Here are some new photos of Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck, out and about in Brentwood yesterday. I’m doing this because I know that you bitches love photos of A) Babies and preggo celebrities, B) Dimples and C) celebrities with their animals. I don’t think I even knew that Jennifer and Ben had a dog. He/she is a German shepherd, and he looks very… ALERT. Like, he’s all “DADDY, I wanna eat the paparazzo! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.” My dog gets the same look when his mortal enemy, the UPS truck, comes down the road. It’s the look of “As God as my witness, if I ever get off this chain and catch you near my mom ever again, I am going to rip you apart.” God, I love puppies! That’s a really beautiful dog. He’s darker than most German Shepherds that I’ve seen.

As for Jen, she’s obviously still knocked up. Any day now, any day now! Poor Jen, she must be super-uncomfortable. Still, it must be nice for her to get some face time with the paparazzi with her usually-reticent husband in tow. Ben seems like he’s gained a bit of sympathy weight with this pregnancy too, right? All of a sudden, he’s carrying himself differently, like he’s just acquired a gut and some kind of moob situation. As for his hair/wiglet situation – it’s a tragedy, and that effing beanie isn’t helping matters. Whatever, though. Happy couple, a bump, dimples and a puppy! This story has all the required gossip elements.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Back in May of last year, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie walked the red carpet at the Cannes Film Festival for the premiere of Brad’s film, Tree of Life. It was a big moment, with the international entertainment press lapping up all of the Brangelina they could get. A curious thing happened on the day of Brangelina’s big night in Cannes, however. Jennifer Aniston curiously released the information that her dog Norman had passed away… several weeks earlier. It was odd timing, to say the least. Not that I didn’t doubt that Jennifer loved and adored her fur baby and I didn’t doubt that she was likely devastated by the loss. My point then – and now – is that Aniston should have been less obvious with the timing of the announcement.

Anyway, Norman has gone to doggy heaven, and Aniston still has her German shepherd fur baby Dolly to keep her company. But according to this report, Aniston is itching for a new puppy!

Jennifer Aniston is finally adopting. No, not a baby – the actress is bringing home a furry friend!

“Jennifer decided to give herself a New Year’s present to start the year off right – a new dog,” a source tells Star. Since the passing of her Welsh corgi-terrier mix, Norman, last spring, “Jen has been mourning,” explains the source.

Norman was 15 years old when he went to the Great Kennel in the Sky, and Jen has memorialized him with a tattoo of his name on the inside of her right foot. While the 42-year-old actress is still the proud owner of a German shepherd mix named Donny, “Jen is ready to give another needy dog a home.”

Jen found the new pooch, also a shepherd mix, at the Utah-based Best Friends Animal Society last month.

[From Star Magazine, print edition]

Oh, I had forgotten about the dog tattoo too. As for the idea that this is a “needy dog” – really? Isn’t LA full of animal shelters? Did she want a specific breed or mix? Why go all the way to Utah? It’s weird, but whatever. God bless. Aniston loves her puppies, and whoever she adopts will be living the A-list puppy life.

Archive photos of Aniston, Norman and a stunt dog, courtesy of Elle, Vogue and EW.

From the very beginning of Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds’ torrid affair, it was immediately obvious who the REAL stars were – the dogs. Ryan is so vanilla, and Blake is so… Blake. But their dogs are awesome. And the dogs often make it into the paparazzi shots too. Ryan’s beloved puppy is a golden retriever mix named Baxter – Blake was even photographed walking Baxter in NYC a month ago. Blake’s puppy is a Maltipoo named Penny. Penny is adorable and probably weighs about five pounds, if that. Five pounds of pure rage and puppy jealousy, apparently. According to the Enquirer, Penny is totally a diva, and she doesn’t like sharing her mom with that bastard Baxter.

Love may be in the air for Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds, but their dogs are at each other’s throats! Blake’s pint-sized Maltipoo, Penny, is used to being the center of attention and hates it when her owner showers Ryan’s friendly golden retriever mix, Baxter, with affection. Now pals say the war of the dogs has escalated to the point where it’s affecting the couple’s sex life!

“Penny is a real diva and is accustomed to getting her own way,” a source told The Enquirer. “She’s having a terrible time adjusting to Ryan and Baxter sharing her turf! Blake constantly spoiled Penny and made her the center of her world. Now, with Baxter as competition, she growls and bares her teeth whenever Blake pets or plays with Ryan’s pooch!”

Initially, Ryan and Blake thought handling the canine conflict would be good practice for dealing with children in the future. But they might never get to that point because the dogfight has spilled into the bedroom!

“They both love to sleep with their dogs on the bed – but Penny wants to be the only pooch in the room,” explained the source. “She tries to scare Baxter away. Ryan and Blake spend so much time trying to break up the feuding dogs, when it’s time to go to bed they’re so exhausted the last thing they think of is romance.”

The source continues, “Blake and Ryan are really in love… they just wish their four-legged friends would get along too!”

[From The Enquirer, print edition]

LOL, it’s just a funny story, and God knows, it might even be true. Penny seems like she could be a diva, and it does seem like it’s always the little dogs who are always trying to start something. Baxter is probably looking at Penny like, “You little bitch, I could eat you with one gulp. STFU!” Here’s why I doubt the story though – because everything about Blake is so manicured and perfect – she would NEVER have a dog who misbehaves. NEVER. Baxter, meanwhile, always seems so chill. Most of the time, I don’t even think Ryan keeps Baxter on a leash – which is a sure sign of a well-behaved puppy.

Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame and PCN.

Kendall and Kylie Jenner, the youngest of the Kardashian/Jenner girls, got very special Christmas presents this year – two chocolate lab puppies! They were tweeting an endless stream of photos, which I have included at the end of the post. The puppies are leggy adolescents, they’re not little baby dogs, and I’m guessing that they came from a lab breeder. Kendall and Kylie decided to break with their family tradition and NOT name the puppies with “K” names. Instead, they named these poor dogs “Louis” and “Vuitton”. UUUUGH. The only thing keeping me from already declaring these beautiful dogs as victims of animal cruelty is the thought that they’ll probably become Bruce’s dogs very quickly, once Kendall and Kylie get bored with them. Why didn’t they just give the puppies to Bruce straight away?

In other Kardashian/Jenner news, Kylie and Kendall are going to “co-design” a line of jewelry for Pascal Mouawad, that shady-as-hell jeweler who used to be tight with Lindsay Lohan. Mouawad also runs Kim Kardashian’s line (which was largely jacked from other designers) and Nicole Richie’s House of Harlow 1960 brand. Thankfully, it’s not going to be all diamonds and jewels sold to rich 13-year-olds. The brand is aimed at teens and tweens, but the prices will be reasonable ($20-80), so no 13-year-old girls dripping in diamonds.

Photos courtesy of WENN, twit-pics from Kylie and Kendell’s Twitter pages.

When some of the first “couple-y” photos of Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively came out in October, many of you commented that the real star of Rake’s relationship was Ryan’s dog Baxter. It’s true. Baxter is a beautiful, well-behaved dog who sticks by his daddy even when he’s not on the leash. I suspect that Baxter has some affection for Blake too, mostly because Blake is allegedly a great cook/baker, and dogs will follow anyone who smells like butter and vanilla. Anyway, do you remember how we were talking about how WEIRD it is that Ryan and Blake seem to be getting photographed all the time, and most people blame Blake and her publicist and their famewhoring ways? Well, here’s a funny story: Blake is puppy-sitting Baxter, and she managed to PAP HERSELF WITH THE DOG.

Ryan Reynolds’s dog is having a lively week! The actor’s multi-breed pooch, Baxter, has been spending quality time with a new lady – one Blake Lively – who sent tongues wagging when she stepped out with beau Reynolds this weekend in New York City.

And now tails are wagging, as the Gossip Girl star was spotted taking Baxter for a brisk walk during a break in filming her show Tuesday in Manhattan.

Lively held her teacup Maltipoo, Penny, in her arms and kept her wrapped in a fuzzy brown blanket as a leashed Baxter pounded the pavement.

Later that night, Lively and Baxter left the Gossip Girl set together, and the following morning, headed off to another day of work.

[From People]

I hate the way Baxter knows that he’s being photographed and he tries to give the paparazzo the best angles. Baxter is totally Middleton-esque. Baxter totally called the paps. Baxter is such a famewhore. Baxter is such a slut! I don’t think we should encourage this kind of behavior in dogs. We shouldn’t praise a dog who is only famous for upgrading in mommies. Baxter is only famous because of who he sleeps with. Baxter has no real talent. I hear Baxter’s audition for The Great Gatsby SUCKED. I hear Baxter is being pursued by Harvey Weinstein. I hear Karl Lagerfeld regrets hiring Baxter for a Chanel ad campaign.

Photos courtesy of Pacific Coast News.

People who have been reading this blog long enough know that I’m a cat person who just happens to currently be in a long-term relationship with a dog. My puppy is a very sensitive, needy soul, and he’s very possessive. He doesn’t want me to have any other animals (or people) in my life besides him. So… no cats. First of all, there’s the possessive thing. Secondly, my dog is a hunter. I worry that if I introduce another animal into our home (it’s as much his as mine), my puppy will eat the animal.

Now, that being said, I’ve been in a mood for months now, wondering if I should go to the Humane Shelter and see if they have any kittens up for adoption. It’s gotten so bad that I’ve been trolling the newspaper classifieds for kittens too. I know, I know. A kitten would just be a snack for my dog. But my thought process is, “Maybe there’s a right way to introduce my dog to a baby kitten. Maybe if it’s so small, he wouldn’t attack it.” This is how I justify it in my mind.

Anyway, Taylor Swift just adopted a new kitten and JESUS CHRIST is this an adorable cat. It’s a Scottish fold, just like my avatar on CB. Swifty began posting photos of her kitteh, Meredith, on her Twitter page with messages like, “Hanging out with my new roommate, Meredith” and “cat lady”. I’m just… in love. Gawd, I want a cat so badly. What should I do? I shouldn’t adopt one, right? I would feel awful if I adopted a kitty and my dog attacked it. Gah!

Photos courtesy of WENN, Swifty’s Twitter.

Here’s Gerard Butler with his longtime girl, Lolita. Lolita is the tiny little pug, by the way. Isn’t she cute? I’m not sure about the name “Lolita” for a tiny little dog whose daddy is a notorious womanizer, but sure. He loves that puppy, and Lolita gets lots of quality time with her dad. Speaking of, The Enquirer’s gossip guy, Mike Walker, had this funky little story about Gerard and Lolita is bed together:

Upon awakening at his trendy West Hollywood hotel, Gerard Butler phoned room service and ordered breakfast for two – and he blew the waiter’s mind when he arrived to find the hunky heartthrob in bed with Lolita, his tiny pug pooch! Snuggled up next to his pet and perusing the morning paper, Butler – in town promoting his new flick, ‘Machine Gun Preacher’ – ordered the waiter to set up both trays on his bed. Doing as he was told, the guy lifted silver lids to reveal two plates of scrambled eggs and Lolita leaped off her pillow and lapped up one plate before Butler could even sign the bill!

[From The Enquirer, print edition]

Now, Gerry owns a house in LA. Why would he be staying in a hotel? Maybe he’s doing renovations. Maybe he just likes to stay in hotels. Maybe he got some action. Maybe he just wanted to treat Lolita to a romantic evening. I don’t know. But I hope this story is true. Any dog owner knows that look in their dog’s eye when the dog is debating whether or not to make a play for some people food. I feed my dog before I eat dinner, just to ensure that he won’t spend my whole mealtime giving me his best “pathetic-sad-feed me” face.

Gerry also covers the new issue of LA Confidential Mag. Here are some highlights:

The Butler on his current career: “It’s not like a supernova anymore, the thing that got me here so fast. Or maybe not fast, because it did happen over 12 years. I counted the other day, and I’ve actually made 33 movies, so it didn’t happen overnight. That passion and energy—maybe not just in the making of the movies, but in the publicizing of the movies—everything that it took to get here, I don’t have that drive anymore. But I also don’t feel that I need that drive anymore. I’m at a spot where the movies come to me more easily, and maybe I’m more at a place of a kind of spiritual acceptance that what’s for me won’t go past me. That’s good for me, because to be honest, as much as I love what I do, it’s not the be-all and end-all anymore.”

Jack of all genres: “I think the one thing I have going for me is an ability to play a wide array of roles and genres, and therefore I want to keep challenging myself and keep surprising people,” he says. “That’s the most exciting thing for me as an actor: Nobody can ever define you. They go, ‘Oh, he’s the action guy.’ ‘Oh, he’s the comedy guy.’ I’m not any of those things, and I never want to be categorized like that. People shouldn’t know what to expect from me.”

He doesn‘t like the fame: “I love what I do,” says Butler, “but the more successful I’ve become, the more I’ve realized it’s the things around acting I don’t love. I sometimes wish I could just go make a movie and then disappear. I never thought I would be like that, actually. I was surprised at my reaction, because I love acting. It’s harder than anything I’ve ever done, but it also provides more fun and fulfillment than anything else I’ve ever done.” Though cognizant that “whining” about celebrity rarely engenders great sympathy (“‘Screw you!’ ‘Bring out the violin!’” he mockingly says), Butler makes it clear it’s the double-edged nature of public recognition that’s gotten under his skin; encounters with genuine admirers still give the movie fan in him a relatable kick—the paparazzi, not so much.

[From LA Confidential]

I always like his interviews – in my mind, I’ve created this image of The Butler – some horny buffoon, a sex-crazed, uninhibited eating-and-sex machine with no shame. But he’s actually a thoughtful, self-aware dude who seems pretty grounded. Sigh… I do love him. It’s not Fassbender-love/lust, but Gerry is definitely special to me.

Here are some recent photos of Gerard, out and about in London. I think this is the face he made when he read my love letter to Michael Fassbender:

Photos courtesy of WENN & Pacific Coast News.

CB suggested I do this story, so let’s see if I can get through it without crying. Last year, fashion designer Alexander McQueen committed suicide. It was a devastating tragedy, and his friends, coworkers and family are still picking up the pieces after his death. McQueen’s will has just been made public, and it turns out that McQueen had gotten all of his affairs in order before his suicide, including making financial arrangements for the charities closest to his heart, as well as making sure his dogs would be taken care of. He left about $26 million to animal charities, plus $82,000 in a trust to whoever took care of his dogs. It’s said that his dogs were one of the last concerns McQueen had, and his suicide note consisted of “Look after my dogs, sorry, I love you, Lee.” Yeah. I’m crying.

His puppies: Minter, a mongrel; Juice, an English bull terrier; and Callum, a Rhodesian ridgeback. The charities: Battersea Dogs & Cats Home and The Blue Cross, both charities that work with finding animals a home. He also donated money to the London Buddhist Center and his own Sarabande charity – he requested that Sarbande create scholarships and grants for design students. He also left 50,000 pounds each to his two housekeepers, and made arrangements for his godson, nieces, nephews and his three sisters and two brothers.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

You may know by now that I am both a cat and a dog person. I grew up, for the most part, with cats, but I did have a childhood dog that I adored, and I am currently a proud dog mother to one 100-pound neurotic monster/mutt. I have cat siblings, though, as my mom is still very much a cat person, and whenever I go to her house, the cats seem to gravitate towards me, knowing that I cannot resist their little kitty faces. One in particular (the insane one) seems to want to live in my hair. I let her. What I’m trying to say is that I get a sense about people when I see them around their animals, and you can tell a lot about a person by how they treat their animal(s).

So what can we tell about Ryan Gosling by the way he treats his dog, George? At first I thought Ryan was just mother-hen-ing his puppy because of the crowd, but I think the enormous puppy is being carried in his daddy’s arms because there was an escalator situation. George looks like the kind of dog who gives his dad a “I’m not walking on that motherchucking thing, you need to carry me” look, and his dad complies. Note: when my dog gives me that look, I give HIM a look that says “Dream on, a–hole.”

Basically, my take on Ryan and George’s dynamic is that George is probably the love of Ryan’s life. I think George is probably priority number one, and George probably gets final say on all of the girlfriends that come around too. My guess is that George likes to sleep in his dad’s beg too. A man and his dog – don’t mess with it, ladies.

Here are some additional photos of Ryan at the LA Film Festival premiere of his new film, Drive. I’ll have some photos of Christina Hendricks in a moment. Don’t get me started.

Photos courtesy of WENN & Fame.

I just spent WAY too much time looking up photos of miniature donkeys, and now I totally want one. Secretly, I’ve always wanted a goat, but goats are supposed to be bad “pets” who eat everything and then some. Maybe a miniature donkey would be better? Reese Witherspoon has two miniature donkeys, which she keeps on her Ojai, California ranch, along with her assorted farm animals. I’ve heard her mention chickens and… I think she has a cow, a horse and some goats too. Anyway, Reese’s neighbors are really pissed off about the noise coming out of her farm. The donkeys are causing a jackassy ruckus!

Don’t be an ass! Reese Witherspoon’s Ojai, Calif. neighbors are not happy about the noise level of her donkeys, Honky and Tonky. They hee-haw at such a high-volume that “they’re driving us crazy!” a source told Us Weekly.

“It’s so bad that a few residents have sent her a letter,” a local added. But the 35-year-old actress’ neighbors don’t want her to leave, just quiet down her donkeys! “She’s beloved here,” a neighbor said. “I’m not even sure she know what’s going on.”

In an appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show in December, Witherspoon opened up about her farm full of animals. “This year we got donkeys. They’re really cute,” she gushed. “They’re actually miniature donkeys… They’re docile and sweet.”

“I [also] have two pigs, and I have three goats and I have 20 chickens and of course I have three dogs. And I have one horse. It’s hanging out with the donkey, it’s sweet,” she added.

Witherspoon makes sure her son Deacon, 7, and daughter Ava, 11, learn some responsibility through taking care of the family pets. “It’s so good for the kids to learn about animals and kindness and compassion,” she said. “I make them clean the stalls.”

[From Us Weekly]

Ah, that’s why I shouldn’t get a donkey. They’ll be too loud. Right now my biggest problem is my giant dog who thinks he’s a wolf every time a firetruck with sirens goes by. Or the UPS truck, his mortal enemy, which causes my dog to freak out like he’s being attacked on all fronts.

So, what’s the answer for too-loud donkeys? I suspect she may have to sell them or give them away. Or just yell “SHHHHHH!” every time they “Hee-haw.”

Note: these are not photos of Reese’s donkeys, they’re just donkeys that I thought were cute.

Photos courtesy of WENN.