Lindsay Lohan seemed like she was moderately improving. She didn’t strike back at Paris Hilton or Brandon Davis for the firecrotch rant video, and she may have even made up with Paris depending on how you interpret the story. She also admitted to not being able to stay in a committed relationship. She came off as a sympathetic slutty character for a week or two. Then she had to go and open her mouth again.

A few weeks ago she told Matt Lauer that she’s the “hardest working person” she knows.

In an interview in Harper’s Bazaar, she takes her frenetic self perception to a new level by claiming that she’s gone through more in her coke-fueled 19.75 years than most people have in a lifetime. Yeah, that’s how you see the world when you’re jacked up on coke.

These few quotes by Lohan provide a lot of fodder to rip on her.

It’s completely out of touch and arrogant for Lohan to say she’s been through more than most people - not some people - have in a lifetime. She shleps around handbags that are worth more than a large percentage of families in the world take home in a year. (Disclosure: I am totally superficial and would carry these same purses if I could afford it.) Doing a lot of drugs, guys, and shopping is not in the same hardship league as not being able to put food on the table.

In terms of Lohan saying that she’s in it for the long term and doesn’t want to run out of steam, that seems like a legimate concern she should have. Lohan is partying like a mad woman, and she’s linked with a new guy every week. It’s all well and good to say you have trouble settling down, but being known for going to the bathroom a lot and having catfights with models who date your older fuckbuddies isn’t going to do much for her career. She needs to actually calm down and stay home for a while if she wants to be taken seriously. (And it’s probably Brett Ratner who called her “kid,” because don’t all directors use that term?)

So let’s call Lindsay Lohan “Kid Party Girl” from now on. It seems to bother her much more than “Firecrotch.”

Here she is at a Cartier event looking completely sober.

Maybe being humped by dolphins skeeved Jessica Alba out so bad that she became a germ-o-phobe, because she admits to using antibacterial Febreze liberally when she has to stay in hotels:

It’s not like Alba’s staying at the Comfort Inn, so she has a serious problem if she can’t trust the cleanliness at the Four Seasons or Ritz Carlton.

Alba hasn’t been seen with her boyfriend, Cash Warren, in some time. She was said to have broken his heart by deciding to move to NY in the near future, and may have discouraged him from proposing to her. Commentors on Jmazone.de note that Warren may be working in Vancouver, which could explain his absence.

Here is Alba admitting her problem to Jay on “The Tonight Show.” [via]

Lindsay Lohan says that she can’t settle down with one guy, and tries to explain away her sluttiness by claiming she’s like a guy:

Lohan says she’s not with McFly’s drummer Harry Judd, and that they’re “just friends,” but Judd’s bandmates wrote a song teasing him about hooking up with Lindsay, called “Please Please Lindsay Please.”

Here’s a story about the song on E! Daily. The lyrics: “You love yourself more than you love me.”

Judd must be one of the “several men who live overseas” Lindsay’s publicist says she dating. We suspect one of the other guys is Londoner Jamie Burke, Kate Moss’ ex.

Lindsay may have a good excuse for not being able to stick with one guy - she’s jacked up on so much cocaine that she needs constant excitement.

Lindsay is a busy girl, all right.

Here she is getting a less harmful stimulant and getting out of her car. [via]

Last weekend I took a cheap ass EasyJet flight with my family to Berlin. In case you’re not familiar with EasyJet, it’s the Southwest Airlines of Europe. You can sit wherever you want, but drinks and snacks are expensive and there are no TVs. The flight over was decent, but on the way back a British stewardess with an attitude named something like Jenine was wearing perfume so heavy it permeated the entire plane and gave my husband and me a headache. (I’m writing this on the off chance that my bitching will get back to the management at EasyJet without me going through the trouble of writing a complaint letter.)

Anyway Pete Doherty, the lead singer of BabyShambles and Kate Moss’ on and off boyfriend, was on an EasyJet flight and took an extra long time in the bathroom. EasyJet staff found a bloody syringe hidden in the trashcan afterwards, so of course they had to blame poor Pete.

Pete likes to create art while he’s taking a dump and it’s ridiculous that EasyJet staff would deny him the pleasure. It’s already hard enough for the guy to catch a break without getting questioned over every little bloody syringe! Those EasyJet flights are so uncomfortable and the staff is paranoid and unaccommodating.

Pete and his Babyshambles bandmembers are permanently banned from all EasyJet filghts now, and they should be grateful not to have to go through that again.

Here are some Pete Doherty fans outside of his case review hearing at Thames Magistrate Court on 5/12. Love the devil guy.

Michelle Rodriguez was released from jail after serving a mere 4 hours of a 60 day sentence for violating parole. We initially thought she was arrogant and foolish for taking jail time instead of community service for an earlier DUI violation. She only served 65 hours of a 5 day sentence for that conviction, and praised the merits of jail, saying she sang show tunes, wrote poetry, and got along with the other inmates. The prospect of so much jail time seemed trying for the “Lost” actress, who was said to be “solemn-looking” while leaving court after sentencing. She got off with even less time served now, though, making it seem like she’s working the system:

Surely someone pulled some strings for Rodriguez, or maybe this is standard procedure as suggested.

Last week Rodriguez told photographers that she was moving to France, because “people don’t bother you there,” but she was out in LA at the “Ultimate Fighting Championship” boxing match on Saturday, as seen in the header image, above. She seems to be enjoying herself, while her friends look like they’d rather be anywhere else.

Rodriguez still has 30 days of alcohol rehab to serve along with years of probation. Maybe that will help keep her sober since she hasn’t faced stiff consequences yet for multiple DUI violations.

In these new pictures of Nicole Richie on the beach in Malibu on Sunday she looks like she gained a little essential weight. She’s still vastly too skinny, but you have to give the poor waif a little credit. She must have had a sandwich in the time between December and now, because there’s a slight difference. It could be the fact that she’s cleverly hiding her sternum beneath a scarf, but her stomach looks a little more filled out, and her legs are less skinny. It looks like a 5-7 pound weight gain. She isn’t a normal weight by any measure though. Picking her apart probably won’t help her face up to her problem, but we couldn’t resisit.

According to one of Nicole’s friends, her drastic weight loss was caused by an addiction to the over the counter weight loss drug hoodia.

Nicole’s friend sounds like she’s covering up for her other addictions.

Thanks to celebworld for reposting the older picture of Nicole in a bikini for comparison.

Pictures [via]

Singer Robbie Williams told everyone that he quit smoking in order to shape up for the British celebrity soccer tournament, “Soccer Aid.” The Sun reported it on 5/21 as it was real news:

Williams looks pretty gulty to be caught smoking outside the reception for the upcoming game yesterday. He must be more afraid of dealing with withdrawl and gaining weight than letting his team down.

“Soccer Aid” is a fund raiser for UNICEF. Robbie Williams leads the team for England, with the “Rest of the World” team lead by Gordon Ramsay. Teams match ten celebrities with six World Cup soccer greats. Argentinian football great Diego Maradona has joined the “Rest of the World” team. Coverage is on Britain’s ITV (launches automatic sound), and Robbie’s team won the first match last night. The final game airs on Saturday at 7:00 pm

Kate Moss was so pissed off about Pete Doherty’s blood squirting stunt that she asked him to come over to her place. When he arrived she promptly kicked his ass!

At least Doherty didn’t fight back, but we doubt the junkie would have had the strength even if he wanted to. Moss shouldn’t have even bothered with Doherty, though. Why doesn’t she just ignore him? She’s supposed to be dating comic Russell Brand now anyway.

Meanwhile Doherty’s antics have lead his record label, Rough Trade, to drop his group Babyshambles. An source is quoted as saying: “Rough Trade were in the process of renegotiating a deal, but the talks broke down because it just proved to be so difficult to deal with Pete and the people he surrounds himself with.”

Maybe losing his record label will help Pete follow-through on kicking heroin as he’s been planning. It won’t be easy, but he needs it desperately.

Here’s Kate in a Primal Scream video:

Kate Moss has been spotted out with Russell Brand, a British comic and Big Brother presenter who is also a former drug addict. At least he’s sober now:

The rumors about Kate’s involvement with Brand are probably true, because she was spotted buying high-end lingerie at Agent Provacateur recently. She’s got someone in mind to see her new knickers and it’s probably not her on-again off-again boyfriend, Pete Doherty.

Everyone is making fun of Brand for these pictures of him mooning the camera, but that’s nothing compared to the stunts Pete Doherty pulls.

Doherty has vowed to get sober to keep her affections, and is headed to a clinic to take drastic measures:

Doherty most recently squirted a syringe full of blood at an MTV camera and is way overdue for an intervention. Hopefully Kate will stay away, and Pete will realize that he needs sobriety more than any woman.

Here is Kate shopping for lingerie. [via]

The video of Pete Doherty squirting a blood-filled syringe has come out. You can view it below with a watermark on the screen:

Or go to an article about the incident on MTV and launch the video from the bottom right. It’s now available to viewers outside the UK. There’s a commercial before it, though.

Somehow we were expecting it to be more dramatic.