Mother of God. I’m going to try to keep this one on topic, just so I don’t start pulling out my hair and chugging Jack Daniels from the bottle. The National Enquirer (story via Showbiz Spy) is reporting that Angelina Jolie wants to adopt and raise a child with her brother, James Haven. The same brother that she kissed on the mouth at the 2000 Oscar ceremony. The same brother that she said she was “so in love with”. The same brother who had to formally deny an incestuous relationship with his sister. The same brother with a “Shiloh” license plate. Yes, that James Haven.

Apparently, this all stems from Brad’s “ban” on Angelina adopting or getting pregnant for a year. So Angelina’s solution is, of course, to adopt a baby with her brother, and raise that child with her other children. So, just one shot of Jack Daniels, or should I make it a double? The Enquirer’s “sources” have little punches that contribute to the image of Angelina-Zombie Hungry For More Babies. Stuff like “She wants to help unwanted children NOW” and “Angie tends to find a way to get what she wants — and she wants more babies.” Must. Have. Delicious. Babies.

Here’s a rumor that’ll have you questioning your own existence: Angelina Jolie wants to raise a child with her brother!

According to the National Enquirer, [sic: Editor's note, this story appeared in Globe print edition, 4/27/09] Jolie is keen for the openly-gay James Haven to adopt a baby — and she’ll help raise it alongside her existing brood of six.

So, it’s not that bad, right?

Apparently Jolie is keen for her brother to adopt because her partner, Brad Pitt, has banned her — for one-year — from having another kid.

“This latest bombshell has really infuriated Brad,” said one insider. “Anyone would feel betrayed by the woman he loves going behind his back. If this isn’t resolved soon, friends fear it could spell the end.”

“The subject of adopting more child has been rife for months,” the source adds. “Brad feels they need time together as a family, which makes Angie very resentful. She wants to help unwanted children NOW.”

“Brad wants to do a movie in Brazil in the summer, let their baby twins get comfortable with their siblings, then consolidate the family before jumping back into adoption.”

“It’s causing huge conflict with her and Brad and has triggered huge screaming matches.”

“Now Angie’s urging her brother to adopt. And he doesn’t have to worry about being a single dad because she’ll co-parent with him. Angie tends to find a way to get what she wants — and she wants more babies.’”

So, make of that you will.

[From Showbiz Spy]

I’d always assumed James Haven was gay (he beeped on my gaydar long, long ago) but I’ve never heard that Haven was or is “openly gay”. He seems more like quietly fabulous, but that’s just me. So, is this going to be the next big Angelina conspiracy? Oh my God, Angelina is leaving Brad to have babies with her gay brother! This will out-do those blood vial comments, I bet. I’m going to pour myself a shot and wait for the comments!

Update by Celebitchy: ShowbizSpy states that this story originated in The National Enquirer, but that’s not true. I just finished reading the National Enquirer’s latest edition and I read it in full every week and never saw this story. My friend Sammie let me know that it’s in last week’s edition of Globe.

Here are Angelina and James at the infamous kissing Oscars. Header of them picking up Maddox from school on May 11th, 2007. Images thanks to WENN.com .

In Touch Weekly’s cover story this week is called “Brad Moves Out”. Gee, I wonder what it’s about? The “moving out” story (via Showbiz Spy) is apparently based on last week’s story of Brad jetting off to France for a few days before Easter. Because, yes, in Tabloidville, going to France for a few days is “Moving Out”.

In Touch doubles down on the moving out story, saying that Brad and Angelina’s recent trip to a Long Island grocery story was just a public relations move – they “can turn it on for the cameras most of the time”. So, you see, the rumors of a split started because they hadn’t been photographed together for a couple of months, and now that they’re photographed together, it’s “all for the cameras”. The tabloids get them coming and going:

Relations between Hollywood couple Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are at an all time low — but the two are putting on a show of unity for the cameras.

“Sure, they look happy in photos,” a source tells In Touch Weekly magazine. “They are actors and can turn it on for the cameras most of the time.

“The cracks in their relationship are getting deeper and deeper.”

The couple — who raise six children together — apparently had an argument just before Easter, which is said to have resulted in Brad storming out of their rented Long Island, New York, mansion.

“He told her very clearly that he just can’t live with her anymore,” the source added. “He said it was over. He was like, ‘I’m outta here,’ and left.”

It was recently claimed that Jolie had offered Pitt $90 million for custody of their kids.

From Showbiz Spy

As far as the claim that Angelina offered Brad $90 million for the kids, it just seems too absurd. In the first place, Angelina doesn’t have that kind of money. Brad does – Angelina doesn’t. Secondly, Angelina wouldn’t take away the kids, not even if they split. Those kids love their father, and what would taking the kids away accomplish?

For people who have been consistent gossip readers for years, this all has a summer 2007 feel to it. That was the time when every tabloid and site were piling on Brangelina, claiming all kinds of crazy things about their demise. Why do the tabloids do it? Is it low circulation? Declining readership? Do they think these split stories are what people want to hear?

My mother is going to be pissed. She reads Patricia Cornwell’s books religiously, and one of her favorite fictional heroines is Dr. Kay Scarpetta. My mother also has mixed feelings about Angelina Jolie (“I think she’s a good person, but screwed up in the head,” my mother always tells me), so she probably won’t be thrilled to learn that Angelina has just signed on to play Dr. Scarpetta. Entertainment Weekly has confirmed the news, and they’re saying that the film won’t be based on any one certain Cornwell book, but will likely be based on “the series”. The film is in the first stages – they don’t even have a screenplay, so it will likely be a year before principal photography even begins.

Angelina Jolie has signed on to portray crime novelist Patricia Cornwell’s heroine Dr. Kay Scarpetta in a forthcoming movie from Twentieth Century Fox and its Fox 2000 division. The screenplay will be based on Cornwell’s bestselling Scarpetta series of books, about the beautiful, hard-charging medical examiner who solves crimes, but it will not be focused on any one specific novel. The project has yet to hire a screenwriter or a director. Mark Gordon and Geyer Kosinski will produce.

From Entertainment Weekly

Though my mom has tried to get me into the Cornwell books, I’ve never really felt the need to start in on a new series. I already read the Kinsey Millhone, Alex Delaware and Stephanie Plum serials by Sue Grafton, Jonathan Kellerman and Janet Evanovich! So, basically, I have no idea if Angelina is a good choice for the character of Dr. Kay. From what I remember of my mom’s description, Dr. Kay is tough, smart and super-professional. She’s like CSI-meets-Bones-meets-Tomb Raider, perchance? Damn, now I’m going to have to borrow my mother’s Cornwell books.

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are shown at the German premiere of Benjamin Button on 1/19/09. Credit: WENN.com

People Magazine is known as the go-to celebrity mouthpiece. Whenever a celebrity wants to get out an official version of a story, they go to the gold standard, People. Not that People Magazine doesn’t occasionally take sides – they memorably took sides against Balthazar Getty and Sienna Miller by posting several stories that seemed to have been written by Balthazar’s estranged wife Rosetta Getty. They also beat up on Madonna during her divorce to Guy Ritchie. But for the most part, People does try to stay firmly ensconced within the derrieres of celebrities.

This People story “Brad and Angelina: Fact or Fiction” reeks of Angelina calling up an editor and saying “Hey, can you refute some of this crap? Okay, thanks!” They run down several of the rumors (but not all) that have been surrounding Brangelina the past couple of months. They’ve got the liquid diet rumor, the adoption and pregnancy rumors and, just for fun, the rumors about all of those Long Island sightings.

The Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie rumor mill has been churning overtime lately. Here’s a quick rundown of some of the stories making the rounds – and whether they’re fact or fiction:

Liquid Diet? Rumor: Angelina is on a liquid diet that has caused her to shed so much weight that she recently passed out on a film set. Truth: “Angie is very happy and healthy,” says a source close to the actress. False

Adopting again? Rumor: Angelina and Brad are adding to their family, this time adopting in the Philippines. Truth: Another non-starter, fresh on the heels of erroneous reports the couple were adopting in India. False

Pregnant? Rumor: Brad and Angelina are expecting another child. Truth: Their twins, Viv and Knox don’t turn 1 until July. False

Suburban Sprawl? Rumor: Now living on New York’s Long Island, the glamour couple now frequent such places as Dunkin’ Donuts. Truth: Yep, they’re living a quiet life these days and were recently spotted grocery shopping at Stop & Shop. True

[From People Magazine]

I would like to see the “fact or fiction” version of some of the crazy internet and tabloid reports. Like, whatever happened with that nanny Brad was allegedly sexing up? What about that solo trip to France that he took? And what about those constant rumors that Empress Zahara is going to rule the world? Why won’t People Magazine confirm that?

Here are Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are shown at the Paris premiere of “Benjamin Button” on January 22nd. Images thanks to WENN.com .

Angelina out with the girls on 2/18/09. Credit: WENN.com

Brangelina has materialized in Long Island again. This, after scattered reports of a rendezvous at Dunkin Donuts, a casual report of a book store visit, and the collective swooning of dressed-up Long Island mothers for Brad “Mr. Mom” Pitt. So was this a dangerous liaison amongst the yogurt? Alas, ‘twas not to be – young Zahara and Shiloh joined Brad and Angelina for the Stop & Shop grocery store jaunt.

You know Princess Zahara made the grocery list. She probably sat her parents down and was like, “This is what we need, write whatever I say… Coco Puffs… tuna… skim milk… cookies…” The grocery store visit lasted 30 minutes – pretty quick, considering they were buying for a family of eight. Princess Zahara’s list must have been organized by aisle.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie hit up a suburban grocery store with two of their kids Saturday afternoon, a Stop & Shop employee tells Usmagazine.com.

“They were here for 30 minutes and left,” Monira Ahmed, who works in customer service, tells Us of the pair — who are staying on New York’s Long Island while she films thriller Salt.

“They were very friendly,” continues Ahmed of the couple, who were joined by Zahara, 4, and Shiloh, 2. “They gave autographs and allowed people to take pictures of them inside…very nice.”

Jolie was dressed down and “looked ordinary — not too much makeup. They were simple and humble.”

Pitt — who donned a newsboy cap — pushed the cart while Jolie followed behind them as they shopped in the produce, fish and meat sections, Ahmed says.

From US Magazine

Good Lord, people were getting Brangelina autographs at the Stop & Shop? What the Long Island son of a …? Best grocery store visit ever. You know at least one person probably grabbed the closest piece of paper handy for them to sign… and it was like Star Magazine or Us Weekly. Somebody should put that on eBay, a signed copy of Star’s “Angelina’s pregnant to keep Brad from sexy nannies” issue. And notice Brad was still wearing the damn newsboy cap. Enough with the cap, Brad!

Angelina Jolie is reportedly in “serious talks” to star in Sin City 2, the sequel that will just not get off the ground. Ever since the first Sin City was released to critical acclaim and box office success in 2005, the sequel has been talked about and theorized on. The director, Robert Rodriguez, claimed that the next film would be based on Frank Miller’s “A Dame To Kill For”, with Angelina as his first choice to play Ava Lord, the ex-lover of Clive Owen’s Dwight McCarthy.

Angelina has been rumored to be in and out of the production for about three years, and for a while there a couple of other actresses seemed to have the role nailed down. Part of the problem may have been Robert Rodriguez’s – allegedly, he wanted to do several other film projects before the Sin City sequel.

It’s been a while since Angelina Jolie last talked to us about possibly playing Ava Lord in Sin City 2 (December 2006) but now Moviehole is reporting the rumor that talks are heating up once again for her to play the character in the sequel based on Frank Miller’s “A Dame to Kill For.”

According to a rather high-profile producer friend, Angelina Jolie is now in “serious talks” – as opposed to merely being mentioned as a possibility, or having a casual coffee with the filmmakers to suss out her interest – to star in director Robert Rodroguez’s “Sin City 2.”

In the graphic novel, Ava is an ex-lover of Dwight McCarthy (Clive Owen) who manipulates men through her good looks and her supposed innocence.

Dimension Films has not announced a start date for the Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller sequel yet.

[From Coming Soon]

I can just hear the cries of typecasting with that line, “[she] manipulates men through her good looks and her supposed innocence.” But Angelina would own a part like that, wouldn’t she? Another potential plus for both Robert Rodriguez and Angelina would be a limited film shoot. Rodriguez filmed the first Sin City almost exclusively with green screens, so Angelina would only need to film her part over the course of a few weeks, max. And she could reunite with Clive Owen! Any Clive Owen news is good news, as far as I’m concerned.

In other vaguely Angelina-related news, Zac Efron talked about Jolie while he appeared on Jimmy Kimmel’s show. Efron has met Angelina on a few red carpets, and she always intimidates him. That’s the story. Boring, right? Like Zac just wanted his name and Angelina’s name in the same gossip reports.

High School Musical star Zac Efron dreads running into Angelina Jolie on the red carpet – because he gets tongue-tied whenever he is around the Hollywood beauty.

The 21-year-old has met the Tomb Raider star on several occasions and admits he always gets embarrassed when she tries to strike up a conversation with him.

He says, “(I always) screw up. I don’t know why. It’s just awkward. I can’t really explain it. Last time I saw her was at the Oscars. She asked how I was doing. I said, ‘Thank you’ then turned around and walked away. Everyone started laughing and pointing at me.”

[From Contact Music]

Perhaps people were just pointing and laughing at Zac’s hair? Whenever I see a picture of him, I kind of want to point and laugh. The hair is insane. And you can tell he spends so much time and effort to get it like that. Instead of looking tousled and effortless, his hair looks like a beautifully maintained toupee.

Here is Angelina with some of the kids in New Orleans on October 6th and 7th. Images thanks to BauerGriffinOnline.

Another tabloid, another Brangelina split story. This one centers on a trip Brad Pitt took to France last week. Brad flew to Marseilles alone, leaving Angelina and the kids in New York. In Touch Weekly even has a quote from an airport employee, “What could he be doing in France that’s so important that he couldn’t be with his kids?” Thank you, humble airport employee, for chiming in. Now I’m wondering if every airport employee thinks it’s somehow sketchy when someone is flying alone. Like, “Why is that man carrying a briefcase and flying to Chicago? Doesn’t he have children?”

So, why was Brad flying alone? According to In Touch, the formal reason was to check on renovations to their castle. Of course. That’s the excuse I always use. Nevermind that they’re only renting the French castle, so Brad doesn’t really have the right to make renovations. Why ruin a good cover story?

But of course, Brad really left town because he “needed time away” from Angelina. You see, things haven’t been great between Angelina and Brad. The tabloids know this because “the couple hasn’t been seen together publicly since February 25”. Because that’s how it works in tabloid-ville. If you haven’t been photographed together for a few weeks, then you’re splitting up.

After having a heated argument with Angelina Jolie shortly before Easter, Brad flew thousands of miles away to Marseilles – alone.

“What could he be doing in France that’s so important that he couldn’t be with his kids?” airport employee Marie LeGrand, who spotted Brad on April 9, tells In Touch.

According to a friends, Brad’s excuse to Angelina was that he needed to check on renovations being done at Chateau Miraval, their $70 million mansion near Aix-en-Provence. But privately, Brad confided to the friend that he needed space “and time away from her.”

As In Touch has reports, Brad, 45, and Angelina, 33, are fighting so much that they aren’t even sleeping in the same bed. And the couple hasn’t been seen together publicly since February 25, when they took their kids to see The Lion King in New York City. “That must be very confusing for the children,” Dr. Gilda Carle, author of the new e-book 99 Prescriptions for Fidelity tells In Touch. “All of this instability is unhealthy. They need to see their parents together.”

Brad is becoming more disconnected from Angie every day. She’s been busy filming Salt in New York, but in the rare moments she is home, “She scream nonstop at him,” a pal reveals.

Brad resents her because he’s been playing Mr. Mom to Maddox, 7, Pax, 5, Zahara, 4, Shiloh, 2, and twins Vivenne and Knox, 9 months, for the last six weeks. “He’s absolutely burned out,” his close friend explains. “And he’s tired of picking up the slack for Angelina.” But Dr. Gilda says that running away is never the answer: “They have to communicate their feelings” before it’s too late.

[From In Touch Weekly print edition, April 27 2009]

One of my biggest peeves about tabloid reporting, and for that matter, the “medical” community, is the habit of bringing in a “doctor” to chime in about what’s wrong with a celebrity they haven‘t treated. It’s unethical for the doctor, and perverse and cheap for the tabloid. And did anyone else pick out the flaw in this good doctor’s logic? Dr. Gilda Carle says about Angelina and Brad not being photographed together, “That must be very confusing for the children… All of this instability is unhealthy. They need to see their parents together.” So, if Brad and Angelina aren’t photographed together by paparazzi, their kids must not be seeing them together anywhere. A-plus, Dr. Gilda, you moron.

Obviously, this isn’t the first time the tabloids have all joined together to declare an end to Brangelina. The biggest pile-on was the summer of 2007, when every tabloid was declaring the couple were splitsville. As it turned out, they were fine. Is the split actually the case this time? My opinion is no, but I’m sure a lot of people will buy into it hook, line and stinker.

Here’s Brad Pitt at JFK airport on April 8th on his way to catch an Air France flight. Images thanks to BauerGriffinOnline.

There’s a minor juicy gossip draught, so expect the tabloids to run with a lot of same Brangelina rumors that they’ve been reporting for years. This one is no different: according to the National Enquirer, not only are Brad and Angelina headed for a split, but their relationship problems have brought her closer to her father, Jon Voight. These stories are sort of like Mad Libs – but only the verbs change.

First, the split rumors. Brad is blaming Angelina for “neglecting him in favor of their six kids and her career”. Brad, Salt is the first film she’s done since fall 2007. Give her a break. It’s like everything is fine when Brad’s working and Angelina’s taking care of the kids, but when she wants to do one film, and suddenly all hell breaks loose.

So Angelina calls her father, and complains that Brad tells her “their relationship is splitting at the seams because he wants to be her partner in life, not just the father of her children”.

Jon Voight is “elated” that Angelina is back in his life, despite his concerns about Brad and Angie’s relationship. But Voight has learned from his mistakes – even though he wants to see Angie and kids, he’s willing to let Angelina move at her own pace.

That sudden dark cloud over Angelina Jolie’s relationship with Brad Pitt just brightened the horizon for dad Jon Voight.

Even though lines of communication between long-estranged father and daughter had been cautiously re-opened, there’s still lots of awkwardness – but now Angelina’s phoning Voight constantly, crying on his shoulder that Brad’s blaming her for neglecting him in favor of their six kids and her career; and she confided that he exploded when he heard she plans to adopt yet another child.

Said a source: “Angelina wailed to her dad that Brad says their relationship is splitting at the seams because he wants to be her partner in life, not just the father of her children.”

Ironically, Angelina’s woe-mance has opened the door to a stronger relationship with her dad, insiders say. And even though Voight’s concerned, he’s elated that his daughter’s back in his life. He’s telling pals he’d love to see Angie and his grandkids, but will let her move at her own speed because he doesn’t want to push her away.

[From The National Enquirer print Edition, Mike Walker's column, April 27, 2009]

Is Angelina really calling her father to complain about Brad? We’ll never know. Some people think that Angelina should have buried the hatchet a long time ago, while some think that Angelina cutting Voight out of her life was a necessary self-preservation. In any case, it probably wouldn’t hurt to let Grandpa Jon spend a little time with his grandkids. If this report is true (big if), it sounds like both Angelina and Jon are still in the process of learning from their mistakes, so let them move at their own pace.

On another note, regarding the report that “Brad exploded when he heard she plans to adopt yet another child” – seriously? Then why did Brad talk about adopting and having more babies the whole time he was promoting The Curious Case of Benjamin Button? Tabloids always “blame” Angelina for wanting so many children, but it seems like Brad has been pushing for more babies just as much as Angelina.

Diane Kruger was already one of my favorite European imports, but this just seals the deal. Diane thinks Brad, Angelina and the kids are “such a sweet family” and that Jolie is “lovely — very positive energy… She’s beautiful!” You may know Diane from films like Troy (where she was unfortunately miscast as Helen of Troy) and those National Treasure movies. She also dates Joshua Jackson, and they seem really cute and happy together.

Kruger’s quite a huge star in her native Germany, and the Berlin-based film set of Quentin Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds was a homecoming for her. A lot of people predicted that there would be much tabloid consternation with Diane and Brad Pitt filming together in such close quarters, but there weren’t that many reports. Because Brad and Diane got along as respectful co-workers, perchance?

Diane Kruger got to meet costar Brad Pitt’s kids on the German set of their intentionally misspelled Quentin Tarantino WWII flick Inglourious Basterds.

“They came by a couple of times,” Kruger told Usmagazine.com at the Sixth Annual New Yorkers for Children Spring Dinner Dance Wednesday.

“It’s lovely to see them,” she continued. “They are such a sweet family!”

Kruger says Pitt didn’t seem tired for having six children. “He seemed pretty fired up!” she told Us while laughing.

Jolie didn’t lack for energy either. “She was lovely — very positive energy,” continued Kruger. “She’s beautiful!”

Kruger also worked with Pitt on Troy — but they spent more quality time together on the dark Nazi flick, out this August.

“On this one, I have all my scenes with him, which is fun!” she said.

“Brad, I think, will surprise a few people and my character…I’ve ever played anyone quite this fierce and impossibly glamorous, yet tough as nails,” she added.

[From US Magazine

In the May issue of Vanity Fair, Tarantino gave an exclusive look into Inglourious Basterds, including letting VF publish one scene. The pictures from the set are gorgeous - Diane especially looks amazing. She has the kind of beauty that translates into many different eras. Brad can be seen in all of mustachioed glory, which even I admit, isn’t really his best look. But Brad does wear the hell out of a uniform. Yummy!

Here are Diane Kruger and Joshua Jackson at the friends of New York for Children annual Spring dinner dance inNew York City. Images thanks to WENN.com .

Star’s cover story this week is dull and unoriginal – yet another “Angelina’s pregnant!” story. Let’s play along. Star’s source claims that Angelina is pregnant again, and that she and Brad have been “trying for another baby for months, but it was still a total shock when she found out. Brad and Angie have been fighting so much lately, it just didn’t seem possible.”

Star also gets in a few digs – they’re still claiming that Angelina is pissed that Brad was sexing up the nanny, but now everything’s cool because Angie’s knocked up again. The source says, “It happened just in time, because things were getting pretty ugly between them.”

And baby makes… seven!

In the April 27 issue of Star — on sale today! — we exclusively reveal that Hollywood’s most famous parents, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, are adding another child to their clan.

“Yes, Angie is pregnant,” a family insider tells Star. “They’d been trying for another baby for months, but it was still a total shock when she found out. Brad and Angie have been fighting so much lately, it just didn’t seem possible.”

A source close to the actress confirms that Angie is about two and a half months along.

“She’s thrilled. She said she knew she was pregnant before the test confirmed it!” But she kept the news from Brad, only telling him when he returned from a trip to New Orleans at the end of March.

Baby number seven couldn’t be coming at a better time because, as Star has reported, the duo have been fighting since Angie caught Brad warmly comforting a nanny in February.

“It happened just in time, because things were getting pretty ugly between them,” says one source.

Pick up the new Star today for the full story, including the scoop on Angie’s fertility diet and drugs, how she broke the news to Brad, her plan to take time off from work and where Brad really wants this baby to be born.

[From Star Magazine]

Where does Brad want the baby to be born? My guess is exotic Missouri, the place of his birth. Or would Missouri be too exotic for Angelina’s refined tastes? The birthing place could be anywhere… except for any repeat locales. I don’t see them going back to France or Namibia. Perhaps somewhere in Asia… some place no one would guess. Like Laos.

Here’s Angelina last Spring when she was pregnant with the twins. Images thanks to WENN.com .