Irresponsible dog owner Dane Cook can’t be bothered to pick up his dog’s poop after multiple, multiple warnings. He should be grateful he’s achieved his level of fame despite pretty accurate allegations of jacking other people’s jokes and not making them any funnier. True to form, Cook is complaining on his myspace about the movie poster for his upcoming film with Jason Biggs and Kate Hudson, My Best Friend’s Girl. He’s right, the poster looks slapped together by someone who just learned how to use the pen tool in Photoshop, but maybe he should talk to producers and not air his grievances online. Lesser mortals have been fired for blogging negatively about their jobs. I would guess he has producers’ blessings though and that someone slapped this thing together to give him something to “joke” about and get the film some advance buzz:

Before the downpour let me just say that my new movie, “My Best Friends Girl,” is the best / funniest film I’ve done yet. It’s got a terrific cast. Kate Hudson, Alec Baldwin, Jason Biggs, and myself really kicked the funny around. This movie showcases our talents accordingly as it expands on them. It’s a fun R-rated flick. An edgy comedy with a dash of romance.

That being said, let me address the fact that although I’m not a marketing major, I have a bit of a trusted reputation after 18 years self promoting. I’d like to inform you I had no say in this marketing campaign, but if I did, things would be different since it is obvious that this poster is boring / odd and has zero to do with the movie I performed in.

Here are a few things that truly blow about my upcoming movie poster to promote the release of the film opening on September 19th:

1. Graphics:
Whoever photoshopped our poster must have done so at taser point with
3 minutes to fulfill their hostage takers deranged obligations. They should have called Donnie Hoyle and had him give a tutorial using “You Suck at Photoshop” templates. This is so glossy it makes Entertainment Weekly look wooden.

2. My head:
The left side of my face seems to be melting off of my skull. I guess I am looking directly into the Ark of the Covenant? Are they going for the bells palsy thing here? My left side looks like Brittany Spears’ vagina.

3. The Stare.
My character apparently has fallen in love with a strand of Kate Hudsons hair. Kate’s mannequin is desperately in love with the inside of my right ear while Jason is half stunned, half corsage.

4. Lips:
It looks like I’m wearing Maybelline Water Shine Diamonds Liquid Lipstick. My characters name is now Winter Solstice and I’m a hooker with a heart of gold. Jason is my floral carrying pimp, while Kate is my first trick!

5. Fashion:
My character is sporting a very high collar I mean damn they should be snow capped at that altitude. It’s going for the vampire lurking in the castle basement vibe. An Olympic pole vaulter would have a tough go clearing that collar. I’m also able to turn my head comfortably 180 degrees, because I was raised in an abandoned barn by a family of owls.

6. Flesh:
It’s no secret that I’m more rugged facially due to a drunken visit by the teen acne fairy, but according to this poster I’ve got perfect porcelain flesh. I look like the f*@$in’ bathroom floor at Caesars Palace. One of Marie Osmond’s dolls would look at me and say “shit … that guys got flawless skin!”

7. Hair:
It’s actually a close up shot of Tom Sellecks Magnum P.I. mustache they photo-slapped on my noggin’.

8. The set:
Pick one. This entire film takes place:

A. on Gattaca
B. at the Fortress of Solitude
C. inside a crystal wind chime

9. The cast:
Alec Baldwin is so f#&$ing funny in this movie! Is he on the poster? I think so. He plays the wise talking plant Jason is clutching.

10. Final thoughts:
I set out to make a movie like the contemporary men and women, that you and I respect, are making. My generation of comedians, actors, directors and producers that I wish to collaborate with as I build a solid body of work.

Granted, one poster stinking up the joint isn’t the end of the world. Yet it sends the wrong message about our movie and I just wanted you to know, that I feel the pain. I really love the film and I know from past missteps marketing wise that the wrong poster sends the wrong audience into the theater.

Thanks again for all of your support. If you have not seen the red band trailer (which is excellent and represents the flick accordingly) watch it below! Just click of the mute button and your rolling!

PS – “Its funny what love can make you do.” I just threw up all over this awful poster.
Wow, wait … it looks better.

Hey … I love my new movie. Jeez … it IS funny what love can make you do.

[From Dane Cook's myspace via WeSmirch]

Maybe he’s trying in his own back asswards way to promote the film. Cook knows complaining will generate controversy and coverage, and he tries to temper his bitching with plenty of compliments for the movie. It’s possible this whole thing is a publicity stunt and they deliberately put out this bad poster to give fodder to Cook. Maybe it was his idea in the first place. What makes the poster suspicious is that Cook’s face has been obviously altered while both Hudson and Biggs look relatively normal.

Here’s the trailer. It looks completely predictable and annoying – except for Alec Baldwin. That man is teh sex. You can mock me all you want, I’m not changing my mind.

Alec Baldwin confounds me. I hated him for that terrible message he left his young daughter last spring. Then I started watching 30 Rock, in which he’s so great that I decided he could call my own mother a bitch to her face and I’d still take his side. Now it turns out he’s a supporter of PETA, and gave a really interesting speech to a group of their supporters recently. A speech I’m assuming is supposed to be ironic or funny or make you think… but doesn’t entirely come off that way in print.

On Wednesday Alec hosted a screening of Blinders for PETA. The documentary film shows the cruelty behind New York’s horse-drawn carriages.

Actor Alec Baldwin has urged visitors to New York to ditch the city’s famous horse-drawn carriages – and get drunk and take drugs instead.

The native New Yorker claims the vices are as valid a “tradition” as the carriages, which he claims are cruel to the horses forced to pull tourists around Manhattan.

Speaking at a People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals event in the city on Wednesday, Baldwin told WENN about the traditions he took part in during his youth in New York: “I walked through Union Square on my way to acting class and got offered loose joints. Drug dealing was a great tradition in this city.

“There are other traditions people can get involved with in this city. When I was younger, I used to get a bottle of wine and get drunk under the Staten Island Ferry… so there are things like that you can do.”

[From Showbiz Spy]

If you imagine him saying that last line as Jack Donaghy, it’s freaking hysterical. I hope a video surfaces. PETA president Michael McGraw clarified that Baldwin was definitely joking. He was pointing out that there were other traditions in New York that weren’t decent, and most people wouldn’t considering participating in most of those. Though to be fair, I have gotten drunk under the Staten Island Ferry. So drunk, in fact, that the whole ferry looked like it was painted a blindingly bright orange.

Here’s Alec at the PETA hosting of the screening of ‘Blinders’ in New York City on Wednesday. Images thanks to WENN.

Remember that voicemail message that Alec Baldwin left for his-then 12 year-old daughter, Ireland, in which he sounded like a mafia kingpin telling her she had insulted him for the last time and calling her a thoughtless little pig? (Here’s a Dora the Explorer mashup with the voicemail created by Funny Or Die in case you missed it.)

Baldwin was on 60 Minutes last night and Morley Safer specifically asked him about the voicemail message, which was leaked a little over a year ago. You could see Baldwin’s temper starting to mildly flare in his response to Morley, in which he took the question as a personal affront and told him he had a judgmental tone.

On his nasty voicemail message to his daughter

Alec: You get so frustrated and you realize number one, and it’s wrong, it’s totally wrong, that I was really speaking to somebody else when I left that message. I mean, I was past, I was putting up with this for six years.

Morley: But you weren’t talking to another person. You were talking to your daughter, a kid. You said “you thoughtless little pig” I mean I find it hard to utter the words.

Alec: Did you ever lose your temper with your kids?

Morley: Yeah, but nothing like that.

Alec: If you’re asking me, do I feel bad about leaving that message. I think that goes without saying. At the same time [acting pissed] I’m pretty overwhelmed by the sanctimoniousness of people who say that I mean I got so many phonecalls from people who seem as learned and sober and together as you are, who all said to me “Man, I’m glad they didn’t tape some of the things I said to my kids.”

Morley: As appalling as what you said may be even more appalling may be that it was released by someone.

Alec: That tells you what I’m dealing with. Listen, you use words like appalled and you have, if I may say so, a pretty judgmental tone of me. I think that as truly sorry as I am that that happened, to me it only illustrates how difficult this process has become for many many people.

[Transcribed from 60 Minutes interview aired 5/11/08, video below]

We reported on Saturday that Alec said he would consider running for office and said that “it’s something I might do one day.”

Baldwin laughed while he repeated the words of Hillary Clinton in 1998 in which she said there was a “Vast right-wing conspiracy” against her husband, President Bill Clinton. (This was when she tried to diffuse public perception of Lewinsky scandal before it was known that Bill was guilty as charged.)

He said that the conservatives are “after him” and that they “hate liberals.” As for his much-repeated statement that he would move out of the US if Bush was elected, he claims he didn’t say that. What he said was that it “might be a good time to leave” if Bush won, which he maintains is quite different:

On the vast right wing conspiracy against him

“They hate liberals who can throw a punch,” Baldwin tells Safer.

Asked who “they” are, Baldwin says, “They, yeah, this…they. The vast right wing conspiracy that’s after me…”

The right went wild when it was reported he said he’d move out of the country if George Bush were elected.

“I never said that,” Baldwin says. “I said, ‘It might be a good time to leave the country.’ There’s a big difference between that and promising to leave the country. And even if I did, who cares? What difference would that make in anyone lives, you know?”

“Your eloquence, if that’s the word, can get you into deep trouble,” Safer remarks.

“So I don’t make the eloquent point so eloquently, is that what you’re saying?” Baldwin asks.

“Or you make them perhaps excessively eloquent, as in your description of Dick Cheney, who you said was a sociopath and a terrorist. And you later apologized by just calling him a lying, thieving oil whore and a murderer of the U.S. Constitution,” Safer replies.

“You know, all the cameramen are cracking up. So, there is an audience out there. It may only be five or six men,” Baldwin says.

[From CBSNews.com]

A lot of people agree with Baldwin, and a lot of people think he should keep his mouth shut. Either way, he’s definitely a character. Baldwin is writing a book about divorce and parental alienation to help other men who are being shut out of their children’s lives by their ex wives. A possible career in politics may also be in his future. He’s sure to bring more of that spitfire personality to whatever he does, and it serves him well in his acting career but may be more of a liability in a public service role.

Alec on his voicemail message:

Alec on the vast right wing conspiracy against him:

Baldwin is shown in the header on 5/7/08 at the opening night of “Top Girls” thanks to WENN.

Many an actor has made a failed – and generally embarrassing – attempt at a second career. The most notorious examples of this generally involve anyone putting out an album. But here and there you find a failed clothing line or a ridiculous attempt at dancing. But once in a while, an actor successfully crosses over the threshold into a successful second career. And for whatever reason, they seem to have the most luck in politics. Probably because their egos serve them well in the political arena. Alec Baldwin gave an interview to 20/20 which airs this Sunday night, and in it he says he’s considering running for public office.

Alec Baldwin says he’s ready to be Mr. Nice Guy – and he’s mulling a run for public office. The Massapequa, L.I., entertainer, eldest of the four Baldwin brothers turned actors, says in an interview airing Sunday that politics looks appealing now that he’s turned the corner on 50. “There’s other things I want to do,” besides acting, the left-leaning performer tells CBS’ “60 Minutes.” “There’s no age limit on running for office, to a degree.” It is “something I might do one day,” he said.

Discussing his public divorce from Kim Basinger and the custody battle that led to an angry voicemail to daughter Ireland Eliesse, calling her “a thoughtless little pig,” Baldwin said he is learning something about tact. “You can pretty much bet all you own that I would never leave another voicemail message for my daughter that wasn’t just like something out of a Rodgers and Hammerstein score,” said the “30 Rock” actor.

Over the years, Baldwin has done little to hide his brand of politics. He has called Dick Cheney a terrorist, then said the vice president wasn’t a terrorist but rather “a lying, thieving oil whore and murderer of the U.S. Constitution.”

[From the New York Daily News]

I came down pretty hard on Alec after the whole calling his daughter a pig fiasco. But that was before I ever watched 30 Rock. And now that I’ve seen it, I can say that I really am spineless enough to love Alec Baldwin no matter what the hell he does. He’s THAT good in it. Rarely do I admit I am wrong, but he can call any kid any name he wants, for all I care. And I’m pretty sure if I’d turn this quickly just because he’s a good actor, there’s a pretty decent chance I’d vote for him too. Sad.

Header of Alec Baldwin attending the opening night of ‘Top Girls’ at the Biltmore Theatre in New York City on May 7th. Images thanks to WENN.

In the past I have gone off on Alec Baldwin a bit. A lot. A bit a lot. I really found that whole voice mail where he called his 11-year-old daughter a “vile little pig” totally disgusting – though a lot of people blamed his ex-wife Kim Basinger for releasing the message. Apparently Alec tried to quit “30 Rock,” saying that the negative press would affect the show. Producer Lorne Michaels refused to accepted his resignation. A lot of people said “Oh he’s so good on that show, you almost forget.” And I remember wondering what kind of delusional crazies could say that. Since then, I’ve started watching “30 Rock,” and all I can say is Alec Baldwin can call a 5 year old – whose house just burned down – every curse word in the book and I wouldn’t care – he’s fabulous! Yes, I can be won over with humorous acting. I’m delightfully cheap that way.

Alec’s career definitely didn’t take a permanent hit. It’s truly surprising. And in the spirit of the season, if the WGA strike isn’t resolved in time, Alec has written an article for the Huffington Post, inviting everyone over to his place, where he’ll be holding the Golden Globes.

The HFPA [Hollywood Foreign Press Association] makes only one simple request and that is that you pre-order your meal selection NO LATER than Friday, January 4th, 2008.

The choices are as follows: Tuna Salad, whitefish salad or egg salad (choice of one); Ham, turkey, bologna, swiss cheese (choice of two); Potato salad, macaroni salad, cole slaw (choice of two); Pickles, relish, mustard, mayo, rye bread…all complimentary.

Beverages are as follows: Liter of red or white wine or 6 (six) cold bottles of Amstel (promotional) complimentary. All other cocktails will be cash bar. (Sprite, Coke, Strawberry YooHoo and Diet Peach Snapple are complimentary)

A quick Red Carpet, hosted by Radioman, will be held at the parking lot of Tavern on the Green before we are all shuttled to my apartment building. ‘Round…5:30-ish? Sound okay? Looking forward to seeing you all on January 13th at my place.

[From the Huffington Post]

I have this sick feeling in my stomach… that I think… I think I might have a crush on Alec Baldwin now. Two kinds of side salads AND complimentary Diet Peach Snapple? I’m sorry, but this man is clearly after my heart. I’m totally going to show up to the Tavern on the Green parking lot. It’ll be me and eight other losers that didn’t get the joke. I have to say – if absolutely nothing else – the strike has brought about some pretty great jokes. We don’t hear much from the AMPTP [the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers] – at least in terms of funny skits or humorous write-ups, but those writers have come up with some good YouTube-age, and the out-of-work actors have put together some pretty funny commentaries too. Or in Alec Baldwin’s case, some lovely boxed sandwich lunches. Whatever keeps you busy.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s Alec Baldwin at the 13th Annual ArtWalk NY Auction to Benefit the Coalition for the Homeless on November 27th, along with Co-Chair of the Coalition for the Homeless Carey Lowell, Artist Honoree Donald Baechler, and actor and Co-Chair of the Coalition for the Homeless Richard Gere. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Who knew that Alec Baldwin cared about childhood obesity further than calling his young daughter a “vile little pig”? Turns out it’s an issue near and dear to Alec’s heart, and as a result he’s written a public letter to presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton, urging her to vote no on the massive $10 billion farm bill which is now before the senate. The bill subsidizes farmers who provide unhealthy foods to schools.

The “30 Rock” star wants the Democratic White House hopeful to vote “no” on the $10 billion farm bill, now before the Senate, that would give subsidies to farmers who provide cheese, sugar and other fattening foods to schools.

“As you are well aware, the epidemic of childhood obesity is worsening day by day, leading to higher risks of diabetes, heart disease and several forms of cancer,” the actor wrote Monday in a personal letter to Clinton and each of her fellow senators. “I know that you share my concern about this crucial issue. As a parent, I see firsthand the challenges of keeping children focused on healthful foods. These challenges are made all the more difficult by federal policies that keep high-cholesterol, high-sugar foods all too plentiful in schools. .. There has never been a more urgent time to take action.

[From the New York Daily News]

Alec Baldwin isn’t exactly someone I’d call in great shape. He’s not disgusting by any means, but I am a little surprised that he’s interested in this issue. It’s kind of like when Dr. Phil talks about his “Ultimate Weight Solution,” and you’re sitting there wondering why he hasn’t read his own book. Alec Baldwin’s situation isn’t to the same extent as Dr. Phil’s, but something tells me he’s been on the business end of a block of cheese on more than one occasion recently.

Baldwin has teamed up with the Committee for Responsible Medicine to encourage senators to vote no on the farm bill. When asked how he thought Hillary Clinton would vote, Kyle Ash, a spokesperson for the Physicians Committee said:

“I think she’s vacillating. I do think she’d like to vote for something healthier for kids, but the last time we met with her staff, they told us she was concerned about dairy farmers. Dairy is a big industry in New York. Clinton’s spokesman Philippe Reines told us: “Sen. Clinton has a strong and long record of promoting healthy foods for children, and has worked to strengthen programs that promote fruits and vegetables.”

[From the New York Daily News]

Dairy may be a big important industry for New York, but childhood obesity is at epidemic proportions there. I’d never seen so many chubby little kids until I moved to Brooklyn. And I don’t say that in a mean way; I was always the chubby kid in class (but I was also 5 feet tall on the first day of third grade, you know how kids’ bodies fluctuate). It’s just startling and worrisome to look around and see what appears to be a quarter of the kids on the subway sporting huge round bellies. I’m not sure that voting against the farm bill will make a big difference though. It seems like there’s a lot of issues that need to be tackled, starting with better nutrition and exercise at home, and getting rid of vending machines in schools. I really don’t think too much cheese is the issue. Though I find it kind of bizarre that Alec Baldwin has thrown his weight around (so to speak) on this issue, if it helps get some needed attention, more power to them all.

Father of the Year contender and rageaholic Alec Baldwin has jumped on the “Save your career by promoting a cause” bandwagon, and he’s picked the noblest one out there: the manatee. That’s right; natures’ best loved boulder-with-a-face-looking sea creature now has Alec Baldwin’s sponsorship. I wonder if that’s like sponsoring a child where they write you a letter every month to let you know how they’re doing.

“The actor and producer has recorded two 30-second public service announcements for the Save the Manatee Club. The animals are on the federal endangered species list and at risk of being seriously injured or killed by boat strikes.

“The Save the Manatee Club has a history of famous promoters. It was founded by musician Jimmy Buffett and former Florida governor and U.S. Sen. Bob Graham in 1981.

“And this isn’t the first time Baldwin has taken action for the animals. In 2005, Baldwin voiced a marine biologist character on ‘The Simpsons’ that was passionate about manatees.

“Baldwin’s recordings were sent to radio stations nationwide Tuesday.”

[From the Herald Tribune]

I remember just a few months ago when some of Alec Baldwin’s other recordings went to radio stations nationwide. They seemed to get a lot more attention though… I think that time he was promoting pigs. The guy just can’t decide what his favorite animal is. Do you think the manatees want to be associated with this whack job? Hey Alec Baldwin, how about instead of saving the manatees, you just be decent to your kid. That’s enough for me. Though next time he calls his daughter a “vile little pig” she can legitimately call him a “wicked giant sea cow.” I’m not hating on the manatees at all. I feel badly for them. They’re my favorite car-sized animal.

Update by Celebitchy: Thanks to reader Lippy for pointing out that Baldwin appeared on a Simpson’s episode, “The Bonfire of the Manatees” in September, 2005, in which he played a scientist (not himself) working to save the manatees.

Manatee image from Sea World San Diego Manatee Rescue via About.com. Alec Baldwin image thanks to PRPhotos.