I know many of you think of me as an awful, rude and terrible person/bitch/c-bomb. It’s true, I am. But I do actually try to avoid making fun of people for things that I feel they can’t help. Like, I’ll make fun of someone’s hair or their makeup or their clothes, because those are the things that can be changed, and those are the CHOICES that people make. But when I saw these photos of LeAnn Rimes at the premiere of Re: Generation Music Project, my first reaction was “Oh dear God, THAT FACE.” Of course, much of the problem is LeAnn’s styling. Many of you think she’s flat-out hideous, but I think LeAnn can actually look cute when she’s styled properly (and when she eats solids). This hair and this makeup accentuates all of LeAnn’s problem areas, though. Plus, the lighting must have been bad because she just looks extra squinty. It’s all-around awful.
That’s not all – LeAnn appeared on Chelsea Lately last night and this outfit was even worse. WHY would LeAnn wear a keyhole dress that shows off her sketchy bolt-ons? As for the actual interview – Chelsea has talked crap about LeAnn in the past, but now they’re buddy-buddy. LeAnn talks about her weight, of course, claiming that she’s only lost her “baby fat”. I have to say… Chelsea was really nice to her. I guess Chelsea is fine with homewreckers as long as they’re named “Jennifer Aniston” and “LeAnn Rimes” and they come on her show.
Chelsea Handler covers the new issue of Redbook, for some reason. Blah. I guess she’s promoting her E! show, and maybe her NBC show with Laura Prepon. How’s that show doing? The commercials for it look absolutely terrible. Like, I actually wince. I’m not saying that every TV show has to have a “likeable” main character (in fact, it’s more interesting if the lead is not likeable), but shouldn’t the main character – who is based on Chelsea – be interesting enough to want to follow? Isn’t that the crux of good writing? You want to see what happens, you want to follow those characters. With a character based on Chelsea, you know what happens. She gets drunk. She makes tasteless jokes about her vadge. Rinse and repeat.
Anyway, about the Redbook interview. She’s full of it. She’s still talking about her BFF Jennifer Aniston and how tight they are. She’s also trying to become some advocate for anti-bullying I guess. This is the woman who ranted and raved about Angelina being a “f–king c–t” and “f–king bitch” and makes racist “jokes” about children. Yes, Chelsea is such an amazing anti-bullying role model. And did she mention she’s BFFs with ANISTON?!!?!?
Thanksgiving with Aniston: “Jen and Justin came to my house for Thanksgiving with 18 of my staff members. And so what?”
BFFs with Aniston and Reese Witherspoon too: “I mean, Jennifer Aniston is one of the most down to earth, low-key people I know. She’s just a regular girl. And Reese is the same way. I mean you can’t have friendships that aren’t based on realness. I’m not going to treat them any differently than I would any other of my friends.”
Women have to stick together: “I read this cheesy quote once: ‘Blowing out someone else’s candle doesn’t make yours glow brighter.’ We women have to stick together. People ask me why I’m so hard on men. It’s because they’ve gotten a really easy ride. And it’s not that I think women should take over the world. But I do think it should be 50/50. I’m very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter. I like having a fraternity. I like girls and boys together, misfits and underdogs—I love underdogs. I was an underdog. I’ve always felt bad for the girl who was left out.”
On 50 Cent: “I wasn’t like ‘Oh, I’m going to marry 50 Cent…’ I mean, seriously. But I did like him. He’s very sweet and antithetical to what you’d think of him. I bought [my Bentley] when I was dating 50 Cent. He came over with a Ferrari one night, and I’m like Watch this. So I got a Bentley. Meanwhile, he never even bought that Ferrari. He took it on loan. And here I am, Ahhh…I just bought this Bentley.”
The bullied becomes the bully: “I was tortured [in high school], and probably half of it was deserved, but I was bullied—so much so that there were days when I was like, ‘I can’t go to school today.’ I was too scared. They’d call me a dog, and bark at me and say, ‘You’re fat. You’re ugly.’ The girl who used to torture me, the ringleader, showed up backstage at one of my concerts in Newark. I looked at her and said, ‘I know you.’ And she went, [high-pitched voice] ‘Ahhh, I’m so sorry for having tortured you in high school!’ And I said, ‘I’m so over it. Actually, thank you, because you gave me the impetus to be successful.’”
Is she just that lacking in self-awareness, or is this all a game to her? Does she actually know what she’s doing – consciously mean-girling the “bitches” and “c–nts” while proclaiming to be all about the sisterhood, all as some kind of PR game? Or does she not even realize what an enormous hypocritical a–hole she is?
Last night was the LA premiere of This Means War. Reese Witherspoon really, really needs this to be a hit film. Will you see it? I won’t. It just looks awful to me, but I suspect the film will do well. Anyway, Reese is really trying this sexy-bombshell image with yet another too-tight strapless dress. The cut of this Miu Miu dress reminds me of Reese’s Jessica Rabbit look at the Globes. We get it, Reese. You have boobs. Also: I hate her hair these days. She said she got bangs to cover up a forehead scar, and while I understand the idea behind it, the execution leaves something to be desired. The length of the bangs and the length of the rest of her hair, how forcibly “unkempt” it looks these days… it’s not my favorite thing.
And here’s Chelsea Handler at the premiere. Her dress is Elizabeth and James, and it’s not really that flattering on her. I don’t care for mullet dresses or horizontal stripes, though, so maybe that’s throwing me off. I love how busted Chelsea looks even when she’s TRYING.
Here’s Chris Pine. Meh. He’s boringly handsome.
And here’s Tom Hardy and his back-on girlfriend Charlotte Riley. Methinks Charlotte put the Hardy dong on lojack, you know? I would too. That man may have Alfalfa hair and a crazy-man beard, but he is FINE.
This story upsets me. You know how little I think of Chelsea Handler, and how little I think of people who associate with Chelsea. She’s a drunken vortex of Anti-Talent. In the past few years, Chelsea has gotten her vodka-soaked hooks in Jennifer Aniston and Reese Witherspoon – Chelsea and Reese actually worked together in This Means War, with Chelsea’s presence pretty much ruining the trailer (and I would imagine the film as well). So with Reese now infected with L’Handler, and Aniston fully committed to her new BFF/drinking buddy (where is Courteney Cox, by the way?), it seems like Chelsea is still looking to pull more A-listers to The Drunk Side. Her latest victim? Charlize Theron. Nooooooo.
Chelsea Handler is quickly becoming every It Girl’s new BFF. The 36-year-old Chelsea Lately host joined Jennifer Aniston, 42, and Justin Theroux, 40, for dinner at the Sunset Tower Hotel in West Hollywood Thursday, Us Weekly can exclusively confirm.
Shortly after Handler’s arrival, Oscar winner Charlize Theron joined the three stars at their table. “Jen was absolutely cracking up at Chelsea telling a story,” an eyewitness tells Us. “She was clapping her hands and laughing loud enough for the whole restaurant to notice.”
Once Aniston and Theroux took off, Theron, 36, and Handler decided to polish off a few more drinks. “They stayed for about another hour,” according to the eyewitness.
Theron and Handler hit it off so well that the E! comedienne invited the Young Adult star over to her $6 million house in the Holmby Hills area of Bel Air, Calif. for a Super Bowl party on Sunday.
“Charlize and a girlfriend stopped by Gil Turner’s liquor store on the way to the party. They got a big box of Dogfish Head Ale, glasses and two bottles of Belvedere Vodka,” an eyewitness says. “Charlize had so much alcohol to carry, she could barely make it up the driveway!”
Other guests at Handler’s bash included Jenny McCarthy and Chelsea Lately staff members Josh Wolf, Sarah Colonna and Chuy Bravo.
“We started drinking at 3:00 and then it just kept going. By 11:00 I couldn’t even see straight!” Handler recalled on Chelsea Lately Monday. “There was so much food at my house because my brother Roy thinks he’s a chef, and on top of that, people brought food.”
“I never eat when I have people over because I like to entertain and I like to say hello to everyone,” Handler added. “When everyone left I was like, ‘Get out those chicken wings! Get out all the leftovers now!’ Roy was like, ‘Calm down, you lunatic.’”
It sounds like this story is coming directly from Camp Handler – the reference to “Belvedere Vodka” is especially suspicious coming from an unnamed source. Isn’t Chelsea’s life pretty much sponsored by Belvedere Vodka? And Charlize just happened to pick up the same brand of vodka that Chelsea gets paid to endorse? Right. I believe that Charlize and Chelsea hung out, and I believe that Charlize is a good-time girl who likes to party. But I’d like to believe that Charlize is smart enough to realize that hanging out with Chelsea isn’t helping her rep, you know?
Jennifer Aniston is still on womb-watch, although I really thought most tabloids were on the same page about Aniston’s bump of mystery – most have been claiming that she’s already knocked up with Justin Theroux’s hipster baby. Some reports have Jennifer already well into her second trimester, and some reports have Justin dumping his pregnant girlfriend because she’s been nagging him constantly. Which makes this report from OK! Magazine (via Hollywood Life) kind of a buzz-kill, because they say Aniston is still in the “trying to get there” stages of bump-dom:
Jennifer Aniston thought that she would be engaged to her boyfriend Justin Theroux by now, but Justin has yet to get down on one knee. Now Jen is fearful that Justin isn’t the right man for her. But Justin is trying, and willing, to do anything to not lose her including desperately searching for a more than perfect ring.
“It’s been a nightmare few weeks for Jen,” an insider tells OK! magazine. “She is beside herself with disappointment. Not only did she not get a ring, she barely got anything [for Christmas]! Jen’s looking at the relationship with a lot more caution now.”
Justin’s moody behavior and controlling demeanor are only causing Jen to question him more. “He’s moody, he’s controlling and he’s uncommunicative,” explains the insider. “Jen was starting to feel like she’d been suckered again.”
But Justin swears he’s going to change so that Jen won’t leave him. “He’s freaked out — terrified that he’s going to lose her,” continues the insider. “Justin’s promised to not be so controlling of her, to give her space.”
And he’s also going to ask her to marry him as soon as possible. “Justin’s been to Tiffany’s, Cartier and Harry Winston trying to find the perfect [ring],” says the insider. “He’s not planning to just get down on one knee and say, ‘Will you marry me?’ He’s planning an epic showcase to make up for acting like such a jerk.”
“He’s promised to change and basically give her anything and everything she wants,” adds the insider.
But Jen isn’t convinced. “She doesn’t want a conciliatory proposal,” notes the insider. “She wants it done the right way, not as an apology.”
“Jen’s taking Justin back but doesn’t want to go through the same thing she did with Brad [Pitt] — stuck with an insensitive partner who’s just going through the motions until they drift apart,” says the insider. “Jen won’t stand for being messed around with anymore.”
OMG, Justin Theroux is missing a sensitivity chip! OMG, he’s UNCOOL. Whatever. I suspect that JustJen are fine, they’re still together, and they will be through the promotion of Wanderlust, perhaps even longer.
Incidentally, it seems like Aniston made a recent appearance to Chelsea Handler’s After Lately show. The “gag” of the bit is that as soon as Chelsea leaves the room, Jennifer starts talking smack about her. I don’t really find it funny though – because the “gag” criticisms Jennifer uses against Chelsea are true…? When Aniston is told that Chelsea has been really busy, Aniston says in part, “Doing what? I mean, gossiping about more successful people that are better looking than her? Or putting her name on another dumb book to make the world a dumber place? I mean, just ridiculous. ‘Hi, I’m Chelsea. I really think that everything I say is funny.’ You know what I mean? It’s a shock that she really still has her own show.” Seriously – is that funny? Or is it just a moment of truth?
Photos courtesy of Fame, WENN, Terry Richardson’s Diary.
For a while now, I’ve felt like Joan Rivers is past her prime, and I think she’s using cruelty and shtick in the place of relevancy and genuine comedy. But I recently watched her 2010 documentary Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work, and I came away from that documentary with a new respect for her. She doesn’t really make me laugh, but I admire her longevity and her will to succeed and thrive. I might have to rethink some of the harsher things I’ve said and thought about Joanie, though. Because she’s taking Chelsea Handler to task and I’m ready to cosign Joan one thousand percent.
Funny ladies Joan Rivers and Chelsea Handler are in a major feud — and it’s no joke!
Joan appeared on Howard Stern’s Sirius XM radio show on Tuesday morning with her daughter Melissa Rivers and RadarOnline.com has the video of her attack on her fellow E! Network comedian.
“Number one, the girl made it on her back f**king the president, we all know that, of the network. Number two, she’s fine, she’s ordinary. She’s not a genius,” Joan told Howard, referring to Chelsea’s past relationship with E! President Ted Harbert.
“She’s an ordinary girl that was f**king somebody high up in the industry and they gave her a break and she’s doing okay.”
Rewind to Chelsea’s appearance on Howard’s show the day before when the 36-year-old said, “Joan Rivers? What the f**k do I care about Joan Rivers? I don’t think about her ever.”
According to Joan, the discord began at a network event in which she claims Chelsea ignored her efforts to say hello and was outright rude — but Chelsea claims it’s Joan who started it.
“Joan Rivers gets up and she’s like, I’d like to thank Chelsea Handler for giving me a career in comedy (mock laughing), and congratulations on your stage Chelsea because I don’t even have a dressing room,” Chelsea explained to Howard. “And I’m like, f**k off!”
Joan, 78, slammed back saying, “Who the f**k do you think you are? Whatever she is, she’s a drunk. I don’t wish her good luck, I don’t wish her bad luck,” Joan said. “I don’t think she’s particularly funny. But don’t you come after me, you wh*re!”
Team Joan. Joan is the truth-teller in this situation. Plus, I think Chelsea took Joan’s “I don’t even have a dressing room” comment personally, when Joan likely meant it as a cut on E!, right? Whatever. Most female comedians pay homage to Joan for her decades of glass-ceiling-breaking, and it says something about Chelsea that she can’t even feign respect.
Chelsea Handler went quiet when her boyfriend of about ten months, Andre Balzas, dumped her at the end of October. I wonder why? Is it because she simply didn’t have anything to promote over the last few months? Is it because she’s looking for the Next Guy who will help her career? Or is she trying to win Andre back? Well, Chelsea did speak to Us Weekly, and unlike many of the interviews she did last year, Chelsea doesn’t sound like she thinks she’s the second coming of Jon Stewart. She seems almost… humble? Professional? Not hammered and/or (allegedly) coked out of her skull? Is that right? Let it be spoken, today of all days: Chelsea Handler isn’t as think as you drunk she is.
She’s been linked to 50 Cent and Animal Planet’s Dave Salmoni, but Chelsea Handler’s one true love will always be alcohol.
“Vodka is a part of my life. Absolutely. Tequila or vodka, depending on the day you get me,” Handler, 36, told Us Weekly at Saturday’s NBC Universal TCA Tour in Pasadena, Calif. “But to function as I do, I can’t be a mess.”
Though she once spent the night in jail for a DUI, Handler said she’s become more responsible when she decides to imbibe.
“I feel a big responsibility to not only everyone who watches the show, but to everyone who is on the show and all the employees I have,” the Chelsea Lately host and executive producer explained. “We’re creating jobs in a landscape where people aren’t getting a lot of work. Our show is a great place to be, and when you walk in the door, you know it.”
The Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea author added that “once everything’s done, smoke what you need to smoke — that’s fine. Do it in the office. I really don’t care.”
Despite her hectic schedule — she also stars on E!’s After Lately and NBC’s Are You There, Chelsea? — the New Jersey native assured Us she’s getting plenty of rest.
“I got a lot of sleep, don’t you worry. If I get home on a Monday at 7 o’clock and I know I don’t have to be anywhere until 10 the next morning, I go to bed at 8,” Handler said. “I take a sleeping pill and sleep for 12 hours.”
Why are we seeing this New Chelsea? Last year, she claimed that doing Chelsea Latelymade her brain bleed, and she was looking to change jobs. Then Andre dumped her, Chelsea Lately got extended to 2014 and Chelsea went quiet in the press. Maybe someone got realistic? Maybe her supporting part in This Means War got sliced down and Chelsea realized her “acting” career isn’t going to explode? Maybe we’re seeing The New Chelsea because it seems like NBC’s Are You There, Chelsea? is going to bomb. That comes on tomorrow, by the way. And people are already talking about how awful it is.
I was totally expecting this story. Wait, I actually wrote about a similar story more than two months ago – but I’m expecting this story to repeat ad nauseam until A) Chelsea Handler crashes and burns and becomes a pariah in Hollywood or B) Until Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux call it quits, in which this storyline will be forced onto Jennifer’s next dude. The basic story is that ________, Jennifer’s boyfriend, hates Jennifer’s friendship with Chelsea Handler. This week’s fill-in-the-blank is Justin Theroux. And this week’s story comes with a side of lesbian terror. You see, Justin feels like “the third wheel” around Chelsea and Jennifer because they “love” each other so much. The Enquirer doesn’t spell it out, but I’m definitely getting a “Justin thinks Jennifer and Chelsea should just get a room” vibe. I’m sure that would be fine with Chelsea, by the way. Chelsea just wants to be closer to Jennifer in way, shape or form. Anyway…
Jennifer Aniston’s love affair with Justin Theroux is on the brink of collapse because of Aniston’s super-close relationship with galpal Chelsea Handler. Aniston continues to antagonize Justin by hanging out with his LEAST favorite of her pals and by coyly dropping hints that she and Chelsea are more than just friends, say sources. So Justin and Chelsea are furiously lashing out at each other!
Jennifer triggered an ugly blowup with Justin at the Glamour Women of the Year event when she announced to the crowd, “I’m madly in love with the one and only Chelsea Handler!”
And now Justin’s patience with outspoken Jen is wearing thin, say pals.
“He is uncomfortable with how close Jen and Chelsea are – and he warned Chelsea that she needs to back off,” an insider says. “Chelsea got right back in Justin’s face and told him, ‘YOU back off, bucko! I’ve known her way longer. You’re just the flavor of the month, and I guarantee I’ll still be standing long after you’re gone.’”
The conflict has left Jen’s six-month relationship with Justin “on life support,” revealed the insider.
At the Glamour event, Justin felt like “the odd man out – and deep down he fears Jen loves Chelsea more than him… he’s fuming that Jen will shout her love for Chelsea from a mountaintop but doesn’t want to talk at all about him. He thinks Chelsea is loud, inappropriate and a bad influence on Jennifer. But Jen is digging in her heels. She told Justin to make nice with Chelsea – or hit the road.”
[From The Enquirer, print edition]
Do I believe this story? Meh. I’ll believe the part about Chelsea making some inappropriate and over-the-top speech about how she’ll always be there for her BFF Jennifer Aniston, with the subtext being that Chelsea wishes that Justin would go away so she can have Jennifer all to herself. And they can “go down to Cabo” for some “just ladies” time. I don’t know. Whatever.
By the way – six-month relationship? Putting the start date at mid-May? But Heidi Bivens moved out beginning of June!
Also: Justin has really entered the tabloid world of Aniston thoroughly, hasn’t he? Stories every week, lots of hand-holding photo ops, rumors about babies and apartments, and lots of drama with Jennifer’s BFF and Justin’s ex. I wonder if he ever misses his old life?
Photos courtesy of Pacific Coast News, Fame & WENN.
Well, well, well. How the worm has turned. Except not really. After bitching and moaning about her E! talk show, Chelsea Lately, for much of this year, Chelsea Handler has now signed on to continue doing the show until 2014. Remember, Chelsea only got her own show because she was screwing her boss – and she dumped him right after she signed her last contract. Well, her contract was up next year, and Chelsea had already been giving interviews saying that she didn’t want to keep doing the show – “There’s only so much of this nonsense you can talk about before your brain starts to feel like it’s bleeding.” Chelsea fancies herself an actress, and an Anderson Cooper-style journalist who just happens to be stuck on basic cable, I guess. Here’s more:
Chelsea Handler has had a change of heart. The 36-year-old host and producer of E!’s late-night talk show Chelsea Lately has renewed her contract through 2014, Us Weekly can confirm.
“It’s a great time for women in comedy, and it’s a great time to have real breasts,” Handler tells Us in a statement.
Says E! president Suzanne Kolb: “Chelsea is an extraordinary talent whose smart, clever, no-holds-barred point of view has clearly been embraced by viewers. We are thrilled to continue our partnership with Chelsea as we build on the success of Chelsea Lately.”
Handler will also develop and produce shows for E! and NBC Universal via her production company, Borderline Amazing Productions. Her semi-scripted E! Show, After Lately, returns for its second season on November 27.
Prior to Tuesday’s announcement, the comedienne and bestselling author — whose best friends include A-list stars like Jennifer Aniston and Reese Witherspoon — had been vocal about her desire to leave the show when her initial contract expires in 2012.
“I want to do something that’s going to utilize my brain a little more than this show,” she told The Hollywood Reporter in June. “If Lately is the show that I’m going to do, it’s going to change. But it may turn out that I’m done with it altogether. I can’t keep doing the same thing; my brain is bleeding.”
“I want to do something that’s more mindful and isn’t celebrity-centered,” she said. “I’m not looking to totally bail on E! They’ve done a lot for me, and I like it here…if you take away the Kardashians.”
So what does this about-face mean? Does Chelsea figure that there’s still money to be made off of her rude, profoundly unfunny, racist persona? Does she have an expensive drug habit? Or is she going to spend the next three years “transitioning” herself into a more mainstream talent? She’s already trying to do that, by the way. Her recent Glamour interview sounded strange, like she’s spent too much time in the Goddess Circle, reading self-help books. Plus, she’s got a movie role in This Means War, so now she’s an “actress” too. Maybe she really is going to spend the next few years building up her career beyond Chelsea Lately. The problem might be that no one really cares about her beyond her drunk, rude persona…? I don’t know. I’m biased. I really dislike her, and I feel like it’s some kind of “The Emperor Has No Clothes” situation – no one wants to admit that she’s actually not funny at all. Plus, I just think it’s funny that E! is really the only place she fits and excels. She and the Kardashians are the same.
These are some photos of Chelsea Handler ar last night’s Glamour Women of the Year Awards, held last night in NYC. Er… I’m not sure this cameltoe-enhancing catsuit was the best choice, you know? Her boobs look good, though. Chelsea went to the event alone – her NYC-based boyfriend, hotelier Andre Balazs wasn’t her date for the event. This caused Page Six to raise the Code Red: Single Lady – they claim that Andre and Chelsea broke up shortly after Halloween. They been dating for most of the year – the earliest reports about them began this past January. Here’s what Page Six is saying:
Funny girl Chelsea Handler and handsome hotelier André Balazs have split after nearly a year, sources have exclusively confirmed to Page Six.
The comedienne and host of E!’s “Chelsea Lately,” who received a Glamour Women of the Year Award last night at Carnegie Hall, walked the red carpet without Balazs by her side.
“She’s fine,” a source told us. “If she’s feeling down, she’s certainly not showing it.”
Handler and Balazs were together as recently as Halloween weekend, when she attended the “Sinners or Saints”-themed bash at the Balazs-owned Top of the Standard hosted by Balazs, Nick Rhodes, André Saraiva and Thomas Hayo. Balázs and Handler arrived in costume as “Duke and Lady von Glamoor-ass from the Weimar Republic.” Sources said the couple appeared very much together at the event, but broke up shortly after.
It was not immediately clear what provoked the split, but Handler tapes her show in LA while Balazs spends much of his time in New York. The two were first spotted together in January at the Sundance Film Festival in Park City, Utah, where they looked cozy at several parties.
Handler and Balazs continued their public displays of affection at the Super Bowl in Dallas, the White House Correspondents’ Dinner in Washington, and at Handler’s signing in May of her fourth book, “Lies That Chelsea Handler Told Me,” at (where else?) the Top of the Standard.
Glamour this year named the talk-show host a “Queen of the Night,” calling her “the only woman to succeed as a late-night-comedy host, ever.” Jennifer Lopez, Tory Burch and artist Cindy Sherman were also honored.
Handler said of being named as an honoree: “I think women see themselves in me . . . I’m making a fool out of myself for us. I’m happy to do it.”
A rep for Handler had no comment and Balazs’ rep did not get back to us by press time.
I always found them to be a weird couple – Andre is pretty hot, he’s rich, and he’s a catch. Unfortunately, I also think Andre likes really trashy blondes – he was rumored to be dating Courtney Love just before this hookup with Chelsea. To go from C-Love to C-Handler? Is that a downgrade? Anyway, it doesn’t sound like Chelsea is too worked up over it. That’s one of the few things I like about her – she seems to do the dumping and she moves on really quickly.
