Gwyneth Paltrow is full of snot

Gwyneth Paltrow Guest Of Honor At Children Of The Citys Champions Of Hope Benefit Gala on July 29 2009 In New York City

Gwyneth Paltrow is feeling snotty. No, not that kind of snotty. Not the kind where she deigns to talk to peasants about how fat they are. The real kind of snotty – where she’s full of actual snot, and she needs to take a Sudafed, lay down, drink lots of fluids, and heat up some soup. But of course, nothing is ever that easy with Dame Goopy. As you may have gathered, Lady Goop has given us yet another f-cking detox to try in this week’s newsletter. Thankfully it’s not about Gwyneth being constipated, it’s just about her snot.

This week, Adele Reising shares thoughts on spring from a Chinese medical perspective and provides tips for those of us who are suffering from allergies.
Love, Gwyneth

[From Goop]

The newsletter then goes on to cut-and-paste from Adele Reising, offering us expensive, jazzed up and Goop’d versions of mom’s remedies for having a head full of snot. Oh, but this Adele woman hates dairy and wheat, so none of that. Granted, there are a couple of good ideas and good recipes in there (lots of onion and garlic, which really does help), but it just seems so… overdone. What do you do when you can’t stop sneezing? When the pollen really hits me, I do a rigorous course of Dayquil and Nyquil, lots of water and orange juice and ginger ale, and lots of soup (chicken noodle is a favorite, as is corn chowder which is probably considered “dairy”). That’s it. Just wait it out – it takes a few days, and then you feel better, if you’re anything like me. Why get so fancy?

A seemingly braless Gwyneth Paltrow heads out for a jog in her local neighborhood

Arrivals-Laureus World Sports Awards Abu Dhabi 2010

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36 Responses to “Gwyneth Paltrow is full of snot”

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  1. annaloo says:

    Gwyneth and Snot go together like pancakes and syrup.

  2. JulieNewmar says:

    Kaiser.. next time try heating up the ginger ale in the microwave. Drink it like a hot bubbly tea.

  3. operaghost says:

    Add lots of sage to your chicken soup. Even if you eat it from a can. Sage has natural decongestant properties.

    Mm, warm ginger ale. Sounds good, actually.

  4. lucy2 says:

    With all the detoxing she does, it’s a wonder she’s not just a hollow shell.

  5. meme says:

    Gwyneth=Snot

  6. texasmom says:

    How about a neti pot?

  7. Green Is Good says:

    My day isn’t complete without pearls of wisdom from Goopy Paltrow. *eye roll*

    Shaddup and go add another formal dining room to your 10 million square foot mansion, Goop.

  8. annie says:

    Neti pots and saline work very well. As for the Goop – did she get a nose job? Her nose looks smaller in the top picture.

  9. JulieNewmar says:

    @ Texas Mom

    I ♥ my neti pot !!

  10. bellaluna says:

    I don’t know what Bitchy-Pants has got, but where I live we have a nasty sinus infection thing going around. It is so bad my teeth hurt. I can feel my pulse in every single one of them, as well as my face. My ears are clogged and painful. After a week on antibiotics, I only started to de-congest this morning. It’s hideous. I’m definitely going to add some sage to my chicken soup.

  11. Leticia says:

    @Annie,

    I have been saying the same thing for a while. Her nose looks more narrow and refined than in the past. I think she had it tweaked, and it looks better now.

  12. Miranda Ann says:

    The thing about Gwynnie’s GOOP is that you don’t have to read it!! I get really tired of people making snide remarks about GOOP. It is an email sent to people who SUBSCRIBE TO IT!! Gwynnie is not filling your email with spam. You won’t get it if you don’t subscribe. I subscribe to it and I think she has loads of good ideas and good information for people. Sure, some of it is silly and outreageous, but not all. I just don’t understand why blogs like this one reprint what’s on GOOP just so they can snipe at it. It’s ridiculous. Why waste your time?

    That’s all I have to say. Sorry for interruping the daily anti-Gwyneth Paltrow comments. People seem to relish hating a woman who has done nothing wrong to them. What a horrible life you people must lead. Get over yourselves!! Life is too short for all this hate.

  13. annaloo says:

    Miranda Ann– Don’t you know? Everything that is wrong with this world is Gwyneth’s fault?

    And it is fun to call her out on it, because like Barbie, the bitch gets everything and it helps us underlings feel better about ourselves.

    Gossip blogs aren’t for being nice– the title of this one is celeBITCHy, for crying out loud.

    Have a glass of wine (or five), and pick on your (least) favorite celeb.

    I hate Gwyneth, and I love this site for hating her too!

  14. Beck says:

    I live down South where the pollen count has been in the 1000s. I think we hit a record last week when the pollen count was well over 5000. (I believe 130 and over is considered extremely high.) It has been awful this spring. Just about everyone in this town is affected by allergies to some degree.

    It’s a shame too because we have been having beautiful weather. I just can’t be outside for long to enjoy it.

    I bought a neti pot the other day. Hopefully, I will get some relief. I already use allergy medications which is not really helping this year.

  15. bubbs says:

    I have a neti pot and it works great.
    It really helps when you are stuffed up. Its really gross especially what it dislodges but once you get past that, it really clears you out.

  16. Obvious says:

    @Miranda

    Don’t read the Goop posts then. We love to hate miss goop. deal with it. and look at all the free press she receives from this site and others because of it.

  17. Blaster says:

    “Why get so fancy?” you ask, Kaiser.

    Goopy would probably says she’s just trying to help us poor peasants because there are better remedies out there and she’s just trying to expand our meager solutions.

    Chicken soup? Blasphemy….

  18. moe says:

    @ Texasmom

    I love my Neti pod too.
    works like a charm

  19. original kate says:

    neti pots are great – they really work. they are also good for snoring. i take a homeopathic tincture for my allergies (i’m allergic to grass) and that helps, too. as for goopy, she is just a little too full of herself all the time. maybe if she’d take the stick out of her butt she’d be more likeable.

  20. Cinderella says:

    I’m a Goopster. I’m not gonna lie.

    As far as the Nedi Pot, I looked it up and saw this crazy picture of a guy leaned over a sink with a teapot spout shoved up his nostril. What the hell?

  21. Kitty2000 says:

    I now consider myself educated, I had no idea what a neti pot was.

    I swear by garlic and horseradish tablets. If I have sinus or feel like I might be coming down with a cold I’ll pop a couple and I’m sorted. I’ve put a load of people onto them as well, including my friend’s husband who had been on antibiotics for months for a sinus infection and was starting to feel a bit desparate. It sorted him out pretty much straight away. I’m a herb freak anyway and where possible I prefer to use them.

  22. Annie says:

    Miranda Ann- The irony in your post made my day!!!!!!!

    Don’t hate on Goopy but Im gonna hate on all of you (who I don’t know and who have never done anything to me)for hating on Goopy.

    Classic!

  23. chunkstyle says:

    @Texas mom
    You said it! My neti pot takes days off of a cold if I have one and cuts short any kind of congestion. Once you get it right and don’t feel like you are being waterboarded it is AMAZING!
    Also, Reese Witherspoon totally does it hahaha (well it looks like her anyway…)
    http://manchee.net/images/neti_pot.jpg

  24. meme says:

    neti pots scare me. i’m afraid i’ll drown myself.

  25. 2asgard says:

    @miranda But hating on Gwyneth is so much fun! Come to the dark side, we have cookies.

  26. Madisyn says:

    Is this woman even relevant anymore?

  27. MooCow says:

    O my gosh, I have a cold right now and am dreading having to go to work soon, maybe I will try my cheap plastic version of the neti pot. They feel so weird I love it!

    Bless you commenters

  28. cara says:

    neti pot..how come she didn’t mention that? Guess she isn’t up to date like she thinks she is
    these pictures make her look ugly.escpecially the last one

  29. Cletus says:

    POLLEN COUNT IN THE 1000s? No wonder I feel like I’m dying.I thought I was being punished by God.

  30. Johnthing says:

    I still hate her.

  31. Cheyenne says:

    Guaranteed to work:

    1) a teaspoon of horse-radish
    2) a teeny amount of Sriracha sauce

    Either one will blow out your sinuses so fast you’ll have steam coming out of your ears.

  32. Jo 'Mama' Besser says:

    I’ve been wondering about neti pots recently. I have crazy, CRAZY allergies and have heard nothing but good things from all of people I know who use them.

    Any suggestions for a prospective neti pothead? I know that it gets easier with time, but how do you overcome the initial apprehension? What sort of results could I expect if I use it? How long would I be using it before I start feeling relief?

  33. Jess says:

    You can just use a sinus rinse, like NeilMed sinus rinse or SinuCleanse, it is the same idea as the neti pot. You just squirt the rinse up your nostril, make sure you cover your whole nostril and use warm water that is distilled or boiled water that has cooled down. I have had a terrible allergy to the mold in my house and been sick for months and it has helped me a lot. Also, I drink blackcurrant, chai or echinecea tea with honey and cinnamon sticks and use herbal remedies such as Quercetin with Bromelain and a tincture called Respirafect (by S Francis herb farm) which helps to fight acute lung infection (I also add that to my tea). The health food lady has recommended taking Greens+ everyday and to start taking a herbal immunity booster tincture as well. I am finally starting to get better and not have a constant runny nose. Previously, my doctor prescribed 2 different antibiotics which I am convinced lowered my immunity and made the problem much worse. Good luck with your allergies, I know how terrible they can be.

  34. Jess says:

    Also just wanted to say that I had great results using the sinus rinse, it helped with my runny nose more than anything. You will feel relief in about half an hour, your nose will run more in that time and then just dry up. Don’t go to sleep until an hour after you do it as the snot will run down your throat if you do. Again, good luck.

  35. Fyn says:

    So long as you don’t depend on the neti-pot or other nasal rinses everyday, you’ll be fine. I’m a nurse, and I’ve seen people who use those things so much they ALWAYS have sinus infections going on.
    Neti-pots and other rinses are to be used when you have a cold, or for allergies, but in moderation. If you are continually rinsing your nasal passages, (and I’m talking everyday, not every so often here 😛 ) you’ll actually become more prone to infections. They’re meant to help clear out the infection, but you actually do need some “goop” in there to catch all the bad shit.
    So rinse away, but use caution 🙂

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