Here in the Boston area, the number-one afternoon radio show is WBCN’s Toucher and Rich show, which gained popularity after the NYC duo Opie and Anthony were thrown off the air. Over the last couple of weeks, Toucher and Rich have been hosting their own version of March Madness, pitting stand-up comedians against each other and urging listeners to call in to vote for the least funny comedian. Boston’s own Dane Cook is set to be named the winner today, after a record number of local listeners called in to vote.

THERE’s nothing amusing about Dane Cook, according to fellow comics and two Boston radio personalities who are about to name him “The Unfunniest Comic” this afternoon.

WBCN jock Fred Toucher, who co-hosts a talk show with Rich Shertenlieb weekday afternoons in Boston, says Cook is the overwhelming favorite in a tournament patterned after NCAA basketball’s March Madness, where he’s ahead of Jay Leno, Jeff Foxworthy, Carlos Mencia and Paula Poundstone.

“We were talking about how people laugh out loud at nonsense and Dane is a good example of that,” Toucher told Page Six. “We’d listen to him and at the end of four minutes he’d change subjects, and that was it. We couldn’t figure out when the joke was.

“And he’s actually hated. People don’t hate others they way they do him. At least Foxworthy panders to rednecks. Dane’s stories are so weak you wouldn’t want to hear them over lunch.”

Cook, 36, has been accused of stealing jokes by Louis CK, Demetri Martin, Joe Rogan and others. And the big-headed comic is also known for his huge ego and his diva-like demands.

The star of such movie stinkers as “Employee of the Month” and “Good Luck Chuck” allegedly was also once tossed out of Smith & Wollensky steak house because he was so difficult. “His assistant ordered for him. He got a steak and sent it back three times,” said one employee. “The chef was furious. Eventually we told him enough is enough.”

And one insider on the set of the TBS World Series commercials Cook filmed last year said he demanded blocks of tickets for postseason games in return for filming the commercials for free.

“He doesn’t recall ever being to Smith & Wollensky,” said Cook’s spokeswoman Ina Treciokas. “He did go to Houston’s when he was in town a few weeks ago and ordered chicken, which he did not send back. As for the [baseball] campaign, he did it for free. In return, they gave him two tickets to any baseball game over the next three years, and he’s been to five games so far.” Treciokas added: “He is a triple-platinum artist who’s sold 32,000 tickets on his last tour in Boston and 365,545 tickets in 25 cities over the course of the entire tour.”

[From Page Six]

I listened to a lot of the contest, and I must say, Dane Cook may not be the funniest stand up comedian, but I don’t know what he did to deserve so much vitriol. There was a time when Cook was the pride of Boston- selling out the Fleet Center (now the TDBanknorth Garden) in record time and starring in a top-rated HBO stand-up special. But all that changed when he started doing crappy movies and secretly dating Jessica Simpson. Still, I don’t think he deserved to be voted “Unfunniest.” Even the show’s DJ’s were stunned- they had their money on “Tonight Show” host Jay Leno.

Note by Celebitchy: A lot of comedians accuse Cook of stealing their material, and there’s evidence that he does. Red Ban links to an audio comparison of a set that Dane Cook did in 2003 with a 2001 CD put out by Louis CK. Dane did the same jokes in the same set as on Louis CK’s CD. I listened to the comparison and neither was particularly funny.

I wonder if Cook is going to respond to this unfunniest title on his myspace. Either Cook or one of his people got in an extended flame war through myspace last year with Best Week Ever blogger Alex Blagg after he wrote a negative article about him. Dane claims that his myspace was hacked and that it wasn’t him sending all the obnoxious messages.

Dane Cook is shown performing on 12/1/07, thanks to PRPhotos.

Can you say disgusting? Mario Lopez, most famous for starring in “Saved by the Bell” six hundred years ago, has the reputation of being quite the cad in Hollywood. Instead of trying to do decent projects, Mario seems to relish his access to skanks. He cheated on x-wife Ali Landry on their honeymoon, and has dated pretty much every woman that walks. While he did have a few respectable gigs, most notably as a very successful participant on Dancing with the Stars, Lopez decided to return to his roots: sleazy crap that no one ever pays attention to. Except for me. This past week, Mario flew to Las Vegas to host the “Boobs or Bust: Go Big or Go Home” party at Jet nightclub. Classy.

Mario Lopez might want to be a little more choosy about the gigs he accepts. Case in point: Last night’s Boobs or Bust 2/Go Big or Go Home party at Jet nightclub in Las Vegas. The former Dancing with the Stars contestant hosted the evening, which featured a contest for women competing to win $5,000 to help pay for breast augmentation surgery.

I kid you not. Here’s how it worked. The club distributed preprinted “boob bucks” to bottle-service customers. Women hoping for new breasts had to convince said customers to hand over their bucks. The gal who collected the most scored the grand prize.

[From E!]

You know he went home with at least three contestants. The article goes on to mention that Lopez was on his best behavior and kept security guards on hand to deal with any over-eager contestants. Though I’m pretty sure by “deal with” they meant “give Mario’s room key to.” Lopez has at various times denied/admitted/denied again dating Dancing with the Stars partner Katrina Smirnoff, though supposedly the pair are still together. Depending on who you believe. I have to say, I know people cheat, I know there’s a lot of reasons and a lot of arguments about it, but if you date a guy who cheated on his own honeymoon, you better not be surprised by just about anything he does. He could come home with a giraffe and two parrots and tell you they’re your new sister wives, and you better not raise an eyebrow. I’m not saying you should accept it, but you shouldn’t be surprised.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Mario Lopez is shown outside his hosting gig for “Boobs or Bust 2″ at Jet Nightclub in Las Vegas on December 10, 2007, thanks to PRPhotos.