Anne Heche had a truly cringe-worthy appearance on David Letterman last month in which she talked repeated smack about the ex husband and father of her child, Coley Laffoon. Heche came across as unhinged and bitter. She complained about how Laffoon was inviting her to watch him play soccer and said that that all he did for a living was go out to the mailbox and collect her checks. Lafoon issued a whiny statement in response in which he made it clear that he had a job as a real estate agent and said “I wish Anne Heche could see that public bullying isn’t good for the soul or positive for her child. It’s mean.”

Heche and Laffoon will have to work together to successfully co-parent their son, Homer, and judging from the way they’re talking smack about each other in public you can bet they don’t get along behind closed doors. TMZ reports that they’ve been court-ordered to hire a “parenting coordinator” to coach them, and that “parenting coordinator” charges $375 – an hour! I would think that $75 an hour is a little steep. That’s outrageous, but the person does have their work cut out for them that’s for sure:

It’s possibly the worst job in the world — some poor woman has been ordered to get in the middle of the nasty war between Anne Heche and her ex-husband Coleman Laffoon … to teach them how to parent.

After Heche famously blasted her “lazy ass” ex on Letterman, the former couple agreed to get a “parenting plan coordinator” — a highly paid court-ordered chaperone — who will help them play nice for the sake of their son, Homer.

The coordinator will make $375 per-hour to do the following things:

– Coach the parents on effective co-parenting
– Help the parents make joint parenting decisions
– Resolve disputes between the parents concerning the court-ordered parenting plan

Both Anne and Coley signed off on the deal — which will remain in effect until May 1, 2011.

Good luck, parenting lady.

[From TMZ]

Over a year and a half worth of parenting counseling at $375 an hour! If they only see the person once a week for an hour that’s $1,500 a month! Maybe Anne is making good money in her typecast role as the crazy ex wife on Hung. Am I out of touch because I don’t live in LA and have no clue about billing rates? I thought that most lawyers didn’t even make $375 an hour. I would say that’s steep even if the damn Supernanny was coming over. Maybe I’ll start training to be a parenting expert. Screw that – it’s not worth the money to have to deal with that level of dysfunction.

Coley Laffoon and Anne Heche are shown out together in happier times on 2/13/02. Credit: Fame Pictures

Earlier this morning, CB did some great, intensive coverage of Anne Heche’s appearance on The Late Show last night. Anne was… well, crazy. Let’s go with that. She called her ex-husband Coley Laffoon a “lazy ass” and said that she waited to have a baby with James Tupper, the man she began “dating” when she was still married to Coley, “until I met a man that deserved having a baby. And I met James Tupper and I just thought he was such a wonderful dad to Homer that he deserved one of his own, you know?” She claimed that all Coley did for a living was “go out to the mailbox and he opens up the little mailbox door and goes, ‘Oh! I got a check from Anne! Oh! I got a check from Anne! Yay!” CB said it best by calling Heche a “nasty, bitter, borderline functional person who would like nothing more than to publicly malign her ex husband.” Well done.

Now Anne’s ex Coley is responding. I know I should be on this guy’s side because Anne is such a bitter, ridiculous, whackadoodle headcase, but Coley’s statement to Us Weekly made me laugh. He sounds like a tool. He whines about how he just came home “from showing two different clients two different condominiums” and he basically calls Anne a big meanie and a bully. Giggle. They’re like children.

Anne Heche’s ex Coley Laffoon is firing back after she called him a “lazy ass” on Wednesday’s Late Show With David Letterman.

“After coming home from showing two different clients two different condominiums, I was disturbed to see Anne taking out her personal frustration on the father of her child on national television,” Laffoon, 35, an employee with Los Angeles real estate company Hilton & Hyland, tells Usmagazine.com in an exclusive statement.

On Letterman, Heche, 40, complained about the $3,700 per month in child support she gives Laffoon for their 7-year-old son, Homer.

“He goes out to the mailbox and he opens up the little mailbox door and goes, ‘Oh! I got a check from Anne! Oh! I got a check from Anne! Yay!’” she sardonically told Letterman.

Laffoon, who filed for divorce in February 2007 after five years of marriage, also responded on his Facebook page, writing: “I wish Anne Heche could see that public bullying isn’t good for the soul or positive for her child. It’s mean.”

[From Us Weekly]

Dude… chuckle… okay, he needs to hire a publicist, because that’s a terrible statement. If Coley had wanted to come across as sympathetic, he could (and should) have said something like, “It’s unfortunate that Anne felt the need to belittle me, but I won’t do the same. I will always love and respect her as the mother of our child, and I hope in he future she will show me more respect.” If he wanted to come across as hardcore, he should have just issued this statement: “Bitch is crazy. I’m filing for sole custody as we speak.” Why don’t these people ever ask me for help? I’m here to serve you, Coley!

Here are Coley and Anne during happier times in 2005. Images thanks to Fame Pictures .

Anne Heche was legally divorced from her ex-husband Corey Laffoon last June, but they failed to agree on custody and property issues. Laffoon initially asked for $33,000 a month in child support. He was awarded almost $15,000 a month, but Anne couldn’t pay this due to the actors strike. It was reduced further to $3,700 a month when Anne returned to Los Angeles to live after her ABC show Men in Trees was canceled. Laffoon claimed he was making just $6,000 a year before he quit his job as a videographer to care for Homer.

Two years after they first filed for divorce, a property and custody agreement has been made. Heche will pay Laffoon over a half million dollar settlement and he will also receive 1/2 of their community property.

According to the Los Angeles Superior Court documents:

• The pair will share 50-50 physical and legal custody of son, Homer, 7.

• Heche agreed to pay Laffoon a $515,000 lump sum cash payment. He’ll also get half of all their community property, including more than $700,000 worth of stocks and other assets.

• Heche keeps her multimillion-dollar home in Vancouver, B.C.

• Laffoon waived his right to claim any spousal support.

People

Anne has been said to be eager to end her marriage once and for all pending the birth of her son with co-star James Tupper. She was reportedly desperate for them both to be divorced by the time their son is born. If Anne is so concerned about social conventions she might have thought about not dating her co-star while they were both still married, and not getting pregnant while they were still divorcing. There have been no reports of his divorce being finalized, but he’s still got a few months. The new baby is due late May-early June.

Anne Heche is shown out at Sundance with James Tupper on 1/17/09. Credit: WENN

Anne Heche claims she can no longer afford to pay child support for her six-year-old son Homer, as she’s unemployed.

“I am continuing to look for work, but I have no offers pending and the impending strike by the Screen Actors Guild reduces my prospects for work even further,” Heche, 38, writes in court papers.

A judge Wednesday gave her a temporary break, saying she didn’t have to pay her next support payment to her ex Coley Laffoon, 34, covering the month of July. But Superior Court Judge Gail Ruderman Feuer ordered the actress to provide updated income and expense information.

In a court declaration, Heche indicated her financial straits were dire and that she can no longer afford to pay the $14,798 in monthly support, along with private school tuition for her 6-year-old son Homer, the mortgage on her house in Canada where Men In Trees filmed, rent on her Los Angeles home and car expenses.

“Since January 18, 2008, I have been unemployed and had no income from employment except for one very short-term contract for a movie role for which I received a total of $65,00, approximately the amount I received for one episode of Men In Trees, she writes.

People

I’m not sure where I sit on this idea. Anne’s ex-husband Coley Laffoon is getting a whole lot of child support for that kid, plus Anne is paying for his schooling. Coley must be damn pleased he married Anne, he claimed that his income was only $6,000 a year before he quit his job as a videographer to take care of Homer.

Anne, however, was making $65,000 an episode on Men in Trees, filming in Canada. Did she spend all of it? She lists her costs as being her mortgage, her rent, school tuition and child support for Homer, as well as her own car expenses. Why not get rid of one of your homes, or rent a smaller cheaper place? That money is going to take care of your kid, if you had custody of Homer you would still have to support him through the strike.

Reports are that the actor’s strike will go ahead, and a ‘defacto deadline’ of June 30th is preventing many films from beginning their shoot. Obviously Anne Heche thinks it will happen, and Hugh Laurie wants it to proceed. I am really hoping it doesn’t, in New Zealand we’re still waiting for new episodes to appear on TV following the writer’s strike.

Anne Heche and her boyfriend, James Tupper, are shown at the Race to Erase MS Gala on 5/2/08, thanks to WENN.

The custody battle has been settled, but apparently after the big things are sorted, come the smaller issues. Like pillows and pants.

Anne Heche is sharing a home with her ex-husband, Coley Laffoon. I can guess this is a temporary arrangement while she works in Vancouver, since divorced people don’t generally live in the same residence. Particularly when he calls her ‘crazy and delusional’.

The latest drama is that Heche has taken belongings from the house to her new home in Vancouver.

Lamps, furniture, yoga rugs — and even custody of a cat — are among the disputed items listed in court documents filed by Laffoon, who accuses Heche of taking things from the house while he was out of town.

Laffoon filed a declaration in L.A. Superior Court requesting that the court demand Heche to return the property to the house and restrain her from removing and/or damaging any more items.

Furthermore, he alleges that Heche “had gone into my closet and ripped the buttons off of 19 of my shirts and removed some of my pants.”

[From MSNBC]

Heche says she only took items she had before her marriage, and they are in her new home in Vancouver. Ripping the buttons off her husbands shirts isn’t discussed in the court documents, I think she probably did that as revenge. Or because she’s crazy and delusional. She did call her autobiography ‘Call Me Crazy’.

Little things like cutting off buttons are often part of a divorce. Traditionally you’re meant to sew sardines into the curtain lining in your home. They’ll stink and take ages to find, which is also good when you’re leaving an unfortunate sharehouse situation. Just a little tip from me to you.