It’s August 30th, which means there’s only 116 days left ‘till Christmas, so we best whip out the “Dick in a Box” video again. It’s like Christmas in July, but we’re on the quarter system here. It turns out that there actually is a real – and wonderful – reason to tune into the Emmys this year: Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake will be performing their (now) classic holiday song “Dick in a Box.” It’s right up there with “God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen” now. The lyrically gifted song - a Freudian lovefest and feminist nightmare – is nominated in the Original Music and Lyrics category. But it turns out there’s a bit of controversy of the lyrics – I have no idea why.

“Justin Timberlake doesn’t want to cover up his ‘Dick’ at the Emmys. As I first reported, Timberlake and Andy Samberg are said to be in talks to perform their Saturday Night Live skit ‘Dick in a Box’ at the Primetime Emmys Sept. 16. A source reports that things may have hit a snag because the show’s producers have apparently asked Timberlake and Samberg to change the words of the racy ditty to make it more family friendly. The ceremony airs on Fox at 8 p.m.

“I’m told the singer and the actor have balked at the request. When the holiday-themed skit debuted on SNL in December, the word ‘dick’ was bleeped out 16 times. The skit features Timberlake and Samberg bearing gifts attached to their man parts while crooning to their ladies. The funny thing is that if the Emmys performance were to occur, it’s possible Timberlake and Samberg could have already been named winners by that time, since ‘Dick in a Box’ is nominated for Original Music and Lyrics. It goes up against Family Guy’s ‘My Drunken Irish Dad,’ MADtv’s ‘Merry Ex-Mas’ and double-nominee Scrubs for ‘Guy Love’ and ‘Everything Comes Down to Poo.’ The Original Music and Lyrics award will be bestowed Sept. 8 at the Creative Arts Emmy ceremony, a week before the Primetime Emmys.

[From E! News]

Oh man, I think I just found my dream Emmy category. As much as I love “Family Guy” more than any other show, and admire any song titled “Everything Comes Down to Poo” (because it’s both funny and true) “Dick in a Box” is infinitely better than all the rest. I’ll even dare to say that it’s the greatest 3 minutes of singing ever put on television. Don’t challenge me on this, I will hear no arguments. The song, inspired by ’90s R&B bands, is lyrically genius, as it explains the male psyche more succinctly than any psychologist ever could. It also sounds oddly like most of *Nsync’s Christmas CD - not that I’ve ever heard it, nor do I own it, nor do I play it from the day after Thanksgiving through January 1st – which is okay, because there’s a New Years song on there. Let’s pray that the FOX sensors back down (it’s not like it’s Cock in a Box… thought that’d be funny too) and our television screens are graced with a live performance this September 16th.

Here’s the video one more time, because you know you wanted to watch it again, and were about to head over to YouTube anyway.

The Teen Choice Awards really lacked some sparkle this year. Though it’s not exactly the Oscars, it’s not the Blockbuster Awards either, and they tend to always get the desperate celebrities – Paris Hilton is a mainstay of the show. But neither she, Britney Spears, or Lindsay Lohan showed up this year, and not because all three were in jail or rehab at that exact time – though the odds of that were pretty good. It turns out the Teen Choice Awards were going to have a category called “Newsmakers of the Year” – a nice way to say “Moronic Decision of the Year that got a lot of Press” award. Apparently all three of their publicists freaked, and even though the category was scrapped, refused to let their clients go anyway.

“Hollywood’s top party tarts aren’t the BFFs they used to be, but that’s not why Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan ditched the ‘Teen Choice Awards,’ last Sunday. According to the New York Post’s Page Six, all three took a pass at the requests of their publicists, none of which much appreciated a new category for which their clients were nominated.”

“‘There was originally going to be a “Newsmakers of the Year” award,’ an insider told Page Six. ‘Paris was nominated for her 23-day stint in jail, Lindsay for her latest DUI bust and Britney for the infamous head-shaving incident. But none of them would dare to show up … all the publicists (for the celebutards) went crazy on Fox, and they just scrapped the category.’ Some particularly uptight parents might go so far as to venture none of these young ladies actually achieved anything appropriate for an award show aimed at kids.”

[From MSNBC.com]

I wasn’t aware Britney even had a publicist anymore, but whoever told her to stay on her couch with the Cheetos was a good person. None of these ladies deserved to be nominated for an award unless they actually called it what it was “The Worst Decision of the Year” award. Calling it something glossy just glosses over their stupid decisions. Speaking of stupid decision, it was reported today that Britney Spears actually had first dibs to record Rihanna’s hit-of-the-summer song “Umbrella” and passed. Smart move – I mean when you’re trying to orchestrate a career comeback, who wants a hit song?

“Britney Spears was offered the chance to record Umbrella, before Rihanna made it a number one hit - but the pop princess turned it down. American music producer Tricky Stewart - who created the track - has confessed Spears was given first option on the song.

“He made the revelation to British singer/songwriter Taio Cruz. Cruz says, ‘I was working with Tricky in his studio the day he finished Umbrella. As soon as I heard it I said, “That is a smash, I have to have it,” but he told me it was on hold for Britney. He waited but Britney’s people never called him back.’ Rihanna turned the song into a huge hit, holding the number one spot in the U.K. chart for a staggering 10 weeks.”

[From Starpulse]

I don’t really need to say anything more about that decision. Except that it was about as dumb as shaving her head bald.

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s some random, Britney out shopping today at Club Monaco. Header image of host Ryan Seacrest from the Teen choice Awards. Images thanks to Splash Photos.

There was some back-and-forth about Lily Allen’s work visa issues. We published an article a few weeks ago which stated that her visa had been revoked, and then updated it based on Allen’s publicists statement that the issue was blown out of proportion by the media. Well it turns out that the publicist was full of bull, because Lily has had to cancel her appearance at the MTV Music Awards and postpone her US tour.

“Her tour was due to begin in San Diego on 6 September but a record company spokesman said reinstating the visa was ‘taking longer than anticipated’.

“The visa was cancelled after Allen flew into Los Angeles and was questioned over an assault in London.

“’I’m so disappointed. I’ll be back as soon as I can,’ said the singer, 22.

“Her spokesman denied she had been dropped from the MTV ceremony in Las Vegas on 9 September.”

[From the BBC]

Publicists annoy the crap out of me. You can have stories from reputable sources like the AP, BBC, and Reuters and they’ll still say it’s not true. Just because you don’t want it to be true doesn’t mean it isn’t. Well even though Allen’s publicist called reports of her suspended work visa “rubbish” and said “’She’s in Las Vegas [shooting a video] right now,’” the reports were entirely true. All of the stories made it clear that Lily had been allowed into the country, but that her visa had been suspended which meant that she wouldn’t be allowed back into the country once she left. It’s screwy and makes no sense, but that’s how it works. Lily is said to be really upset, since she made a commitment to her fans. She canceled a string of US performances a few months ago, and was supposedly looking forward to a more successful tour.

“’She was not dropped from the awards and MTV are hugely disappointed that she will not be able to participate,’” he [Lily’s manager] said. The singer, whose hits include Smile, is nominated for best newcomer. ‘I was really looking forward to playing these shows and being part of the video music awards,’ Allen said.

“The singer had previously said she would do ‘everything I can’ to honour the US tour dates. Earlier this year, Allen postponed a string of other dates in the US saying she was “bored” and wanted to concentrate on her second album.

“She was arrested following an incident outside a London nightclub in March and this resulted in a caution for common assault. Allen is due to perform at this weekend’s V Festival after pulling out of several other European festivals due to illness.”

[From the BBC]

That sucks for Lily, as I can kind of understand going apeshit on a bunch of photographers. When we look at the pictures of celebrities, it normally just seems like there’s one photographer, or you even forget that they’re there. Then you see those videos of someone just walking down the street with a million flashes going off. I’m not saying we should feel sorry, I mean they’re famous, rich, and knew what they were getting into. But I can’t imagine how a person could function like that. It would be distracting and scary, so a well-aimed kick to a photog’s crotch once in a while may be understandable. But in a weird way I’m glad her visa was revoked, because she did commit a crime in her own country, and if anyone else did that, they wouldn’t be granted a visa. So I’m glad Lily’s no exception just because she’s famous. And I want to find her publicist and kick him in the crotch for all the double talk.

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s Lily at Kanye West 30th Birthday Party on June 7th. Header image of Lily at the Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix London premiere on July 3rd. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Oscar-winning screenwriter and actor Matt Damon received the 2,343rd Star on The Hollywood Walk Of Fame yesterday. The ceremony was held in front of the Kodak Theatre, and he was accompanied by his wife Luciana and mother, Nancy Carlsson-Paige.

Speaking to the crowd, Damon reminisced about his humble beginnings in Hollywood with fellow actor and co-star in Good Will Hunting, Ben Affleck:

“Ben and I lived in a really, really crappy apartment about five blocks away from here,” said Damon, who recently starred in crime-caper Ocean’s 13 as well as Martin Scorsese’s Oscar-winning The Departed.

“We used to walk up and down here, and look at these stars and … I hoped, I dreamed that this would happen but I … thank you, thanks a lot.”

[From The Sydney Morning Herald]

I love how Damon has managed his career and has maintained his integrity in Hollywood. He’s a wonderful actor and seems like a great guy and I’m surprised he hasn’t received a star yet.

The Bourne Ultimatum also premiered yesterday and we’ll have the pictures coming up soon. Congratulations to Matt.

Thanks to Splash News for these pics.

When I first saw this photo set, I though “oh that’s great that Queen Latifah got a star on the walk of fame,” and I assumed it was in Hollywood since she’s an accomplished singer/actress and all and it seems like she deserves one. Then I saw the actual star and realized it wasn’t your typical cookie-cutter sidewalk tribute. It turns out that her star is in Newark, NJ as part of their performing arts center walk of fame. Queen Latifah is from Newark so it all makes sense to me now.

The thing is, Queen Latifah already got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame last year, and she looked a lot more enthusiastic at that event. Maybe she’s just tired from all the promotion work for Hairspray.

Queen Latifah’s young costars from Hairspray were on hand to support her at the NJ ceremony. Amanda Bynes, Nikki Blonski, Elijah Kelley, and Zac Efron also attended.

Queen Latifah is going to open a franchise of Fat Burger, a fast food restaurant. She says “That was part of my Los Angeles education. On Sundays in California everybody would come out in all these low-riders. FatBurger was, like, the centerpiece for it all.” Queen Latifah’s Fat Burger will be located in Miami. Is this a decent burger joint and have any of you eaten there? I’ve never heard of it, although I lived on the East Coast all my life before moving to Europe and it sounds like a California thing.

Thanks to PR Photos for these pictures.

Sorry if you’re a Heath Ledger fan, but he’s looking really fug. It doesn’t seem to bother his maybe-wife and the mother of his baby, Michelle Williams, as she’s still staring at him adoringly on the red carpet. Her hair is a bit of a risk, but it’s surely low-maintenance, and along with what I believe are some new features, she’s looking rather cute in that pixie cut.

Heath, on the other hand, needs to lose the caterpillar facial hair and soul patch and get a Britney ‘do. If you’re losing your hair, guys, and you’ve got a decent-shaped head, shave it off. I personally have a thing for bald and balding guys and think they’re hot with the right attitude and close-cropped haircut. Heath is an attractive, albeit arrogant-seeming guy, and he would look great in a nice short buzz cut. He’s probably cultivating the unkempt look to keep the female fans at bay, though, and it’s working.

Leo DiPorkchop gains a few lbs, while Heath doesn’t wash his hair, grows a bad moustache, and wears really ugly sunglasses. They both have their means of ensuring that their days as a teen heart throb are well behind them.

Heath and Michelle are shown at the Independent Spirit Awards, where Ryan Gosling and Shareeka Epps took home the surprise awards for best actor and actress for roles in Half Nelson, while Little Miss Sunshine won best picture, best screenplay and best director. Sarah Silverman hosted the ceremony.

Pictures from GossipRocks.

Note: I do not think Kate Winslet will win for best actress, but I would like her to.

I’m excited for the Oscars tonight, but am trying not to get my hopes up. The year’s most anticipated awards ceremony has often dissapointed viewers hoping for glamour and drama. Self-congratulatory segments and clip montages make it seem more like an industry conference than a night meant to celebrate the best in entertainment.

The NY Times reports that People magazine’s website got more pageviews after The Golden Globes than the number of people who tuned into the actual show. More people will probably get their Oscar fix online, on their own time, than bother to stay up and watch it.

Last year all the nominees were sent a how-to video starring Tom Hanks which encouraged them to keep speeches short and funny. The only winner who seemed to have watched the tape was George Clooney. This year the Academy has installed a special backstage camera for effusive winners who want to thank their makeup artist and the people who answer the phone at CAA. The idea is that footage of over-emotional celebrities going on for ages will be shielded from the ever-shrinking television audience but kept on the Oscar website for all those people who will be touched at being remembered.

Host Jon Stewart got blamed for a crap show last year when I thought he worked incredibly well with the bad material he was given. Tonight Ellen Degeneres will be hosting, and I find her mildly entertaining but rather bland. She’ll do a decent job, but you can’t make big waves on a row boat.

It’s easy to blame the celebrity speeches or the host for an event that’s just poorly managed. Producers of the Oscars need to get a tighter reign on the timing, relegate more awards to secondary ceremonies, and include programming that is actually funny and inspiring. They need to hire good writers and cut out all the industry fluff. Considering that their big pre-announced improvement is a backstage webcam, I doubt we’ll see much of a difference this year.

Warning Spoilers of Oscar-night plans that will still not save this overlong wreck:

There are some changes afoot, though, and supposedly they have hired better writers, had well-known directors produce the clip shows, and are using computer animation to make it look like Ellen is dancing with the penguins from Little Feet in the opening skit. They’re also resorting to spreading the awards out more throughout the show to try to force people to sit through all the filler to see which of their favorite actors takes home a statue. Having Steven Spielberg, Francis Ford Coppola, and George Lucas present the Best Director award together is supposed to be a big surprise, as is having the stars of Dreamgirls sing their castmates’ songs.

Oh, and since there’s no clear frontrunner in the best picture category, there’s the hope that people will watch until the bitter end to get to the news that Babel has won. (I really think The Departed should win, but since Scorcese is overdue for his Oscar for best director, people think the best picture will go to Babel.)

Other Oscar predictions from AndPop.com:
Best Director: Martin Scorcese
Best Actor: Forrest Whitaker
Best Actress: Helen Mirren
Best Supporting Actor: Eddie Murphy
Best Supporting Actress: Jennifer Hudson
Best Original Screenplay: Babel (Although another source, The Salt Lake Tribune has Little Miss Sunshine winning in this category, and I think that’s more likely.)
Best Adapted Screenplay: The Departed
Best Animated Picture: Cars

Header image is from Stardoll.com, where you can customize your own red carpet, makeup room, and winner’s podium for the Oscars using scores of different celebrities, outfits and accessories. (Stardoll is not a sponsor of this site, but I do know someone who works there.)

Lucky Guy …and if it all happened ten years ago a very lucky guy. (Unless he’s one of those famous granny chasers you hear so much about these days - then I hope it all went down last week.)

Yes, Sharon Stone and Rupert Everett made out with the same guy, at least according to their onstage banter at the Rodeo Drive Walk of Style Award where Rupert was MC. Pop.nography reports:

“The other day I met a guy we both made out with,” said Sharon Stone to Rupert Everett. “I feel closer to you now than ever before. It’s no longer six degrees of separation.”

Is that last line a clue? Does that mean they both made out with Kevin Bacon? Has anyone told Kyra Sedgwick? And if you crossed Sharon Stone with Rupert Everett wouldn’t the love child come out somewhere in the Kyra Sedwick lookin’ neighbourhood? Or is that just six degrees of unlikely babies?

Sharon continued, very effectively, in her saucy minx mode - trying to bump up the bids for a Lamborghini being auctioned that evening for the Elton John AIDS Foundation:

Stone used a bit of unconventional prodding to get cash from the men in the audience. “I want to take it from your pocket so I can feel how big your penis is when I take it,” she cooed to the crowd. The car, she continued, is “the Viagra of the future.” Her saucy ways worked, and a guy named Vic coughed up $500,000 for the slick sports car.

Some Dudes just love getting Stoned. Even when working the dirty talk from behind a podium Sharon can raise a cool half million. A Stone cold half million.

The award itself was being presented to both Donatella and Gianni Versace. Guests at the swanky do included:

Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony (whose security guard flipped out every time someone approached the pair with a camera), Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, Penelope Cruz, Paris Hilton, Mischa Barton, Prince, Kelly Preston, Drew Barrymore, Quincy Jones, Courtney Love, Naomi Campbell, Cindy Crawford and Randy Gerber, and Jennifer Hudson.

Both guest and presenters were all tasteful enough to avoid Night of the Living Dead jokes even though Gianni Versace has been designing for Jesus and the heavenly host this last decade — and Donatella looks like this.

Although allegedly from the back of the room these famous words were heard:

“That is one beat down looking bitch … Even I could not Beat that bitch any further down …”

pics via Eog and filmweb and rethinkpink

Simple, well cut dresses that emphasized good features hit a high note at last night’s Grammys. Some of these dresses aren’t the best per se, but they fit well and don’t detract from the wearer’s beauty. (I guess I’m saying that Ciara and Beyonce don’t belong in this category, but their dresses aren’t fug enough to land in the worst dressed post, and I don’t feel like adding them separately.)

Bobblehead Christina Ricci really took a chance with a sheer big print flower dress with strips of dark lace and bronze sequins. Her dress even featured a long tail, and she pulled it off with style.

Connie Bailey Rae was cute in a black strapless cocktail dress with a flared short skirt and scalloped texture detail. I would have worn black shoes with it, but since she’s not wearing distracting accessories she was able to get away with silver metallic ankle strap heels.

Beyonce’s dress is really borderline fug, because it’s gathered oddly and the brooch belt and matching decolletage jewerly look tacky.

Rihanna’s long green Greek dress shows too much skin at the side, where it’s hanging oddly and looks like it doesn’t fit her, but she’s lovely otherwise and the dress would be ok if it was just a little more fitted.

Scarlet Johansson wore a tight black cap-sleeved cocktail dress with just the right amount of metallic gold dotted detail.

Shakira and Carrie Underwood had gorgeous long flowing dresses that were solid-colored and fitted on top. Shakira would have done well to lay off the volumizer as her hair looked messy and not sexy as was probably intended. Her red dress with a little empire waist bow was gorgeous, though. Underwood might win best dressed in a shimmering pearl dress with a gathered bust and subtle jewelry at the bustline.

Too-short metallic numbers, poorly chosen belts and ill-fitting dresses ruined the looks of several beautiful women at the Grammys last night. Nelly “bangs” Furtado takes the prize for ugliest outfit in a crazy knee-length strapless gown with feathers or gauze hanging from it and a bodice dripping with gold leaves and black and silver sequins.

Christina Aguilera’s dress wasn’t that bad and fit her well, but it featured several neutral colors that don’t seem to go well together. The empire waist top was white with a layer of lace and bright blue detail while the bottom was a creme color. A brown bow was tied around it and hung far down the front and Aguilera’s skin was orange, really orange. If you look at the part in her hair compared to her face the difference is striking.

Jennifer Hudson’s dress isn’t ugly on its own, but is very unflattering to her figure. Ciara’s dress is too short and looks like it was made by the same designer that outfitted Furtado.

Mary J. Blige paired a wide metallic belt with a chunky buckle with a decent dot dress that probably would have looked great on its own.

Mandy Moore wore a big studded belt around a dress that looks like curtains. Her hair and makeup look like she opted to get high instead of getting ready.

Fergie and Vanessa Minnillo are in too-short metallic dresses. Minnillo doesn’t approach Fergie’s level of fug, but with her figure she should wear a more form-fitting dress.

Attendees that don’t look that bad, but are wearing questionable dresses include Hilary Duff and Alyson Hannigan. Duff’s dress features scaly sequins with lace detail. Hannigan’s dress is a short lace number with a leopard-look belt and hem. It looks like there’s a weird piece of sold cloth hanging off the bottom, like the dress was too short for her and it had to be fixed at the last minute.

Pictures from Gossip Rocks.