The fact that Charlie Sheen now has some kind of sitcom coming up on FX, despite all the truly insane things he said and did less than a year ago, is a testament to the power of the almighty dollar. I was just going over our archives on this guy, and if someone would have told me that any celebrity would have gone so spectacularly off the rails and been so public about it, I wouldn’t have believed it. Not only did he rant and rave at everyone, he gave countless interviews, he videotaped himself ranting, he made it into a live tour, and he capitalized on his memes with t-shirts and Twitter endorsements. It was kind of mind blowing, but it definitely got old and then he went away for a while. In the interim he landed this sitcom gig based on the Anger Management movie, and now he’s back. Well Charlie wants us all to know that he’s totally sane now that he’s back on TV and that he was just going through something, which he calls “episode”:

“I’m not crazy any more. That was an episode,” Sheen says, laughing, as he spoke with reporters at Sunday night’s Fox Network Television Critics Association party in Pasadena, Calif.

“I think I’m a different person than I was yesterday. Everything is a lot more mellow and focused and much more rooted in reality.”

Sheen, 46, couldn’t be more Zen about his new FX show, Anger Management, in which he will star and produce. He reports that casting is underway and that they will shoot 10 episodes in six weeks.

“I’ve been at this 30 years. It’s nice to be in a situation where the people I’m working with are excited about my input. That wasn’t the case for a long time,” Sheen says.

Of late, Sheen says instead of sounding off on Twitter, “I’ve been spending a lot of time with the kids, a lot of time with the family and I’m getting back into work mode,” adding that he is goddess-free these days. “I’m a single guy hanging out with my children.”

Asked if he has been in contact with his former Two and a Half Men costar Jon Cryer, or producer Chuck Lorre, Sheen says, “Jon and I text. Chuck, no, but at some point we are going to have to get some closure there.”

His opinion of his TV character’s funeral, which opened the sitcom’s new season last September, now that it stars Ashton Kutcher? “It was a little bizarre to watch your own funeral. It was a little mean-spirited. But it’s dead and buried now, right?”

While Sheen says it’s “premature” to name the celebrities who would like to make cameo appearances on his new show, he says “everybody” wants to take part.

[From People]

Maybe he’s no longer on a manic drug-induced high, but I bet it will be just a matter of time before he’s back on the sauce, if he isn’t already and is just maintaining. He claimed to have been sober through the power of his mind and not through any program that he refused to attend. He probably thinks he can still handle it without a problem. The last time I saw him interviewed, with his ex Brooke Mueller on ET, he was wasted but still able to speak clearly. You couldn’t say as much for Brooke since she was mumbling. So where does the drug abuse end and the crazy begin for Charlie, or is it just a big blur at this point? Does “no longer crazy” just mean he’s trying to stay sober during working hours?

Charlie is shown with his dad, Martin, on 9-23-11. Credit: PRphotos. He’s also shown at his roast on 9-10-11. Creddit: WENN

Darrell Hammond was one of my favorite Saturday Night Live cast members of all time. His impressions, more often than not, were completely spot-on and eerily awesome. My favorite is still his version of Bill Clinton, although I do have affection for his Al Gore (and his Dick Cheney was just disturbing, like the real Dick Cheney). Over the years, I’ve seen Hammond interviewed on various TV shows, and I always liked how game he was to do some of his most celebrated impressions, and how he always seemed like a solid, funny dude. Well, as it turns out, Hammond was not so solid. He’s written a memoir called God, If You‘re Not Up There, I‘m F*cked, and he details his years of alcohol and cocaine abuse:

“Saturday Night Live” comic Darrell Hammond — famed for his spot-on impressions of Bill Clinton, Al Gore and Dick Cheney — reveals in a new book how he drank and did cocaine while with the show and was once taken from NBC “in a straitjacket.”

To escape memories of a traumatic childhood, Hammond heavily indulged in alcohol and drugs as he rose to fame on the show, where he worked with guests Sarah Palin, Donald Trump, Mick Jagger and Sting.

“I kept a pint of Remy in my desk at work,” Hammond recalls in “God, If You’re Not Up There, I’m F*cked,” out Nov. 8 from HarperCollins. “The drinking calmed my nerves and quieted the disturbing images that sprang into my head … when drinking didn’t work, I cut myself.”

In 1998, cops took Hammond from the NBC infirmary to New York Hospital in a straitjacket. “My wife came but I didn’t recognize her,” he writes.

In 2002, Hammond recalls, “I’d started adding an obscene amount of cocaine to my binges … I had to be creative about how I did it without other people catching on or letting it interfere with the work. At least too much.”

In 2009, during his 14th “SNL” season, and having gone to rehab once, Hammond relapsed. “I had the brilliant idea I should try crack,” he writes — and he spent time in a Harlem crack house.

After months of treatment, Hammond broke free of drugs and earned raves doing the one-man play “Tru” in Sag Harbor this summer. But a car crash cut the show short. A lawsuit is pending over the accident, and Hammond, who wasn’t able to stand at first, has begun getting back on stage. He’s also working with Will Ferrell’s “Funny or Die” Web site.

Copies of Hammond’s new book were sent over to “SNL” Thursday, and he’s waiting for reaction. “I don’t have anything bad to say about anyone there,” he told us. “They all really went above and beyond the call for me.”

[From Page Six]

Yeah, it doesn’t sound like he blaming anyone else for his problems, although… damn, that must have been a crazy time. Tina Fey became the head writer for SNL in 2000, I believe, so she was his de facto boss (along with Lorne Michaels) during The Cocaine Years. I have to wonder if Lorne and Tina had any idea that it was this bad. I have to wonder if he was just able to “maintain” really well.

Does anyone else like any story that begins, “I kept a pint of Remy in my desk at work…”? I know he’s talking about his alcoholism and that’s horrible and everything, but at least he was drinking the good stuff. At least when he started.

Oh, and he was a cutter? Damn. Well, I’m glad he got help.

Does anyone else think he looks like James Spader? The version of Spader currently, not vintage Spader. They could be brothers.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

After Amy Winehouse died and everyone said all those thoughtful things about addiction (at least some people did, others remained clueless) I began to take a different view of it. It just seems freaking sad to me and so useless. This story in particular makes my heart hurt a little. Redmond O’Neal, who had to to attend his mom Farrah Fawcett’s funeral in handcuffs, was arrested on possession of heroin yesterday. He was in violation of probation for an earlier arrest for drugs and was sent to jail without bail.

Redmond O’Neal has another mug shot to add to his portfolio and RadarOnline.com has the latest.

The 26-year-old was arrested in Santa Monica, Calif. on Tuesday after he ran a red light and police found heroin in his car during a routine inspection.

“At approximately 8:45 a.m. a motor officer observed an argument at a store on Lincoln corner of Michigan,” a police spokesperson told RadarOnline.com. “O’Neal was one of those involved in the argument.

“The officer then watched as he got into his vehicle. He proceeded to go northbound on Lincoln before turning west bound on Olympic, it was at this time the officer observed him going through the red turn arrow.”

The spokesperson continued: “The officer stopped him for the traffic violation. A search of his vehicle was done and narcotics were recovered.”

O’Neal is currently being held without bail.

[From Radar Online]

I tried to review Redmond’s storied history with the law and the details were so complicated it was hard for me to figure out which arrest he was in violation of. Here’s a partial recap. He was arrested in September, 2008 along with his dad, Ryan O’Neal, when cops raided the home they shared, (as part of a probation investigation, natch) found meth, and charged them both with possession. (The Enquirer ran a follow up story claiming the two did drugs together regularly and that Ryan was incredibly abusive to his son. Another one of Ryan’s sons, Griffin, claimed on Larry King that his dad gave him cocaine when he was just 11.)

Redmond was ordered to rehab for meth possession for that charge while all Ryan had to do was attend some drug awareness classes. Redmond was arrested again in April, 2009 when he tried to bring heroin with him to visit a friend in jail. (This seems to be the charge he violated probation for with this latest arrest.) His mom Farrah died in June, 2009.

While on a 24 hour pass from court-ordered rehab in December 2009, Redmond used drugs. He was sent back to jail for 30 days, and then went back to rehab yet again, graduating from his court-appointed drug program in August, 2010. So the kid went to rehab many, many times after multiple arrests and he was supposedly clean last year.

Redmond’s mom Farrah left most of her $4.5 million estate to him, leaving nothing to her parasitic boyfriend, Ryan. So we have a young man who is a millionaire addict who lost his mom to cancer and has an abusive druggie for a dad. Maybe his siblings can reach out to him, but it doesn’t sound like he can be helped much at this point. Like Lilo, jail may be the best place for him. Oh and Redmond’s older half brother, Griffin, was hospitalized and released yesterday after a car accident in Escondido, CA. He seems to be ok now though.

Header photo is Ryan’s mug shot. Photos above are of Ryan and Redmond paying respects to Farrah on the one year anniversary of her death on June 25, 2010. Credit: Fame

A couple of weeks ago, Star Magazine and Radar had a pretty decent scoop on the hush-hush underground poker games going down with A-list Hollywood. Tobey Maguire, Ben Affleck, Matt Damon and Leonardo DiCaprio were all listed as attendees of these high-stakes, high-losses poker games, which might result in multiple lawsuits and perhaps even a federal investigation. From what I could see, Star and Radar had actually done some footwork and investigative journalism to get the story, but they exploited the fact that all of these A-list men were partaking, and there were a series of denials and such. Who knows how it’s going to turn out?

BUT! The gambling story still has legs, especially for Ben Affleck, who in 2001 was treated for his gambling addiction. After his rehab stay, he also claimed that he had given up alcohol, although there are persistent rumors that he‘s still boozing (with photo evidence). So Star Magazine’s cover story this week includes the Garner-Affleck marriage in its trilogy of marriage problems. According to Star, Jennifer Garner “had no idea” that Affleck was back to drinking and gambling away millions of dollars. An insider tells the mag, “Jennifer is terrified that his history of gambling, drinking and womanizing is catching up with him… If things get worse, Jen could be a single mom.” Star’s source also says that Ben is telling friends that Jennifer “busted his balls” when she found out, and a “card shark” who played with Affleck says: “As we gambled, [Ben] would joke with us that he’d told Jen he was going to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. He’d say, ‘I’ve got to get home to the wife before she figures out where I am.’”

Meanwhile, in the new issue of Star (according to Radar), sources also claim that at one point, Ben owed $400,000 to a “powerful movie mogul” – Ron Meyer, Tobey Maguire’s father-in-law. There are also claims that Ben even “hosted” his own underground poker game (referred to as “Ben’s Game”) at the Grand Havana Room in Beverly Hills, a high-end cigar club, back in 2003, and that Jennifer Lopez knew about it and wasn‘t happy about it. The games would later move to Prego Ristorante, and that’s where Ben lost $400K to Meyer: “Ben busted big. He drummed up a giant tab, and then all of a sudden he disappeared from the game. He wasn’t seen for months. He’d had a string of bad movies and didn’t have any big projects on the horizon, and everyone was wondering, ‘Is Ben broke?’ But we knew that he couldn’t stiff a businessman like Ron Meyer. That would be ‘career over’ in Hollywood. Suicide. Eventually, Ron got paid and Ben started turning up to the games again.”

For the record, Affleck’s rep went to Gossip Cop and “assured” them that the story is “false” and all “lies” and then the rep pointed to these photos of Ben and Jennifer’s Fourth of July, almost like those pics were a candid photo shoot designed specifically for damage control…? No, they would never! DIMPLES. Just look at the dimples.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Amy tries to sing at 1:20

Amy Winehouse was too wasted to remember the words to her song during a performance in Belgrade over the weekend. In a video of the show, (above) Amy rubs her nose and arms, sways back and forth awkwardly and mumbles as she tries to fake her way through “Just Friends.” At times she seemed distracted by her arms, rubbing them and looking down with glazed eyes before she remembers that she’s supposed to be performing. This was supposed to be the first of 12 European shows for Amy, but because she was too out of it to even complete one gig her next two have been canceled. The last we heard from Amy she was in rehab, but she left after just a week there.

Amy Winehouse, attempting to perform while appearing to be under the influence, was booed off the stage in Belgrade on Saturday night after she arrived on stage an hour late, then stumbled around and slurred the words to her 2008 song “Just Friends.”

She greeted the crowd of 20,000 by shouting, “Hello, Athens,” reports the U.K.’s Telegraph newspaper.

Following the incident, Winehouse, 27, apologized to fans and canceled Monday’s scheduled performance in Istanbul and Wednesday’s in Athens, say reports.

Late last month, Winehouse checked into rehab for her ongoing problem with drugs and alcohol, the singer’s rep confirmed to PEOPLE. The treatment was seen as preparation for this tour.

In a statement following the Belgrade incident, Winehouse’s management said: “Despite feeling sure that she wanted to fulfill these commitments, she has agreed with management that she cannot perform to the best of her ability and will return home. … She would like to apologize to fans expecting to see her at the shows but feels that this is the right thing to do.”

Her next show is scheduled for Friday, July 8, in Spain.

[From People]

So Amy has a whole two and a half weeks to get it together. Considering that she hasn’t been able to do that in several years, that’s not likely to happen. The best we can hope for is to her to stay semi-sober enough to sing and remember the words. Maybe her record company should just send her back to St. Lucia and forget about trying to have her tour. She wasn’t quite sober in the Caribbean but she seemed to be keeping it together and it didn’t seem like she was going to go the way of so many other talented musicians. She turns 28 on September 14. I hope it’s not callous to say that I really hope she makes it.

This is Amy on 6/23/10. Credit: Barcroft/Fame Pictures

We’ve heard that Whitney Houston is in “outpatient” rehab for a crack addiction that she’s trying to spin as much less serious than it really is. Well the good news is that Whitney’s off the rails daughter, Bobbi Kristina, 18, is also said to be doing outpatient rehab at the same time as her mom but in a separate facility. Apparently Whitney told Krissi she needed to get her act together and Krissi was all “what about you, mom?!” So now they’re both in rehab. Bravo, sort of.

A few months ago The National Enquirer posted photos of Krissi doing lines of coke at two separate parties, and she’s since been cited by cops for underage drinking. She’ll only benefit from rehab and from trying to get her addictions under control at a young age. Somehow I don’t think this is the end of her issues, but I hope it’s a start for her and that I’m wrong. It can’t be easy to grow up with Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston as parents. Here’s more:

“If I go to rehab, you’re going, too!” In a brutal mother-daughter showdown, longtime substance abuser Whitney Houston threatened to send her troubled teenage daughter Bobbi Kristina to rehab. But Krissi… shrieked back that she wasn’t going alone!

Now both women have checked into separate rehab facilities in Malibu, CA, to get treatment for their addictions.

“You’re ruining the family name!” Whitney screeched during the recent blowout. “Whether you like it or not – you’re going to rehab!”

But Krissi, who knows all about her mother’s struggles with booze and drugs, yelled back angrily: “What about you? You’re the one who’s destroying us! You’re the one who’s a mess!

“If you can do drugs and booze, so can I! Now you’re demanding I go to rehab. If I go, you’re going too!”…

According to the source, mother and daughter are outpatients at rehab centers in Malibu that are 15 miles apart. The facilities allow Whitney and Krissi to go home at night instead of keeping them under continuous supervision.

When treatment is complete, Kirssi will continue working on a reality series that Whitney arranged for her, said the source.

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, May 23, 2011]

It’s not inpatient rehab, but it’s a definite start. I wonder if Krissi’s reality show will even mention that she was in rehab, or if it will be as phony and manufactured as most all other reality shows and just leave it out. (I think I just answered my own question.) Krissi hasn’t tweeted anything since May 3, so that tends to support this story.

There was news that Whitney Houston was banned from all Prince concerts after she made a drunken ass of herself on stage twice, once with opening act Chaka Khan and another time with Prince himself. Prince’s people have issued a statement saying that’s not true, though, and that Whitney is always welcome at his shows. They do acknowledge that she may have been banned earlier though, “but it did not come from Prince.” ha!

Whitney and Krissi are shown on 2/12/11. Credit: PRPhotos. Whitney is shown performing in Copenhagen on 6/4/10. Leger dresses are only for the super skinny! Credit: Fame

I guess this shouldn’t be surprising, but it’s still sad. We heard late yesterday that Whitney Houston had “voluntarily” checked into outpatient rehab again for a problem that her people first tried to spin as some vague non-addiction detox issue. Then they claimed that it was “drugs and alcohol” without specifying which drugs Whitney was on. According to Radar, Whitney is back on crack. We know how badly that usually goes for her, and how she wrecked her voice before she cleaned up and launched a kind of weak comeback.

This brings me back to her appearance on Oprah a couple of years ago when she seemed to be in denial about the extent of her drug problems and acted like everything was fine. It also reminds me that the National Enquirer has been running stories since last year about how Whitney is back on crack and how her people were trying to convince her to go back to rehab. It finally worked, but she’s in outpatient rehab and we know how well that’s been working for Brooke Mueller’s crack addiction.

Here’s more, from Radar:

Singer Whitney Houston was using crack again when she went back to rehab, RadarOnline had learned, and her use of the highly-addictive drug terrified even ex-husband Bobby Brown!

A source close to R&B star Brown said he is so worried about his ex-wife that he fears “she might not pull through.”

“Whitney is doing crack again,” the source said about the 47-year-old Houston, the singer of top 1990s hits like I’ll Always Love You. “It’s the worst it’s ever been. Whitney went on tour again, and that’s when the relapse occurred.”

Brown, 42, has also told friends that Houston, 47, has increasingly isolated herself.

“Whitney’s shutting a lot of people out of her life,” the source said. “It is a dire situation.”

Bobby and Whitney were married for 14 years and were officially divorced in 2007. Both have a history of substance abuse. Their 18-year-old daughter, Bobbi Kristina, was recently caught on camera snorting lines of cocaine.

[From Radar]

This is longterm addiction that derailed her career and has basically ruined her life. Now her kids are having very serious issues with drugs and the law and she’s out of commission and unable to parent. At least she’s getting help, but it seems like too little too late with Whitney.

This Enquirer cover is from July, 2010.

Whitney is shown on 2/12/11 with her daughter, Bobbi Kristina. Credit: WENN.com

This news is in TMZ, which regularly runs stories from celebrity sources without questioning them at all. (Hence the “Whitney Houston is in rehab, but it’s not for drugs or alcohol if her people say it isn’t” story, which they revised once her team admitted the obvious.) So I’m hoping this is just pure wishful thinking on Mother Crackhead’s part. According to TMZ it’s likely that Lindsay is going to scrape by with just 14 days at home with an electronic monitoring bracelet for that 120 day sentence she was given for violating her probation by lifting the necklace. Lindsay is set to plead guilty to the other charge in the case of the purloined necklace, misdemeanor theft, tomorrow, and she probably won’t be showing up at court at all. How is this girl with her ridiculous My Little Pony extensions not in jail at this time? The mind boggles.

Sources connected with Lindsay tell TMZ … Lindsay wants to show up for the plea, but the cost and craziness associated with a Lindsay Lohan appearance is just too much — what with extra Sheriff’s deputies, court disruption, etc.

So Lindsay’s lawyer, Shawn Holley, will appear before Judge Stephanie Sautner to enter the plea.

TMZ broke the story … Lindsay will plead no contest, and in such cases it’s routine a defendant can serve the sentence with an electronic monitoring device at home, rather than doing jail time.

As we first reported … both Sheriff’s Department and the Probation Department sources tell us … Lindsay would be eligible to serve her 120-day jail sentence with electronic monitoring at home.

Judge Sautner has made it clear … she’s treating Lindsay like any other defendant, so it’s likely the judge will allow her the electronic monitoring option.

And, a defendant who serves time at home with an monitoring bracelet gets the same time off for good behavior and jail overcrowding as someone who serves time in the pokey. And we’re told 120 days translates into 14 DAYS. So 14 days with a bracelet and she’ll be off the hook with the necklace!

TMZ will be in court tomorrow.

[From TMZ]

I’m really hoping TMZ is as wrong here as they were with Whitney Houston’s rehab stint. Of course Lindsay will plead guilty but her people will leak stories all over that she just did it at the advice of her lawyer and is oh-so-innocent. She’s never culpable for anything, and she never did anything wrong and we’re all out to destroy her promising career.

Lindsay has actually been showing up to her community service. She’s been sentenced to three months of full time work at a homeless shelter and morgue. According to a “source” who spoke to Radar, aka Lindsay’s mom, she’s so engaged and present for the homeless women and they’re so impressed with her commitment to service and how blindingly beautiful she is with all that flowing yarn hair. (I made up that last part, but you know they wanted to add that, like Lindsay is some kind of saint.) It will take a lot more than a bunch of court dates and community service hours to shake some sense into this girl. I’m hoping the judge realizes that and gives her time in the slammer again. She’s been asking for it for months if not years. It doesn’t matter though, even if she gets off with a slap on the wrist yet again she’ll manage to screw it up somehow.

Lohan is shown on 5/6 and 5/2/11. Credit: Fame

Lindsay Lohan’s appearance on the Tonight Show aired last night. (You can watch it online on NBC.com if you’re in the US.) She came across well, for her, in that she said the right things. She was fidgeting and looked like she hadn’t slept in days, but she was dressed appropriately in a silk black jumpsuit that was somewhat fug but not the worst thing she’s worn.

You could tell that she’d rehearsed ahead of time and that she was coached on what to say. It was all about how she’s learned from her mistakes and is ready to move on. As I mentioned yesterday, she’s putting the cart way ahead of the horse and acting like this whole thing is behind her, but she still has significant jail time looming for her probation violation and faces a separate charge on grand theft charges. Plus she’s been sentenced to three months of full time community service. Given her history of failing to meet even the most basic court requirements, you know she’s not going to be able to complete it.

Lindsay talks a good game, though, and if we weren’t aware of her history she might look like an average burnt out starlet and not like a delusional addict trying to save the last scraps of her career.

Here are some of the things she said, and at times she smirked like she was the only one aware that she was pulling on over on the audience. She kept looking to the audience for validation, as if she was constantly trying to gauge if they were buying her act. They did cheer and gave her a standing ovation, but as someone mentioned in the comments there are flashing signs telling them how to react so it’s not like it was spontaneous.

Sort-of owning up to her mistakes, but thinks it’s time to move on
I made a lot of poor decisions in the past, and I’m dealing with the consequences of those decisions…

I’m a fighter and I know that I have to work to gain the respect back. I’m willing to do the work that I have to do to follow through with being an actress.

Being young and being in the position I was in, you don’t really take the time to appreciate what you have. It all is kind of a whirlwind and people make decisions for you, but I’m not a kid anymore, I’m 24.

Claims to be “in the clear now”
I’ve made a lot of mistakes, and I recognize that, but I’m in the clear now and I feel like as long as I stay focused then I will be able to achieve what I want to achieve.

That’s the thing, Lindsay isn’t in the clear at all. This is how she got in this mess in the first place, by thinking she was above it all and that it was all behind her while she was in the thick of it, snorting and smoking and stealing.

Then Leno asked Lindsay what she wanted to change about herself. This was a chance for her to own up to her mistakes, to say she wanted to turn over a new leaf even if she was just blowing smoke up our asses as she’d done the whole time. Lindsay didn’t talk much about what she personally needed to change, it was all about how other people needed to change and focus on her non-existent career. We’ve heard this from her so many times before. In fact she said basically the same thing on Ellen – two years ago.

On what she wanted to change about herself
The public perception. I want it to be about my work, not about things that I didn’t get into this business for, that I put myself in positions where that was the bigger story.

On her jail sentence
I was kind of shocked we didn’t expect the outcome to be what it was, but I’m a big girl, and I’m going to do what I’m told to do. That’s what I need to do to continue on with working in my life and I’m taking responsibility.

On if she was treated fairly in court
I think that I was treated the way I should be treated.

On her jail experience
It was an interesting experience and it was definitely a wakeup call. Everything happens for a reason.

On learning of her sentence
It was shocking. I was a bit numb.

On her childhood
My mom’s amazing, she’s really strong. I’ve watched her keep her strength throughout her life. I have good people in my life.

On the situation with her dad
I plead the fifth on that.

On her fans – what fans?
I feel like I’ve let my fans down by putting myself in situations when I was younger and wasn’t thinking clearly. I want to be the person that I aspire to be. And be the actress, and be in this industry, and make movies.

On where she sees herself in 6 years at 30
Hopefully sitting here after I’ve won an Oscar

So is it time for Lindsay to have a comeback? Will she be able to even complete her community service requirements? Judging by her past behavior, the answer is clear. She thinks this is all behind her and she’s going to move on to a great career and an Oscar, but all she’s got on the horizon is a role that she almost lost that her dad scored for her from his prison mob connections. She’s living in her “I’m a celebrity” bubble and it’s filled with crack smoke, piles of dirty designer clothes, and memories of her Disney past.

The last we heard from Lindsay Lohan she was rallying against everyone who ever told her “no,” basically, since she’s been enabled and excused her entire life. It looks like she may finally be facing some long overdue consequences, as she’s been sentenced to 120 days in jail for her probation violation and could get even more time on the separate theft charge, for which she’ll be tried on June 3. She’s out of jail on appeal now, with her lawyer being so blindsided by the jail sentence that she scribbled her appeal on a standard legal form and just crossed out the parts that didn’t apply to Lindsay. It’s nice to know that the lawyer defending Lindsay is about as competent as she deserves. I’m sure Lindsay and Dina will be throwing her lawyer under the bus once Lindsay’s appeal fails spectacularly. (Fingers crossed!)

The latest in Lindsay news has details of her community service. She’s been sentenced to 120 hours of service at the morgue and 360 hours of service at a women’s homeless shelter. She’ll be “doing basic janitorial work” at the morgue, according to the Coroner’s assistant. She has a year to complete her service, which amounts to three months of full time work. Considering that she was unable to attend simple alcohol education classes that required a minimal time commitment, I think it’s safe to assume she’ll fail this as well. It’s been years since she’s worked even a month full time.

Lindsay Lohan, found in violation of probation, is facing the grim reality of 120 hours of community service – emphasis on grim.

The actress, 24, will be picking up trash, emptying trash bins, mopping floors and cleaning windows and restrooms at the L.A. County Department of Coroner’s facility.

“She’ll be doing basic janitorial work,” Coroner Assistant Chief Ed Winter tells PEOPLE. “She won’t be handling any dead bodies but she’ll certainly see them.”

This won’t be Lohan’s first visit to the downtown Los Angeles morgue. She previously completed a DUI morgue program following her second drunk-driving conviction 2007.

In addition to a four-month jail term, Lohan was also ordered Friday to complete 360 hours of service at the Downtown Women’s Center, a homeless shelter located in L.A.’s Skid Row.

Lohan must enroll in the two programs within a week and has a year to complete them.

Lohan remains free on bail pending an appeal of her sentence, which experts say she has slim chance of winning.

She faces a June 3 trial in her grand theft charge, which was reduced to a misdemeanor on Friday, facing a maximum penalty of an additional year in jail.

[From People]

Lindsay will probably pull a Naomi Campbell and wear sky high Louboutins to her community service, treating her walk to work like a catwalk until she bores of it and stops showing up after a week. Then when the end of a year rolls around and she’s failed to meet court requirements yet again, she’ll blame everyone else for her own personal failings, as her mother and father have taught her to do from a young age.

Meanwhile Linnocent is going to be on The Tonight Show this evening to get leered at by Jay while she tries to explain away her looming jail sentence. The interview was pre-taped and while we don’t have advance details, E! has a picture of the outfit Lindsay wears during the show and it’s surprisingly demure.

Let me anticipate how that is going to go – Lindsay will make a lot of excuses in her raspy 80 year-old smoker’s voice, she’ll talk about how she just wants to work and no one lets her, and Jay will make some dumb inappropriate jokes without pressuring her at all to tell the truth or face reality. In Lindsay’s world she’s still a star. There are still so many people around her willing to help her maintain that delusion.

Update: The Today Show had this clip of Lindsay’s appearance. She’s taking a small amount of responsibility and someone coached her on the right thing to say. She’s still operating under the delusion that this is about a simple mistake and is just about over. It’s only just begun for Lindsay.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Lindsay is shown outside her condo yesterday, 4/25/11. She loves to see the paps. Credit: Fame Pictures.