I like classy headlines, don’t you? Kanye West, ego of all egos, second coming of Christ, and I think Buddha himself (all in his own opinion) showed an incredibly rare moment of humility this past weekend when he won an award that – by his own estimation – he didn’t deserve.

“Kanye West displayed a rare moment of humility at the BET Hip-Hop Awards on Sunday night. After winning the Video of the Year award for ‘Stronger,’ West took the stage and poked fun at all of the trophies he was passed over for (he lost in all five categories he was nominated for at the MTV Video Music Awards).

“‘Every time I’m nominated for something I fix my scarf, but then I don’t be comin’ up,’ he cracked. He then became uncharacteristically humble and said that he thought the groups UGK and Outkast deserved the award instead for their collaborated song ‘International Players Anthem.’

“‘I’ve been waiting for the opportunity to win an award I shouldn’t win,’ West said, calling the groups to come take his statue. After UGK and Big Boi of Outkast took the stage, they thanked the 30-year-old rapper but then gave the award back to West, saying that he deserved it. The love-in ended with West accepting the award back and everyone leaving the stage.”

[From Us Weekly]

Um… I don’t know what to say? When writing articles about Kanye West, our job is usually to incessantly mock his unshakeable ego and/or compliment his extremely good sense in home décor. I don’t really know what to say when he’s being regular. Thanks for being one of the people? Or at least admitting how awesome Outkast is? I feel so impotent right now.

I feel like we should employ some sort of basic, Pavlovian conditioning with Kanye and give him a cookie or something. Then next time he’s bad, we’ll blow a whistle in his ear. Eventually, if he starts behaving himself more often and being gracious and a good loser, he’ll become really, really fat. And if not, he’ll be deaf. Sounds like a pretty good incentive to be decent to people all the time. Now if only he’d say sorry to MTV, I’d bake him a cake.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s Kanye at Paris Fashion Week on October 5th. Header image at the In Touch Magazine’s 5th Anniversary party at Tenjune Nightclub, Manhattan, NY on Friday. Images thanks to Splash Photos.

Boy do I love me some Q-list celebrities. And who’s more Q-List than Danny Bonaduce? Maybe a random Playboy Playmate, but that’s it. Bonaduce, who was on “The Partridge Family” back in the day and “Breaking Bonaduce” more recently, lost his temper for the 283,485,382,384,381,593 time at the most prestigious of awards show, the Fox “Really Awards” and flipped out on ex-Survivor contestant Jonny Fairplay. Yeah, who? I don’t know. Some dude with curly hair. Fairplay jumped on Bonaduce, basically shoving his crotch in his face (quite acrobatic, if nothing else) which seemed to piss Bonaduce off. Welcome to every woman’s Saturday night, dude.

“Danny Bonaduce is being investigated for battery for tossing ex-Survivor contestant Jonny Fairplay over his shoulder during an award show Tuesday. Fairplay, 33, filed a police report Wednesday claiming that his teeth were knocked out during the incident at the FOX Reality Really Channel awards held at the Hollywood club Boulevard3, the Associated Press reports.”

“Police received the battery report around 2 a.m. at a Hollywood hospital where Fairplay was being treated, Officer April Harding told the AP. ‘He had one tooth broken, another tooth missing from his gum line and two other teeth that were loose,’ she said.

“During the awards show, Fairplay was being jeered onstage when Bonaduce, 48, came onto the stage and said into the microphone, ‘They’re booing because they hate you’” (Fairplay, a wrestler who came in third on the 2003′s Survivor: Pearl Islands, was criticized by many viewers for having lied about the death of lie his grandmother in order to win sympathy from other competitors.)”

“According to police, Fairplay said he then tried to hug Bonaduce. In a video clip of the incident, Fairplay is seen jumping into Bonaduce’s arms. In reaction, Bonaduce tossed Fairplay up and over his head and onto the floor. Fairplay then got up and ran offstage while holding his hand over his mouth.”

[From People]

Bonaduce’s defense? Fairplay was throttling him, and he had to throw him off to stop him. It’s hard to see from the video, there’s a lot of touching of parts that usually don’t touch, and it seems to happen pretty quickly. Bonaduce did mention, “I’m sorry he got hurt.” Alright, and I’m sure you mean it. Supposedly Fairplay had to go through 2 ½ hours of dental surgery after the attack. I don’t think that’s anything shocking in and of itself, that’s what it takes for a root canal. But I’m sure he had some significant mouth injuries, and no matter what he’s probably in a lot of pain. “It knocked one tooth out and then it moved three others. One tooth is, like, shattered eight times.” Well I’d say if nothing else, it’s a good moral lesson for the rest of us: no matter what he does, don’t jump on Danny Bonaduce. Good to know.

Update by Jaybird: The District Attorney has decided not to charge Bonaduce with any crime, noting “It did not appear that the suspect intentionally tried to cause injuries, but simply reacted to the victim’s actions.”

The Sopranos went out with a bang and took home three Emmys for its final season, including best Drama. This was the Sopranos second win for best Drama, having earned the Emmy for the first time in 2004. None of the actors of the Sopranos were honored with Emmys this year, but both James Gandolfini and Edie Falco have won three separate Emmys for best actor and actress in a drama.

Minor controversies this year included a several second blackout after Ray Romano made a joke about his old costar Patricia Heaton f’ing her new costar Kelsey Grammar, and Katherine Heigl mouthing a swear word when she learned that she had won best supporting actress for a drama. Heigl said she didn’t expect to win and didn’t have anything prepared, but was sure to add that she’d worked 17 years in the industry and “worked her ass off.”

America Fererra took home best actress in a comedy and sounded a bit more gracious in her acceptance speech, saying “This is such an amazing, wonderful achievement. The award is to be able to get up and go to work tomorrow.”

Tina Fey quipped when 30 Rock won for best comedy that she wanted to thank the “dozens and dozens of viewers.”

And another censor happened at the end of Sally Field’s rambling two minute acceptance speech for best actress for her work on Brothers and Sisters. She criticised the war on Iraq when praising mothers saying “Surely this [award] belongs to all the mothers in the world. May they been seen, may their work be valued, and raised, and especially to the mothers who stand with an open heart and wait. Wait for their children to come home from danger, from harm’s way and from war… And to war, um um…. I am proud to be one of those women…”

At the end she tried to add “If mothers ruled the world, there wouldn’t be any god-damned wars in the first place,” and she was cut off after “God.” It’s a pretty good statement against the war, but she should have cut the speech shorter and put it in the middle so she wouldn’t get cut off. [Thanks to Democratic Underground for the details. Other details and quotes from AP Article and People.com]

Here’s the complete list of winners at the 59th annual Primetime Emmy Awards.

Drama: “The Sopranos,” HBO.

Comedy: “30 Rock,” NBC.

Miniseries: “Broken Trail,” AMC.

Variety, Music or Comedy Series: “The Daily Show With Jon Stewart,” Comedy Central.

Variety, Music or Comedy Special: “Tony Bennett: An American Classic,” NBC.

Made-for-TV Movie: “Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee,” HBO.

Reality-Competition Program: “The Amazing Race,” CBS.

Creative Achievement in Interactive TV: Current.

Actor, Comedy Series: Steve Carell, “The Office,” NBC.

Actor, Drama Series: James Spader, “Boston Legal,” ABC.

Actor, Miniseries or Movie: Robert Duvall, “Broken Trail,” AMC.

Actress, Drama Series: Sally Field, “Brothers & Sisters,” ABC.

Actress, Comedy Series: America Ferrera, “Ugly Betty,” ABC.

Actress, Miniseries or Movie: Helen Mirren, “Prime Suspect: The Final Act (Masterpiece Theatre),” PBS.

Supporting Actor, Drama Series: Terry O’Quinn, “Lost,” ABC.

Supporting Actor, Comedy Series: Jeremy Piven, “Entourage,” HBO.

Supporting Actor, Miniseries or Movie: Thomas Haden Church, “Broken Trail,” AMC.

Supporting Actress, Drama Series: Katherine Heigl, “Grey’s Anatomy,” ABC.

Supporting Actress, Comedy Series: Jaime Pressly, “My Name Is Earl,” NBC.

Supporting Actress, Miniseries or Movie: Judy Davis, “The Starter Wife,” USA.

Individual Performance, Variety or Music Program: Tony Bennett, “Tony Bennett: An American Classic,” NBC.

Directing, Drama Series: “The Sopranos: Kennedy and Heidi,” HBO.

Directing, Comedy Series: “Ugly Betty: Pilot,” ABC.

Directing, Miniseries, Movie or Dramatic Special: “Prime Suspect: The Final Act (Masterpiece Theatre),” PBS

Directing, Variety, Music or Comedy Program: “Tony Bennett: An American Classic,” NBC.

Writing for a Drama Series: “The Sopranos: Made in America,” HBO.

Writing, Comedy Series: “The Office: Gay Witch Hunt,” NBC.

Writing, Miniseries, Movie or Dramatic Special: “Prime Suspect: The Final Act,” PBS

Writing for a Variety, Music or Comedy Program: Late Night With Conan O’Brien,” NBC.

And here’s Sally Field’s Acceptance Speech:

And a memorable performance by Christina Aguilera and Tony Bennett. Can you imagine if Britney tried to perform?

Here are pictures from the press room including Thomas Haden Church, Tony Bennett, Robert Duvall, Sally Fields, America Ferrera, Helen Mirren, Katherine Heigl, Terry O’Quinn Jon Stewart, James Spader, Tina Fey, Lorne Michaels, and Alec Baldwin. Thanks to Splash and WENN for these pictures.

People aren’t just laughing at Britney Spears for her performance at the VMAs, they’re mad at her. A ton of websites and blogs are saying she should apologize for her performance. I’m not sure to who, specifically… I guess the public in general. I’m not sure she needs to apologize per se, but she should acknowledge that she messed up, and take responsibility. She should also probably make some type of comment about what she’s going to do to improve her career and her life. She also shouldn’t make excuses. Don’t blame your hairstylist, don’t blame Sarah Silverman, the media, or all the stuff you’ve been “going through.” She’s been doing it to herself. It should be quick and clear, and then she should get the hell outta there before she can say anything that’ll make it worse.

Apparently Britney has been considering apologizing at the Emmy Awards on Sunday. I’m not sure that’s really the proper forum.

“Is Britney Spears considering gracing another awards show stage just a week after her MTV Video Music Awards disaster?

“Yes, according to an Emmy Awards show source, who tells Usmagazine.com that Fox network brass were ‘in negotiations’ with Brit’s camp as of Thursday afternoon to get her on this Sunday night’s annual telecast. The source adds that while her appearance has not yet been confirmed, ‘the idea is to have her come on and apologize for the VMAs. She’s weighing the offer.’

“Spears, 25, opened last Sunday’s MTV Video Music Awards to scathing reviews. Since then, her lackluster performance has been blamed on just about everything, from her hair to her work ethic to her entertainment lawyer.

“Though Spears has been keeping a low profile since the show, a source tells Us that at least some within her inner circle are receptive to the Emmy idea and are urging her to do it.

“However, a source close to Spears says: ‘I can’t say this is 100 percent not true. All I can say is that the Emmy people aren’t dealing with her record company, her manager or her agents at William Morris. So if she is doing anything for the Emmys then it’s not going through the official channels.’”

[From US Magazine]

I don’t think an awards show is really the format for tearful apologies. Isn’t that what “Access Hollywood” is for? Maybe Barbara Walters, if you’re a big celebrity. Brit could probably negotiate that. But apologizing in front of a big audience of nicely dressed actors seems like the wrong idea for a trashy dressed singer. The Emmys are about a song and dance number and a few tear-stained montages. It just sounds really awkward. I image Britney’s apology would go something like this:

“Hi y’all. No, I’m not here for an award. I’m here to tell ya’ll I’m sorry y’all [smacks gum]. I was up ‘till morning drinking before my performance, and everyone keeps s’ain it shulda been gooder [smacks gum]. I didn’t drink that much y’all. Jus some wine coolers, some cosmos, a couple appletinis, a Yellow Parrot or two, then a Bee Sting and a few Pink Squirrels. I think I had a Rhett Butler and a Roman Snowball, but I’m not sure. [Blows bubble] There was definitely a Turkey Trot and a London Fog. But I stopped ‘cuz I wanted to put on a good show for y’all. I think someone put s’mthin in my drink, ‘cuz I was crazy hung over the next morning y’all. Sorry y’all. Next time, I’ll make my dancers work harder. They really screwed me. And that wardrobe lady. She really screwed me too. And those hairstylists. And the stage director. And the set designer. I’ll make sure they never do that to me again, y’all. God bless.”

Picture note by JayBird: Images from Brit’s VMA performance via The Blemish. Header image of Britney out after the VMAs with her brother Brian. Images thanks to WENN.

Well the ever-so-fickle Academy has decided against asking Ellen DeGeneres, last year’s host, back again. Apparently there’s a different producer most every year, and the producer picks the host. So this year’s producer produced 2006’s Academy Awards and wants to go with 2006’s host, Jon Stewart. Stewart as given so-so reviews after his first hosting gig. DeGeneres was apparently considered “too nice” – though I didn’t realize the Academy Awards were supposed to be edgy.

“Jon Stewart will return as host of the Academy Awards. The star of Comedy Centrals ‘The Daily Show with Jon Stewart’ will get his second shot at hosting Hollywood’s premiere event, which will be held on Feb. 24 at the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood. He hosted the 78th annual awards show in 2006.

“Stewart was ‘a terrific host’ for that event, Oscar telecast producer Gil Cates said Wednesday, announcing the selection in a statement from the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences. The academy didn’t indicate why it decided to go with Stewart after using comedian Ellen DeGeneres this year. ‘I’m thrilled to be asked to host the Academy Awards for the second time because, as they say, the third time’s a charm,’ Stewart joked.

[From the Associated Press]

I didn’t realize hosting the Oscars was such a revolving door situation. I know it’s considered kind of the “be all end all” for a lot of comedians, but I have yet to watch one that didn’t cure my chronic insomnia in 30 minutes flat. But that’s also the reason I haven’t watched one in a few years. I thought Jon Stewart’s humor didn’t really translate from his show to the Oscars. His political humor is funny, but there’s only so much room for it in an awards show format.

“Stewart, a political satirist, injected some political humor into his 2006 performance, taking jabs at the war in Iraq and ribbing Hollywood’s elite about their ties to the Democratic Party. However, some jokes bombed and he got mixed reviews. ‘His usually impeccable blend of puckishness and self-effacement fell flat,’ a review by The Associated Press said, adding he was ‘too deferential, too nice and too obvious in his targets.’

“The 44-year-old Stewart, who also hosted the Grammys in 2001 and 2002, noted the split decision on his own cable TV show the night after the Oscars, saying he had a great time but didn’t know how he did until he saw the reviews.

“‘I sucked and was great!’ he said. ‘I was a painfully smug and unfunny heir to Johnny Carson.’”

[From the Associated Press]

Does anyone else find Hollywood’s obsession with awards kind of annoying? Why is so much congratulation necessary? I guess it’s just the fact that they’re all awarding each other, like it’s some great accomplishment. I think it’s kind of the grown up children in us that want a blue ribbon for doing well at the science fair. Only the science fair involves a lot of low cut strapless dresses and cummerbunds. I don’t even want to tell you what’s in their juice boxes.

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s Jon Stewart at the Emmy Awards last year. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Justin Timberlake has been forced (forced I tell you!) to cancel two of his upcoming shows due to vocal strain. Apparently touring for several months straight has hurt his vocal cords. This seems to be a fairly common problem for performers, which always makes me wonder why they don’t schedule more time in between each show to rest. If I made the kind of money Justin makes, I’d wrap my throat in a warm velvet pillow soaked in honey at all times. They say honey is good for the throat. I’m guessing if it’s good in it, then it’s good on it, too. Though that might just be because I want to put honey on Justin Timberlake. Moving on.

“Justin Timberlake has been ordered to rest his voice.

“Timberlake’s strained voice is the result of his performance Sunday at MTV’s Video Music Awards in Las Vegas and months of touring, Jive Records said in a statement Tuesday.

“A doctor ordered several days of vocal rest for Timberlake, forcing the 26-year-old singer to miss shows in Sacramento, Calif., on Monday and San Jose, Calif., on Wednesday.

“Tour promoter AEG Live has rescheduled the shows for Sept. 23 in San Jose and Sept. 25 in Sacramento. Timberlake wraps up his FutureSex/LoveShow tour this month.”

[From the Washington Post]

That sucks, though that still leaves Emmy night free, thank God. Even though I previously reported/hailed that Timberlake and Andy Samberg were going to sing “Dick in a Box” at the Emmys, details have still not been finalized. The pair won a Creative Arts Emmy in the “Original Music and Lyrics” category this past weekend (see, there is a reason for the Junior Emmys after all!) at which point Andy Samberg said the pair haven’t even been asked to perform the song yet. It’s possible the original E! News story was wrong, but it’s also possible Samberg was just grumpily saying that they haven’t been asked – a lot of sources beyond E! have been reporting that the pair were asked to perform, but ran into a snag, refusing to censor the lyrics. Fight the power! Unless it means you can’t perform at all, then compromise it all so we have a reason to watch the Emmys!

“An off-color ‘Saturday Night Live’ video featuring Justin Timberlake and strategically placed gift boxes was honored at the Creative Arts Emmy Awards.

‘(Blank) in a Box,’ last December’s fake music video performed by Timberlake and ‘SNL’ cast member Andy Samberg, is about wrapping a part of the male anatomy and presenting it to a loved one as a holiday present.

“‘I think it’s safe to say that when we first set out to make this song, we were all thinking Emmy!’ Samberg said in accepting the award Saturday for best original music and lyrics. ‘The other thing we were thinking was, “Hey! Here’s this young up and comer, Justin Timberlake, who is clearly very talented and could clearly use a break,”’ Samberg said. ‘So, Justin, if you’re out there, congrats to you, kid.’ Timberlake was elsewhere Saturday: He had a concert scheduled in Tacoma, Wash. But his tour takes him to Los Angeles on Primetime Emmys night, raising the possibility he could perform ‘Box’ at the ceremony.

“As Samberg arrived at the creative arts awards, he told The Associated Press that he had yet to be asked by the TV academy to perform the song with Timberlake on the Fox broadcast – but he was willing, he said.”

[From the Associated Press]

I pray to all deities that Andy Samberg is just being coy. If I have led any of you astray, I apologize. Awards shows annoy the crap out of me (on principle – you’re acting, people, not moving mountains) and I think “Dick in a Box” is the only thing that can get me through. I’m not one for censorship, but couldn’t they just say “Junk in a Box”? It’s better than no box at all, am I right? The Emmy people can’t possibly want Samberg and Timberlake to censor more than that, otherwise you’d take away from the very essence, the very “boxiness,” of the song. Whether you’re religious, spiritual, or whatever, I ask you, dear readers, to pray to your deity/non-deity/animal of choice that this song will be performed on Emmy night. If not, I will walk around New York with a box taped to my crotch until Christmas.

Picture note by JayBird:

Here’s Andy Samberg with Maya Rudolph at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony. Images thanks to PR Photos.

So there’s this awards show called the Creative Arts Emmys. It has categories like “Outstanding Individual Achievement in Animation,” “Outstanding Costumes for a Variety/Music Program,” and “Outstanding Special Class Program” where they nominate other awards shows. Think of them as the Junior Emmys. I believe the show is held in a high school gymnasium’s empty swimming pool, or something close to that. They generally didn’t get a lot of publicity, until E! came around and had hours and hours of time available to devote to otherwise passed-over content. Hence the Creative Arts Emmys are now shown on TV a week after they actually take place. I have no idea why. Comedian Kathy Griffin won an award for “Outstanding Reality Program” for her show, “My Life on the D-List.” I haven’t seen the show and couldn’t give a flip about Kathy Griffin, but she gave an acceptance speech that really riled some people.

“‘Mel Gibson. Michael Richards. Isaiah Washington. Imus. Jerry Lewis. Every time a celebrity offends a segment of the population, he pays a price, in one way or another,’ said [Catholic League president Bill] Donohue in a Monday statement. ‘The question now is whether Kathy Griffin will pay a similar price for her outburst. And as we have learned, her verbal assault was calculated.’

“‘I guess hell froze over,’ Griffin told a receptive audience as she accepted her Emmy statuette. ‘A lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this. He had nothing to do with this… suck it Jesus, this award is my God now.’

Donohue described Griffin’s remarks as a ‘kind of vulgar in-your-face brand of hate speech’ coming from a self-described ‘complete militant atheist,’ and pleaded with The Academy of Television Arts & Sciences’ chairman and CEO Dick Askin to help in condemning what she said.

“‘Kathy Griffin’s offensive remarks will not be part of the E! telecast on Saturday night,’ the Academy said in a Monday statement, according to The AP.

[From Reality TV World]

It’s pretty clear to me that Kathy Griffin wasn’t mocking Christianity, she was just mocking how important awards are to Hollywood, by joking (in a cutting manner… but hey, humor beyond formulaic jokes can be cutting) that her award is now her God. It doesn’t seem that she was mocking Jesus; she was mocking herself by acting like an award mattered more than anything else in the world. She could also be mocking the way so many celebrities suddenly thank God when they get an award, but never acknowledge religion at any other time. Everyone’s entitled to their opinion, but I really don’t think this was that offensive. Think of all the Jesus/nun/pope joke toys out there.

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s Kathy performing at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Florida three weeks ago. Header image of Kathy at the 59th Annual Primetime Creative Arts Emmy Awards this past Saturday. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Nothing seems to be going right for Britney Spears anymore, though that’s pretty much her own doing. It seems the soon-to-be-former singer had a pretty hectic schedule in the days prior to her VMA performance, despite being told by MTV to lay low, not to party, to get her rest, and to practice, practice, practice! Page Six has some interesting information today about what went on behind the scenes before Britney’s shiteous performance.

“Britney Spears has no one to blame but herself for her disastrous performance at the MTV Video Music Awards Sunday night. The lip-synching pop tart showed up for her big comeback late, unprepared and with a drink in her hand.

“On Saturday, the day before the VMAs, Spears was scheduled to arrive at rehearsal at around 1 p.m. Our spy said, ‘She didn’t even get to Las Vegas until 4:30 p.m. It was ridiculous . . . The production people at MTV were freaking out . . . Nobody can tell Britney what to do anymore. No one can control her. She is a mess.’ To make matters worse, when she arrived in Vegas, Spears didn’t go straight to rehearsals. ‘She went to her hotel room and ordered a bunch of food and some frozen margaritas,’ the spy said. ‘She came down, like, an hour later with a frozen margarita in her hand.’

“‘The dance number was spectacular – without her,’ said our spy at rehearsal. ‘When the stand-in was rehearsing with the dancers, in the hours they were all waiting for her, it was amazing. Then Britney showed up and refused to do anything. The dancers were supposed to lift and twirl her in the air a few times, and that just wasn’t going to happen. The more complicated dance moves had to be erased because she couldn’t do them.’

“Meanwhile, Spears was agitated because she didn’t like the outfit MTV had selected for her. ‘MTV wanted her to wear a corset outfit. It would have looked great and covered a lot of things up, but she hated it and didn’t think it was sexy enough.’ Instead, Spears changed into a spangly bra-and-underwear outfit she’d brought with her that emphasized her weight gain over the last year.”

[From Page Six]

While I think it’s totally unnecessary to insult Britney’s physique (she still looks better than most of the general population) – you do have to highlight your assets and do your best to minimize your problem areas. That’s true for every performer. Britney knows what she used to look like, and according to reports of things she said when she was heavier a few months ago, she’s well aware that she doesn’t look like 16-year-old Britney anymore. So what is with her delusional critique that outfits aren’t “sexy enough.” We heard this same complaint from Brit at her disastrous “OK” photo shoot when they wanted to dress her in Gucci and Chanel – the outfits weren’t sexy enough. The girl is seriously confusing the words “sexy” and “slutty.”

If you were wondering why Brit’s hair looked so terrible, we’ve got an interesting story behind that. According to E! News, Britney got into a fight with her hairstylist right before her performance. The stylist was so pissed that she cut all of Brit’s extensions before she stormed off. That’s my new fantasy.

“Just when you thought Britney Spears’ hair situation couldn’t get any worse after her disastrous head shaving, I hear things got just as ugly right before her MTV VMAs performance yesterday. An insider tells me that shortly before Spears was to go onstage at the Palms Hotel & Casino’s Pearl Theater, she had some sort of disagreement with her hairstylist.

“And, I’m told, said hair guru quit on the spot. But before leaving, my source reports, the disgruntled stylist cut up all of the extensions Spears was planning on wearing for her big number. Meanwhile, I also hear that Britney, at one point during the days leading up to the awards, threw a fit because her name wasn’t on the marquee at the Palms. She calmed down once it was added.”

[From E! News]

So that explains why Brit’s hair looked so weird and uneven. I didn’t notice it during the original viewing of her performance… as it was hard to think about anything but the disaster unfolding before my eyes. But going back, you can see that her hair and her extensions are two distinctly different shades of blond, and it makes her look like a messed up My Little Pony. I’m a natural blond so I know that light hair can look darker on top, but it doesn’t look like that. That is the look of an angry stylist.

Update: “Entertainment Tonight” just reported that the hairstylist in question was Jessica Simpson’s BFF, Ken Paves.

“‘Celebrity stylist Ken Paves, who traveled to Las Vegas for VMA weekend to do Britney Spears’ hair, is speaking out.

“After Britney’s underwhelming VMA performance, reports surfaced that she had canceled her stylist before going onstage.

“A rep for Ken tells ET: ‘Ken Paves did go to Las Vegas to work with Britney Spears; however, once there he made the professional decision not to do her hair for the VMAs.’”

[From Entertainment Tonight]

Kanye West is always there with a kind word and a hand on your shoulder. Or to publicly bitch and moan and throw a conniption fit. For such an incredibly boring show, the VMAs managed to produce a good bit of drama this year, at least backstage. Not like the old school VMAs, where some random member of Rage Against the Machine would jump on stage, hurling his body to inexplicable heights before finally resting on some bizarre/artsy looking piece of the set. Yeah we all know he was probably paid by MTV to do it to liven up an otherwise dull show, but at least he did it. This year the biggest thing on stage was Britney’s lack of anything good. Yeah it was embarrassing and she should go dig a hole at the bottom of the ocean and stay there, but she didn’t collapse and she kept her clothes on – so in my book, she could have at least failed in a more spectacular fashion. The really good drama was behind the scenes. Tommy Lee and Kid Rock getting into a fight over their mutual love toy, Pam Anderson. Ashanti could only laugh hysterically when a reporter asked her what she thought of Britney’s performance. But of course the best drama, and biggest pouting, came from Kanye West. Famous for his “Jesus Walks” song, Kanye has an ego that’s kind of embarrassing. Jesus wants you to chill, Kanye.

“Kanye West, a virtual shut out at the Video Music Awards on Sunday night, threw a hissy fit in front of cameras and crew backstage as the MTV show was coming to an end. While waiting for a an elevator, West, 29, began yelling about losing all five categories for which he was nominated, including male artist of the year.

“‘That’s two years in a row, man … give a black man a chance,’ said West, barking his misery at the nearby reporters. ‘I’m trying hard man, I have the … No. 1 record, man.’ This outburst followed Kanye’s withering commentary on Britney Spears, who he criticized for not having any relevant recent hits.

[From Monsters & Critics]

Last year Kanye freaked out at the MTV Europe awards, when his video for “Touch the Sky” didn’t win. Kanye bum rushed the stage, grabbing the microphone from the winners and unleashed an expletive-laced tirade. He said, “‘Best video should have been mine. I should have won. It cost a million dollars, Pamela Anderson was in it. I was jumping across canyons! If I don’t win, the awards show loses credibility.’” Way to keep your ego in check dude. Um, also, if Kanye West doesn’t win, little children will cry and have to eat Spam. If Kanye West doesn’t win, wars will break out in peaceful mountain villages. If Kanye West doesn’t win, happiness will no longer be an emotion that humans are capable of feeling. If Kanye West doesn’t win, the universe will implode!

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s Kanye at the 2007 GQ Magazine Men of the Year Awards on September 4th. Image thanks to PR Photos. Header image of Kanye yesterday at the VMAs in Las Vegas. Image thanks to Splash Photos.

Well, her much-hyped “comeback” was once again a massive failure. Like most of Britney Spears’ other comebacks of late, she underperformed and horribly embarrassed herself. Britney opened the VMAs with what was supposed to be an impressive, magic-laced performance of her new single, “Gimme More.” She left the audience thinking the same thing. Spears wandered around the stage aimlessly with a bleary, drugged out expression on her face. Instead of dancing, she swayed her hips randomly and let a dancer grab her a few times. She half-heartedly shook her hips and did a couple body rolls, and at a few points it looked like she might stumble, but she managed to right herself. And that was about it. She’d completely forgotten how to lip-sync… hello, don’t you have a hairbrush and a mirror to practice with like the rest of us?

“Somewhere, Kevin Federline is laughing.

“An out-of-shape, out-of-touch Britney Spears delivered what was destined to be the most talked about performance of the MTV Video Music Awards – but for all the wrong reasons. Kicking off the show Sunday night with her new single, “Gimme More,” Spears looked bleary and unprepared – much like her recent tabloid exploits on the streets of Los Angeles.

“She lazily walked through her dance moves with little enthusiasm. It appeared she had forgotten the entire art of lip-synching; and, perhaps most unforgivable given her once taut frame, she looked embarrassingly out of shape.

“Even the celebrity-studded audience seemed bewildered. 50 Cent looked at Spears with a confused expression; Diddy, her new best friend, was expressionless.

“Some comeback.”

[From the Associated Press]

It’s clear that Britney’s days of super-athletic routines are far behind her. Though she’s always lip-synced in concert, most people forgave that, since there’s no way someone could dance the way she did and sing. But most of us could stumble around confused without a problem. I don’t think she looked bad in terms of her physique, but she’s clearly forgotten how to dance and how to perform. So essentially, she’s forgotten how to have a career. Either she was incredibly tired or she was on something… my guess is both. According to 24/Sizzler, Britney partied until 6 a.m. the night before the Video Music Awards.

“Britney Spears, donning a fedora hat and blonde extensions arrived at Tao for a Samsung Gleam bash around 1 a.m. Sunday morning with her partying partner-in-crime Diddy…The duo partied in the club’s VIP area and danced to Britney’s new single ‘Gimme More’…Former rehab inpatient Britney drank Grey Goose vodka and sugar-free Red Bull, while Diddy downed Patron…

“On Saturday, Britney sidekick Alli Sims arrived at the Tao Hospitality suite – sans Britney – but with two other friends…’Alli claimed that Britney was so tired from the night before partying until 6 a.m. that she wanted Alli to pull “fun” swag from the suite,’ tattles a 24Sizzler.com eyewitness. Alli grabbed Britney product from Disney Couture, Treesje Handbags, Luxottica sunglasses but kept the Oceanaut watch for herself.’”

[From 24/Sizzler]

It’s not like a lot of people were pulling for Britney anymore, but I naively thought that if MTV was going to let her open the VMAs, she must have a good performance ready. The VMAs have lost a lot of viewers the last few years, and MTV has been trying to revive the awards show. But apparently they were willing to take a risk on an old commodity, and it definitely didn’t pan out. Sarah Silverman caustically summed up Brit’s performance “Was that incredible? Britney Spears, everyone. Wow. She is amazing. She is 25-years-old and she’s already accomplished everything she’s going to accomplish in her life. It’s mind blowing.” Watching Britney limp around on stage was sort of sad, but it doesn’t make me pull for her. It just makes me hope she goes back into rehab – or wherever she needs to be – stays away from the spotlight, and gets her life together. Then, when she can actually do a great job, she should work on a comeback.

Note by Celebitchy: Here’s the video thanks to Britney.cl

Pictures via Britney.cl and JJB.