I had this story in the links yesterday, but I just had to talk about once I saw this amazing ad. I was going to start the story with “LUBE, there it is!” (sung to the tune of “Whoop! There It Is”). Tasteless? Probably. As you can see, Kris Jenner is now the face of vadge dryness. Arid, powdery biscuits. Kris was named the spokeswoman for Zestra Essential Arousal Oils, which is just a fancy name for lube. Life & Style (who broke the story) claims that Kris felt a kinship to the company because she’s 56 years old and still very sexual. A source says: “She’s tried it and uses it. She wants to promote great sex.”

After nearly 21 years of marriage, Kris Jenner still has the hots for her husband Bruce — but that doesn’t mean they don’t need a little assistance in the bedroom.

The 56-year-old mother of Kourtney, 32, Kim, 31, and Khloe Kardashian, 27, is now the celebrity spokesperson for Zestra, a brand of arousal oils that vows to “help women get in the mood and ready for romance in minutes.”

“You can’t always plan a romantic dinner or wait for a vacation to have amazing sex, so you have to take advantage of those moments of mutual intimacy,” Jenner says in her testimonial. “For me, [Zestra provides] instant gratification. In a busy, complicated, hectic life, you can still fit in the time for sex, and you know it’s going to be enjoyable.”

The E! reality star believes Zestra can “add a little excitement” to any woman’s love life.

“Relationships have ebbs and flows and ups and downs that you just have to go with. You have to find simple ways to spice it up — to keep feeding the fire and keep monotony out of monogamy,” Kris says. “All of us have those moments when we look at our partner and think to ourselves, ‘Seriously? Not you again.’ And, then other times, they are the cutest thing in the world. Try something new and keep an open mind.”

Asks Jenner: “Why wouldn’t you want to try something that makes sex feel amazing and works in minutes?”

[From Us Weekly]

The thought of Kris and Bruce Jenner getting dirty with each other is all the birth control I need, but I do think it’s kind of nice (?) that Kris is representing women “of a certain age” who are still very much sexual. Of course Kris is a horrible person, etc, etc. But it’s nice that there’s at least one over-50 cat-face who is talking about her healthy sex life, you know? I can’t believe I’m defending her.

Here’s Kris being interviewed on Extra yesterday. Mario Lopez is human Zestra (for Kris).

Ad courtesy of Us Weekly, additional pics by WENN.

As always, the commercials were the relative highlight of last night’s Super Bowl XLVI show. Overall, those lucrative advertising firms fared … alright this year. My favorite was the Honda CR-V Game commercial, “Matthew Broderick’s Day Off,” which serves as an unofficial sequel to Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, but it’d have been even better if the commercial had given a (more prominent) nod to the Cameron Frye character as well since he was the most underrated part of the movie itself.

Otherwise, the advert spots were business as usual. The Coca Cola Polar Bears were out in full force as were Jerry Seinfeld and the Soup Nazi for Audi. Most of the commercials can be viewed on the AdBlitz YouTube channel, and Pajiba has compiled a top ten list that’s pretty good, but Dustin Rowles favors the sentimental and also, sadly, doesn’t enjoy beer commercials featuring cute puppies. As for my own taste, I’m a sucker for slightly anthropomoprhized canines, so here are few of those plus some of the better ones featuring celebrities (because that’s what we do here, right?).

Bud Light – “Here We Go” Rescue Dog: So bloody cute that I yearned for the Puppy Bowl. If I could’ve found a dog to fetch me hummus last night, I’d have been one happy woman.

Volkswagon – “The Dog Strikes Back”: This just goes to show that dogs need self improvement too, although I could’ve done without the Darth Vader cameo.

Dannon Oikos Greek Yogurt – “The Tease”: John Stamos totally gets his ass kicked and loves it.

2012 Kia Optima – “A Dream Car. For Real Life.”: Featuring Adriana Lima and Motley Crue. Very cheesy but still effective.

Teleflora Super Bowl Ad – “Adriana Lima 2012″: At first, I actually thought this was a (very subtle) Victoria’s Secret commercial.

David Beckham Bodywear for H&M – “Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood”: We get it, David. You like to show off your underwear and tats.

Chrysler – “It’s Halftime America”:: This one really hit the spot, as my grandma used to say, and the commercial fits well with the current economic climate without getting too political.

Chrysler – “It’s Halftime America, Gotham City”: Of course, the same theme also works well to plug the upcoming The Dark Knight Rises movie.

And of course, more puppies are to be found in the “The Bark Side” Volkswagon teaser:

I talk a lot of smack about Kristen Stewart, some of which she deserves, some of it she might not. But at the end of the day, I do think she’s a pretty girl, and I think she’s making some interesting career moves. This one took me by surprise, though – Kristen was just named the new face of Balenciaga’s fragrance for women. K-Stew will the the official lip-biter for a perfume! This is her first endorsement deal – apart from all of the Twilight crap, of course – and Balenciaga is an interesting choice for her. I think if Kristen had been brought in to work with a more mainstream company like, say, Lancome, there would be a backlash, just as there was with Emma Watson and her Justin Bieber haircut. But to sign on to front a perfume for the not-so-mainstream Balenciaga? It’s a surprisingly smart move.

Last year, Kristen Stewart’s fans watched her transform from a grungy tomboy to a glamorous style star who rocked gorgeous gowns on the red carpet and posed for the covers of W and Vogue.

And the 21-year-old Twilight star just landed her first high profile fashion gig as the face of the newest Balenciaga fragrance for women.

“Balenciaga has always stood out to me,” Stewart told WWD. “Even when I first began to consider fashion and admittedly rarely knew the brand I was wearing, I always recognized and loved Balenciaga. It feels full circle to be involved with something that spoke to me then and of course continues to excite me now. The brand is just cool. That’s the way it is. I feel drawn to it. It provokes on a number of levels. It isn’t afraid or contrived. It hits a very cool balance, always. Always pretty undeniable.”

The fragrance campaign is expected to be launched this fall. In the meantime, Stewart is enjoying some rare downtime after shooting three films in 2011 (On the Road, Snow White and the Huntsman and The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2).

[From Us Weekly]

We get it, honey. It’s COOL. You would never associate with anything less than COOL. Damn, do you remember what that was like? I remember being, oh… 15 years old. And everything was about being cool. You would just die if you ever did anything uncool. Coolness was the ultimate goal in life. And Kristen’s bringing that hipster cred (for real?) to Balenciaga.

I’m including the Snow White & the Huntsman trailer again, just because I think this was another smart move for K-Stew, career-wise. I’m actually looking forward to seeing this.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Here are some shots from Lindsay Lohan’s ad campaign for Philipp Plein, the one that she shot in September in Italy, in between escort gigs. Allegedly, LL got paid $500,000 - for the ad campaign, and likely to “date” Philipp Plein for a week while he “promoted” her and his brand. I have to say – I saw some of the candids from this photo shoot, and my expectations were pretty low, but these aren’t terrible. They’re much better quality than I was expecting, except that there’s only so much Photoshop that you can use to de-crackify that face. Also – look at LL’s mouth in the shot where she’s wearing red. You can really see her jacked crack teeth. This campaign was shot before she got her teeth “fixed.”

Meanwhile, LL is embroiled in a new scandal. She got high for three years and forgot to file her taxes in 2009. Oh, Cracken.

Lindsay Lohan has a brand new $93,000 problem — because the federal government claims the actress never paid her 2009 income tax … and now Uncle Sam is finally out to collect.

According to official documents filed in Los Angeles, the Internal Revenue Service has obtained a lien against Lohan for $93,701.57 for failure to pay her federal income tax.

2009 wasn’t a very lucrative year for Lohan … she only released one crappy made-for-TV movie, coupled with a few minor TV appearances.

Now, if Lohan refuses to pay the debt … the government can go after anything that belongs to her … including homes, cars and bank accounts … assuming she has any of those things.

We called Lohan for comment — so far, no response.

[From TMZ]

She’ll pay. She’s got Philipp Plein and Playboy money burning a whole in her pocket, so she’s got the funds. The funds will dry up, though. Very quickly. The question I have, though, is about who exactly “forgot” to file her taxes? Because you know LL has never sat down and tried to do it herself – surely she has an accountant? Surely Mother Crackhead – Linnocent’s MANAGER – would be on top of stuff like “filing tax returns.” Right?

Photos courtesy of Philipp Plein.

These days, I think most of us have realized that Katie Holmes is much more of a model than an actress. That is, we’re all aware of Katie’s artistic shortcomings unless we just happen to be Tom Cruise, who believes that Katie is “amazing” in all capacities and probably was the midget behind Variety’s decision to name Katie the “Face of the Future in Film” last year. After all, her latest theatrical outings have included such gems as Jack and Jill and Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark, both of which underperformed at the box office and featured the same exact robotic actressin’ style familiar to anyone who dared to watch The Kennedys miniseries. In modelling, however, robotic isn’t always a terrible thing. Katie’s already brought her zombie face to an Ann Taylor campaign, and now she’s doing a variation called “topless zombie” for a new H. Stern jewelry ad campaign:

She’s become known for dressing down in recent months, usually going casual in loose jeans and tracksuit bottoms.

But now Katie Holmes has proved that when it comes to being sexy, she can still pull it out the bag.

The 33-year-old actress is seen going topless in a series of sexy and sultry new campaign for jeweller H. Stern.

Showcasing a pretty necklace, and not much else, Katie looks seductively into the camera as her long brown hair blows out around her.

In another shot, mother-of-one Katie is seen writhing around in the sand, advertising a pretty chain bracelet.

Katie is also seen displaying her stunning figure in a sexy black one-piece, going for the wet look with her hair slicked back to show off her model-like bone structure.

While the adverts, Katie’s third campaign for H. Stern, are currently only running in Israel, they are set to hit America this autumn.

[From Daily Mail]

Okay, so she goes sort of topless and her eye makeup looks good here, but I’m still seeing the same trancelike Katie who gets regularly featured in publicity blitzes for Tom’s movies. Quite frankly, these new ads aren’t any sexier than the slutty pumpkin, and that’s saying something. It’s all in the eyes, and Katie’s eyes are quite like those of the undead.

Admittedly, this is the one selection from the campaign that doesn’t look half bad and is sort of lifelike.

In the rest of these ads though, Katie just looks like the Bride of Xenu.

Photos courtesy of H. Stern and HuffPo

Kate Winslet was named as the new “(Botox)face” of St. John’s last year. Her first batch of ads were memorable, in my mind, because Kate looked seriously pissed off in every shot, and St. John’s ad people must have found it difficult to Photoshop-out the “bitchface.” Anyway, these are some new ads from the St. John’s Spring 2012 campaign. We have two print ads and a video (which I’ve included below). The ad campaign was shot by Craig McDean, who does a lot of work for W Magazine, often creating airy, light-soaked images. I like the idea of this ad campaign – a woman in her 30s who isn’t a size zero, wearing comfortable, accessible, pretty business-wear. But somehow, the execution is “off” somehow. Maybe it’s because of whatever is happening to Kate’s face? Should we talk about Kate’s face? Um. You know my thoughts on it. Bitch is jacked to high heaven. Feel free to disagree.

In the video, Kate says: “This collection does feel very light and very fresh. What I love too is the lines are a lot more relaxed, and yet at the same time they still give shape, so you get those lovely feminine curves, which to me are very, very important. You don’t have to be a size 2 or even a size 4 to be able to wear these garments because they fall so well, they’re cut for women with a shape, and of course I love that. That’s me all over.”

Ads courtesy of St. John’s.

Mila Kunis is the new face of Dior! These are some of the images from Mila’s new Dior campaign – I find the campaign shots to be gorgeous. Except for the shot where Mila has the red bag – they overdid the Photoshop on her face in that one. But the other shots are gorge.

Dior took a big hit, public-relations-wise, in 2011 when their head designer, John Galliano, revealed himself to be a drunken, racist, anti-Semitic Nazi sympathizer. Galliano was pushed out, and he went to rehab, and Dior is now being looked after by…? I don’t even know. I know that towards the end of last year, there were many names being thrown around, like Marc Jacobs and Alexander Wang, but I think it went to (or is about to go to) a relative unknown by the name of Raf Simons.

Anyway, Dior girls of the past and present have included Marion Cotillard, Charlize Theron and Natalie Portman. Portman was very vocal in her criticism of Galliano, and it’s very interesting to me that it seems like Portman is totally out of her Dior contract and she seems to have been replaced with Mila.

For a young actress — for any actress — getting a big beauty endorsement deal for print and television advertising campaigns is an enormous boost to the career. First of all, it’s very lucrative. Second, it means the world will be exposed to your face, shot by one of the best photographers on the planet. And finally, you become associated with the brand’s international image — which in this case is Dior.

Up until recently, French actress Marion Cotillard has been Dior’s face. While they’ve been working with Charlize Theron for many years on the perfume front, it’s unusual for Dior to have an American actress be their face when it comes to clothing and handbags. Mila Kunis will debut in the new spring/summer 2012 ad campaign shot by Mikael Jansen in New York and will break this month. Kunis is featured in chic black clothes and a red iconic “Miss Dior” bag. Her hair is pulled up in a French style chignon.

“I am absolutely thrilled to be working with Dior,” Kunis announced. “The brand is iconic in so many ways. It defines fashion, elegance and sophistication.”

Kunis has just wrapped Oz:The Great and Powerful with James Franco, and while the actress started her career in broad comedy, this will only elevate that leading lady image she’s been heading for. Will Kunis show up for Dior’s couture show next week in Paris or their ready to wear show in March? We have a feeling there’s a strong possibility. Also, next time she shows up at an awards show, you can bet it will be in Dior.

[From The Hollywood Reporter]

I think this endorsement deal is a smart one for both Dior and Mila – it’s a very good combination. Mila will hit a younger demographic for Dior, and the international ad campaign will help to launch Mila as a bigger international star. I wonder how much Mila got paid? I’m guessing… maybe $2 million?

PS… Mila is not The Big One! Think busted and older.

Photos courtesy of Dior.

Ah, Goldenballs. This morning, CB, Bedhead & I were emailing about these new H&M ad campaign photos of David Beckham, and the conversation quickly turned to the size of his, um, BULGE. Bedhead asked if we thought Beckham was really packing this seemingly oversized equipment, or whether he stuffs his drawers. It’s unknown. I’m guessing that there is some kind of stuffing, padding or something to make the bulge look so “pronounced” and, might I say, SMOOTH. But Bedhead also reminded us that Victoria once bragged about David’s equipment, comparing the Becksdong to a “tractor exhaust pipe.”

In other Becks news, the Family Beckham will not be moving to Paris! There were tons of rumors (and even some confirmations) that David was going to sign with Paris Saint Germain, and that his family was going to move to Paris with him. But David seems to have pulled out of the deal, and he’s looking to sign on for another year with the LA Galaxy. The reason given? David doesn’t want to uproot his family. Which… I believe. David and Victoria both seem to genuinely like living in America, and I remember David making some comments about how the boys have adjusted very well to LA, and how they even have American accents now. I think Victoria might be happier in LA too – her whole fashion company is based in LA and NYC, right?

Ads courtesy of The Fashionisto.

I don’t know how recent this is, but I think it’s a new story. Lindsay Lohan, crackie extraordinaire, has landed yet another “modeling” gig, this time with a brand called “Jag Jeans.” Yes, LL is a Jag… girl. The promotional copy reads like the drunken ramblings of Mother Crackhead: “As Jag Jeans’ newest endorser, Lindsay embodies the strength and fearlessness of the woman of today. She is unafraid to be who she is. She is fierce yet exudes feminine grace.” She is crackie yet exudes vodka fumes. She is unafraid to be a raging, delusional monster. She embodies crack drama and narcissism. Here’s more:

The Jag Jeans crew traveled to Los Angeles to shoot the style icon at the landmark SLS Boutique Hotel in Beverly Hills. Led by world-renowned photographer YuTsai, who has spearheaded photo shoots for such international celebrity beauties as Anne Hathaway, Mila Kunis, Rihanna and Janet Jackson, it was clear that the spread for Jag Jeans was going to be once again artistic and edgy.

And Lindsay did not disappoint.

Like a woman who knows what she wants, Lindsay worked closely with Jag’s stylist Maya Krispin, who has styled Tinseltown’s biggest names like Katy Perry, Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian, to personally select her wardrobe for every spread.

Lindsay was so involved with the shoot that she would go as far as adjusting items on the set. She even requested scissors so she could personally fray the edges of her black crepe blouse because she believed it would look better that way. Lindsay would take a hands-on approach to her shots, as she was more than willing to change her hairstyle during mid-shoot and even used her own personal jewelry and accessories when needed.

Lindsay was impressed by Jag’s Push Up Skinny Jeans and Flared Jeans, and even asked if she could keep a peach top and the denim shorts she used during the shoot.

With Lindsay’s appeal, lensman YuTsai’s intricate eye for detail, stylist Maya’s heightened fashion sense and the Philippe Starck-designed SLS hotel as its canvas, the shoot stamped Jag Jeans mark as an international brand to be reckoned with.

[Via press release]

The Jag people also not that LL wore her own diamond Cartier bracelets in one shot, and she apparently claimed they were “a special gift.” Which is her way of saying that she crack-heisted them, correct?

As for the quality of the jeans, the quality of the ad campaign and the quality of LL as a model… well, she shilling denim booty shorts, and they shot it at a Beverly Hills hotel because LL can’t leave the state without completing her community service. It’s never going to be high-class, you know?

Photos courtesy of Jag Jeans.

The Insider and Entertainment Tonight have a series of segments which are basically paid advertisements for the California Tourism board, but that’s ok because they’re kind of brilliant. Here’s one of their latest (above) featuring the preternaturally young looking Rob Lowe. Lowe explains about how awesome California is for outdoor enthusiasts with activities like skiing, surfing and bicycle riding. Judging from how hot he is it also seems to do wonders for one’s complexion. Unlike a lot of other wealthy famous Californians who attempt to achieve youth through chemistry, Lowe genuinely looks about 15 years younger than his age (47). In a recent interview with In Touch, Lowe said that he’s not about to get any plastic surgery either. I thought that was a Californian’s birth right. That and medicinal pot.

With his sparkling blue eyes and boyish charm, Hollywood veteran Rob Lowe is still a heartthrob. But as he nears 50, the father of two doesn’t fear losing the looks that helped make him a household name three decades ago. “I’m not worried about chronological years,” Rob, the director of the web video Butterfinger the 13th, available on Facebook, tells In Touch in an exclusive interview, adding that he has never even considered plastic surgery or Botox. “I don’t think guys should be monkeying around with that stuff.”

So without a quick fix, how does the actor plan on staying so hot? Rob credits his sons, Edward, 18, and John, 16, with keeping him fit. “I’m outside surfing, diving, you name it,” he says. “I’m very cool with my teenagers.”

[From In Touch]

If that’s the result of living in that climate sign me up. At least get me there on vacation if there are more guys like Lowe around. I’m more of a city girl and am not the outdoorsy type, but given how hot those type of guys are I should at least go buy a pair of hiking boots. I’ll ride my bike and try to surf. There’s no way in hell you’re ever going to get me to go white water rafting or mountain climbing though. I have to draw the line somewhere.

These are just gratuitous shirtless photos of Rob Lowe, plus some event photos where he’s looking dapper. The photo of him in the casual-type suit is from 10-12-11, but it looks like it could have been taken in the 80s! He’s also shown in a tux on 5-16-11 with his wife. Credit: Fame