The Insider has several head-shaking interview clips with pint-sized washed-up former child actor Gary Coleman, 40, and his 22 year-old bride. We reported earlier in the week that Gary and his wife, Shannon Price, talked candidly about their volatile relationship in which they can go for a week without talking and Gary routinely throws stuff around the house in a rage. They’ve been married a whole six months after meeting on the set of one of Gary’s movies you’ve never heard of, Church Ball, where Price was an extra. Price didn’t recognize Coleman when he came up to her and told her she was too good looking to be an extra. Their romance moved from there, with Price bringing a ring and proposing to Coleman when he was in the hospital for three months after complications from thyroid surgery. He had a scare in the hospital and had to have an emergency tracheotomy so that he could breathe. Price was afraid he would die and didn’t want to lose him.

In interviews with The Insider, Price and Coleman admitted to the domestic problems they’ve been facing, with Price saying that they hadn’t made up after a fight earlier that day during which Coleman through the printer because he couldn’t figure out how to receive a fax. She said “It’s ok, I’m used to it.” Price answered that she did fear for her safety when she was questioned about it. She answered “a lot, yes,” and also said she feared for her three dachshund dogs, which Coleman doesn’t like. Coleman answered “That doesn’t mean I’m going to kill them.”

Coleman said that although he’s been with Price for a year they haven’t had sex. He said “It will happen when it will happen.” It came out earlier that Coleman said this was his first relationship ever, so maybe we can assume he’s a virgin. With a temper like that, it’s no wonder.

Here is their more involved interview. He looks less than sober to me in these videos.

And here’s Coleman saying he hasn’t had sex:

Thanks to Redlasso for the heads up on this.

I’m old enough to remember the OJ Simpson double murder trial, in which photos of a bruised and battered Nicole Brown, OJ’s murdered ex wife, were presented as evidence. Brown put the pictures of herself along with her will and newspaper clippings about a 1989 beating she suffered at the hands of her husband in a safety deposit box “just in case.”

Now OJ’s longterm girlfriend, Christie Prody, has suffered a beating so severe that she was bleeding from her brain, with one police officer saying it was the worst case he’d ever seen. OJ’s explanation for Prody’s multiple injuries, including abrasions on her face and bruises all over her body, is that she was drunk and fell down. Prody tested negative for alcohol when she arrived at the hospital. She had been away for about a week and a half before she returned to OJ in Miami and was either beaten senseless or “fell down”

Prody suffered a severe head injury and massive bruises all over her body, sources told The ENQUIRER.

While O.J. says that Prody’s injuries are self-inflicted and explained that the 32-year-old woman went on a drunken binge and fell down, cops aren’t convinced, insiders say.

Investigators said from the damage to Prody’s body, they believe she was beaten. One detective said he has never seen such severe bruises on a woman before.

Police detectives are questioning Simpson at his home today, and are conducting an ongoing investigation into what happened to Prody.

Prody, 32, was rushed to a Baptist Memorial Hospital in Miami Feb 11 after she collapsed at a local gas station.

Police were alerted by hospital authorities after doctors found she was bleeding from her brain — and also had numerous large bruises and abrasions on her face, arms, legs and buttocks.

Prody had spent ten days with O.J.’s friends in San Antonio until she returned to Miami on Feb. 11. Simpson was with her until Feb. 4 when he returned to his Kendall home.

Simpson told police Prody’s wounds were self inflicted and that she had been on a drinking binge.

When Prody was brought into the hospital, there was no trace of alcohol in her blood, sources told The ENQUIRER.

[From The National Enquirer website]

Simpson has been free on bail in his conspiracy armed robbery case since about mid January despite stiffing his bail bondsman twice and violating the terms of his bail by contacting one of his co-defendants. Simpson and five men held up two sports memorabilia dealers in Las Vegas on September 16th of last year and OJ and two of his conspirators are awaiting trial. Three of the men have accepted plea bargains for their roles in the crime.

It makes you sick to your stomach to think that this guy committed such a heinous crime when he should have been in jail. He was let go under a month ago after being jailed for violating bail by contacting another defendant in his case. His bail bondsman turned him in when he failed to pay him a dime and then asked him to talk to one of his codefendants for him despite the fact that it was strictly prohibited. Prosecutors asked the judge to keep him in jail until his April 4 trial date, but she let him out with a warning.

At least this woman lived and hopefully she won’t have lasting injuries or any brain damage. I read the full manuscript of OJ’s “hypothetical” “If I Did It” book, which was available online shortly last year, and he seemed to be trying to justify double murder, if he really did it and all, and described how Nicole angered him by having candles and music playing when OJ stopped by. OJ caught Ron Goldman arriving with an envelope and accused him of delivering drugs. Ron vehemently denied that he was bringing drugs and showed OJ the sunglasses that Nicole had left at the restaurant where he works. According to the manuscript, OJ just happened to be there with a knife in his hand, and he had a friend with him, who is presumed to have been his accomplice. OJ never described the actual murders, just before when he was in a rage and after, when he was confused to find that he was covered in blood.

Maybe OJ will finally go away for a very long time now that he faces charges for armed robbery along with beating his girlfriend so severely that her brain bled. It may have taken 20 years, but at least OJ will finally spend some significant time, maybe even the rest of his life, in prison.

Header image is of OJ with the bail bondsman who turned him in and is from mid January. Image below of Christie Prody is from September of 2007. Thanks to Splash News for these photos.

Update: TMZ says that they contacted police, who told them that OJ is not a suspect and that Prudy’s injuries are consistent with a bad fall she took at the gas station. And I was so ready to call him guilty of battering his girlfriend.

[Details from OJ’s murder trial from CNN]

Gary Coleman got married, to 22-year-old Shannon Price, in a secret ceremony on her birthday after she proposed to him. The couple met on a film set in 2006, and married on August 28th of last year. Here’s what they have to say about their secret marriage and the way they fight and can go a full week without talking to each other:

On their height difference:
Coleman, who is only 4’8” tall, admits that this is the first “romantic relationship” he has participated in. “I never got the opportunity to be romantic or feel romantic with anyone…I wasn’t saving myself, she just happened to be the one.”

Price, who stands over 5’7” tall, tells Inside Edition height was never a factor in their relationship. “He was ten feet tall to me because he was sweet and I really liked his personality. That doesn’t really matter to me.”

On the age difference:
Coleman says, “I don’t have issues with age, I have issues with intelligence…She’s more intelligent then I am and that’s what matters to me.”

Their courtship:
Price says, “He was really sweet and I didn’t know who he was. I didn’t grow up with Diff’rent Strokes. I actually didn’t like watching TV when I was younger.”

The wedding:
The couple married secretly on August 28, 2007 on a Nevada mountaintop after meeting on the set of one of Coleman’s movies. The ceremony was extremely intimate. Coleman says, “Nobody was around but the minister, preacher, the videographers, the photographer, the helicopter pilot and us. That was all that was there. There was nobody else.”

Price, who actually proposed to Coleman, tells Inside Edition he surprised her with their wedding on her 22nd birthday. “I didn’t know that I was going to be in a helicopter ride and seeing the Grand Canyon and getting married in the Valley of Fire. I had no clue,” says the blushing bride. “I mean I knew that we were getting married, but I thought it would be just a little chapel.”

On the secrecy of their marriage:
The couple also shares the reason they say they kept their marriage a secret. Price says, “I just want my own identity as well because I don’t want to be known as Gary Coleman’s wife.”

Her proud husband agrees. “I wouldn’t want that in a million years. I wouldn’t want you to be known as Gary Coleman’s wife. I hope you do get successful. She’s a great eBay-er. She’s a fabulous eBay-er. I hope she gets famous for that.”

The dynamic of their relationship:
Price describing the relationship as “off and on.” “We may go a week and not speak to each other, but that’s because you’re thinking and mulling things over,” says Coleman.

Price explains, saying, “Yeah, I’ve locked myself in a room and stayed there because I’m like, ‘You know what? I don’t even want to fight over this, its ridiculous.” Price admits on several occasions the fights have gone beyond yelling. “He lets his anger conquer him sometimes, I don’t like the violence, I really don’t…He throws things around, and sometimes he throws it in my direction…He’s got to damage something before his anger stops.”

According to Price, she has had to call the police on several occasions. “He actually got a disorderly conduct ticket one time because we had gotten into an argument, just a minor argument in Provo. The guy gave him a ticket and he freaked out and he was on six months probation.”

Inside Edition

WTF!?!? I know that domestic violence is a very personal issue, and what people consider to be domestic violence can actually vary, but this is domestic violence, right? Just because he’s throwing objects instead of punches doesn’t change it. Not to mention feeling so frightened you’re locking yourself in another room, you sometimes go days without talking, and you’ve felt the need to call the police ‘several times’.

In the article Shannon says that Gary undertook anger management classes, but on the morning of the interview he smashed their fax machine because it wasn’t working.

A secret wedding is also not a good sign. Shannon claims that she wanted to be seen as her own person, but fails to say what it is she does for a living besides selling Gary Coleman stuff on eBay. Was the wedding a secret because their families didn’t approve?

If you are in a violent situation call the police. If the need is less urgent you can talk to your doctor, church leader or domestic violence service such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Don’t hesitate to get help and get out.

Many of us thought that Britney’s ever-present “friend”/self-proclaimed manager, Sam Lutfi, was bad news, especially when the news got out last week that he’s had up to three restraining orders against him and that he harassed, controlled, and threatened a friend with blackmail and violence against his family. Now that Britney’s mother’s statement about how she witnessed Lutfi drugging, emotionally abusing, and bragging about how he controlled her daughter has been released, people realize how much of a choke hold he had over her. People are also re-evaluating Britney’s behavior over the past few months.

It came out in Lynn’s statement that Lutfi had disabled Britney’s many cars and phones, and that he had the security guard, paparazzi, and Britney’s business manager answering to him. He also apparently even won over her divorce attorneys, which would explain why she hired someone else to represent her at the hearing for guardianship of her estate.

Commentor CeeJay on our earlier post about Lynn’s statement mentioned that all this would explain why Britney always stayed in hotels, was seen wandering around outside her house, and drove around aimlessly for hours. Lutfi had moved into Britney’s mansion and she was afraid to return home to that awful situation.

Lynn’s statement also makes it clear why Britney might be compelled to buy so many new cars and even a new home. When Lutfi disabled one of her vehicles, she simply bought a new one. It was also likely that she was trying to get a house where he couldn’t control her.

Britney didn’t seem coherent when her mother saw her the night before she was hospitalized, but she was aware of one thing. She specifically asked her mom to switch glasses with her when Lutfi poured the wine, which suggests that she knew that he was drugging her by slipping pills in her food and drink. He even bragged to Britney’s mom that he would mash up pills and mix them into her food.

While Britney may have been too drugged out to make sound decisions, she was letting us know in her own way that things were unbearable at home and that she could not return there. This woman wasn’t making the most sound or mature decisions on her own, and was thought to be showing signs of bipolar disorder when she shaved her head early last year. She seemed incapable of caring for her children, and lost custody of her two toddlers in October of last year, presumably right before she met Lutfi, and was only allowed supervised visits. She was thought to be at risk for suicide at that time. Lutfi stepped in and took over for an already-troubled Britney, and she was poisoned, manipulated and made a prisoner in her own home, ultimately losing visitation rights with her children.

Update: Thanks to reader Exyank for noting that Lutfi has been in Britney’s life much longer than the restraining order states, and that he has known her since late 2006/early 2007. A controlling, abusive relationship with Lutfi could potentially explain how Britney really lost it after breaking up with K-Fed and her brief friendship with Paris Hilton afterwards.

Britney and one of her boys are shown in the header in October, 2007. She is shown below with Sam in December.

Britney Spears’ long-lost uncle Willie Spears has sold out his whackjob niece to the British tabloid, The Sun. That ought to make Thanksgiving dinner real interesting this year.

In his exclusive interview, in which he speaks from the comfort of his trailer in Kentwood, Louisiana, Uncle Willie, brother of Britney’s dad Jamie, says that Britney was an out of control teen who started boozing it up and experimenting with drugs at age 14. According to Willie, he says Brit was heading down the wrong path long before Adnan, Sam Lufti or even K-Fed came into the picture. He recalls a wrap party for the Mickey Mouse Club Show, which the Spears clan attended:

“The kids were definitely drinking that night. While the adults talked, they were somewhere else, up to no good. They had a bottle of gin and slipped away to the bathroom to drink it. I saw them going.”
But Willie is certain Britney was exposed to drink and drugs long before she hit the big time.

“Her brother Bryan was the star of the high school football team. They went to all the best parties where there were drugs and alcohol - a lot.”

He believes her drug-taking started at 14 with marijuana but adds: “It got worse when she got famous and she found out that people would do what she wanted them to. She wanted to drink, party and go where she wanted to go. She is a ruthless little thing, make no mistake. Nobody controls her. She bosses everyone around her.”

[From The Sun]

Uncle Willie also talks about Jamie and Lynn’s turbulent marriage and how it affected the kids, including a sensitive young Britney:

Her parents Jamie and Lynne divorced in 2002 but Brit was exposed to their hell-raising rows when she was growing up.

Willie breaks down in tears as he tells of one dramatic incident. “Jamie was drunk at a barbecue and he tried to drive off with Britney in the car. She was no more than five years old. I tried to stop him, so I reached in to grab the keys out of the ignition and he punched me. We got into it right there by the car, fighting in front of her. Britney was jumping up and down, crying. Lynne had to run out to get her inside.”

[From The Sun]

Yawn. I hope Willie got some nice cash for this, because he hasn’t really revealed anything that shocking, and will probably be cut off from the Spears family fortune for good now. While this may be the first time a Spears insider has gone public with this information, it is certainly not a surprise. There have been rumors for years that Britney’s parents were drunks who yelled and screamed, even on set while Britney was working. And while it’s a shame that Britney’s uncle is profiting from her downward spiral, he really isn’t much different than her own mom, who goes running to the tabloids whenever she has a story she wants to control. Other outlets have already broken the story of Britney’s family history of mental illness, and it’s been long suspected that Britney has long-standing problems with alcohol and drugs.

Really, the only thing surprising about this interview is that Uncle Willie does not have a mullet.

Note by Celebitchy: Britney Spears is shown going to a Hustler porn shop with Sam Lufti in Hollywood on 1/27/08, thanks to WENN.

Eva Longoria’s new husband may tower over her, but she sure lets him know who’s in charge in their relationship. Star Magazine has a witness who was at a party at their house and claims to have seen Eva hitting Tony on the arm and smacking him upside the head. This seems completely believable to me, because they don’t just quote an insider or source, they use they guy’s name.

“We were all having a really nice time, eating Tex-Mex food and drinking cocktails,” partygoer Chris Ramirez tells Star exclusively. But it all went downhill from there.

“I don’t know how it happened, but the conversation got dirty fast,” says Ramirez. “Someone said oral sex should only be between man and wife. Then Tony chimed in, ‘A mouth is a mouth. What’s the difference?”

At that, Eva, 32, jumped up and screamed at her NBA star husband, “I can’t believe you said that! What do you mean, you’d take oral sex from anyone?” Then she let loose and slapped him hard across the shoulder, adds Ramirez. And if that wasn’t enough, she took a second shot, hitting him upside the head!

Although her rep denies the fight, Ramirez insists, “Eva was mad as hell, but Tony just sat there and did nothing. She then stomped off to another room, and we all sat there quietly. It was so awkward. I just thought to myself, ‘These two are crazy!’ Even before she made that comment, she kept hitting him and pushing him around - and she’s so tiny!”

[From Star Magazine, print edition, January 28, 2008]

And the witness goes on to say that Eva drank a lot that night and never looked at Tony after that incident. She made him sleep down the hall in his own room, which is where she banishes him whenever they have a fight. Star calls it his “doghouse room” and says that it’s “even decorated specifically for him with framed photos of the Spurs, a huge flatscreen TV and matching cherrywood furniture.” The closet in that room is filled with Tony’s clothes, too, since Eva’s stuff takes up the two closets in the master bedroom.

I do not believe that Tony Parker cheated on Eva Longoria in any way. Although I was inclined to believe those titillating stories and details came out late last year it’s clear that he was set up in a plot by an opportunistic hooker who pulled the same stunt with another sports star. She used photos of different models and tricked a “Germany’s Next Top Model” contestant into recording videos saying she slept with Tony. This party where Eva smacked Tony then ignored him all night took place on December 8th, which was nearly a week before the news got out that a woman was accusing Tony of cheating on Eva, so it’s not like she was pissed off over that.

There’s no excuse for hitting someone though, and just because Eva’s a small woman she doesn’t get a pass. That kind of intimidation is abusive and cruel and Eva is a little tyrant if she treats her husband like that.

It looks like Longoria is knocked up. She took pains to say she wasn’t pregnant and had just gained some strike pounds, but that was the first time I’d heard about her supposed pregnancy. Eva “pay attention to meee” Longoria wants everyone speculating about her maybe-pregnancy, so she put the news out there. She’s wearing looser clothing and it could be an attempt to fuel the rumors, but she does look pregnant. She hopefully didn’t know about it back in December or she wouldn’t have been drinking. I bet Tony is forced to stay in his “doghouse room” for the duration of his mean wife’s pregnancy.

Eva Longoria is shown leaving the Mandarin Hotel in Miami on 1/18/08.

I live in New Zealand, where it is pretty quiet generally, so it caused quite a stir when Bjork the Icelandic singer attacked a news photographer.

Bjork, who is in Auckland to perform at the Big Day Out on Friday, tore photographer Glenn Jeffrey’s shirt in half, after he photographed her arriving at 7.50am yesterday.

Jeffrey, a news photographer of 25 years, said Bjork was accompanied by a man who asked him not take photographs.

“I took a couple of pictures and I got about three or four frames of her … and as I turned and walked away she came up behind me, grabbed the back of my black skivvy and tore it down the back.

“As she did this she fell over, she fell to the ground. At no stage did I touch her or speak with her.”

Bjork said nothing throughout the incident but the man with her was saying: “B, don’t do this, B, don’t do this,”‘ Jeffrey said.

Jeffrey spoke to Auckland police yesterday. He said: “I don’t see being assaulted as I’m working as a press photographer as an acceptable thing.

“If anybody assaults anybody you have the right to a legal recourse, whoever they are.”

New Zealand Herald

I can understand a celebrity getting angry at paparazzi who follow them everywhere, but the photographer was covering her arrival in order to create buzz around her upcoming tour. No matter how bad tempered you are after a long flight, you shouldn’t take that out on the people around you.

This is not Bjork’s first incident of assaulting a reporter, in 1996 she assaulted a woman who asked questions of her then ten year old son. her record company defended her actions saying that the reporter had been following her for several days. View the video of the 1996 attack here.

Since the death of Princess Diana the paparazzi have been seen as the ‘bad guys’ and stars regularly hit out at them, most famously Hugh Grant with his can of baked beans, Britney Spears with an umbrella, and Avril Lavigne with her saliva. Are the paparazzi actually that aggressive, or are celebrities getting too sensitive? After all, while we don’t need all that coverage, it is the public’s interest in you that makes your living. As soon as the public lose interest in you they’ll stop buying your product.

Also, I doubt that Bjork actually has that many paparazzi following her about, particularly not in New Zealand where we only have three news agencies and two major newspapers. I do feel for her a bit though - she has no choice but to travel through the airport to get into the country, and there is only one exit, where photographers can stand waiting for her. I’m not sure that there is another exit, as like everyone entering the country she must go through customs.

Also, the attack was very aggressive, tearing a grown man’s shirt. A simple “Fuck off” would probably have done the trick.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Bjork is shown performing in Toronto on 9/8/07, thanks to PRPhotos.

A new book has been released in South Africa with details of the night Charlize Theron’s father died, including the then 15-year-old Charlize’s police statement. Author Chris Karsten has released a book titled Deadly Women: When Passion Turns To Blood and got his hands on police records that were apparently lost shortly after Charlize won her Oscar for Monster.

The statement by Charlize reads:

“I, Miss Charlize Theron, a 15-year-old white female of Plot 56, Third Avenue, Cloverdene, (of) Die Kruin High School, Johannesburg, Standard 8, hereby declare the following:

“My mother went to ask my father for the key. I could hear that he was aggressive towards her.

“I then heard my father’s brother, Danie Theron, ask him: ‘Why do you take shit from her?’

“Then someone banged on the kitchen door. I told my mom that it was my dad, and that I was afraid of him.”

Charlize then sketches the events immediately before the shooting.

Her mother opened the door to her father and they quarrelled about the security gate being locked.

Her statement reads: “My father said he would kill us with his shotgun. My mom said she was afraid that he really would kill us.

“The next moment I heard a number of shots being fired. I don’t know how many, and then I heard my mom screaming? hysterically.

“When I went into the passage, I saw my father’s brother, Danie Theron, standing in the passage.

“My mom was sitting in a corner of the bedroom. I ran to her and asked: ‘What happened?’

“My mother was crying and she said: ‘Charlize, I’ve shot them. I’ve shot them.’

“I can only state that my mother had not had any alcohol at any stage. She was sober.”

News24 - the excerpt from the book and Karsten’s interview are here.

Karsten says he obtained this statement through the police, and using the Access To Information Act. He is a journalist, this is his third book.

The book isn’t yet released internationally, and while Charlize and her mother Gerda have made no comment on the book, her father’s side of the family wanted the whole story told. They say that Charlize and Gerda had threatened to take the family to court if they spoke about it. This is probably part of the reason that Charlize told reporters about her mother killing her father herself, rather then leave it to be discovered. Karsten says he included the story because it was well-known, but he felt the whole story hadn’t been told.

The aim of the book is to encouage women in abusive relationships to leave before it ‘turns to blood’, and while Charlize’s story might have been included to lift sales, I think if the book does raise awareness of domestic violence it would be a good thing. Also, it is interesting that a police file that contains no great revelations has been hidden for so long. Is it because of Charlize’s celebrity, or the fact the judge never passed a definitive verdict on the case?

Note by Celebitchy: According to reports Charlize’s dad fired the shotgun first and her mom shot him in self-defense. He was said to have been a verbally abusive parent and an alcoholic, but Charlize said he was “a verbal abuser,” not a physical abuser. [Details from In Touch Magazine, print edition, December 10, 2007]

Charlize and her mother Gerda are shown at the Covenant House California Dove Awards on 5/7/04, thanks to PRPhotos.

I don’t like to give Jack Nicholson too much coverage – I don’t care what anyone says, I can’t stand him. He just seems really smarmy, and every time he gives his trademark sneer I want to punch him in the ear. With that said, it seems I have a little more evidence in my “Jack Nicholson is a total wang” argument – he claims he may have fathered as many as 9,000 children. What a potent seed you must have, sir.

Randy Jack Nicholson reckons he could have as many as nine thousand kids. The legendary Lothario has four acknowledged offspring by three women. But Shining star Jack said: “There could be 9,000 for all I know – I used to live so freely.”

Jack, 70 – whose exes include actress Anjelica Houston [sic]– admits calming down with age. He said: “You can’t get too wild these days but I’m as wild as you can get.”

A source said: “He loves women – it’s as simple as that.”

[From the Sun]

Excuse me while I run to the bathroom. I get that he’s being glib when he says he may have 9,000 kids, but it sounds like he’s bragging. And I don’t think potentially fathering a lot of kids that you don’t even know about is something to feel proud of. Even if his boast is more about how many women he’s slept with – he’s still boasting that he’s slept with them in an irresponsible way that could have left them alone with a kid. I’m sure my revulsion to his comments is influenced by my dislike of him in general, but somehow I find calling that behavior “living freely” really selfish.

Of course there is always the good news that Anjelica Huston beat the crap out of him. That image tends to calm me down a little.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Jack Nicholson is shown getting up close and personal with Sally Kellerman, yes Sally Kellerman at Fashion Week on 3/22/06. Apparently she was picking something from his teeth. Here’s a picture of Kellerman since I was curious what she looks like now. She has no connection to Nicholson that I could find apart from attending the Actor’s Studio with him, I just thought these pictures were cute and wanted to show one of her face. Thanks to PRPhotos for these photos.

My faith in humanity is shaken. “Details” magazine has named Kevin Federline the 7th most influential person under 45. He is stationed on the cover of the magazine looking like he is guilty of passing gas and hoping you don’t notice. To his right, amongst several story topics included in the issue, is the highlight “Are You Turning Your Kid Into a Douchbag?” I am guessing this was done on purpose.

“Who’s the 7th most-influential man under 45? Well, according to Details magazine, that man is Kevin Federline. And they even gave him the cover!”

[People]

To further the jaw dropping factor, Details gives the title of “Good Father” to both Kevin and Larry Birkhead. Their reasoning for the father of the year award is due to “being more visible presences in their children’s lives than many Hollywood A-listers.” Federline also delves into his deep fuzzy thoughts for the magazine, touching on subjects like his career and kids.

Kevin on fatherhood:
“To be a father is…everything. It shows me how little I am.”

The direction of his career:
“I’d actually like to play somebody other than a bad guy or an ass.”

What is playing on his TV right now:
“My TVs are pretty much G-rated right now. Anything from SpongeBob to Finding Nemo, and you know, I’m still trying to decide which one I like more.”

Meanwhile, Kevin is at the center of a battle for his babies. Both he and Britney Spears are under investigation for child abuse. The Los Angeles County Department of Child and Family Services is appealing to Commissioner Scott Gordon to take a look into the actual care of both Sean Preston and Jayden James. Several complaints and tips have been presented to Child and Family Services. Most have been from employees of both Spears and Federline.

If looking at your kids as a walking dollar sign and a great way to pump press for yourself is good parenting, then sure, Kevin and Larry are the front runners for father of the year. As my Grandpa would so plainly put it…. “He is like a turd that won’t flush.”