I hope you all are sitting down, because I have some shocking news. Newlywed Ashlee Simpson is pregnant! I know- I had no idea, either! Simpson and her new husband Pete Wentz confirmed what everyone else already knew: Ashlee has just completed her first trimester of pregnancy. So now the question is: did Ashlee wait to confirm her condition because she wanted to do the customary “wait until the third month” thing, or did she want to wait until she and Pete were married? Wait. That’s not the question. The question is, “Who gives a crap?”

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz have confirmed they are expecting their first child.

They announced the news — which Usmagazine.com first broke in April — on his Web site, friendsorenemies.com, on Wednesday.

“While many have speculated about this, we wanted to wait until after the first trimester to officially confirm that we are expecting our first child,” they wrote. “This is truly the most joyous time in our lives and we are excited to share the happy news and start our family.”

The couple wed in Los Angeles on May 17. They just returned from their honeymoon to the Caribbean.

[From Us Weekly]

So, it really was a shotgun wedding after all. How quaint! I don’t know if the pregnancy and the baby are going to help their image or Ashlee’s album sales, but congrats- I guess. I’m sure we will get a comment from Papa Joe any day now, and he will be selling off photos of Ashlee’s growing baby bump to the highest bidder. One thing’s for sure – this kid will have horrible taste in music, and will probably emerge from the womb with eyeliner, fringe bangs and its own reality show.

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz are shown on 5/23/08 out in NY, thanks to WENN.

When Tony Romo went to lunch at a paparazzi hot spot with Jessica Simpson on the Friday before her sister’s wedding, I assumed he was trying to help her save face after the news broke that he dumped her. Then when Romo went to Jessica’s sister Ashlee’s wedding as Jessica’s date, again it seemed like he felt sorry for Jessica and wanted to soften the blow of the breakup. Maybe they have an on-off thing, but the insider reports of their breakup were reported in the Chicago Sun Times and seemed true.

So why would Tony make a public reconciliation with Jessica Simpson before her sister’s wedding other than feeling sorry for her? Maybe because if he stayed away from the wedding, it would have cost Jessica’s family $1.4 million. TMZ reports that People Magazine’s contract with Joe Simpson for exclusive rights to Ashlee Simpson’s wedding photos included the stipulation that Tony Romo had to be at the wedding with Ashlee’s older sister Jessica:

Our moles tell us, when People cut a $1.4 deal for Ashlee’s wedding pics, there was a g-string attached — that Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo would be there.

It’s kinda what we were thinking. Who’d pay that for Ashlee Simpson alone. That’s why People wanted to put a pic of Jessica and Tony as an inset on the cover — they sell, Ashlee doesn’t.

Of course, the problem. Jessica and Tony split before the wedding. So you getting the picture why Tony showed? $$$$

[From TMZ]

Maybe that explains why People claimed ahead of the wedding to have a “source” that Tony Romo would attend. There must have been a lot of pressure on that guy to show up, and he swallowed his pride and did a nice thing for Jessica’s family. I guess that explains why he didn’t go on vacation with Jessica and her family afterwards.

But isn’t it a little sad for Ashlee, that – as commenter Elisha points out – she had “to have her wedding cover of People ruined with a huge picture of her sister freak dancing on it”?

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz are shown out in NY after the Caribbean honeymoon on 5/23/08, thanks to WENN.

It turns out Pete Wentz really was joking when he said he and new wife Ashlee Simpson were honeymooning in their basement. It sounds obvious now, but given some of the couples’ low-key proclivities, it didn’t sound that impossible. Pete said they had blow up palm trees and a tanning bed down there – and it didn’t sound that far-fetched. Luckily they’re not as low-class as that – though I’m guessing they still ate a lot of DiGiorno’s pizza either way.

The couple actually honeymooned in Turks and Caicos for five days before returning to New York so Pete could play a Fallout Boy show.

Header of Ashlee and Pete arriving at their hotel in NYC after their honeymoon. Here’s Jessica back in California yesterday. Images thanks to Splash.

Newlyweds Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz didn’t spend their honeymoon in their basement after all. Wentz told Ryan Seacrest Tuesday that they were hiding out at home, “eating DiGiorno’s pizza,” to “save that 30 grand” days after their wedding.

Turns out, they were in the Caribbean. The pregnant singer (in a bikini!) and the shirtless Fall Out Boy rocker were photographed swimming Thursday.

The newlyweds are now in New York City, where Wentz is expected to play a private Fall Out Boy show for a Sweet 16 party, New York’s Daily News reports.

The couple can’t keep quiet about how happy they are.

“I feel great!” Wentz told Seacrest. “It is sunny and 65 in my head.”

[From Us Weekly]

Pete had made the basement honeymoon comment to Ryan Seacrest when he called in to chat on his morning radio show. Ryan asked him a few pregnancy-related questions – which, despite the way Us phrased it, is not a certainty at this point – and Wentz responded: “Ryan, this baby has not been confirmed,” he said. “The only thing I’m confirming now is that we’re in the basement on our honeymoon with these blow-up palm trees.”

I’m just going to point out that the basement and blow-up foliage didn’t turn out to be true – I wouldn’t be surprised if the rumored baby wasn’t either. But what a great way to sell records and up the asking price for your chin-tastic wedding photos, no?

While Ashlee and Pete were on their honeymoon, older sister Jessica Simpson honeymooned with her husband… er, dad, Joe. And her mom Tina probably tagged along too, until Joe ushered her away. The three went on vacation to Cabo San Lucas for the exact duration of Ashlee and Pete’s honeymoon. I’m guessing Joe and Tina took Jessica away to distract her.

I imagine whenever Jessica would start to feel sad or melancholy or mention Tony Romo, Joe would try to distract her with shadow puppets. And that would probably work for an hour or two, but inevitably Jessica’s mind would wander back to her happily knocked up sister and her own myriad of ex-boyfriends. And that’s when Joe would get on the phone to some high powered agent and work on buying Jessica’s next relationship.

Deep down in my little heart, I truly, deeply believe that the most romantic thing a couple can do is talk about the legal specifics of their love. What says “I am passionately, over-the-moon in love with my new spouse” more than calling Ryan Seacrest three days after you got married to tell him about your pre-nup? You’re sitting there silently because the answer to that question is obvious: nothing. Nothing says love more than chatting amicably with Seacrest’s hair spikes about your big day.

And as a wedding gift to his new wife, that’s exactly what Pete Wentz did this morning. Actually, he snuck out of his bedroom while Ashlee was still asleep. But that’s just a technicality.

“We have signed a pre-nup,” the newlywed rocker admitted on Ryan Seacrest’s KIIS-FM radio show Tuesday. (Ashlee was alseep, he said.) He said “she legally is a Wentz … I don’t know what she’ll do with her stage name, that’s up to her. She hasn’t decided that.”

He said they’re skipping out on a honeymoon (for now) and have been hanging out in their basement in L.A. “We got some blow-up palm trees,” Wentz said. “A little fake-n-bake tanning booth. We’re eating DiGiorno’s pizza, getting in that tanning oven every once in a while, it’s great. It’s gonna look like we’re on that private jet,” he added. “We’re gonna save that 30 grand, you know?” I feel great!” he said. “It is sunny and 65 in my head.”

Wentz still refused to confirm Simpson’s pregnancy. When Seacrest asked why they decided to wed now, Wentz replied, “I get the backdoor question you’re asking me, but it’s been something we’ve been planning for a long time. I gave her a promise ring four months ago.” Seacrest later asked if he’s thought about baby names. Wentz laughed. “Ryan, this baby has not been confirmed,” he said. “The only thing I’m confirming now is that we’re in the basement on our honeymoon with these blow-up palm trees.”

[From Us Magazine]

Um…

Um…….. alright. Where to start. [JayBird inhales deeply]. I didn’t HEAR the interview, so it’s hard for me to tell if/to what extent Pete Wentz is teasing. On the one hand, my instinct is to think Ryan Seacrest must have asked him what they were doing instead of a honeymoon, and Pete was just joking. On the other hand, it’s Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson, and having a bunch of blow-up palm trees and a microwave pizza for a basement honeymoon doesn’t seem that out of character.

I will point out that Pete said this” baby has not been confirmed. Not “a” baby has not been confirmed. To me, the phrasing he used is a little more personal, and implies that a baby does indeed exist. But frankly my brain is so boggled from trying to figure out if there’s a blow-up kiddie pool in the Simpson/Wentz basement that I’m not sure I’m able to dissect the inner-workings of Pete Wentz’s brain. And I’m pretty much okay with that.

Here’s Pete Wentz trying to eat Ashlee Simpson’s face at the Cloverfield premiere on January 1st. Images thanks to WENN.

E! Online (who continues to spam our comments through the crappy Cashmere agency) has an exclusive about Ashley Simpson’s bachelorette party ahead of her unanticipated Saturday wedding to rocker Pete Wentz.

The party was thrown by Ashlee’s sister, recently-single Jessica Simpson, and their mom, Tina, and was held at her parents’ home in Encino, California last night. Tents and balloons were set up outside for guests and the party lasted from the “early evening” until before midnight. It’s described as “mellow” so I guess we can assume there were no stripping firemen. Maybe they went crazy and exchanged lingerie and ate from a penis-shaped cake.

Pete Wentz and his future father in law, Joe Simpson, had dinner at Mr. Chow last night with some of Wentz’s friends. They had a lot of beer and wine, and Joe picked up the $1,000 tab. Hopefully Wentz went out with his buddies later for a little fun without papa Joe.

Pete was sporting a sparse-looking moustache that continued down the sides of his chin. He deflected questions about whether Ashlee was pregnant by saying “all I can think about is this moustache.”

Jessica Simpson has got to feel down about her sister’s wedding. She’ll probably be going solo after a public breakup, but seems to have planted a story that “she will never forgive [Tony]” and “they are over for good” if he doesn’t go as her date. There are stories in OK! Magazine and US Weekly which sound like they’ve been planted by Jessica’s rep. Both say that the breakup is confirmed by “insiders”, but that they have split up in the past and might get back together again. It sounds to me like Jessica is trying to save face and still holding hope that it’s not over.

Update: That outing at Mr. Chow with his father in law was Pete Wentz’s bachelor party, according to People. The poor guy.

Ashlee Simpson is shown on 5/2/08 outside of Riverside studios, thanks to WENN.

Crazy Papa Joe Simpson must be dancing with glee at youngest daughter Ashlee’s supposed upcoming nuptials. Why, you ask? Because he’s filled with joy that his daughter has found the love of her life? Because he’s relieved that the possibly-maybe-who-knows knocked-up singer is at least being made a decent woman? We think it’s most likely because he’s supposedly demanding seven figures from whatever mag wants to cover Ashlee’s nuptials. That’s right, it’s all about the numbers.

How much would you pay to attend Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson’s “secret” wedding? We hear a seven-figure sum is being offered for exclusive coverage of this Saturday’s hush-hush nuptials.

The hastily planned wedding is coming just two months after the couple announced their engagement, doing little to quash rumors of Simpson’s pregnancy. And the event itself is so classified that even invited guests don’t have all the details. Friends and family received cryptic Evites (classy!) telling them to book hotel rooms in the L.A. area, and that they’ll be picked up by private cars. One warning: Cell phones and cameras are strictly forbidden.

We hear that Simpson has chosen a Vera Wang gown (hopefully with an Empire waist!), while Wentz and his groomsmen will don Dolce & Gabbana tuxes. Meanwhile, Ashlee’s big sis, Jessica, is said to be hosting a rehearsal dinner at her house Friday night.

While this might seem like another Hollywood romance unlikely to last, a pal of the couple says their co-dependence will stand the test of time. “Ashlee is so needy – she just hangs all over Pete,” says our mole. “But he loves it. He’s always had a thing for vulnerable girls. In a weird way, they complete each other. I can’t imagine one would ever leave the other.” Ain’t love grand!

[From Rush & Molloy]

What says love more than a big payout to your dadager and an evite? Look, Simpson family, this isn’t helping your reputation any. Evites are for a last-minute bar hopping when you’re bored at work and have nothing better to do than design some asinine invitation with a pig theme. I don’t care where you’re from or how you work it, it’s not for your wedding. Especially if you’re going to be wearing a Vera Wang gown and the men will be in Dolce & Gabbana. At least spend the $30 and drop by your local Target. I’m sure you can figure out how to work your printer within a couple of hours.

Never put it past Joe Simpson to milk his children’s happiness for all it’s worth. At this point he should just be glad there’s a man willing to deal with a Simpson woman for longer than 15 minutes. I hope he’s offering Pete Wentz some kind of dowry or something. It should really be a “Thanks for agree to put up with me for the next 35 years until the sweet release of death finds me.” That’s almost as inspirational as an evite.

Here’s Ashlee arriving at the Riverside Studios and signing autographs on May 2nd. Header of Ashlee and Pete at the Bravo Supershow 2008 at Arena Nurnberg on May 3rd. Images thanks to WENN.

I’ll hand it to those British journalists, they sure are tricky. Newly engaged, newly album released, and possibly newly knocked-up Ashlee Simpson was asked by a reporter what she thought “You’ve had one too many Britney Spears” means. Yes that’s right, in the U.K., having a “Britney Spears” is actually slang now. Instead of playing dumb – one of the few things the Simpson sisters are naturally good at – Ashlee went ahead and guessed – with unflattering results.

Whether it was a Freudian slip or not, the newly engaged songstress definitely let her opinion of the recovering mother of two be known during a visit across the pond this week… “In an interview the other day, they asked me what I thought, ‘You’ve had one too many Britney Spears’ means,” Ashlee says. “I was like, ‘What?’ And they said it means you’ve had one too many beers.”

Without missing a beat, “I was like, ‘Oh, you’ve had one too many trashy girls!” But the redheaded 23-year-old, falling into a fit of giggles, expressed remorse over the comment afterwards. “I was like, ‘Oh my God, I can’t believe I just said that!” Ashlee says. “It was really bad. I felt horrible.”

[From OK! Magazine]

I’m not sure if I’d call the Simpson sisters all-out trashy, but I really don’t think Ashlee is in any position to criticize. She’s not the bottom of the barrel or anything, but she’s not exactly classy either. Let’s not forget her short-lived reality show on MTV, where she burped, farted, was generally inept at all tasks, proving to the world how uncouth she was. Ashlee has yet to be a parent, but she might be dumb enough to make a few Britney-esq mistakes.

In other Britney news, she showed up for the finale of MTV’s Rock the Cradle, a reality show that stars the offspring of famous singers. Her longtime on/off manager Larry Rudolph is a judge on the show, and apparently Brit came out as a show of support to him. She sat backstage and didn’t draw a whole lot of attention according to Rudolph. If Brit’s getting to the point where she’s supporting people instead of the other way around, that’s a pretty big step. Who knows, maybe someday people will forget that she was ever trashy.

Here’s Britney leaving the trendy restaurant Sur after a business meeting yesterday, and leaving a Bally Total Fitness on Wednesday. Images thanks to WENN.

Joe Simpson seems absolutely intent on wrecking as much of his daughters’ lives as he possibly can. Truly, if he sat down with a marker, paper, and poster board and drew out some type of chart titled, “Ways to Interfere with/Mess Up Offspring & Impede All Forms of Happiness,” he could not have done a better job. Which is why I’m pretty sure he’s planned this all out. Because any quasi-sane, loving parent would have stepped off by now and said, “You know what? Whatever I touch, I ruin. Maybe I should stop touching things.” And I mean that exactly how it sounds, Joe Simpson. Perv.

Anyway, Joe has decided he wasn’t satisfied just ruining daughter Jessica’s life with his domineering, interfering ways while filming the Newlyweds with now ex-husband Nick Lachey. There’s a reason Nick’s an ex, and it rhymes with and looks just like Papa Joe. Simpson has decided (seemingly without involving his daughter in the decision) that Ashley and new fiancé Pete Wentz are going to do their own Newlyweds show. Because why wreck just one marriage when you can wreck two?

Get yourself ready for the return of MTV’s Newlyweds — with a twist! Instead of Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey, it’s Simpson version 2.0 is coming your way, with Jessica’s little sister, Ashlee Simpson, 23, and fiancé, Pete Wentz, 28, set to appear as the couple in the hit MTV format — at least if Joe Simpson gets his way!

Never one to miss a money-making opportunity, Ashlee’s dad and manager Joe seems determined to turn this idea into a reality. “He knows that no one cared about Jessica before her reality show, and he’s hoping a show for Ashlee will have the same effect,” a source close to the singer tells OK!.

With a wedding on the horizon, a baby on the way and a famous rocker fiancé, Ashlee’s life has all the ingredients for a reality show. (Ashlee and Pete’s publicist tells OK! they are not set to appear in Newlyweds.) If the program comes off, let’s hope the Bittersweet World singer’s love story doesn’t end the same way as her sister’s failed marriage.

[From OK!]

Touché, OK. Touché. Never did I think I could wholeheartedly agree with anything that came from the printing press of OK Magazine, but they’re pretty much right on the ball on this one. The Simpson girls clearly don’t have the spine to stand up to their father. I was hoping one of their spouses would have, but if I were a betting woman, I would have gone with Nick Lachey long before I could imagine Pete Wentz standing up to Papa Joe. And I think he’s a little too busy sharpening his eyeliner pencil to be bothered. The sad thing is, I’d probably watch this show, if only to yell at Joe Simpson.

Here’s Pete and Ashley at the White House Correspondents’ Association dinner at the Washington Hilton on April 26th. Images thanks to WENN.

Ashlee Simpson and her Cher hair were on The Today Show this morning. She giggled foolishly throughout her brief talk with Matt Lauer. He asked her about “the rumors about expanding the family,” and she didn’t deny it but had a better answer than just saying it was an inappropriate question:

“That [rumor] has been going around for about a year now, so only time will tell with that… but I am giving birth to my record on the 22nd. That’s my new baby.”

She does look pregnant to me, and as both JayBird and I have said it’s certainly great timing for her considering that her album is dropping next week. She bugs the shit out of me for some reason, and this Beatlejuice getup she’s wearing on the Today Show is making me feel nauseous, like when I was three months pregnant.

Here’s the video of her interview:

And here’s Ashlee singing “Little Miss Obsessive,” which she says is what we all can become in a relationship. She really should stick to lip syncing.

Ashlee Simpson is shown at the Conde Nast Traveler 8th Annual Hot List Party on 4/17/08, thanks to WENN.

Ashlee Simpson sure is encouraging the press in the whole “is she or isn’t she” pregnancy runaround. Though she’s technically out and about promoting her new album, Bittersweet World, it seems more like she’s promoting her relationship/engagement/possible baby. Or maybe it’s the reverse. Surely all this publicity right as Ashlee’s releasing her first album in years can’t be entirely a coincidence. If it is – my goodness, what a fabulous time to get accidentally knocked up.

Ashlee stopped by for a visit with Ryan Seacrest on his radio show this morning, where she talked about her upcoming wedding, and gave a few vague, confusing quotes.

“I didn’t know I’d be getting married right now, but I’m so happy to be!” she said, calling from her mother’s Ritz-Carlton hotel room in NYC. “I’m a lucky girl.” How did Wentz – a Hot Hollywood Style honoree – pop the question? “That part I am keeping sacred,” she said, “but I will tell you that it was very thoughtful, and he did a great job. Of course, it was thoughtful,” she added, “He’s like that.”

Simpson — who flashed her new engagement ring (which Wentz designed) in NYC Wednesday — said she loved her rock. “It’s definitely a big diamond!” she said. “I go, ‘Oh, my God, I can’t believe its on my hand!’” When asked if she’d be marrying soon, Simpson replied, “I can’t tell my secrets,” but added, “my mom loves Pete, so does my dad!” Seacrest avoided asking flat-out if she were pregnant, but asked whether she’d be drinking booze during her stay this week in NYC (where she is promoting her new album Bittersweet World). Simpson replied, “Who knows? Maybe.”

[From Us Weekly]

I thought the whole “I didn’t know I’d be getting married right now” thing was kind of odd. The phrasing is kind of poor and leaves you guessing what she meant – though maybe that’s intentional. At first I took it to mean that Ashlee didn’t know she’d be getting married so young – but then I thought perhaps she was hinting that she didn’t plan on getting married at this point in her life. Which makes you wonder why she would. A part of me can’t help but wonder if Ashlee is indeed really pregnant, or if her manager/dad is just exploiting the rumors to help album sales.

Here’s Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz last night. Images thanks to Splash.