It looks like the hope that Britney Spears’ poor example wouldn’t rub off on her little sister is dead. Jamie Lynn Spears, 16, star of Nickelodeon’s “Zoey 101” is pregnant, according to the kid’s network. It’s been commented that older sister Britney was too young for so much responsibility when she got pregnant with husband Kevin Federline at 23. Considering how Britney handled it at that ripe old age, one can only wonder (and worry) about Jaime Lynn.

“It was a shock for both of us, so unexpected,” she says. “I was in complete and total shock and so was he.” Spears is 12 weeks along and initially kept the news to herself when she learned of the pregnancy from an at-home test and subsequent doctor visit, she told the celebrity magazine, which hits stands in New York on Wednesday and the rest of the country by Friday.

“As soon as I found out for sure from the doctor, I took two weeks to myself where I didn’t tell anybody,” she says. “Only one of my friends knew because I needed to work out what I would do for myself before I let anyone’s opinion affect my decision. Then I told my parents and my friends. I was scared, but I had to do what was right for me.”

Spears broke the news to her mother, Lynne, just before Thanksgiving, the magazine says. “She was very upset because it wasn’t what she expected at all,” Spears says. “A week after, she had time to cope with it and became very supportive.”

[From the Associated Press]

Jamie Lynn told OK! that the father is her longtime boyfriend Casey Aldridge, even though she recently told the Associated Press that didn’t have a serious boyfriend, noting “I kind of just keep my options open. I have a bunch of friends that I always hang out with, a bunch of guy friends.”

I can’t say why, but somehow I have more faith in Jamie Lynn’s ability to raise a baby at 16 than I have in Britney’s ability to do it at 26. I don’ think either of them are rocket scientists, but Jamie Lynn somehow still seems to have it together more than Britney. I realize that’s kind of an ironic statement to make right now, but it’s still somehow seems true. Jamie Lynn seems very close with her mother and the rest of her family. Hopefully they’ll all be able to pull it together and make it work.

I’m not sure if this is awful or oddly sensible. According to columnist Bill Zwecker of the Chicago Sun-Times, the recent BFF reunion between Paris Hilton and Britney Spears wasn’t all about reliving their crotch-flashing days of yesteryear. Apparently Paris actually got down to business and told Britney what’s what. Yeah I know you’re sitting there thinking either that’s bull and/or who the hell is Paris Hilton to give anyone advice? Both fair. But I will point out that Britney seems completely incapable of taking advice from anyone respectable, be they judges, childcare professionals, her parents, mental health experts… it’s a really long list, you get the point. Maybe Britney needs someone who’s on her level… or down at her level… to get through to her. Really, how much worse could Paris possible make things at this point?

A little birdie who was in the same room as Paris Hilton and Britney Spears filled me in on an intriguing chat the hotel princess and pop star had in Los Angeles Saturday, before those paparazzi flashbulbs created an explosion of light at Spears’ 26th birthday celebration. It may seem funny, famed party girl Hilton giving advice to the obviously troubled entertainer, but that’s exactly what happened.

As Spears sipped a couple of apple martinis (while Hilton downed apple juice), the former ‘’star” of her own sex video reportedly handed out some sage suggestions, indicating she may have learned from her mistakes. Among the points Hilton made: Spears needs to cut back on her social life (something the singer supposedly dismissed out of hand); she should revamp her entire management team, and, according to Hilton, ”only hire the very top agents, publicists, managers and assistants money can buy.”

[From the Chicago Sun-Times]

Paris also told Britney that she can’t listen to her friends, at least in terms of her career. Even though they were in the same room, Paris told Brit “You have to listen to people who truly are experts in entertainment. You can’t be listening to friends, no matter how good or loyal they are, to tell you how to run your career.” I’m guessing that the “little birdie” who passed on the conversation didn’t do so verbatim. I tried reading those two sentences to myself in Paris’s flat affect, and it still sounded far too eloquent. But if Paris said anything along those lines, good for her. And you know that when Paris Hilton is looking smart and mature compared to you, your life is really in the gutter. Aside from a near-death experience, I can’t imagine what else could possibly jar Britney out of her grand delusion.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s Paris and Britney at a party hosted by Sharon Stone at the Scandinavian Style Mansion on Britney’s birthday. Incidentally, Brit was also accused of stealing four white coats from designer Katja Berglund at the party. Not sure how that plays into Paris’ plan. Header image thank to Splash Photos. Bottom photo thanks to PR Photos.

Time Magazine has a new interview with prolific horror author Stephen King, in which he bemoans how celebrity-obsessed the media is at the expense of actual news. He says that Time should declare Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan the people of the year so that we’ll have a discussion about why we’re elevating these do-nothing trainwrecks by paying so much attention to them. This is similar to Liz Smith’s suggestion that Internet Celebrity Gossip should be person of the year, since we never get a break from it anymore.

STEPHEN KING: So who’s going to be TIME Person of the Year?
TIME: I really don’t know, there’s a very small group of people who make that decision.

I was thinking, I think it should be Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan.
Really?
Yeah. You know, I just filmed a segment for Nightline, about [the movie version of his novella] The Mist, and one of the things I said to them was, you know, “You guys are just covering — what do they call it — the scream of the peacock, and you’re missing the whole fox hunt.” Like waterboarding [or] where all the money went that we poured into Iraq. It just seems to disappear. And yet you get this coverage of who’s gonna get custody of Britney’s kids? Whether or not Lindsay drank at her twenty-first birthday party, and all this other shit…

Do you actually think Britney and Lindsay should be on our cover?
Yeah, I do.

Sort of a, ‘This is what the media’s actually interested it, so let’s just put it out there’ thing?
I think there ought to be some serious discussion by smart people, really smart people, about whether or not proliferation of things like The Smoking Gun and TMZ and YouTube and the whole celebrity culture is healthy. We’ve switched from a culture that was interested in manufacturing, economics, politics — trying to play a serious part in the world — to a culture that’s really entertainment-based. I mean, I know people who can tell you who won the last four seasons on American Idol and they don’t know who their f—— Representatives are….

But you’ve been well in the public eye for decades now. Is it pretty blatant how much worse it’s gotten?
It’s worse every year. And the guy says to me — the Nightline guy — I didn’t get the guy’s name. Granted, I haven’t been feeling real well and it was a long day of interviews. But he said to me, “If we didn’t cover cultural things, we wouldn’t be covering you and The Mist, and promoting the movie.” And I’m like, “Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan aren’t cultural.” They aren’t political. They’re economic only in the mildest sense of the word. In fact, if I had to pick somebody, some celebrity who has had some impact this year, some sort of echo in the larger American life, I would say Hannah Montana. That whole issue of online ticket sales and scalping fascinates me. There are [legitimate] issues there about the Internet, so that actually does seem to have some cultural significance. But Britney? Britney Spears is just trailer trash. That’s all. I mean, I don’t mean to be pejorative. But you observe her behavior for the past five years and you say, “Here’s a lady who can’t take care of her kids, she can’t take care of herself, she has no retirement fund, everything that she gets runs right through her hands.” And yet, you know and I know that if you go to those sites that tell you what the most blogged-about things on the Internet are, it’s Britney, it’s Lindsay. So I think it would be terrific [to have them as TIME Persons of the Year]. There would be such a scream from the American reading public, sure. But at the same time, it’s time for somebody to discuss the difference between real news and fake news.

[From Time.com via Fark]

That’s great how he just lays it out there and says she’s trash, and that it’s ridiculous that we pay so much attention to her when she contributes so little to society. We’re a gossip blog and Lindsay and Britney have received so much undeserved press that we’ve decided to stop covering them for stretches at a time. I know in King’s estimation we’re part of the problem, and that’s true, but hopefully our gossip is just part of your balanced news diet. When they’re aren’t a lot of other options of what to pay attention to, that’s just sad. Kind of like Britney’s life, which consists mainly of the pursuit of mindless entertainment like shopping, eating, and staying at hotels.

Stephen King is promoting his new horror film, The Mist, which was out in the US on November 21 and stars Thomas Jane, and Marcia Gay Harden. It is getting mixed but mostly positive reviews.

Stephen King is shown with Marcia Gay Harden at the NY after party for the premiere of The Mist on 11/12/07, thanks to PRPhotos.

News of the World may not be known for their highly accurate, ethical reporting, but they sure are good for a laugh. The world’s smuttiest tabloid is reporting that Britney Spears is in the “final stages” of adoption plans for Chinese twins. Because I’m sure any adoption agency would be glad to have her on their roster. Apparently Britney must fill the massive void in her heart left by sons Jayden James and Sean Preston, who are spending most of their time with father Kevin Federline – on court order. Instead of trying to clean up her act, News of the World wants us to believe that Brit’s just decided to start fresh with a new set of kids. I will give them a little credit, in that if anyone would think that the most sensible way to improve her situation would be to get some new kids, it’d be Britney Spears.

Troubled pop singer Britney Spears, who recently lost permanent custody of her two sons, Jayden James & Sean Preston to ex-husband Kevin Federline, is planning to adopt Chinese twins.

According to reports from Britain’s News Of The World newspaper, Britney, 25, has confided to pals that she’s in the final stages of talks with an adoption agency and plans to go ahead with the adoption very soon.

Friends of the singer reckon that Britney has elected to adopt the two six-year-old children from China in a frantic bid to fill the void left by losing her sons to K-Fed.

[From Showbiz Spy]

Apparently whoever works in the research department at News of the World (I have a theory that it’s actually a penguin with a red pen) didn’t bother to look into China’s super-stringent requirements for foreign adoptions. They might have made their story a tad more believable if they’d picked pretty much any other country to lie about. Last year, the China Center for Adoption Affairs changed the qualifications for foreigners to adopt and made them super-rigid (and slightly offensive to some – you now can’t adopt if you’re fat). Britney wouldn’t be allowed to adopt a child from China for about 82 reasons. First off, no singles. Before, about 8% of the children were adopted to single moms. You also have to be at least thirty years old (Brit is 26 in a few days). If you have ever been investigated by Child Welfare Services, you’re pretty much out of luck. If you’ve been diagnosed with major depression or any other mental illness or are on medication for them, you’re out. And if you’ve been diagnosed with alcoholism in the last ten years, you can’t adopt a Chinese child. They also mention that you can’t adopt if you’ve had any surgeries in the last year then you’re excluded – no word on if Brit’s Lipo-Dissolve treatments count as surgery. Something tells me Britney Spears isn’t willing to jump through all those hurdles, considering she won’t put any effort into the children she already has.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Britney is shown out on Thanksgiving, where she went shopping at Virgin Records and then spent the night at the Four Seasons. Thanks to Splash News.

The new issue of US Weekly has a cover story all about Britney Spears’ tragic family history and invented personal history, including her paternal grandmother’s suicide at the age of 31. Britney’s grandmother died well before she was born, committing suicide in 1966 at the grave of a newborn son who had died eight years prior. She left behind Britney’s dad, who was just in eighth grade, and three other children, two of which went on to become homeless as adults. It’s not clear from the article whether Britney’s uncles are still homeless or if they were temporarily destitute and are back on their feet now.

The article maintains that Britney also wasn’t a virgin when she said she was at 17, famously claiming that she would “stay virgin until married.” At that point she had already been sexually active for at least three years, having bedded her first boyfriend when she was 14:

But lawyer Eric Ervin, who worked with Spears as a teenager, tells Us Weekly in its new cover story that the “virgin” image Spears portrayed was, in his words, a “PR blitz.” In fact, Us reports in its new issue that Spears lost her virginity at 14 to boyfriend Reg Jones, and that she and Justin Timberlake were intimate from the beginning.

Something Spears also kept secret: Her family’s tragic history.

Us has learned that Spears’ paternal grandmother, Emma Jean Spears, in June 1966 committed suicide at age 31. Britney’s grandmother, who suffered from depression, shot herself in the chest with a shotgun at the grave of her infant son who had died eight years earlier just three days after being born.

A local newspaper article obtained by Us reported at the time: “The shotgun had been pressed against the woman’s chest and she apparently pulled the trigger with a toe of the right foot from which a shoe had been removed.” The newspaper reported that Emma Jean had attempted suicide three times before.

Emma Jean Spears left behind four other children, including Britney’s father, Jamie Spears, then an eighth grader. Two of Jamie Spears’ brothers ended up with criminal records and homeless.

[From USMagazine.com]

Britney was with her first boyfriend Reg Jones for three years, and they broke up after they could no longer maintain a long distance relationship once she started touring. This isn’t the first time we’ve heard that her “virgin” claim was untrue. She had an interview with Diane Sawyer in 2003 in which she admitted to sleeping with Justin Timberlake when a clip was played of him saying that they had had sex during their relationship. She said she thought “he was the one for life.” Britney is rumored to have cheated on Justin, and it is thought that his “Cry Me a River” song is about her infidelity during their relationship.

Both this week’s National Enquirer and Star Magazine say Britney got lipo on her thighs and stomach through a new procedure called “Smartlipo,” which uses a laser and local anesthesia to create fast results that don’t require stitches or leave scars. It is said to have cost her $12,000, and she had it done in Nevada, driving there from LA on November 10th. Supposedly Britney wants to be “back on top” and is also planning a boob job. The National Enquirer quotes a source that says “Britney doesn’t talk much about winning the kids back, but she talks constantly about getting her figure back.”

Britney is either secretly trying to get her kids back or maybe she’s just bent on revenge against K-Fed. She is said to have hired a private investigator to try to dig up dirt on him to use in their ongoing custody battle.

And in case you wondered if Britney learned a lesson from running over three peoples’ feet and being barred from driving with her kids after she was busted running a red light - she didn’t. She was taped making a sharp right turn and cutting off drivers. She would rather get lipo than hire a personal trainer, so it’s not like she’s going to admit that she needs a driver unless the court orders her to get one.

Here’s a link to pictures of Britney with the guy who supposedly took her once-precious virginity, Reg Jones.

Britney is shown out driving yesterday after leaving the Four Seasons in LA. She is also shown on 11/17 outside a Petco, where she bought two goldfish and a bird. Thanks to WENN for these pictures.

I know we have a three-times-a-week limit on the Britney stories, but rules don’t apply on Saturdays. That also goes for dieting, exercising, and pretty much all the other rules out there, aside from the legal ones. Speaking of breaking legal rules, Britney Spears has had quite a week. I’ll save you the complete recap, but suffice it to say that Brit has managed to run over two people’s feet in only two weeks. That’s got to be some kind of record, right? Especially for a theoretically sober person. Along with running over feet, Brit’s also been busy running through red lights. And getting taped while doing it. The woman is such a moron, she was surrounded by paparazzi. Did she think they wouldn’t eagerly publish the footage? Or that Kevin Federline wouldn’t eagerly run to his lawyer to tattle? Well he did, and the 1,834,283 emergency hearing was requested by Federline’s lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan.

An official has barred Britney Spears from driving with her sons out of fear for their safety. The trouble-plagued pop tart was reportedly slapped with the order after she was spotted by paparazzi running a red light with the children Thursday. Los Angeles Superior Court Commissioner Scott Gordon called a hearing on the matter today at the request of lawyers for Spears’ ex-hubby, Kevin Federline, who lodged a complaint about her wild ride with sons Sean Preston, 2, and Jayden James, 1. A shutterbug working for the X17 photo agency who snapped Spears running the light reportedly testified about what he saw. The tape of Britney running the red light was not viewed today, but it was a major point of the hearing, a source told People magazine.

Britney’s lawyer’s brought in an expert who argued that, for whatever reason, Britney could have made the turn through the red light. The court sealed the order and the parties would not discuss what happened at the 90-minute court hearing. Spears lawyer afterward said the hearing went great, according to People. “I can’t tell you what was discussed, I can’t tell you what was in the papers, I can’t even tell you what was in the order,” Federline’s lawyer Mark Vincent Kaplan said. However, TMZ.com reported that Gordon barred the singer from getting behind the wheel with the two children indefinitely.

[From the New York Post]

From watching the video, I can understand how it’d be hard to drive through that. And I understand that you could get easily distracted. Nonetheless, Brit’s got two kids with her. She should have learned how to drive safely with them by now. If she can’t, she can certainly afford to hire a professional driver.

In terms of running over feet, I gotta say that if there are 50 people within inches of your car at all times, you’re bound to run over a foot or two. I feel sorry for the cop who’s foot was run over when he was trying to help Britney navigate her way out of the paparazzi mess. But the other pap who got his foot run over… I think that’s just an occupational hazard anytime you’re within inches of a moving vehicle and flashing bright lights into it. Truly, I give Britney Spears credit for nothing, but how the hell anyone could drive through that is beyond me. I was going to say that if the woman has any sense, she’ll hire a driver. But she doesn’t have any sense, which means a judge had to come in and have some for her. While a teeny, tiny part of me feels badly for her, most of me just wants to see her kids get taken away forever. There is no way in hell that she won’t accidentally leave them in the bathtub or something. She’s way too irresponsible and illogical.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s the red light video. Header image of Britney Spears yesterday at a local gas station in her white Mercedes with her boyfriend Sam. She then tries to hide underneath a sweatshirt exposing her sweaty armpits and also lack of bra. Images thanks to Splash Photos.

This week’s Life & Style has a whole exclusive interview with Lynne Spears in which she seems to take several well-deserved underhanded verbal shots at Britney. Although Britney’s mom Lynne says she “blames herself” for Britney’s behavior, what she’s really doing is publicly acknowledging that her daughter is fucked up. By admitting her daughter has problems, she also seems to be letting us know that she’s not going to go easy on Britney in her upcoming tell-all book about her. Although Britney’s friend Sam Lufti claims the book is going to be about Lynne’s spiritual journey guiding Britney and Jamie Lynne’s careers or some shit, tabloids are hyping it, saying Britney is worried about the bombshells Lynne might come out with.

Britney has cut Lynne off from her money and seems to be enjoying spending it all on throwaway fashion and high end hotels each month, so Lynne has got to be ready to spill the beans. It’s doubtful that she can do any more damage to Britney than she’s managed to do on her own, but we’ll have to see.

Lynne cites her lack of involvement with Britney while she was touring as a teen, saying that she was too busy watching her other two kids to save Britney from an inevitable life of running over photographers’ feet and shopping and dining aimlessly, drifting to different four-star hotels each night:

For everything that’s gone wrong for Britney, “I blame myself,” Lynne says. “What mother wouldn’t?”

“I wish I’d been there more while she was touring,” Lynne says. “But I couldn’t be. I had the other kids [Britney's brother, Bryan, now 30, and sister Jamie-Lynn, now 16] to look after.”

And while Lynne seems unable to explain exactly what went wrong while Britney was out of her care, her conscience is heavy. “I didn’t raise my children to have Hollywood careers,” she notes. “This all just exploded in my face, and big dreams become big headaches.” Again, she says, “I do blame myself…”

In the meantime, Lynne says she’s trying to help broker the peace by acting as a mediator between Britney and Kevin. “Here are two parents who care about their kids,” Lynne tells Life & Style. “They’re good people. While my daughter’s, Kevin’s and the boy’s interest at heart, I’m trying to bring them together, to bridge the gap. I think things are getting good.”

As for her own relationship with Britney… “We’ve reunited,” Lynne says. “We’re friends…” Still, she notes, she and Britney aren’t going to be moving in together any time shoon. “Britney’s not a keep-me-around person,” Lynne says. “I also have a 16-year-old to look after. I can’t be there for Britney all time.”

[From Life and Style, print edition, November 19, 2007]

I picture Lynne Spears saying all that in this faux-motherly tone, looking all innocent. What she’s really saying is “Britney is fucked up, maybe I screwed up but there’s nothing I can do about it at this point. I’m working with Kevin and the kids are ok.”

While we were ignoring Britney, she failed one of the drug tests she bothered to show up with and ran a red light while her kids and court-appointed monitor were in the car for one of her random drives, maybe not in that order, I can’t keep up. The drug test failure was attributed to one of the various prescription medications she’s on, with the most recent theory being that the adderral she takes for ADD caused her to test positive for amphetamines.

She also ran over a third person’s foot and has to attend an emergency hearing today for running that red light. It is thought that Kevin will ask for her rights to drive with her two boys in the car to be suspended. So Britney is getting as much driving time in as she can before it’s stripped from her. She was spotted out driving last night while wearing dark sunglasses, her two kids passed out in the back of the car, the court appointed monitor riding shotgun.

Thanks to WENN for these photos of Britney last night.

Time Magazine’s “Person of the Year” is supposed to be someone who was the biggest change-maker of the last twelve months. It used to be “Man of the Year,” which changed to “Person of the Year,” and last year wasn’t even a specific person at all, just “You.” I found that kind of lazy, but whatever. Liz Smith wrote an article about the Person of the Year symposium which was held last week. Many – if not most – of the suggestions were for things rather than people. There was a big push for “The Environment” and green things in general, including some discussion of Al Gore, who seems to be a legitimate contender if Time wants to still have a person, but talk a lot about a subject.

Someone suggested Britney Spears, which sounds ridiculous. But no one ever said the person of the year had to be known for doing GOOD things. Case in point: Adolf Hitler (1938), Joseph Stalin (1939 and 1942), and Newt Gingrich (1995). Now I’m not comparing Britney Spears to Hitler, the point is just that the person is someone who’s made a big impact, for better or worse. And Liz Smith makes a pretty good argument for Britney/celebrity crazed people in general. Plus, it’d be funny. And that doesn’t count for as much as it should with Time.

My own [vote] would be for Time again to go with a universal and not necessarily happy phenomenon… I think this year it could well cite the cataclysmic confusion, stress, worry and resulting triviality of this time affected by instant technology. There is no downtime anymore from the worship of celebrity and trash. People always wanted to be famous and to know others who were famous. But now we have a super examination of celebrity 24/7 and there is no optimism or expectation except of the next scandal. Technology in instant messaging, bloviating opinion and the Internet’s sprawling speed and ubiquity have forced real changes this last year.

Editor Rick Stengel told us that Britney Spears was one of the people who’d been suggested. Well, as horrible as that may seem, she and her many partners in celebrity, plus the money-making paparazzi, the likes of Harvey Levin’s TMZ, YouTube, MySpace could all be looked upon as an accelerating “happening.” People mad to be famous for 15 minutes and to worship others who are famous, are also affected by constantly changing methods of quick communication. They use this as a way to forget the world’s worrisome, important and serious issues.

Instant Technology for people gone “celebrity mad” is my choice as the biggest change-maker of 2007.

[From the Baltimore Sun]

It’s hard for me to tell if we really are that much more celebrity crazed than we used to be, since I do this for a living. I’m inundated with it all day long, but I can’t really tell if the rest of the world is. There are certainly still a lot of times when I’ll mention some celebrity happening and the person I’m with has no idea what I’m talking about. But more and more, when I tell people what I do, they’re much more up to date and current on gossip than I’d expect. When I mention an important trial or Barack Obama’s fantastic job on Meet the Press, I tend to be greeted with a much louder silence than when I mention Britney’s latest drug problems.

We’re experiencing an interesting shift in terms of knowledge and discussion about current events. Someone on NPR yesterday was saying that it can be directly related to the war and the economy: when people are stressed, they need to escape and have lighter things to worry about. If that’s the case, then who would ever have guessed that George Bush’s policies could be so great for Britney’s career?

Yes we’re still abiding by the 3-Britney-Posts-a-Week rule. They say it’s good to space out your bad habits, sort of a Monday/Wednesday/Friday thing. I just had to get to mine early. A video has been released from one of the dress rehearsals for the Video Music Awards. Britney famously botched her entire performance on September 9th – but the video shows what the routine was supposed to look like. In it, a stand-in dancer is used instead of Britney, and it’s amazing to see just how off Brit really was. Not like we couldn’t tell, what with the eyes that were mostly glazed over, with the exception of an occasional deer-in-the-headlights expression.

From most reports, Britney’s performance was supposed to be good, but understated. She wasn’t going to come out in a flesh tone/rhinestone covered bodysuit of dance with a snake. She was supposed to be reasonably covered but seductive, and dance reasonably well – sexy but not slutty. But that’s a concept that’s always eluded Brit, as she has famously thrown out couture claiming it wasn’t “sexy” enough. Britney’s version of sexy being go go boots and a bra (panties optional – and generally breakaway). Here’s how the performance was supposed to look:

Not bad, right? No one would be raving, “OMG, the old Britney is back!” or anything because there was nothing scandalous or shocking about it… there was no planned Madonna kiss this time around, as far as I could tell. But I think part of why whoever was choreographing her performance did it that way was because the last thing Britney needed was something shocking or potentially controversial. It seems like everyone was trying to look out for her and have her do the safest and professional performance possible. From the outfits MTV wanted her to wear (mostly corsets) to having a ton of dancers to carry most of the performance, it looks like everyone tried their best. Everyone but Britney, as usual.

In other Brit news, several websites are reporting that she failed her most recent drug test. The rest are reporting that she passed, otherwise her kids wouldn’t have been with her recently. I’m going with failed, and good PR spin. We’ll find out, and let you know next time we write about her… in 2 days. This restraint is killing me. I’ve had a terrible sinus infection and flu for 11 days now, and I swear to God, it was brought on by holding in all my Britney gossip. She really is toxic, if she stays in you, only antibiotics can cure it. I’m guessing I’m not the first one to say that last part about her though.

Here’s her performance, if you want to stomach it, one last time. Or just watch the good one above again.

Like Madonna, Britney Spears must not watch the news on television or go on the Internet, although it Britney’s case it’s probably not deliberate. She’s never home and spending a few moments paying attention to the news might cut into her busy shopping and driving schedule. Britney hadn’t heard yet that she was among the top five unsexiest women in Maxim’s latest misogynistic poll. She decided to head to a Maxim-sponsored party at the last minute, but when someone in her camp broke the news to her that she scored high on their unsexiest list she got all weepy and just resumed her random drive:

As Britney Spears drove aimlessly around the streets of Los Angeles Tuesday night following her shopping spree to find the perfect crystal chandelier, sources tell OK! that the thought occurred to her to make a surprise appearance at one of the evening’s big-ticket A-list events: The Maxim magazine-hosted launch party for the new Ubisoft video game Assassin’s Creed at Opera nightclub.

But the pop star never made the star-filled party, which included Heroes star Kristen Bell and The Hills’ Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge. So what kept her from going in?

According to a pal of the pop star, despite the fact that she wasn’t on the invite list, “Brit started saying that Maxim had always been so good to her in the past and she didn’t want to miss anything fun.” Well, that’s when she was informed that not only had she not made the cut of the magazine’s most recent “Hot 100″ list, the new issue of Maxim actually labeled, along with Madonna, Amy Winehouse, Sandra Oh and Sarah Jessica Parker, one the five most “unsexy” women on the planet.

As one can imagine, Brit didn’t take this news well. “She started to pout and her eyes were filling up with tears. She had no idea there was such a thing as an Unsexy list and it came as a pretty big shock.”

[From OK! Magazine]

We deliberately ignore Britney here usually, partly for your sanity and partly for ours. It’s just too much work to cover Britney, because I have this OCD need to cover all the current stories that are out on a celebrity and that’s maddeningly difficult with the weave-wearing wonder. This one was just too good to pass up, though. Widdle Britney had her feelings hurt, aww.

Meanwhile Britney has been hauled into court for missing 8 out of 14 scheduled drugs tests. Her lawyer offered the ridiculous explanation that she sleeps late because she’s a “pop star” (who doesn’t promote her album or tour) and elicited laughs in the court room when she told the judge “You are not a pop star with a number one album, so you don’t know.”

Part of the problem was that Britney changes her cell phone number all the time, so the judge said that she must provide a working number for the drug testing facility to contact her. She has never failed a drug test. The visitation arrangement with her two boys will remain the same.

While we were ignoring Britney she also left her children in the care of her court-appointed monitor while she went chandelier shopping, bought a $200k Mercedes, and ran over a second person’s foot with her car - the old one. Maybe she’s ditching it because it had too many bad memories for her, and too many dents from her various moving violations.

Here’s Britney buying that car on 11/7. She purchased a new 2008 Mercedes SL65 worth 200k. I would talk about her see-through shirt, but it’s Britney and she’s wearing a bra and the shirt almost covers her stomach so you have to give her credit.

She is also shown hiding her lips with her cellphone while out driving with her two boys. It looks like Jayden is sleeping as his head is slumped over. My son does that too, but we usually put a Bucky head pillow on him so it’s more comfortable when he’s sleeping. (Little old ladies would always scold me when he was sleeping in his stroller slumped over. Sometimes the stroller doesn’t go back and there’s nothing you can do.) The court appointed monitor is there too, but she’s trying to hide by ducking down.

Thanks to Splash News for these pictures.