Ah, Rihanna. I have to admit, this is my style. If I looked like Rihanna, or had that kind of slim, small-busted, model-y figure, I would wear dresses like this all of the time. I love the simplicity of it. I love that it’s sexy but not in-your-face. I love that it’s also one of the classier and most elegant things Rihanna has ever worn. Allegedly, she worked with Armani to create this dress, which I find hard to believe. I mean, she’s the face of Armani, and obviously they want to please her. But I don’t believe Armani didn’t have a very similar dress in their archives, you know? I even like Rihanna’s blonde hair, but only in comparison to how bad her hair has been in the past. This is a really great look for her, and I hope it stays for a while.

As for Rihanna’s performances… I don’t even know. First she “sang” her own song, “We Found Love” – but as was made clear very quickly, she was lip-syncing. Did you notice that? She didn’t have the mic to her mouth at several points and you could still hear the vocals. After that, she changed mics I guess, and she joined Chris Martin for a simple version of “Princess of China”. You can really hear the difference between Rihanna’s voice live on that song versus her pre-recorded voice on “We Found Love”. Now, I thought Coldplay’s performance of “Paradise” was really, really good. Here’s the video of all of it:

21221225635 by YardieGoals

Right? Why go to the Grammys if you’re not going to actually SING your own song? And those booty shorts looked super-uncomfortable. Like, that cameltoe was painful.

And here are some other pics – I’m only putting up these photos of Adam Levine and his girlfriend Anne V because her dress is sort of similar to Rihanna’s Armani. I think Anne’s biscuit-grazer dress is a version of the Anthony Vaccarello one Gwyneth Paltrow wore on the cover of the March issue of Harper’s Bazaar, correct? Anne V and Adam were reportedly having problems a few weeks ago, but I guess they’re still together. Good for them, I guess.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Chris Martin has been a touchy, twitchy, nervous bastard for years, especially when it comes to discussing his wife, Gwyneth Paltrow, or Gwyneth‘s most famous ex, Brad Pitt. Oddly (and hilariously), Chris never gets twitchy about Gwyneth’s other famous ex, Ben Affleck. Chris might not even know Gwyneth dated Ben Affleck, truly. Anyway, in 2008, Chris spoke about his feelings towards Brad Pitt in a Rolling Stone interview, saying, “You’ve got to be hungry… If your wife went out with Brad Pitt, you’d want to prove yourself, you know what I mean?” Later that year, Chris punched an interviewer (and called the dude a C-U-Next-Tuesday) for mentioning Gwyneth’s engagement to Brad. As of the past few years, Chris has managed to avoid conversations about Brad, although he still gets super-twitchy when asked about Gwyneth and his marriage in general.

Which makes this story in the Enquirer oddly believable. I’m not saying it’s the gospel or anything, just that I could see something like this happening and I could see Chris reacting this way:

If you’re succumbing to the sneaky suspicion that Gwyneth Paltrow’s beautiful but dumb, ponder this: rocker hubby Chris Martin’s eyes popped when he spotted an obviously pricey diamond bracelet on Gwyneth’s wrist – and when he quizzed her, thick-as-a-brick-but-gorgeous Gwyn did what just about no other woman on earth would have done – admitted that long-ago lover Brad Pitt gifted her with the beautiful bauble during their engagement 15 years ago.

Instantly, Chris jealously blew his stack as goofy Gwyneth abruptly emerged from her coma, promising to sell Pitt’s piece and donate the dough to charity!

[From The Enquirer, print edition]

Do you think Gwyneth still has (and wears) gifts from her former lovers? I bet she still has a lot of that stuff (the really nice stuff, not the cheap peasant crap), and I could see her wearing it too. But here’s a question: Chris and Gwyneth have been together for what? Nearly a decade? And Chris is just now noticing a piece of jewelry Gwyneth has had all of this time? That sounds reasonable too – he doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who notices stuff like that. And maybe Gwyneth just wore the bracelet to piss off Chris. Because that’s the way she rolls.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

You know how in Gwyneth Paltrow’s mind, she and Beyonce are super-tight and total BFFs? And in reality, Beyonce is like, “She’s okay, but she’s a little clingy”? Well, it seems like Gwyneth’s husband Chris Martin thought he could casually exploit (not really) his wife’s relationship with Beyonce – Chris wrote a song for Beyonce, and asked her to record it with Coldplay for their latest album, Mylo Xyloto. Beyonce (through her people!) refused. So Chris wrote another song, this time for Rihanna, and Rihanna sang it and now Chris thinks that Rihanna is his favorite. And everything Chris learned about being a bitchy high school girl, he learned from Gwyneth.

Maxim: So how did the Rihanna collaboration on Mylo Xyloto, “Princess of China,” come about? Because you’ve name-checked Beyoncé so many times in the past, we would have expected her to turn up on the album.

Chris Martin: Well, I did write a song for Beyoncé, but it got rejected by her A&R people. And the one I wrote for Rihanna didn’t get rejected. It was when she was doing Rated R, but it took so long—there’s still this tribalism in music where we’re rock and you’re pop and you’re hip-hop, and it sometimes takes a while to get across those barriers. Whereas a 14-year-old doesn’t even see those barriers. So once we started thinking like that, it was, “Who cares if we used to be shelved in different places in Tower Records?” She’s f–king rad, and I love listening to her. It’s my favorite real singing on the album, ’cause it isn’t me.”

[Via Maxim]

So why didn’t Gwyneth intercede on behalf of her husband to get her super-duper BFF 4 EVA Beyonce to sing on his album? Is it because Goop and Bey aren’t really that super-duper close? Is it because Beyonce thinks she’s too good to appear on a Coldplay album? Is it because Bey is surrounded by sycophantic yes men? Who knows? But I like the idea that Chris is Pro-RiRi and Gwyneth is Pro-Bey, and THAT is the biggest fight they’re having during this holiday season.

Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

I’ve long been chronicling and wondering about the “falling out” of Madonna and Gwyneth Paltrow. They used to be super-tight, they used to work out together, they used to party together and use their fake British accents together and everything was super-duper and fancy. Then, about two years ago, it seemed like Goop and Madge began pulling away from each other. Many thought that the dust up was likely about money – notably, about Goop going into business with Tracy Anderson, the fraudulent trainer who had likely bilked Madge out of some investment money too. Goop and Anderson are still in business together, though, and Madge and Goop are still on the outs.

Then, earlier this year, something else weird happened – all of the “cool girls” began mean-girling Madge. It became evident at this year’s Met Gala, where Stella McCartney dressed both Gwyneth and Madge, but all of the cool girls wanted to hang out with Goop and everybody ignored Madge. Madge retaliated by telling reporters that she “felt fat” in her Stella dress, and BAM, Madge is no longer wearing Stella McCartney, nor is she friendly with any of the McCartneys any longer.

Now Star Magazine has an interesting take on what was really behind the Mean Girl War – it over boys, not money.

Madonna is singing the blues these days – because her A-list pals have turned their backs on her!

“Madonna doesn’t really have friends anymore,” a source tells Star. “She used to have a huge group who adored her. But now Gwyneth Paltrow, Stella McCartney, Beyonce, Jay-Z, Kate Hudson, Fergie and everyone else have dumped her.”

And now it seems like all of Tinseltown is shunning the 53-year-old. Madonna was banned from Stella’s 40th birthday party and dad Paul’s wedding. And her outcast status was again obvious when none of her former friends turned out for the Oct. 23 London premiere of her film W.E.

According to the source, the cold shoulder began when Madonna clashed with BFF Gwyneth over her relationship with the actress’s husband, Coldplay front man Chris Martin.

“Madonna got a little too flirty with Chris, and the tnesion spilled over to her relationship with Gwyneth… when Gwyneth’s relationship with Madonna soured, so did everyone else’s. She got her friends in their circle to dump her too. And now Madonna’s really lonely because of it.”

[From Star Magazine, print edition]

Er… Madge flirted with Chris Martin? And Goop got mad? Now, I don’t have any problems believing that Madonna is the kind of woman who will blatantly and directly flirt with your husband in front of you. I don’t have a problem believing that Goop systematically shuts out and mean-girls any woman who pays too much attention to Chris (hello, Kate Bosworth). My problem is putting those things together – Madge flirting with Chris and Goop getting mad about THAT? Yeah, I just don’t see it. Maybe I don’t want to see it, though. Gristle on goober. Rough.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Yesterday we heard the news that Coldplay’s Chris Martin had hung up on a radio interview after they asked him too many questions about his wife, Gwyneth Paltrow. This isn’t new for Chris, he has a history of throwing hissy fits when the conversation doesn’t focus on him and his precious music. After I reported on that story the interview was put online and I was able to hear how Chris got offended. The interviewers were complimentary and respectful the whole time. Up until Goop’s name was brought up he was handling it fine. Chris came across well at first and seemed humble and kind of decent. He said that he doesn’t feel like a rock star in his everyday life, and that he doesn’t think that Coldplay is one of the top bands of all time. Then they asked some innocuous questions about Gwyneth. They were all quite appropriate and not particularly personal but after the third one he let out a sigh and hung up. When Chris called back to the radio station following theaborted interview he claimed that there were too many questions being asked at once and that he didn’t know how to answer them, insisting that he wasn’t offended by any questions. However, it was clear from the interview that there were too many questions about Gwyneth. Chris knows that he can’t pull the diva act when Goop’s name is brought up during television interviews, though. On an upcoming appearance on the Ellen Degeneres show he deflected some of Ellen’s questions about Gwyneth with humor instead of hubris, and kind of referred to his bandmate as his life partner.

COLDPLAY will make their first appearance on ‘The Ellen DeGeneres Show” on Thursday, October 27th. Ellen sits down with front man Chris Martin and lead guitarist Jonny Buckland. Ellen talks with Chris about how his wife Gwyneth Paltrow and reveals the longest relationship he has ever had is with Jonny. Plus, Coldplay will perform “Paradise” and “Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall” from their new album “Mylo Xyloto.”

Chris on his wife Gwyneth and the longest relationship he has ever had…
Ellen: You don’t talk about Gwyneth a lot?
Chris: No.
Ellen: But you have a great relationship and two precious kids. And we love Gwyneth. She’s been here many times.
Chris: She’s been a great beard for me now, for 10 years.
Ellen: Is that right? It’s not really a real relationship? She just pretends that she’s your wife.
Chris: Yeah, it’s hard to believe. (Laughing)
Ellen: I know that this is your first relationship…So, really before you were in a relationship with Gwyneth. You didn’t have a serious relationship at all? What was the longest relationship you were in before Gwyneth?
Chris: I think a lot of people like me and Jonny join bands because we were really not doing so well.
Ellen: With women?
Chris: …With anybody.
Jonny: I think the longest relationship we’ve had is together.
Chris: Yes.
Ellen: Which is how long now?
Jonny: About 14 years.
Ellen: 14 years. That’s amazing.
Chris: I don’t understand how you can forget our anniversary. It’s actually 15 years this week.

[From The Ellen Show, received via e-mail]

I just get the impression that Chris and Gwyneth are either separated or that they’re barely together for the kids. Chris has said before that he’s never had a real relationship before Gwyneth, and I think he’s bringing all that up now to kind of explain, in his douchey way, why they’re splitting. I just don’t buy that anyone is so private that they get actively mad when their wife’s name is brought up and can’t even talk about her at all, even in a roundabout way. It’s possible that he just doesn’t want her fame to overshadow his music career, but I also think he’s over her.

Header photo credit: Michael Rozman/Warner Bros. Other photos credit: WENN.com

On Friday Coldplay performed on the Today Show to promote their new album, Mylo Xyloto. They were impressive and I considered covering that just for the music alone. At this point I’m not a huge Coldplay fan, but I loved their first album and I still have a soft spot for them. They’re talented, they make good music and they can give a hell of a performance. Well we’re into next week now and sure enough there’s a story about Chris Martin behaving like a dick during promotion. It’s well known that he hates to talk about his famous sanctimonious wife, he’s never done a red carpet with her and he once asked a female journalist what her favorite sexual position was when she asked him an innocuous question about whether he’d ever do a duet with Gywneth. Another time, he punched a guy in the chest for mentioning Gwyneth’s ex Brad Pitt. He could just hate to do interviews also, he once walked off a BBC interview when it took at turn he didn’t like. (Which didn’t have anything to do with Goop, supposedly.) It seems like Martin has been softening a little bit on his stance about talking about Gwyneth. In a recent CBS interview, he compared marrying Goop to “winning the lottery.” Well he’s not ready to talk about her much, though. He hung up on a radio interview when they asked him too many questions about her.

This news comes via Lainey Gossip and I had to listen to over 10 minutes of jockey chatter before I got to the heart of the story. I guess four people were on the air asking questions, and a lot of questions were about Gwyneth, since they figured Martin had opened the floodgates already with that CBS interview. Martin let out a sigh and hung up on them during the interview, which was not yet aired and wasn’t live. After he hung up, Martin called back and said that he didn’t object to any particular questions and that it was more about the fact that too many were coming at once. The interviewers thought it did have to do with Gwyneth, though.

There were no restrictions on what we can or cannot ask.

After the interview, we’re all sitting there and we’re shaking our heads after he hangs up on us. We’re all not sure what went wrong here… He calls back, gets his people on the phone…

I said “Gwyneth Paltrow tweeted that this next album is a masterpiece. I said ‘she sort of has to say that right?’”

He hung up, then he called back and asked to talk to him off the air.

He said “I’m just not used to that many people asking me that many questions so quickly. I just was uncomfortable.”

He never said “I didn’t want to talk about Gwyneth… I wasn’t comfortable with the interview,” is what he said.

He was trying to stress that he was overwhelmed by the questions.

He kept saying he wasn’t offended…

He then requested that we not run it. “You don’t have to play that.”

[From audio on The Bert Show]

So what’s going on with this dude? If he doesn’t want to talk about his wife, that should be specified up front. Given his history at freaking out over questions about her, most interviewers should kind of know not to bring it up. I’m not saying he had the right to hang up, just that it’s an obvious sore spot for him. He’s also really touchy. Couldn’t he have just said “one at a time please?”

I’m hoping they release the full interview tomorrow. I’d really like to hear it.

Update: Thanks to Sadie for letting me know the audio of the interview is up. It’s the second audio link on this page and it starts at the 11:00 mark. Chris at first says he’s “not very good at answering these questions,” then when the interviewer asked about Gwyneth tweeting that the album was a masterpiece, around 6:00 in, he lets out a sigh and hangs up. As another DJ mentions, Chris started getting pissy when Goop was mentioned. There weren’t too many questions coming at him per se, it was just too many questions about Gwyneth.

photo credit: WENN.com

Much has been written about the state of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s marriage. According to widely circulated tabloid reports, Goop and Chris have been various stages of “over it” for years, for various reasons that may or may not involve sex with groupies and Kate Bosworth. I think most people look at Chris and Gwyneth’s marriage and ask, “Damn, how can HE put up with HER?” Yes, Goop is insufferable. But in her defense, I really think Chris is insufferable too. I’ve begun to think they just deserve each other.

Anyway, Chris has a new interview with CBS Sunday Morning. He actually comes across as rather sweet here, and he deigns to speak in warm terms of his wife. I think it’s a little weird that at this point, neither Gwyneth nor Chris have problems talking about each other and their marriage in print or television interviews, but somehow walking together, hand-in-hand, is the most EPIC HORRIBLE thing ever. I still don’t get that. So, in the interview Chris once again discusses how Gwyneth was his first girlfriend (he’s talked about that before):

Chris Martin isn’t about to take Gwyneth Paltrow for granted. The 34-year-old feels really lucky to be married to the GOOP Goddess, and not just because she’s the only serious romance he’s ever had.

In an interview with CBS Sunday Morning, Anthony Mason asked Martin if it was true that he’d only had “one serious relationship.”

“[That's] right,” the Coldplay frontman said. “I’m in it.”

When Mason pointed out that Martin’s lack of serious girlfriends in the past was “pretty unusual” and told him he’d made “quite a leap,” the musician quipped: “It’s a big leap? What, from being a loser, to going out with an Oscar winner?”

He laughingly continued: “It’s a giant leap. Let’s face it: it’s like winning the lottery.”

Martin and Paltrow, who said “I do” in 2003, are parents to Moses, 5, and Apple, 7.

So how has being a father changed Martin’s professional life? “It’s made it more focused,” he said. “And you have a purpose. I like what it does. Just the idea of having to work hard so your kids are okay.”

[From Us Weekly]

Is Chris just doing the self-deprecating English thing, or does he still see himself as a loser? I tend to think the same thing of Chris that I think of Kristen Stewart – it takes a lot of effort to be that anti-celebrity, anti-famewhore. Where was I going with that? I don’t even remember. Something about how it takes a lot more time and effort to avoid ever being in the same photo frame as his wife, and if he really didn’t want any public association with her, he shouldn’t even talk about her in interviews. So why does he? He’s very conscious of her celebrity and his own celebrity. He cares too much. As Goop said in a recent interview, “He makes music for his fans, and he doesn’t want people to conjure a lame famous couple when they’re getting into his music. I get it.” Or maybe Chris is just still comparing himself to Brad Pitt, which he’s admitted in the past.

This was the only video I could find of Chris’s interview – it’s kind of adorable, with him talking about Kung Fu Panda 2.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

These are some new photos of Kate Bosworth leaving a Coldplay concert last night in LA. She’s with a friend that, for my purposes, I’m assuming is gay. Because seriously, what straight guy is going to take Kate Bosworth to a Coldplay performance, right? Especially considering the history! What history? Ah, back in November 2009, Star Magazine had a surprisingly detailed and heavily sourced story about how Chris Martin, Coldplay’s front man and husband of Gwyneth Paltrow, was having a public affair with Kate Bosworth. What’s that? You want to read the original 2009 story? Of course! Here you go:

The witness says that since the backstage VIP section at the U2 concert on Oct. 23 was full of Secret Service agents keeping an eye on former President Clinton, perhaps Kate and Chris thought no one would notice them.

“They weren’t even shy about it. There weren’t too many regular people there, so maybe they thought no one would blab about them. But they looked really into each other – they held hands and kissed, and I saw Chris caress her cheek. It was pretty romantic.”

Later, at an after party for Bono at The Palazzo’s Carnevino restaurant, Chris and Kate kept carrying on, eyewitnesses report.

“Kate arrived around midnight with Chris and some other Coldplay members… they stayed until around 5 a.m. It was a wild party!”

When Kate and Chris first arrived, she went straight up to the hostess’ stand and started rambling on about how she and Gwyneth were really good friends.

“Thinking about it now, it was like she was overcompensating,” says an onlooker. “She said that whenever she’s with Gwyneth in Los Angeles or New York, they always go to one of Mario Batali’s restaurants. Carnevino is one of Mario’s restaurants. It was so out of the blue that she was talking about her friendship with Gwyneth, like she was justifying why she was with Chris. And it’s weird because Mario and Gwyneth are good friends too.”

“Kate and Chris sat at a table towards the back of the room. They seemed pretty into each other,” says an eyewitness. “They spent the entire time hanging out together, eating, drinking, laughing. Wherever Kate went, Chris would be right next to her. They sure looked like a couple to me.”

Chris’s hookup with Kate may not come as a shock to friends of the couple. Some say Gwyneth and Chris have been drifting apart for months. “It’s like Chris suddenly realized he’s a rock megastar and women throw themselves at him… he’s become incredibly affected by female flattery. And Kate is just the kind of beauty who’ll flatter him – bright, sexy and intelligent.”

Whispers of trouble in Chris and Gwyneth’s marriage have been around for a long time, but looked like they were making a go of it in August when they purchased a new house. But, “it didn’t work. The marriage has major problems. They’re at a crossroads and there’s no knowing if the relationship can survive… they’re leading separate lives. She finds him immature. He finds her pretentious.”

Meanwhile, Kate Bosworth “has been chasing Chris for a long time,” a source reveals. “All his friends think that there’s something going on with them.”

“Last summer, Gwyneth’s ego was bruised when Chris told her that Kate was like a younger version of herself… he’s had a crush on Kate since she starred in Blue Crush. Gwyneth knows that Chris flirts all the time on the road, but after that ‘younger version of you’ comment, Gwyneth is more sensitive and suspicious of Kate.”

[From Star Magazine, print edition, November 16 2009]

So what does it mean that the newly single Kate Bosworth – fresh from being dumped by Alexander Skarsgard – is now fine with having her name mentioned in the same breath as “Coldplay”. Is Kate trying to start up with Chris again? Is she trying to put Gwyneth on edge?

My opinion: Gwyneth is already on edge. After reading her Elle interview yesterday, Goop just makes me sad. I mean, of course, she’s a terrible monster and I wouldn’t mind slapping her, but also: she‘s just sad. Not that she would ever admit it, but her marriage is terrible and all of the Mrs. Elton humble-bragging is just to make herself feel better. When discussing her marriage, she said:

On the false rumors of a split: “Sometimes it’s hard being with someone for a long time. We go through periods that aren’t all rosy. I always say, life is long and you never know what’s going to happen. If, God forbid, we were ever not to be together, I respect him so much as the father of my children. Like, I made such a good choice. He’s such a good dad. You can never be relaxed or smug and think, ‘I’ve got this thing.’ That’s also part of it: keeping yourself on your toes. I’m not going to take this for granted.”

On keeping her marriage to Chris Martin out of the spotlight: “He makes music for his fans, and he doesn’t want people to conjure a lame famous couple when they’re getting into his music. I get it.”

[From Elle, via previous Celebitchy story]

Can Gwyneth and Chris’s marriage survive another Bosworth encounter? The last time, Chris’s people made a big deal about it, denying it to whoever would listen and claiming that Chris was going to sue Star Magazine. He never did sue. Bosworth moved on to Alexander Skarsgard and it seemed like Gwyneth and Chris were damaged but they stuck it out. I wonder…

Photos courtesy of WENN.

First things first – today is GOOP DAY! Yay! Last week’s Goop newsletters were all about Gwyneth shilling her Cooking Instructional For Peasants, but this week she only shills her book a little, and then moves on to pushing organic skin/beauty products. If you like that kind of thing, you can read the whole piece here, at Goop. My favorite part is her recommendation of Butter London nail polish, specifically a color called “No More Waity, Katie.” OH SNAP. Gwyneth hates Waity. Mark it down. “Peasant,” Gwyneth scoffed to herself. “I would have made a better princess, but I didn’t even deign to desire the job.”

In other Goop news, lots of sites are talking about this New Yorker piece written by a woman who attended Gwyneth’s foody goop-fest dinner in New York last week (?). The dinner where Gwyneth cooked – all by herself, allegedly – for like 70 people. The piece is full of little kiss-assy gems, but the part everyone is discussing is a little comment by the writer regarding Chris Martin’s state of mind. The relevant portion:

At 9 P.M., the guests went out to a pair of long tables on the terrace. Diaz, A-Rod, and Batali sat near Chris Martin, who had arrived looking cranky. (A publicist warned, “He doesn’t want to talk.”) Paltrow sat a few seats away, flanked by Jerry Seinfeld and Jay-Z.

[From The New Yorker]

Hahaha. Chris was acting like a sulky, butt-hurt man-child because it was his wife’s night and she probably MADE him show up, and then she doesn’t even sit beside him at the dinner? What the hell, Goop? And Chris… boy, just grow a set and file for divorce if you’re so over it.

Other tidbits from the piece – Mario Batali claiming that Goopy “eats like a truck driver.” Ah… “Paltrow greeted people by the door, holding a glass of cucumber water.” Of course she did! Because she was cooking for 70 people all by herself, and she still had time to hand out cucumber water! OF COURSE. Also, Goopy calls her mother “Mommy.” And Blythe brought Bruce Paltrow’s napkin for the special occasion. He had a special napkin?

Part of Jessica Seinfeld’s toast: “There is no one who is more comfortable or more capable in the kitchen, naturally, than you. I don’t know how you do it. [To the guests]…And you are all so lucky to be part of Gwyneth’s world. Because this is the real deal. And she’s invited all of you good people in here. I would never do that.” Yes, we are all so blessed to be orbiting Planet Goop, the most superficial and sanctimonious of all the planets. It’s her world, and she deigns to allow us to worship her!

You can read the whole thing here, at The New Yorker.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Gwyneth Paltrow is the February cover girl for Good Housekeeping. Which is unusual, because Gwyneth generally doesn’t deign to appear on any magazine cover other than the biggest fashion magazines. But she’s sellin’ her drunken Britney Spears twang to the heartland y’all, and people in Kansas don’t read Harper’s Bazaar (in Goop’s mind). So… Goopy is sellin’, and she’s trying to talk about things she thinks hick peasants will enjoy. Which means talking AGAIN about her post-partum depression after she gave birth to Moses, and about how much Chris Martin loves her. Eat up, peasants.

Gwyneth Paltrow had a blissful time during daughter Apple’s first few months of life in summer 2004. Two years later, when son Moses was born, things couldn’t have been more different. The actress found herself living a nightmare.

“I felt like a zombie. I couldn’t access my heart. I couldn’t access my emotions. I couldn’t connect,” Paltrow, now 38, says in the February issue of Good Housekeeping.

“It was terrible, it was the exact opposite of what had happened when Apple was born. With her, I was on cloud nine. I couldn’t believe it wasn’t the same. I just thought it meant I was a terrible mother and a terrible person.”

It was Paltrow’s husband, Coldplay frontman Chris Martin, who first thought she might be suffering from postpartum depression.

“About four months into it, Chris came to me and said, ‘Something’s wrong. Something’s wrong,’ ” Paltrow recalls. “I kept saying, ‘No, no, I’m fine.’ But Chris identified it, and that sort of burst the bubble.”

Paltrow says the hardest part was acknowledging the problem. “I thought postpartum depression meant you were sobbing every single day and incapable of looking after a child,” she explains. “But there are different shades of it and depths of it, which is why I think it’s so important for women to talk about it. It was a trying time. I felt like a failure.”

With those dark days long behind her, Paltrow has rebooted her film career – and begun a musical one – with her role in Country Strong. Her husband, supportive as ever, helped her learn guitar for the part – which came as no surprise.

“I can depend on him,” Paltrow says. “He makes me laugh. He’s really appreciative of me. You know, he makes me feel special.”

Although sometimes, she has to push him a little to talk about his feelings. “I definitely have to coax things out of him when we talk. You know, he’s British, so it’s a different lexicon totally,” Paltrow says. “But you have to communicate. Otherwise there’s no relationship.”

[From People]

Regarding Goopy’s post-partum issues: I don’t hate that she talks about it, and I’m only mildly annoyed that she brings it up in nearly every major interview. No, what really bothers me is that I get the feeling that despite her attitude that she’s “speaking out” or “educating” about post-partum depression, she is in fact making the issue all about HER, and trying to tell us about the one time in her life that she “failed” (in her mind). Goopy is all about being holier-than-thou, and for being more elite than everybody else. In her mind, if she had post-partum issues, that is the one chink in her armor of smug superiority. She’s trying to relate to us peasants, all of us who are failing and being average and not elite on a daily basis. It feels cheap and inauthentic to me. But – it’s still all about her, of course.

Regarding what she said about Chris Martin: “He’s really appreciative of me. You know, he makes me feel special.” ALL ABOUT HER. Also, I don’t buy it.

Photos courtesy of Fame.