Not to get too political on here (some of you like the variety, but a bunch of you yell at me too…) but Iran’s super-controversial president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad spoke at Columbia University in New York City last Wednesday. The event was incredibly controversial – Ahmadinejad has been a longtime denier of the Holocaust. A lot of people thought he shouldn’t be allowed to speak by Columbia, while just as many people made the argument that in America, people generally have the right to say whatever they want, even if others don’t agree, and that’s a good value to show the rest of the world. Both of the arguments make sense to me in their way. During his speech, Ahmadinejad was heckled and several other speakers were really harsh to him – which was totally fair, because he got to speak his nutball views, and people got to respond. That’s the flip side of the whole freedom of speech thing – it applies to pretty much everyone. Ahmadinejad didn’t like that, and reminded the audience that that type of behavior wasn’t allowed in Iran. Ummm… well dude, you’re not in Iran. We let you come here and say things we consider stupid, so the way it works is that we then get to say things you consider stupid. See how we all win? Ahmadinejad claimed in his speech that there aren’t gay people in Iran, noting: “In Iran, we don’t have homosexuals like in your country. We don’t have that in our country. In Iran, we do not have this phenomenon. I do not know who has told you that we have it.” Um, right. Well just because they don’t over-pluck their eyebrows and wear a lot of pink doesn’t mean you don’t have a couple of gays chilling in your hood, dude.

This past Saturday, comedic genius, “Saturday Night Live” cast member, and my future husband Andy Samberg responded to Ahmadinejad’s claims with one of his most inspired songs to date. Samberg is the lyrical mastermind behind SNL’s Emmy Award winning “Dick in a Box” and “Lazy Sunday.”

“Andy Samberg, Adam Levine and Jake Gyllenhaal lampooned Holocaust-denying, homosexual-decrying Iran president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad on ‘Saturday Night Live’ this week.

“Samberg performed a hilarious R&B love song titled ‘I Ran’ in homage to the Iranian president (played by Fred Armisen), featuring lyrics like, ‘You ain’t wrong to me, so strong to me. You belong to me, like a very hairy Jake Gyllenhaal to me.’

“Meanwhile, Maroon 5 frontman Adam Levine gamely lent an overemotive chorus to the video, crooning, ‘And I raaaaan, I ran so far away. Because you’re home, in my heart you’ll stay…’

“The 29-year-old SNL funnyman took a shot at the statement in his serenade, singing, ‘I know you say that there are no gays in Iran, but you’re in New York now, baby!’

“Also up for ridicule was the president’s assertion that the Holocaust is “a myth.” Samberg tones, ‘You can deny the Holocaust all you want, but you can’t deny that there’s something between us.’

“At the end of the video, the real Gyllenhaal pops up for a cameo, fluffing his beard and flashing the double peace sign as the crowd bursts into laughter.”

[From Us Weekly]

Watch the video for comedic gold.

Justin Timberlake has been forced (forced I tell you!) to cancel two of his upcoming shows due to vocal strain. Apparently touring for several months straight has hurt his vocal cords. This seems to be a fairly common problem for performers, which always makes me wonder why they don’t schedule more time in between each show to rest. If I made the kind of money Justin makes, I’d wrap my throat in a warm velvet pillow soaked in honey at all times. They say honey is good for the throat. I’m guessing if it’s good in it, then it’s good on it, too. Though that might just be because I want to put honey on Justin Timberlake. Moving on.

“Justin Timberlake has been ordered to rest his voice.

“Timberlake’s strained voice is the result of his performance Sunday at MTV’s Video Music Awards in Las Vegas and months of touring, Jive Records said in a statement Tuesday.

“A doctor ordered several days of vocal rest for Timberlake, forcing the 26-year-old singer to miss shows in Sacramento, Calif., on Monday and San Jose, Calif., on Wednesday.

“Tour promoter AEG Live has rescheduled the shows for Sept. 23 in San Jose and Sept. 25 in Sacramento. Timberlake wraps up his FutureSex/LoveShow tour this month.”

[From the Washington Post]

That sucks, though that still leaves Emmy night free, thank God. Even though I previously reported/hailed that Timberlake and Andy Samberg were going to sing “Dick in a Box” at the Emmys, details have still not been finalized. The pair won a Creative Arts Emmy in the “Original Music and Lyrics” category this past weekend (see, there is a reason for the Junior Emmys after all!) at which point Andy Samberg said the pair haven’t even been asked to perform the song yet. It’s possible the original E! News story was wrong, but it’s also possible Samberg was just grumpily saying that they haven’t been asked – a lot of sources beyond E! have been reporting that the pair were asked to perform, but ran into a snag, refusing to censor the lyrics. Fight the power! Unless it means you can’t perform at all, then compromise it all so we have a reason to watch the Emmys!

“An off-color ‘Saturday Night Live’ video featuring Justin Timberlake and strategically placed gift boxes was honored at the Creative Arts Emmy Awards.

‘(Blank) in a Box,’ last December’s fake music video performed by Timberlake and ‘SNL’ cast member Andy Samberg, is about wrapping a part of the male anatomy and presenting it to a loved one as a holiday present.

“‘I think it’s safe to say that when we first set out to make this song, we were all thinking Emmy!’ Samberg said in accepting the award Saturday for best original music and lyrics. ‘The other thing we were thinking was, “Hey! Here’s this young up and comer, Justin Timberlake, who is clearly very talented and could clearly use a break,”’ Samberg said. ‘So, Justin, if you’re out there, congrats to you, kid.’ Timberlake was elsewhere Saturday: He had a concert scheduled in Tacoma, Wash. But his tour takes him to Los Angeles on Primetime Emmys night, raising the possibility he could perform ‘Box’ at the ceremony.

“As Samberg arrived at the creative arts awards, he told The Associated Press that he had yet to be asked by the TV academy to perform the song with Timberlake on the Fox broadcast - but he was willing, he said.”

[From the Associated Press]

I pray to all deities that Andy Samberg is just being coy. If I have led any of you astray, I apologize. Awards shows annoy the crap out of me (on principle – you’re acting, people, not moving mountains) and I think “Dick in a Box” is the only thing that can get me through. I’m not one for censorship, but couldn’t they just say “Junk in a Box”? It’s better than no box at all, am I right? The Emmy people can’t possibly want Samberg and Timberlake to censor more than that, otherwise you’d take away from the very essence, the very “boxiness,” of the song. Whether you’re religious, spiritual, or whatever, I ask you, dear readers, to pray to your deity/non-deity/animal of choice that this song will be performed on Emmy night. If not, I will walk around New York with a box taped to my crotch until Christmas.

Picture note by JayBird:

Here’s Andy Samberg with Maya Rudolph at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony. Images thanks to PR Photos.

It’s August 30th, which means there’s only 116 days left ‘till Christmas, so we best whip out the “Dick in a Box” video again. It’s like Christmas in July, but we’re on the quarter system here. It turns out that there actually is a real – and wonderful – reason to tune into the Emmys this year: Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake will be performing their (now) classic holiday song “Dick in a Box.” It’s right up there with “God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen” now. The lyrically gifted song - a Freudian lovefest and feminist nightmare – is nominated in the Original Music and Lyrics category. But it turns out there’s a bit of controversy of the lyrics – I have no idea why.

“Justin Timberlake doesn’t want to cover up his ‘Dick’ at the Emmys. As I first reported, Timberlake and Andy Samberg are said to be in talks to perform their Saturday Night Live skit ‘Dick in a Box’ at the Primetime Emmys Sept. 16. A source reports that things may have hit a snag because the show’s producers have apparently asked Timberlake and Samberg to change the words of the racy ditty to make it more family friendly. The ceremony airs on Fox at 8 p.m.

“I’m told the singer and the actor have balked at the request. When the holiday-themed skit debuted on SNL in December, the word ‘dick’ was bleeped out 16 times. The skit features Timberlake and Samberg bearing gifts attached to their man parts while crooning to their ladies. The funny thing is that if the Emmys performance were to occur, it’s possible Timberlake and Samberg could have already been named winners by that time, since ‘Dick in a Box’ is nominated for Original Music and Lyrics. It goes up against Family Guy’s ‘My Drunken Irish Dad,’ MADtv’s ‘Merry Ex-Mas’ and double-nominee Scrubs for ‘Guy Love’ and ‘Everything Comes Down to Poo.’ The Original Music and Lyrics award will be bestowed Sept. 8 at the Creative Arts Emmy ceremony, a week before the Primetime Emmys.

[From E! News]

Oh man, I think I just found my dream Emmy category. As much as I love “Family Guy” more than any other show, and admire any song titled “Everything Comes Down to Poo” (because it’s both funny and true) “Dick in a Box” is infinitely better than all the rest. I’ll even dare to say that it’s the greatest 3 minutes of singing ever put on television. Don’t challenge me on this, I will hear no arguments. The song, inspired by ’90s R&B bands, is lyrically genius, as it explains the male psyche more succinctly than any psychologist ever could. It also sounds oddly like most of *Nsync’s Christmas CD - not that I’ve ever heard it, nor do I own it, nor do I play it from the day after Thanksgiving through January 1st – which is okay, because there’s a New Years song on there. Let’s pray that the FOX sensors back down (it’s not like it’s Cock in a Box… thought that’d be funny too) and our television screens are graced with a live performance this September 16th.

Here’s the video one more time, because you know you wanted to watch it again, and were about to head over to YouTube anyway.