A few months ago some paparazzi pictures came out of Hulk Hogan rubbing suntan lotion on his daughter’s ass. It was mildly disturbing, to say the least, and generated more than a few comments, mostly along the lines of ‘Help me! My eyes! My eyes!’

Anyway, daughter Brooke says that it’s okay when her dad rubs lotion on her behind, because her ass is like a car.

“I know I’m a grown woman, but it’s like he’s touching an old car,” the singer tells Us Weekly in its latest issue, on newsstands now.

“He used to change my diaper!” she adds.

Us Weekly

Brooke is on the cover of Maxim magazine looking surprisingly good, and now that she’s fighting with her mom she’s obviously back to being on good terms with her dad again following their falling out about his relationship with her former best friend, because he came with her to her Maxim shoot.

You can view the video below, where Hulk tells the camera that when Brooke was 17 he wouldn’t let Maxim take sexy pictures of her, but now that’s she’s nearly 20 it’s okay. I have no explanation for this logic, except I guess she’s of legal age now. Frankly, if I ever get the offer of a Maxim shoot, and I’m expecting it any day now, I not even going to show my father the pictures, let alone invite him to the photo shoot. I guess Brooke might have taken her mother with her, but she’s not talking to her.

Brooke looks surprisingly good in the photos for Maxim, and in the video she’s seen kissing and fooling about with unidentified skinny guy. The rumors of her engagement continue but apparently she feels that with Nick incarcerated she shouldn’t be celebrating and she’s gong to wait until he is released to break the news to the world. Her wedding won’t be featured on her reality show, unless it really bombs and then she’ll do it to get ratings boost.

Note by Celebitchy: The thing that bothered me about those pictures is that her dad was touching her ass for one, but also that it’s a place she can easily reach herself. You ask people to apply sunblock to the places you can’t reach, and there’s really no reason for him to be touching her butt at all.

With both of her parents going off the deep end since their messy divorce, and her brother in jail for his part in permanently disabling his best friend, 20-year-old Brooke Hogan seems like the only halfway sane person in that family. Which is kind of scary, if you think about it. Brooke confessed that the idea of her mom dating a guy who is younger than her has her “freaked out.” In fact, Linda Hogan met her new boy toy because he is a school mate of Brooke and Nick. Ewwww.

Not everyone approves of Hollywood cougars—least of all their cubs.

Brooke Hogan’s reaction to her 48-year-old mom, Linda, dating someone 29 years her junior? “I’m totally freaked out,” she told E! satellite radio personality Michael Yo during a conversation the two had off air.

“I personally don’t like it at all or condone it, but she’s my mom, so I have to show her support.”

The Hulkster’s daughter also confirmed that mom’s man-child, Charley Hill, 19, was a classmate of hers and her jailed brother, Nick.

“I went to school with him. He was a grade under me…Me and Nick know him well. Me and Nick are two years apart, and he was right between us (in school).”

[From E! Online]

I’m with Brooke on this one. When I was about 22, my mom, who was 43 at the time, started dating a 20 year old guy, and let me tell you, it was weird. She bossed him around like she was his mother and he seemed to like it. It gave me the willies just to hang out with them. Thankfully, my mom got it out of her system. If the guy had resembled my brother- the way this kid resembles Nick Hogan- it would have been even weirder. Add to that the fact that her dad is dating a younger woman who looks a lot like Brooke herself, and this family is just plain creepy.

Brooke Hogan and “Charlie” are shown on 5/31/08 on the dance floor at the Palms Place opening, thanks to Splash.

The Hogan family really didn’t make the most of their time on reality televsision. Instead of focusing on Brooke’s mind-numbingly boring music career, they instead should have featured the weird love triangle between Brooke, her father and her best friend. Instead of having some petty domestic dispute between Linda and Hulk, they should have had shown his face when he learnt about their divorce from a newspaper calling for comment.

Consistent with her classy behavior in the past, Linda Hogan has been seen out partying with a man young enough to be her incarcerated son.

In an effort to make the Hogan family look even worse, Linda Hogan took her 19-year-old Nick-a-like boytoy to the opening of Palms Place last night!

Our spy says Linda’s prey, Charlie, said the two are just friends — because friends are typically all over each other at the Palms.

TMZ

Does anyone ever fall for the ‘just friends’ line? While people of different genders and ages can be friends, I find it hard to believe that Linda could have made fast friends with a 19-year-old bleached blonde perma-tanned young lad she just met in a club. And then put her hands ‘all over’ him. Unless they’re comparing tanning salons and discussing the best way to cover up dark roots.

The thing that horrifies me the most about the whole thing is that the young man looks quite a bit like Linda’s son Nick, rather like Hulk Hogan’s girlfriend looked like his daughter. I know it’s probably just coincidence, but it creeps me out all the same.

Picture Note by Celebitchy: Linda Hogan and her boytoy, identified as “Charlie,” are shown on 5/31/08 on the dancefloor at the Palms Place opening. That guy is a lot older than 19. He looks like he’s pushing 30 to me at least. Thanks to Splash News for these photos.

Brooke Hogan was involved in a car accident on Sunday, which was caused by another driver who was not a member of her family and resulted in no injuries. Brooke, 20, was driving a 2008 Mercedes with her friend Laura, 23, in the passenger seat. She was in the center lane on a bridge when a 1997 Toyota that was speeding in the right lane lost control while trying to change lanes and smashed into her car, pushing it into the left concrete barrier. Both cars sustained about $3,000 worth of damage. There is no charge against the other driver, but the Florida Highway Patrol is investigating the crash. Brooke’s mother and father, who are going through a divorce, both came to the scene of the accident. [Details from Tampabay.com via WeSmirch]

Not one to miss a chance to dismissively mention the vegetative victim of her brother’s drunken car crash last year, Brooke blogged on her MySpace that she reminded her friend to buckle up, thanks to the important lesson he taught her by ending up comatose. Brooke claims she told her friend to buckle her seatbelt and that she had just put it on when a car slammed into them. The thing that I find most offensive about this entry is the title. Brooke capitalized the “MY” in the “Seatbelts saved MY life today” as if to emphasize that it was John Graziano who was to blame for not wearing a seatbelt. This would be consistent with an earlier statement her family put out that emphasized that John was not wearing a seatbelt, along with Brooke’s now-deleted blog post calling John’s family liars for their tearful testimony at her brother’s trial:

Seatbelts saved MY life today…

What happened to my brother and our friend John was horrible and very hard for both of our families. But I truly believe my brother and John saved My life and my best friends life…. I don’t know if you heard, but my friend and I got into a really bad car accident today ourselves… As I turned on my car I clicked my seatbelt. As we pulled out onto the road, I looked over and realized my friend didn’t have her seatbelt on. I reminded her to put it on and the minute she clicked it, a car crashed into us. It was a horrible car accident, one that most would be severely hurt in, but we had our seatbelts on and they kept us in tight. I have to thank my brother and my best friend John for teaching me an important lesson that saved our lives.

I know that because my family is under a microscope, the turn of unfortunate events are magnified and seem like they just keep on coming…And having everyone watching and commenting on our life is extremely hard. If I could stop it I would because it feels terrible. We try to stay away from it but can’t help that its shoved in our faces. So please, if youre a supporter, please spread the good around cause its nice to have friends when things go awry. And for the haters, Im sure we’re not the only ones you’re hurting. I would hope people are never this mean to you because it makes things so much harder……You’re human and so are we. Nothing different.

[From Brooke Hogan’s MySpace via ONTD]

Brooke Hogan is saying out of one side of her mouth that she wore a seatbelt and that’s why she’s safe as compared to her brother’s Iraq veteran friend who will probably never be able to walk or speak a full sentence in his life again. On the other side of her mouth she’s telling people not to rip on her family, despite giving us more reasons to do so every day. Her brother may be spending eight difficult months in jail, but he will get out again and live very comfortably. Brooke and most likely the rest of her family will never grasp what a horrible crime her brother committed or realize that the insults and criticism hurled at them is like a mosquito bite compared to the pain of losing a family member.

Header photo by Eamonn Kneeshaw for the St. Petersburg Times. Photo below of Brooke out shopping in December thanks to WENN.

When I was 14 I invented a secret boyfriend. We had an awesome time together and did wildly inappropriate things. I’m pretty sure everyone knew I was lying. But I’ll defend that decision to this day. It saved my 14-year-old dignity (or so I thought), and I didn’t actually do any of those wild things. I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what’s going on with Brooke Hogan, who apparently has had a secret boyfriend for several years - and they’re now engaged. Brooke, it’s only cute to make up stuff when you’re young and dumb. Just being dumb isn’t’ enough.

The gentleman in question – who appears to have a thing for tranny-looking girls – got down on one knee and asked Brooke Hogan to spend the rest of her life with him. Apparently with all the romance going on in the Hogans’ lives these days, 21-year-old Jonathan Prater thought it was the perfect time to plan a once-in-a-lifetime (theoretically) occasion.

Brooke Hogan is secretly engaged to a choreographer - but they’re trying to keep their happy news under wraps until the dark cloud over the Hogan family dissipates. The Enquirer has learned exclusively that Jonathan Prater, 21, recently dropped to one knee and asked 20-year-old Brooke to marry him - and the “Brooke Hogan Knows Best” stunner said “Yes!”

The couple has been dating off and on for the past few years, but this time the romance has gotten hotter than ever. Even so, Brooke has decided to keep their engagement quiet until brother Nick’s recent felony reckless driving conviction and Hogan divorce controversies are put to rest, sources say.

[an “insider” tells the Enquirer] “With everything going on right now the Hogans feel like it’s not an appropriate time to be celebrating.” The family’s VH1 reality show, “Hogan Knows Bes,” now has been spun off into “Brooke Hogan Knows Best,” and fans can expect to see Brooke sporting a diamond engagement ring at some point.

[From the National Enquirer, June 2, 2008 print ed.]

I have to say, I think this Jonathan Prater character could have timed the engagement a little better. Brooke’s parents are divorcing, her dad cheated on her mom with her good friend, her little brother’s in jail, and she’s reportedly suffering a breakdown. Is now the right time? Really? My only guess as to what the guy was thinking was something along the lines of, “She’s really bummed out. Maybe planning a wedding will distract her.” Or something like that.

The Enquirer also mentions that Hulk threw Nick a big “Going off to jail” party a few days before his sentencing. Look what you’re marrying into Jonathan Prater! I don’t know who the hell you are, but I know you can do better than this.

Stay classy Hogans.

Here’s Brooke at the Broker Boxing Federation event to help raise money for the Alonzo Mourning Charities foundation on April 10th. Images thanks to WENN.

As much as I enjoy rampantly spreading Hogan-family hate, for once I actually feel empathy for them. Or at least one of them. Brooke Hogan is supposedly suffering from an emotional breakdown as the result of younger brother Nick’s incarceration and father Hulk Hogan’s affair with one of Brooke’s former friends.

Hulk Hogan’s 17-year-old son Nick Hogan was recently sentenced to eight months in prison after pleading no contest to charges of reckless driving in an accident that left his close friend critically injured. But friends of the “Hogan Knows Best” family are more concerned about his 20-year-old sister, Brooke Hogan, according to our source.

“She’s suffering the worst of all; she just can’t keep it together and has been hit the hardest,” said the source, adding that Brooke is “extremely sensitive” and her emotions are spiraling out of control. Brooke’s relationship with her father was severely strained after his reported infidelity with her former friend made news in February.

While our source said that Nick’s arrest has “brought them a little closer to reconciliation,” it’s not the case for Hulk and his wife, Linda. The estranged couple appeared together at Nick’s hearing on May 9, where Linda even flashed her wedding ring, apparently for the first time since news of the reported affair broke.

“Basically they were trying to put their best foot forward and fake a public image of unity and support for their son,” our insider said. “He [Hulk] is a very astute businessman and very good at playing the media — he even admitted in court that their reality show was scripted and not so real after all.”

[From Fox News’ Pop Tarts]

I always found Brooke to be pretty annoying, and lots of blogs have a love affair with mocking her. But of everyone in her family, she’s the one who really hasn’t done anything. Her younger brother committed a crime that left another man in a coma and in a quasi-vegetative state likely for the rest of his life. Her father cheated on her mother with Brooke’s friend. Linda Hogan has been videotaped encouraging Nick to drag race… and we all know what that led to.

Brooke certainly hasn’t done anything bad. She’s an easy target, but it seems like her family members are irresponsible and she’s left emotionally exhausted and overwhelmed from it. Hopefully her parents are still able to pay enough attention to her, despite their divorce, to get her some help.

Here’s Brooke and Hulk Hogan at the courthouse on the day of Nick’s sentencing, May 13th. Images thanks to Splash.

Hulk Hogan was hosting the NBC competition American Gladiators when he attempted to entertain the crowd in a break between filming. He put on one of his daughter Brooke’s music videos and was met with boos and calls from the audience to shut it off.

“American Gladiators” host Hulk Hogan bored his studio audience… when he showed them his daughter’s latest music video.

“Boo! Make it stop - please!”

That was the general sentiment of rowdy audience members at the April 13 taping of the NBC show when Brooke’s video played on the jumbo screen during a break.

“We though we’d be entertained by some of the sexy gladiators during breaks in filming, but instead, we got a snooze fest,” grumbled an audience member.

“This horrible music started playing, and then the video of this ‘wannabe Britney’ appeared on the jumbo screen. Everyone in the place looked confused….

“When we realized Hulk was just trying to promote Brooke’s new record, people started shouting, ‘Stop the music, Hulk. Please turn it off!’” said a source.

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, May 12, 2008]

The news came out last week that Brooke Hogan was denied admission to three universities in Florida over concerns that her “Hogan Knows Best” reality show would be filming on campus. At least she has her music career to fall back if she has trouble getting an education.

Here’s one of Brooke Hogan’s music videos, “Everything To Me.” It may not be the one that angered the American Gladiator crowd, but it’s pretty painful:

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s Brooke Hogan and Ashley Menendez at the BBF (Broker Boxing Federation) Miami at Mansion nightclub in Miami Beach on April 10th. Images thanks to WENN.

A lot of people would probably like to ban Brooke Hogan from being within 100 yards of them. I sure would. Imagine if the whole world could get a restraining order against her. How glorious that would be. Well three Florida universities have managed to ban her – or at least deny her admission to their fine academic halls. I know, I’m jealous too. I wish I could not just ban Brooke from places but also banish her to places – several volcanic, deserted islands come to mind.

Brooke, 19, wants to film her family’s crap-ass reality show Hogan Knows Best on campus – and in the classroom - thus totally disrupting the lives of the thousands of other students for her benefit. Luckily the first three schools she applied to were smart enough to say no.

Hoping to film the VH1 reality show Hogan Knows Best with a nine-camera-wielding production team, the young member of the wrestler’s family was denied admission at those institutions [the University of South Florida, Florida State University and the University of Central Florida] out of concerns that she and her crew might disrupt the others students’ academic lives, the Palm Beach Post reports.

The upshot was, on Tuesday and Wednesday, Hogan (real name: Brooke Ellen Bollea) went to the southeast coast of the Sunshine State and toured the campus of Florida Atlantic University – where she met with Student Government president Tony Teixeira and sorority and fraternity members, as well as tooled around the grounds on two golf carts hired by the show.

No decision has been made regarding Hogan’s permission to film on campus – or even if she’ll be admitted as a student, says the newspaper, which does quote FAU spokeswoman Kristine McGrath as saying, “The university would not agree to an arrangement that would be disruptive to the academic setting.”

[From People]

All three of the universities that declined to accept Brooke said they declined to accept her because they don’t want a show filmed on their campus and in their classrooms. But here’s what confuses me: if Brooke applied to these schools and had grades good enough to get in, wouldn’t she have been accepted – but just told that she couldn’t film there? Something makes me think this is just some PR on the part of the Hogan family to cover up for Brooke not getting accepted into all three schools that she’s been blabbing about.

Here’s Brooke Hogan about to bust out of her top in a super classy dress at the Grammys on February 10th. Does she really look 19 to you? Images thanks to PR Photos.

Hulk Hogan and his daughter, Brooke. The woman Hogan allegedly cheated with is Brooke’s best friend, but is not as young as his daughter and is 33
Wow, just when I thought the Hogan family couldn’t sink any lower, reports have surfaced that Hulk Hogan, aka Terry Bollea, began an affair with a 33-year-old woman over a year ago– and the woman is one of his daughter Brooke’s best friends. Christiane Plante, who helped Brooke Hogan with her pop album and was close with the family, admitted to the National Enquirer that she began an affair with the former wrestler a year ago. She claims that Hulk and wife Linda Bollea were already separated by then and were only staying together for the TV cameras.

“My relationship with Terry [Hulk Hogan] began at a time when Terry and Linda privately knew their marriage was ending. She had left him already, although no official papers had been filed. Terry is a good man, good father and a good friend, and he and I grew close at a time when he was going through a very difficult period. It seemed right then, but I know it was wrong. Having felt the guilt and pain build up, I gave a note to Brooke apologizing for my actions. I will never be able to fully forgive myself for this. I have lost an amazing friend.”

[From National Enquirer, print edition, March 10, 2008 as found on The Post Chronicle]

Brooke Hogan blogged about the situation earlier in the week, but the blog has since been taken down.

It should be noted that Linda Bollea did not file for separation from the Hulkster until Nov. 20, 2007. While it is entirely possible that the couple stayed together to salvage their hideous VH1 reality show, it doesn’t change the fact that legally and publicly, Hulk was very much a married man at the time of this relationship.

For once, I actually kind of feel sorry for Brooke. It’s bad enough that her parents are completely dysfunctional human beings and terrible role models through their selfish, narcissistic behavior– but now it seems she can’t even trust her own best friend. This whole thing has to hurt.

Note: I tried to find a photo of this Plante woman, but she’s done a good job of staying under the radar until now. I’m still trying to figure out what motivated her to go to the Enquirer– I have a few gue$$e$, but I’m $till $peculating.

The current drama with the Hogan family is proof that Karma really is a bitch. And like any other form of justice, it’s best when it’s sure and swift. Though Linda Hogan, 48, just filed for divorce last week, it turns out the couple has been separated for several months. Given that fact, it’s weird that Hulk Hogan publicly professed surprise at the divorce papers.

Either way, the Hulk is pissed. He’s going to fight Linda on alimony and child support. Their loser son Nick is still 17, so technically Linda could get some child support if Nick lived with her. Hulk says Linda is able to support herself, and notes that they have two houses and their liabilities should be divided equally between the pair. I wonder if that includes the legal liability the family will be facing when John Graziano’s parents sue them for the car crash Nick caused that turned Graziano into a vegetable?

In the court filing, Terry Bollea, 54, contested everything from his wife’s alimony and custody claims to the couple’s marriage date. Linda Bollea’s petition lists it as Dec. 12, 1983, while Terry Bollea says it was Dec. 18. Terry Bollea had it right: Public records show they were married Dec. 18, 1983. According to court documents, Terry and Linda Bollea separated about a month after their son Nick’s Aug. 26 car wreck, which critically injured his friend and passenger, John Graziano.

Linda Bollea, 48, is seeking an unspecified amount of alimony and child support. She also wants custody of their son, subject to “liberal visitation” with his father. But in his counter-claim, Terry Bollea said his wife is capable of supporting herself and helping support their son, 17, who will be a minor until July. The petition also says Nick Bollea is old enough to decide with whom he will live and that “it would be in the best interest for the parties to have shared parental responsibility.”

[From the St. Petersburg Times]

I love that quote about “shared parental responsibility.” That implies that they have some parental responsibility, which they clearly don’t. Unless they’re planning on starting it now, I doubt that makes a bit of difference. I hope they both lose their shirts when the Grazianos sue them, and then they won’t have to argue about alimony and division of assets – just division of debt.