I’ve watched this clip of Nick Jonas’s appearance on Jimmy Kimmel twice now, and I still haven’t figured out if Nick Jonas was being disrespectful to Bob Dylan. Jonas was being asked about his part in the new “We Are the World” recording, and he says that the producers asked Lil Wayne to sing the part originally done by Bob Dylan. Jonas quotes Lil Wayne as saying “I can’t sing.” To which Nick Jonas replied, “And I’m like, ‘exactly. Perfect.’” Kimmel underlines the point saying “Nick Jonas says Bob Dylan can’t sing.”

But is that really what Nick was saying or what he meant? If it is, then I can only offer a “Bitch, please” to Nick. Bob Dylan might not have a conventionally “good” singing voice, but his voice has more heart, intelligence and soul than a pipsqueak like Nick Jonas can even imagine in his wildest dreams. But I’m still not sure that Nick was intending to say “Bob Dylan is a horrible singer.” I think he was trying to say “that part in the song could easily go to someone who doesn’t have a conventionally ‘good’ voice.” Why am I defending Nick Jonas? I have no idea.

Bob Dylan put out a Christmas album earlier this month, Christmas in The Heart, with all proceeds to go to charity. The songs are cheesy as hell but once you get past the surprise you start wondering if Dylan is in on the joke or if he’s serious in his Christmas revelry. He’s probably a little of both. The result can fill you with giddy seasonal mirth if you’re able to get past the shock and indignation that the great Dylan has been reduced to singing Christmas tunes. (This news came out a couple of weeks ago, so if you’ve already heard it please forgive our lateness. It’s news to me, though, and is so mind boggling I just had to cover it.)

It’s the worst album Bob Dylan has released since 1970′s Self Portrait. It’s a total ear-bleeder. It’s a hoax.

These are just a few of the critical judgments that have already seen print about Christmas In The Heart, which is, yes, the new Christmas album from Bob Dylan. It just goes to prove there’s nothing like a mixture of sincerity, self-deprecating humor and an appreciation for unfashionable aspects of the past to get people in full-bore sarcastic-cynicism mode.

Among those criticisms is the odd complaint that Dylan’s voice sounds awful. I’m sorry, have you not been listening to Dylan for the past decade — or for his entire career? An imperfect vocal instrument is at once characteristic of Dylan and a limitation he’s frequently turned to his advantage. And as far as the idea that covering songs such as “Christmas Island” and “Here Comes Santa Claus” is cornball, well, the flip-side of cornball is amusement in context. Dylan, producing himself under the name “Jack Frost,” is surrounding himself with sweet choral voices and arrangements straight out of a 1960s middle-of-the-road or “countrypolitan” album. It’s just that instead of hearing Johnny Mathis or Eddy Arnold crooning, you have Dylan croaking with both solemnity and a wink.

Come on — that’s fun, in the manner of other Christmas songs ranging from Eartha Kitt’s “Santa Baby” to the Waitresses’ “Christmas Wrapping.” So is Dylan’s polka-rhythm version of “Must Be Santa,” with help from Los Lobos’ David Hidalgo on accordion.

Yes, there are some lousy clunkers on this album. I don’t think anyone is capable of making “Little Drummer Boy” endurable. (Yes, I do remember the campy/sincere Bing Crosby-David Bowie collaboration from years ago.) And Dylan does make his slow, deliberate version of “I’ll Be Home For Christmas” sound more like a threat than a promise.

As is consistent with current Dylan, the album operates as a further exploration of American popular song in all its forms, no matter how uncool. In the same spirit as his satellite radio show, Christmas in the Heart contains some put-ons, some sincerity, some goofy humor and some deep dives into the mystery of what it means to celebrate the birth of Christ in both Latin and the language of kitsch.

Proceeds from this album will go to a charity, Feeding America. What can I say? This holiday season, while trimming the tree, I am just as likely to put on Christmas In The Heart as frequently as I do Phil Spector’s great album A Christmas Gift For You. Ho-ho-ho.

[From NPR]

Gawker has a montage of the “most Dylanesque” songs on the album, and you can head over there to check it out. You can also hear more at the audio link on the NPR editorial I quoted above. He does “Silver Bells,” “Hark The Herald Angels,” “O’ Come All Ye Faithful” and other classics, both serious and funny. It’s insane, right? It made me smile from ear to ear, though, and Dylan is donating all US proceeds to the the charity Feeding America. International proceeds go to the United Nations’ World Food Programme and the group Crisis. Some people will inevitably bash it, but Christmas From the Heart has plenty of fans as well as detractors – it’s #15 on the Amazon music charts.

Dylan has expressed his desire to address the hunger issue around the world, and said in an announcement “It’s a tragedy that more than 35 million people in this country alone—12 million of those children—often go to bed hungry and wake up each morning unsure of where their next meal is coming from. I join the good people of Feeding America in the hope that our efforts can bring some food security to people in need during this holiday season.” Dylan is also bringing us joy with his unique gravelly voice. It’s nice to see him poke fun at himself in honor of a good cause.

Bob Dylan: Christmas Blues (this has an ad in a foreign language on it, but the song is there.)

Header image via BobDylan.com

While driving, would you like to guided by the melodious mumbling of Bob Dylan? I actually wouldn’t mind that in the least – and I think there are probably a lot of people who feel the same way. Bob Dylan admitted to Britain’s Telegraph newspaper that he’s been offered the chance to be “the voice” of several car companies’ GPS navigational services. You know what would be better than having Bob Dylan tell you where to drive? Hearing Cate Blanchett, doing her Bob Dylan impression, tell you where to drive. Anyway, it turns out that if Bob Dylan accepts the offer, he wouldn’t be the first “celebrity” to voice a navigational system, but he would be the first “A-List” person to do it:

Bob Dylan, the singer-songwriter who has taken his fans down Highway 61 by way of Lonely Avenue and Desolation Row, is in negotiations to voice a satellite navigation system.

The music star claimed that he has been approached by more than one manufacturer keen to harness his unmistakeable, rasping tones – a voice which one critic memorably likened to sandpaper. He shared the news with listeners to his late-night radio show, Theme Time Radio Hour, which is broadcast on BBC Six Music.

“You know I don’t usually like to tell people what I’m doing, but I’m talking to a couple of car companies about the possibility of being the voice of their GPS system,” he disclosed.

Motorists who follow Dylan’s directions, however, may take some time to reach their destination. “I think it would be good if you are looking for directions and you heard my voice saying something like, ‘Left at the next street…. No, right… You know what? Just go straight.” He added: “I probably shouldn’t do it because whichever way I go, I always end up at one place – Lonely Avenue.”

Dylan, 66, would not be the first celebrity to lend his voice to a GPS system. TomTom, the sat-nav manufacturer, currently offers the voices of Homer Simpson and John Cleese, while Kim Cattrall, the Sex and the City actress, and The A Team actor Mr. T are also popular among British motorists.

Several websites offer impersonations of celebrity voices for download, with Sean Connery, Ozzy Osbourne and David Hasselhoff among the favourites for drivers who consider the computerised sat-nav tones to be on the boring side.

Eddie Izzard, the comedian, offers his own set of directions, which include phrases such as: “For God’s sake, turn left!” and “Bear left, monkey right.”

This would not be Dylan’s first foray into the commercial world. Earlier this year, he surprised many of his fans by allowing his music to be used in a television advert. Blowin’ In The Wind, his 1963 anthem, was featured in a commercial for the Co-operative Group.

The singer, who has sold more than 70 million albums during his career, recently topped the UK chart with his latest album, Together Thru Life.

[From the Telegraph]

The Co-operative Group advertisment isn’t the only “WTF?” sellout Bob Dylan has done – although, to give him credit, when Bob Dylan sells out, it’s usually pretty awesome and deliciously weird. There was his infamous 2004 foray into commercials with his appearance in Victoria’s Secret ads, which also featured music from his album at the time. There was also the 2007 circle jerk joint advertising venture with Cadillac and XM Radio, where Bob has his own radio show, “’Theme Time Radio Hour”. Lovely.

I hope Bob Dylan ends up voicing the navigation system – although his speaking and singing voice is rather convoluted and muttering, so I’d imagine there will be some confusion if and when the Bob Dylan Navigation System becomes operational. It’s kind of fun to think of whose voices I would like to hear give me directions. Cate Blanchett, in any incarnation, would be wonderful. I’d also like to hear John Malkovich, who has a lovely voice. Phillip Seymour Hoffman has a great voice too – and his would be really punchy and funny, I think. OH! You know who would kill it (in a good way)? Clive Owen! Oh, hot damn. Forget Dylan, I want Clive to tell me where to go. Wait… if Clive was the voice of a GPS system, a lot of women would be driving off the road due to their uncontrollable hot flashes.

The earliest known poem of Bob Dylan’s, written when he was 16 at a Jewish summer camp, was up for auction at Christie’s when someone pointed out that they aren’t his words his at all. Instead, Dylan had rewritten the lyrics (with a few variations) to the Hank Snow song “Little Buddy.” Although it is now clear that Bob Dylan (then Robert Zimmerman) plagiarized, Christie’s is still auctioning off the item as his earliest known handwritten poem in their Pop Culture auction.

Christie’s announced on Tuesday the sale of the hand-written poem believed to have been written in 1957 when Dylan was 16 and away at Jewish camp.

But Christie’s failed to detect that the words, with a few minor variations, matched those of a song previously recorded by Snow, who died in 1999 at age 85.

Reuters discovered the lyrics matched the Snow song when alerted by a reader. Reuters then informed the auction house.

“Additional information has come to our attention about the handwritten poem submitted by Bob Dylan to his camp newspaper, written when he was 16, entitled ‘Little Buddy.’ The words are in fact a revised version of lyrics of a Hank Snow song,” Christie’s said in a statement.

“This still remains among the earliest known handwritten lyrics of Bob Dylan and Christie’s is pleased to offer them in our Pop Culture auction on June 23.”

The manuscript had been expected to fetch $10,000 to $15,000.

Christie’s said Dylan, still using his given name Robert Zimmerman, signed the piece Bobby Zimmerman and submitted it to the Herzl Camp newspaper. The editor of the paper kept it for more than 50 years and recently donated it to Herzl Camp, a Jewish camp in Wisconsin, Christie’s said.

Written in blue ink on both sides of a single sheet of paper, it reads in part, “But I’ll meet my precious buddy up in the sky/ By a tiny narrow grave/ Where the willows sadly wave.” Those words and others match the Snow song.

[from MSNBC via Gossip Rocks]

Although it was supposed to go for up to $15,000 when it was still thought to be his first original poem, I can’t imagine that it would go for much less. It’s still Bob Dylan memorabilia. But it amazes me that it took someone that long to figure it out. Hank Snow had over 70 singles on the Billboard charts from 1950 to 1980, and you’d think someone would know the song.

At least Bob Dylan proved himself later on, and didn’t use plagiarized work as proof he was a changed man (or woman) the way Paris did.

Unlike some of Bob Dylan’s contemporaries in age (but not talent – he has no contemporaries in talent), whenever Dylan speaks, everyone listens. Perhaps this is because he rarely gives interviews. Perhaps it’s because when he does give an interview, he usually shows that he’s been paying pretty close attention to everything we’ve been doing.

Dylan’s done his fair share of political music and most of it is pretty brilliant. Dylan’s not known as a hopeless lefty or a secret Republican, he just seems to be anti-bigotry, anti-corruption, anti-pain. But Bob made a rare endorsement last year, for Barack Obama. So, is Dylan rethinking his endorsement of the now-president Obama? Not really.

With typical Dylan thoughtfulness, he’s reflecting on the nature of time, power and history. He says about Obama, “I have no idea [if Obama will be a good president]. He’ll be the best president he can be. Most of those guys come into office with the best of intentions and leave as beaten men. Johnson would be a good example of that… Nixon, Clinton in a way, Truman, all the rest of them going back. You know, it’s like they all fly too close to the sun and get burned.” Dylan also talks about how he finds Obama’s background fascinating, saying “He’s like a fictional character, but he’s real.” The Telegraph has more:

Bob Dylan has expressed fears that US President Barack Obama will leave office a “beaten” man despite beginning his term with the best of intentions.

Dylan was among the star names who voiced their support for Mr Obama during last year’s presidential campaign, citing him as someone “who is redefining the nature of politics from the ground up”.

However, in his latest interview, the singer appeared doubtful that Mr Obama really can effect change. Asked if he thought Mr Obama would make a good president, Dylan replied: “I have no idea. He’ll be the best president he can be. Most of those guys come into office with the best of intentions and leave as beaten men. Johnson would be a good example of that… Nixon, Clinton in a way, Truman, all the rest of them going back. You know, it’s like they all fly too close to the sun and get burned.”

Dylan first became intrigued by Mr Obama after reading his autobiography, Dreams From My Father. “He’s like a fictional character, but he’s real,” the singer said in the interview with author Bill Flanagan, published in Newsweek.

The politician’s heritage – a Kenyan father from a tradition of “lion killers” and a mother from “wizard of Oz Kansas” – also proved fascinating to Dylan.

“I mean, it’s just so incongruous that these two people would meet and fall in love. You kind of get past that, though. And then you’re into his story. Like an odyssey, except in reverse. First of all, Barack is born in Hawaii. Most of us think of Hawaii as paradise, so I guess you could say that he was born in paradise.”

Dylan said there was nothing in Mr Obama’s book that indicated he would make a good politician. “In some sense, you would think being in the business of politics would be the last thing that this man would want to do. I think he had a job as an investment banker on Wall Street for a second, selling German bonds. But he probably could’ve done anything. If you read his book, you’ll know that the political world came to him. It was there to be had.”

Mr Obama is a fan of the singer and has spoken of having “probably 30 Dylan songs on my iPod”.

From The Telegraph

Dylan for President! Wouldn’t that be a hoot? We could elect him just for a few months, then impeach him for getting high or something. Now I’m obsessed with finding out Dylan’s views on all of the hot-button issues.

I actually like and agree with what Dylan is saying – it’s so common sense and pragmatic, and it’s something you would never hear from a pundit or journalist. I can’t even imagine Chris Matthews saying something like “Hey, he’ll do his best, but power corrupts even the best of us, dude. Just chill and give him time.”

Bob Dylan is shown performing at ‘Rock in Rio’ in Madrid on 7/6/08. Obama is shown on 4/2/09 at the press conference for the G20 Summit in London. Credit: WENN.com

Bob Dylan is so desired and famous that he has full-time bodyguards. These men are paid to keeps the fanatics off of Bob, and if need be, they would probably take a bullet for him. The bodyguards are probably paid very well for the services they render. But no matter how much they get paid, no matter how well they protect Bob Dylan, he won’t let them use the bathrooms inside his Malibu compound.

So what to do? Bob had portable toilets installed on the grounds of his Malibu home, specifically for the bodyguards’ usage. Apparently, those guys just dump all of the time, because the “fumes” emanating from the Port-a-potties are messing up the neighborhood. Neighbors complained about the stank, and now public health officials are investigating the situation. The Daily Telegraph has more:

The folksinger and civil rights campaigner Bob Dylan is facing a protest in his own backyard after neighbours complained about a noxious portable toilet in the grounds of his California home.

Dylan, 67, who had the 1963 hit “Blowin’ in the wind”, is under investigation by public health officials over whiffs emanating from a lavatory used by security guards at his cliffside compound at Point Dune, Malibu.

One couple, David and Cindy Emminger, claim the singer has ignored repeated requests to deal with the problem, forcing them to install five industrial-sized fans to divert the smell.

They claim that even the fans have not had the desired effect, as the Pacific breeze that sweeps across the area forces the odours back in their direction. “It’s a scandal – ‘Mr Civil Rights’ is killing our civil rights,” said Mr Emminger.

He alleged that the lavatory, which was installed on Dylan’s grounds six months ago, had made parts of his family home uninhabitable. He also claims his eight year old son has fallen ill from the fumes, which he describes as being from a “toxic, hazardous, carcinogenic chemical toilet”.

His wife told the Los Angeles Times. “I couldn’t figure out at first where the smell was coming from, until I finally noticed that they had moved the porta-potty directly in front of my front door. We both have allergies and are sensitive to chemicals.”

The newspaper claimed than a city public health inspector was sent to inspect the Dylan property in January, but was turned away and accused of trespassing by the security staff.

Malibu Mayor Andy Stern said, however, that no other neighbours seemed to have experienced problems.

Dylan, who is also famous for songs such as “Like a Rolling Stone” and “All Along the Watchtower”, has not yet commented on the row, despite it attracting considerable publicity locally. One California television crew even hovered over his property in order to capture video footage of the offending commode.

[From The Telegraph]

I chuckled when the neighbor complained “We both have allergies and are sensitive to chemicals.” It’s not an allergy, dude, you just don’t want your property to smell like sh-t. It’s a simple as that, you don’t have to talk about an “allergy” or “sensitivity” to the smell. No one blames you. It would be fun to pass off things I don’t like or want as an “allergy”. I have an “allergy” to physics. I have a motorcycle sensitivity.

Besides that, I don’t really get why Bob Dylan needs all of these bodyguards. He’s very famous, and yes, he probably has more than a few stalkers. So if he really, really needs full-time bodyguards, just let them do the number two in the house. Enough with the port-a-potties.