In case you needed further proof that Paris Hilton is still a loser (and who needs more evidence of that?) sources say she’s absolutely desperate to get pregnant with Benji Madden’s baby. There have been rumors floating around for the past few weeks that she was either pregnant or trying because she’d stopped drinking at parties. And you know Paris doesn’t just put away the booze unless there’s something in it for her. Now Page Six has it on good authority (and by that, I mean an anonymous, possibly shady “source”) that Paris is absolutely set on getting herself knocked up.

Paris Hilton has never been one to take it slow, so it comes as no surprise that the celebutard is desperately trying for a baby with her boyfriend, Benji Madden. “She’s jealous of all the attention [best friend] Nicole Richie has been getting and knows she’s fallen off in the tabs lately,” said one friend. “A baby would put her back in the news.” Hilton, who’s only dated Madden for six months, is already doing what she’s never done before – swearing off drugs and booze in an attempt to try and spawn.

[From Page Six]

Do you think that wonky eye is genetic? What are the odds she’ll pass it on? I’ve got to admit, I found the idea of Britney Spears and Nicole Richie having kids pretty scary. But neither of them compare to the terror I feel in my heart when I imagine Paris Hilton being allowed to give life to another human being. And then being in charge of the safety of that life.

Paris has long been reported to impulse by pets and then discards them when she loses interest. I am absolutely certain that there is no way in hell she isn’t stupid enough to think she can do the same thing with a kid. If there were anyone in Hollywood I would will a childless existence onto, it’d be Paris. Let’s pray to God that Benji Madden has enough sense to keep a condom strapped on, 24/7. And just to be safe, I’d wrap at least three packages of saran wrap around my entire body if I were him. Can’t hurt.

Here’s Paris and Benji arriving at La Taverna di Tony restaurant in Malibu for an early dinner on Sunday. Images thanks to WENN.

If I were Nicole Richie, I could understand trying to get a little Paris Hilton-free time. Nicole and Paris have famously been feuding off and on for years, but have supposedly been cool with each other for a while now. Still, you don’t see the twosome hitting the stores or getting lunch together like you used to, even before Nicole had baby Harlow with boyfriend Joel Madden.

Paris, seemingly unable to stand the lack of attention thrust her way, hooked up with Joel’s twin brother Benji within minutes of him being single again. There were rumors again that Paris was driving Nicole crazy again, now that she was more actively in her life. And apparently that hasn’t died down – Paris has moved in next door to Nicole.

New mom Nicole Richie is constantly cooing over her love of suburban life – at least she was until best friend Paris Hilton moved in next door. Richie lives with baby daddy Joel Madden in Glendale, Calif., and Joel’s twin brother, Benji Madden, who now dates Hilton, lives next door. Friends of Richie told Page Six recently, “Nicole moved out there to get away from the paparazzi, but when Paris calls them they come to her quiet street and disrupt everything. She’s getting a little fed up.”

[From Page Six]

Paris is acting like that pathetic, clueless girl who followed around the more popular girls, exactly copying everything they did. She sees that Nicole is getting a lot of positive attention for her new life, so instead of figuring out what she can do to get some good press, Paris starts blabbing about how she wants a baby too, and then moves in next door. While it’s cute that the Madden boys live next door to each other, it’s probably time that they start their own lives… and Paris should maybe consider doing the same.

Here are Paris and Nicky Hilton leaving the Pop Factory opening party in Los Angeles on Thursday. Images thanks to WENN.

Jennifer Garner and Violet, two and a half, go shopping in Brentwood yesterday. Garner lets us get a glimpse of her shopping list, which includes organic hotdogs, wheat germ, chicken, and chocolate. She’s been wearing a lot of loose tops lately, not that I would jump to any conclusions about that.

Tara Reid still looking super skinny, but healthier outside of Mr. Chow yesterday. She stopped to sign autographs for some fans. According to IMDB, she has two films in the works and one just completed called Vipers. The tagline reads “First Comes The Slither, Then Comes The Slaughter.” It’s a living.

Paris Hilton and Benji Madden watch the Kendell Holt vs. Ricardo Torres lightweight championship at Planet Hollywood in Vegas. Doesn’t she have man hands? Mike Tyson was also there, dreaming of his glory days.

Pamela Anderson celebrates her 41st birthday at the Luxor in Vegas. There are also photos of her hanging all over Criss Angel and licking her birthday cake, which was adorned with a giant flower in the shape of lady parts. Gossip Girls has those pics.

Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman go out to dinner at Tra Di Noi Resaurant in Malibu, California on 7/5/08. Devito, 63, and Perlman, 60, have been married 16 years and have three children: Lucy, 25, Grace, 23, and Jacob, 20.

All images thanks to WENN.

Paris Hilton and Benji Madden are going to commit the ultimate relationship crime. He’s getting a tattoo of her image, and they’re telling people about it. If you’re going to get a tattoo as a reminder of your four month long relationship the least you could do is keep quiet about it to avoid future embarrassment.

The socialite, reality TV personality, and sex-tape star reveals that Good Charlotte rocker Madden is planning to have an image of her etched on his heavily-tattooed torso.

But Hilton isn’t allowed to return the compliment.

She explains, “He is going to get one of me but he won’t let me get one. He doesn’t like tattoos on women. He thinks I look pure.”

Contact Music

Benji likes that Paris looks ‘pure’. I hear there’s a video circulating around where she looks very, very pure while she performs oral sex on another man. Just in case you wanted to see Paris at her most pure.

In case you thought that Paris and Benji couldn’t get anymore annoying, it turns out they want to make beautiful music together. Unfortunately that isn’t a euphemism. Benji is helping Paris record a theme song for her new reality series, My New BFF.

“Benji and I have been working hard on it,” she said. “He’s helping me write the lyrics for the song and then I’ll sing it, too.”

The couple, who’ve been dating for four months, are laying down the track at a studio located, conveniently enough, in her Beverly Hills mansion.

Premiering later this year, My New BFF will follow the former Simple Life star as she chooses a new shopping buddy from 20 contestants.

Hilton also plans to start working on the follow-up to her 2006 debut CD Paris. “I’ll have another album come out, for sure,” she told E! News. “I just don’t know when yet. I only have the summer off, then I’ll be taping another season of BFF. But an album is something I’ll do.”

People

I can’t believe that Paris thinks her singing career is going to be so successful that it justifies building a studio in her home. Why not just keep the room to store unsold stocks of her hair extension line?

Picture note by Celebitchy: Benji recently shaved his head, probably after some pictures that came out of him without his hat sunning on a deck with Paris. He had a big bald spot that he was hiding under hats, so he decided to shave it off. Good move, Benji!

Benji Madden and Paris Hilton are shown on 6/27/08 at “‘The Good Life’ photographs by Murray Garrett, held at the Photographers gallery” in LA. Paris, Nicky and winners of a competition from Paris’ reality show are shown shopping on Robertson Boulevard on 6/28/08, thanks to WENN.

When Paris Hilton scrawled over her myspace page how much she loved Benji Madden and gushed about him in interviews, I thought that she was a nightmare girlfriend and that it would soon be over. As time has gone on – the pair have been together for four months – and they didn’t break up, I realized that Benji must really, really like Paris. Or he would have kicked her to the curb weeks ago.

Yesterday he did an interview with Ryan Seacrest, and talked about how happy he is with her.

“I’m so beyond happy,” Benji, 29, said of his hot relationship with Paris Hilton. “Of course,” he added, “when you’re that happy, you think about everything.”

When asked if he worries about having kids, Benji replied: “Not at all. I mean, she’s my best friend” – prompting Joel to interject sarcastically, “I can see it tomorrow, ‘Benji’s Ready for Fatherhood.’ ”

Continued Benji: “I’ve never been so happy. Nothing worries me in life anymore. When you find that best friend, that love, all your worries kind of go away. Your work gets better and everything you do, you have someone supporting you, and she’s that for me. I’ve never been supported so much.”

In his repeated refrain, Benji said, “I’m a lucky guy. Her family is so nice to me. And now the four of us, we all … it’s great, you know.”

Could that possibly mean a double wedding? Responded both bothers, in unison: “No.”

People

I don’t know who had the idea for the double wedding. I think twins get very tired of doing everything together, and Joel and Benji work together already. For most women a wedding day is the only day you get to wear an ludicrously expensive frock that you will only wear once, that trails on the floor. You get to be the center of attention all day, eat cake after dieting to fit into said dress, and go home with a heap of presents and the love of your life. Why would you want to share the spotlight with another bride, even if they are your best friend?

I know not all brides go down the route of wearing an enormous, expensive white dress, but Paris is obviously that kind of girl. And we’re likely to be subjected to every detail of her wedding and subsequent divorce from Benji.

Note by Celebitchy: This is the second time Benji has called into the Ryan Seacrest show and publicly proclaimed his love for Paris. He first discussed their relationship in early May, calling her “wife material” and saying he wanted to get on a rooftop and yell “I’m in love!”

Benji Madden and Paris Hilton are shown at Tao nightclub on 6/7/08, thanks to WENN.

When I saw these photos of Paris Hilton out last night, I initially kind of panicked and thought she might actually be knocked up. That would have meant months of tabloid coverage, interviews about how she felt as the world’s first pregnant woman, because you know she would have acted like she was, and a resulting seven figure magazine deal featuring the newborn as soon as it was able to sit for a photo session in baby couture. Then I looked over photos of her taken this past month, and although she does wear some loose clothing because that’s the style she favors she was also seen with a completely flat stomach less than a month ago.

Paris denied she was pregnant today through her rep. But I barely heard anyone guess that she was except for our friends at D-Listed, so it seems likely that she wore that dress just so people would talk about her.

Whenever she does have a baby, which seems inevitable given how she collects pets, let’s hope she has the foresight to hire good help who will take the responsibility for the infant that she will probably treat like an accessory. Paris just doesn’t have the patience or the mental capacity to care for a child for an extended period of time.

Thanks to WENN for these photos.

Benji and Joel Madden haven’t spoken to their father for more than ten years, after the (now recovering) alcoholic walked out on the family. Father Roger Combs (the boys changed their name to Madden after their mother’s maiden name) says that while he had some contact with them over the last three years, it is baby Harlow that has created a common bond. he talks to In Touch magazine about their reunion.

“My kids were mad at me, and I don’t blame them,” says Roger, who also has a daughter, Sarah, 27, and a son, Josh, 30, with Benji and Joel’s mom. Though Joel did start mending fences with Roger three years ago, it was Harlow who really reunited them. “We are good today, and that’s all that matters,” Roger says.

[From In Touch]

Roger Combs doesn’t say whether he has a relationship with his older children. He does add that holding his granddaughter was very special.

“It was a wonderful moment,” Roger exclusively tells In Touch. “She’s such a beautiful girl. I felt very proud.”

In Touch also reports that Nicole reassessed her relationship with her parents, saying that she ‘put them through a lot.’ Nicole has been to jail, and also rehab, as well as being best friends with Paris Hilton, which would make any parent nervous.

I’m not sure if Roger Combs sold his story to In Touch magazine, or if the Madden twins sold it, or if Roger was just sought out for comment. He might not understand the tabloid scrutiny the Madden brothers are under, and was just being a proud grandparent. He doesn’t talk at all about Paris Hilton, or Nicole Richie, who are most likely to result in inflammatory headlines. Hopefully his comments appearing in the press won’t create a misunderstanding like Jon Voight and Angelina Jolie’s relationship.

Joel and Benji Madden are shown at “Hornitos Tequila celebrates the ultimate ‘Cinco de Mayo’ experience at Crown Bar” on 5/5/08, thanks to WENN.

I always thought that the Charlotte character in ‘Sex and the City’ was a little unreal – I don’t personally know any woman that dives into relationships like a kamikaze pilot looking for marriage and babies right now.

Then Paris Hilton appeared on my radar. She’s got to be the girl bachelors have nightmares about. She’s been gushing all over the media about how much she loves her boyfriend Benji Madden (of 2 ^½ months) and how they’re going to get married. Now, she’s talking babies with her man, and she’s given him a deadline.

The hotel heiress has been dating the Good Charlotte rocker for three months, but already has marriage and babies on her mind.

And although she insists she is not currently pregnant, Hilton admits she hopes to be with child in 12 months’ time.

She tells Britain’s Heat magazine, “I do want a baby. Pretty soon. Not yet because I’m so busy, but next year.”

San Francisco Chronicle

This isn’t the first time that Paris has talked about wanting a baby, although I’m still a little unsure of whether she knows what having a baby entails. I’m not just talking about the actual childbirth part, which is disturbing enough in itself, but does she know they grow up? They don’t actually stay all little and cute, they turn into toddlers who have tantrums (if you have one that doesn’t I’ll trade you mine), then into children who pick their nose. And spend a lot of time with their hands down their pants. Then they turn into teenagers and continue doing all of these things, as well as hating you.

Paris, at 27, seems a little young to feel that biological clock ticking. I’m also not sure she’s ready for a baby. It was in 2004 that she lost her little dog Tinkerbell and plastered the world with ‘Lost Dog’ signs, only to discover she’d left the pooch at her grandparent’s place.

How will she care for the 18 dogs she has along with a baby?

Picture note by Celebitchy: Paris Hilton is shown outside a “medical center” (oh no!) in LA yesterday, thanks to WENN.

From my vast knowledge of Paris Hilton’s psyche gleaned from reading her Hello Kitty journals and love letters found in her storage unit, I would say she has the emotional maturity of a high school freshman. She may have matured slightly since then, but if you listen to the simplistic hackneyed way she describes her latest relationship, it’s doubtful.

In a love book Paris filled out for Tommy Hillfiger model Jason Shaw, whom she dated from mid 2002 to 2003, and was engaged to briefly, she signed off “I love you forever & every & ever. Love always, your future wife and partner for life. Paris.”

Paris was 21 at the time, so while she was young it’s not like she was a teenager. A lot of young people say “forever” in relationships when they’re both gung ho, but it seems especially stupid to talk to the press about your marriage plans when you’re famous and have been dating for a short time. It’s not as stupid as actually getting married after a few weeks, though, so at least Paris is still slightly ahead of Mariah.

Paris, now 27, says that her boyfriend of not even three months, Benji Madden, wants to get married and that they talk about it. She even has her wedding dress planned:

“He wants to [get hitched],” she told PEOPLE Thursday night at London’s Nobu, where she showed up for a late-night snack with Madden and her parents. “We talk about it.”

In fact, she’s already pondering her gown: “I’d wear a beautiful white dress,” she said dreamily, “probably Dolce & Gabbana.”

The heiress, who is in town promoting her new fragrance, Can Can, couldn’t stop gushing about her new beau.

“We are the perfect match,” said the 27-year-old (who begins filming her MTV reality show, I Wanna Be Paris’s New Best Friend! on Monday). “We don’t like being apart, we like to stay with each other as much as we can.”

[From People.com]

Nicole Richie and her baby’s father Joel Madden have been together over a year and a half and have a baby together. They’re engaged but aren’t in any hurry to get married. Paris and Joel’s twin Benji seem like they’re in a rush to the altar though. At least they’re not trying to keep up with Nicole and Joel in the baby department – as far as we know.

While Victoria Beckham was promoting her overpriced jeans at Harrods in London yesterday Paris Hilton had staged a photo op at the same time for her fragrance, Can Can. Victoria won the battle of the spokeswhores and most of the photographers flocked to her instead of Paris.

Paris and Benji are shown in London earlier today and yesterday thanks to WENN.

Earlier this week Paris Hilton gushed that her boyfriend of not even three month, Benji Madden, had written a song for her called “Shine Your Light.” We had to take her word for it, though, because it’s not like Benji has said much about her despite the fact that he took her on tour with him and she’s been seen following him around like a puppy dog all over LA. Paris has talked about how much in love she is and how great Benji is, and now he’s finally revealed that it’s mutual.

In an interview on Yo on E! on Sirius Radio, Benji said that he always knew Paris was “wife material” before they hooked up. He also said that they “were in love before anyone even knew we were together,” which suggests he might have been cheating on his longterm girlfriend, model Sophie Monk, with Paris. Sophie and Benji officially announced their split in mid February, and Paris and Benji went public less than two weeks later. As for marrying fickle Paris, Benji says “nothing would make me happier”

“We were in love before anyone even knew we were together,” the Good Charlotte band member reveals to Yo on E! on Sirius Radio. “We have known each other for a long time, and I’ve always known the real Paris. I always knew that she was like…wife material or serious girlfriend material. You’re getting a lot of personal sh**t out of me, man!”

Benji continues, “You just want to get on top of a mountain and go, I’m in love! But your fans would probably make fun of you.”

So could there be wedding bells in the near future? “Nothing would make me happier,” Madden says. “Wow, alright. Ok. I’m not gonna bet against you on that. We’ll see. I’m very, very happy right now.”

[From OK! Magazine]

Let’s give Paris and Benji the benefit of the doubt and say that they were together for maybe two months before they decided to hit all the LA hotspots together, but it’s doubtful and if that’s the case Benji would have been cheating. Even if they’ve been dating for five months that’s not enough time to start talking marriage. Once the new relationship endorphin high goes down they’ll start bugging the shit out of each other and will split shortly afterwards. I guess if they’re happy that’s all that matters. If Benji is talking like this he’s probably going to propose soon. He also spoke at length in that interview about how he loves babysitting his niece Harlow, so maybe he’s looking to start a family like his twin brother. You have to think that he could have been a much better candidate than Paris.

Paris Hilton and Benji Madden are shown below outside the DCMA boutique on 4/29/08, thanks to WENN. Paris is shown in the header in her guest appearance on “My Name is Earl” in late March.