Yesterday I mentioned the US Weekly article about Britney’s consultation with her christian life coach, and how she has taken Kevin back. The article makes it seem as if it’s this glorious reunion and that everything will be fine in their troubled relationship after the vacation photo op they took. This is in complete contrast to other reports we read that had Britney and Kevin sleeping in separate hotel rooms and avoiding each other on that same trip.

(From US Weekly’s print version)

Kevin also promised to spend four to five hours each day with Sean Preston to give Britney a break. Now that Perry’s gone he better take up some of the slack.

This glowing report of their renewed love must be one Kevin’s peeps giving good news to the rags for once after Britney told Kevin to stop feeding his friends stories to sell to the press. There’s no way everything is fine in their relationship or that their misguided love with conquer all.

Britney may dress trashy, but she lives in more style then the majority of the planet will experience in its lifetime. It’s kind of incongruous to see Britney in a tie-dye and Kevin in camo pants in a private jet, and it reminds us how privileged these people are, and why we make fun of them in the first place. These pictures are from Breatheheavy.com, and are said to be “stolen from Britney’s private album” by Us Weekly.

Britney was set to do a pregnant semi-nude Harper’s Bazaar spread just like Demi Moore, but she pulled it. Someone sent the airbrushed pictures to BritneySpy.com, and now they’re all over. Why did Britney pull the pictures? She probably was advised against it by her “christian life coach,” who is also said to be behind Britney and Kevin’s recent reconciliation.

Now that I’m in the states I have the mixed blessing of being able to read the tabloids, and will report on Us Weekly’s glowing coverage of Kevin and Britney’s reunion shortly.

In the mean time, here are Britney’s Harper’s Bazaar photos. They’re trashy, but that’s just how she comes off anyway. Add a shag rug and pose her nude and you just magnify that quality. Also, Sean Preston is cute and all, but doesn’t he have any other expression? He always seems to look the same. Maybe that’s how he copes.

Thanks to Just Jared for these photos.

X17 loves to point out Britney’s foibles, and their latest blog post tries to rile everyone up with a picture of Britney in the back of her Escalade holding Sean Preston. We don’t see the car taking off with Sean Preston in Britney’s lap, but it’s implied.

Britney probably does all sorts of things that put her baby in danger, and maybe she’s only caught a fraction of the time. Now that she’s got a bad record, though, people are blaming her for things she hasn’t even done. What do you think?

Here’s what x17 wrote:

Commentors are pretty annoyed that X17 doesn’t bother to show Britney put Sean in his carseat, but did she do it? You can see the seat in the back.

Here are some more pictures from the series. You can see clearer unwatermarked versions in our image gallery from yesterday.

Britney is planning to sue 8 different tabloids for reporting that her marriage is in trouble, but she’s not going to do it from the states, where celebrities are considered public personalities and are fair game by law - she’s filed suit in Ireland, where her chances of winning are much higher:

It doesn’t seem fair that celebrities can just file suit from England or Ireland in order to get around US libel laws, but major corporations avoid paying taxes by incorporating overseas. Exploiting tax and legal loopholes is just one of the ways that people hold onto their undeserved millions.

Here is Britney with Sean Preston and her mom and sister outside of Nobu. K-Fed was there, too, but is not pictured. There was supposedly a paparrazi fight as photographers jockied for pictures of the pregnant star. TMZ has a video of it, with people saying “back off” and swearing, but it doesn’t seem as exciting as they make it out to be. We were hoping for some punches and hair-pulling.

Pictures and tabloid story [via]

Everyone thought it was amazing how gorgeous a cleaned-up K-Fed looked when the pictures from his Item Magazine spread came out. He kind of looked like a used car salesman to me. (If you still think he’s cute, just check out these pictures of him lounging around the pool with his gut hanging out during his PR vacation with Britney.)

K-Fed is the new face of the Blue Marlin Clothing Company’s Five Star Vintage Clothing Line. Guess they don’t mind having their brand associated with a guy whose only claim to fame is fathering lots of children and starring in the cringe-worthy “Chaotic”.

Christina Aguilera has made another dig at Britney’s husband, K-Fed, saying that her husband is reliable and “isn’t trying to put out an album” or be in the spotlight:

Aguilera felt the need to bring everyone’s attention to the fact that Britney was not at the MTV Music Awards this year. She said something about wanting to chat with her, but she was really highlighting how hot she still is, while Britney has let herself go and is focusing on her role as a neglectful mother. Aguilera called Britney’s wedding to K-Fed two years ago “pathetic” at the time, and she was unfortunately right.

Some of these pictures of K-Fed’s Item Magazine shoot you’ve seen before, but many are new. If K-Fed can clean up, maybe Britney can, too.

Pictures [via]

Britney released a clip of a new song on her website called “Rebellion.” It looks like it was up briefly and was removed, because BreatheHeavy.com says it was the second update and was under her poem, but it’s no longer available.

The lyrics reveal the fact that she’s pissed off at the paparrazi and press and thinks that she can make a noun into a verb by repeating it a lot. On her site before the download link she wrote “This is for everyone who thinks they know me… I forgive you.”

Download a 50 second clip of Rebellion (mp3)

It’s got a wannabe hip-hop vibe and it’s pretty good.

You’re not selling your soul, Britney, just some crappy pictures that no one wants. It’s also clear that you’re pissed off at Kevin, because he’s slowly poisoning you. We get it.

You think you’re rebellion by dyeing your hair black, don’t you?

Lyrics and Britney mp3 from BreatheHeavy.com.

Britney Spears realized what a trashy loser people thought she was after her horrendous “Dateline” interview, in which she refused help from her publicists and didn’t even have a hairdresser or makeup artist help her get ready. The pregnant singer chewed gum the whole time and bawled her eyes out when questioned about the parparrazi. She seemed arrogant and defensive and looked cheap in a super-short outfit.

Once Britney heard how poorly the interview was received she tried to do damage control by having professional portraits done. She shopped the pictures around to gossip mags at the sky-high price of $200,000. Britney called the gossip rags “trash” in her interview, and they showed her who was the trashy one by refusing to buy the pictures.

The only magazine willing to carry Britney’s “classy” pictures and an interview was OK! Magazine - and they snatched them up at the bargain basement price of $5,000. When asked about the story and cheap photos, OK! said “Who doesn’t love a discount?”

Britney, you’re the discount. Get your ass in gear and get some media training.

Header photo from FadedYouth.

The trainwreck that is Britney Spears just hit another small child left wandering on the tracks by its bad mother. She went on national primetime television without consulting her publicist, got rid of Perry, the one good thing that’s happened to her since she busted a knee and hooked up with K-Fed, and dyed her trademark blonde hair black.

No one was with Britney when she made her typically ignorant and arrogant comments to Matt Lauer on “Dateline.” She brushed off her publicists, and didn’t have a stylist or makeup artist help her get ready. It was all too evident:

Britney probably popped into the local CVS to make her own decision to dye her hair this jet black color. Everyone thought it was a poor wig disguise at first, but now it’s clear that this is Britney’s own hair. (plus extensions.)

The poor girl must have thought she was trying to escape from the paparrazi “Fugitive” style, but she just managed to make herself a more interesting target.

Readers noted after seeing the pictures of Britney and Sean Preston riding around in a golf cart last week that the tot looked sunburned. Yesterday’s photographs show his red little face and head. Britney would say “stuff happens with kids,” but it doesn’t usually happen if you take a little time for precautions. Britney may make her own decisions, but they affect her child and she needs a lot of help.

Update: Britney is said to have turned down a $3.6 million deal to be the new face of Kleenex in a bid for the tissue company to cash in on her tearful down and out image. The source is some British rag, though, and it sounds like something that is completely fabricated.

Pictures [via]

Earlier in the week it was reported that Kevin wanted Britney to fire her gorgeous helpful bodyguard/manny, 28 year-old naval academy graduate, Perry Taylor. Britney may have followed his advice, because she was photographed out without Perry in a NY Mall yesterday.

Kevin would tell Britney to get rid of a guy that’s ten times more helpful than he is. He wants to control her and make sure she doesn’t leave his sorry ass. It looks like Perry’s fifteen minutes of fame, and his steady job, are over. Maybe if he did it half-assed like Kevin, Britney’s husband wouldn’t feel threatened by him and wouldn’t have asked her to fire him.

Britney and Kevin were said to have vacationed together at a resort in Miami this weekend, but the reality is that they avoided each other and stayed in separate houses at their resort.

Kevin has new gigs this week as the face of Blue Marlin clothing company and campaigning for a new Virgin Mobile charity “penny” drive. It’s really a publicity stunt for Virgin’s one-cent text messaging offer. Now that he’s getting his own “work” maybe he’ll get cocky enough about it to finally set Britney free.

Here are pictures of Kevin Federline at a Miami resort on 6/18, and 6/19. There are also pictures of Kevin signing the petition to keep the penny in circulation, and Britney shopping at a NY Mall on 6/21. Britney and Kevin are shown on the balcony at their Miami resort. Pictures [via] [via] [via]

The vacation is still on, but we’re back posting sooner than expected because it’s just not work to us to talk trash about celebrities.

In Britney’s Dateline Interview she comes off defensive, rude, and dumb. She’s even chewing gum, just like when she was announcing her pregnancy on Letterman! At one point she breaks down and cries when Lauer asks her “what do you think it will take to get the paparrazi to leave you alone?” While I feel sorry for her and don’t blame her for crying, she didn’t handle the first part of the questioning well at all.

She says of the incident where Child Protective Services visited her for Sean Perston’s high chair fall that “they didn’t have to come, the doctor there made them come because I didn’t bring my doctor there with me.” The doctor there made them come because her child was injured and they’re required by law to contact Children and Family Services. That’s idiotic to suggest the reason was because she didn’t bring another doctor. She seems not to understand that is how CPS works.

When asked by Lauer if she tripped on her pants during the near baby-drop fiasco, she says, “I think, uh, actually, I didn’t trip on anything, there was, a NY street, it was cobblestone… I think it was mixture of so many paparrazi and just how the road was all messed up, me just trying to get in the car.” The road was perfecly flat and paved and not cobblestone at all. I live in Europe where there are real cobblestone streets and people manage to walk around holding all sorts of shit without stumbling and falling.

No fucking mention of the highball glass she was carrying at the time, and no admission of even partial guilt or regret for the incident. She blows it off, saying “accidents happen” and using the ridiculous example of her brother’s multiple motorcycle accident at age 13 as a comparison. “Stuff happens with kids,” she explains. Britney, you fucking idiot, you have total responsibility for your baby’s safety and he’s not the same as an adolescent boy.

She says she was crying afterwards because people were trying to take her picture, not because she almost hurt Sean. She also cals a woman ignorant for trying to take her picture at the time. “Ignorant” is not an adjective Britney should introduce into a conversation.

“There will be plenty more oopses, I’m human.” Yes you are, and you’re richer than 99.99% of the world. You can fucking hire someone to help you talk to the press and act like you actually take responsibility for your actions and care about your infant son.

“You have to realize that we’re people, and we need privacy, and we need respect. Those are just things that you have to have as a human.” This is your job, Britney, figure it out. The paparrazi are terrible and all but you need to find a better way to cope.

She does seem to love Sean even though she won’t admit to any guilt or responsibility for his frequent safety mishaps.

Later in the interview she’s in her element when talking about her music and her work, and she explains her brief involvement with the Kabbalah cult well. She has a new clothing line for children coming out, called “Baby Soul Rock and Roll,” and she seems quite excited and happy about it.

While things seem to be looking up for her, she needs professional media coaching and she should never have done this interview.

Here is the relevant part of the interview:

This is part four in the series. Here are the earlier parts of Britney’s interview:

Britney’s Dateline Interview Part 1 of 4
Britney’s Dateline Interview Part 2 of 4
Britney’s Dateline Interview Part 3 of 4
Britney’s Dateline Interview Part 4 of 4 (shown above)

And here she is with a drink in one hand and Sean Preston on her lap on a golf cart in Hollywood on June 8th:
[via]