Kelly Osbourne is one of the regulars on E!’s Fashion Police, a show I have watched willingly more than once. For the most part, I’ve found that Joan Rivers has gotten a bit softer from the olden days of Fashion Police, and in general, the show is much more celebrity kiss-ass-y than the older version. But these bitches can still throw down, as a recent episode became a hate-fest on Christina Aguilera. Yes, I know I’ve referred to Christina unkindly, calling her a “drunken, delusional, lie-filled monster” – which she is. I try to focus on how much I hate Christina’s attitude and her lies, and not so much on how she just looks like a boozehound monster most of the time – because she does. She’s bloated and orange and she wears way too much makeup and her implants look completely gross. Kelly Osbourne feels the same way, only with Kelly, it’s personal. Christina was a bitch to Kelly in private, and Kelly is airing that crap for public consumption:

Kelly Osbourne has never been a fan of Christina Aguilera, but the 26-year-old took their feud to a new level during a recent episode of E!’s Fashion Police.

After Joan Rivers, 78, said Aguilera looked “stuffed into” a Givenchy LBD at an event in Munich, Germany last month (and likened her to “Snooki’s Scandinavian cousin”), Osbourne chimed in: “Maybe she is just becoming the fat bitch she was born to be. I don’t know. She was a c**t to me. And she bought my house!”

Osbourne’s digs at 30-year-old Aguilera’s fluctuating weight didn’t end there. “She called me fat for so many f***ing years,” Osbourne continued, “so you know what? F**k you! You’re fat too.”

Ironically, Osbourne opened up to Us Weekly in Feb. 2010 about her own weight struggles. “I took more hell for being fat than I did for being an absolute raging drug addict. I will never understand that,” the reality star, who checked into rehab for drug and alcohol addiction three times, said.

The 5-foot-2 Osbourne, who once weighed “almost 160″ pounds, recalled once walking down the street when “some horrible obnoxious teenager screamed out a car window to me, ‘You’re fat!’ I went to my parents [Sharon and Ozzy] bawling, ‘I would rather be called ugly than be called fat!’”

After years of yo-yo dieting, Osbourne shed more than 48 pounds thanks to her 2009 stint on Dancing With the Stars — and she’s kept it off since!

“I just commit to half an hour a day. It doesn’t seem overwhelming and I can handle that,” she told Us in Oct. 2010. “I do half an hour on the treadmill and when I feel like doing more, I’ll do a few sit-ups and some weights.”

[From Us Weekly]

Too far or completely justified? Eh. I think if Christina really did mock Kelly for years (The Mail says she did), then it’s justified, I guess, but as I’m mentioned before, I’m a big advocate of being a raging bitch right back to someone who deserves it. Not that I think Christina will really lose any sleep over Kelly Osbourne calling her fat – but that’s probably because Christina passes out cold after her 20 nightly tequila shots.

I think these photos (below) are the pics that Kelly and the gang were talking about – watch this look, because Lady Gaga will be copying it shortly.

Photos courtesy of WENN & Fame.

There are all sorts of theories about why Christina Aguilera’s marriage to music producer Jordan Bratman is ending after nearly five years. Earlier this week we heard the rumor that Christina enjoyed random hookups with other women, something her husband was said to approve of or at least tolerate. A follow-up story in Bill Zwecker’s column in the Chicago Sun Times lends credence to those rumors with the claim that Christina is “incensed” by the stories and “believes Bratman’s friends are behind the leaks” about their sex life. To add more to the “Christina likes women” angle, there are new rumors that she’s hooking up with DJ Samantha Ronson, best known for being Lindsay Lohan’s on-off girlfriend. Christina attended Nicole Richie’s bachelorette party in Cabo San Lucas last month along with Ronson and others, and she went to Hawaii over the weekend to attend a hotel opening, also with Ronson. According to paparazzi agency X17, Aguilera and Ronson are more than just friends:

A source very close to both Christina Aguilera and Samantha Ronson tells X17online exclusively that the singer and the DJ are taking their friendship to the next level.

Ever since Samantha went to Cabo with Xtina, “the two have been inseparable,” says our source. “I’ve seen them hanging out together. Christina Aguilera really lets down her guard around Sam. They’re very comfortable with each other.”

The pop star was even seen leaving Sam’s place late at night earlier this week AND she stopped by The Roxy on Sunday to see her new favorite DJ spin.

In June of this year, Xtina herself even told Company Magazine that she is “attracted to women.”

The singer also said the following to Out Magazine in May: “My husband knows that I get into girls. I think it’s fun to be open and play.”

Is it a coincidence that Aguilera suddenly split from Jordan Bratman so soon after her Cabo trip (where she got even closer to Samantha)?

Our source also reveals that the twosome’s relationship is nothing like the one Samantha had with Lindsay Lohan. “Their relationship is different because Christina doesn’t create the kind of drama that Lindsay did.”

[From X17]

Just because XTina is hanging out with a gay woman doesn’t mean they’re necessarily more than just friends, but it does look suspicious. Now that she has an estranged husband to watch her son for her she’ll have plenty more time to party and go out. I have a feeling that’s what this split is about for Christina and imagine that she found domesticity cloying. Other theories about her breakup include her blaming Bratman for the failure of her latest CD, Bionic, with the NY Post quoting a source who claims “She feels that he held her back when she wanted to focus more on her career.” She just really lost focus and had no clue what kind of image or sound she wanted to put out there. It’s not her husband’s fault that her album tanked, although it was probably easy for her her to blame him for it.

Here’s Christina at the pumpkin patch on 10/14 with her son, Max. The Superficial has photos of her in Hawaii. Sam Ronson is shown on 9/11.

Photo credit: Fame

Is anyone else feeling a little sorry for Christina Aguilera? Her split from her husband Jordan Bratman could have been major news… last week. Instead, Christina’s split announcement came right on the heels of Laura Dern and Courtney Cox’s splits, so no one has really been asking “What went wrong?” in Xtina’s marriage. Oh, well. Maybe she’s trying to reclaim the headlines, or maybe she’s just totally over him, because Christina has just filed for divorce. I think she and Jordan have been separated for a month now, so I guess this move isn’t “sudden”.

Just days after confirming that she had separated on Sept. 11 from her husband Jordan Bratman, Christina Aguilera has filed for divorce, a source close to the singer confirms to PEOPLE.

In the papers, Aguilera cited “irreconcilable differences” as the reason for the split.

She also asked for joint physical and legal custody of their son, Max, TMZ reports.

Aguilera, 29, and Bratman, 33, wed in California’s Napa Valley in November 2005, after becoming engaged in Carmel, Calif., in February of that year. Their only child, Max, was born in January 2008.

Earlier this week, Aguilera told PEOPLE: “Although Jordan and I are separated, our commitment to our son Max remains as strong as ever.”

[From People]

Radar reaffirms that Christina identifies the date of separation as September 11th (Yikes), and that she’s basically asking that their prenuptial agreement be put into effect:

In the documents Aguilera lists their date of separation as September 11, 2010, and confirms that the couple did have a prenuptial agreement. The singer is requesting the court confirm that her “miscellaneous jewelry and other personal effects” as well as her “earnings and accumulations….before marriage, during marriage and from and after the date of separation” be deemed separate property.

“There are additional and separate property assets and obligations of each party as mandated by the parties’ Prenuptial Agreement,” the papers added.

[From Radar]

Well, that’s smart of her younger self to have gotten a prenup. Good for you, girl. Just say no to palimony. Honestly, though, it sounds like they’ve worked everything out and that they’re both be fine with joint custody of their son. Good for them for being mature about it.

Like celebrity deaths, celebrity splits seem to come in threes. First it was Ben Harper and Laura Dern, then Courteney Cox and David Arquette, and now it’s Christina Aguilera and her husband Jordan Bratman. According to Us Weekly, Christina and Jordan have been separated for “a few months” and are living apart as we speak. This could be the reason Christina has been looking like ten kinds of hell lately – she’s been dealing with marriage sh-t. Or it could be that she needs to break up with her stylist and makeup artist too.

Singer Christina Aguilera is going solo. Though the pop star, 29, told UsMagaizne.com less than a year ago that she felt “very blessed” in her union with music executive Jordan Bratman, 33, a source close to Aguilera tells Us the couple “have been separated for a few months.”

And though Aguilera and Bratman — who met in 2002 (he was a producer on one of her albums) and wed in 2005 — have not yet decided whether to divorce, the source reveals, “they are now living apart, and they will see how that goes.”

What went wrong?

“They were very much in love,” explains the insider. “But over the last six months, it ­became clear they were more like friends than husband and wife.”The source adds that Aguilera even “­proposed their August trip to Italy to ­rekindle their relationship, but it didn’t help.”

The duo remain united in their commitment, however, to son Max, 2.

“He is their main concern,” says the pal. Aguilera has even been bringing the tot to the studio while she wraps up the soundtrack for her November 24 musical, Burlesque.

“Christina is doing her best to be a great mom,” says the insider. “She has a lot to ­juggle, but she’s learning how to make it work and balance it all.”

[From Us Weekly]

Honestly, I find this breakup to be the saddest and least expected of the trilogy. Cox and Arquette I was expecting. Dern and Harper I didn’t care about. But Christina and Jordan really did seem close, and like they were solid. I thought Christina had found a low-key guy who would support her no matter what happened. And they have that baby too! Oh, well. Another bites the dust.

Many announcement ceremonies for major televised awards shows are done in press conference form, often star-studded, but nothing with any production value. In an increased effort to stay relevant, the Grammys decided to take a different approach, making a mini-event night of it with new stars doing nostalgic performances between the nominee announcements.

CBS aired the Grammy Nominations Concert that was mercifully shorter and even more entertaining than the actual Grammys usually are. The show opened with Mariah Carey in a 60′s inspired Christmas number, “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)”. There weren’t alot of close-ups, but from what I saw, Mariah looked great, sounded great, and wasn’t lip syncing. Christmas songs are kind of Carey’s element.

Mariah Carey “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)”

The show was hosted by LL Cool J and Taylor Swift. LL always seems so laid back and easy going, and hosting works for him. Taylor held her own and got better as the show went on. She’s young and truthfully didn’t seem to know anything more about LL than what was on the cue cards, though. Needless to say, it was LL who mini-interviewed The Jonas Brothers after their first, and only, nomination.

Ne-Yo announced the nominees for Best New Artist: Adele, Duffy, The Jonas Brothers, Lady Antebellum, Jazmin Sullivan.

Celine Dion took the cheese level off the chart with “Too Young at 17″ which is a borderline cheesy song, anway (although, the kind of cheese you can’t help but love, like this garlic and herb gournay from Costco I’m eating right now!). But as great a voice as Dion has, you add her turn of phrase to an already yummy cheese song, it instantly becomes Cheez Whiz. Throw in the way she looks longingly into the camera and it’s spray can cheese.

Celine Dion – “Too Young at 17″

Celine announced the nominees for Album of the Year: Coldplay “Viva la Vida”, Lil Wayne “Tha Carter III”, Ne-Yo “Year of the Gentleman”, Robert Plant & Alison Kraus “Raising Sand”, Radiohead “In Rainbows”

Foo Fighters laid down the Foo on Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain.” I wouldn’t have thought anyone could rock out to a Carly Simon hit, but Dave Grohl can often pull things off you never expected. Loved it!

Foo Fighters – “You’re so Vain” (recorded by an audience member)

Dave then announced the nominees for Best Collaboration with Vocals: Alicia Keys & John Mayer “Lessons Learned”, Madonna Justin Timberlake & Timbaland “4 Minutes”, Robert Plant & Alison Krauss “Rich Woman”, Rhianna & Maroon 5 “If I Never See Your Face Again”, Jordin Sparks & Chris Brown “No Air”

And Best Country Performance: Brooks & Dunn “God Must Be Busy”, Lady Antebellum “Love Don’t Live Here”, Rascall Flatts “Everyday”, The Steel Drivers “Blue Side of the Mountain, Sugarland “Stay”

Christina Aguilera once again vocally blew everyone away with her verson of Billie Holiday’s “I Love You Porgy” from Porgy & Bess. It was fantastic. She also looked lovely, with relatively understated makeup.

Christina Aguilera – “I Love You Porgy”

Taylor Swift did an less than stellar rendition of Brenda Lee’s “I’m Sorry” but Joe Jonas was sitting right in the front row so that had to feel good for her, probably a little uncomfortable for him. Swift’s performance improved considerably when she switched to her own “White Horse” which was just as appropriately aimed at Jonas.

Taylor Swift – “I’m Sorry” and “White Horse”

Taylor announced the nominees for Best Rap Duo or Group: Big Boi, Raekwon & Andre 300 “Royal Flush”, Jay Z, TI, Kanye West & Lil Wayne “Swagger Like Us”, Lil Wayne & JayZ “Mr. Carter”, Ludacris & TI “Wish You Would”, Young Jeezy & Kanye West “Put On”

John Mayer was in his comfort zone, where he actually makes some pretty good music, with BB King, playing and singing some great old R&B. Mayer should make more of this kind of music than his corny pop ballads. He’s not without talent. I do hope he didn’t think the standing O was in any way for him, though. BB King is legend.

John Mayer and BB King (audience recorded video)

Mayer announced the nominees for Record of the Year: Adele “Chasing Pavements”, Coldplay “Viva La Vida”, Leona Lewis “Bleeding Love”, MIA “Paper Planes”, Robert Plant & Alison Krauss “Please Read the Letter”

The 51st Annual Grammy Awards will air on CBS on February 8th.

Shown last night are Taylor Swift, Ne-Yo, LL Cool J, Christina Aguilera, John Mayer, Smokie Robinson, and Natalie Cole. Credit: WENN

Christina Aguilera performed at the Africa Rising Festival in London last night. She showed up to her gig in a mesmerizing Pucci Kaleidoscope-style shirt paired with shiny black leggings and purple heels. The 27 year-old songstress who is rarely seen without pounds of makeup told reporters that she plans on having another child. She already has a ten-month-old son, Max Lion, with her husband of three years, music executive Jordan Bratman. She seems very dedicated to her son and talks about how much wonder he has for the world:

“Absolutely, we’ll definitely have more kids,” she told PEOPLE at the Africa Rising concert in London Tuesday. How many? “I don’t know. We’ll play it by ear.”

For now, the singer, 27, is enjoying her time with Max.

“I’m in love with my life,” she says, although parting with her son to perform can be a drag. “But Mama has to work, Mama has to do a job.”

She adds, “I think it’s important to share what I love – what makes me me – with my son. So. I change diapers and I breastfeed him and I play with him and then I work. I want to show Max everything about me.”

Aguilera, who married music exec Jordan Bratman in 2005, says Max inspired her upcoming album. “It’s all about color and life. Everything’s a playground for him. Everything is color and fun.”

How did Aguilera regain her body after baby? “You try,” she says. “Working out. Trying to eat as healthy as possible. I’m a junk food queen.”

[From People.com]

Aguilera is not my favorite celebrity, but she’s definitely talented and you can tell that she really loves her son and cherishes him. It’s nice to see stars once known for diva behavior, like Aguilera and Nicole Richie, soften up once they have children. And if they want more than one child, more power to them. Now that Aguilera’s sweet little boy has changed her life she would do well to change her look up and lighten up on the makeup too. Just switching your lipstick from bright red to bright pink doesn’t count.

Christina Aguilera is shown performing at the Africa Rising Festival at the Royal Albert Hall in London on 10/14/08. Credit: Samir Hussein/WENN

In Touch has details of the performer’s backstage riders at the VMAs and they’re really not all the demanding – except for Christina Aguilera, who is said to have had 41 items on her list, and LL Cool J, whose list is particularly expensive and detailed. I think that In Touch distilled this list down to just a few things for each musician. The Jonas Brothers prefer both regular and sugar free Red Bull, Vitamin Water and vegetarian sushi while Kid Rock wants socks and ChapStick.

Christina Aguilera
- 1 large boom box that plays CDs, no alarm clock stereos
- 1 full length mirror
- 1 space heater
- 1 table just for makeup and dressing
- 2 bottles of Veuve Clicquot champagne
- 3 L’Occitane vanilla-scented candles with matches
- 1 cozy blanket
- 4 black bath towels
- 1 case of Arrowhead water

LL Cool J
- 1 black super stretch limo
- 14 airline tickets
- 14 hotel rooms
- 3 dressings (ranch, thousand island, honey mustard)
- 24 long-stem roses with no thorns, with individual water reservoir tips

Rihanna
- 1 lighted professional makeup mirror
- 2 Trish McEvoy blueberry candles
- 1 large, comfy sofa
- 24 Buffalo wings, hot sauce on the side
- 1 whole roasted chicken, spiced with jerk seasoning and cut into parts

Kid Rock
- 1 toaster
- 1 tube of ChapStick
- 1 pack of white crew socks
- 2 bottles of Grey Goose or Ketel One vodka
- 2 low fat yogurts (raspberry)
- 1 package of baby wipes

Jonas Brothers
- 8 Red Bull Sugarfree beverages, plus 6 regular Red Bulls
- 2 plastic bottles of room-temperature apple juice
- 12 bath-size towels (must be freshly laundered)
- 24 pieces of California sushi rolls
- 1 package of Oreo Double Stuff
- 6 bottles Vitaminwater (yellow, red, orange)
- 3 packages of Listerine Pocket-packs breath strips

[From In Touch, print edition, September 22, 2008]

I like setting up the guest room when people stay over and putting out towels, water, bath gel and hand cream and stuff. Sometimes I tie a little ribbon around the towel set, which I learned how to do in a Martha Stewart book. I think I would enjoy outfitting the celebrities’ dressing rooms and making them all special with baskets filled with their favorite things. Of course unlike the guests at my house no one would be thanking me for it and it would get tedious after a day or two. The people who do that job must chewed out regularly for forgetting small little details and/or not being able to read the privileged folks’ minds.

According Snopes.com, Van Halen added the seemingly strange request “no brown M&Ms” to their concert riders to make sure that all the more important requests about their technical and sound requirements were followed precisely. If there were brown M&Ms – they could be sure that the other details were skipped over too.

It’s about comfort for these stars rather than technical precision. The Jonas Brothers probably just want to get a nice caffeine buzz before they go on while Kid Rock has sweaty feet and needs new socks. I wonder what was in Britney’s rider. (Here’s what she asked for during her 2000 tour.) What would be on your list if you could get a bunch of stuff put in a room for you at work?

Every one of my loyal Celebitchy readers (I like to pretend I have a fan club) knows there’s nothing I hate more than celebrities “designing” products – or what used to be called endorsing things. The endorsement idea never bothered me. What annoys the crap out of me is that some marketing guy came along and said, “You know, it sounds better if we say you actually came up with the idea yourself.” Which is totally true – and genius on his part.

However I loathe being expected to believe that Britney Spears and Jennifer Lopez were spending a bunch of time in a French lab working on finding the right combination of perfume notes so it would smell just so.

Next up is Christina Aguilera’s latest olfactory foray – “Inspire” perfume. If it’s based on her attire, it has top notes of early midlife crisis, middle notes of transsexual hookers, and base notes of desperation.

Here’s Christina at Macy’s Herald Square yesterday. Apparently it was their biggest perfume launch ever. Images thanks to WENN.

The NY Daily News reports on a new study in the Journal of Family Psychology that shows that couples are happier and more satisfied in their marriages when the man is less attractive than the woman. This could be partially due to the fact that men, the ones who are traditionally more likely to cheat, are less interested in other women when their wives are hot.

“Both spouses tended to behave more positively when wives were more attractive than their husbands and more negatively when husbands were more attractive than their wives,” said the study by UCLA’s Benjamin Karney.

Karney also found that it doesn’t matter how much better looking the wife is than the husband – just that there is a discrepancy.

From Marilyn Monroe and Arthur Miller to Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony, beautiful women have been marrying less attractive men through the ages.

Consider Howard Stern and his fiancée, Beth Ostrosky; Christina Aguilera and her geeky husband, Jordan Bratman, or Sienna Miller’s latest fling with homely actor Rhys Ifans.

According to the study, it is evolution that dictates that physical attractiveness of long-term mates is more important to men than to women.

Men are looking for a way to carry on their genes and see physical attractiveness as an indicator of strong genetics.

“Because physical attractiveness is less important to women, in contrast, relative attractiveness may only affect them through its effect on their husbands,” the study says.

[From The NY Daily News]

This is interesting, because I thought I learned in psychology class that couples who were matched in levels of attractiveness were the ones who lasted. This story made me think of Cate Blanchett’s husband and I feel bad for using them as an example, but they’re the first ones who came to mind. Cate, 38, has been married to screenwriter and playwright Andrew Upton, 41, for just over 10 years and they are expecting their third child together next month. Cate is one of Hollywood’s most beautiful actresses and her husband looks refreshingly plain.

The Daily News quotes people explaining the ugly guy = happy marriage phenomenon by saying that “When a woman looks better in a relationship she feels like she has nothing to worry about,” and “the men try harder so it makes for a better marriage.”

And I thought it had more to do with shared interests and communication. It would seem to help if the less attractive man was incredibly rich and kind too.

Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman are shown on 9/29/07. Cate Blanchett and Andrew Upton are shown on 11/4/07 and 6/14/07, thanks to Splash News.

Christina Aguilera made her first public appearance yesterday after the birth of her son Max. Christina stopped by her polling place to vote in the Super Tuesday primaries, then went to a Best to sign copies of her new DVD set “Back to Basics: Live and Down Under.” Xtina said she’s been going a little stir crazy and was glad to get out of the house.

In a radio interview prior to the appearance, she gushed about her “incredible” son and said she is already inspired to write a new album.

“This whole incredible thing that’s taken part in my life, between the pregnancy and the birth, I’ve got so much to be inspired about and so much in my life to write about. I’ve been brain-storming for the last nine months, actually. This next album will have a whole new me, so there’s a lot to look forward to.”

The 27-year-old says she and husband Jordan Bratman reveling in parenthood: “It’s still the first couple of weeks, every week something new happens. It’s constant changing and he’s constantly changing and doing these incredibly cute things – and stinky things.”

[From the Daily Mail]

Christina also said she wasn’t mad at Paris Hilton for announcing her pregnancy for her. She said that Paris did “kind of jump the gun a little on it,” but that she didn’t do it with malice so everything was good. The Daily Mail, which is normally really critical of people’s appearances, complimented Christina’s “slimmed down” appearance. I have a strict policy about not making fun of people for their weight, but while Christina looks good, I don’t think she looks “slimmed down.” Aside from the fact that there’s no longer another person living in her stomach, which helps. She looks healthy and normal and generally how I’d expect a mother to look after giving birth less than a month ago. When you see those celebrities out in public a week or two after they’ve given birth looking slimmer than ever, that sets an unreasonable expectation. Christina looks good, healthy, and like she grabbed the wrong tube of lipstick.

Here’s video of Christina voting and signing CDs at Best Buy. Images thanks to Splash. Header image thanks to the Daily Mail.