Unlike the Funny or Die videos, which have a point and are usually actually funny, this Christmas video from Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore isn’t funny or even mildly amusing. In fact I just watched the whole Alvin and The Chipmunks movie with my kid and found that drivel easier to sit through than five minutes of this annoying video. This movie includes a lot of swearing that isn’t necessary or well placed, there’s a gratuitous sex scene with Ashton and Demi, and the entire plot, loosely based on the writer’s strike with a Christmas theme, makes no sense.

So Santa has to take a temp job when the elves strike, hits bottom after the death of frosty the snowman, writes a screenplay and then is on top again? It makes no sense and when you factor in Ashton’s obnoxious acting it’s just painful to sit through.

This is coming from the guy who brought us Punk’d, which had its moments, so you would expect him to be able to create a short clip for the web that’s worth the time it takes to watch it. This reminds us why the real writers need to get paid. Maybe that’s why Demi and Ashton made this video, to remind us that we’re in for months of completely worthless junk like this if the WGA doesn’t get a fair deal.

Today in delusional celebrities: Rumer Willis thinks she’s famous. And her fame is a big responsibility. According to her. The girl best known for looking a lot more like her father than her mother dropped out of college last year and has since become an actress. I think when your parents are Demi Moore and Bruce Willis, you can in fact become an actress in under six months time. None of Rumor’s movies have come out yet, so calling herself an actress is a bit of a stretch. But the Moore/Willis clan has always been known for their hubris. So far it seems Rumer is still most famous for being the kid of someone famous – not exactly time to phone the editors at People to tell them your tips for handling fame. But common sense never got in the way of self-promotion.

Rumer Willis is ready to accept the ’round-the-clock responsibility of being famous. Presented over the weekend with a Rumer Willis Polly Pocket Doll – which she helped auction off for $5,500 to charity – at the Children Affected by AIDS Foundation’s annual Dream Halloween benefit in Santa Monica, Calif., the 19-year-old (and eldest) daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, joked, “I feel like I’m really famous now.”

But when it really comes to the fame game, Willis – who has become a gossip-blog fixture in recent months – tells PEOPLE, “Before I started working, I would have said, ‘You know, it’s not really fair, because I didn’t choose this.’ But when you decide to be a part of this profession and put yourself out there, then you kind of have to accept what it is.” Willis says that her famous parents – including stepdad Ashton Kutcher – aren’t worried about her, even though being a celebrity means having a very public life. “I think they know that I’ve had great role models,” she said.

Still, notoriety does offer its obstacles. “It’s a 24-hour job,” she says. “It doesn’t matter if you are going out to a restaurant – you have to be aware of what you are doing and how you look and how you are presenting yourself, because most of the time people never get to know you.” But at its heart, she says of celebrity, “Being famous isn’t going to parties … it’s about being able to use the power that we all have to kind of give back.”

[From People]

Giving back? When was the last time that family was known to give anything back? I haven’t really heard one way or the other about Bruce, but for the last fifteen years I’ve heard how completely rude Demi Moore is to fans and people in general. There’ve been reports of her snapping at customers in restaurants who she thought were looking at her (God forbid). The kids are supposedly spoiled and rude too, though I’ve heard Ashton is remarkably polite. If so, it must be pretty embarrassing to be seen with this clan. I’m guessing all the middle-aged sex and Demi’s great knees make up for it though.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s Rumer at the 14th Annual Dream Halloween Fundraiser for the Children Affected by AIDS Foundation on October 27th. Image thanks to PR Photos.

Quite often an actress will take their husband’s name privately, if not professionally, when they get married. It happens less often that an actress takes her partner’s name two years after their wedding has taken place.

Demi Moore married Ashton Kutcher in 2005. But she’s just getting around to officially taking his name on her driving licence and credit cards.

A source told In Touch magazine, “Demi did this for Ashton. She knew that this was something he wanted, so she finally made the switch.”

That means Demi will be Mrs Kutcher on her black American Express card, her passport and other documents, but in her working career, she’ll keep her name from her first marriage to Freddie Moore.

New Zealand Herald

Demi’s birth name is actually Demetria Gene Guynes, not quite as catchy as Demi Moore on a movie poster.

Demi Moore is the name the actress will be using when working, although she recently complained that at her age (44-years-old, in case you were wondering) there are no good roles for women.

Demi said in an interview with Red magazine: “It’s been a challenging few years, being the age I am, with so much focus now on how I look. Almost to the point where I felt like, well, they don’t know what to do with me. I’m not 20. Not 30.”

“But I’m certainly different from what most people feel someone in her 40s should be. For many female actors, who turn 40, it means the end of their career, it’s time to retire. There aren’t that many good roles for women over 40. A lot of them don’t have much substance, other than being someone’s mother or wife. If we are told we are not valuable once we hit 30, it is a problem. We all have more to give. We just can’t bend over and wait for something to happen.”

AHN

Demi, you are approaching the half-century mark. Don’t go looking for those roles for 20-30 year old women, you can’t compete. Dare I suggest you were never that much of an actress to begin with? There are at least a fair amount of roles for older women, but the roles for older women trying to look 25? Maybe you shouldn’t have spent the rumored $500,000 on plastic surgery, and instead asked your surgeon to make you more like Helen Mirren.

Note by Celebitchy: I think Helen is being kind of harsh to Demi. She has a good point that there aren’t a lot of roles for older women, and that there is ageism in Hollywood. JayBird suggested in a post about that issue that Demi start her own production company and make her own roles.

Demi is shown at New York Fashion Week on September 6th in Bryant Park. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Ashton Kutcher, relationship guru and fashion sage, has some advice for women and men on how to get their styles to work better. In this month’s issue of Harper’s Bazaar, he offers tips to women on how to get their men to wear the clothes they like, and points out that men are there to highlight their ladies. Alright. I can’t tell if he’s a little metro, or just Demi’s mouthpiece or something. This is the guy who spawned the trucker hat revolution, after all.

“‘Guys don’t like to be told they look nice, pretty or cute or that they clean up well,’ the 29-year-old actor says.

“‘So when your guy finally tries on something that you like, tell him that he looks like James Bond or Tony Montana,’ he writes. ‘Feel free to be even more vague than that: ‘Wow, that suit makes you look like that hot football player!’

“Kutcher, who got his break on Fox network’s That ’70s Show, is often photographed on the arm of the stylish Moore, 44. The couple wed in September 2005.

“‘Trust me, say any of this and you won’t be able to get him to take the damn suit off,’ he says. ‘Before you know it, he’ll be wearing an Armani tux to league night at the bowling alley.’

“His advice for women: ‘You never want people to notice your accessories. … In this same way, your man should not upstage you. He is there to highlight you.’

“‘Make sure the look isn’t too matchy-matchy. … Your best bet is to match the man gear to that great new Balenciaga bag that you’re planning to carry. If your bag works with your outfit, so will he. ‘”

[From USA Today]

What kind of guy says “matchy-matchy?” I’m pretty sure that if he wrote this by hand, he dotted all his “i’s” with hearts. And I mean, what guy knows about the purse you’re planning to carry, let alone can name the label? I find this weird. I’m hoping and praying that it was just one of those “essays” that’s actually ghostwritten by one of the magazine’s writers. Because if Ashton Kutcher is sitting at his desk at night writing this, something tells me he and Demi are in separate rooms. Logic tells me there is no way this guy went from “Dude, Where’s my Car” to this over-sensitive, all-knowing fashionista in just a few year’s time. So I’m going to assume that either Demi wrote this and made Ashton sign his name, or he’s playing for the other team. Maybe that’s why he kept mentioning football players.

Picture note by JayBird:

Here’s Ashton at the Mr. Brooks L.A. Premiere. That’s right, this guy is giving you fashion advice. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Forbes magazine has a list of the top ten most expensive celebrity photographs of the last decade.

1. Shiloh Jolie-Pitt’s first photos - People - June ‘06 - $4.1 Million
2. Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher’s wedding - OK! - Oct ‘05- $3 Million
3. Eva Longoria and Tony Parker’s wedding - OK! - July ‘07 - $2 Million
3. Larry Birkhead with daughter Danielynn - OK! - April ‘07 - $2 Million
3. Pax Thien Jolie-Pitt’s adoption photos - People - March ‘07 - $2 Million
6. Anna Nicole’s wedding to Howard Stern- People - Sept ‘06 - $1 Million
7. Britney’s son Sean Preston’s first photos - People - Nov ‘05 - $500,000
7. Angelina and Brad’s first photos as couple - Us Weekly - April ‘05 - $500,000
7. Angelina Jolie’s first visibly pregnant photos - People - Jan ‘06 - $500,000
10. Anna Nicole Smith’s son hours before his death - InTouch - Sept ‘06 - $400,000

Forbes

Interestingly, most of these photos are deals done with celebrities rather than paparazzi selling their wares.

Angelina Jolie dominates this list, but only during her time with Brad. At the time of her first expensive shot, April 2005 when she first started dating Brad, I couldn’t have named three of her movies under pain of torture. But I knew who she had been married to, how many tattoos she had - she’s old hollywood glamour, with a bit of modern crazy thrown in. Just a dash of it, take note Britney!

Close behind Angie is Anna Nicole Smith, which Dan Wakeford, the editor of In Touch Weekly who paid for the number 10 photos, explains that “The death of Anna Nicole’s son was the massive news story of the moment–it consumed the whole nation, and these pictures were so newsy and so emotive,” he says. “This was every mother’s worst nightmare, and through these pictures, America could empathize with what Anna Nicole was going through.”

Unfortunately, he can’t offer an explanation as to how Demi Moore won such a delicious young man at her age, why Anna Nicole Smith lied about the paternity of her baby when her private life had been so public, or even the secret to frizz-free hair on rainy days.

Just as Demi Moore has an interview published in Vanity Fair in which she reveals details of her relationship with a husband nearly 16 years her junior, Cate Blanchett says she doesn’t get why women date younger men and that she could never do it:

Cate Blanchett says she doesn’t understand why a woman would date a younger man. In “Notes On a Scandal,” the 37-year-old plays a teacher who has an affair with a 15-year-old student. “I blushed my way through the entire movie,” she told the Scottish Daily Record. “I just don’t understand women who go out with younger men. Even women who date men only five years younger than them, I can’t relate to it. . . .I would understand sleeping with a 60-year-old more,”

So she didn’t mention Moore specifically and is just talking about a role, but I couldn’t resist inventing a rivalry where there is none. In the original article she also says she “loves” Brad Pitt, but that “I don’t love him in the sense that I love my husband but I adore him.”

I wouldn’t be too quick to believe all this crap though, The Scottish Daily Record that had this supposed interview with Cate Blanchett recently apologized for making up fake quotes in which Nicole Kidman dissed Angelina Jolie.

Demi Moore, 44, told Vanity Fair that she definitely wants kids with her husband Ashton Kutcher, who will be 29 next month. She also says that her relationship with Kutcher caught them both off guard. Her candidness must have paid off as she’s on the cover of the magazine this month.

Ashton Kutcher bought Demi Moore a rare photography book for Christmas. It’s supposed to be a surprise but if Demi reads the tabloids she’ll be tipped off:

Ashton Kutcher was out doing some early Christmas shopping at Barneys New York in Beverly Hills with a buddy on Wednesday, Dec. 6, when he came across a great gift.

“He was so thrilled with the it — a $2,500 art and photography book with it’s own stand by Peter Beard. It’s a collector’s edition and only 2,500 books are available,” said an eyewitness. “Ashton said it was the ‘perfect gift’!”

And Cameron Diaz bought Justin Timberlake a coveted Sony PlayStation 3. She had one of her flunkies wait in line for hours to get the game console, but it doesn’t matter that the news is out, because Timberlake got his gift early and is already addicted to it:

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE hinted heavily to girlfriend CAMERON DIAZ that a Sony PlayStation 3 was #1 on his Santa Claus list - so she paid an assistant to camp in front of an electronics store from the wee hours onward. Here’s the Good News: After many exhausting hours fighting long lines, the assistant captured the prize and Cameron jumped for joy! The Bad News? She got so excited over snagging the coveted toy, she just couldn’t wait until Christmas to see Lover Boy’s eyes light up with Lover Joy - so she gifted it on Thanksgiving! Justin’s so thrilled he hasn’t stopped playing with the gizmo since he got it - making Cameron a PlayStation widow!

In other cute celebrity Holiday news, Mark Wahlberg says he just wants to see his “daughter’s face when she comes down the stairs” for Christmas, and that he wouldn’t mind some golf stuff too.

David Beckham has hinted that he wants some frying pans for Christmas because he loves to cook.

No, Demi Moore wasn’t kneeling in prayer while she had a little work done, she actually had her knees operated on for cosmetic purposes. I remember reading a while ago that she was interested in getting her knees done and I thought that was bullshit because who would be so obsessed with their looks that they have their knees restructured? Here’s your answer:

The Daily Mail shows before and after photographs of Demi’s knees, and said she had some skin taken in by the guy who did all her other work. It’s possible that her knees look better because she’s wearing tight pantyhose and that the Mail is fabricating this story based on the comparison pictures and that old rumor that she wanted her knees done:

Moore has supposedly had over $400,000 worth of work done, and this knee surgery is said to have added $9,000 to that.

I can see a faint scar over one of her knees in high resolution pictures taken on 9/14, so it’s possible that this is old news. Still, it seems excessive to get one’s knees done. I can see a facelift or some lipo, but knee plastic surgery?

Here are Ashton and Demi at the Hollywood Awards on 10/23. The first five pictures are higher res. [via]

Ashton Kutcher will star in a romantic comedy loosely based on the 1975 Warren Beatty film Shampoo, in which he plays a florist:

Kutcher and his partner Kevin Bisch came up with the idea for the film, which they sold to Columbia pictures for a reported $1.5 million.

Here is Kutcher at Dodger stadium for a Dodger Angels baseball game on 5/21. He’s looking rather rough, but maybe the thought of playing a florist lead him to grow a beard to assert his masculinity.

That 70s show is ending its eight-year run with a finale to air May 18th. Aston Kutcher became famous during his run on the show. Topher Grace also made the transition to the big screen, while Wilmer Valderrama became known for screwing starlets:

The wrap party for the series was held on Saturday night in Los Angeles. Topher Grace was noticeably absent from the party but Ashton Kutcher showed up with his old lady, Demi Moore, and her daughter Rumer. Other cast and friends shown include Don Stark, Kurtwood Smith, Laura Prepon, Mila Kunis, Debra Jo Rupp, Wilmer Valderrama, Josh Meyers, Chris Masterson and Melissa Joan Hart.