If you have children, you were probably subjected to Nickelodeon’s 25th Annual Kid’s Choice Awards ceremony on Saturday night. You have my sincerest condolences. I, too, had to watch, and it was often eyeroll-inducing: lame banter between celebrity presenters; boring and unfunny “behind the scenes” skits; stupid slime stunts that dragged out the show even longer and wayyyy too much Disney product, in the form of Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers. Miley Cyrus won favorite female television star and favorite female musical artist, much to my daughter’s delight.

There were a few bright spots in the broadcast, including host Jack Black’s over-the-top opening musical number, in which he wore a bright green superhero costume and rocked out with a giant octopus playing guitar to the Kiss song “I Was Made for Loving You,” with the lyrics changed to “I Was Made for Sliming You.” (In my opinion, Black was the only funny, high-energy part of the show and should have been allowed to riff and get crazy even more.) The theme of each Kids’ Choice Awards, you see, is that celebs and kids in the audience get buckets of green slime poured on their heads at random moments. Slimed celebs included Harrison Ford, who recreated a famous scene from “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” which concluded with him being covered in green slime. Other mildly amusing segments included a celebrity belching contest that featured Jodie Foster attempting to burp along to the song “YMCA.”

All in all, the show had the same problems as most other awards shows: it went on too long, there was too much unfunny dialog, and the host didn’t get enough chances to do what he does best. But if you are at all interested in the winners, here they are.

Favorite TV Show: Drake and Josh
Favorite Reality Show: American Idol
Favorite TV Actor: Drake Bell (from Drake and Josh)
Favorite TV Actress: Miley Cyrus
Favorite Cartoon: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Favorite Movie: Alvin and the Chipmunks
Favorite Movie Actor: Johnny Depp
Favorite Movie Actress: Jessica Alba
Favorite Animated Movie: Ratatouille
Favorite Animated Voice: Eddie Murphy (Shrek The Third)
Favorite Music Group: The Jonas Brothers
Favorite Song: “Girlfriend” by Avril Lavigne
Favorite Female Singer: Miley Cyrus
Favorite Male Singer: Chris Brown
Favorite Male Athlete: Tony Hawk
Favorite Female Athlete: Danica Patrick
Favorite Book: Harry Potter Series
Favorite Video Game: Madden NFL 2008
Wannabe Award: Cameron Diaz

If anything, the Kids’ Choice Awards gives parents a glimpse into the music, movies, and other pop culture their kids like– which should scare the crap out of you. I know I had a hard time sleeping knowing that the youth of America wants to be just like Cameron Diaz.

There were some doozies last night at the Emmys, with Ellen Pompeo taking the crown for worst hair and makeup in a poofy updo with 60s eye makeup and pale lips. Her dress wasn’t that bad, but the gold braided accessories just added to her dated, goofy look. Hayden Panetteire of Heroes wore a peach Marc Bouwer dress made of yards of fabric. She could have smuggled a sibling into the event under that dress. The top featured a brassiere with swirled design accented by a giant broach. An apt commentor on Just Jared said it was “a bad pregnant prom dress.”

Jennifer Morrison of House tried too hard in a silver one-shoulder flapper dress slit to the upper thigh that had too many pieces accented by thick lines and somehow managed to make the slender actress look like she had a tummy. It was pretty from the waist up, but it was too complicated overall. She almost didn’t make this list, as it’s not a terrible dress. Update: After seeing more pictures of Morrison’s dress, she definitely wasn’t one of the worst dressed and doesn’t deserve to be on this list. It only looked poorly cut from certain angles.

America Fererra, Eva Longoria, and Mary Louise-Parker all made Yahoos! best dressed top ten, but I thought their dresses were unflattering. Ferrerra usually looks gorgeous, but her Monique Lhuillier dress wasn’t cut well for her figure and I don’t like the weird spangly belt. Eva Longoria looked arrogant without reason as usual in a beaded Kaufman Franco that made her boobs look like tennis balls. She paired the silver dress with weird plain tan flats heels that look suited to a day at a country club, not an awards show. Mary Louise-Parker wore a red strapless gown that was decent, but the piece at the bottom flared out oddly and it was too tight all over.

Poor newly single Jenna Fischer of The Office looked ridiculous in a gray dress with gold leaves all over it and a big ‘ol bow underneath a strange gold braided belt. Just Jared quotes her as saying “I had to wear something that wouldn’t hurt my back,” as if trying to excuse her awful choice.

Mark Wahlberg’s wife, Rhea Durham, wore a peach cap-sleeve dress with a beaded top in a nipple-look starburst pattern and long skirt. I’ve seen it before, I’m trying to remember on whom, in another color. (On Mischa Barton at the Dead Man’s Chest Pirate’s premiere, thanks Katie for the tip.) It wasn’t as unattractive in the other color from what I remember.

Edie Falco’s dress was too tight but would have been passable if it wasn’t for all the black and white beaded flowers scattered on it. The random pattern of the beading makes them look like mistakes that you want to pick off, as if she was hit by a wind filled with sticky little daisies.

This Week’s National Enquirer has a story about how 23 year-old America Ferrera has lost weight, and if you compare pictures of her recently with those from several months ago, she seems to have lost about 10-15 pounds and she’s looking great. She doesn’t look like a stick though, and she certainly doesn’t look like she does on the new cover of Glamour Magazine.

Remember when Faith Hill was airbrushed to hell on the cover of Redbook? She looked great before, at a healthy low weight with some minor eye wrinkles. On the cover of Redbook herarms were made to look even thinner and her face was given virtual plastic surgery.

Jennifer Hudson made history as a rare full-figured woman on the cover of the march issue of Vogue, but many bloggers and commentors pointed out that her pictures, taken at the Apollo theater by Annie Liebovitz, were unflattering. She was bending over with her mouth hanging open and baring her cleavage on the cover.

At least Ferrera’s boobs aren’t made the emphasis of this cover, but it looks like her skinny younger cousin, not her. Features listed on the cover of the magazine include “101 ways to dress your body better” and “the secret reasons women gain weight” as if it’s something we’re all striving for behind closed doors. They also declare that it’s the “1st Annual Figure-Flattery Issue!” They sure flattered Ferrera’s figure with the clone and airbrush tools.

Women are told to work with their curvier figures and dress sexy, but the real message is that we’re not acceptable unless we’re a size six or below. Even gorgeous famous women can’t make it on the cover of magazines unless they’re heavily edited.

Oh and America is said to have lost weight the old fashioned way with exercise and by eating more vegetables. She didn’t starve herself, but surely the fashion magazines would have preferred it if she did.

The big upset at last night’s 64th annual Golden Globe awards was Ugly Betty’s America Ferrerra winning in the best actress in a comedy category against four other women who had all been nominated before. Ferrerra beat out Marcia Cross and Felicity Huffman of Desperate Housewives, Julia Louis-Dreyfus from The New Adventures Of Old Christine and Mary-Louise Parker of Weeds.

Ugly Betty also took home the Globe for best Comedy series. Other nominees in the category were Desperate Housewives, Entourage, The Office and Weeds.

The best actor in a drama was my husband’s favorite, Hugh Laurie of House. He beat out Micheal C. Hall in Dexter, Patrick Dempsey of Grey’s Anatomy, Bill Paxton in Big Love and Kiefer Sutherland of 24.

Grey’s Anatomy received the Globe for best drama, against Heroes, Big Love, 24 and Lost.

Here’s the full list of winners:

Series, Drama: “Grey’s Anatomy,” ABC

Actress, Drama: Kyra Sedgwick, “The Closer”

Actor, Drama: Hugh Laurie, “House”

Series, Musical or Comedy: “Ugly Betty,” ABC

Actress, Musical or Comedy: America Ferrera, “Ugly Betty”

Actor, Musical or Comedy: Alec Baldwin, “30 Rock”

Miniseries or movie: “Elizabeth I,” HBO

Actress, Miniseries or Movie: Helen Mirren, “Elizabeth I”

Actor, Miniseries or Movie: Bill Nighy, “Gideon’s Daughter”

Supporting Actress, Series, Miniseries or Movie: Emily Blunt, “Gideon’s Daughter”

Supporting Actor, Series, Miniseries or Movie: Jeremy Irons, “Elizabeth I”

Cecil B. DeMille Award: Warren Beatty

You can view the nominations to see who lost in each category.

Here are some pictures of America Ferrarra, found at Gossip Rocks. More pictures from the Globes will be up momentarily.