Kate Gosselin somehow scored the cover of People Magazine, yet again, to sell her lie of a “single mother, working for my kids” schtick that’s as hackneyed and easy to see through as Lindsay Lohan’s “I just want to focus on my work” mantra. This just goes to show how totally out of touch People Magazine is. Last year, this nasty bitch got at least four People covers. (That I can find.) You would think she would have sealed her fate with the American public by showing her true, petty colors on Dancing with The Stars, but she’s still in the good graces of someone at People and I hope they pay for it with pitifully low sales this week. Maybe they figure the cute kids will make up for Kate’s face.

Kate Gosselin’s long-time TLC show Kate Plus 8 has been canceled, and she’s the first to admit that the transition from reality star to regular mom isn’t going to be an easy one.

“I’m freaking out. Big time,” she tells PEOPLE in the new issue.

Her kids, twins Cara and Mady, and sextuplets Alexis, Hannah, Aaden, Collin, Leah and Joel “weren’t ready,” to leave the show, which has been airing since 2005, she adds. “Nobody was. I’ve never quit a job in my life without having something else lined up. I don’t know what’s next.”

But Gosselin, 36, whose messy divorce from husband Jon played out in the tabloids – and on TV – in 2009, vows to work hard to keep the lifestyle she’s provided for her kids.

“I told them I will work my fingers to the bone to make sure that they can stay here and go to their school,” she says. “There are no guarantees in life for anyone, but they know that I’m giving it my best shot.”

The final episode of Kate Plus 8 airs Sept. 12 on TLC.

[From People]

Kate has no idea what it means to work her “fingers to the bone.” She’s been making “ends meet” by wagging her fingers, barking orders at people and spending more time on personal grooming than she’s ever bothered to spend with her kids. I have no sympathy for this wench whatsoever. She made a reported $500,000 on Dancing With The Stars. Her take last year was estimated to be around $1 million, but was probably much higher since she was reported to make $250,000 an episode for Kate Plus 8 and there were 17 episodes this season. With some careful planning, that money could last for years. Instead she’s been living the high life, acting like a spoiled teenager, and is now “scared” that her money won’t last. She should have thought of that a long time ago.

I guess there’s a spoiler in the title, but since I have no respect whatsoever for Kate Plus 8 I’ll let it slide. The final episodes of Kate Plus 8 are airing on TLC now, with the series to wrap up forever next week. It’s been cancelled, and Kate will surely hustle and try to scrunch up her sour face into a semblance of a smile to squeeze whatever cash she can out of the public. There’s not much good will left for her now, and she’s pissing away the few fans she has left with her nasty behavior on the show. On the second to last episode, which aired last night, Kate bitched out her best friend and also the nanny for eating some pizza she had saved for the bodyguard Steve, who is rumored to be sleeping with her when he can stand her. The nanny got so fed up she left the road trip that the family was on. It’s unclear to me whether she quit or not, but I’m assuming so. ABC has a clip of Kate freaking out, that’s above, and below is a promo for the show in which we see the nanny Ashley crying and packing up. Here’s a recap:

The drama of the Gosselin family RV trip doesn’t stop until the end of the episode. When the new RV won’t start, Kate accuses the Kate Plus 8 crew of rigging the RVs. Of course, that isn’t the case. It is just some bad luck for Kate and her caravan.

When it is discovered that one of the kids is eating pizza, Kate blows up. She says there were only four slices of pizza left from the night before and those were earmarked for the adults. When the two ladies from the Party Bus note that they don’t want the pizza, she tells them that the pizza should go to Steve, who doesn’t eat mac-n-cheese or salad. She claims that the kid eating the pizza ruined lunch for everyone and now Steve doesn’t have anything to eat.

She tells the women in the bus to get Steve a piece of the remaining slices of pizza. Mady grabs the pizza and hands it to Steve. Kate promptly starts in again about how it is ‘disgusting’ for Mady to grab the pizza and that one of the adults should have wrapped it in foil instead of letting Mady grab it with her ‘dirty’ hands. This upsets Ashley, who has a breakdown. Frankly, it is surprising that she has lasted this long without a serious breakdown considering the way Kate has treated her and Jamie like children the entire trip.

Ashley remarks that everyone has enough food to eat because the two refrigerators are so stuffed that it is difficult to close them. Seriously? Like Kate couldn’t just run in at a store or a fast food restaurant to grab food for the people with her on the trip.

The whole incident was just the icing on the cake for poor Ashley. She notes that she has worked for Kate for five years and that this is the worst it has ever been. The Kate Plus 8 staff members send Ashley home. She has a sad goodbye scene with the kids. She reminds them that she loves them all and that she will see them again. It was a touching scene, and hopefully when Kate sees it, she will realize what a gem she had in Ashley. For the kids’ sake, Kate should apologize to Ashley and hope that Ashley will come back.

On her Twitter page, Kate tweets that she didn’t know Ashley was leaving. She says she was in her RV doing an interview. That is probably one of the smartest things the producers of Kate Plus 8 have ever done. Can you imagine the dramatic scene that would have unfolded if Kate had been there? It probably would have been much worse than any ever seen on this show.

The end of the episode finds the kids somewhat happy and the adults happy that the two-week trip is done.

[From Gather]

Does this mean that vile Kate is going to have to downsize her lifestyle now that her show is no longer going to be on the air? Also, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: If this is how she is when the cameras are rolling, consider what a nasty mean bitch she must be when she’s not being filmed. It’s exploitative for her kids to live with cameras like that, but consider the alternative for them. Her kids have got to be living in total fear.

Remember the several month period in 2009 when everyone thought that Jon Gosselin was the party at fault since he was publicly running around with all those coeds? Kate’s bitchiness trumps his douche factor several fold.

I’m really getting burnt out on the Kardashians. It’s like a constant barrage of inane news about these twits, all converging to push their latest crappy products in our weary faces. So I’m torn on whether to even report on them today, but part of me still yearns to mock them. Kaiser calls them “gossip junk food,” and that really captures the sick-to-my-stomach feeling I get when I read too much about them, but here goes.

First we have a photo shoot they did with Annie Leibovitz to promote their new clothing line with Sears. The resulting lingerie promo photo, above, looks pieced together and Photoshopped to hell. They look like plastic dolls, basically. It also looks like someone did something to Kim’s face to highlight it so she stands out from her sisters. There’s a video of the moments they captured the raw footage for some of this mess. (Also above.) My favorite part is when Khloe looks sexy-scared. Here’s a screenshot of that moment.

Also, in the video Khloe looks like a total giant compared to her sisters. She towers over them and is about a head taller than Kim. Here’s a screenshot of that:

The ad photo shows Khloe as only a smidgen taller than Kim though. Ridiculous.

This is just what they do every day. They show up for stuff, try to act like they know fashion and styling, and put on their best sexy faces to sell stuff. Then some kid works some heavy-handed, very obvious Photoshop magic to try and make them look like “models.” It would be funny if it wasn’t so predictable.

In news about the Kardashians that’s easier to cover, Kim’s new husband-of-the-moment, Kris Humphries, had an awkward run-in with her sex tape partner, Ray J, in the first class cabin of a recent flight. Kris tried to act like he didn’t know who Ray J. was, but Ray J. called him out on it.

Also, yesterday I mentioned Kim’s really obnoxious cliche honeymoon photos in US Weekly. It gets better. There’s video, in which Kris plays grab-ass. The comparisons to her sex tape just write themselves.

Here’s Kim out yesterday in a hideous belted shirtdress in a jarring pattern that I wouldn’t even display as a hand towel. Kourtney looks slightly better in that full cobalt skirt and lace shirt, but check out her makeup!

Photo credit: Fame

Hayden Panettiere is apparently making appearances at conventions and charging fans $30 a pop for her autograph and $45 to take a picture. I guess this is standard procedure at this kind of event, but the Daily Mail went after her for it and questioned whether she needed the money and if this signified that her career is in the sh*tter. It wasn’t a bad question given the circumstances, and I’ve rarely heard a good word about Hayden or her attitude so she’s fair game in my book. Eliza Dushku penned an open letter to the Mail on her official blog in response to the article, slamming them for questioning Hayden but not signing their full name to the story or something. It didn’t make sense to me, because that was one of the milder editorials I’ve seen in that rag. Here’s Eliza’s letter:

Dear Sir,

I write to you because the piece of your paper that concerns me was anonymous. The piece was 27th August titled “Are times that tough Hayden?” ridiculing and attacking the actor Hayden Panettiere for participating in a Toronto Expo fan gathering where fans are charged money (Oh shock! Oh shame!) in exchange for autographs, signed pictures, and the chance for a bit of face time with their favorite celebrity.

My dear editor, how does Hayden’s action differ from what you do for much of the content of your “news” paper? There we have celebrities exchanging their name (sometimes willy-nilly, no permission asked), their time, and their pictures in exchange for a bit of publicity for their work. At least the fan shows (such as the current Toronto Expo one) are honest and up front about the exchange. In addition, at these shows both fans and celebrities get some precious small contact with each other as real people. Your paper does not provide that value.

Yes, you will have to tell me where you think you get off attempting to diminish a young actor who is attempting to reach out to fans in one of the only practical ways provided by the entertainment industry, an industry your paper is a part of and largely dependent on.

It is particularly shoddy that the author scoffs at Hayden’s lack of “Harry Potter” or “Spiderman” fame while leaving himself unnamed as “Daily Mail Reporter.” Talk about being a parasite! Does Daily Mail Reporter want to shoot down Hayden’s career, just at it’s beginning, and then take a salary for doing so. Seriously, Sir, for shame.

[From Eliza Dushku's blog via SFX, ONTD]

Yes the Daily Mail sucks, but it does seem ridiculous to charge $30 to $45 just to meet a minor celebrity from a television show. I think I know why Eliza is defending Hayden so staunchly. Eliza was at that exact same Fan Expo in Toronto signing for cash. I can’t verify how much she charged there, but she was charging $50 for fans to take a photo with her at a convention last year. So she’s all “this is common practice and you’re just as bad” while never admitting that she does the exact same thing and that’s why she’s taking this article so personally. I guess you have to do what you have to do when you’ve got a mortgage and car payments and your last steady television gig was canceled over a year ago.

Photo credit: WENN.com

Radar Online has a kind of heartwarming article about Britney Spears and how she’s grateful to her father for stepping in and saving her career and life with that conservatorship following her breakdown. It’s a nice reminder of how far Britney has come since she was carted away by ambulance in early 2008 and placed on a 5150 hold. I was blogging back then and I remember following her bizarre behavior closely. She was overmedicated, in my office chair physician’s opinion, and she needed someone to make sure she was on the right dosage and drugs for her condition. Her most talked about incidents at the time were when she shaved her head and later went after a paparazzo with an umbrella, but she also just used to drive around aimlessly, speak in a British accent and sit on the curb outside her house crying and fight with that evil dude who was trying to control her, Sam Lutfi.

After Britney’s dad took over there were plenty of stories that she resented it and just wanted some freedom, but she supposedly now knows that it was the best thing for her. Radar also reports that Britney’s beau, Jason Trawick, wants to propose but is waiting for the right time. The conservatorship could be lifted next year. Here’s more:

Jamie became Britney’s conservator almost three years ago, after a series of very public meltdowns by his troubled daughter, who has since turned her life around and is back on track and back on top.

“Britney now recognizes that if her father hadn’t stepped in and taken the action that he had, well…. Britney is now crediting Jamie for saving her life,” an insider tells RadarOnline.com. “Britney is on top of the world right now. She is getting ready for the next leg of her world tour, which will be on September 22 in Moscow. Her father will be with her for some of the European performances, along with her mom.

“Britney’s relationship with her dad is in a very, very good place now. She was extremely emotional backstage before leaving for the VMAs and kept telling her daddy how much she loves him.”

Three years ago, Britney had a now infamous and much ridiculed performance at the VMAs in which she appeared out of shape and unable to perform her signature dance moves.

“Britney always knew she would have a comeback. She just didn’t know it was going to be on this level,” the source reveals.

Meanwhile, there will be a routine hearing for Britney’s conservatorship on Tuesday morning to deal with accounting issues. “After Britney’s tour concludes, which will be at the end of this year, her doctors and advisers are going to meet and confer about how much longer the conservatorship should go on for,” the source tells RadarOnline.com.

“There is a very good chance that a decision could be made to pull the plug in early 2012.

“It’s likely that Britney’s business affairs will still remain under control of the conservatorship though, even if they determine that she no longer needs it for herself personally. The idea is that this will be a gradual transition for Britney to return to her life, on her own.”

Britney might also have another reason to celebrate in the new year.

“Jason (Trawick) is very, very serious about Britney,” the source shares. “Jason has made it known that he wants to marry Britney. It’s just a matter of timing of the engagement — and if the conservatorship is lifted off Britney personally, well, it makes it a lot easier for Jason to propose. He doesn’t want her to feel pressured, it will happen when the time is right.”

[From Radar Online]

Does she really need to remarry? I mean I’m happy for her and everything but maybe she should be on her own, legally, for some time before she takes on another husband. Given Britney and Jason’s storied history, it just doesn’t seem like a great idea for them to marry, or for Britney to marry in general.

Getting back to the conservatorship issue, it’s so nice to see Britney doing well and having completed two successful big tours after her very serious, very publicized problems. I would actually love to see Lindsay Lohan get clean and have a minor comeback of sorts. (Nothing too major, just enough to show she’s sober and totally embarrassed about her past.) Yes she’s awful and entitled and addicted, but it’s sad that there’s no one in her life who would help her, like Britney’s dad did, to get sober without trying to exploit her.

photo credit: WENN.com

Remember when there was a huge controversy over then 15 year-old Miley Cyrus posing for Annie Liebowitz in Vanity Fair while wearing just a sheet? Everyone dissected the situation and questioned how her parents could leave her alone long enough for the famed photographer to get those too-sexy shots. Fast forward a few years and Miley is making provocative videos, she’s wearing revealing performance outfits, she’s getting tattoos and she’s regularly going out in sheer tops without a bra. Oh and I almost forgot that she was videotaped smoking a bong!

She’s 18 now so it doesn’t seem like it’s a big deal given her industry, but her new image may be costing her millions. Fox News interviewed a bunch of media experts who presumably analyzed Miley’s CD sales and came to the conclusion that she’s alienated her young fan base. She’s come a long way since Hannah Montana and it’s costing her.

““Few entertainers can transition, and Ron Howard did, from lovable child actor in ‘The Andy Griffith Show’ to memorable adult actor in ‘Happy Days’ and ‘American Graffiti,’ to award-winning director of ‘Apollo 13,’” Jason Maloni, crisis communication expert at Levick Strategic Communications told FOX411’s Pop Tarts column.

“Miley Cyrus should aspire to be on that level and the first step is hard work. Unfortunately, it seems she isn’t far from the path many young adults follow: exploring adulthood; testing the boundaries around them; and flirting with danger through reckless behavior. “

Moreover, as she tossed her good-girl image in favor of a sexy bad girl, her album and box office sales suggest she also tossed away much of her fan base.

“I believe for the young fans who have grown up with her, while she is trying to assert her independence, she is alienating this one-time target audience,” explained Michelle Groover, Public Relations Professor at Georgia Southern University.

“With ‘Hannah Montana’ still airing on ABC Saturday mornings, her fans are confused by what they see on the program with what they see on an entertainment website, a magazine they see and/or hear their parents discuss. Many of her fans are too young to understand the difference between the actress as a real person and the role she plays on the show.”

A rep for Cyrus declined to comment.

Still, Maloni argues that Cyrus still has time to become as successful as a woman as she was as a child.

“The road ahead for Miley is to master her craft. Whether her future lay in music or acting, she needs to be studying at the feet of the best producers and directors there are, and also, watching the older artists and performers around her to learn from their mistakes as well as their successes.

“At this point, Miley could be a flame, or flame out ,” he added.

[From Fox News via ONTD]

Miley was given free reign to do whatever she wanted with her career post-Disney. I remember when she bragged that the bizarre bird video for “Can’t be Tamed,” which looked more awkward than sexy, was her idea. Let’s face it, though, she was due for a career leveling out after Hannah Montana ended anyway. Without a Disney platform it’s so much harder to get constant exposure. It doesn’t help that she veered so far away from her old image that she’s now flashing kids who come to her concerts. I wouldn’t want my kid seeing that. Her fan base used to be tweens and it’s not like she’s cool enough for the 15 year-old and up crowd.

I didn’t go looking for these pictures. They’re some of the most recent of Miley on her Gypsy Heart Tour in Perth, Australia on 7-3-11. Photo credit: WENN.com

This is a somewhat amusing story about Octomom’s attempts to make money that she can immediately blow on personal care and plastic surgery without bothering to pay her bills at all. Nadya Suleman left her 14 kids at home in the care of who-knows since she claims she doesn’t have any nannies left. (We know how much her word is worth, though, just about as much money as she has to her name.) She did a celebrity boxing tournament in Florida against a local female bartender. The bartender had the upper hand, so Octo left before the end of the final round, telling everyone to F off, flipping the double bird and leaving for her hotel room. Then she came back and accepted victory for the match with no sense of shame whatsoever.

Suleman tore off her boxing gloves a few seconds before the end of the fight’s final round and ran from the room, repeatedly jabbing the air with a pair of upraised middle fingers in what she apparently misunderstood to be a traditional boxing victory salute…

Suleman… was set to box Cassandra Andersen, a bartender at a Broward strip club.

The match — held in a room off the lobby of the Ocean Manor Resort in Fort Lauderdale, before a crowd of perhaps three dozen that was probably outnumbered by reporters and photographers — was fought with soft, Incredible Hulk-size boxing gloves that seemed guaranteed to keep anybody from getting hurt or even annoyed.

But an authentic Mean Grrrrl energy erupted when the two grimacing women charged out of their corners, punching as best they could and shoving, choking and head-butting with an impressive bloodlust.

It was all apparently too much for Suleman, who fled up the hotel stairs to her room after her ignominious exit. “I think she was mad ’cause she was getting beat up,” helpfully explained her opponent, the 25 year-old Andersen, who was invited to fight because Feldman was impressed by the way she threw him out of her bar.

“So she said ‘[bleep] you’ to everybody and ran off.”

The fight’s “judges” (a collection of models and bartenders) disagreed, awarding the victory to Suleman as the crowd — including some of the reporters — booed.

After cooling off in her hotel room for a few minutes, Suleman returned to explain that she had run off because the fight was over, and she had given the middle-finger salute because she was hungry. (The nuances of upraised middle fingers are, it seems, virtually endless.)

“The fight was over,” Feldman agreed. “Or almost over.”

The fight might have been even more violent if Suleman had been allowed to throw punches at herself in a mirror. “I really want to beat up the Octomom!” she shouted at a quickie pre-bout press conference when asked who she planned to fight next. “I hate that name…IT’s not me, it’s something the [bleeping] media made up and I [bleeping] hate it!”

For somebody who bleeping hates the media, however, Suleman was awfully cooperative, shedding her warm-up jacket to reveal a low-cut tank top as barbarous paparazzi chanted “Take it off!” She didn’t stop there, pulling her trunks down nearly to the promised land at the suggestion of her manager Gina Rodriguez. (Who also handles various ex-Tiger-Woods mistresses, make of it what you will.)

[From The Miami Herald via Radar Online]

I love that less than 40 people showed up and even the reporters booed the fact that Octo was named victor when she was nothing more than a sore loser.

It’s worth noting that Octo’s manager, Gina Rodriguez, is a former mistress of David Boreanaz and arranged the 2010 stripper mistress tour featuring other mistresses of famous guys. It’s not that much of a leap to assume that Gina does some side work for clients. So we know what’s next for Octo, if it’s not already happening. Plus she has plenty of experience stripping, although she claims that she only stripped for one night, for a “contest.” Just like she claimed she only had 6 embryos implanted, and just like she swore she’s never been on welfare and hasn’t had plastic surgery.

Update with warning: Octo also showed off her stomach and claimed that it’s evidence she hasn’t had plastic surgery. You can see those photos on TMZ but warning they’re nasty.

Guess who else was there?

Photo credit: WENN.com

Jennifer Love Hewitt needs to take a step back, erase the paparazzi numbers from her contact list, and stop tweeting for a little while. When it comes to overexposure she’s headed toward Kardashian territory, but maybe that’s what she’s aiming for. There’s a kind of currency in splashing your name and picture all over everything, and she could be hoping to parlay that into side opportunities like a perfume and/or clothing line. It truly doesn’t matter how poorly a celebrity dresses, (and J.Love often takes the cake) as long as they’re well known enough to market the crap a third world worker pastes their name on.

In the latest news about J.Love, she told Ryan Seacrest that it’s not true that she flew out to meet Bachelorette runner-up Ben Flajnik right after tweeting him. She claims that it was all a coincidence that she first tweeted Ben and then was seen out with him at a bar where they met totally by chance. Mmmhmm.

During the show’s August 1 finale, Hewitt, 32, tweeted that she needed to “book a flight to Sonoma,” which is where Flajnik lives and works. The actress explained her cyber-flirting to Seacrest, saying: “I was looking for something pop culture to tweet about… Things got blown out of proportion… I have nothing to say except I’m totally single!”

Seacrest’s cohost, Ellen K., asked the Can’t Hardly Wait Star: “Did you make out with [Ben]?”

Hewitt laughingly answered that “Rumors are rumors… We did meet, but totally by coincidence.”

An eyewitness told Us Weekly, however, that Flajnik initially stopped by Lion’s Pub in San Francisco with Giants player Cody Ross, but he made a beeline for Hewitt after spotting her across the room. “It seemed like a first date, but he wasn’t overly affectionate,” the source added.

Hewitt told Seacrest the duo just happened to be at the same place at the same time.

If the actress is interested, she better make her move. An insider told Us that Flajnik “is the favorite with the women trying out for [The Bachelor] and the crew” and might be back on reality TV soon.

[From US Weekly]

So Hewitt tweeted Ben on August 2nd and then just “happened” to run into him at a bar on August 6th. I’m not buying it, and this kind of makes me wonder what else she could have been fibbing about. Back in 2008, Hewitt claimed that an US Weekly cover story about her weight loss was a total surprise to her and that US went to her personal trainer and did the cover without her involvement. I believed her at the time, but now I’m not so sure. It’s always possible that she was telling the truth in that instance while trying to save face with this bogus story though. (Or maybe both stories are true, who knows.)

I still sort-of like her though. She doesn’t seem that manipulative to me and she’s seeking validation in a very transparent way. Plus she seems nice and that goes far with me, no matter what games she’s playing or how obvious she is.

The header photo is outside Barneys just yesterday the blue bra photo below is from Tuesday.

Photo credit: WENN and Fame

The last time we heard from Kate Gosselin, she was on the Today Show a couple of weeks ago to promote her TLC series Kate Plus 8. Kate said at the time that if her show had been canceled she wasn’t aware of it. She also gave some boring quotes about how her kids were hoping she’d remarry but that she hadn’t really dated anyone after her divorce. (Apart from boning the married security guard and lying about it.) We usually report on Kate because we’ve followed her over the years and it’s so easy to snark on her, but I didn’t even bother covering that interview. It looks like everyone else is over Kate too, because the show she stars in with her kids has been canceled.

Kate Gosselin’s days as a reality star are done for now.

TLC – the network that gave viewers a firsthand glimpse of Kate’s tumultuous and highly publicized split from ex-husband Jon Gosselin while they continued to raise their eight children – will no longer follow the 36-year-old and her brood with cameras.

“TLC has decided not to renew another season of Kate Plus 8,” a network rep told PEOPLE in a statement. “By the end of this season Kate Plus 8 will have hit the 150 episode mark (including Jon & Kate Plus 8); an exceptional milestone. TLC hopes to check in with Kate and the family periodically with specials in the future.”

[From People]

Kate needed to step up her game if she wanted to keep her show on the air. She can’t just talk about wanting to date someday, she should have had the cameras follow her on actual dates to capture the horrified look on the guys’ faces as they realized what a control freak piece of work she is. What’s next for her and her kids now? She’ll probably try and milk this for as much as she can and go on a speaking tour or something. You know she’s not going to go back to being a nurse. I also assume that she hasn’t saved enough to live on for more than a year, given how expensive her house was and how little savings she had in 2009 when Jon emptied out their accounts. Not that I feel for her at all.

Meanwhile Kate’s ex husband Jon Gosselin has given an interview to Radar saying that he hopes “that this will bring more privacy to my children and that they can get the proper attention they need for any personal issues they might have in the future.” Jon was opposed to having his children on the show, and caused a stink back in 2009 to try and stop production. TLC gave him the legal smack down though and filed suit to prevent him from making money from media appearances. It looks like this family is just about to fade away, and I hope that Kate’s kids have enough good people around them to be able to manage the transition. I’m not saying that they needed to be on camera, just that the crew were probably very attentive to them in a way their mother is not capable of.

After I wrote all that, I saw on Radar that Kate Gosselin has been tweeting up a storm. I’m not going to repeat what she’s written, except to say that the bitch is clinging to fame, hopes to keep her kids on TV, and that she sounds a hell of a lot like LeAnn Rimes.

Kate Gosselin is shown on 8/8/11 (blue dress) and on 5/6/11 (ugly sequin thing). Credit: WENN.com

Kelso is cashing in on Charlie Sheen’s crazy. According to TV Guide, Ashton Kutcher is currently the highest paid sitcom actor at $700,000 an episode. He makes double what Laurence Fishburne did, $350,000 an episode, for his stint on CSI. Kutcher’s salary is still less than Charlie Sheen was pulling, $1.2 million an episode, but it certainly remains substantial. Leads on series usually make less than $150,000. It of course remains to be seen how well Two and Half Men will perform with Ashton at the helm, but he’s cheaper than Charlie at least.

Meanwhile Details has a glowing cover story on Ashton in which they portray him as some kind of tech guru. He seems overrated to me, and I still remember his failed attempt at entering the Internet gossip sphere, his short-lived series in which he tried to punk the celebrity press, and the fact that he hired a PR company that regularly spammed blogs with ads for it. He’s just an actor on Twitter and Facebook, but I have to give him some credit for being interested in technology and following it closely. Ashton also addresses the Twitter flame war he got in with the Village Voice when they called him out for using false numbers to discuss human trafficking. He handles it better than he did before, I’ll say that.

Details: The Village Voice just called you out for citing spurious statistics in your advocacy against child prostitution. You fired back on Twitter that their online adult classifieds constituted “a digital brothel,” then encouraged Disney, Domino’s, and American Airlines to pull their advertising. Is that what you’re talking about?
Ashton Kutcher: I think that was irresponsible journalism on their part, but I don’t want to speak about the company.

Details: Okay. Generally speaking, what is it about platforms like Twitter that allows individuals to take on institutions?
Ashton Kutcher: You can’t just say shit anymore, because people have the ability to speak up. At the same time, with the Village Voice thing, I definitely have to take responsibility for misrepresenting the data. It’s forcing transparency both ways.

Details: The line between online life and real life is getting blurrier. Is that a good thing?
Ashton Kutcher: I wouldn’t bifurcate the two. I wouldn’t say you have an online life and a real life. I think technology is just mapping and organizing what already exists. If you’re an asshole offline, you’re probably an asshole online.

Details: As a celebrity, you’re used to managing the boundary between your public and private selves. Is that something we all have to do now?
Ashton Kutcher: You have to learn to negotiate it, or you can choose not to participate. It’s almost like a manifestation of God. People used to behave morally because they thought God was always watching—in some ways God today is the collective, and the collective is watching.

Details: Sounds kind of creepy. Do you think privacy is overrated?
Ashton Kutcher: I think privacy is valuable. You don’t have to share everything, and it’s healthy to occasionally hit the pause button and ask yourself if you’re oversharing. But at the end of the day, if you’re not doing anything wrong you don’t have anything to hide.

Details: What do you think is coming that will blow our minds five or ten years from now?
Ashton Kutcher: I think the big next wave will be wearable technologies. Your phone will be your true PC, and these technologies will act as your mouse and keyboard. You’ll have a high-fashion bracelet that will perform functions for you—it’ll track your health, your movement, your sleep, your activity—and by wearing a couple of rings, you’ll be able to type in the air or take pictures with your fingers. There’ll be a device that will track your eye movement, whether it’s an earpiece with a camera or a necklace that can project and record. That Tom Cruise movie, Minority Report, got a lot of it right from what I’ve seen.

Details: What about old media? You’re returning to television soon, taking over for Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men. Who’s your character going to be?
Ashton Kutcher: It’s somewhere between an alien and Jesus Christ, but I can’t be more specific than that.

Details: Have you talked with Charlie about filling his old job?
Ashton Kutcher: I don’t know him. I’ve never met him in my life. But, you know, he sent me congratulations and wished me well. Via Twitter.

[From Details]

I think Ashton is off about wearable technology. His description of rings that allow you to type in the air sounds ridiculous, like it might be technically possible but I doubt that people will want to type in the air using some kind of ring. I agree that computers and smart phones will get smaller and more portable. In terms of the Minority Report comparison, remember those little spider camera things in that movie? We’re getting close to that with drone technology now, which is basically just sticking a smart phone on to a remote controlled devices.

That was really weird the way he claimed God was “the collective.” Ashton is a member of the Kabbalah cult, which is a paid-for distorted version of the Jewish mystic religion. That could be where he got that concept of God as everything and everyone. Is he saying that his moral behavior is partially due to the fact that he can so easily get busted as a celebrity? I’m probably giving him too much credit.

Ashton still seems dim to me and in no way worth $700k an episode, but it’s not like Charlie Sheen deserved over a million an episode either.

Oh in terms of that Details cover it looks ‘shopped into oblivion to me. There are no lines whatsoever on Ashton’s face. Kaiser thinks he looks hot without the beard though.