Beyonce is the face (and body) of H&M’s Summer campaign this year, and these are some of the photos from the campaign. I forget when the announcement came exactly – maybe a few months ago? I didn’t think much of it at the time, other than “Why is Bey going so downmarket? They must have paid her quite a bit.” I still can’t find how much Beyonce is getting to be the face of the brand, but I would imagine it’s probably mid-seven-figures, don’t you?

The campaign was shot by Inez van Lamsweerde and Vinoodh Matadin. I’m not crazy about some of these photos – Beyonce isn’t as good at modeling as she thinks she is, and her expression is exceptionally blank, even for her. I’m also not sure what’s being sold – gold bangles, maybe? Vacations? Ah, no. The bikinis are what’s being sold. Also, this is part and parcel of Beyonce’s new “collaboration” for her tour, like the deal she has with Pepsi. H&M ads and billboards with these images will be tagged as “Mrs. Carter”. As in, The Mrs. Carter World Tour.

Beyonce said about the ad campaign: “I’ve always liked H&M’s focus on fun and affordable fashion. I really loved the concept we collaborated on to explore the different emotions of women represented by the four elements – fire, water, earth and wind. It was a beautiful shoot on a tropical island. It felt more like making a video than a commercial.” Girl… “fire, water, earth and wind”? Your butt was on the beach drinking mojitos!!!!!!

Donald Schneider, Creative Director of H&M, said: “H&M’s summer campaign starring Beyoncé is an epic fantasy, with glamour, drama and also a sense of paradise. It was amazing to watch her on the shoot make it all look effortless – a quality that makes her such an icon for women around the world. The campaign is the essence of Beyoncé, and also the essence of H&M this summer.” An epic fantasy? These photos look like they’re from a Hawaiian Tropic campaign.

Photos courtesy of H&M.

So much Beyonce information, so little time. Let’s dive in, shall we? Do you remember how Beyonce was a total disaster at last year’s Met Gala? That was when she wore that feathered nonsense and it looked like hell on her (it had really awful lining too). Well, Beyonce is definitely scheduled to make an appearance at this year’s Met Gala, which makes sense. But Anna Wintour has sweetened the deal by making Beyonce “honorary chair” of the event. All Met Galas have co-chairs and chairs, usually it’s the It Girl of the moment or someone involved with that year’s theme. Like, Sienna Miller & Christopher Bailey were co-chairs one year for a Britannia-themed gala. This year’s theme is “Punk: Chaos to Couture”. Beyonce = Punk?! Well, this just makes me look forward to whatever monstrosity Beyonce decides to wear this year!

Next up: Beyonce and Jay-Z’s Cuba trip. As we discussed two days ago, a handful of Cuban-American politicians are trying to make political hay out of Bey & Jay’s trip, like Pres. Obama plotted with them and decided to give his BFFs extra-special treatment. Now an assistant secretary at Treasury has sent a letter to the Florida politicians, explaining that Bey and Jay did get properly licensed to travel to Cuba on an “educational exchange”. Now Marco Rubio is throwing a hissy too – you can read more about the ongoing political BS here. I imagine Ted Cruz will demand a special prosecutor any second now.

And here’s the teaser video/Pepsi commercial for Beyonce’s video for “Grown Woman”. Eh. The song is kind of boring. And the blonde wigs are crazy (in love).

Photos courtesy of Beyonce’s Tumblr.

Last week, Beyonce and Jay-Z flew to Cuba to celebrate their fifth wedding anniversary. We didn’t have access to the photos, which is probably why I never wrote about their trip. When I first heard about it, I did have a moment of “Huh, I wonder if they had to route their trip through Canada to avoid some State Department regulations” but at the end of the day, I didn’t really care. Americans have been traveling to Cuba for a while, sometimes by exploiting loopholes in America’s completely FUBAR Cuba policies, and sometimes by just traveling there with approval from the government. As it stands right now, an American can’t just decide they want to fly to Cuba on a whim, just to be a tourist. If you are an American, you have to get a special license to travel to Cuba under the auspices of “academic, religious, journalistic or cultural exchange visits.”

But! Things are getting interesting, politically speaking. Two Cuban-American House members are throwing a FIT about Beyonce and Jay’s trip and wouldn’t you know, I think the GOP found their newest scandal! Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen and Rep. Mario Diaz-Balart (both Floridians) are calling for an investigation as to what kind of travel visas and special permissions were granted to Bey and Jay for their Cuba trip. The representatives have already written a letter to the Treasury Department requesting information as to whether Bey and Jay broke any laws, or whether Pres. Obama pulled some strings for his BFFs (and fundraisers).

Now “sources” from the Treasury Department have gone to media outlets to insist that no rules or laws were broken. These sources insist (to Reuters, the NYDN, etc) that Beyonce and Jay were legally and properly credentialed and their license was in order and everything. So, is the scandal over? Probably not. I would imagine that there will be some kind of House committee or sub-committee hearing on this and the Cuban-American lobby will try to make some political hay.

Photos courtesy of Beyonce’s Tumblr.

It’s 4-4. Which means it’s BEYONCE DAY. Beyonce loves the number 4. She wants to marry the number 4. She actually got married on 4-4. “Blue” has four letters and IV (Ivy) is Roman numeral “4”. She was born on the 4th of September. And on and on. So today is Beyonce Day. So what grand announcement does she have for us? Well, Beyonce is showing us her new commercial for Pepsi and OMG OMG OMG.

The blonde wiglet is officially out of control. Usually, Beyonce has some pretty decent-quality wigs and weaves, but I swear, that thing on her head looks like one of Kim Zolciak’s Barbie wigs. Plastic and cheap, is what I’m saying. Also: this seems to be a new song off of her new album? The song is called “Grown Woman” apparently. And this ad is called “Mirrors”. I barely paid attention to the song because I was so fascinated by how different her face looks. I said it two years ago, and I’m still saying – Beyonce has been tweaked. There’s a nose job and something else that I can’t quite put my finger on.

Anyway, this is what I’m sure will be the first of many Beyonce-Pepsi ads and collaborations. Pepsi is giving her $50 million for a comprehensive endorsement in which Beyonce gets an insane amount of money AND Pepsi will sponsor her new tour AND she’s developing some of the Pepsi ads herself, I guess. It’s basically just Pepsi and Beyonce being in business together all the way through. And this ad was their first product. And all I can see is WIGLET.

Photos courtesy of Beyonce’s Tumblr.

Beyonce covers the May issue of Vogue UK, and this shoot is just… not good. I usually like Vogue UK shoots – they do some imaginative stuff, even with a smaller budget than American Vogue. But I don’t get what the goal was for this one. Maybe it was just slim pickings for fashion or something. As for the interview… well, there are gems. Some highlights:

Does Beyonce consider herself a feminist? “That word can be very extreme… But I guess I am a modern-day feminist. I do believe in equality. Why do you have to choose what type of woman you are? Why do you have to label yourself anything? I’m just a woman and I love being a woman. If you’re attractive then you can’t be sexy, and you can’t be intelligent? What is all of that?…”

The criticism for calling herself ‘Mrs. Carter’: “I do believe in equality and that we have a way to go and it’s something that’s pushed aside and something that we have been conditioned to accept. But I’m happily married. I love my husband. I feel like Mrs Carter is who I am, but more bold and more fearless than I’ve ever been. It comes from knowing my purpose and really meeting myself once I saw my child. I was like, ‘OK, this is what you were born to do.’ The purpose of my body became completely different.”

She wants Blue Ivy to follow her dreams: “I definitely want my daughter to have goals and drive and passion – it has to be a balance. I hope she figures it out. Whatever makes her happy, I’m there. I do feel like I’m going to be honest with my daughter.”

[Via The Telegraph]

Well, at least she didn’t pull a Taylor Swift and act like feminism is a dirty word, although Bey does seem to be under the impression that calling herself a feminist might create some backlash. I guess? Beyonce goes back and forth on this stuff – I think she does have feminist principles and she’s “anti-woman” or “anti-feminist” because she’s proud of being a wife and mother, you know? She doesn’t have the most coherent life philosophy, but really… who does?

Meanwhile, did you hear that Beyonce has covered Amy Winehouse’s “Back to Black” for the soundtrack for The Great Gatsby? Bey teamed with Andre 3000 for a duet, and the entire soundtrack is being produced by Jay-Z. I think it sounds interesting, but Winehouse’s family are already issuing statements and demanding that Beyonce donate money to the Winehouse charity.

Photos courtesy of Vogue UK.

Here is the new single cover (?) image for Beyonce’s new single, “Bow Down”. I actually think the cover image is adorable and tongue-in-cheek… sort of. Like, is Beyonce capable of doing “tongue-in-cheek”? Is she capable of anything other than an in-your-face narcissist? But… is it sexist to roll your eyes at Beyonce’s Queen Beysus routine? If Justin Timberlake put out a similar cover with a similar “Bow Down” like order to the peasants, would we hate him as much? I think I personally would hate him MORE than Beyonce. Because Beyonce IS legendary, more so than JT. She’s a legend in her own mind, of course. But she also delivers.

Anyway, would you like to hear Bey’s new single? I’ll talk about it on the other side:

The first part is super-annoying and it reminds me of the worst parts of Nicki Minaj’s songs. Right? As for “Bow down, bitches!” Eh. Unless Benedict Cumberbatch says those words, I’m not into it. Like, I would hestitate to even write those words to all of you, my fellow bitches. Something about the word “bitches” with the command “bow down”. It’s making me feel… ugh. Gross. The twirly part after 1:20 is sketchy, right? Basically, this is not a good song at all. Blah.

Photos courtesy of Beyonce, Self Magazine.

Beyonce covers the April issue of Shape Magazine. I LOVE that swimsuit. It’s so cute, and I love that she isn’t hanging out of it. This is her first time covering Shape, I think. And guess what she’s talking about? You’ll never believe it. She’s talking about how much weight she gained while pregnant (side-eye) and how difficult it was to lose the weight (side-eye) and how anyone can lose weight if they just live like Beysus. So inspirational! Or something.

“Talking about weight can be a very touchy subject for women,” according to Shape magazine editor-in-chief, Tara Kraft (and, well, millions of other moms out there), but someone has to do it. Who better than one of the 100 sexiest women of the 21 Century herself? Beyonce Knowles.

Shape’s April 2013 issue features Knowles, who Kraft says is bravely willing to go where few women have gone — talking about weight — “because she wanted to make every woman out there feel like they, too, could achieve what she did.”

In case you blinked and missed what that achievement is, Knowles goes on to explain it — going from bootylicious pre-baby fabulousness to pregnancy and back, all in the span of three months — in a behind-the-scenes video of her Shape magazine cover shoot.

“I gained 57 pounds when I was pregnant. I didn’t have a lot of time to lose the weight, because I scheduled a show three months after I gave birth, which I would never do again,” Knowles says in the minute-and-a-half video clip. “I’m not a person that is naturally very thin. I am a person that has to work at keeping my body in shape,” she goes on to say, adding that dance is what keeps her active.

Add cardio, lunges, and a diet full of veggies and lean meat to that, according to Shape editor-at-large, Bahar Takhtehchian, who revealed to The Insider last year what Beyoncé’s post-baby fitness routine consisted of. Trainer Marco Borges said it’s one vegan meal a day that has helped Bey keep her nearly 60 pound weight gain at bay.

But while “it’s really really hard to lose your baby weight, because you don’t always have the time,” as Kraft admits, it’s easy to work it into your lifestyle the way Beyoncé does, she says. “She’s not setting the bar too high, she’s helping everyone feel like they can get there.”

Beyoncé, on the other hand, says that where she is, isn’t necessarily where everyone else needs to be. “Not everyone is supposed to be the same. Be healthy and take care of yourself, but be happy with the beautiful things that make you, you.”

[From Shape Magazine via HuffPo]

Even though Beyonce is usually deserving of some “O RLY”-screams, I like that she acknowledges that “Not everyone is supposed to be the same” and at least her trainer isn’t trying to tell all women that they need to lose all of their baby weight and do it right now. So, in some ways Beyonce and her team are WAY better than Gwyneth Paltrow and Tracy “Let Me Take Off Your Pants So I Can Body-Shame You” Anderson. Now, even with Beyonce’s caveats, I still don’t believe that it was so super-easy for her to “get back into shape” after the baby. By most accounts, she was dancing, training and working out for like eight hours a day after Blue Ivy was born. And that’s not realistic for most women.

Photos courtesy of Shape Magazine.

If you’ve been following this blog long enough, you’ll know that I’m not a shoe person. CB is the shoe person around here – I’m more of a purse and jewelry person. I can talk about purses and jewelry all day, every day. I spend half the year in flip-flips and the other half of the year in quilted, faux-fur lined slippers (while I’m working, obviously). So I’m probably the wrong person to judge another woman for the insane amount of money she will spend on shoes. But in this particular case of Beyonce and her custom-made PMK high-top sneakers, it’s not just about the insane amount on money. It’s about Beyonce wanting (and getting) a ridiculous amount of animal skins put onto these crazy sneakers. For literally no reason other than “because she can.”

Frankly, they look like a reasonably ordinary pair of white trainers. But try telling that to Beyonce – or animal rights campaigners. For these shoes, commissioned by the singer, are made from no fewer than five different animal skins: stingray, anaconda, ostrich, crocodile and calf.

Fans and animal welfare groups alike condemned Beyonce, 31, as ‘cruel’ and ‘spoilt’ for having the trainers made.

A spokesman for animal charity PETA said: ‘These custom-made kicks come with a high price – and it’s paid by the various animals who were beaten and skinned alive or cruelly farmed and killed.’

He added: ‘We hope that one day she’ll go completely cruelty-free.’

Andrew Tyler, director of Animal Aid, described the trainers as ‘a brazen publicity stunt’. ‘The less that is said about it the better,’ he added.

The cream colour shoes are a take on the wedge-style trainer, made popular by designer Isabel Marant, but given a so-called Eden makeover by PMK using a hybrid of land and sea skins.

Called The King-Bey, the shoes, which have been given Beyonce’s approval, are decorated with gold accents. The price is as yet undisclosed, but a regular pair sells in excess of £230 ($350) so this embellished pair would sell for far more.

PMK is a favourite brand of Beyonce and her A-list husband Jay Z – indeed, Jay Z had a shoe designed for him last year- the Brooklyn Zoo – by the brand. His pair were as lavish as his wife’s, with an endless roll call of reptile skins used to make the shoe.

Of the trainer they designed for Jay-Z, PMK said: ‘The Brooklyn Zoo 1′s cannot be tamed with an elaborate combination of elephant-print, ostrich, python, boa, crocodile, lizard, alligator, suede, and sting ray intricately cut to transform the Jordan 1 from a basketball sneaker into the world’s most daring and dapper sneaker concepts known to man.’

[From The Mail]

I honestly don’t understand the whole fur thing, but I wear leather, and I will admit to lusting after some ostrich-skin purses and some purses with various reptile-skin accents. That being said, I balked at the laundry list of animal skins used to make these FUG shoes. If you’re going to wear animal skins, I think you should own it and be able to defend yourself, like, “this object is beautiful and I don’t give a crap about the suffering of these animals, so I don’t care what you say.” But I get the feeling that Beyonce doesn’t even think she owes anyone an explanation for anything – because she’s King Bey, because nothing she ever does is wrong, because why wouldn’t she wear fug high-tops made from six different animal skins? She’s like the Marie Antoinette of fug shoewear.

Photos courtesy of Beyonce’s Tumblr and PMK.

It’s still The Year of Beyonce!! I was considering referring to it as “The Month of Beyonce” but really, it’s the Year of Bey. 2013 is going to be all Beyonce, all the time. She’s rebranding herself as a mother/global superstar/fashion designer/documentary filmmaker/etc. She’s like 30 different things. This weekend Beyonce’s HBO documentary debuted, and her Oprah interview aired. So there will be lots of Bey News coming out this week, so just prepare yourselves. During the Oprah interview, Beyonce claimed she would have another baby after she toured this year. AND she claims that Blue Ivy (note: I first wrote “Blue Icy” which is a great baby name) is some kind of genius prodigy.

Beyonce and Jay-Z are raising a prodigy. To promote her HBO documentary, Life Is But a Dream, the “End of Time” singer appeared on the Feb. 16 episode of Oprah’s Next Chapter and opened up about life with her daughter, Blue Ivy Carter.

“She is hilarious and she is fire. Lord, am I going to have me a time!” the R&B diva said of her 13-month-old little girl with her 43-year-old husband. “She’s very smart. She’s doing flashcards. She’s beautiful.”

The 31-year-old Texas native credits Blue Ivy with expanding her worldview. “My daughter introduced me to myself,” she explained. “Motherhood made everything make sense.”

When host Oprah Winfrey asked the 17-time Grammy winner when she plans to give Blue Ivy a sibling, Beyonce smiled wide. “I definitely want to have another child. But it’s also important for me to do what I love. I love to make music. I wanted to see after I had my daughter, if I was still as passionate about performing,” she answered. “Maybe after this next tour I’ll have another.”

During the interview, Beyonce also opened up about the miscarriage she suffered before conceiving Blue Ivy. “I felt like there are so many couples that go through that and it was a big part of my story. It was one of the hardest things I’ve been through. It was one of the reasons I did not reveal that I was pregnant the second time,” the songstress admitted. “You don’t know what’s going to happen. It was hard.”

[From Us Weekly]

Granted, I’m not a mother and I don’t know much of childrearing or what kind of educational marks babies and toddlers are supposed to be reaching and when, but I do wonder what “doing flashcards” means? Does that mean Beyonce shows her the educational flashcards and Blue enjoys them, or that Blue is, like, reading? Celebrity moms always get in trouble with this kind of “My Child’s a Genius” bragging – remember when Jennifer Garner’s friend claimed a then-3-year-old Violet was “reading Jane Austen”? Or my favorite – when Gisele claimed her 6-month-old son was potty trained. Now, I think flashcards are a great way to spend time with your kids, and who knows? They probably do help a lot. So I’m not mad at Beyonce or anything. This isn’t the worst.

As for Bey having another baby… we’ll see. We’ll see.

Photos courtesy of WENN, Beyonce’s Tumblr, HBO.

Last night, Beyonce’s Beyonce-themed, all-about-Beyonce, directed by Beyonce documentary Life Is But A Dream premiered on HBO. I didn’t watch it, so please don’t expect me to talk about it, but feel free to discuss it. The header image is apparently an outtake image from the documentary, and it’s the first time we’ve seen Blue Ivy Carter’s full-on face in a year (although we have had glimpses of her head to varying degrees in the past year). Everyone is making a big deal about how Blue Ivy looks so much like Jay-Z… but…? I mean, I can see a resemblance to Jay. But I also think she looks like Beyonce too. She’s got an interesting blend of both parents, and maybe I’m not seeing what everyone else is seeing. Maybe she got Jay-Z’s eyes? Blue Ivy is more than 13 months old at this point – to me she looks older than that.

In case you’re like me and you haven’t watched the documentary, various sites have recaps so I’m sure you’ll catch up. One of my favorite details that’s come out is that Beyonce claims to have gained 57 pounds during her pregnancy. For real? No she didn’t.

I’m also including some images from Beyonce’s appearance as the cover girl for The Gentlewoman’s Spring/Summer issue. It’s a UK publication, and I kind of like the subdued black-and-white images. I prefer them to Beyonce’s Terry Richardson photo shoot, you know? I don’t even know if she’s wearing makeup!

Photos courtesy of Instagram and Beyonce’s Tumblr.