Even though she’s more famous for showing her boobs than any of the so-called “work” she’s ever done, actress Lindsay Lohan says she won’t be baring her breasts for Playboy. The gentlemen’s mag offered her $700,000 to take it all off for their 55th Anniversary issue, but apparently Lohan has suddenly found dignity and can’t bring herself to shed some skin for the masses.

IT’S once nude, twice shy for Lindsay Lohan. The Sapphic-leaning star has turned down a $700,000 offer to do an eight-page topless spread in Playboy’s 55th-anniversary issue this January. “If there’s nudity, then the answer’s no . . . She’s not going down the [New York] magazine road again,” Lohan’s rep told Playboy’s creative consultant, Hal Lifson, referring to Lindsay’s naked Marilyn Monroe tribute last winter. Lifson said he hoped to have Lohan do a tribute to ’60s sex kitten Ann-Margret and her film “Kitten With a Whip,” which is one of Lohan’s faves.

[From the New York Post]

Lohan really isn’t in any position to be turning down any work according to most insiders. For the last few years she’s been consistently reported to be pretty cash strapped. $700,000 is a lot of purses. Not only has she posed naked in the very recent past for New York Magazine, but she dresses in a manner to ensure that she’s constantly giving nipple slips to any guy who will so much as pass her the butter. Normally I wouldn’t be encouraging someone who doesn’t want to go topless to bare the goods, but in her case what’s the harm? It’s nothing we haven’t seen (in excess) before.

Here’s Lindsay on the set of “Ugly Betty” with America Ferrera in New York yesterday. Photographer: Hugh Dillon. Images thanks to WENN.

Even though it’s rare to see anymore, I really respect actresses that are happy with their natural chests instead of getting augmentation. I think most boob jobs look pretty silly – I’m really supposed to believe you weigh 103 pounds and naturally have DDs? I never really thought I’d use Sienna Miller’s name in the same sentence as “respect,” but I did respect that she seemed to be more than happy with her natural breasts. She was certainly whipping off her top whenever she could.

It’s debatable, but it seems Sienna might have had a boob job. She says that she used those “chicken cutlet” type inserts for her upcoming role in G.I. Joe, but these pictures make it seem like it might be surgical enhancement instead.

But the 26-year old English actress did not get a surgical breast augmentation, as instead Sienna used “chicken cutlets” bra inserts to stuff inside her bra and make her breasts look bigger. She got bigger breasts because the film’s director, Stephen Sommers, said that her natural breast were not big enough.

“They gave me these things that looked like chicken fillets. The director said, ‘I’m gonna be honest, I like girls with big boobs’, and I don’t have them so we made them bigger.”

Although she was offended by the director’s request, she complied with it.

“At least he’s honest. But I was mildly offended,” said Sienna Miller.

[From Make Me Heal]

Here’s Sienna leaving her mother’s house in London today. From the best I can gather it appears that G.I. Joe is done shooting, so the only reason for Sienna to be wearing the cutlet bra is because she likes it. Fame also speculates that she might be pregnant, and notes that there’s gossip she and boyfriend Balthazar Getty have moved in together. Images thanks to Fame.

U.K. glamour model Jordan, a.k.a. Katie Price, emerged from her latest round of cosmetic surgery almost unrecognizable. The busty mother of three has had yet another breast reduction- this time making her almost completely flat chested. I’d estimate that she’s gone from a C-cup to an A-cup this time. Her last boob job was also a reduction- at the time, she said that she was getting them lifted to look like “a fake American-style boob job.” Hey, to each his own. She is also the latest victim of a scary celeb trend known as the “trout pout” - her lips are plumped to the verge of looking cartoonish.

Jordan has ventured out in LA for the first time since her boob reduction op last week. The glamour girl wore a baggy top to disguise the work she’s undergone, but failed to hide her noticeably fatter lips. Still, she evidently wasn’t feeling too much discomfort from the surgical procedure as she wandered around carrying countless bags of purchases from Fred Segal.

Though her top gave little away, Jordan’s bust seems to be a far smaller version of its former over-inflated self.

[From The Sun]

I am really starting to think that Jordan has a case of that body dysmorphic disorder. It’s defined as a condition “in which the affected person is excessively concerned about and preoccupied by an imagined or minor defect in his or her physical features.” In this case, her chest. I’ve lost count of how many surgeries this girl has had by now. I imagine that without clothes, her entire bosom is starting to resemble a grilled cheese sandwich. Hopefully this is her last one- but I guess as long as she’s able to find a surgeon willing to take her money, this could go on until all that’s left are two sad, deformed little nipples.

Price is shown out at Kitson in LA on 8/13/08. Credit: WENN

By most people’s impressions, Keira Knightley might have some body issues. She’s rail thin, though constantly denying that she has an eating disorder. And while looking at her arms makes you think she must have an unhealthy body image, she’s shown a remarkably good attitude about her breasts – or lack thereof. Keira says she’s fine with the way her chest looks – and is refusing to have it digitally enhanced for her upcoming film The Duchess.

Keira Knightley has refused to allow any enhancement of her cleavage on publicity photos for her upcoming movie, “The Duchess,” Britain’s Daily Mail reports. Studio heads reportedly want to enlarge Knightley’s bosom in the photos, but the actress, 23, put her foot down.

“She has insisted that her figure stay in its natural state,” an insider said. “She is proud of her body and doesn’t want it altered.” This isn’t the first time Knightley has faced this dilemma. The actress drew negative attention in 2004 with her larger-than-usual breasts in publicity stills for “King Arthur.”

“Those things certainly weren’t mine,” Fox News quoted her as saying in 2006. According to Knightley, the studio marketing team was behind her suddenly C-cup breasts, but gave her final approval on the photos. “I was like, ‘OK, fine. I honestly don’t give a s—,’” she recalled.

Knightley has expressed dissatisfaction with her small bustline. “I would love to have [breasts]!” she told Britain’s GMTV last year, adding, “I’m never going to get [them]. I’m naturally who I am.” While she’s a fan of going au naturale in “The Duchess,” Knightley looks “flat-chested in the whole movie,” the source says.

[From the Daily News]

The “insider’s” statement that Keira is, “‘proud of her body and doesn’t want it altered,” goes against Knightley’s own statement that she would love to have breasts. But it seems like what they’re getting at is Keira has made peace with her chest and doesn’t want to lie about it, or promote the idea that women need a big rack to be sexy. And she’s clearly okay with her bust – she’s bared her tater tots in five different films.

It’s hard to tell if she’ s being honest with herself in terms of eating/weight issues, but kudos to Keira for standing up for her bust.

Here’s Keira at the Venice Film Festival photocall for “Atonement” last August 29th. Images thanks to Fame.

Sienna Miller is one great big bundle of contradictions. Or a hypocrite, depending on how you want to put it. The woman is barely able to keep her top on. I cannot think of any celebrity whose breasts I’ve seen so often I could pick them out of a lineup. And though she seems physically incapable of keeping her shirt on in public, Sienna Miller is suing over the slew of boobie pics of late – and there have been tons. Taken on multiple occasions.

Sienna Miller is suing two media organizations over the topless photos of her vacationing with new beau Balthazar Getty.

According to London’s The Guardian, she claims photo agency Big Pictures and British tabloids News of the World and the Sun violated her privacy by publishing photos and stories about her new romance.

The suit comes days after Getty announced he and his wife Rosetta (with whom he has four children) have separated. In a statement, the actor said “the breakdown of a marriage is a very difficult and painful experience especially when children are involved.” He added that the photos that “have surfaced in print and on the Internet” have “caused myself and my family great embarrassment.”

[From Us Weekly]

Sienna doesn’t just have a history of walking around al fresco, she also has a long history of suing photographers over it. And winning. I’m not saying the woman doesn’t have a right to privacy. And I’m not saying she shouldn’t be able to walk around topless where it’s legal, if that’s what she wants to do. But it’s just about publicity.

If Miller really didn’t want her nipples splashed across the pages of The Sun, then she should keep them behind a nice peasant top. It’s crazy how that works. If you keep your nipples to yourself, photographers won’t take pictures of them. If you go outdoors and shove them into your boyfriend’s hands, photographers will take pictures of them. It’s a pretty simple equation, really.

I hope this lawsuit gets thrown out. It makes me think of the morbidly obese man who sued Wendy’s restaurants because the booths weren’t large enough for him to sit in. As the judge pointed out, the man was too large for the booths, it wasn’t that the booths are too small. Thus the man was ordered by the judge to lose weight (though I’m not saying that was necessarily an appropriate solution in that case).

Similarly, Sienna seems to have confused the essential issue here. It’s not like photographers were snapping pictures of here walking around inside her house naked. She was outdoors on a boat. And on a deck. And a couple other places. She’s been shirtless so often lately that it’s hard to keep track. The judge should order her to keep her top on in public. Or take it off, for all I care. She just needs to stop complaining about the logical result of her actions.

Here’s Sienna at the 2007 Golden Globes. Header image at the New York screening of the film Interview last July 11th. Images thanks to WENN.

Ever since George Clooney and former Las Vegas cocktail waitress Sarah Larson broke up, rumors have been flying. Did they break up because of her oversharing in Harper’s Bazaar, or did she leave him over his hot-and-cold romance techniques? And why did George suddenly go out and get new chompers? Well, the latest rumor to add to the pile is that the couple split over a disagreement on Sarah’s breast augmentation surgery.

Could Sarah Larsen’s newly-enhanced breasts have prompted her split from George Clooney?

The former Vegas cocktail waitress underwent breast augmentation in May this year, and a U.S magazine suggests that the actor just isn’t a boob man.

“George really didn’t want her to get the boob job. She asked George if she could do her recovery at his house and he agreed,” an insider tells In Touch Weekly.

As for the break-up itself, it appears that George let the press do his dirty work for him. What a gent!

The source adds, “They had a huge fight and he left the house. Sarah read in the media that they’d broken up and freaked out because George hadn’t told her anything.

“He had to explain himself because she’d found out with the rest of the world.”

At least Sarah still has her new curves to fall back on.

A friend says, “She likes her new body so much that she would consider posing for Playboy. Now that she’s famous, she’d never go back to cocktailing.”

[From Entertainmentwise]

Even if it’s true that they disagreed over her surgery, my guess is that he was looking for a reason to dump her anyway. And as for Sarah - she’d better be careful about using words like “Famous” and “Never.” I’m sure that there are women who were a lot more famous than her who ended up going back to waitressing. Or reality show whoring. Or stripping. Or whatever it was she was doing before George made her his arm candy du jour.

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s Sarah Larson post and pre-boob job. Header photo of George and Sarah in happier times. Pictures thanks to WENN.

34 year-old porn star Maxi Mounds was declared the record holder for the newly created “largest augmented breasts” category by the Guinness Book of World Records. Ms. Mounds first asked Guinness in 2003 if they would consider adding the category as she would be a “natural” front-runner. They informed her this year that the category was created and that she would be the winner based on her measurements, which are 60.5 inches when her chest is measured across the nipples.

Ms. Mounds’ breasts were created using a procedure that was banned in the EU and America in 2001. She had propylene string implanted in her breasts, which results in bodily fluids being released as the string irritates the tissue. The breasts can grow to such cartoonish sizes because the fluids keep building up.

Mounds started out as a lap dancer in the 1990s. She said she first had silicone, then saline implants, and finally the string implants, which she had in 2000. Eight years later and it looks like she must have severe health problems and a sore back. Her breasts now weight 20 pounds each and she wears a size 36MMM bra. I thought that Christina Aguilera’s breasts looked painful and sore. This is just outrageous.

Story details and photos from Telegraph.co.uk (which has since removed this story, so I got it from the google cache) and Metro.co.uk.

Maxi Mounds before surgery:

This year’s Miss USA pageant is shaping up to be even more annoying than usual, if that’s possible. In addition to the standard fare of helmet hair, vaseline smiles, swimsuits and stupid questions that somehow always lead to the answer “World Peace,” the Donald Trump-produced cheesefest will also feature Donny and Marie Osmond as hosts.

Donnie [sic] and Marie Osmond will host the upcoming Miss USA pageant. The Miss Universe Organization says the brother-and-sister, song-and-dance stars will perform on the NBC Universal show April 11 from the Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino on the Las Vegas Strip. The network owns the pageant with real estate mogul Donald Trump.

Pageant executives say the telecast will represent the first time Donny and Marie Osmond have hosted a prime-time show together since 2000.

[From Associated Press]

As if a Donny and Marie reunion wasn’t reason enough to send you screaming from your television set, guess who’s signed on as a judge for the pageant? None other than that one-legged lawyer-soaker, Heather Mills.

“Extra” has exclusively learned that Heather Mills has been booked as a judge for The Miss USA Pageant, scheduled to take place on April 11 in Las Vegas.

Mills was a contestant on last season’s “Dancing with the Stars.” She was just been awarded almost $50 million in her divorce settlement with Sir Paul McCartney.

[From ExtraTV]

I really don’t see how this show could get any worse, unless Donald Trump decided to compete in the swimsuit portion of the evening. I guess you could turn it into a drinking game- every time Heather Mills says something crazy, you do a shot. And every time Marie Osmond plugs her creepy dolls, you chug a beer. You’ll be wasted by the time the talent competition starts- which, if you think about it, is the only way to watch this crap.

Donny and Marie Osmond are shown performing at the Osmond Family reunion on 8/14/07, thanks to PRPhotos.

Can you say disgusting? Mario Lopez, most famous for starring in “Saved by the Bell” six hundred years ago, has the reputation of being quite the cad in Hollywood. Instead of trying to do decent projects, Mario seems to relish his access to skanks. He cheated on x-wife Ali Landry on their honeymoon, and has dated pretty much every woman that walks. While he did have a few respectable gigs, most notably as a very successful participant on Dancing with the Stars, Lopez decided to return to his roots: sleazy crap that no one ever pays attention to. Except for me. This past week, Mario flew to Las Vegas to host the “Boobs or Bust: Go Big or Go Home” party at Jet nightclub. Classy.

Mario Lopez might want to be a little more choosy about the gigs he accepts. Case in point: Last night’s Boobs or Bust 2/Go Big or Go Home party at Jet nightclub in Las Vegas. The former Dancing with the Stars contestant hosted the evening, which featured a contest for women competing to win $5,000 to help pay for breast augmentation surgery.

I kid you not. Here’s how it worked. The club distributed preprinted “boob bucks” to bottle-service customers. Women hoping for new breasts had to convince said customers to hand over their bucks. The gal who collected the most scored the grand prize.

[From E!]

You know he went home with at least three contestants. The article goes on to mention that Lopez was on his best behavior and kept security guards on hand to deal with any over-eager contestants. Though I’m pretty sure by “deal with” they meant “give Mario’s room key to.” Lopez has at various times denied/admitted/denied again dating Dancing with the Stars partner Katrina Smirnoff, though supposedly the pair are still together. Depending on who you believe. I have to say, I know people cheat, I know there’s a lot of reasons and a lot of arguments about it, but if you date a guy who cheated on his own honeymoon, you better not be surprised by just about anything he does. He could come home with a giraffe and two parrots and tell you they’re your new sister wives, and you better not raise an eyebrow. I’m not saying you should accept it, but you shouldn’t be surprised.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Mario Lopez is shown outside his hosting gig for “Boobs or Bust 2″ at Jet Nightclub in Las Vegas on December 10, 2007, thanks to PRPhotos.

Some people are just inherently classy, and there’s nothing you can do about it. You’ll say to them, “Hey, why don’t you relax, be a little more casual, you’re getting borderline uptight with all of your sophistication. Come mingle with the commoners.” Porn star/former California gubernatorial candidate Mary Carey is just such a lady. Not content with organizing a bake sale, Carey has decided to auction off her recently-removed 36-D implants and donate part of the money to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation. The rest of the funds will go towards paying her mother’s medical bills. She jumped off a four-story building in 2006, and obviously suffered major injuries. She’s had 11 surgeries since then.

So far the bidding is at $210 with 44 bids. There’s a little over eight days left. The eBay listing notes:

Have a very “Mary” Christmas and win the best stocking stuffer of all time. Mary Carey… is giving holiday shoppers an opportunity to take home what could be the seasons’ best stocking stuffer - her recently removed breast implants.

“Now that I’m sober, I wanted a new physical state to go along with my new mental state,” said Carey. “I thought the auction would be a great way to spread some holiday cheer and to make sure someone out there has a Mary Mary Christmas.”

[From eBay]

Mary is one of the participants on VH1’s upcoming “Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. “ VH1 hasn’t said what addictions each of the participants is dealing with. But apparently the breast implants have to do with her sobriety… and her mother… Carey gives a rather convoluted reason that I could interpret several ways, if I wanted to sit around and try to get into her head.

“I’m actually overall very anti-plastic surgery,” Carey said. “I watched my mom go through 11 surgeries (for her injuries) and it’s like, for me to voluntarily put myself through that, the only right thing to do is make money and donate it to charity.” Carey said the size 36-D implants were taken out two weeks ago and replaced with larger 36-DDDs and while under anesthesia she realized they could be used to raise money for breast cancer research. “The doctors asked me what I wanted to do with them and I said, ‘You know what, I’m going to keep them and try to sell them. Because my grandmother had breast cancer,” Carey told Reuters in an interview. “Now that I’m sober, I wanted a new physical state to go along with my new mental state. I thought the auction would be a great way to spread some holiday cheer and to make sure someone out there has a Mary Mary Christmas.”

[From Gossip Boulevard]

Oh my. I don’t know what I can add to that. I guess it’s a good thing that maybe her heart is in the right place? Probably? Considering the whole situation with her mother, I really don’t feel like I should be making jokes. So I’m just trying to present the statements Mary has given, with as little commentary as possible. Wikipedia notes that Mary’s mother has Fetal alcohol syndrome, and IMDB says she’s also been diagnosed with schizophrenia. Mary’s father has s cerebral palsy. Her grandparents got custody of her when she was three months old and later adopted her. Eventually her mother came to live with them as well. I have no idea to what extent porn stars are honest about their pasts and what’s invented, but the general story on the internet is that Mary’s grandparents put her in dance classes, in which she excelled and performed with the Miami City Ballet when she was 12. She won several dance scholarships, and ended up at Florida State University’s dance team. Her grandparents both got sick and she started working as a stripper, and then a porn star, to support the family. Depending on its accuracy, it’s an interesting and sad story. Never thought I’d say this, but it makes me hope Mary Carey’s implants fetch a lot of money. Bid away, readers.