Miley Cyrus has received a seven figure advance for her memoirs at the tender age of 15. Her book, which will undoubtedly be ghost or co-written, will cover her astronomic rise to fame from not-so-humble country star dad beginnings, and will be published by Disney Book Group.

Miley has issued a statement saying that she’s oh so excited to let everyone know how much her family means to her:

The book will focus on the 15-year-old’s road to fame, from growing up in Tennessee to navigating the spotlight as an international star, and how her family – especially mother Leticia – helps keep her grounded. According to Disney, the book will feature never-before-seen photos, family stories and a look at the star’s inner circle.

“I am so excited to let fans in on how important my relationship with my family is to me,” Cyrus said. “I hope to motivate mothers and daughters to build lifetimes of memories together, and inspire kids around the world to live their dreams.”

[From People.com]

This girl probably hasn’t had to write an essay in years, and now she’s getting a million bucks to put out a biography that either someone else will write or that all she’ll have to do is dictate, with someone else putting it together and editing it to make a compelling story. Miley has a private tutor, according to Wikipedia, and E! Online says that she goes to school on Fridays to take tests, so maybe I’m wrong that she is unskilled at writing, but you know Disney isn’t going to give her a million bucks and send her off on her way to write the thing.

Meanwhile more semi-scandalous photos of Miley hugging her previously-unknown maybe-boyfriend have come out. Earlier in the week the tween set let out a collective gasp at a photo of Miley lifting up her shirt to show part of her bra while a dark-haired guy around her age placed his hand lightly on her hip. Another picture showed Miley laying across his chest. The guy has been named as Thomas Sturges, but not much more information is available about him.

Photos via Gossip Rocks and The Hollywood Gossip.

Don’t you ever sit in the library and think, “This is alright, but what we really need are some books about plastic surgery for kids.” No? Odd. I’m pretty sure most of us have come upon this common problem: how do we explain our new breasts, our oddly arched eyebrows, or our creaseless faces to our four-year-olds? Granted I don’t have kids, but when I think about the future and all the worries modern parents have, I can’t help but stress at the thought of explaining my collagen lips and Nicole Kidman-esq forehead to my hypothetical daughter.

Luckily this problem has been taken care of: Doctor Michael Salzhauer, plastic surgeon to the stars (and your mom) has taken the burden off our shoulders and the fat off our guts. He’s written a new book for kids called “My Beautiful Mommy,” which aims to explain plastic surgery to the youngsters.

When she was pregnant with her son Junior, who turns nine this month, Gabriela Acosta ballooned from 115 pounds to 196. Acosta lost the weight but wound up with stretched, saggy skin. Even her son noticed it. He told her that her stomach looked “pruney,” the result, he thought, of staying in the shower too long. So the 29-year-old stay-at-home mom scheduled a consultation with Dr. Michael Salzhauer, a board-certified plastic surgeon in Bal Harbour, Fla.

Acosta told Salzhauer that she wasn’t sure how to talk to her son about the procedures she was considering. That’s when he showed her the manuscript for his children’s picture book, “My Beautiful Mommy” (Big Tent Books), out this Mother’s Day. It features a perky mother explaining to her child why she’s having cosmetic surgery (a nose job and tummy tuck). Naturally, it has a happy ending: mommy winds up “even more” beautiful than before, and her daughter is thrilled.

[From Newsweek]

Though it seems like a sad comment on our times – or at the very least, a semi-ridiculous attempt to make money with an unnecessary book – Newsweek talks to several experts who say it’s actually a pretty good idea. Plastic surgeries and “Mommy Makeovers” are more common today than ever – like it or not. Kids do notice those things – especially when mommy comes home looking like she just got beat up. That can be pretty scary, and when you don’t honestly explain what happened, children fill in the details on their own.

Child psychiatrist Elizabeth Berger, author of “Raising Kids With Character,” likes the idea of a book for kids. “If the mother is determined to pursue cosmetic surgery, I think it’s terribly important to discuss it with the child,” Berger says. But she says the book is incomplete. She wishes that the mom had just said something like, “This is silly, but I really want it anyway,” she says. “That is more honest and more helpful to the child.”

[From Newsweek]

Berger also notes that young kids are “concrete” and “sensible” – and know that you generally go to a doctor when you’re sick. It makes sense to share what’s really going on. Yet it’s hard to step away from the vanity of the book too. The implication that something is wrong with mommy - and that her natural body isn’t good enough – can obviously make a child think there’s something wrong with her own body. Not that many people are lucky enough to go through life without having body confidence issues, but seeing mommy’s cosmetic surgery could easily teach a kid that drastic measures must be taken to correct perceived flaws.

“My Beautiful Mommy” is an interesting concept and has certainly gotten a ton of press. It’ll be interesting to see if it ends up being a niche book that does some good, or if it goes down in the books as one giant step backwards.

Bobby Brown, fresh from a stint on the painful reality show “Gone Country,” has written a tell-all book about his marriage to diva Whitney Houston. I guess he needed the money to cover all his bail, back child support, and drug habit. Brown’s book attempts to paint his ex-wife as the one who introduced cocaine into the household, and claims that she only married him to kill rumors that she was gay.

With an ex-husband like Bobby Brown, Whitney Houston doesn’t need enemies.

In his upcoming autobiography, Brown blows the lid on his wildly dysfunctional marriage to the troubled, Grammy-winning diva, suggesting that she drove him into a nightmare of drug addiction.

“I never used cocaine until after I met Whitney. Before then, I had experimented with other drugs, but marijuana was my drug of choice,” Brown writes in “Bobby Brown: The Truth, the Whole Truth and Nothing But,” out next month. “At one point in my life, I used drugs uncontrollably. I was using everything I could get my hands on, from cocaine to heroin, weed and cooked cocaine.”

As far as his 15-year marriage to Houston is concerned, it “was doomed from the very beginning. Within the first year we separated, with several more to follow,” Brown writes. “I think we got married for all the wrong reasons. Now, I realize Whitney had a different agenda than I did when we got married . . . I believe her agenda was to clean up her image, while mine was to be loved and have children.”

Whitney, he alleges, had been under “a lot of pressure. The media was accusing her of having a bisexual relationship with her assistant, Robin Crawford. Since she was the American Sweetheart and all, that didn’t go too well with her image . . . In Whitney’s situation, the only solution was to get married and have kids. That would kill all speculation, whether it was true or not. In the short, I think I got caught up in the politics and ended up marrying one of the biggest stars in the world.”

But Brown notes that he was no saint in their relationship, confessing in his book, “I am guilty of sleeping with other women . . . Women are always throwing themselves at you. I’m only human, so I would make the mistake and bite the hook sometimes . . . I let the testosterone take over.”

One of his most public indiscretions was an affair with former exotic dancer Karrine “Superhead” Steffans. “Yes, I’ve slept with her,” he confesses. “Yes, I’ve spent several nights at her house. But she was only good for what her nickname stood for.”

[From Page Six]

“At one point in my life, I used drugs uncontrollably.” Uh, yeah- I think that was last Tuesday. Sorry, I can’t stop laughing at this giant pile of BS. We are actually supposed to believe that Whitney Houston needed to clean up her image, and the best she could do was marry Bobby Brown? Bitch, please. That fool already had a criminal record and a nasty reputation as a misogynist long before Whitney came along. I think all that crack has addled Bobby’s memory. It’s also hilarious that he explains away his cheating in a few sentences, but rips into his wife for her supposed behavior. Whitney has more talent, fans, charisma and character- even in her current state- than Bobby Brown could ever hope to have.

Late comedian and SNL alum Chris Farley’s brother, Tom Farley, has written a book chronicling the star’s last days before his death by drug overdose. The book, with the imaginative title “The Last Days of Chris Farley,” will be hitting bookstores in May, but you can get an early peek in this week’s Playboy magazine, which printed some excerpts from it. Mostly, the book captures the desperation of Chris’ friends, co-stars and family as they tried to stop the actor from killing himself with drugs, alcohol and overeating.

CHRIS Farley’s pals shoved extra helpings of tough love down his throat but still couldn’t save the comic actor from himself, according to “The Last Days of Chris Farley.” The book by Farley’s brother Tom Farley and Tanner Colby quoted several of the actor’s friends, who saw the tragedy coming a mile down the line. Excerpts from “Last Days” will run in May’s Playboy, which hits newsstands Friday. Former “Saturday Night Live” star Chevy Chase recalled how he dressed down Farley while preparing for a reunion show: “Look, you’re not John Belushi. And when you overdose or kill yourself, you will not have the same acclaim that John did . . . You’ll be a blip in the New York Times obituaries page, and that’ll be it. Is that what you want?”

Farley’s sidekick David Spade said he’s still taking heat for failing to save Tommy Boy: “I got a lot of s - - - at the end about ‘Why weren’t you there for him?’ But being that close, I dealt with it all the time. And in that situation, before the guy’s dead, he’s just kind of an a - -hole. Truth is, you get a junkie who’s wasted all the time and moody and angry and trying to knock you around, you say, ‘OK, you go do that, and I’ll be over here.’ ” Farley overdosed in Chicago on Dec. 18, 1997. He was 33.

[From Page Six]

I disagree with Chevy- I think Chris Farley was every bit as talented as John Belushi, and his death was a lot more meaningful than a blip on the obituary page. He was one of those actors who would do absolutely anything for a laugh and didn’t care how foolish he looked. Some of my favorite SNL moments are courtesy of Chris, especially his infamous Chippendale dancer audition skit with Patrick Swayze. And who could forget Matt Foley, the motivational speaker who lived- say it with me- in a “van down by the river”! I know I’m not the only one who still misses Chris and wishes he could have straightened himself out. Well, at least I own “Tommy Boy” in DVD.

Sex and The City star Evan Handler, who plays Charlotte York’s husband Harry, has his second book coming out on May first called “It’s Only Temporary: The Good News and the Bad News of Being Alive”. It’s full of funny essays and doesn’t follow a typical autobiographical format. In his first memoir published in 1998, “Time on Fire: My Comedy of Terrors”, 47 year-old Handler covered his successful fight against deadly acute myeloid leukemia in his mid 20s. He went on to beat the disease and become a television actor, but he didn’t come out feeling positive and full of life, but “sad and depressed by what he went through.” He said he eventually came to a place of gratitude when he met his wife Elisa, and that’s what his book is about.

Here’s the book description from his MySpace:

In a collection of funny, off-beat, and poignant autobiographical essays, Handler moves beyond the supposedly “incurable” illness he triumphed over in his mid-twenties – only to bumble through his thirties and forties in search of ever-elusive love and happiness. From bold attempts to rekindle his acting career, through his hapless efforts to run faster around New York’s Central Park reservoir, from bizarre Internet dates, through his twenty-seven break ups (involving only ten women), Handler careens through his against-all-odds existence. Always searching for meaning in his unlikely survival, Handler shares stories of sadistic junior high school gym teachers, bullying wanna-be Hollywood moguls, returned engagement rings, and Europeans’ fascination with American bathroom habits. Picking up ten years after his first book, Time on Fire, Handler again uses what the New York Times calls his “laceratingly funny and revealing” storytelling skills to weave twenty-one new tales into a defiantly unconventional memoir.

[From Evan Handler’s Myspace]

The National Enquirer has advance details of Handler’s upcoming book, and in it he talks about his cybersex addiction as he desperately searched for love and affection during his recovery:

In his shocking memoir “It’s Only Temporary: The Good News and the Bad News of Being Alive”, the 47-year-old actor reveals that actor surviving leukemia, he couldn’t find a girlfriend and turned to X-rated chat rooms to reveal his sexual frustrations.

“Evan writes that he began battling chronic sinus infections, making his believe that his leukemia was back,” divulged a publishing source familiar with the book, due out May 1.

“Desperate for love, Evan said he yo-yoed in and out of failed relationships with women who didn’t want to play nursemaid to him.

“He writes that he turned to sexually explicit Internet chat rooms because ‘I had myself locked down in a prison of my own making,’ adding that he was ‘lonely and sad.’

“Finally, a psychiatrist prescribed medication for Evan and helped him overcome his sexual obsessions.”

After a brief addiction to Internet dating, Handler eventually married an Italian scientist named Elisa.

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, March 24, 2008]

Handler’s girlfriend got pregnant while they were dating and made the difficult decision to have an abortion. Eight months later they were married, and the Enquirer states that Evan wrote that he experienced intense “regret and guilt” due to that decision. The couple now has a baby girl together, Sofia, who was born in January, 2007.

Handler wrote an article published in the Huffington Post after the Margaret B. Jones fake memoir scandal. He noted that his book was being published by the same division of Penguin, Riverhead Books, that got duped by Jones, but that it wasn’t like they were planning on sending him on a book tour like Jones. He said it does matter if details are invented and passed off as a memoir, and that publishers should do a better job at verifying authors’ claims. They should also do a better job at promoting real stories like Handler’s that are full of actual, complicated details of someone’s ife.

Handler’s book “It’s Only Temporary: The Good News and the Bad News of Being Alive” is available for advance sale through Amazon. [No one has contacted or encouraged us to promote this book.]

Evan Handler is shown on 6/28/04 at the Anchorman premiere in the header image and on 10/16/03 in NY in the image below, thanks to PRPhotos.

Update: Evan contacted us through MySpace and let us know that the National Enquirer piece we quoted predictably distorted his upcoming biography. He thanked us for the coverage and said that “The National Enquirer piece you’ve quoted at length is an extremely distorted - and decidedly smarmy - misrepresentation of the book’s topic and tone.”

I do not remember the last time I’ve laughed this hard. Certainly not at poetry. And certainly not at Charlie Sheen. But it turns out, when you combine Charlie Sheen and poetry, you get a laugh riot of unrivaled proportions. I didn’t think celebrities were allowed to write poetry – save for Jewel. And I’m not saying hers was anything to write home about, but I was at least aware of it. What I was not aware of was that Leonard Nimoy Charlie Sheen, and Suzanne Somers all have published books of poetry. I know, a truly horrifying concept. Whether or not you enjoy or understand poetry, pretty much anyone can delight in a feeling of superiority after reading a few of their lines. Even if you couldn’t do a better job, most of us would at least have the sense not to publish the crap. But most of us also don’t have anywhere near the ego that’s mounted on most celeb’s heads. Hey that rhymed. I just became 75% better at poetry than Charlie Sheen. I’m not sure if this is a moment of pride or profound sadness. Here’s a little bit ‘o Charlie.

…Teacher, teacher, I don’t understand,

You tell me it’s like the back of my hand.

Should I play guitar and join the band?

Or head to the beach and walk in the sand?

[From the Huffington Post]

Oh delicious delight. I never thought I would say this, but Charlie Sheen, Denise Richards clearly left you because she was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too intelligent for you. Seriously, how could you possibly be attracted to someone after they wrote something like this? And the worst part is, Charlie Sheen wrote his book of poetry in 1990. I’m assuming that he hid it from Denise while he was courting her. You know, like you hide your collection of porn or the fact that you once ran over a person. Because that poem is clearly on the same level as a hit-and-run. Who else’s depth should we taunt? Suzanne Somers is a good one. She’s a little more clear (and a little more free verse) in her poem, about a judgmental organic woman. Alright.

Organic girl dropped by last night

For nothing in particular

Except to tell me again how beautiful and serene she feels

On uncooked vegetables and wheat germ fortified by bean sprouts–

Mixed with yeast and egg whites on really big days–

She not only meditates regularly, but looks at me like I should

And lectures me about meat and ice cream

And other aggressive foods I shouldn’t eat.

[From the Huffington Post]

I know. No words. Which is tough since words are my job. The article does give a few examples of good celebrity poems – but they’re all singer/songwriters. Which makes perfect sense, and is a hell of a lot less funny. Now I’m not saying it was easy to look at Charlie Sheen without laughing before this debacle. But seriously, next time you see him waxing on about what a crazed heathen Denise Richards is, start chanting “Teacher, teacher, I don’t understand,” and see how long you can go without judging the crap out of him.

Here Charlie Sheen with fiancée Brooke Mueller and the cast of “Two and a Half Men” at the “An Evening with ‘Two and a Half Men’” event at the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences on February 27th. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Margaret B. Jones and her daughter in Eugene, Oregon
People who tell elaborate lies fascinate me. I can’t lie to save my life and am hard pressed to even fib about small matters. So when someone pulls off a large scale scam in front of the media, like James Frey or Jason Blair, I’m oddly impressed at their audacity and pleased that they were eventually exposed.

Author Margaret B. Jones wrote a “memoir” which was just published by a division of Penguin books. In the critically acclaimed book, “Love and Consequences,” she waxed poetic about her supposed hard knock childhood in South LA. She claims to be a 1/2 Native American orphan who was raised by an African-American foster mother nicknamed “Big Momma,” to have lost one of her foster brothers to gang violence, and to have sold drugs as a teen in order to afford the latest Nikes.

The NY Times profiled Jones in a glowing piece published on Sunday, interviewing the author at her home in Eugene, Oregon. Jones made riveting claims in her interview including the idiotic statement that her all-white daughter, now eight, “was the first white baby I ever saw” and that she thought she looked “sickly” because of her color. She was also careful to mention that her baby’s father “was the first white guy I ever dated.”

33 year-old Jones told the Times that “One of the first things I did once I started making drug money [as a teen] was to buy a burial plot,” and that “The reason I wanted to write the book is that all the time, people would say to me, you’re not what I imagine someone from South L.A. would be like.”

Jones is suprisingly not from South L.A., nor did she have a life anything like she claims in her book. Her sister called her publisher after reading that piece and revealed that her sister’s real name is Margaret Seltzer, and that she grew up with both biological parents in affluent Sherman Oaks and graduated from a private high school. She also never went to graduated from college in Oregon as she claims. Jones’ publishers, Riverhead Books, a division of Penguin, have recalled all of the copies of the book and canceled her book tour, which was about to start.

As for why she would fabricate her memoirs, Jones offered the following lame excuse to the NY Times in a mea culpa piece today, “I thought I had an opportunity to make people understand the conditions that people live in and the reasons people make the choices from the choices they don’t have.”

If you read her interview from over the weekend, it offers plenty of laughable lies she told, including showing a picture of a young man and saying “This is my brother who’s dead, back when he was in juvie.”

You can even picture her rubbing her hands together as she speculates what she would do with the money from a potential film deal, saying “I’d probably buy a building in the ’hood in L.A. and open a community center and some boxing rings.”

It’s a shame that this woman was exposed so soon. It’s clear she would have kept on lying through her teeth and that Oprah would have lauded her rags to literary riches story.

May Pang and John Lennon. Photo via FoxNews
Yoko Ono wasn’t the only woman in John Lennon’s life after the Beatles. Lennon’s lover of nearly two years, May Pang, has just released a book of photos chronicling the time she spent with John while he and Yoko were on the outs. The book, called “Instamatic Karma: Photographs of John Lennon” features intimate photos of John doing everyday things such as taking a trip to Disneyland, playing with his pet cats and his son Julian, and hanging out around New York City. Pang says she began her romance with John, surprisingly enough, at the suggestion of Yoko herself. Hey, it was the 70’s– anything went back then.

May Pang, John Lennon’s former lover during 18 months in 1973 and 1974 has completed a new book which is being endorsed by John Lennon’s first wife, Cynthia Lennon. May’s affair with John was arranged by her employer Yoko Ono when Yoko split from John. During their 18-month relationship also known as the “Lost Weekend,” several of John’s records were produced which can arguably be said to be his most creative time after the Beatles broke up.

Yoko is said to have tried to systematically erase May from Lennon’s history, but May has now published a collection of photos she had during her time with him. May’s new book, “Instamatic Karma” is hitting stores next month. Although this is May’s second book about her relationship, the photos in this new book haven’t yet been published.

[From Dotspotter]

John’s first wife, Cynthia, has given her blessing to the book, saying that May was a positive force in John’s life who urged the singer/songwriter to maintain his relationship with his son Julian. The relationship had been strained after John left Cynthia to marry Yoko.

JOHN LENNON’s first wife CYNTHIA has pledged her full support to the late BEATLE’s ex-girlfriend MAY PANG and the forthcoming release of her book INSTAMATIC KARMA. Pang - who was Lennon’s assistant and lover in 1973, when the star had temporarily separated from his second wife Yoko Ono - is soon set to release a book of previously unseen photos taken of the legendary rocker during their 18-month romance. The collection, titled in reference to Lennon’s song Instant Karma!, features 150 photographs of the Imagine singer, including shots of him in the studio recording his album Walls And Bridges, and images with his Fab Four bandmates Sir Paul MCCartney and Ringo Starr. And Cynthia, who befriended Pang when she reunited her and Lennon’s son Julian with his father in the early 1970s, is glad she is using the photos so creatively. She says, “She is a lovely, vibrant lady. She was a good friend when my son and I needed one, and a dear close friend now. The book of photographic memories is very special and evocative of times remembered… “For all that May has done in the past and hopes to achieve in the future, Julian and I will be her greatest champions… May, I wish you all the success in the world.”

[From Contact Music]

The most interesting part of this book to me is the way in which Lennon could still do everyday things like walk down the street, play in the park, etc. without being mobbed by paparazzi. Here was one of the most famous men in the world, but he was still able to have a somewhat normal life after leaving the Beatles. I doubt that would be the case today. Something tells me if John were alive today he probably would have left the U.S. by now to avoid having his privacy invaded.

You know what young people love? A good coffee table book. Yes you heard me correctly. Though older generations are known for using them simply as decor, it’s nearly impossible to make a young person not flip though a coffee table book. In fact, the real problem is the way they make notes in the margins. Most young people don’t even flip through the books casually anymore, instead preferring to take them home and read them intensely, forgetting about sleep and food and work, becoming so wrapped up as they do in coffee table books. They return the book tattered, dog-eared and highlighted. Given this generational obsession with what was formerly seen as a mere place to rest one’s mug, you can see why the Olsen twins have decided to put all their energy into a coffee table book for young people.

Mary-Kate and Ashley have signed with Penguin Young Readers to write a new book, with the working title Influence, introducing them to the towering figures that have influenced the “Business Women, Designers and Global Style Icons.” Don’t look for Margaret Thatcher or Golda Meir here, though — these are more the folks you’d find on PatrickMcMullan:

Influence introduces readers to respected artists, seasoned designers and others who have influenced Mary-Kate Olsen and Ashley Olsen over the past decade. The book will feature influential figures including; Christian Louboutin, Lauren Hutton, Bob Colacello, Terry Richardson, Jack Pierson and Robert Lee Morris. A coffee table book, Influence includes exclusive photographs of Ashley and Mary-Kate from world renowned photographer Rankin, and a wide variety of other never-before-seen materials and interviews from Mary-Kate and Ashley’s personal collections.

These, according to Ashley, are “the most interesting, challenging, creative people we know — the ones who helped pave the way for us and our generation.” Adds Mary-Kate: “Ashley and I interviewed the people who have inspired us, with the hope that they will inspire and teach others.”

[From the Huffington Post]

While the Olsens do have some higher-end merchandise, most of their “young person” stuff is sold at Walmart. I’m not exactly sure those are the types of teenagers who are going to be interested in hearing about Christian Louboutin and Lauren Hutton. I’m also thinking they might not be the traditional coffee table book buying type. Not that a whole lot of people their age are, mind you. Sure once in a while they may grab a coffee table book from the living room, but it’s just to use as a flat surface to eat their dinner on. Yeah I do it every night, what’s the big deal? Certainly I might feel a tad more sophisticated if I ate my Cup ‘O Noodles on an Olsen Twin couture coffee table book, but I have a feeling that I’m the only one. Though the twins are known for their business savvy, I can’t help but think this might not be their biggest seller.

Here’s Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen at the 2007/8 Chanel Cruise Show Presented By Karl Lagerfeld in Santa Monica on May 18th. Images thanks to Splash.

Katie Price pulled out the fake implants but apparently that’s the only significant change she’s made in her life. Price, aka “Jordan,” still thinks she’s fascinating enough to need three – yes three – autobiographies. The 304 page tome takes off where her last book “Jordan: A Whole New World” left off… which took off where her first autobiography “Being Jordan” left off. Why exactly does Jordan need 944 pages to write about herself? I have no freaking clue. I will not pretend for a moment to have read one page of any of her books. There isn’t enough money in the world to get me to degrade myself like that. So here’s a little synopsis from the publisher.

Katie Price has led a rollercoaster life and the excitement, glamour and emotional twists and turns show no signs of slowing down. Although happily married to Peter Andre, the past few years have been troublesome for Katie. She has overcome a string of fiercely emotional challenges: she has battled post-natal depression, endured a traumatic miscarriage and continually fought fears for the safety and health of her children and husband. It has all undoubtedly taken its toll on her and placed great strains on her relationship. Katie has always been a strong, passionate, sensitive and independent woman but even she has been pushed to her limits. Yet Katie’s spirit has always shone through and he enthusiasm and determination have seen her triumph: her career continues to go from strength to strength and her desire and appetite to succeed know no bounds. She has given birth to a beautiful daughter, Princess Tiaamii, too and despite everything that has been thrown at them, Katie and Peter have emerged more in love than ever before. Jordan: Pushed to the Limit is a truly intimate portrait of a sensational life.

[From Amazon UK]

I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. Seriously? Katie Price has “continually fought fears for the safety and health of her children and husband”? What wife and mother hasn’t? Aren’t you constantly afraid for the safety of your kids from the moment you have them? I already have a plan to have mine GPS chipped right as the doctor cuts the cord. Kind of a two-for-the-price -of-one thing. I’m sure the things mentioned are hard to go through, but they’re anything but uncommon. They certainly don’t require more indulgent commentary by a woman best known for the ridiculous size of her fake boobs and femme-looking husband. Seriously, the woman has put out 6 books – 7 if you count the illustrated version of “Being Jordan.” I won’t even count the “ Katie Price’s Perfect Ponies: My Pony Care Book” since that’s a series – and it’s meant for kids. Would you really let your daughter look at anything put out by Jordan? I’m not one of those people that would ban all Barbies from the house, but there’s no way in hell I’d let my kid think that cheap bimbo was normal. Man I hope Jordan doesn’t read this website, or she’s going to need to write another book about all the therapy I made her go through.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Photos of Jordan showing off her sewn-on nipple are unblurred in the big versions and NSFW. The large ones are from WENN, smaller ones from PRPhotos. I’ve also seen her crotch and have the misfortune of knowing that there’s a faded blue heart tattooed right over it. Do they routinely sew on nipples during breast jobs? I thought they went in underneath usually. This bothers me.