I’m not going to say that it actually sucks to be Britney Spears – I means she’s got money, fame, a decent amount of talent if she’d actually use it properly… but it’s got to suck a little bit, at least lately. There definitely aren’t as many people that’d be willing to trade live with her as there used to be. Brit had a pretty crappy day yesterday: the surprise secret witness (who wasn’t as exciting as we’d all hoped – who else was pulling for Perry the manny?), former bodyguard Tony Barretto, submitted a sealed declaration about Brit’s drug use, nudity, and “safety issues” involving his sons – all post rehab. Brit’s lawyers chose not to cross-examine him, which shocked Barretto’s lawyer, Gloria Allred. Does anyone else think it’s really weird that someone so non-famous chose Allred as his lawyer? I mean he’s no Amber Frey, what’s he hoping to get from this?

We don’t yet know how specific the allegations are (ie did he see Brit high or did he see her with a needle in her arm?) but hopefully, they’ll be unsealed or leaked at some point. I say hopefully because we’ll have a field day with them. I think the drug use and nudity have all been pretty obvious – I mean the girl can’t keep her undies on in public, why in the world would she bother in private? But I am curious about the specific allegations involving “safety issues” relating to the kids, and those seem the most urgent to me. Apparently “Spears hired Barretto when she left a rehabilitation facility in March but fired him May 17 because ‘he didn’t hear her when she asked him to pick up her hat,’ Allred said,” according to the Associated Press.

“A former bodyguard for Britney Spears went to court Monday to support a sealed declaration about questionable behavior by the pop star in a child-custody dispute between the singer and ex-husband Kevin Federline — but never got to testify.

“Tony Barretto, 28, arrived with a lawyer but Family Court Commissioner Scott M. Gordon held only a brief open session before clearing the courtroom of everyone but attorneys for Spears and Federline to privately discuss unsealing documents in the ongoing case. Outside court, Barretto’s attorney Gloria Allred issued a statement calling him a “key and secret witness.”

“We are shocked that Ms. Spears’ attorneys chose not to cross-examine our client as to the substance of his declaration,” Allred said. “Our client was prepared to testify on issues of nudity by Ms. Spears, drug use, and safety issues involving the children post-rehab.”

[From the Associated Press]

So all around, not the best situation for Britney. L.A. County’s Department of Children and Family Services, which had closed their investigation into Britney’s parenting, appears to be involved in the case again, though to what extent remains unclear.

In matters professional (and I used that word loosely when describing Britney Spears) Brit’s brand-new manager, Jeff Kwatinetz, fired Spears and got the hell out of dodge.

“Manager Jeff Kwatinetz of the Firm dumped Spears as a client after just one month of repping her. ‘It saddens us to confirm media reports that we have terminated our professional relationship with Britney Spears,’ the management company said. ‘We believe Britney is enormously talented, and has made a terrific record. But current circumstances have prevented us from properly doing our job. We wish Britney the best.’

“Like Wasser, Kwatinetz reportedly had issues with Spears’ decision making. The move comes just a week after Spears’ Video Music Awards flameout. Regardless, Spears’ label, Jive Records, says the behind-the-scenes maneuvers won’t affect her ballyhooed comeback album. ‘The label does not comment on artist/management relations. We’re gearing up for a Nov. 13 album release date,’ the label said.”

[From E! News]

Let’s break down what they were really saying:

“‘It saddens [relieves] us to confirm media reports [fuel the fire] that we have terminated [gotten the hell away] our professional relationship [“working girl”] with Britney Spears [drunken train wreck]. We believe Britney is enormously [vaguely] talented [bullshit], and has made a terrific [shitastic] record. But current circumstances [she tried to eat our cat] have prevented us from properly doing our job [the cat yowled and we realized it sounded better than Britney’s new album]. We wish Britney the best [as long as she stays the hell away from us. And our cat].’”

So I think that pretty much sums up Britney’s current circumstances. She does drugs naked while her kids sit in the bathtub alone drinking bubbles while she eats cats. Really, at this point, would that be all that shocking? Maybe a little, but not at all surprising. Britney, I’m no longer going to tell you to get your act together, because that’s clearly not going to happen. But I have the number of a nice, spa-like asylum that has some restraints with your name on them.

Legal Disclosure: By reading this article that you’ve already read, you agree to acknowledge that Britney Spears doesn’t really eat cats. Most likely. If you lack a sense of humor and/or are one of Britney’s lawyers, you must agree to hold harmless the writer. She will compensate your client with a lifetime supply of Cheetos.

Picture note by JayBird: Header image of Tony Baretto, back when he was working for Britney in May. Images thanks to WENN.

I’m not sure if we have that many country music loving folks here, so I generally don’t cover the Nashville scene all that much. But once in a while a crossover tale emerges, and you end up with the likes of Mindy McCready, most famous to us non-Nashvillians (is that what they’re called?) as the lady who once dated former Superman Dean Cain. She’s also had several country hits, including “Guys Do it All the Time.” McCready has lived a rather… dramatic existence the last several years. She’s been a victim of extreme domestic violence, her boyfriend tried to murder her, she had a suicide attempt when she found out she was pregnant, and has since struggled with drug and alcohol addictions. This past Friday, McCready was sentenced to a year in jail for violating her probation after she was arrested for assaulting her mother and resisting arrest – police had to use pepper spray to get her under control.

“The jail sentence should keep McCready out of the blotter for a few months, which is something of rarity. In addition to her 2004 conviction for prescription fraud, she was arrested in May 2005 on charges of drunken driving and driving on a suspended license, though only the latter charge stuck.

“Shortly after the bust, her then boyfriend and father of her son, Billy McKnight, was arrested and charged with attempting to murder McCready after a domestic dispute reached alarming heights of brutality.

“In August of the same year, the “Ten Thousand Angeles” singer, who has not released an album since 2002, was again arrested and held for 10 days after a warrant was issued in her name for parole violations. In her subsequent court appearance, McCready revealed she had attempted suicide after learning she was pregnant and had been hospitalized for an overdose of drugs and alcohol.”

[From E! News]

The really sad thing was when McCready was on Oprah, she kept talking about how she loved McKnight and still wanted to be with him and hoped they could work things out. And Oprah kept telling her she was messed up. I think she phrased it a little nicer, but it’s Oprah and she can be a hard ass, so you never know. Since that time, McCready has had several run-ins with the ex-boyfriend, who she admits she can’t stay away from. She was on probation for forging a prescription for OxyContin. She only had three more months, but didn’t make it.

“In the early morning hours of July 21, police in Fort Myers, Florida, responded to a call placed by McCready’s mother, Melody Inge. Inge told the dispatcher that her 31-year-old daughter was intoxicated and causing a ruckus at the family home. When police arrived, they found Inge with a scratch on the side of her face.

“McCready was rung up on charges of battery and resisting arrest. The ‘Guys Do It All the Time’ singer proved herself a difficult capture, refusing to be cuffed, police said. (For her part, McCready claimed she was tackled by officers while holding her 16-month-old son. The singer also claimed that she suffered a broken nose and sustained bruising during her scuffle with the cops.)

McCready failed to ease up during the booking process at the local Lee County Jail, police said, and officers were forced to pepper spray the entertainer into submission.

“She was eventually released on $1,000 bail, at which point she flew from Florida into Nashville, where she was taken into custody and booked at Williamson County Jail. She has been held in the facility without bail for her hat trick of violations: Not only did she break probation by getting arrested, but she failed to report the arrest to her probation officer and engaged in ‘assaultive behavior’ throughout the encounter.”

[From E! News]

She was sentenced to a year in the county jail for violating her probation, along with two additional years of probation and 200 hours of community service. McCready told the court she was sorry, and asked to have a chance to “make things as right as they can possibly be.” A lot of the stories written about McCready make her out to be the bad guy, and while she certainly is (in terms of what she did at her mom’s house), I also feel badly. Clearly she has some serious issues relating to being abused, and jail hasn’t – and probably won’t – address those issues. It sounds like she’s relied on drugs and alcohol to deal with it. Hopefully they will be some court-mandated counseling, too.

Picture note by JayBird: Header image of Mindy McCready performing in Nashville in June, 2005. Images thanks to PR Photos. Here’s McCready’s booking photo courtesy of the Lee County, Fla., Sheriff’s Office.

Praise Jeebus, one of the many lawsuits against Lindsay Lohan is going forward! This one is over the October 2005 crash in which Lohan hit a van that was making an illegal u-turn. Lohan was looking behind and over her shoulder at the time, but it was still ruled to be the van driver’s fault, since he was making an illegal turn. He’s sued Lohan for upwards of $200,000, and his lawyer has alleged that Lohan was drunk at the time of the crash. The lawyer’s logic is essentially that Lohan is drunk a lot, so she was likely drunk then. I’m not oversimplifying too much, that’s pretty much what the guy is saying, just in legalese. It didn’t seem like there was a good chance that the lawsuit would proceed to trial, given that it’s hard to prove Lohan was drunk at that specific time. Yeah we all know the burden of proof is much lower in a civil trial, but there’s still no evidence that Lohan had been drinking. She had just left the Ivy, and there are no witnesses that she drank during lunch there, and the California Highway Patrol said alcohol was not a factor in the crash. Still, Lindsay is a reckless person in general, both with her own body and with others. It seems likely that her own negligence had something to do with the crash – yeah the guy shouldn’t have been making an illegal u-turn, but Lohan shouldn’t have been driving forwards while looking backwards.

A lot of “accidents” have happened to Lindsay in the last couple years. Enough that it starts to look suspicious even before the DUIs and rehab and all that. Here’s a little timeline I put together of Lindsay’s last three years from Wikipedia, Hollywood.com, People, and Yahoo. Let’s recap, shall we?

2004
Car Crash – August 3. Studio City, CA. Lohan later sued.

Hospitalization – October 25th. “High fever” in Los Angeles, CA.

2005
Hospitalization – February. “Chest pains.”

Hospitalization – March 17th. Sprained ankle.

Car Crash - May 31. Fender bender.

Car Crash – June 1. “Innocent victim.” Led to a California law meant to control crazed paparazzi - holding them liable for triple damages whenever they cause a crash.

Car Crash – October 5. “Innocent victim.” Leaves the Ivy, slams into a truck that’s making an illegal u-turn. Lohan admitted she was looking behind her shoulder at the time. Lohan later sued.

2006
Hospitalization - January. Slipped on a staircase, broke a teacup and cut her leg in London.

Hospitalization - January. Asthma attack in Miami. 4 days in the hospital.

Hospitalization – July 25. Overheating and dehydration on the set of “Georgia Rule.”

Hospitalization – September. Broken wrist in New York City.

Car Crash – November 7. “Bumped” a paparazzo with her car in Los Angeles at 2am after leaving Hyde.

Car Crash – November 17 (approx). Vehicle rams into a police car in London with then-boyfriend Calum Best.

2007
Hospitalization - January 4. World’s briefest appendectomy. Seen partying until morning the day after alleged surgery.

Rehab - January 18. Checks into Wonderland Center.

Car Crash – March. Strikes a photographer with her BMW in Los Angeles.

Car Crash – March 13. Strikes a photographer in New York.

Car Crash - May 26. Loses control of her Mercedes and strikes a curb.

Hospitalization – May 26. Minor injuries related to car crash.

Arrest – DUI – alcohol. “Usable” amount of cocaine found in vehicle.

Rehab – May 28. Checks into Promises.

Car Chase - July 24. Commandeers white GMC and chases former assistant’s mother through Santa Monica. Fails field sobriety tests. Blood alcohol level tested at between 0.12 and 0.13 percent. Small amount of cocaine found in pocket of pants.

Arrest – July 24th. Arrested on felony charges of possession of cocaine, transportation of a narcotic, and misdemeanor DUI and driving with a suspended license.

Rehab – August. Checks into Cirque Lodge.

So that’s nine car crashes in three years. Three trips to rehab in less than one year. Nine trips to the hospital, all under rather dubious circumstances. At some point you realize she’s either the unluckiest girl in the world, or she has a lot to do with all these things that “happen” to her. It’s more that she’s happening to them. She’s not just some girl who accidentally has 9 trips to the hospital. Unless she has a serious and chronic disease we don’t know about, nine trips in three years is not normal. I’m guessing Lohan has probably been drunk since about 1995 onwards, and all the falling down the stairs, heat exhaustion, and broken teacups attacking her are the logical result of all the drunkenness.

On the upside, it appears that Lohan’s community service for said drunk driving, cocaine, and chasing people will include a few little activities we didn’t know about. According to MSNBC, Lohan “must complete a three-day county coroner program in which she’ll visit a morgue and talk to victims of drunken drivers.” I doubt the victims of drunken drivers will impact Lohan in the least, because that’s about other people. But maybe the morgue will give her a better idea of what’ll happen to her if she doesn’t shape up, and let’s face it, it’s all about Lindsay.

It’s been about 5 weeks since Amy Winehouse ODed, got in a bloody fight with her husband and got kicked out of a hotel, and checked in and out of rehab. She also spent a vacation in the Caribbean with her enabler husband, Blake Fielder-Civil.

Although Winehouse cancelled her entire tour after her drug overdose, citing “exhaustion,” she hasn’t had a major catastrophe in that time. She even performed at a British awards ceremony, although she is said to have stormed out when she was passed over for an award.

She showed up to see the premiere of her friend Kelly Osbourne’s play Chicago on the West End of London on Monday night and she looked well put together for her and seemed to be ok. One of her fingers was all big and red, though, and looked like it might be infected.

Her mother, a pharmacist, blabbed to a magazine that she has Amy on a budget of 300 pounds, or about $600 a week, to keep her from blowing her money on drugs. Maybe that’s why she’s been holding up, although surely she could find another way to get drugs if she wanted. Janis Winehouse said that her daughter is an addict and that she can’t convince her to stop, and that this is all she can do:

Amy Winehouse’s mother is controlling her spending by restricting her to a £300 a week budget.

Janis Winehouse, 52, is so worried about her daughter she controls the rest of her income and only gives her the pocket money to prevent her spending more on drugs…

In an interview with First magazine, she has also revealed she no longer recognises her own daughter.

She said she sends her daughter text messages saying: “Where are you, what planet are you on? Call me.”

But the pharmacist, from Barnet, north London, said: “Amy is playing Russian roulette with her health and musical gift.

“She’s lost herself. We’re not talking about my Amy. It’s not someone I recognise. She has become her own stage creation.”

She said: “I knew she was smoking marijuana but not that she was doing class A drugs until she collapsed. She won’t stop until she sees the point of stopping… when I saw her afterwards, I did not tell her to clean up, there was no point.

“I know all about class A drugs. I understand the process where the brain shuts out everything except the drugs. Talking to her about it won’t make any difference.”

[From The Daily Mail]

If Amy Winehouse’s mom wants to get through to her the best way would be to STFU and just deal with her daughter on her own. It sounds like she’s trying to save face though and let everyone know that Amy’s drug problems are not her fault. She should be thinking of her daughter, though, and not about how it makes her look. Maybe she thinks that by airing it out she’ll somehow get through to her daughter, but I can’t help but think that she’s more concerned about people thinking she’s a bad mom.

Amy is 24, so I find it hard to believe that her mother still controls her finances. Her mom isn’t her manager.

Whatever is going on with Amy, she seems to have been relatively strife-free for about a month and apart from that messed up finger she looks like she’s managing. She has an incredible voice and I hope that she takes care of her issues and can come back better than ever. Unlike Britney, she doesn’t have an inflated sense of herself or even seem to realize how talented and worthy she is. Maybe once she has a little time to get her head on straight she will be able to beat her demons and sing her heart out.

Amy Winehouse and her husband are shown outside of the theater on Monday. Thanks to WENN for these photos.

The classiness that is Fergie thinks we should go easy on Britney and Lindsay. She says they need time alone to deal with their issues and get better – and that’s completely true. But they’re not doing that. Well I guess Lindsay is a little bit, only because she’s at the point where it’s rehab far away or jail. Though she’s still been out and about, supposedly even stopping by a convenience store to buy beer while in rehab. Britney has been out partying pretty much every night for the last year or so. It’s ridiculous. If they want some privacy and to get better, stay home! Go to rehab! The problem with Britney is she’s given no indication that she wants to get better or that she even realizes anything is wrong with her or her life. So it’s good advice in theory, but the change has to start with the famous person, not with the general public for watching the famous person.

“Fergie – no stranger to tabloid attention – says she can relate to what Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan are going through. And what the 20-something stars need, says the 32-year-old Black Eye Peas singer, is some breathing room so they can help themselves. ‘They’re young,’ Fergie (real name: Stacy Ferguson) said at a Fashion Rocks event in New York. ‘I was young when I went through my stuff. Leave them alone. If they want to get better, they’re going to get better on their own.’

Spears, 25, has returned to Los Angeles to rejoin her sons, Jayden, Sean Preston, who are respectively turning 1 and 2 this week, after a disappointing comeback performance Sunday at the MTV Video Music Awards in Las Vegas. Earlier this year, she spent a month in rehab. Lohan, 21, is in her third rehab program, this one in Utah, following her DUI arrest last month, for which she was sentenced to a day in jail. In a statement, she said she was addicted to alcohol and drugs and had relapsed.

Fergie, whose own time in rehab was for a crystal meth addiction, says that Spears and Lohan should ignore the media attention and focus on their problems. ‘If somebody is going to change, they have to want to do it themselves,’ she says. ‘I think it is really unfair to them when they are trying to get help. We’re all watching as a nation and commenting day by day on their rehabilitation. It’s not fair. You’re supposed to have a sanctuary, a place where you can go and not be pressured every day.’”

[From People]

If Britney and Lindsay want sanctuary, they need to go find one. It’s not everyone else’s job to make one for them. I don’t give her credit for much, but at least Lindsay Lohan has been laying low in rehab. She’s gone out a bit, but nothing like before, and she (or one of her handlers) was smart enough to go to a rehab away from Hollywood. These girls have major problems, and neither of them seem to really understand that. They don’t like the consequences – jail, bad headlines, crappy performances – but don’t seem to realize that in order to get those things to stop, they have to stop. Go somewhere far away and get your head and your life together. Most people can’t afford to do that, but both Lindsay and Britney are uniquely lucky that they can. Take advantage.

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s Fergie - looking like a hot mess as usual - promoting her new line of handbags at Macy’s last Wednesday. Images thanks to PR Photos.

The things you learn as a gossip blogger are usually completely worthless with a high amusement and shock factor. In this case, there’s nothing amusing about little animals turned into junkies by their abusive owners, but it’s still something that wouldn’t occur to me on my own.

Pete Doherty’s cat was said to be found with cocaine in its system after he brought it to a veterinarian a few weeks ago acting strangely. Tox screens on the cat came up positive for cocaine. I wasn’t really sure of the validity of that story as it sounded kind of out there, even for Doherty.

Now The Sun has a picture of a wee kitty taking a hit off what’s said to be a specially made crack pipe from a tiny bottle. Supposedly this picture is of Pete Doherty, but his face is not visible.

The story that accompanies it about how f’ed up the poor cat is as a result is just sad:

JUNKIE Pete Doherty is snapped appearing to give his kitten crack — from a mini-pipe he made specially for it.

Sickened pals who leaked the picture claimed the warped rocker regularly gets the pet smashed.

They said it PASSES OUT with its paws in the air, suffers MOOD SWINGS and even thinks it can FLY.

One added: “In Pete’s mind it is the only one who understands him now.”

The Babyshambles frontman’s cat Dinger — named after a slang term for a syringe — had five kittens in April.

The friend said: “One in particular has borne the brunt of his drug abuse. Pete thinks it’s hilarious to get it wasted.

“He even made a special mini-crack pipe out of a bottle so it can get the maximum hit.

“But the kitten is starting to get really bad withdrawal symptoms.

“It has lost some of its balance and takes huge risks jumping over things that are too high. It thinks it can fly. It’s really distressing to see.”

[From The Sun]

If I doubted that “cat on cocaine” story on Pete before, I don’t now.

The thing that is news to me is the secondary story in this article about how squirrels are supposedly getting high from crack rocks that are hidden in public parks. This sounds like an urban legend:

DOHERTY’S kitten is not the first animal with addiction problems. In 2005 The Sun told how squirrels in Brixton, South London, became hooked on crack cocaine hidden by addicts in gardens.

Residents said the tufties had bloodshot eyes and were “digging desperately” in flower-beds.

In the US, crack squirrels are a recognised problem in New York and Washington DC parks.

[From The Sun]

I sincerely doubt this is true, because if it is it’s too much like a scene out of cartoon. There’s nothing on snopes that I could find about these supposed crack squirrels, but there is a forum on urbanlegends on about.com discussing whether it seems likely.

Here’s the article from The Sun on crack squirrels. Disappointingly, there’s no video. The Guardian investigated this crack squirrel phenomenon and found only rumors and no hard evidence.

Maybe if squirrels were tame like pets they could really be turned into hardcore addicts like Pete Doherty’s poor kitty. How fucked up do you have to be to subject a defenseless animal to your addictions?

The RSPCA said they can’t do much about the picture, because “there needs to be more evidence.”

The best way to help drug-addicted Amy Winehouse and her equally drug-addicted husband, Blake Fielder-Civil? Don’t buy her records, according to her in-laws. Apparently the couple who raised a professional layabout and leach have decided they know what’s best for Amy: don’t support her career. They don’t make any mention of what anyone should do to punish their son Blake. But it is hard to take something away from someone who hasn’t earned anything.

“The father-in-law of singer Amy Winehouse said Tuesday that fans should stop buying her records to force her to seek help for drug addiction. Giles Fielder-Civil said Winehouse and his son, Blake Fielder-Civil, were in ‘abject denial’ about their problems. He said he believed the couple had used cocaine, crack cocaine and heroin. “‘I think they believe they are recreational users of drugs and they are in control,’ Fielder-Civil told British Broadcasting Corp. radio. ‘Clearly they are addicts.’ He said fans should send a message ‘that her addiction and her behavior are not acceptable. Perhaps it is time to stop buying records,’ Fielder-Civil said. ‘It’s a possibility, to send that message.’

“Giles Fielder-Civil said Winehouse’s record label, Island, should be more ‘pro-active in helping the couple to get better’ and suggested the singer not be given awards until she cleaned up her act. ‘We shouldn’t be condoning her addiction by rewarding her with these awards’” he said.”

[From the Washington Post]

From most of the things that have been printed about Blake’s parents, they’ve been less-than-helpful with regarding their son’s problems and his negative influence on Amy. They’ve repeatedly denied that he even has a problem, and have constantly put the blame on Winehouse. Suddenly they understand he’s a drug addict, but again, the solution is to put pressure on Amy. I understand that his ultimate point (though he doesn’t say it, but let’s assume this is what he’s getting at) is to take away the source of funding for the drugs. But let’s be realistic, Amy’s made a lot of money, and if everyone stopped buying her records today, she and Blake would still be able to get drugs. Poor addicts manage to do it everyday, so I’m sure they’d find a way. That doesn’t treat their addiction, and it’s just a ploy to get publicity for himself. If he really cares about them, he needs to shut up, find his kid, and get him into a rehab facility far, far away. Blabbing to the press doesn’t help anything, and it just demonstrates what an idiot the guy is. He’s never shown any understanding that Blake has some responsibility for their massively messed up situation. Though it kind of explains how he got that way.

Picture note by JayBird: Header image of Amy and Blake out on Friday after their big fight. Images thanks to Splash Photos.

The last time Lohan was in a country club rehab, one of three she’s been in this year, she was said to have been caught by staff mixing whippets with cold medicine. The contraband was slipped into Promises by an out patient. She was also said to have skipped AA meetings and group therapy.

Now that she’s in Cirque Lodge near the Sundance resort in Utah following her latest DUI, her level of commitment to recovery is just about the same - nil. She was supposedly spotted out buying beer, and she’s said to have been accused by staff at the facility of doing drugs. What’s more is that she snuck out with some random male patient there and doesn’t want to do her required chores. It’s all just typical Lindsay.

Since checking into Cirque Lodge earlier this month, Lindsay has acted like a diva who doesn’t think rules apply to her. “Lindsay got called into the director’s office on Aug. 15 and was questioned about drugs,” says the source. “When ordered to take a drug test, she reluctantly complied but screamed and cursed at the medical director before storming out [sic] the room. She was told that if she couldn’t conform to the program she’d have to leave.”

Although her reps deny the story, sources say Lindsay has broken other rules, including leaving the grounds unsupervised. “On her second night, Lindsay snuck out with an older guy she met at a meeting,” says another source.

“That’s a no-no, and Lindsay knows it.” The actress isn’t working very hard on her recovery either, sources reveal. “She shows up at meetings late and sits there writing in a journal,” says the source. “Recently, she’s been skipping meetings altogether.”

Not only did Lindsay sneak in a prohibited cell phone, she’s also been demanding star treatment since she arrived, sources say. The luxury rehab, which costs about $30,000 a month, expects patients to work as well as attend group counseling sessions and one-on-one meetings with doctors, psychiatrists and other medical professionals. When told what her daily schedule would be, she said in a sarchastic voice: “F-ck that! I don’t think so.” One source says, “All the residents help out with course, but Lindsay doesn’t lift a finger.” Lindsay also refuses to eat and throws plates in the garbage when the chef won’t make what she wants, sources added.

[From Star Magazine, print edition, September 3, 2007]

As if all that wasn’t enough, ever-reliable News of the World is claiming that Lindsay was busted having sex with another patient - a guy - in a bathroom at rehab. She came out with JBF hair and all red-faced after they were heard making grunting noises in the loo.

None of this is surprising. She is even staging photo-ops from rehab, and gave OK! an exclusive of her sitting there all demure-looking reading an AA book.

Lohan copped a plea for her second DUI, a cross-city chase in which she carjacked the SUV of a guy she met that night, took two passengers hostage and ran over another guy’s foot. She will serve just one day in jail after all that. She claimed in an all-too-perfect statement that she’s an addict and takes responsibility for her actions, that’s she’s ashamed and hopes to change. If it was written with a lot of typos and rambling references to political figures and celebrities, I would have believed the statement was from her. As it is, she’s showing just how willing she is to change by continuing to behave like a diva in rehab. At least she’s still alive and hasn’t killed anyone yet.

Amy Winehouse and got into a massive – and physical – fight with her husband, Blake Fielder-Civil on Friday morning, and there’s bloody, graphic pictures – and a host of witnesses – to prove it. The pair dropped out of rehab for the second time a few days ago and have been holed up in a posh Soho hotel in London. Late Thursday night, Amy left the hotel, ran across the street, and casually “hugged” a girl. The girl slipped Amy a package that we’re all assuming contained drugs. Keep in mind she has about 100 paparazzi following her all the time, so it’s not like she could do something like that and think it would go unnoticed. A few hours later, screaming was heard from their room, and after a while Amy ran out. She was bloody, and bruised, with scrapes and swollen knuckles. Her clothing was torn and bloody in places – even her shoes. She ran to the elevator, where Blake followed her. Even though there was someone else in the elevator, he screamed at her as she cowered in the corner. When they got to the lobby Amy jetted out of the hotel and flagged down some random driver, who drove her a few miles and dropped her off at a convenience store. Blake chased the car and then wandered through the streets of London calling for her at four in the morning. Eventually he reached her on her cell phone, and the two reconnected and went back to the hotel together – but not before the press got some crystal clear photos of the mess.

“Bloody and battered after ripping into each other during a drug-fuelled row, this is Amy Winehouse, the cream of Britain’s young singing talent, and her junkie husband Blake Fielder-Civil. Stumbling around the streets of London at 4.45am, the pair bore the wounds of an almighty row which spiralled wildly out of control. ..The fight in the early hours of yesterday left 23-year-old Miss Winehouse with blood staining her pink ballet shoes and the knees of her jeans. Purple bruises could be seen on the side of her neck and her knuckles were swollen. But her 24-year-old husband appeared to have come off a lot worse - with cuts and scratches on both cheeks and around his neck.

“…The singer returned to her hotel room and within hours other guests complained of raised voices, clattering furniture and screaming. Shortly afterwards, the concierge was called. Miss Winehouse, who has a history of self-harming, had asked for medical assistance to patch up cuts on her arm. At around 2.30am, said guests, the fight sounded like it had restarted - then Miss Winehouse was seen sprinting down the corridor to the lift, pursued by her badly bleeding husband.

“The couple then dashed into the street. An eyewitness said: ‘Just after 3am, Amy came sprinting out and down the road. She was in a real state of panic. Blake was running after her, but couldn’t catch up. Amy was so hell-bent on getting away from him that she ran into the middle of the street and flagged down a random car that happened to be full of girls. She was saying, ‘Quickly, I have to get in, I have to get away, please help me’. Her voice was breaking, you could tell she was scared. The car drove off at speed and ended up about a mile away at Charing Cross station. Amy got out and went into a 24-hour shop to buy cigarettes. She was looking completely out of her head. Blake ran after the car for a while. He spent the next half hour or so wandering around in a daze with blood over his face, looking in doorways for her, shouting her name out. Eventually, he got through to her on the mobile. There were a lot of tears and shouting, but they calmed down and met up at around 4am and slowly walked back to the hotel arm-in-arm. They got back at 4.45am.’”

[From the Daily Mail]

You can view some of the more graphic pictures of their fight on the Daily Mail’s website. It really is clear that Amy’s life is spiraling out of control. Sometimes it seems like she almost wants it to, because she’s so public and dramatic about it. Why get your drugs publicly when paparazzi are camped outside your hotel room when you’re probably able to get them delivered to the room? Why drink at pubs all the time when you can drink at home? I’m sure her problems are more than real, but it seems like she wants them to play out in a public setting. Apparently the pair’s parents arranged another meeting (intervention) within a few hours of their fight. She and Blake left the hotel - a little cleaned up – with Amy carrying a picture of their wedding. Hopefully on their way back to rehab –separately.

Picture note by JayBird: Header image of Amy and Blake leaving their hotel after their fight. Splash captions the picture: “Amy Winehouse leaves by the back door of her hotel in a blacked-out car and books into a new hotel. Her husband shows the cuts on his face from the big fight they allegedly had the night before. Amy is carrying the picture of her wedding under her arm so they must have made up.” Thanks to Splash Photos for the image.

Boy the justice system sure is tough on drug/alcohol abusing celebrities lately. It’s been rumored that Lindsay Lohan could get off easily, since she wasn’t going to be charged with any felonies. Most sources were saying a minimum of 4 days, but it turns out to be even better – just 1. The rageaholic, self-centered actress will have to put in an additional 10 days of community service. Pretty sweet deal for borrowing a car and chasing someone down in the middle of the night while intoxicated. Lohan was original ordered to spend 96 hours in jail, which was reduced to 48. She was then given credit for time served when she was arrested, which somehow brought her down to one day in jail. Something tells me one day won’t get through to her like she needs.

“Lohan reached a plea deal on Thursday and will spend one day behind bars, plus 10 days of community service and must complete a drug treatment program, Access Hollywood has learned. As part of the plea deal, Lohan reportedly pleaded no contest to two charges of DUI, and two charges of being under the influence of a controlled substance (on two separate occasions) and reckless driving.

“Lohan was charged earlier in the day with seven misdemeanors stemming from two drunken-driving arrests in the last four months. More serious felony drug charges were not filed, prosecutors said, because tests showed there wasn’t enough cocaine on her to warrant them. A rep for Lindsay released the following statement to Access Hollywood on behalf of Lohan:

‘”It is clear to me that my life has become completely unmanageable because I am addicted to alcohol and drugs. Recently, I relapsed and did things for which I am ashamed. I broke the law, and today I took responsibility by pleading guilty to the charges in my case. No matter what I said when I was under the influence on the day I was arrested, I am not blaming anyone else for my conduct other than myself. I thank God I did not injure others. I easily could have. I very much want to be healthy and gain control of my life and career and have asked for medical help in doing so. I am taking these steps to improve my life. Luckily, I am not alone in my daily struggle and I know that people like me have succeeded. Maybe with time it will become easier. I hope so.’”

[From Yahoo News]

I hope whatever PR lackey wrote the copy of her remorseful statement gets a raise. That’s all really creative. Um, could you try saying something new? How many times has everyone heard that Lindsay is sorry and knows what she did was wrong? She’s not sorry, and maybe knows it’s wrong but doesn’t give a rip. Remember how before all this, Lohan kept getting into car accident after car accident? It seemed to average at about 4 or 5 a year, and she always blamed the paparazzi. Now that we have it on record that she likes to incorporate some time behind the wheel into her boozing expeditions, it really makes you wonder just how much the paparazzi really had to do with all those accidents. Yeah they’re annoying and have flashing lights and crowd around you, but I’m guessing that’s a lot harder to deal with when you’re completely plastered.

Picture note by JayBird: Header image of Lindsay walking some dogs in rehab on Monday. Note the prominently displayed “Faith” hat. If she wears it, I guess that means we’re supposed to believe she has it. Image thanks to Splash Photos.