South Park parodied the media coverage of Britney Spears in a new episode on Comedy Central last night. I’m not a huge South Park fan, but the show started out hilarious and ended with a creepy message that had me nodding.

The episode starts with the kids sitting around watching a television debate between Obama and Clinton, which is interrupted with breaking Britney news. Reporters go crazy over the news that Britney is camping in Colorado and that she took a pee outside on a ladybug. The newscast states that Britney has since moved to a hotel. Cartman notes that she’s in their town, South Park.

Once the guys learn that the photo of Britney peeing earned $100,000 they decide to go find her at the local hotel.

Kyle: “$100,000 for a picture of Britney peeing on a ladybug. Imagine what a picture of her crapping on a squirrel is worth!”

The guys claim to be Britney’s kids to gain access to her hotel room and once she learns that she was tricked she gets depressed and shoots herself in the head.

Britney survives, but she’s headless. It’s gross, but you can’t help laughing.

They sneak Britney out of the hospital and help her stage a singing comeback, in which she can only grunt because she has no head. The people in the studio make fun of her and call her fat and a train wreck.

After that Britney performs on the MTV Music Awards, with people calling her fat and saying that she’s lipsynching. The fact that she doesn’t have a head is mentioned as an aside.

The guys try and save Britney and shield her from the paparazzi. Kyle eventually gives a lecture to the media about how it’s time to let Britney go before it’s too late. A photographer says “Son, you don’t seem to understand. Britney Spears has to die.”

It goes on from there, with the press explaining that “Our lust for torture and death is no different than it was in gladiator times. The only difference is now we like to watch people put to death through magazines and photographs.”

Photographers eventually surround Britney and photograph her to death in a scene that’s reminiscent of the public stoning in that famous short story by Shirley Jackson, “The Lottery,” in which a town holds a lottery to see who will be killed to ensure a good harvest.

Everyone in town acts normal afterwards and life goes on as usual. The news then breaks to a story about Miley Cyrus and the townspeople start chanting eerily, setting her up to be the next victim.

I enjoyed the way this episode skewered the media frenzy surrounding Britney and made them look like clueless swarming zombies. It really had a good message.

Here’s the clip where Britney shoots herself. Warning: it’s violent.

A clip where the news makes fun of Britney’s cameltoe.

And Britney is photographed to death. Again disturbing.

If you want to watch the whole episode, I’ve clipped it into three segments. Thanks to Redlasso for making the television streams available.
Britney Spears on South Park Part 1
Britney Spears on South Park Part 2
Britney Spears on South Park Part 3

Kim Kardashian is really rolling with the “I used to be a stylist” thing. Never mind that she used to be a stylist for Brandy, and stole Brandy’s mom’s credit card and used it to buy stuff for herself. Kim still thinks she’s got something to teach the rest of us, which is why she’s offered to help the ever-sinking Britney Spears in the vanity department. Okay to be fair, a lot of us probably think that about Britney – but more in the hygiene department than anything else. Kim Kardashian has about as much class as Joey Buttafuco. She says her style icon is J-Lo. Now I will admit there’s an ever-so-slight chance that I own a blazer from the J-Lo fashion collection. But I am not quasi-famous, I do not have my own reality show, and I at least understand that I should feel some shame about it. Kim doesn’t have a leg to stand on.

Kim Kardashian has her eye on Britney Spears – and her clothing.

The Keeping Up with the Kardashians star and stylist says in a new video blog post that she would love to give the pop star a little help in the fashion department.

“I would love, love, love to give Britney Spears a makeover,” Kardashian says. “I think everyone wants to give her a makeover. But I think that she is so cute and sweet and has a great style. But it’s all fallen apart and it’s a mess now. I would love to bring her back to where she used to be.”

[From People]

I don’t think Kim Kardashian would know how to dress someone in a way that didn’t show off ass cleavage. But considering her sense of style, she’s probably the perfect match for Britney Spears. She wouldn’t try to make Britney class or shove her in anything made by Gucci. Kim would probably just take a baby wipe to Britney’s face, get her some better extensions, and send her on her way.

OK Magazine claims to have an exclusive on what life is like for Britney Spears when she’s cooped up inside her 7,400 square foot, $7.2 million home. Yeah I know what you’re thinking, “Man, I’d commit just about any crime to be locked down in a place like that.” Me too. Until I read some of the creepy details. Things aren’t really weird there because of any rules or restrictions father/conservator Jamie Spears has forced upon Britney – it seems instead that any creepiness is of her own making. Like a long counter for her wigs. And she has bizarre ways of filling up her time – namely trying on clothes over and over again. I wonder if anyone’s ever suggested something as novel and controversial as reading a book?

Now, a typical day with Britney includes spending hours alone in her bedroom, which a frequent visitor to the home tells OK! is “like a princess’ room with several walk-in closets and a spa tub, plus a long counter where she used to keep all her wigs.”

…and since she’s no longer allowed to go out, the pop star now spends hours in front of the mirror trying on different outfits. “Changing clothes all day long must seem harmless enough, so her dad doesn’t interfere with that,” a friend of Britney explains to OK!. “She’ll change three or four times on days when she’s not leaving the house.” Some of those clothes include “fat clothes” that Britney likes to wear when she’s feeling bloated or out of shape. Friends say the singer keeps a secret closet stocked with these loose-fitting garments for just these occasions.

An even bigger surprise inside the house — a shrine to ex boyfriend, Justin Timberlake! Sources tell OK! that few people have seen Brit’s collection of private mementos from her years with the pop superstar. “She’s obsessed with him,” the source reveals. “She has pictures of them together and has devoted a private area just to celebrate him.”

[From OK Magazine]

Britney’s life still sounds pretty bizarre, if not dangerous. This is probably just me, but a countertop full of wigs would freak me out a little. Let’s not get too nit-picky here - even if the wigs aren’t there anymore, the fact remains that she used to have a counter where she kept a bunch of wigs. I’m imagining them on those creepy, faceless Styrofoam heads. Or maybe some empty, vapid looking heads. Wait, no that’s Britney, never mind. The “Frequent visitor” (I would really love to know if that means friend/family/or maid) says the most surprising thing about Britney’s home is that she actually keeps it very clean and clutter-free. I’m assuming it’s because she pays someone to do that, but that’s still saying something. She could have paid someone to be her PR rep or paid someone to help her dial down the crazy and keep an extra pair of shoes in their bag so Brit didn’t walk into bathrooms barefoot, but she didn’t. So to me, still paying for a housekeeper is a pretty big step. I already knew about the shrine thing though – I think we all did – we just thought it was of Chester Cheeto.

Here’s Britney going shoe shopping at Off Broadway Shoe Warehouse on Sunset Boulevard - and then climbing into her car and flashing her underwear on March 8th. Images thanks to WENN.

“How I Met Your Mother” star Neil Patrick Harris has addressed the fact that Britney is going to have an upcoming guest role on his show. He told ET that he was “shocked that Madame Spears (emphasis on the Madame) was willing to come and do some acting. She hasn’t acted in a while.”

ET has a partial transcript of Harris’ comments on their website, and he made some jokes about Britney, saying her role will be “unlike any Britney we have seen before, and we have seen a lot of Britney recently.”

One thing they forgot to put into their post about the video interview available on their website, is that Harris specifically mentioned Osama Lutfi when interviewer Kevin Frazier asked him if he was worried about the crush of paparazzi that follows Britney wherever she goes:

Have you gotten ready for the paparazzi onslaught that’s gonna happen obviously every day now?
We thankfully don’t film on location, so I don’t think we’re going to be dealing with lots of paparazzi people at the Fox lot, but here’s hoping that Osama Lutfi guy doesn’t come and cause a stir.
So you’re hoping that she doesn’t bring the posse. Just Britney, no posse.
What if she shows up on set and she is absolutely, totally normal and that whole thing has been a big ruse?
Would that freak you out?
Would that freak you out?
Well, of course it would freak me out.
She’s smoking a cigarette, “Oh yeah, it’s all a big bit. I’ve got a master plan.”

[Transcribed from video available on ETOnline.com]

Harris is too awesome. You can tell that he follows Britney news like the rest of us, and that he’s taking the fact that she’s going to temporarily invade his workplace in stride. It all seems a bit amusing to him, like he’ll get to see for himself what Britney is really like behind all the hype.

In related Britney news, she’s been given an allowance of $1,500 a week on a debit card by order of the Commissioner presiding over her conservatorship case.

Lawyers for Britney are also arguing against the over $400,000 in legal fees that she is obligated to pay K-Fed’s attorneys for representing him in their ongoing custody battle. Britney’s lawyers argue that Kevin’s lawyers spent too much time on the case, calling multiple hearings and bringing too many people to court in order to take advantage of the fact that Britney was paying the bills. Kevin’s lawyers say that it’s not a typical case and takes a lot of time and people to work on it. The judge is now considering whether Kevin should foot part of his legal bill.

Britney stepped out last night for dinner, and was seen with new lighter-colored hair withhighlights. She looked incredibly good. I wonder if her new hair is to prepare for her upcoming television role. Thanks to WENN for these pictures.

Britney’s rep has confirmed reports that she will make a guest appearance on the CBS sitcom “How I Met Your Mother.” Britney previously appeared as a guest on former CBS sitcom “Will and Grace” in early 2006 and by some reports was considering a career in acting full time. She was also said to be in talks for an ongoing role in a sitcom around that time, but nothing came of that.

Paris Hilton will have a guest spot on “My Name is Earl” in an episode to air on April 3. It sounds like the television networks are getting desperate by calling in the tabloid darlings to bring in ratings after the writer’s strike.

Here’s a clip of Britney on “Will and Grace” back when she still sort-of had her act together. It’s not as bad as you might anticipate. She’s annoying, but so was “Will and Grace.”

Britney is seen out shoe shopping on 3/8/08.

Since she regained limited supervised visitation with her young sons a little over a week ago, Britney Spears has dutifully spent time with them, and could end up being allowed to visit them as often as three times a week. However according to Page Six, both Sean Preston and Jayden James are having a hard time adapting to having her back in their lives, and are suffering some of the traditional emotional ups and downs that one would expect.

Britney Spears’ visits with her kids have been emotional for the whole family. Sean Preston has been sleeping in the same room as father Kevin Federline lately because he’s been having nightmares.

According to insiders, Preston, 2, also cried for his dad at first when Britney picked them up, but Kevin soothed him and he settled down.

“Jamie told Kevin that Britney handled the visit well. She actually did cry, but that was only because Sean cried when she took them from Kevin,” says the insider.

[From Page Six]

The article goes on to say that the boys are confused by their mom and don’t have that feeling of safety that kids needs. This is the main reason that Jamie Spears or a psychologist is required to be there the whole time. Jamie is said to be very good with the boys and they love their grandpa. He has seen them consistently, often visiting them at K-Feds house when Britney couldn’t. The “source” also says that Britney doesn’t really know how to give her sons what they need, and instead views them in terms of what she enjoys, which is dressing them up and showing them off.

Part of the problem is that Britney treats her sons more like dolls than children. “She dresses them for show and tell,” says the insider. “She likes to show them off, but not give them the nurturing they need. I understand she is working on this part of her motherhood with her psychiatrist.”

Other sources tell us that the kids are said to be playing a “pivotal role in her progress.”
“Brit has expressed interest in becoming closer to the boys. Kevin hopes she is talking from her heart.”

[From Page Six]

Britney has supposedly made a deal with her parents that as long as she works hard in therapy and with her sons, she won’t have to go back into the hospital. It sounds like it’s good that they’ve made some sort of agreement so Brit knows exactly what she needs to do to avoid negative consequences. It’s really sad that her sons have to be a part of her “treatment,” and getting her life back together. Obviously it’s probably best for them to have their mother in their lives in the long run, but it sounds like in the short run it’s pretty emotionally trying for them. Let’s hope Britney is not actually pregnant again – despite the rumors and every growing stomach – and that she can just focus on getting her life back together.

In other Britney/Jamie Spears news, today it was reported that Jamie is now allowed to draw $2500 from Britney’s accounts for acting as her conservator. That’s $10,000 a month. He definitely deserves to be paid for all his hard work, but the downside is that now people can question his motivations, whereas before that wasn’t as easy.

Britney’s ex-”manager”/hanger on Sam Lutfi avoided being served a restraining order until the last possible moment, with a judge having to rule that it was still valid a day after the time ran out to present it to him. Now there’s news that he’s going to fight the order, with March 17 court date to present his twisted side of the story. The current restraining order against Lutfi lasts until March 17.

Sam supposedly said that he will call Britney to the witness stand to personally attest that she wants him back in her life and that she’s sick of her father controlling her. The News of the World quotes him as saying “I am going to call Britney to the stand so she can tell the world how I was helping her. I am innocent. I am Britney’s friend and would never hurt her.”

One of Britney’s old assistants has a different story about Lutfi. Kalie Machado worked for Britney for three months starting in December, 2006. She says that Sam contacted her and asked her a bunch of personal questions about Britney before he was able to meet her and insert himself into her life. He first arranged a meeting with Machado with the excuse that he was a private investigator and had “incriminating evidence” against the star. Instead of presenting anything to the assistant, he then asked a bunch of weird questions about Britney’s schedule and how to contact her. Machado left soon afterwards, and it sounds like she got a very creepy vibe from Lutfi. She says that she saw a picture of Lutfi with Britney months later and she was amazed to see that it was the weirdo who was trying to get to Britney through her:

Kalie Machado claims that while she was Britney’s assistant, she received a call from a man “at a restricted number” who said he was a private investigator working for Brit’s ex husband Kevin Federline. That man was Sam. “He said he had incriminating evidence on Britney and he was going to hand it over to me,” she recalls. “We arranged to meet in a Santa Monica Starbucks.”

Kalie was nervous, so she brought her roommate with her. She says she spent 20 minutes listening to Sam talk and when she demanded to see the evidence, he instead “asked all kinds of stalkerish questions - like when we leave the house and where Britney and I went.”

Finally, Kalie realized that Sam had nothing and left. “I got more calls from Sam after that,” she remembers, “but I just ignored them.”

Kalie stopped working for Britney… in February, 2007 and moved to San Francisco. Months later, she says she saw a photo on the Internet that made her stomach drop. “It was Britney, standing next to the man I met in Starbucks - Sam Lutfi. I got a chill down my spine.”

[From In Touch, print edition, March 10, 2008]

Machado says she’s happy to learn about the restraining order against Lutfi and that she “just want(s) to warn Britney - and other people - to make sure they stay away. Sam is a creep.”

There are plenty of other people who attest to the manipulative and abusive way Lutfi treats his “friends”. Before Britney, he had at least three other restraining orders against him and was accused of threatening and verbally abusing a male friend after the man started to pull away from him. Many people blame Lutfi for Britney’s rapid downfall and the way that she lost custody of her boys to her ex husband.

Lutfi bragged to Britney’s mother that he would mash up psychiatric drugs and mix them into her food. It’s possible that much of her erratic behavior over the past few months was due to being overmedicated by Lutfi against her knowledge. She certainly has psychological problems on her own, but it’s clear that she’s much better off under the guardianship of her father. Let’s hope Lutfi’s transparent plan to gain influence over Britney again is shot down in court in two weeks.

Britney is shown at Millenium Dance Studio last night, thanks to Splash. She really is looking pregnant I’m sorry to say. I hope it’s just that dress.

The Ryan Seacrest radio show PR people e-mailed me a link to a new song by Britney Spears and Heidi Montag. I was scratching my head over this one. At first I thought it must be a parody, but it seems like a real song featuring these two. It’s not as piss poor as Montag’s earlier efforts, but not as good as Britney’s. It’s bad, forgettable and really repetitive. Whose idea was it to make a song with Britney and Heidi Montag, and why did Britney’s people agree to it? The song is called “Dramatic,” but if you listen to it you’ll realize that it doesn’t really matter what it’s called.

Here’s the link to the song, it will be on YouTube in about five minutes probably.

The Hills reality show star and aspiring singer Heidi Montag has lost her step brother in a freak accident. A veteran of the war in Iraq and Afghanistan, 24-year-old Eric O’Hara was cleaning snow off a roof of a hotel where he worked in Colorado when he slid on some ice and fell off. Montag talked to US Weekly about her step brother’s death, and I hope they cut out the part where she said she was “shocked” and/or “devastated” or that it was “very sad” or “tragic.” Maybe she’s still processing it:

“I just loved him more than anything,” Montag told Usmagazine.com. “He couldn’t wait to meet Spencer.”

“He was very much a brother to me,” she said. “He called me his sister, not his step-sister. He was always like, ‘I love you! I have to meet Spencer and make sure he’s cool to you!’ Just like a brother.”

Montag’s father, Bill, married O’Hara’s mother, Terri, when Montag was 7-years-old. Montag lived with her mom and O’Hara lived with her dad. She saw him every weekend, at holidays and during the summer.

“He was just back [from Iraq] and was ready to go back to school,” Montag explained. “He went up to Steamboat [the hotel where he had the fatal accident] for the weekend where my dad lives.”

“He was just so patriotic,” Montag told Us. “He just really wanted to go there and help and do all that he could for his country. He felt like it was his duty.”

[From US Weekly]

It’s very sad to lose a family member so young. When I first read her comments it struck me that she didn’t sound very broken up over it. That’s not something I think I should judge her on though. It’s possible that she talked with the US Weekly people at length and they cut a lot out and just put in those specific comments.

Who made the decision to put Britney in a song with Heidi Montag though? Britney has been making a lot of progress in her personal life and a duet with Montag doesn’t seem like the best move for her career. OK! Magazine is now reporting this story, and they say that “Details on the collaboration are scant at the moment,” but speculate that it will only help Heidi’s career. Her boyfriend Spencer Pratt said after the negative reception to her premiere video, “Madonna, eat your heart out. Britney Spears, eat your heart out. I would say we have diamond records coming - they’re gonna sell 10-million plus.” Even with Britney on board, he’s probably way off with that number.

Update: Rumor has it that this song was made by Heidi and Spencer without Britney’s knowledge or permission. We’ll have to see what her people say about it.

Update 2: Thanks to reader Jessie for pointing us to an article in US Magazine that came out after we published this. Britney’s people say it was done without her authorization;

A source at Spears’ label, Jive, tells Usmagazine.com, “It’s not authorized and it wasn’t set up in any way and they never spent any time together in the studio. This was never a planned song or duet in any way.”

[From US Magazine]

Britney Spears got a house call from two mental health professionals on Saturday – but not for the traditional hostage-taking. According to E! and OK magazine, both the “court-appointed psychiatric evaluator” and UCLA Medical Center doctor showed up around two in the afternoon for some sort of evaluation, likely having to do with her child custody case. Though it could also be regarding her conservatorship… Brit’s got so many legal issues, it’s not always possible to determine what psych professional goes with which case. Probably sensing that they had a better chance of actually seeing Brit if they came to her instead of having her come to them, the two mental health professionals reportedly spent about two hours inside of Brit’s house before they left.

A source tells E! News that Spears’ bodyguard escorted the doctors from the Westwood-based medical center to her home in the posh, gated community of Summit Circle at approximately 2 p.m. They subsequently met with her for two hours before departing around 4 p.m.

No word on the nature of the checkup. However Mark Vincent Kaplan, the attorney for the popster’s ex-hubby Kevin Federline, told E! News last week that as part of her agreement to retain visitation rights with her kids, Spears is obligated to undergo “custody evaluation” by medical experts among other requirements.

[From E! News]

E! also notes that Britney has seen Sean Preston and Jayden James three times since she was awarded supervised visitation last week. Three times in a week has got to be some sort of record for Britney. After the court visit, Britney was off to her second home, the Millennium Dance Complex, where she taught another dance class. Brit has been really diligent with her classes, which is really impressive. There’s also no photographers there, and yet she’s keeping it up, which I think speaks pretty well of her. Robert Baker, who owns Millennium, said that the class has a different batch of kids each time, so that everyone gets a turn. Baker says Britney plays different dance games with the kids.

…”One is called Freeze,” he explains. “Everyone creates a circle and does a little dance step. Whoever gets off step has to stand in the circle. One time recently, she got off step but she didn’t want to get into the circle, saying, ‘Oh no, you guys! I’m not getting in the circle!’” But with the students shouting back, “You got off step! You have to get in!” the pop star didn’t have much of a choice. “The kids kind of revolted,” says Robert. “It was very cute. And, of course she did it, and the kids went crazy laughing.”

These lessons appear to be having a therapeutic effect on the mother of two. “Seeing her with these children, and then having these regular visits with her boys,” Robert explains. “It’s connecting the dots. I’m seeing a return to the old, loving Britney from before. She’s really improving.”

[From OK!]

That’s a cute story. Who the hell knows if it’s true or if it’s just some good press – but Britney could use some good press, so let’s go with it. Considering how much energy she’s put into acting out, whatever her motivation may be for teaching the classes, it’s a big improvement. It seems pretty clear that Britney’s father Jamie has been a good influence on her. The two have historically had a stormy relationship, but if nothing else, it seems pretty clear that he’s got Britney’s best interests at heart and is not at all self- serving. He’s been working as a chef for several years, and still holds the job. In the last month, Britney’s had a lot of ups and downs, but she’s regained limited supervised visitation with her kids, has actually shown up for appointments, and is doing something nice for others. All those changes speak well of her, and might be indications that she’s slowly getting better.

Here’s Britney on her way to Millennium Dance Studio on Friday. There’s a lot of speculation that’s she’s pregnant, and she’s certainly showing some visible tummy here. It certainly doesn’t look that bad from a slightly different angle. Let’s hope it’s just because she’s no longer using whatever substance she used to take to lose weight. Images thanks to Splash.

Britney Spears made a bizarre request at an exclusive boutique, asking that they recreate a dress from a different designer and have it ready by that evening. She got turned down, of course, but ended up with the consolation prize of a yellow wig that one of the mannequins was wearing:

She flummoxed staff at the Betsey Johnson on Melrose Ave. this month by turning up with a Dolce & Gabbana dress she wanted the store to copy - in all white - to be ready by that evening.

According to a witness, “the staff explained that they didn’t have a dressmaker on call who could do it in time.” Never mind that the frock she wanted copied wasn’t even their label.

“The only thing she wanted to buy in the store was the yellow wig on a mannequin in the window,” laughs the source. “The manager eventually agreed to offer it to her for $100.”

[From The NY Daily News]

This isn’t the first time that Britney has baffled employees at a designer boutique. This week’s National Enquirer reports that she went into top bridal designer Monique Lhuillier’s shop and said she was looking for a wedding gown.

Allowed to go on the Feb 16 shopping spree by her dad, the singer scouted Monique Lhuillier boutique for bridal attire. Britney told a clerk she dreams of getting married again in a big wedding - and wants a dress with a long train. Her assistant humored her, acting as if she was taking down info. The singer settled for a nice, brown dress, but instructed the sale staff to contact her when they receive the latest gowns.

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, March 3, 2008]

I can see Britney just buying a wedding dress and wearing it out for attention. It would be a smarter ploy than trying to flash the paps for the tenth time.

In related Britney news, the LAPD has said they’re considering investigating whether she was drugged against her knowledge:

Police Capt. Kyle Jackon said in a statement Wednesday that the allegations “are being considered” by the Robbery-Homicide unit to determine if laws have been violated.

[From AP]

This is similar to a story reported by TMZ a little over a week ago saying that the investigation into Sam Lutfi’s drugging of Britney was “well underway” and that it has “been assigned to Robbery Homicide.” A police spokesperson denied that there was an investigation at that time.

Britney is shown out shopping on 2/26/08.