I was giving these Ashton Kutcher photos the side-eye yesterday, but I ended up not covering them. Mostly because I was feeling very punky, and I had to go to the doctor, but also because I absolutely loathe Ashton Kutcher at this point, and even looking at his dumb face fills me with rage. Anyway…

Two nights ago, Ashton was at the GQ Magazine Gentleman’s Ball. He went solo, because… I guess he couldn’t convince Demi Moore to come with him? Because it’s too soon for her to walk a red carpet with him, even though most of think she’s not going to leave him for his wandering dong? His date that night was Rabbi Philip Berg, the Kabbalah dude, and Ashton was wearing his wedding ring. Here’s Us Weekly’s take on the evening:

Ashton Kutcher wasn’t his usual wild and crazy self at the GQ Gentleman’s Ball at the Edison Ballroom in NYC on Wednesday night. Although wife Demi Moore was M.I.A. for the evening — where Kutcher was honored for the charity they cofounded, she certainly seemed to be on his mind. Kutcher, 33, wore his wedding ring, and when video monitors played footage of him with his wife of 6 years, the Two and a Half Men star watched with rapt, somber attention.

Instead of Moore, Kutcher’s date for the evening was Rabbi Philip Berg, his spiritual mentor and the current Dean of the worldwide Kabbalah Centre organization.

Sitting down for the dinner with Berg and other companions, Kutcher — rocked by the revelation of his September one-night stand with 22-year-old Sara Leal on the eve of his wedding anniversary with Moore, 48 — was in a atypically pensive, quiet mood. He lit up briefly when he removed his yarmulke to show off his long, shaggy hair to the table. For dinner that night? Salad, salmon, a roll — and a glass of wine, which he chugged within five minutes.

Honored for “Real Men Don’t Buy Girls,” Moore and Kutcher’s foundation which fights child prostitution worldwide, Kutcher took the podium for an emotional, passionate speech — peppered with more than a few expletives — as fellow stars Josh Lucas and Jason Sudeikis looked on.

“Our global issues are getting tougher,” Kutcher said during the speech. “A lot of the things we’re doing we can’t talk about, but I can promise you we’re fighting and we’re going to make a change, so that’s a little about what I’m working on.”

After his speech, Kutcher returned to his seat and stayed low-key and serious while The Roots played a 20-minute set during dessert.

Once the event was over, he and Berg encountered radio personality Craig Schwartz, a.k.a.. “Radio Man,” as they waited for their car outside the ballroom.

Schwartz lightly broached the topic of Kutcher’s marital woes, and whether he was with okay with “everything that’s going on.”

His reply: “Yeah. Yes. I am doing OK, thanks. Thank you for caring. Thank you for caring, really. It means a lot.”

[From Us Weekly]

Page Six had a different take on Ashton’s appearance – they claim Ashton “appeared emotional as he delivered a rambling speech, fighting back tears when he spoke of his fight against sex trafficking. He even managed to incomprehensibly weave in Moammar Khadafy’s death, his study of the Old Testament, social networking, global violence, the sloppy wool hat he was wearing and the Chicago Bears.” Just another sad day in the sad life of The Hot Tube Boner. Gross.

Here’s an honest-to-God question: why is Ashton Kutcher acting like HE is the victim in this situation? Like we’re all just being so MEAN to him because he boned some club girl in a hot tub on his anniversary. He’s such a child.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Here are some new photos of January Jones and her baby Xander, who is being carried by a nanny. Because apparently January doesn’t want to be photographed holding her own baby. That’s like something Goop would think up, honestly. Or maybe January doesn’t want to be photographed with Xander because she knows that it will only spur more speculation as to the baby daddy?

Last week, I wrote about the latest rumors concerning paternity of January Jones’s little baby boy, Xander. Too many of you had emailed and commented that little Xander was a ginger (he’s not really) and that because of this faux “ginger” status, Michael Fassbender MUST be the father. Like January wasn’t wandering around with Bobby Flay last year, right? Anyway, I completely dismiss the idea that Fassie would get anywhere near January’s cold, vanilla bitchery, and I continue to believe that the baby daddy is a married man who worked with January on X-Men: First Class. If you do the math, you can easily figure out that January was in London, working on X-Men while she conceived. I have my theory of who the baby-daddy is (HINT), but no one is saying and no one wants to get sued, so all of it has just remained in “hypothesis” status.

Then last week, Blind Gossip had a blind item that everyone suspected was about January and her mystery paternity. The blind item:

This married actor had a one-night stand with one of his exes, who is an actress in an acclaimed television show. She wound up pregnant.

The actor’s wife found out about the baby, and, to no one’s surprise, went completely ballistic. Both the actor and his wife tried every tactic (money, lawyers, threats to ruin her career) to convince the ex to terminate the pregnancy.

Despite enormous pressure from all sides, the ex decided to keep the baby. The actor’s marriage is now on the rocks. We’re not sure how long everyone can remain tight-lipped about this one. It will be difficult to keep such a bombshell out of divorce proceedings, which will likely occur before the New Year.

[From Blind Gossip]

Michael K theorized it was January, Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore, and ever since then, everybody has been citing this blind item like it’s a sure thing. Media outlets are even calling Ashton and January’s reps to get confirmations or denials (the reps aren’t talking).

Now, Ashton and January did date – from 1998 to 2001. Which is when he broke up with her for Brittany Murphy, right? And then he went on to Demi. But in interviews, January has said that Ashton was unsupportive of her career, and that he was kind of a d-bag to her. So why would she go back for a one night stand with her douchey ex? It doesn’t make any sense, especially when you think that Ashton probably would have had to fly to London to impregnate her. Bad blind item!

Photos courtesy of Fame.

This is just a quick post before I head out. Ashton Kutcher posted a video to something called “Chime.In” which is probably some new internet thing that Ashton is heavily invested in and he’s now trying to make it “happen” by giving his exclusive, douchey statement on it so that a million new people will “join”. Because Ashton is such a maverick! Anyway, no one can figure out to embed the actual video, but here are some highlights from his little douche-soliloquy:

He says, in part:

“I just wanted to open up a little dialogue on the state of honesty. The state of truth. The status of truth as it pertains to literature and media… Publishers (once) held great scrutiny over what they were willing to print because their reputation was on the line. When the cost structure comes down on printing… the level of honesty of literature starts to plummet… I started thinking about that in relation to media and social media today where the threshold to actually have literature printed and distributed… is zero dollars… thereby there is no gatekeeper of the truth…”

“We are our own editors, we are our own publishers and we are our own printers. Therefore, people can b**tardise the truth in any way, shape or form that they want and spread that around the world… A lie can travel halfway around the world before the truth can leave someone’s lips…

“I was thinking that we really have to take it upon ourselves to instil a level of honesty… in the works in the media that we create and share with one another… and be certain that we are doing our own diligence that what we are saying is for the benefit of another.”

[From Starpulse]

Ashton is such a dumb bitch. Here’s the situation: he wants to be able to bitch and moan about all of the “lies” the tabloids spread, but he’s not ever going to sue any of the tabloids because all of the stories they’re printing are true (or “true enough” to withstand a lawsuit). Personally, I think this is part of his defense, his rationale to Demi Moore. “They’re lying about me! The media is so irresponsible! I can’t believe they’re accurately reporting my actions, and publishing photo evidence and interviews with the all of the 20-something skanks I boned! BAD MEDIA!!!” Here’s my message to Ashton: Sue the tabloids OR STFU and GTFO.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Most of these photos are from 2005, except for the one that says 2003 in the text below it

Back in 2005, right after Ashton Kutcher married Demi Moore, two guys claimed to have hacked into Ashton’s e-mail and posted what they said were his voicemail messages. You can read the story and hear the messages here, and there’s a very explicit one from a girl describing having sex with Ashton and telling him she’d like to do it again some time and bring a friend along. (That’s the fourth link on the right column on this page.) Ashton’s team dismissed the messages as a hoax, but The National Enquirer’s gossip columnist, Mike Walker, did some homework and was able to verify that at least one of the messages were authentic. That means that the message from the chick describing how she loved blowing Ashton was probably real, and that Ashton was cheating on Demi just a month into their marriage. Here’s the article from the Enquirer, and it’s a little hard to follow but you get the gist:

Remember when pranksters hacked Ashton’s cell phone and posted online a sex-drenched voice mail message from a female? Ashton’s reps denied all – but I blew the story wide open after listening to another of his messages from a Vegas hotel confirming reservations for “Ashton Kutcher” in the Penthouse Suite. I phoned the hotel, never uttered Kutcher’s name, recited the confirmation number I’d heard and BINGO!… the clerk said “Mr. Kutcher, right?” Then she quickly stammered: “Wait, what’s the code word?” Hello-o! That’s how I proved Ashton’s phone had recorded “phone sex” from a salivating babe savoring an alleged intimate encounter with Demi’s new spouse.

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, October 31, 2011]

So Ashton had an M.O., he’s been doing this for years on the side, and the women we’ve heard from so far are only the ones who have talked. When someone cheats a few years into a relationship, it’s surely devastating to the person that was betrayed but there are ways for the cheater to justify it, as weak as those excuses are. Things like: times were tough, we’ve grown apart over the years, I craved the excitement, etc. The fact that Ashton was cheating on Demi almost from the moment they were married just goes to show that he’s a cheating douche, and that he was going to get his rocks off on the side no matter what was going on in his marriage. I really do feel sorry for Demi now. This makes me wonder how much she knew, too. Did Ashton confess to that one chick who went public last year, and did they go to counseling and work through it? Obviously he didn’t change at all. She needs to realize that the guy is a dog, he was lying to her for years, and that she deserves better. I hope that it’s true that she’s just pretending that she wants to save the relationship and that she’s already checked out, but I doubt it.

As Demi Moore continues to wear her wedding ring and seems to be focusing on Kabbalah counseling sessions to strengthen her marriage, it is getting more and more difficult to have sympathy for her. Still, I do feel bad. She looks like hell and I wouldn’t trade places with her for all the money in the world. What’s worse is the tabloids seem hellbent on forcing the divorce issue when clearly Demi is all “I can save my marriage!” It’s like she can’t admit that this whole cougar thing blew up in her face. I’d like to think that Demi is strong, that she could walk away and find a better, healthier situation for herself. But it seems like she’s not that strong.

OK! Magazine has a story about how Demi’s daughters are rallying behind her in the wake of Ashton’s douche implosion:

Amid the celebrity scandal swirling around Demi Moore’s crumbling marriage to the wayward Ashton Kutcher, most of the focus has been on Demi’s anguish: The erstwhile Brat Packer has cultivated a sexy, we-should-all-look-that-good-at-48 image, burnished by her union with 15-years younger Ashton.

But now the facade is collapsing as it turns out that her May-September husband is chasing 20-somethings like Sara Leal and, allegedly, Brittney Jones — who are young enough to be Demi’s daughters (with her ex, Bruce Willis).

So, what about those daughters, Rumer, 23, Scout, 20, and 17-year-old Tallulah? How are they handling the betrayal by Ashton, whom the young women always called “MOD,” for My Other Dad?

“They’re horrified,” a close family friend tells OK!. “They really care about their mom and adore Ashton; they don’t want to think of him as a sex-addict monster like Tiger Woods.

“Without a doubt, Rumer and Tallulah are angry with him,” the pal adds. “He slept with a random girl their age [Sara]. I’m not sure which was worse — the fact that it happened, or the fact that he didn’t come clean about cheating until he was caught. It came as such a shock to read about it.”

Adds another insider, “The girls can’t believe he’d humiliate the family like that for one night of lust. Ashton was like a brother to them. They were supportive of him last year, when the story came out (complete with a purported sex tape) about Brittney Jones. They convinced Demi to give Ashton another chance.”

COMFORTING MOM
Devastated as they are in the wake of their mother’s very public ordeal, Demi’s girls are giving her staunch support — as is their father, Bruce.

“The girls were all there immediately, comforting her,” Demi’s pal tells OK!. “Everyone has created a unit that’s going to band together. It’s been a surprise to everyone how Bruce has stepped up and served as a calming force supportive not only to Demi and the kids, but also to Ashton.”

FACING THE FUTURE
With divorce talk shadowing the family, some friends hope for a reconciliation.

“Some of us think that this might make Ashton and Demi more open and honest with each other,” the pal says.

But Demi’s daughters remain worried. “What if it is a Tiger Woods situation?” the friend tells OK!. “They can only imagine how awful this could all end up. They just want it all to go away.”

[From OK! Magazine]

I think the girls have every right to be concerned that this is a “Tiger Woods situation”. The tabloids just get the low-hanging fruit of infidelity – and Ashton wasn’t trying to hide his hot tub time with Sarah Leal. I wonder if he had some affairs that he was actually trying to hide?

By the way, most tabloids are painting the same version of this story – Now Magazine and The Enquirer had similar ones last week, where sources claimed that “When Bruce found out he flipped. Bruce believes if you mess with someone he loves, you mess with him. He trusted Ashton not to hurt his family and is planning to give him a piece of his mind. When he finally catches up with him it won’t be pretty… Demi is still a big part of Bruce’s life as the mother of his children. He’s clearly concerned about her to the point that when someone [on the set of his new film] made a joke about what’s going on he gave them a real dressing down. No one has mentioned it since.” I would pay to see Bruce kick Ashton’s ass.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Earlier this year, a blind item came out about a famous “married” couple who never bothered to get a wedding license after their religious ceremony. It read, in part “While their wedding was a religious commitment ceremony and family party, they never got around to the actual marriage license part.” Most of us suspected Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher at the time, and it looks like we may have been right. A new racketeering lawsuit has been filed against high profile Kabbalah cult members including Ashton Kutcher and Madonna that alleges that there’s no such thing as a “Kabbalah” wedding. What’s more is that the lawsuit states that Moore and Kutcher aren’t even legally married under California law. This puts an interesting spin on Demi and Ashton’s divorce. Maybe they don’t even have to go through one. (California does not recognize common law marriages, assuming Moore and Kutcher are not legally married.)

The bad news is that this lawsuit is being filed by one guy who is representing himself after getting stiffed by Madonna and deciding to look into the cult. It’s worded poorly, judging by the excerpts posted by Radar, and the guy suing isn’t even a former Kabbalah member. So while the lawsuit sounds promising at first, it could go nowhere and the man filing it might not have any insider information.

But now the state of the relationship faces a whole new level of inquiry, as a lawsuit that was filed earlier this year alleges that their marriage isn’t even legal, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting.

Marc Aisen filed a lawsuit on March 29, suing Kutcher, Madonna, and other Kabbalah members for racketeering and conspiracy to engage in a pattern of racketeering activity. Aisen is representing himself in the case.

The lawsuit states: “Mr. Kutcher made a media circus out of his Kabbalah wedding to actress and hardcore Kabbalah cult member, Demi Moore, who is a longtime friend of the defendant Ms. Ciccone. As the ‘First Couple’ of organized Kabbalah, the ‘wedding’ presided over by defendant and alleged fraudster, Yehuda Berg — which I am pointing out again was not a private family affair, as all parties used it as a publicity stunt and invited media attention — was not a legal union, nor is the marriage according to California law.

“Nor is the myth that there is such a thing as a traditional Kabbalah wedding as I can’t seem to find evidence in any book that such a ceremony was ever performed in history. It was a way to put a glamorous face on the weird witches which is antisocial in their every manifestation.”

Aisen, who is Jewish, but not a follower of Kabbalah, began investigating the practices after claiming he designed a talisman necklace for Madonna that was worth $500. “There was one caveat to my generosity which was that I stipulated that Ms. Ciccone was to model the necklace in public and give me credit for designing it,” the docs state. Aisen says Madonna was photographed wearing the necklace but never gave him credit for it, and this is when he began “homework on the Kabbalah Center. What I found, I did not like. I learned the Kabbalah Centre is actually a militant and fanatical cult behind which is a racketeering conspiracy,” the lawsuit says.

[From Radar]

Anything that helps shed light onto the very illegal and money-hungry Kabbalah cult is welcome, but again who knows if it’s even true that Demi and Ashton never made it legal? It might explain Demi’s unwillingness to let go. She was last seen looking positively skeletal and still wearing her wedding ring. Somehow she seems a very sympathetic figure despite all the crowing she’s done over the years about her relationship with Ashton. How humiliating would it be for her, not only to have been cheated on so publicly, but to have it come out that she’s not even married to Ashton? These two have been “married” for six years. If it’s true that they never went through the step of getting a license, what was holding them back? Did Demi know that Ashton wasn’t faithful and was that keeping her from making it official? Did Ashton have reservations that he ended up acting out passive aggressively by cheating? These two presented such a united front for years and maybe it was just that – a front.

The NY Post reports that Demi and Ashton had four hours of marriage counseling at the Kabbalah center in LA on Friday before Demi went to NY alone to attend the premiere for Margin Call. So they’re trying to hang in there. Everyone is talking about how skinny Demi looks, with Radar quoting an “expert” who estimates her weight, at 5’5″ tall, to be just 90 pounds.

Demi and Ashton are shown on 1/11/11. Demi is shown alone on 10/18/11. Credit: WENN.com

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Leal comes on at 1:10.

The Today Show has video of US Magazine’s interview with Sara Leal, the “22″ year-old “administrative assistant” who hooked up with Ashton Kutcher a couple of weeks ago at the Hard Rock Hotel in San Diego. Yesterday we heard that Sara told US Weekly, in pretty gross detail, the story of her night with Ashton. She’d had sex with Ashton twice, it lasted for two hours, and they didn’t use a condom. In the video I saw of Sara, taken by US and aired on the Today Show (above) she comes across as just as vapid as any chick who would screw a well known married man and go running to the tabloids about it. She laughs repeatedly, looks pretty proud about the whole thing while she recounts it, and just sounds dumb to me. According to US Weekly, they didn’t pay her for the interview. I bet they paid her quite a bit for the photo shoot, though.

Radar Online is reporting that Ashton is “telling friends and associates that he is expecting his wife, Demi Moore to file for divorce.” A source tells them that Ashton “is hoping they can work it out,” and is “asking Demi not to file for divorce, but there is nothing he can do to stop her.” That’s such a passive aggressive douche move. Cheat on your wife, get caught, then leave it up to her to end the relationship. I would expect that from Ashton although I doubt Demi is ready to file. I think she still wants to make it work, hence the weekend camping pow wow with spiritual advisers.

Meanwhile “Two and a Half Men” is slipping in the ratings, relatively, to when it was on top with Charlie Sheen at the helm. It’s still a ratings powerhouse, but Ashton is said to be worried about it. It’s third in the ratings overall as opposed to when it was first.

Also, Demi Moore’s new ad campaign for Ann Taylor just came out. She’s so photoshopped she looks like an alien. It’s hard to tell where her plastic surgery ends and the airbrushing begins.

Last week, as Ashton Kutcher’s wandering dong and its various sketchy escapades eclipsed all other gossip stories, there was a surprising report via Life & Style. I thought it was just a planted story from Ashton’s team, trying to justify Ashton’s zipper problems, but I also thought there could something there. The basic gist was that Ashton and Demi’s marriage was on the rocks not because of Ashton’s dong, but because of Demi’s ongoing substance abuse problems. Demi used to have issues, back in the 1980s, but she’s allegedly been clean and sober since then. Last week’s report made it seem like Ashton left Demi as some sort of exercise in “tough love”. Now In Touch is piling on, claiming that Demi is drowning her sorrows in liquor:

Demi Moore is spiraling out of control according to a new report in InTouch Weekly. The magazine alleges that Demi, 48, has been behaving more like a ‘Girl Gone Wild’ over the past year instead of a married mom-of-three. The report claims that Demi has been so insecure that her husband Ashton Kutcher, 33, would leave her for a younger woman that she has reportedly turned to drinking.

“Demi is a complete mess,” a friend reveals. “The last year of her life has been a downward spiral, and she’s being urged to face her demons.”

The magazine points out one instance when Demi and Ashton were having their home renovated and Demi reportedly greeted the workers “sloppy drunk” every day.

“She would be drunk to the point of sexy dancing and passing out,” says the insider. “The workers were embarrassed for Ashton. Demi seemed to insecure — like she was working so hard to prove her appeal.”

Demi entered rehab in the 80s for a reported cocaine addiction and after a two week stint she was said to have kicked the habit for good.

“Demi is in a bad place, and her loved ones are concerned,” says the source. “They want her to get better … it’s a misconception that she was ever 100 percent sober. She’s been drinking for years.”

[From Hollywood Life]

“She would be drunk to the point of sexy dancing and passing out” – ah, college. “Youwannaseemedance? Issosexy. Zzzzz….” As I said last week, I’ll buy that Demi Moore has issues. I’ll buy that she’s drinking a lot and drowning her sorrows. I’ll buy that she has self-esteem issues – I think that‘s why she hasn’t left him, even with a perfectly good “out” and the potential to play it all for sympathy. What I don’t buy is that Ashton left her in a fury of “tough love” and that he was only boning 20-somethings in the hot tub because he was so “worried” about Demi.

Cover courtesy of In Touch, additional pics by Fame.

It was just about a year ago that Ashton Kutcher’s first known mistress, Brittney Jones, talked to the press. At that time Brittany said that Ashton told her that “he and Demi have an open relationship and have threesomes often,” in order to justify their hookup, which in no way involved Demi. (That we know of.) It looks like Ashton has changed his pickup line, because he told his latest mistress that he and Demi were separated. Sara Leal is the party girl who slept with Ashton at the Hard Rock Hotel in San Diego on what would have been his sixth anniversary about two and a half weeks ago. So far we’ve heard the story of that night from “sources” and from Sara’s “friend,” who confirmed that Sara and Ashton “definitely boned.” A couple of outlets met Sara’s asking price for an interview, and she just spoke to US Weekly and to British rag The Sun about her night with Ashton. In fact Sara takes the cover of US this week and it looks like she got fresh extensions for the occasion. A lot of the crap that Sara claims Ashton told her made me cringe. She also claimed that they didn’t use protection. Gross.

US Weekly: He was tender, they didn’t use a condom
In the new Us Weekly, the 22-year-old San Diego-based administrative assistant breaks her silence about the fateful early morning of Sept. 24 — Kutcher’s six-year anniversary with wife Demi Moore — when she had sex with the actor, 33, following a wild, all-night party in his suite at San Diego’s Hard Rock Hotel.

“He just came up and kissed me,” the Texas native tells Us of Kutcher’s first bold move in the wee hours; minutes later, Leal, Kutcher and another young woman were completely nude and in a hot tub on the balcony.

“I didn’t think it was out of the ordinary,” Leal admits. “I wasn’t self-conscious about getting naked.”

When Kutcher claimed that he was “separated” from wife Moore, 48, Leal tells Us she believed him.

After retreating to Kutcher’s bedroom past 6 a.m., “he lost his towel and I took my robe off,” Leal says. “Then we had sex.”

“He was good,” Leal reveals. “It wasn’t weird or perverted.” It also wasn’t 100 percent safe, either: Leal tells Us that Kutcher did not wear a condom during their one-on-one encounter.

The post-coital talk was a little unexpected, she confesses; the duo talked astrology (they’re both Aquarius), religion, love, even politics. “I told him I was a Lutheran from Texas. He said, ‘Oh my gosh! Are you a Republican?’” Leal says.

Democratic-leaning Kutcher quizzed her on “up-and-coming candidates. I said Rick Perry. He asked if I’d vote for him. I said I didn’t know and he laughed. He laughed at pretty much everything I said.”

But it wasn’t all twenty questions between the lovers, according to Leal. After having sex for a second time — and arguing over Leal’s cell phone — the married Two and a Half Men star was tender.

“He was like, ‘I enjoy things like this because I’m an actor 90 percent of the time and it’s fake. It’s nice to have moments that are real,’” Leal recalls.

---

The Sun: Ashton wanted a threesome, checked out her body afterwards
Speaking to The Sun newspaper, Sara described how she had sex twice with the 33-year-old actor.

She said: ‘We had sex twice. Everything felt natural. We were having a good time. He was good, but it wasn’t weird or perverted or creepy.

‘He had good endurance. We were up for a while. It was about two hours.’

Leal described how earlier in the night he had kissed her and her friend Marta on the bed of his hotel room.

‘I’m sure he wanted to have a threesome,’ she said. ‘It was clear he wasn’t opposed to it.’

Sara said there were around 20 revellers partying with Kutcher in his lavish suite, drinking vodka, tequila and beer.

Most of the guests left at around 5am, leaving Kutcher with Sara and some of her girlfriends.

Leal claims they then all jumped in the hot tub naked, saying: ‘Ashton looked hot naked.’

When one of Sara’s friends asked if Kutcher was married, Leal claims he replied: ‘I am separated’.

After the hot tub session, Sara and friend Marta ended up in Kutcher’s bed – but Marta left after a short while leaving Kutcher alone with Sara.

‘The last thing I remember him saying was he did a good job. We woke up and I wearing a robe.

‘He opened it up and I was like “What are you doing?” He was like, “Just checking. Ok, I did good. You’re really pretty.’”

[From US Weekly and The Sun via The Daily Mail]

Yes she’s “22″ and an “administrative assistant” from a small town in Texas. She just happened to be there that night, and to be playing the press perfectly after boning Ashton. The article in the Daily Mail has more about Ashton and Demi’s big camping weekend with Kabbalah counselors that Kaiser covered yesterday. I knew that it was Yom Kippur last weekend, but I didn’t realize that it was a special day of atonement in the Jewish religion. (I’m a little slow on the uptake and I tend to ignore anything having to do with religion.) To me that means that Demi could be using her faith to justify taking Ashton back. She’s probably heartbroken, really wants it to work and is pushing him to stay in the marriage. It’s hard to say whether Ashton wants to stay or not. I’ve seen guys cheat who are conflicted at leaving their wives and don’t want to give up the stable easy home life while they get some strange on the side. Demi needs to face it, though, Ashton has been doing this for a while. These are the two women that he’s cheated with that we know of. There are surely plenty more.

Ashton sent a tweet to Demi, finally, wishing her luck with something. He also changed the background of his Twitter accoun to this weird clock with emotion names listed where the numbers should be. At 12 is “epiphany,” followed by “anxiety,” “duty,” “guilt,” “indifference,” etc. Ashton’s was pointing to “anxiety” and “fear.” He doesn’t know what the hell he wants.

Ashton is shown with Jon Cryer while Cryer gets a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame on 9/19/11. Credit: WENN.com

At this point, I know we barely give a crap about Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. We just want the BS to be over so we can pay attention to more worthy celebrities (Fassbender!). So, with that in mind, let’s just power through this neverending saga of infidelity, red-string-spirituality, mind-numbing douchebaggery, Botox, sadness and S’mores. Yes, Radar, People and Star Magazine are all reporting that Demi, Ashton and a Kabbalah instructor all went on a “camping trip” to Cachuma Lake. They were photographed together – go here to see one of the better photos at The Insider. So… Demi hasn’t hired a divorce lawyer? She isn’t going to play a “split” for sympathy? She’s just going to power through and act like Ashton’s wandering dong never happened? Ugh. Here’s the exhaustive story from Radar:

Two and a Half Men star Ashton Kutcher used Yom Kippur, the holiest and most solemn day of the year for Jews, to beg his heartbroken wife Demi Moore for forgiveness — at a campfire heart-to-heart in Santa Barbara, Calif., RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting. As these exclusive photos obtained by Star magazine reveal, the 33-year-old serial cheater used the Day of Atonement to make amends for his ultimate sin: cheating on Demi with blonde Sara Leal, 23, on September 24 — the morning of their sixth anniversary.

The fireside chat is the first time the embattled pair has been seen photographed together in three months and since news broke of Ashton’s wild hot-tub party awash with booze and blondes.

Reuniting at Cachuma Lake in the Santa Ynez Valley, Demi and Ashton had desperately wanted the October 8 rendezvous to remain a secret — their last ditch attempt to resurrect a faltering union. So much so, the Ghost star, 48, reacted with fury after a fellow camper snapped this series of photographs of the Hollywood megastars, who were dressed down from their usual red carpet glamor.

Looking gaunt and tired, Demi confronted the amateur photographer and tried in vain to block the woman’s camera, screaming in her face: “Please don’t take photos of me or my family. Please don’t expose this.”

Demi and the camper went nose-to-nose before the hostile star scurried back to the camp and ordered Ashton and their three friends to hide inside their tent in a bid to avoid being snapped further, according to an eye Witness.

“Demi was screaming,” the onlooker told Star. “Once she knew she had been photographed, she whistled at Ashton and gestured for him to hurry into the tent.”

“It was obvious,” added the source, “that Demi was showing the strain about the state of her marriage.”

Wearing jeans and a burgundy and grey hooped sweater, Demi also reaffirmed her commitment to Kabbalah, the controversial religious offshoot of Judaism that is counseling the pair, by wearing its red string bracelet on her left wrist. The red string custom is meant to bring good fortune and protect against an ‘evil eye’. While Demi and Ashton are not Jewish, they along with several other non-Jewish celebrities, including Madonna, have converted to the mystical faith.

Seven weeks ago, the couple turned to Kabbalah and signed up for the religion’s counseling in order to save their marriage. The religion teaches its superstar believers that “difficulties and disagreements are without exception opportunities” for them to become “that right person,” according to relationship advice posted on its website.

“Even hard times or points of conflict are opportunities for positive change,” it’s claimed.
“What seems to be a problem is actually a gift: a chance to remove an internal obstacle that stands between ourselves and the unlimited happiness that is our real destiny.”

Twenty-fours before their love summit in the great outdoors at Cachuma Lake, located 30 Minutes from Santa Barbara, the pair stepped out together for a Kabbalah service in Los Angeles. What’s more, the embattled Hollywood power duo also gave a series of visual signs that their marriage is fighting for its life — by being photographed wearing their respective wedding rings.

But a top source close to the couple insisted, “it’s over.”

“The marriage is dead,” the insider told Star. “Demi desperately wanted to save their marriage. But the San Diego cheating scandal is a hard one for her to stomach, as it is backed up by photos. It humiliated Demi.”

[From Radar]

Is Demi trying to save her marriage, or her image as a desirable cougar who can have any (young) man she wants? Is she genuine in her seeming desire to work through her issues with Ashton? I don’t know at this point. And I’m not even sure Ashton is “begging” Demi to let him come back. But you know what? I’ve been wrong before about these kinds of cheating douches and the women who enable them. Notably, with Justin Timberlake. Is anyone else getting a Timberlake-Jessica Biel vibe from Demi and Ashton? Like a vibe of, “Why are they even together at this point? It makes no sense.”

Photos courtesy of Fame.