Apparently, Hollywood has run out of original ideas and has taken it upon themselves to remake every classic movie- thereby ruining them for generations of fans. “Psycho,” “The Omen,” “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” are some examples of recent victims. Also rumored to be on the remake block are “Grease,” which may star Jessica Simpson (gag), and now “Rosemary’s Baby.” The classic camp horror film that launched the careers of Roman Polanski and Mia Farrow is said to be getting the makeover treatment by “Transformers” and “Armageddon” auteur Michael Bay. Why, Hollywood, WHY?

I’m really trying to hold back with the rage while sharing this news. The above image describes it pretty well. Mia Farrow, I imagine, fells similarly. Here we go. Checking the thesaurus for pleasant adjectives.

Michael Bay, genius American auteur responsible for classics ranging from the delicate fairy tale Armageddon to the sublimely moving Pearl Harbor, is spearheading the production of yet another classic horror remake. After adding millions of dollars of terrific production design and Jessica Biel’s ample acting talents to Tobe Hooper’s Texas Chainsaw Massacre, IWatchStuff.com is reporting that Bay’s next task as horror-remake-producer could be Rosemary’s Baby, Roman Polanski’s suspense classic about a pixieish young woman impregnated with Satan’s spawn. Based on Ira Levin’s chilling, darkly funny novel about cultural paranoia and religious fanaticism, this great American classic has been screaming for a remake produced by the director of Bad Boys, Con Air, Bad Boys 2, and Transformers. Satan will finally receive his wish.

[From Getty Images Movie Blog]

I’m really trying to understand two key things here:
1) Why can’t Hollywood come up with decent new stories to tell on film anymore? Why violate beloved classic movies that people enjoy in their original form?
2) Who the hell thought Michael Bay would be a good choice for this particular remake? Instead of creepy suspense, is the new version of ‘Rosemary’s Baby’ going to have explosions, CGI robots and fight scenes?

I’ll be skipping this one and watching my original at home on DVD, thank you very much.

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s Michael Bay (along with Josh Duhamel) at the Transformers Movie Tokyo Premiere on July 24th. Images thanks to PR Photos.