Newly sober Lindsay Lohan has backed out of a commitment to host a party on New Year’s Eve in Las Vegas. Reports that she would be the guest of honor at LAX nightclub were true, but she scrapped plans to be there, probably as a result of the bad publicity it was generating. Her rep tells US Weekly that “Lindsay will no longer be hosting New Year’s Eve in Las Vegas.”

Lindsay and her people might not have been the deciding force behind the issue, though. This week’s Star Magazine reports that Lindsay is under strict new contractual orders from the producers of the tango-themed film she’s working on Dare to Love Me that give guidelines meant to ensure that she doesn’t drink or do drugs. Along with stipulating that she must be under constant supervision from a sober companion and that she can’t drive, she is living in a “safe house” in LA and being treated with a controversial anti-addict drug regimen that some doctors consider dangerous and unproven:

Star can exclusively report that [Lindsay's] participation [in a controversial anti-addiction treatment] is just one of several no-nonsense clauses that she had to agree to in the contract for her new film Dare to Love Me. An insider tells Star these clauses include:

Submitting to regular drug and alcohol testing;

Being assigned a new bodyguard and 24-hour sober companion;

Having her movements restricted and monitored, and having visitors agree to a possible search;

Being forbidden to drive a car!…

The insider tells Star that Lindsay’s contract calls for her to be stashed in the same LA “safe house” she occupied for 10 days before checking in Cirque Lodge. She will be under the care of Matthew Torrington, MD, medical director of the PROMETA Center, an outpatient clinic in Santa Monica specializing in treating alcohol, cocaine and metamphetamine addictions.

The PROMETA system is at the center of a major controversy within the medical community. Under the program - which costs $15,000 for the one-month treatment and includes nutritional supplements as well as “psychosocial or other recovery-oriented therapy” - Lindsay would receive a specific series of intravenous and oral doses in a combination from among three drugs. They are flumazenil, a medical used to treat overdoses of benzodiazepine drugs like Xanax and Valium; hydroxyzine, used to control nausea; and gabapentin, an anti-seizure medication. These drugs have been approved by the FDA individually but not in combination - and not for treating drug addiction!

[From Star Magazine print edition, November 5, 2007]

There is only anecdotal evidence that this treatment works for addicts, and Star quotes several doctors as saying it’s dangerous and likening it to “snake oil” treatments.

It sounds questionable to me, and there are drugs that are approved for addicts like antabuse and naltrexone that might be a better choice for Lindsay. Since I have no medical background I am not qualified to make a judgment about it though.

What bothers me is that she’s been given so many chances and is still getting high-paid roles, even with these rules that constitute baby sitting. She should have pissed away any chance she had at a career by now, and I hope that this movie tanks. Maybe I should be giving her credit for staying sober for this long, but when there are so many struggling young actresses who are more deserving and less full of shit than Lindsay, why should she be given yet another break?

Lohan is shown out shopping on 10/29/07, thanks to Splash News.

Six months pregnant Nicole Richie has denied yesterday’s report from The NY Post that she was seen smoking outside of two different restaurants in NY. She says through a rep that not only did she not smoke, she also was nowhere near NY recently and has been out of the country:

Richie’s rep tells Extra that accounts of Richie smoking are “irresponsible and untrue.” And while columnist Cindy Adams claims Richie lit up outside New York restaurants DaSilvano and Nobu (with fiance and father-to-be Joel Madden, even), Richie and Madden are reportedly abroad and nowhere near New York.

[From USWeekly]

Richie has said that she wants a natural birth and told Diane Sawyer that she doesn’t allow people to smoke around her and has given up anything that could possibly harm the baby, including caffeine and sushi. While there is only hearsay to back up reports of a pregnant Nicole behaving irresponsibly, there’s another pseudo celebrity in Britain who can’t deny pictures of her smoking after going on a drinking bender three months into her pregnancy. Former Atomic Kitten member and “I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here” winner Kerry Katona, who recently announced that she is due with her fourth child in May, was photographed smoking after she reportedly downed four martinis and a shot of vodka:

Kerry, twice Celebrity Mum of the Year, downed FOUR MARTINIS and a slug of VODKA in a pub with pals—despite being 12 weeks into an already troubled fourth pregnancy.

Then she popped to a restaurant over the road for a Chinese meal—and puffed greedily on a ciggie outside in the cold. One surprised drinker said: “Everyone knows Kerry’s pregnant so it was a bit of a shock to see her drinking and smoking.

“But she just said, ‘What the hell, a couple can’t hurt’.

“She went to the bar and ordered pints for the others and Martini for herself. It was the same round when the others were buying—and she also had a shot of vodka. She knocked it back in one, winced and then wiped her hand across her mouth and put the glass down.”

Her behaviour is even more shocking after her pregnancy with Heidi was beset by a string of miscarriage scares before the litle girl was born in February.

And the 27-year-old ex-Atomic Kitten star was also rushed into hospital last month—on the day she announced she was pregnant again. At first Kerry—who is married to ex-cabbie Mark Croft, 37, and also has daughters, Molly, six, and Lilly-Sue, four, by her first husband, former Westlife star Brian McFadden—was told she’d lost the baby.

But when she returned later the same day still feeling unwell, doctors discovered its heartbeat.

[From News Of The World via Gossip Rocks]

News of The World isn’t the most reliable source, and while Katona was photographed smoking, they may have embellished the part about how much booze she downed. There was a lot of controversy over a statement that Rachel Weisz made last year about how European doctors said that it was ok to drink while you’re pregnant - except not in the first three months while the fetus was most vulnerable. I had my only pregnancy in America, and my doctors told me not to drink at all. Once a midwife said I could have a glass of wine if I was in labor and I looked at her like she had two heads. Some obstetricians will tell you that an occasional glass is fine, especially in Europe, but it doesn’t seem worth the risk to your baby to me.

There was a recent study that found that moderate drinking posed no ascertainable risk to the baby after three months, and British associations are rethinking a ban on alcohol during pregnancy. When there’s no benefit to the baby from drinking though, why would you risk your baby’s health?

So Kerry Katona is supposedly downing shots and martinis when she’s barely three months’ pregnant, and she’s justifying smoking by making the ridiculous statement that stress from not smoking is worse for the baby! Commentors on ONTD on the post about Nicole Richie smoking brought up this photo that appeared in The Roanoke Times about a woman worrying about stress to her fetus from nearby construction noise - while she was smoking a cigarette. Snopes.com verifies that this is an actual newspaper clipping that was not doctored.

It looks like Nicole Richie is having trouble being true to her word and fighting her addictions. I know, I’ll wait while you pick up your jaw from the floor. Nicole vowed to Diane Sawyer that she had cleaned up her act due to her pregnancy. And we all know telling Diane Sawyer is pretty much the same thing as swearing on a revered, holy book. People expect you to stick with it.

Sounding neither defensive nor particularly alarmed, Richie, 25, said, “Just like any mother, you know, you want to take the best care of yourself, especially while you’re pregnant. And I’m definitely eating healthier now, and I’m really playing by the rules.”

By that, Richie said, “I do not drink caffeine at all, cut out sushi” – and, in response to questions from Sawyer, who had also mentioned Richie’s cocaine and heroin use – “No alcohol … No marijuana … No pills … Nothing … No smoking around me.”

[From People]

So that all sounds good. Sounds like Nicole Richie is thinking about someone besides herself and being relatively nice, normal and sane about the whole thing. Except that it was all bull.

MOMMY-to-be Nicole Richie. 3:30 p.m. Pony tail, black jeans, waistcoat. Exits DaSilvano with one young girl, one middle-age lady. On the sidewalk, after checking who’s at which outdoor tables, she lights up. They jump into a waiting black Caddy Escalade, Nicole into the front seat. Still smoking.

Three days later, 7:30 p.m., Nobu. For somebody who doesn’t eat, she sure frequents lots of restaurants. She’s there with the baby in the bun’s father. They leave. Outside she lights up again

[From the New York Post]

I’m sure it sucks to quit smoking, and I would bet it’s a lot harder when you’re pregnant and having a ton of cravings and/or mood swings to deal with. But I can’t imagine anytime where it would be more imperative to slap on a Nicoderm patch and do your best. I guess it’s possible Nicole was doing her best and just couldn’t quit, but from most reports about her personality, she’s not exactly the most mature, kind, or nice individual. The kind of rude and inappropriate comments she says to people make Paris Hilton look like Miss Manners. Something tells me that she hasn’t suddenly matured like she wants everyone to think. I’m kinda worried that in about a year everyone will be comparing her parenting to Whitney Bears. Except Nicole’s kids will probably already be able to give the paps the middle finger while lighting up a Newport Light.

Picture note by Jaybird: Header image of Nicole arriving to a surprise baby shower for her at Katsuya restaurant in Hollywood yesterday. Images thanks to Splash Photos.

Boy Amy Winehouse’s issues really are just right on the surface. I’m sure there’s a lot of crazy going on below that too, but there’s so much crazy that she can’t hide it, even in her saner moments. She says that most often, she can’t remember any of the crazy things she does in her drug-fueled rampages, like running through the streets of London crying and bleeding, being photographed buying drugs, having huge fights with her do-nothing husband Blake Fielder-Civil, and getting arrested for pot possession.

Interviewed in Hamburg prior to a concert there last week, Winehouse found the German reporter staring at the scars on her arms. “Those are wounds, old wounds. You know. I wasn’t well in August,” she said. But when the reporter asked if she was now clean of drugs, she snapped: “That’s none of your business.” Just days later, the couple were arrested in Norway on Oct. 18 for alleged marijuana possession.

Winehouse also admitted the haze that life has become for her. “Lots of times I have no idea what I’m doing. Not until the next day do I have any memory,” she said. “Blake tells me later what happened. And then I’m infinitely ashamed.”

Winehouse said she she’s sometimes shocked at the situations she gets into. “I recently saw a picture of me when I got out of the hospital. I didn’t even recognize myself,” she said. But, she added, she feels she needs the excesses. “I believe that the pain makes me feel alive. Being willing to suffer for something means that I’m not just apathetic about them.”

[From People]

Well that sounds all around unhealthy to me, in about 10 different ways. Amy Winehouse is so far beyond messed up that I do really feel badly for her. She’s completely lost touch with reality and sanity. We haven’t heard from her parents in a while, though her husband’s parents are always more than willing to talk to the press about how messed up Amy is – though not how their son is just as messed up, and often supplies and encourages Amy in her drug habit.

Within the month [of Amy’s overdose], Winehouse’s in-laws opened up about the hospital dash, and their daughter’s [in-law’s] problems with substance abuse. “We are in hell,” Georgette Fielder-Civil told PEOPLE. He added “People who take drugs don’t care about other people [but only care about their next fix].”

[From People]

Amy, always Blake’s unconditional champion, said that Blake saved her life that night. Well he might have, in that he took her to the hospital and didn’t just leave her dying in the gutter. But he also tagged along with her to rehab afterwards, then encouraged her to leave because he didn’t enjoy it. Since Amy’s overdose, Blake has frequently been reported using drugs with her. So he saved her life that night, but it seems likely he’ll probably play at least an enabling role in ending it one night too.

David Hasselhoff was disappointed to learn that there’s going to be a movie version of his campy 80s show Knight Rider, and that producers aren’t even considering him for the lead part he used to play. He says he hopes he’ll get some kind of bit part in the film.

David Hasselhoff is furious after missing out on a role in the big-screen remake of his hit 1980s television show Knight Rider. The 55 year-old actor hoped to reprise his role as police officer Michael Knight for the film - but the movie’s producers have informed him the character is to be re-cast. However, Hasselhoff is confident he will make at least one appearance int he movie, if just to thank fans of the original show. He says, “I think fans will demand that I at least pop up in a cameo. I made the show and fans deserve it.”

[From Contact Music]

It makes sense that they wouldn’t want to cast Hasselhoff in the lead because he’s not really big screen material at this point. He would do well in an ongoing role in a sitcom, maybe even one in which he’s the lead, but a movie might bomb with him as the star and producers must realize that.

Still, this is the first I’ve heard of a movie version of Knight Rider. I think the article might be mistaken, because there is going to be a Knight Ryder remake, but Variety reports it will be on television for NBC and will be directed by Transformers director Doug Liman.

Hasselhoff also is said to have temporarily beaten his demons after being hospitalized to detox off alcohol following a recent relapse. He talked about his issues to People Magazine, saying that it was just a 24 hour problem that he took care of immediately. He said “I was doing great, and it just happened, and it took me 24 hours,and I just said, ‘You know what? Wrong, Wrong, Wrong!’” Hasselhoff explained that he didn’t do it to indulge himself, he just slipped up.

According to The National Enquirer, Hasselhoff’s relapse was worse than that. They say he was already in detox for two days and that he got out, got drunk again, and had to start all over again:

“David felt terrible that he’d let his family down by falling off the wagon again in a big way,” said the source.

“But after two days he wanted out. He left the hospital, but he didn’t get far.”

David “got ripped again” soon after leaving Cedars-Sinai, says the source.

“He was readmitted the very next day and was sick as a dog. Doctors had to start the detox process all over again.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, October 29, 2007]

While Hasselhoff may be facing a tougher battle than he’s admitting, he seems to be off booze for now and he does have the support of his girlfriend Michele Lilley. The Enquirer reports that she was by his side throughout his hospital stay and that “she’s completely devoted to him.”

Hasselhoff’s custody of his two teenage daughters, Taylor-Ann, 17, and Hayley, 15, does not seem to have been affected by his relapse. Keep your chin up, Hoff.

David Hasselhoff is shown at celebrity hotspot The Ivy on 10/17/07. It is thought that he went to the paparazzi-friendly restaurant to let everyone know he was OK after his relapse. Thanks to Splash News for this picture.

It’s been a little while since we’ve heard from Pete Doherty. Last we heard, he was engaged to another model – because what beauty doesn’t crave a pockmark-ridden dumpy dirty little toothless guy? That’s right, none of them! Pete is all done with his 283,484,283,498,283 visit to rehab, and he’s so confident in his success this time around that he’s told the courts they no longer need to monitor him – and they believe him. In other news, the British justice system apparently truly is blind.

Pete Doherty is vowing to stay off drugs, and an English court no longer feels the need to monitor that promise. Doherty, 28, a musician best known as Kate Moss’s ex-boyfriend, was released on Wednesday from a drug treatment order in the U.K., ending 18 months of court supervision, the Associated Press reports.

Outside the courtroom, Doherty, who has run afoul of the law with numerous drug offenses, told reporters he intends to stay clean. “It’s just the beginning, you know what I mean? My life has changed,” he said. A close friend of the rocker told PEOPLE, “He’s really really got his s— together. His is a dry tour and he hasn’t got his beer goggles on.”

Doherty, who checked into rehab in August, recently got engaged to singer-model Irina Lazareanu, according to reports.

[From People]

Well that’s a whole lot of bull I’m not inclined to believe. You? No? Really? Huh. Wonder why it’s just us that think Pete Doherty is already on the pipe again. Oh, you say he never stopped? Really, that’s crazy! He just seems like one of those “tough it out” stone cold sober types, you know. Though I will give him a little credit – he got all poufy/bloated/fat when he was done with rehab, and most people do tend to put on some weight. That has happened after his other 283,484,283,498,282 visits, so maybe he really did manage to quit this time. I mean I’m sure he’s started up again – not to be pessimistic, but come on, let’s also not be gullible here – but if he stopped even for 2 seconds, that’d be more than he’s done before. So congrats, Pete. The British justice system has so much confidence in you. We… do… too? I can’t say it. I’m counting down the days Pete.

Plastic surgery victim and fallen former Hollywood hottie Tara Reid is just 31, but somehow she managed to mess up her liver enough to require an extended hospital stay. Tara checked into a hospital in Marina del Rey, California in early October to undergo extensive tests for possible “liver and pancreas damage.”

Doctors found that she had elevated liver enzymes, which can be caused by alcohol abuse.

Tara was said to be combative and uncooperative, yelling at hospital staff. She was accompanied at all times by a “minder” and she had three quit on her while she was in the hospital. She also supposedly bragged that she knew Paris Hilton and Whitney Beers.

People who saw her in the hospital said she looked predictably awful:

“Tara was yelling at nurses and doctors, telling them they couldn’t tell her what to do,” disclosed the source.

“People at the hospital thought she was a homeless person. Her hands were dirty, and her hair was matted.”

An eyewitness - who ran into Tara as she emerged from her room a few days after her arrival - revealed she was “emaciated” and added: “Her face was dotted with red spotched. She was attached to an intravenous drip on wheels, and a nurse and an older woman held her up as she shuffled slowly down the corridor…”

“She had round-the-clock ’sitters,’ who watched her every move. Even when she went outside to have a smoke - which she did frequently - a sitter went with her.

“One minute she was calm, the next she was raning.”

Three sitters quit on her.

In one of her quiet moments, Tara proudly told someone at the hospital: “I know Paris Hilton and Britney Spears” - and then displayed their cell phone numbers to prove it.

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, October 29, 2007]

Tara was treated for the elevated liver enzymes and released. The high levels of enzymes she had in tests can be a sign of a damaged or diseased liver.

While OK! Magazine reports that Tara denies being hospitalized, the only quote they have from her is “I’m fine,” which sounds like she isn’t denying anything.

If she was angry like that it could have been a symptom of alcohol withdrawl, and not just simple diva-like behavior. Irritability, “rapid emotional changes,” and “emotional volatility” are among the symptoms of alcohol withdrawl, according to About.com.

If it’s true that’s incredibly sad and I hope that Tara gets the help she needs to turn her health and life around. She seemed to be doing better earlier this year, and hopefully she will be able to stop drinking before it’s too late.

Tara was seen out on 10/18/07 at the Reservation Road premiere, which was after she supposedly checked out of the hospital. She looks relatively sober so maybe she’s on the right path now. Thanks to PRPhotos for these pictures.

This story would have been better if we’d ever reported that John Goodman checked into a rehab center, but let’s be honest: it’s John Goodman, so it didn’t really register on our radar. But John Goodman checking out of rehab? Totally worth a story. You know why? Because celebrities have been really, really well behaved this week, and that means we have to write about what’s left: the John Goodmans of the world. If you don’t like it, I suggest you go to your local celebrity, hand them a bottle of booze, some car keys, and a donkey, and just see what the hell happens. Until then, I’m writing about Q-list stars in rehab.

John Goodman has checked out of rehab after being treated for an undisclosed reason. It was unclear how long the actor was treated, or when he was released. “For my family and myself, I voluntarily took the necessary steps to remain sober the rest of my life,” Goodman said in a statement issued by his publicist, Stan Rosenfield. Goodman left Promises Treatment Center in Malibu, “Entertainment Tonight” reported Wednesday on its Web site.

Reached by e-mail late Wednesday, Rosenfield referred to the statement and declined further comment. Goodman, 55, is best known for playing Dan Conner on the hit sitcom “Roseanne” in the 1980s and ’90s. His film credits include “The Big Lebowski,” “The Flintstones” and “The Babe.” He won an Emmy Award this year for guest actor in a drama series for “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.”

[From the Associated Press]

Something tells me John Goodman probably hooked up with some total hotties at Promises. We all know that’s where the sexiest stars go for rehab. A lot of long-time sober actors have been having issues lately. Last year, Robin Williams relapsed after being sober for 20 years, and managed to keep it pretty quiet. It’s got to be incredibly challenging to maintain your sobriety over the course of your lifetime. The only thing I’m addicted to is sugar, and just trying to beat that has been life-consuming for me. Despite the jokes, I have a lot of respect for anyone who confronts their addictions head on. Hopefully John Goodman has managed to deal with whatever demons he’s got.

As much as I dislike Dina Lohan, I hate Michael Lohan a whole lot more. Both of Lindsay Lohan’s parents are obvious users and losers, and each one seems to excel at their own version of latching onto the kid and riding her coattails as far as possible. But why oh why can’t Michael Lohan ever keep his mouth shut? Dina Lohan manages to do nothing but talk about Lindsay nonstop, and yet she still doesn’t seem quite as opportunistic as her ex-husband.

So for no apparent reason, Michael Lohan has taken it upon himself to tell People magazine just how great Lindsay is doing. He’s also a big fan of her new boyfriend, who she met in rehab and is (according to Michael) moving to Utah to be closer to. Isn’t a big rule of AA not to have a new relationship for one year to focus on sobriety? Sounds like Lindsay’s really taking it all seriously. Though Lindsay Lohan without a boyfriend is like Paris Hilton without herpes – one just doesn’t make sense without the other.

“When Lindsay Lohan leaves Utah to finish filming Dare To Love Me in Los Angeles, she will have round-the-clock help staying sober, her dad said. To insure the 21-year-old actress continues her recovery from alcohol and drug abuse, a sober companion, trained to be with people overcoming addictions, will be with her, Michael Lohan told PEOPLE. On Oct. 5, Lohan left rehab at Utah’s Cirque Lodge Treatment Center, which helped the actress find the companion.

“‘Lindsay’s companion is really, really tough, and she’s really nice, she’s an amazing lady, a great influence on Lindsay’s life,’ the elder Lohan said before attending a family court hearing in Westbury, N.Y., concerning his youngest children Ali, 13, and Dakota, 11. He also talked about another part of her new life – beau Riley Giles, whom she met in rehab. ‘He’s a great, great kid,’ Lohan said. ‘If you met him, you’d like him.’

“Lohan does not know where his daughter will be staying in L.A., but after filming – slated to begin Oct. 15 – he expects her to come back to Utah to live, receive continued counseling and attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. ‘It looks like she may have already found a house,’ he said, noting that she currently stays in a rental near the lodge. And he’s definitely not concerned about reports of her going out at night to establishments that serve liquor. ‘She goes out, she goes out,’ he said. ‘She does the right thing.’”

[From People]

Um, alright Michael Lohan. You psycho. That sentence “She goes out, she goes out. She does the right thing” is kind of confusing, because he didn’t say “BUT” she does the right thing. Forgetting to add that makes it sound like he’s saying going out is the right thing, which I have to say it probably isn’t for someone in Lohan’s shoes. She should really try spending a little time alone, just her, a cat, and a good book. Isn’t that a funny image! Pretty soon she’d have the cat strung out on opiates while she danced around naked singing the flower drum song or something. Hopefully this sober companion will be on the lookout and keep Lohan away from any animals she may encounter, in addition to men. Really, why is Michael Lohan acting like this is a good thing? Isn’t he an addiction counselor himself now? It’s like if Lindsay Lohan does just half the things she should do, that’s enough for everyone. Let me remind you all, 50% is still an F. Which is also the grade I’m giving you as a parent.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s Lindsay and her douchey looking boyfriend Riley Giles in Utah today. Images thanks to Splash Photos.

Another member of Anna Nicole Smith’s crazy brigade of unchecked quasi-professionals is under investigation. This time it’s Smith’s psychiatrist, Dr. Khristine Eroshevich. This was the woman who managed to make herself so indispensable to Smith that she traveled around the world with her, never leaving her side. If this only started after Smith’s son’s death, I would think that this was possibly just the most committed psychiatrist ever. But Eroshevich has been doing this for years, leaching on to Anna and her money and keeping her doped up to her liking. After Smith’s death, 11 prescriptions were found in her room that were prescribed by Eroshevich. She can be seen in a lot of videos and photos of Anna from the last few years of her life, and you can tell she’s just another one of the users.

“California Department of Justice investigators began serving search warrants Friday in connection with the death of Anna Nicole Smith, a person close to the investigation told The Associated Press. The person, who spoke on condition of anonymity because the investigation was ongoing, declined to elaborate. California Attorney General Jerry Brown was expected to make an announcement later Friday.

“The former Playboy Playmate died of an accidental drug overdose in February at a Florida hotel. She was 39. Several people close to the model have fallen under suspicion since her death, including her psychiatrist Dr. Khristine Eroshevich. The Medical Board of California said in April it was investigating Eroshevich, who, according to documents, authorized all 11 prescription medications found in Smith’s hotel room the day she died. Eroshevich had traveled with Smith to Florida.

“More than 600 pills, including 450 muscle relaxants, were missing from prescriptions that were no more than five weeks old, according to the documents, which were obtained by The Associated Press through a public records request.”

[From the Associated Press]

“People” has a quote from one of Eroshevich’s neighbors who noted, “There were about six cars and some men walking around with … guns.” I really like the ellipses there. Adds to the drama and uncertainty, and isn’t that important when talking about guns? A rep for the DEA said that they did participate in the raid and served Eroshevich with a search warrant, but she hasn’t been arrested (yet). Anna’s other doctor, Sandeep Kapoor, is also investigation for writing a prescription for her for methadone 13 days before she gave birth. He was extra-shady, appearing in some images with Anna at a float for a gay pride event. Talk about blurring the line between doctor and patient. On the internet, he described one of his practice’s specialties as “Entertainment Medicine.” I can only assume that somehow involves celebrities, assorted drugs, balloon animals, and funny accents.