Several months ago, Life & Style set off a huge backlash when they ran a very negative cover story about how Angelina Jolie was “turning” Shiloh into a boy. The basic gist was that Shiloh is a little tomboy with a cute bowl cut and lots of hand-me-down clothes and toys from her brothers, thus, Angelina is making her daughter a lesbian. It was bullsh-t, and many commenters and many other sites called Life & Style out on their bullsh-t. Now it seems like In Touch Weekly is taking the “no judgment” approach when reporting about Shiloh’s desire for a military-themed fourth birthday party:

Their daughter Shiloh will turn 4 on May 27, and Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are already making plans for her special day.

“Maddox had a soldier-themed party when he turned 4, so Shiloh wants the same,” says a longtime family friend, adding that the lucky girl can expect new boots, toy guns and a new bed that looks like a spaceship.

“She wants boys’ toys, since she’s such a little tomboy. Brad also bought Shiloh a jeep that is safe for kids, and he’s thinking of getting her a toy ATV that she can drive around the property.”

[From In Touch Weekly]

I always wanted boys’ toys when I was little too, just because they were cooler and made better. Toy manufacturers expect boys to try to destroy their toys, so they’re extra durable. Boys’ toys just make more sense. Shiloh is thrifty! No, really, she’s just a little tomboy who thinks her older brothers are, like, the coolest people in the world. And who doesn’t want a spaceship bed?

Shiloh in Venice on March 16, 2010 & April 16 & 17, 2010. Credit: INFphoto.com, Pacific Coast News and AAR/Fame Pictures.

Ugh, I was really hoping to ignore this story, but whatever. The National Enquirer’s cover story this week is about whether Brad and Angelina’s twins have Down Syndrome. We haven’t been able to read the full cover story yet, so the Enquirer’s reporting is drawn from other sources. Apparently, the Enquirer reports that Knox and Vivienne are “battling secret health issues and MAY even have Down Syndrome.” The Enquirer prints the speculation without any kind of confirmation. Babble does have this however:

The newest issue of National Enquirer shouts: “Twins Health Shocker! Tragic Down Syndrome Reports Surrounding Vivienne & Knox.”

That’s a really heavy claim. Is there any truth?

Let’s take a look inside at the facts.

Well, there are none. Several commenters on the Internet believe that the children look like they have DS.

“They hate that their kids are under such intense observation. It’s very difficult for them to deal with. As far as their concerned, Knox and Vivienne are perfect. Brad and Angie aren’t the type to sweep sensitive issues under the carpet,” a friend of the couple says.

“The twins are healthy, but if there were medical problems with them, I think Brad and Angie would subtly try to destigmatize the issue by not hiding them.”

I agree. Angelina and Brad are both outspoken about issues that concern them, so it’s likely that if the twins or any of their children were suffering a disease they wouldn’t hide it.

[From Babble Blogs]

Yes, I think they would have said something too, if there were health problems or if the twins had Down Syndrome. Much like the Shiloh-is-a-lesbian-because-of-her-hair speculation, I just wish the tabloids and the frothing-at-the-mouth Brangelina-haters would take a moment and just realize that this kind of wild, asinine speculation about children blows. It’s nasty, it’s horrible, and it should end.

And not to put too fine a point on this, I think what some people see as “Down Syndrome” is really just the twins’ genetic predispositions for Brad’s open-mouthed, dumb expressions.

Enquirer cover courtesy of Johnny Nikon.

When I first read an excerpt of this story over at Jezebel, I emailed it to CB it was so deliciously funny. The chance of it being true? Zero to “meh”. But still, funny. So… remember Jennifer Aniston’s big spread in Architectural Digest a few months ago? CB asked if Jennifer’s seemingly 1970s-Ron-Burgandy-inspired home was “depressing or fabulous”. While the dark, heavy furniture wasn’t my style or CB’s, some of you liked it and that’s fine. Different strokes. But some of us asked a different set of questions about Aniston’s appearance in the magazine – why? Her house wasn’t some huge architectural coup, she never really seemed that interested in architecture in general, and Architectural Digest is the premier magazine for architecture fanboys and fangirls. Why not Home & Garden? Why not Elle Décor?

Well, Us Weekly has an answer, sort of. According to a “source” close to Brad Pitt (the “source” rhymes with “ferbil”), Brad thinks Jennifer did AD because she was “trying to get his attention” because she knows that he reads AD. To make matters even worse, Brad thinks the whole “ploy” was “pathetic” and “desperate”. Ouch.

Brad Pitt couldn’t help but notice a recent press clipping featuring his ex-wife Jennifer Aniston in Architectural Digest — and he was none too pleased, a Pitt pal says in the new Us Weekly.

A source claims that Brad Pitt thinks Jennifer Aniston is “pathetic” for having her home in Architectural Digest, and says: “She was never that into architecture when they were married. It was his hobby, and she used to make fun of him for it.”

“Brad thinks she is pathetic,” the source tells Us of a recent Aniston interview, adding that the 46-year-old actor was “disgusted” with his former spouse (the pair divorced in 2005).

“Brad thinks that Jennifer was trying to get his attention because she knows he reads the magazine. Brad feels this is all so desperate,” adds the insider. “It was a ploy to get his attention.”

[From Us Weekly & Jezebel’s Tabloid Round-Up]

It’s an interesting story just because usually the mysterious “sources” never put those words in Brad’s mouth, they put them in Angelina’s mouth. So does that mean there could be a morsel of truth to this story? Eh, I doubt it. If Brad is still reading AD (probably), he probably looked through Jennifer’s spread and thought, “Ew, needs more industrial fixtures, cement and steel.” And that was it. None of this “Oh my God, how pathetic.” Because at the end of the day, Brad doesn’t own the subject of architecture. Yes, it’s his passion, his love, one of his more enduring hobbies, but can’t Aniston just celebrate her Ron Burgundy styles without it being an uncool triangle situation?

AD covers & additional pics courtesy of AD online.

I think OK! Magazine is obligated to do at least two “Brad and Angelina’s Wedding!” stories a year. They are all pretty much the same, to the point where the whole thing just seems cut-and-pasted, swapping out the name of whatever city they’re in. A Venice wedding sounds nice, though. Much better than a Prague wedding or a Malibu wedding. Mm… Venice. Anyway, look at the cover! I recognize the photo (because I recognize Angelina’s hairstyle) – it’s from Cannes of last year, when Angelina wore a pale, dusty rose-colored Versace. Only her dress isn’t rose on OK’s cover! That’s right, they ‘Shopped her dress to make it white, and thus, “more wedding-y”. Like it proves their point. Like they couldn’t just do a Google search and find much better “wedding” images, like this one from Mr. and Mrs. Smith:

Oh my God, they’re getting married! See?

Anyway, OK released an excerpt from their cover story, and it’s all about how the kids now want them to get married:

At long last, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have decided to tie the knot. The reason? Because it would mean the world to their kids!

The children, a source says, have been wanting a wedding since they’ve been old enough to understand that their parents are not officially husband and wife. “First it was Maddox, who has begged his parents to tie the knot for years,” the insider says. “Lately, Shiloh and Zahara have been chiming in, and Pax thinks it would just be the coolest thing ever to be a ring bearer.”

[From OK Magazine]

Oh, if the Empress Zahara demands it, it must be happening! The Empress does not approve of living in sin. The Empress demands to be a bridesmaid. That’s the only thing that makes me slightly believe this week’s wedding story. I think if Zahara demanded it, Brad and Angelina would obey. They have no choice. Z’s in charge!

OK Magazine cover courtesy of CoverAwards.

Grandma and Grandpa Pitt are pulling a lot of babysitting shifts since coming to Venice. Which is probably really nice for them – they seem to enjoy being around all of the kids, maybe Grandma more than Grandpa? Grandpa has been looking like the food in Venice isn’t agreeing with him. Perhaps he’s lactose intolerant? Because the Jolie-Pitt kids are in love with Italian ice cream, or gelato, or whatever they’re getting. Two days in a row, the Jolie-Pitt kids got to go for ice cream with their grandparents, so of course we have more awesome and hilarious photos.

This is one of my favorites – Pax always seems like the quiet one, but you get to see him and Shiloh spending some time together. She seems to adore him as much as Maddox.

Speaking of Shiloh and Maddox, here are the two of them bonding:

Pax: “F-CK! Brain freeze.”

Zahara is all “My world domination will include ice cream. Take note.”

I love how Shiloh seems so self-possessed. And she’s really, really, really starting to look like her dad. In some lighting, she’s just a mini-Brad.

Venice, April 16 & 17, 2010. Credit: INFphoto.com

Oh my God! Grandma and Grandpa Pitt took the four oldest Jolie-Pitt children out for some sight-seeing in Venice, and these photos are epic. I think the kids were playing some sort of jumping contest? There are lots of photos of the kids in mid-air, which is funny. People Magazine tries to play it cool, saying that Jane and Bill Pitt were “strolling around Venice, Italy, again – this time with their older grandkids: Maddox, 8½, Pax, 6, Zahara, 5, and Shiloh, 3½, who led the way in an adorable sailor outfit. Equally fashionable? Sister Zahara, who held onto a Hello Kitty clutch.” Hello Kitty? The Empress approves of Hello Kitty?!? Must. Bow. Down.

In two years that’s going to be Chanel. Mark my words.

Additionally, little Shiloh/John was rocking her best tomboy gear, in what seems to be a nautically-themed ensemble. My guess is that Grandma picked it out. And I know the tabloids love to fret over her tomboy clothes and her little bowl cut, but damn, she looks so cute! That haircut is adorable. Plus, it looks like she’s doing The Robot in this photo:

And here she is mid-air:

I love the way the boys are dressed too. Maddox and Pax both have a strong sense of style. Even though Maddox is clearly “the star” of this photo, my eyes are drawn to Pax. He’s like the Vietnamese Nico.

So cute!

The Pitts and the kids, April 16, 2010 in Venice. Credit: Pacific Coast News.

At first, this story seemed like a joke, but by the end, I just felt sad. The Enquirer claims that Angelina confessed to Brad that she was no longer attracted to him because of, you know, the drinking and reefer addiction and that f-cking beard. Which I could conceivably buy, in general. They’ve been together for awhile, the heat and passion has probably dwindled, and he’s got that f-cking beard. But the part that’s a little crazy is where, allegedly, Angelina is asking Brad to get a facelift and Brad’s actually considering it! Here’s more:

Convinced that her formerly hunky lover now looks like a scraggly bum, Angelina Jolie has told partner Brad Pitt he needs to undergo major plastic surgery if he wants their romance to last, an insider told the Enquirer.

“She told him he looked like a total wreck, and that he needed to do something radical before she could find him attractive again,” an insider told the Enquirer.

“The sad truth is, Brad looks like a pale shadow of his former self. His skin is in terrible condition, and he’s grown this ridiculous beard to try to cover up how bad he looks underneath.”

Brad’s appearance has gone downhill under the strain of juggling his and Angie’s six kids, his hectic career and his sometimes crazy relationship with the gorgeous but fiery Angelina. And the stress has led Brad to turn to drinking and partying – which have made him look haggard and older than his 46 years.

Not wanting to hurt his feelings, Angelina avoided talking to Brad about his looks, but she finally broke down and told him that she sees him more like a brother than a lover these days.

“She told him he just isn’t the same handsome man she fell in love with, and that he needed to do something extreme,” the insider continued.

Although Brad was offended at first, he’s now considering going under the knife, says the insider.

“He agreed to have a facelift if that is what it will take to revive their relationship,” added the insider. “He still loves Angie and can’t stand the idea of her not being into him physically anymore.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition]

If Angelina told Brad to jump off a cliff, would he do it? Perhaps. But would she tell him to get a facelift? Doubtful. And would he consider it? Doubtful. I actually don’t think Brad is in need of a facelift. What he needs is: a professional shave (you know, one of those nice ones that men get done at the barbershop), a great haircut and dye job (perhaps going to an old-school Robert Redford sandy/dirty blonde), several days worth of sleep, lots of water, a few days of sun, some moisturizer, and a hot meal. I guarantee that would do wonders for his appearance.

God knows, we don’t want him to end up like this:

Kenny Rogers is the cautionary tale. Here’s a few more photos of Brad and that f-cking beard over the past few months:

Brad in Italy on April 3, 2010, in London on March 22, 2010, and in New York on Sept. 25, 2009. Credit: WENN.

Angelina Jolie is the cover girl for Entertainment Weekly’s Summer Preview issue. I don’t really get what she’s wearing – is this a sheet? A blouse? A dress? Some sort of special tattoo-revealing shroud? My favorite tattoo of Angelina’s in the lines of prayer on her shoulder. I don’t care for the “Know Your Rights” at the base of her neck, and I think the tiger on her lower back is too big. She’s on the cover because she’s got Salt coming out in July, so they seem to be ramping up interest a little early, but whatever. EW scored an interview with Angelina, and HuffPo has the excerpt:

Angelina shows off her back tattoos on the cover of Entertainment Weekly and inside talks about her family and her role as a CIA agent in this summer’s ‘Salt.’

“I had just had two babies, and the push to be physically strong was very welcomed at the time,” she said. “The funny thing about having children is that now I am twice as motivated to do a cool stunt because my kids will like it.”

Angelina also said she would like to do another movie with Brad Pitt at some point.

“I love working with him,” she said. “He’s my favorite actor to work with, and the only complicated thing is to find the right project.”

[From Huffington Post]

I kind of hope they don’t act together again, honestly. I realize that many don’t care for Mr. and Mrs. Smith, but I thought they were both good in it, and the lore for that film’s production is still being discussed and analyzed, six years later. Now, I think it would be cool if Brad produced a film starring Angelina, like he did with A Mighty Heart.

Let’s see… here’s another interview excerpt, Angelina on changing the gender of the lead character in the film, from Edwin to Evelyn Salt: “We tried to change the name to Edwina. but it didn’t quite have the same ring to it. I was simply looking for the best action script that was going around. Hopefully we’ve succeeded in making her more emotionally complex and physically meaner. We expect different things from men and from women, both emotionally and physically. For example, a man can have a character arc in which he discovers his heart at the end – that would never be a surprise for a woman.”

Now, some sources are attributing this quote to director Noyce, some to Angelina: “In the original script, there was a huge sequence where Edwin Salt saves his wife, who’s in danger. And what we found was when Evelyn Salt saved her husband in the new script, it seemed to castrate his character a little. So we had to change the nature of that relationship.”

Dude, were they just talking about castration? Hahaha… this should be a good thread!

It’s time for another exciting round of “Where in the world are the Jolie-Pitts?” As it turns out, they split up over the weekend. According to Radar (photo here), Brad, Angelina and the four older kids went to France for the weekend while they left twins Knox and Viv in the care of Brad’s parents, Bill and Jane. Bill even took Knox out on the balcony of the Venice home the Jolie-Pitts are renting (photos above). Knox must really enjoy that balcony, because he manages to get everyone out there. Last Friday Knox got his mom and his stuffed rabbit out on the balcony, and Knox gave everyone a show by dramatically tossing the bunny off the balcony, in a series of hilarious photos. Here’s more from Us Weekly:

Apparently there’s room for a few more guests at the $6.8 million Jolie-Pitt palazzo in Venice. Introducing…Grandpa Pitt!

William and Jane Pitt touched down in Venice, Italy last week to visit with their son Brad, his love Angelina Jolie and their six kids.

Over the weekend, however, Pitt’s parents were apparently on babysitting duty: as attested by photos at Radaronline, Jolie and Pitt took Shiloh, 3, Maddox, 8, Zahara, 4, and Pax, 6, for a quick trip to the south of France while twins Vivienne and Knox, 20 months, stayed behind.

On Sunday, William and Knox headed out onto one of the clan’s favorite spots in the palace: the scenic balcony overlooking Venice’s Grand Canal.

Knox wore a black hoodie and clutched a blankie as he showed his grandfather the sites.

In February, Jolie’s father, actor Jon Voight, also visited with the family in the ancient Italian city. Voight, 71 and Jolie, 34, had recently reconciled after a 7-year rift.

“It’s nice to have something that’s positive!” Voight, 71, told UsMagazine.com of getting back together with his once-estranged daughter. He says their boat ride down the ancient city’s Grand Canal was “lovely…the weather wasn’t so bad for the journey. It’s a very beautiful trip. A lot of fun.”

[From Us Weekly]

I think it’s funny that Brad and Angelina left the twins in the care of Brad’s parents for a whole weekend. They were probably like, “You wanted grandkids, here you go, they need a diaper change, buh-bye.” Maybe Angelina doesn’t want to spend time with Brad’s parents? I’m sure that’s a common theory, that Angelina and the Pitts have never gotten along, but I don’t buy it. I think they probably get along okay – not really, really well, but they make nice. I’m sure I know what In Touch Weekly’s spin on this is going to be – “Jane Pitt flies to Venice to convince her son to go back to her favorite daughter-in-law ever, JEN!” Wait for it.

Here are some older photos on the Jolie-Pitt gang:

Bill and Knox on the balcony in Venice on April 11, 2010. Credit: Pacific Coast News.

I’m enjoying these new photos of Angelina Jolie back in Venice and back at work on The Tourist today. She and Brad ended up spending two full days in Bosnia, where they visited with refugees, rape victims and UN officials. I kind of hoped principal photography was done on The Tourist, actually, but it looks like Angelina still has to put on some gloves and that same fabulous grey dress and try to steer the boat with her all-powerful vadge. Speaking of Angelina’s work schedule, Star Magazine is reporting this week that Brad is unhappy playing Mr. Mom to the kids while Angelina tries to seduce Johnny Depp with her vadge of doom. Here are the highlights from Star:

When Brad went to the London premiere of Kick-Ass, a family insider tells Star that “Angelina was furious that he ignored her calls and texts. He told her to relax, and that really sent her over the edge. She started screaming at him and making fun of him for getting wasted yet again. She even called him a bum because of his scruffy beard.”

“Brad responded by tellings her that if she paid more attention to him, he wouldn’t have to party so hard or flirt with other women. He’s sick of playing second fiddle to her jobs and her needs. He let her know he’s totally bored, and he needs a change – or else!”

[From Star Magazine, print edition]

I would pay to see Angelina screaming at Brad about his beard. I mean, do you really think she gets that worked up over his beard? To the point of screaming? What do you scream? “SHAVE THAT F-CKER OFF!” Why do people assume Angelina hates the beard anyway? Lots of women like facial hair – including me. I just like it when a guy it’s trimmed, but not too fussy. I dated a dude with a really fussy little goatee once, and his grooming habits annoyed the hell out of me. Oh, he also used Rogaine shampoo, which I didn’t know existed before then. I know, I know, what can I say? I was young and naïve, and he was good in bed.

INF just put up these photos of Brad and Angelina having lunch with a Bosnian family while they were in Bosnia on April 3. INF has these photos labeled as “Anglena Joli”. Which I pronounce as “Angle-NA Jolly”. The kid is adorable. I bet Angelina tried to smuggle him out.

Angelina and Brad in Bosnia on April 3, 2010, and Angelina in Venice on April 9, 2010. Credit for all: INFphoto.com.