Have we talked about how I think Mike Tyson is a big ball of sexy? Mike Tyson is a big ball of sexy. Who can resist a face tattoo? Nothing makes panties drop faster. In fact, as a general rule of thumb, you should always be sure not to wear a skirt around Mike Tyson, or you’ll find your panties on the sidewalk and you’re halfway down the block. Same things applies to kilts, gentlemen. That’s probably what happened to Britney’s and Paris’ underwear. They came across Mike Tyson and suddenly found themselves flashing their lady bits.

Being the winner that he is, Tyson hasn’t been able to settle for just being a convicted rapist, domestic abuser, and ear biter. He’s one of those all or nothing types, and decided to tack a little DUI and drug possession onto his record for good measure. Got to stay in the tabloids and all.

“Former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson pleaded guilty Monday to charges of drug possession and driving under the influence stemming from a traffic stop last year as he was leaving a nightclub. Tyson quietly acknowledged to a judge that he had cocaine and was impaired when he was stopped for driving erratically in Scottsdale on Dec. 29. He pleaded guilty to a single felony count of cocaine possession and a misdemeanour DUI count and faces up to four years and three months in prison when he is sentenced Nov. 19. A felony charge of possession of drug paraphernalia and a second misdemeanor DUI charge were dropped, according to the terms of a plea agreement. Defense lawyer David Chesnoff said Tyson has been clean and sober for eight months.

“‘It’s obvious this was a crime he was committing against himself,’ Chesnoff said.

“Police stopped Tyson after the boxer had spent the evening at Scottsdale’s Pussycat Lounge. An officer said he saw Tyson wiping a white substance off the dashboard of his black BMW, and that his speech was slurred. Authorities said they found bags of cocaine in Tyson’s pocket and in his car.

“Tyson told officers later that he used cocaine ‘whenever I can get my hands on it,’ and that he preferred to smoke it in Marlboro cigarettes with the tobacco pulled out, according to court documents. He also told police that he used marijuana that day and was taking the antidepressant Zoloft, the documents state.”

[From the Chronicle Journal]

I know I’ve been critical of Tyson in the past, but who among us can really say they don’t enjoy the occasional snort of cocaine when it’s offered? Isn’t it rude to refuse? And then you have to get home, so why would you ask someone for a ride, or pay someone since you’re stinking rich, when you can just drive yourself when you’re hopped up on cocaine. Or whatever you get on cocaine. Cracked out? Up? I feel as though celebrity morons are getting their comeuppance of late, and it makes me very happy. But only because I get to say comeuppance.

So just what was going on with Britney Spears that had her bodyguard Tony Barretto so worried? Barretto has given several good quotes that explain his worries, and most of them seem fairly credible, given Spears bizarre, erratic, and seemingly unsafe behavior. Barretto doesn’t seem to have anything to gain from coming forward with his allegations – he went to a lawyer and a court of law first. It’s hard to say if the tabloids have paid him or not, but he didn’t just go blabbing to them without backing up his accusations, so I think it’s fair to give some weight to what he says. It’s a really long article, so I’ll just give you some of the highlights. Keep in mind this is from “News of the World,” and they can get a little over-dramatic with the CAPS.

On why he came forward:

“OVERDOSED in a drug-strewn hotel room on a binge with junkie lover Howie Day just days after checking out of rehab. ‘She was in a terrible state, just sweating and shaking. Her pupils were huge—we thought she was dying,’ said Tony. Man mountain 6ft 7in Barretto, 27—nicknamed Fat Tony—told us: ‘I gave evidence to the court because Britney is out of control and needs help. I have done this for her children. She’s not a good mother. She has mental problems. With her drug and booze issues, her home is no place for kids to be raised.’”

[From News of the World]

On Spears’ brief relationship with Howie Day:

“She went on a date with musician Day, 26—who she’d met in rehab—telling her worried protection team she didn’t need them. Tony said: ‘We did security checks on Howie and told her he was trouble. But she ignored us.’ Hours later hysterical Britney, 25, called aides, claiming Day was refusing to let her leave their hotel room. Tony recalled: ‘She said she wanted to cancel the tour. She was very confused. We asked her if she was OK and reminded her she had a show to do. Then Howie came on the phone and started arguing with us. We knew we had to get to her fast.’

“Tony raced to LA’s plush Mondrian Hotel with another bodyguard and Britney’s best friend and PA Alli Sims. When they got to their room they found the door open and an appalling scene inside. Tony said: ‘We could see Britney all red-eyed from crying. Howie was lying in his boxers asleep on the bed. The hotel room was trashed. There were half-eaten plates of food everywhere. There were blankets all over the floor, clothes strewn everywhere. The trash was emptied everywhere over the floor. The entire place was littered with empty beer bottles and liquor bottles, small glasses of ice and cigarette butts everywhere. On the surface of the dresser, I could see mounds of white powder and a straw on top. I suspected it was cocaine or powdered methamphetamines. By the side I spotted a glass pipe, which I knew from my drugs training was often used with crystal meth.’

“The drug has similar effects to amphetamine and ecstasy. Overdosing can cause heart failure. Tony went on: ‘I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Britney was completely out of it. We thought she’d overdosed. She was distraught, crying. Her skin was all waxy. She looked so ill. We tried to speak to her. My fellow bodyguard and Alli were so worried they wanted to get hold of a medic to detoxify her. We were panicking. We thought she was going to die. There was talk about where to put the detox line it was that serious—through her arm, which would make fans think she’d been injecting, or through her neck.’”

[From News of the World]

On ignoring her kids:

“‘I was worried about the children due to her erratic behaviour. She wouldn’t talk to them at all and she would be in her own world. I remember being in the hallway, and she was at the other end looking completely out of it. She would be nervously chewing her fingernails and babbling away. We’d have to look after the kids while she went through her strange behaviour. I know enough about drugs to know she was not being the normal Britney.’ Tony said: ‘I hope this will be wake-up call to her. I like Britney. All I want is for her to be a success and a good mum.’”

[From News of the World]

On Sean Preston and Jayden James becoming scared of Britney:

“He also told how she kept Jayden James and Sean Preston up late so they would sleep through the mornings and not wake her. If they woke early, a member of staff dealt with them. Tony said: ‘Britney does love her kids but she is a fickle mum. When the kids are happy, she’s happy. When they’re crying or unwell, she’s not sure what to do. She speaks to them in weird, creepy, baby voices, in made-up languages, which they just don’t get. All it does is unsettle, upset and scare them. Often she would scream and cry uncontrollably. Imagine what that is like for young children.’

Tony said he never saw her feed the boys. He added: ‘When they are unwell, her answer is: “Give the baby a bottle of medicine.” I’ve never seen her deal with them like a full, attentive mum.’ Tony knew he had to take action when Britney nearly wrote off her car with the kids inside. He said: ‘We followed her but she was driving like a lunatic on the wrong side of the road. It was terrifying.’

[From News of the World]

So not that we were sitting around wondering why Britney shouldn’t have custody of her kids, but I think this gives us all a much better idea as to the specific behaviors. Considering how bizarrely she’s acted in public, all of Barretto’s accusations do a good job of explaining Britney’s actions. Nothing here is really a surprise, in and of itself, it’s just shocking to hear that a parent could behave this way around her kids, and in life in general. I’m not a mom so I don’t completely understand the emotions of this, but I can’t understand why a person who appears to not want to deal with being a parent would fight so hard to be one.

Amy Winehouse sure isn’t good about keeping things hidden from the press. Other celebrities get into fights with their spouses, maybe do some drugs, or God forbid cut themselves – they do it in private. X17 isn’t generally there to grab photos. Amy Winehouse and her husband have a fight? The whole thing’s documented, because they chase each other through the street. Amy cuts herself, and then walks through London holding a blood-soaked rag. Totally normal, right?

“There are fresh concerns for troubled singer Amy Winehouse after she was spotted in the streets with blood dripping from her hand. The 23-year-old boozer was seen clutching a blood covered cloth to stop bleeding from a wound to her hand. She was photographed as she climbed out of a taxi in Chelsea, London. Winehouse, who has been open about her self-harming in the past, tried to conceal the injury in a blood-soaked hankerchief, which was dripping onto her shoes. An onlooker said: ‘Her hand looked to be in a right state, she tightly gripped it with a piece of material but you could still see the wound.’

The Rehab singer shocked fans last month after fleeing London’s Sanderson hotel in the early hours of the morning, covered in blood and scratches after a scrap with her husband. Winehouse opted out of rehab following the last bloodied encounter, fleeing Britain for a holiday with Blake in St. Lucia. The couple’s troubles looked to be behind them after she and Blake, 25, arrived hand-in-hand at her comeback performance at the Mercury Music Awards earlier in the month.

[From Metro UK]

Cutting is one of those psychological disorders I’ve never been able to fathom in the slightest. But it’s really sad and upsetting that Amy has done this for so long, and still hasn’t had help for it. Though to be fair, she’s done a lot of bad things for a long time without getting treatment. The cutting thing was always kind of weird to me, because she was so vocal about it. Part of me wonders how much of this is shown in an effort to get attention. I’m not saying she’s necessarily doing it for attention, but that she might be showing it for that reason. She’s just acting out so much in public that I have a hard time believing it’s all totally legitimate. I’m sure her issues and her pain are, but her way of handling her issues is bordering on exploiting it. Amy was recently dropped as the singer for the new “007” theme song. Producers cited her issues as the reason they didn’t want to work with her. In a short time, all that attention is going to lead to tiny apartment and a dead-end job… at best.

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s Amy out with husband Blake Fielder-Civil at the Century Club in London for her birthday this past Friday. Images thanks to PR Photos.

I’m not sure if we have that many country music loving folks here, so I generally don’t cover the Nashville scene all that much. But once in a while a crossover tale emerges, and you end up with the likes of Mindy McCready, most famous to us non-Nashvillians (is that what they’re called?) as the lady who once dated former Superman Dean Cain. She’s also had several country hits, including “Guys Do it All the Time.” McCready has lived a rather… dramatic existence the last several years. She’s been a victim of extreme domestic violence, her boyfriend tried to murder her, she had a suicide attempt when she found out she was pregnant, and has since struggled with drug and alcohol addictions. This past Friday, McCready was sentenced to a year in jail for violating her probation after she was arrested for assaulting her mother and resisting arrest – police had to use pepper spray to get her under control.

“The jail sentence should keep McCready out of the blotter for a few months, which is something of rarity. In addition to her 2004 conviction for prescription fraud, she was arrested in May 2005 on charges of drunken driving and driving on a suspended license, though only the latter charge stuck.

“Shortly after the bust, her then boyfriend and father of her son, Billy McKnight, was arrested and charged with attempting to murder McCready after a domestic dispute reached alarming heights of brutality.

“In August of the same year, the “Ten Thousand Angeles” singer, who has not released an album since 2002, was again arrested and held for 10 days after a warrant was issued in her name for parole violations. In her subsequent court appearance, McCready revealed she had attempted suicide after learning she was pregnant and had been hospitalized for an overdose of drugs and alcohol.”

[From E! News]

The really sad thing was when McCready was on Oprah, she kept talking about how she loved McKnight and still wanted to be with him and hoped they could work things out. And Oprah kept telling her she was messed up. I think she phrased it a little nicer, but it’s Oprah and she can be a hard ass, so you never know. Since that time, McCready has had several run-ins with the ex-boyfriend, who she admits she can’t stay away from. She was on probation for forging a prescription for OxyContin. She only had three more months, but didn’t make it.

“In the early morning hours of July 21, police in Fort Myers, Florida, responded to a call placed by McCready’s mother, Melody Inge. Inge told the dispatcher that her 31-year-old daughter was intoxicated and causing a ruckus at the family home. When police arrived, they found Inge with a scratch on the side of her face.

“McCready was rung up on charges of battery and resisting arrest. The ‘Guys Do It All the Time’ singer proved herself a difficult capture, refusing to be cuffed, police said. (For her part, McCready claimed she was tackled by officers while holding her 16-month-old son. The singer also claimed that she suffered a broken nose and sustained bruising during her scuffle with the cops.)

McCready failed to ease up during the booking process at the local Lee County Jail, police said, and officers were forced to pepper spray the entertainer into submission.

“She was eventually released on $1,000 bail, at which point she flew from Florida into Nashville, where she was taken into custody and booked at Williamson County Jail. She has been held in the facility without bail for her hat trick of violations: Not only did she break probation by getting arrested, but she failed to report the arrest to her probation officer and engaged in ‘assaultive behavior’ throughout the encounter.”

[From E! News]

She was sentenced to a year in the county jail for violating her probation, along with two additional years of probation and 200 hours of community service. McCready told the court she was sorry, and asked to have a chance to “make things as right as they can possibly be.” A lot of the stories written about McCready make her out to be the bad guy, and while she certainly is (in terms of what she did at her mom’s house), I also feel badly. Clearly she has some serious issues relating to being abused, and jail hasn’t – and probably won’t – address those issues. It sounds like she’s relied on drugs and alcohol to deal with it. Hopefully they will be some court-mandated counseling, too.

Picture note by JayBird: Header image of Mindy McCready performing in Nashville in June, 2005. Images thanks to PR Photos. Here’s McCready’s booking photo courtesy of the Lee County, Fla., Sheriff’s Office.

Praise Jeebus, one of the many lawsuits against Lindsay Lohan is going forward! This one is over the October 2005 crash in which Lohan hit a van that was making an illegal u-turn. Lohan was looking behind and over her shoulder at the time, but it was still ruled to be the van driver’s fault, since he was making an illegal turn. He’s sued Lohan for upwards of $200,000, and his lawyer has alleged that Lohan was drunk at the time of the crash. The lawyer’s logic is essentially that Lohan is drunk a lot, so she was likely drunk then. I’m not oversimplifying too much, that’s pretty much what the guy is saying, just in legalese. It didn’t seem like there was a good chance that the lawsuit would proceed to trial, given that it’s hard to prove Lohan was drunk at that specific time. Yeah we all know the burden of proof is much lower in a civil trial, but there’s still no evidence that Lohan had been drinking. She had just left the Ivy, and there are no witnesses that she drank during lunch there, and the California Highway Patrol said alcohol was not a factor in the crash. Still, Lindsay is a reckless person in general, both with her own body and with others. It seems likely that her own negligence had something to do with the crash – yeah the guy shouldn’t have been making an illegal u-turn, but Lohan shouldn’t have been driving forwards while looking backwards.

A lot of “accidents” have happened to Lindsay in the last couple years. Enough that it starts to look suspicious even before the DUIs and rehab and all that. Here’s a little timeline I put together of Lindsay’s last three years from Wikipedia, Hollywood.com, People, and Yahoo. Let’s recap, shall we?

2004
Car Crash – August 3. Studio City, CA. Lohan later sued.

Hospitalization – October 25th. “High fever” in Los Angeles, CA.

2005
Hospitalization – February. “Chest pains.”

Hospitalization – March 17th. Sprained ankle.

Car Crash - May 31. Fender bender.

Car Crash – June 1. “Innocent victim.” Led to a California law meant to control crazed paparazzi - holding them liable for triple damages whenever they cause a crash.

Car Crash – October 5. “Innocent victim.” Leaves the Ivy, slams into a truck that’s making an illegal u-turn. Lohan admitted she was looking behind her shoulder at the time. Lohan later sued.

2006
Hospitalization - January. Slipped on a staircase, broke a teacup and cut her leg in London.

Hospitalization - January. Asthma attack in Miami. 4 days in the hospital.

Hospitalization – July 25. Overheating and dehydration on the set of “Georgia Rule.”

Hospitalization – September. Broken wrist in New York City.

Car Crash – November 7. “Bumped” a paparazzo with her car in Los Angeles at 2am after leaving Hyde.

Car Crash – November 17 (approx). Vehicle rams into a police car in London with then-boyfriend Calum Best.

2007
Hospitalization - January 4. World’s briefest appendectomy. Seen partying until morning the day after alleged surgery.

Rehab - January 18. Checks into Wonderland Center.

Car Crash – March. Strikes a photographer with her BMW in Los Angeles.

Car Crash – March 13. Strikes a photographer in New York.

Car Crash - May 26. Loses control of her Mercedes and strikes a curb.

Hospitalization – May 26. Minor injuries related to car crash.

Arrest – DUI – alcohol. “Usable” amount of cocaine found in vehicle.

Rehab – May 28. Checks into Promises.

Car Chase - July 24. Commandeers white GMC and chases former assistant’s mother through Santa Monica. Fails field sobriety tests. Blood alcohol level tested at between 0.12 and 0.13 percent. Small amount of cocaine found in pocket of pants.

Arrest – July 24th. Arrested on felony charges of possession of cocaine, transportation of a narcotic, and misdemeanor DUI and driving with a suspended license.

Rehab – August. Checks into Cirque Lodge.

So that’s nine car crashes in three years. Three trips to rehab in less than one year. Nine trips to the hospital, all under rather dubious circumstances. At some point you realize she’s either the unluckiest girl in the world, or she has a lot to do with all these things that “happen” to her. It’s more that she’s happening to them. She’s not just some girl who accidentally has 9 trips to the hospital. Unless she has a serious and chronic disease we don’t know about, nine trips in three years is not normal. I’m guessing Lohan has probably been drunk since about 1995 onwards, and all the falling down the stairs, heat exhaustion, and broken teacups attacking her are the logical result of all the drunkenness.

On the upside, it appears that Lohan’s community service for said drunk driving, cocaine, and chasing people will include a few little activities we didn’t know about. According to MSNBC, Lohan “must complete a three-day county coroner program in which she’ll visit a morgue and talk to victims of drunken drivers.” I doubt the victims of drunken drivers will impact Lohan in the least, because that’s about other people. But maybe the morgue will give her a better idea of what’ll happen to her if she doesn’t shape up, and let’s face it, it’s all about Lindsay.

The best way to help drug-addicted Amy Winehouse and her equally drug-addicted husband, Blake Fielder-Civil? Don’t buy her records, according to her in-laws. Apparently the couple who raised a professional layabout and leach have decided they know what’s best for Amy: don’t support her career. They don’t make any mention of what anyone should do to punish their son Blake. But it is hard to take something away from someone who hasn’t earned anything.

“The father-in-law of singer Amy Winehouse said Tuesday that fans should stop buying her records to force her to seek help for drug addiction. Giles Fielder-Civil said Winehouse and his son, Blake Fielder-Civil, were in ‘abject denial’ about their problems. He said he believed the couple had used cocaine, crack cocaine and heroin. “‘I think they believe they are recreational users of drugs and they are in control,’ Fielder-Civil told British Broadcasting Corp. radio. ‘Clearly they are addicts.’ He said fans should send a message ‘that her addiction and her behavior are not acceptable. Perhaps it is time to stop buying records,’ Fielder-Civil said. ‘It’s a possibility, to send that message.’

“Giles Fielder-Civil said Winehouse’s record label, Island, should be more ‘pro-active in helping the couple to get better’ and suggested the singer not be given awards until she cleaned up her act. ‘We shouldn’t be condoning her addiction by rewarding her with these awards’” he said.”

[From the Washington Post]

From most of the things that have been printed about Blake’s parents, they’ve been less-than-helpful with regarding their son’s problems and his negative influence on Amy. They’ve repeatedly denied that he even has a problem, and have constantly put the blame on Winehouse. Suddenly they understand he’s a drug addict, but again, the solution is to put pressure on Amy. I understand that his ultimate point (though he doesn’t say it, but let’s assume this is what he’s getting at) is to take away the source of funding for the drugs. But let’s be realistic, Amy’s made a lot of money, and if everyone stopped buying her records today, she and Blake would still be able to get drugs. Poor addicts manage to do it everyday, so I’m sure they’d find a way. That doesn’t treat their addiction, and it’s just a ploy to get publicity for himself. If he really cares about them, he needs to shut up, find his kid, and get him into a rehab facility far, far away. Blabbing to the press doesn’t help anything, and it just demonstrates what an idiot the guy is. He’s never shown any understanding that Blake has some responsibility for their massively messed up situation. Though it kind of explains how he got that way.

Picture note by JayBird: Header image of Amy and Blake out on Friday after their big fight. Images thanks to Splash Photos.

Boy the justice system sure is tough on drug/alcohol abusing celebrities lately. It’s been rumored that Lindsay Lohan could get off easily, since she wasn’t going to be charged with any felonies. Most sources were saying a minimum of 4 days, but it turns out to be even better – just 1. The rageaholic, self-centered actress will have to put in an additional 10 days of community service. Pretty sweet deal for borrowing a car and chasing someone down in the middle of the night while intoxicated. Lohan was original ordered to spend 96 hours in jail, which was reduced to 48. She was then given credit for time served when she was arrested, which somehow brought her down to one day in jail. Something tells me one day won’t get through to her like she needs.

“Lohan reached a plea deal on Thursday and will spend one day behind bars, plus 10 days of community service and must complete a drug treatment program, Access Hollywood has learned. As part of the plea deal, Lohan reportedly pleaded no contest to two charges of DUI, and two charges of being under the influence of a controlled substance (on two separate occasions) and reckless driving.

“Lohan was charged earlier in the day with seven misdemeanors stemming from two drunken-driving arrests in the last four months. More serious felony drug charges were not filed, prosecutors said, because tests showed there wasn’t enough cocaine on her to warrant them. A rep for Lindsay released the following statement to Access Hollywood on behalf of Lohan:

‘”It is clear to me that my life has become completely unmanageable because I am addicted to alcohol and drugs. Recently, I relapsed and did things for which I am ashamed. I broke the law, and today I took responsibility by pleading guilty to the charges in my case. No matter what I said when I was under the influence on the day I was arrested, I am not blaming anyone else for my conduct other than myself. I thank God I did not injure others. I easily could have. I very much want to be healthy and gain control of my life and career and have asked for medical help in doing so. I am taking these steps to improve my life. Luckily, I am not alone in my daily struggle and I know that people like me have succeeded. Maybe with time it will become easier. I hope so.’”

[From Yahoo News]

I hope whatever PR lackey wrote the copy of her remorseful statement gets a raise. That’s all really creative. Um, could you try saying something new? How many times has everyone heard that Lindsay is sorry and knows what she did was wrong? She’s not sorry, and maybe knows it’s wrong but doesn’t give a rip. Remember how before all this, Lohan kept getting into car accident after car accident? It seemed to average at about 4 or 5 a year, and she always blamed the paparazzi. Now that we have it on record that she likes to incorporate some time behind the wheel into her boozing expeditions, it really makes you wonder just how much the paparazzi really had to do with all those accidents. Yeah they’re annoying and have flashing lights and crowd around you, but I’m guessing that’s a lot harder to deal with when you’re completely plastered.

Picture note by JayBird: Header image of Lindsay walking some dogs in rehab on Monday. Note the prominently displayed “Faith” hat. If she wears it, I guess that means we’re supposed to believe she has it. Image thanks to Splash Photos.

So Bill Murray’s been kind of quiet lately. That’s not really news in and of itself, supposedly he’s a recluse and not exactly on the list of hot young celebrities. But he’s really smart and talented and once in a while puts out a really great movie, so he certainly deserves to get a mention when he joins the hot young destructive celebrity set, and gets his very own DUI. Yes, at the age of 57, Bill Murray finally has what it takes to be young and powerful in Hollywood these days. If only he’d have a pantyless crotch shot, he’d be made.

Murray was taking part in the Scandinavian Masters golf tournament in Stockholm this weekend. He had a bit to drink. Not so much that he was slurring or tipsy or falling over or anything. But enough that driving a golf cart through the streets of Stockholm seemed like a good idea. Driving a golf cart on the streets isn’t illegal in and of itself, but driving much of anything after imbibing any drink more potent than a dose of Nyquil is quite illegal. Europeans are famously more tolerant towards alcohol, but much less tolerant towards DUI/DWIs. Which is how it should be. A first infraction can often mean significant jail time and a loss of a person’s drivers license for the rest of their life. Apparently that won’t be the case for Mr. Murray, as he wasn’t ridiculously drunk and likely returned to the States.

“Bill Murray could face a drunken driving charge after cruising through downtown Stockholm in a golf cart and refusing to take a breath test, citing U.S. law. Police officers spotted the “Caddyshack” star early Monday in the slow-moving vehicle and noticed he smelled of alcohol when they pulled him over, said Detective-Inspector Christer Holmlund of the Stockholm police.

“‘He refused to blow in the (breath test) instrument, citing American legislation,’ Holmlund told The Associated Press on Wednesday. ‘So we applied the old method — a blood test. It will take 14 days before the results are in.’ Murray, who had been at a golf tournament in Sweden, signed a document admitting that he was driving under the influence, and agreed to let a police officer plead guilty for him if the case goes to court, Holmlund said.

“‘Then he was let go. My guess is he went back to America,’ Holmlund said. He said the 56-year-old actor-comedian would only be charged if tests show his blood alcohol level exceeded the legal limit, which is quite low in Sweden. A very high alcohol level could lead to a prison sentence, but Holmlund said fines were more likely.

“‘There were no obvious signs, like when someone is really tipsy,’ he said.”

[From Yahoo News]

The things unknown untalented actresses will do to get attention these days. Oops, I mean Bill Murray. Apparently the golf cart had been outside of the hotel Murray was staying in, on display for the past week. I guess temptation became a bit too much to take, and Murray absconded with it, driving the cart to the Cafe Opera nightclub. The nightclub was less than a mile away, but I’m guessing that was one long, slow mile. I wonder what role that crazy Caddyshack gopher played in this whole debacle, and if he was cited too?

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s Bill at the The Lost City Los Angeles Premiere in April 2006. Image thanks to PR Photos.

People is covering Katie Couric’s six month romance with a 33 year-old triathlete who is 17 years her junior. They have a typical feel-good story about how they met at a cancer benefit last September and have a “drama free relationship.” Brooks Perlin he had a privileged upbringing in Connecticut and is now an entrepreneur with his own business selling green materials to construction companies.

I wasn’t going to cover this, but The Enquirer has a three page story about Katie’s ongoing problems as the ratings for The CBS Evening News tank under her anchorship. They say her new hot relationship is a bright spot in her otherwise troubled life and that she went into a jealous rage after boozing heavily.

The perky news anchor has a tendency to go off on minions and co-workers, according to The Enquirer, which says that people who work with her fear her temper.

Katie is bragging to pals about the hot sex she’s having with the athletic Perlin, but she’s jealous when other women talk to her man, is really messed up over her career and just can’t keep it together:

“Katie loves to describe all the sex they are having, but she’s clearly conscious of the age difference between them. She keeps asking people if they think Brooks looks older than he really is.” [revealed a source close to her]

“There was an incident after Brooks accompanied Katie to one of the Super Bowl parties thrown by CBS.”

Katie had been boozing, and she took a limo back to the… hotel where she was staying.

“But when she got up to her floor, she was a mess. She was crying so hard that her mascara was streaming down her face.

“She began banging on the room of another staffer, asking to be let in so she could talk.

“It turned out Kate was upset that Brooks hadn’t come back to the hotel with her. They had separate rooms, but Katie had no intention of sleeping by herself.

“She claimed Brooks had spent too much time talk to her female colleagues at the party.

“Katie raged: ‘I left him talking to all those women, and he didn’t come back with me. I’m going to cancel his room! He can forget about seeing me!’”…

The next day Katie calmed down and she and Brooks were seen walking around the hotel today. And now Katie is even more determined to make the relationship work. She even dumped her previous steady beau, billionaire beer baron Jimmy Reyes, for Brooks.

[From The National Enquirer print edition, April 23, 2007]

The article goes on to say that Katie was heartbroken to learn that her sister in law Marilyn had died from blood poisoning. Katie was on vacation in Mexico with Perlin and his family when she learned the sad news. Her husband Jay Monahan passed away from colon cancer in 1998.

The Enquirer claims that Katie is all over the place since she learned that her sister in law died. She also can’t cope with the stress from her job. According to the rag, she suffers severe mood swings, and can “fly into a rage… over the smallest of things.” Her co-workers are said to have a bet about who she’ll go off on next.

The ratings are tanking for CBS News since she became anchor, but they’re also down at The Today Show since she left. If her latest job doesn’t work out, Katie has her sights on an interview talk show like Oprah’s.

Whatever is going with Katie, who can blame her for having trouble coping after her sister-in-law died? I kind of like to imagine her being this tyrannical diva at work and I hope that part is true. Good for her for bagging a hot young guy. It might not last though, The Post reports that Perlin is a serial dater of older women, and that he’s worked for “three Connecticut-based hedge funds in the past five years and has been out of work since September.” They also say he is one of those creeps who checks out every woman that walks by, according to two different sources.