As a late-night comic host, Craig Ferguson doesn’t really get a lot of attention. Personally, I don’t watch The Late Late Show because I have the sleep patterns of an old fart. But Craig is on my radar, and from everything I’ve heard about him or from him, he seems like a really funny, decent man. Apparently someone in the publishing world thought these qualities would make for an interesting book, and wouldn’t you know, in September, Craig is set to release his quasi-autobiography, American On Purpose. The National Enquirer got some early leaks from the book, and what Craig has revealed is quite… hardcore.

First, a bit of background. Back in 2007, when Britney Spears was going totally crazy and shaving her head and attacking people with umbrellas, Craig Ferguson made a bold choice for a late-night comic act - he chose not to make jokes about Britney. He shared his rationale with the audience one night, explaining: “Tonight, no Britney Spears jokes. Here’s why: The kind of weekend she had, she was checking in and out of rehab, shaving her head, getting tattoos. That’s what she was doing this weekend. This Sunday I was 15 years sober. I didn’t do it for anyone else but myself. I did it because it was an act of conscience. I’m amazed that not poking fun of somebody has become a news story. For me, comedy should have a certain amount of joy in it… It should be about attacking the powerful — the politicians, the Trumps, the blowhards — going after them. We shouldn’t be attacking the vulnerable.”

That was the first time I’d ever heard Craig talk about his alcoholism or his recovery, and since then, Craig has become sort of a poster boy for positive recovery. But in the next few months, I think we should expect to hear more about Craig’s road to sobriety, if the Enquirer’s excerpts are correct. Back some odd 17 years ago, Craig’s “moment of clarity” came one night when he was determined to commit suicide:

A suicidal Craig Ferguson drank himself to life!

Depressed and determined to kill himself, the zany CBS late-night star decided to have one last drink. An old friend – an Irish bartender – poured him a final big glass of sherry. And in the ensuing boozy haze, it somehow skipped Craig’s mind that he planned to leap off London’s Tower Bridge.

That’s just one of the bizarre stories the comic divulges in his upcoming memoir “American on Purpose” due to go on sale in the fall.

“Craig’s story is both heartwarming and chilling,” a publishing source told The Enquirer. “Overcoming his alcoholism and making it big on American television is the ultimate happy ending. But the guy came close to killing himself.”

In his upcoming book, the 47-year-old star reveals: “I was a drunk, a loser and a disaster as a human being. The shame was immense. It pushed me down like a terrible weight.”

After waking up one morning in a bar storage room, covered in his own vomit and urine, Craig headed to the Thames River prepared to end it all by jumping into the icy waters on Christmas Day 1992.

“Then came a chance meeting with the barkeep,” said a source familiar with the book. “That tumbler full of sherry and a blackout saved Craig’s life. When he woke up, he realized the debauchery had to end. He signed himself into rehab two months later and never took another drink.”

After moving to Hollywood, Craig quickly landed a role on “The Drew Carey Show” and stayed for seven years.

The handsome performer had a string of high-profile romances that included a wild, madcap romp with Sharon Stone.

Now married to his third wife, art dealer Megan Wallace Cunningham, the multitalented performer became an American citizen in 2008 and is grateful for the success his move to Los Angeles brought him, especially his gig hosting CBS’s “The Late Late Show”.

Craig writes that though he loves Scotland, it wasn’t big enough for his dreams and he had to get out, said the source, who added: “Fortunately for his fans, he lived to tell about it.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, July 11 2009]

American On Purpose sounds like a really good read, and it’s something I’ll definitely be picking up. My guess is that it won’t be all about his alcoholism and recovery – there will probably be funny stories as well, maybe even some pop culture stuff.

In other “Craig Ferguson is awesome” news, he just wrapped up a week-long USO tour for American troops stationed in Kosovo and Germany. It’s his third tour (he was touring when he wasn’t even an American citizen yet!), and for this one, Craig visited five bases. Craig said about the tour: “This time around, we are visiting Kosovo and Europe, and are having a great time meeting our troops serving our country.” Also, if you want to see two lovely Scots doing some kind of traditional jig, I absolutely love this old interview Craig did with Gerard Butler.

Craig Ferguson and his wife, Megan, are shown on 4/26/09. Credit: FayesVision/WENN.com

Simon Cowell was on the Late Show with Craig Ferguson last night and gave quite a few memorable quotes. When asked what he thought of Idol emcee Ryan Seacrest Cowell didn’t mince words and compared him to a small yappy dog trying to get your attention:

Compares Ryan Seacrest to a “sausage dog”
“We have a relationship like… I’m a german shepherd, right? Ryan is like a sausage dog. You know how like the little dogs always try and get the attention of the bigger dog? It chews at the bottom of your leg, or gets on your leg?… ‘Oh just get off Ryan.’ That is my relationship… he’s kind of cute, but annoying.”

Ferguson also brought up YouTube sensation Susan Boyle. Some pundits have accused Cowell of knowing about Boyle’s phenomenal talent ahead of her performance on the show, saying that there’s no way he couldn’t have known about her. Cowell said that he had no idea, though, and he described it as just as much as a surprise to him:

On Susan Boyle: thought she would last 5 seconds
“We were in Glasgow and we weren’t having a great day… When we doing the auditions I don’t know who’s ever going to come on and on this show we have the audience behind us. This little old lady came out… she said she was 47. She looked about 80 to be honest with you…

“And the audience were laughing with her. I was like ‘oh this is going to last 5 seconds let’s get on with it.’ And then she started to sing and it was just one of those special special auditions.”

Cowell admitted he was lying when he said after her performance that he knew all along that she would be able to sing. When Ferguson asked who has the movie rights to Boyle’s story, Cowell raised his hand and said he was thinking of it.

Cowell confirms that couple offered to have him judge them having sex
As for the story that a couple wanted to have him judge them having sex, Cowell said that was true. He supposedly met the couple in a restaurant and they offered him $150,000 to go home with them. Cowell looked at the camera and said “If you’re watching, with inflation it’s now 250. I’m available.”

On Kara on the panel: Paula times five
“I like Kara… the only problem is you can imagine… Paula used to talk a lot last year. Now you’ve got Paula times five. We don’t actually get to say anything. Literally just sit back with the monologues these two come up with.”

Ferguson told Simon he doesn’t think he’s likely to ever get married because “they all talk like that.”

Cowell is definitely not a modern guy with high regard for women. When he judged Susan Boyle he called her a “little minx tiger” as if she had to have some kind of sexual appeal to go along with such talent. It’s like there was such a disconnect for him between her appearance and singing ability that the only way he could reconcile it was to make her sexy in his mind. He’s got a lot of personality, though, and you can see how the guy became so successful despite his smugness. He certainly gives a good interview.

Thanks to ONTD for linking this video.

Former Golden Girl Betty White, 86, was on the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson yesterday and her interview made me laugh out loud several times. Her lines were scripted jokes, but she delivered them so well it hardly mattered. I was pretty surprised when I looked up her age for this article, because I assumed she was in her 70s. She looks great and she still has very good comic timing.

White brought out a bunch of receipts in a shoe box and told Ferguson she wanted to get her taxes done before the deadline. Ferguson asked “What about the interview?”

White said “What does it matter? You usually just talk about yourself. It’s ‘Blah Blah I’m so funny. Blah blah I had a penis enlargement.’”

Ferguson told her he had a problem with her doing her taxes on the show, and she said “Do you want me to get audited by the IRS? I don’t want them taking me up in their ship and shoving all kinds of weird probes in me.”

Ferguson asked “Is there anyway I can help you get this all finished?”

“What would you know about taxes? You’re an illegal immigrant… To me you’ll always be ‘Craig Ferguson, the dirty French bastard.’”

“Betty, you don’t have to be stressed about your taxes, I got an extension.”

“There you go again about your penis enlargement.”

Craig said they better wrap it up, and Betty asked if she could plug something before she left.

Craig said she’s going to film a Disney movie called The Proposal with Sandra Bullock, and she said that’s true, but “actually I wanted to plug that Will Smith movie, Bad Boys, it’s playing on Showtime right now. And it’s a hell of a lot better than this crap fest.”

“He’s great Will Smith, isn’t he?”

“Yes he is. I’ve never had him.”

Here’s the interview, thanks to monkeyboy on Redlasso.

Betty White is shown in the header on 6/15/07 at the daytime Emmy Awards, thanks to PRPhotos.

Anne Heche was on the “Late Late Show” with Craig Ferguson and in his funny “roll with me” interview style he got her to talk about some pretty controversial issues in her life.

On cheating with James Tupper
Ferguson first asked her if she fell in love with James Tupper on the set of their show, “Men in Trees,” and she admitted that they did have feelings for each other on set.

Then Ferguson told a story about how he fell for a woman he was playing lovers with, and Anne asked “Were you married at the time.” Craig said “yes,” and she asked “And did you stay married?” and he said “no.” (According to Wikipedia, Ferguson has been married and divorced twice, so this could have been true.)

Heche said “Neither did I [stay married]” and “it happens.”

Both Anne Heche and James Tupper were married and had children with their spouses when they hooked up on set.

On the tabloids
Ferguson asked “Do you get bothered by that? All the tabloids… chasing you around? You’ve had a few adventures in the tabloids.”

“I’ve had a few adventures in life.”

On being gay
Craig reminded Anne of running into her years ago in NY when he was hanging out with British director Brian Gibson, and she half-heartedly claimed to have remembered him.

Craig joked that he was making out with him, and Anne said “I didn’t know Brian was gay,” and he quickly shot in “Were you?”

He said “You were gay for a bit… you have an open mind.”

Anne said “I have yes – had an open mind. But then I make decisions, ‘I have an open mind, but then I’ve learned about that. Fantastic’”

“I have an open mind, I can change my mind.”

“There’s a door, we can close that door. We can go to another door.”

Toward the end of the interview Craig asked Anne about filming in Vancouver and whether she would consider becoming a Canadian citizen. She said “sure.” He reminded the audience that her boyfriend and co-star, James Tupper, is Canadian and that she might consider Canadian citizenship if she married him. Last week’s Star Magazine reported that they were planning a June wedding.

Here’s a clip:

Anne Heche is shown in the header image filming a movie on Robertson Boulevard with Ashton Kutcher on 4/4/08, thanks to Splash News.

Last week we briefly mentioned that there was a possibility that the late night talk show hosts would return to work in the next few months. It’s looking like that will definitely happen, and all five of the hosts are trying to coordinate their return so they all come back on the same night. Their hope is to avoid some of the ire of the WGA and skirt the criticism that Ellen DeGeneres and Carson Daly received when they returned to work. Ellen hardly stopped work at all – a week at the most – and Carson returned a few weeks ago. Jay Leno, David Letterman, Conan O’Brien, Jimmy Kimmel and Craig Ferguson are all talking with each other behind closed doors, trying to agree on a date when they’ll all go back to work.

If the late-night shows go back into production before the strike is settled, at least some members of the Writers Guild will understand – the late-night comedy writers themselves. “We will never be able to repay [Letterman] for what he did for us,” says “Late Show” writer Bill Sheft, who also serves as the show’s union rep for the Writers Guild. “Dave Letterman on the air without writers and pissed off about it would be as powerful as anything we [union members] can do. He will rail nightly at the greedy pinheads that put him in this position.

“He made the right decision, and when and if he decides to come back, it will be the right decision,” Sheft said. Letterman was the first late-night host who said he would continue to pay his staff out of his own pocket while the strike was on. The other late-show hosts soon followed when the networks began informing the idled late-night staffs that they would be laid off. “We understand the ‘Late Show,’ ” Sheft says. “The fact that other shows fell in line after him is enormous . . . We can march in a circle all day and blog all we want, but, to me, he’s been an off-air supporter. Maybe his greatest potential is as an on-air provocateur.”

“Believe me, all these guys are going crazy,” says one late-night talk show executive. “They’ve had to sit on the sidelines for the last six weeks and watch the world go by without having their soapboxes. It’s hard for them, and it’s getting harder “The fact is they’re talking, but no one wants to be first or the only one, for that matter,” says a knowledgeable network executive. “But I think their power will come in their solidarity. It’s a hot potato.”

[From the New York Post]

It actually does make a lot of sense that the late night hosts could be very vocal advocates for their writers if they choose to come back on the air. It seems like they’ve done the best job they could, and will have stayed off the air for several months in a show of support. A lot of crew and staff members lost their jobs, and most of the late night hosts covered their salaries themselves. If they’re on the air and able to plug their writers every night, that could actually be a good thing. And considering how supportive all the hosts have been so far, I think that’s a reasonable expectation.

In more lighthearted news, both Conan O’Brien and David Letterman have been showing off their “Strike Beards.” Conan even made a YouTube video plugging the strike beard. That’s really not fair, as a woman I can’t show my solidarity by growing a strike beard. I’m trying to figure out what I could do instead… strike hairy legs? Yeah, I’m going with that. “No I’m not lazy, I’m supporting writers!” I will be so extra-dateable now.