got a big head. Her hair looks like it’s thinning too – both stress and not eating enough could cause that, as well as very dry skin. Maybe she’s compensating for that with heavy moisturizers? She really does seem very sweaty-looking lately.

  53. Kim says:

    I don’t know if AJ is the most powerful actress of the decade but she is the highest paid actress she was#1,Julia#2, Reese#3. THR claims she will get $20 million + percentages for “Salt ” and the “The Tourist” and that she made 40 million on Wanted. Sandra Bullock will probably move up to the top 5 in 2010 after the success of The Proposal and the Blind Side.JMO

  54. anna says:

    EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL + MANIPULATION
    =
    POOR BRAD PITT