Britney Spears’ life just keeps getting worse and worse - and it’s mostly her own doing. An emergency hearing was called today - by who is unclear - and Brit lost all custody of her children, and was given visitation.

A court has ordered pop singer Britney Spears to give up custody of her children effective Wednesday at noon.

Spears’ former husband, Kevin Federline, is to retain custody of their two sons “until further order of the court,” according to a ruling by Superior Court Judge Scott Gordon.

It was not clear what led to Monday’s decision awarding Federline full custody. A transcript of the court proceedings was ordered sealed.

Last month, a judge ordered Spears, 25, to submit to random drug tests after finding she engaged in “habitual, frequent, and continuous use of controlled substances and alcohol.”

That order, also by Gordon, provided no details and did not name any drugs.

The former couple has been embroiled in a bitter custody fight over their sons, Sean Preston and Jayden. The parents had split custody 50-50, but Federline then asked for the arrangements to be shifted to 70-30 in his favor.

In addition to ordering the twice-weekly drug tests, Gordon ordered Spears to spend eight hours per week working with a “parenting coach,” who was to observe her interactions with her children.

Gordon also told both parents to avoid alcohol or “other non-prescription controlled substances” 12 hours before taking custody of the children.

He also barred the exes from making “derogatory remarks about the other party and the other party’s family or significant other” during the case.

And he ordered the parents to go through “joint co-parenting counseling” and barred them from using corporal punishment on the boys.”

[From CNN]

I wonder what she did that called everyone into court at the last minute. Clearly she’s craaaaaaaaazy and self-destructive, but that’s not exactly news. Several commentators on TV speculated that the judge might have seen what she’s been up to on TV, and called her in. She may also have failed her drug test… not exactly a big surprise. Who wants to place odds on Britney losing total custody within the next six months?

Note by Celebitchy: These are older pics of Britney, which is why she’s looking good. I think JayBird chose them to show that she wasn’t always this f’ed up.

I’m starting to think Denise Richards is a whole lotta psycho. Not that she ever seemed anything less than dumb and kinda crazy, but I think she may be talking it up a notch or twelve. The problem is that the guy she’s doing it against is Charlie Sheen, and historically he hasn’t been known for being a pillar of morality or normalcy either. So the biggest part of the challenge is to sort out who’s psycho and who’s just crazy. And I’ve decided my money is on Richards for the psycho trophy. (In case you’re wondering, it looks like the Emmy statuette but it holds a little golden knife). Sheen responds to Richard’s accusations of sexual impropriety in a pretty long letter in which he states that he won’t dignify the majority of the complaints with a response… and then does just that. I don’t normally like to quote long diatribes in their entirety, but to really make my point I’m going to let Sheen’s ‘tribe speak for itself. Yes I just coined a new word. ‘tribe, as in “diatribe.” Tell your friends.

“I will not dignify the majority of these allegations set forth by Denise Richards with any measure of response. On its best day it remains laughable and inane. For the record, as well as for the scales of morality, the following must be clarified: Two years ago, when this circus first arrived, I chose a high road position and remained quiet and dignified. Yet, based on the resurfacing of certain specific claims, made in a severe and grievous manner, illustrating Ms. Richards poor judgment on every possible front, I must counter with these FACTS.

“The FBI was aware of these issues. I provided them with every computer I owned. The computers were returned two weeks later. Haven’t heard from them since. Period. The end. During the 18 months before my request to select my own child care provider, not a single complaint was made or received regarding the welfare of the children while under the care of myself and/or Brooke. I repeat - NOT A SINGLE COMPLAINT by either Ms. Richards herself, or her representatives and nanny.

“All of this, keep in mind, is because I asked the court to grant me the legal and God-given freedom of choice to hire my own child care provider. I have asked that the Court eliminate Ms. Richards ability to abuse and harass us any longer. One can only imagine what we’ve withstood thus far.

“Brooke and I remain committed to the task at hand. These unlawful and diabolical accusations will not distract us from the focus of our resolve. Shortly before unleashing her attack Mr. Richards asked for another baby via a sperm donation, after her divisive attempts at a reconciliation behind Brooke’s back failed. She was flat out rejected.

“I am making every possible effort to assure that the courts focus on my children and their welfare. My refusal to dignify garbage needs to be understood in the context of the history of this case and Denise’s need and desire to make it about issues that do not involve anything other than her emotions.”

[From Extra]

I remember when my parents went through an especially acrimonious divorce several years ago, and they wrote a lot of angry letters to each other. They chose to send theirs to “Access Hollywood” instead of “Extra,” feeling at the time that it was a little classier today. Of course these days “Extra” is the classier of the two, and I like to think that, if they were to divorce again, my parents would be as classy as Charlie Sheen and go that route.

This all bodes really well for Sheen and Richard’s two daughters. Because nothing says love like vaguely veiled hints that your father may, at any time, molest you, while your mother sits in the corner pulling the hairs off the cat one by one.

Note by Jaybird: Here’s Charlie and fiancé Brooke Mueller at the Emmys. Images thanks to PR Photos.

You’ll have to excuse two Britney stories so close together, but this is too good to pass up. I mean pooooooooooooooor Britney Spears. Britney’s lawyer, Laura Wasser, was stopped on her way out of a hearing regarding Spears’ and Federline’s custody arrangement. She said that Britney “‘just wants to be a mom. I believe this is a frustrating time for her.’” True story. I know lawyers are supposed to put their clients in the best light possible, but saying something like that - which so totally contradict months of behavior - kind of sets her client up to be mocked.

“Britney Spears ‘just wants to be a mom,’ her lawyer, Laura Wasser, said Friday – adding, ‘I believe this is a frustrating time for her.’ Wasser spoke to reporters outside the courtroom after another hearing in the custody fight between Spears and ex-husband Kevin Federline. TMZ.com and CelebTV cited court documents signed Friday saying Spears will continue to pay Federline $20,000 in spousal support, but it’s unclear how long that deal will remain in effect.

“Wasser did not confirm any details about what was discussed. Asked if this is a frustrating time for Spears because of the negative reactions to her appearance last Sunday at the MTV Video Music Awards, Wasser said, ‘Yes. I think she just wants to be a mom, and both of her kids’ birthdays are this week, and I think she would’ve liked to celebrate with them without having to worry about the entire nation – the entire world – being concerned about what’s going on with her personally and her custody battle with Mr. Federline.’

“Wasser, when asked to address a story that Spears tried to offer Federline a settlement, which he was resistant to accept, replied, ‘I don’t believe that’s true. They met and are trying to work it out so they don’t have to have a judge make determinations for them regarding their kids. I don’t know that he was resistant or she was resistant. They are both trying to work to come up with something together.’”

[From People]

I get that this is a hard time for Britney Spears, but she’s bringing most of it on herself, so it’s hard to feel badly for her. The article mentions that Britney and Kevin have a 50/50 custody split, but it sure doesn’t seem like Britney’s with her kids that much. It would be really sad if she had that arrangement to be fair to herself or vindictive towards K-Fed, but left her kids with nannies and babysitters during her time with them. If it’s so important to Britney to be a mom, why isn’t she doing that? And even more importantly, why isn’t she trying to be a good mom? This situation makes me so sad for her kids. Though they’ll have money and advantages from that, that won’t equal out for having a nutcase for a parent (or parents). When I was a teenager I babysat for a 22 year old who had her son at 15, and she treated him in a negligent way that often makes me think of Britney. It was never enough to take her kids away, but it was complete disinterest and an inability to take care of those boring, routine things you have to do for kids day in and day out. Something tells me that, no matter who gets primary custody of Sean Preston and Jayden James, Britney and Kevin will be in court constantly over the next 18 years.

Picture note by JayBird: Pictures of Britney and Kevin during happier times y’all.

I’m sorry for the plethora of Britney/K-Fed stories today. It’s a slow gossip day, but you can always count on these two as the mainstays of internet/tabloid gossip. Anyway, it really doesn’t make sense that we’re seeing and hearing so much about Britney Spears’ crazy escapades and no one is pointing out all of K-Fed’s sordid past anymore. Seems the public has a very short memory [and I include myself, I haven’t been good about mentioning all of his partying, drug-using, douche-bagging ways]. So while I’m not at all on Team Britney, I think it’s only fair that K- hold himself to a decent standard in terms of personal behavior, and it’s good she’s hired a private investigator to get the dirt on K-Fed. Considering he’s using Israeli commandos, it’s safe to say he’s got a few PIs on Britney too.

“Britney Spears has reportedly hired a hotshot California private investigator to monitor her ex-husband as the couple begins its child custody battle.

“As Kevin Federline’s legal team builds its case by serving Spears’ friends and her aides with subpoenas to testify in the custody trial, Spears has commissioned Lisa Javoric to dig up dirt on her ex.

“Investigators from Javoric’s offices recently hit Las Vegas to watch Federline’s every move - as the rapper/dancer partied.

“In Touch Weekly reports, ‘The detective watched him intently as Kevin partied in public areas of the hotel. He made a note of everyone who went into his suite.’

“Spears hopes the information her investigator gathers will help her discredit Federline and win her full custody of sons Sean Preston and Jayden James.”

[From Starpulse]

K-Fed needs to be able to stand up to the same scrutiny he’s putting Britney under. It’s so hard to write about these two, because they both have such sketchy behavior. K-Fed’s was well documented in the past, and Britney’s is well documented in the present. But I don’t think he’s suddenly become a model citizen – he’s just become much less flamboyant and much more private. Which at least shows he has more common sense than Britney. But when you think back to all the terrible, jerkish stuff that was written about Federline, it really is sad to realize that he’s likely still a jerk, just a more private one, and all of this stuff about wanting what’s best for their kids could really just be about money for both of them.

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s Britney out shopping on Wednesday - sorry for the old images, Brit hasn’t done much lately. Header image of K-Fed partying at Tao last week.

Just when you thought Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston were getting along… or at least smoking pot together, which for them is getting along – turns out their custody fight is heating up. And how could it not, in the world of celebrities? I have yet to hear of anyone with a sane divorce when it involves kids. Scratch that, Demi Moore and Bruce Willis have been very cool to each other. But everyone else has been spitting mad and vengeful. Maybe this is de rigeur for a Hollywood divorce. Bobby Brown is claiming that since Whitney Houston has become daughter Bobbi Kristina’s sole support, she’s tried to cut Brown completely out of Bobbi’s life. He’s also claiming that he’s supported Whitney and Bobbi, even though by most printed accounts of court records, he has few assets.

“In newly released legal papers that were filed last month, Brown, 38, claims, ‘Since Whitney has been awarded sole legal and physical custody of Bobbi Kris, she has attempted to eliminate me from Bobbi Kris’ life.

“The former New Edition singer also states, ‘I did all I could to see my daughter … I also paid approximately $10,000 for Whitney and Bobbi Kris to live in a nice hotel while Whitney was going through rehab … I basically lived out of my car.’”

[From People]

That doesn’t exactly make a lot of sense. The last time Whitney was in rehab in March of 2005, the couple were still together. And if nothing else, they had homes. Why would Bobby be living in his car? I mean he’s an unusual guy, maybe he did it voluntarily or to martyr himself, but I can’t even guess why there’d be a logical reason for him to do so.

“Pointing an accusing finger at Houston, 44, Brown also says, ‘I have not seen or spoken to my daughter since early June and I have no prospect of speaking to her or seeing her anytime soon due to Whitney’s actions.’ In her declaration to the court, Houston claims that Brown has been ‘almost totally uninvolved in taking care of [Bobbi Kristina],’ and that she believes ‘Bobby is going to try to get child or spousal support from me … Bobby is fully capable of working and earning substantial sums of money if he would control her personal behavior.’

‘We have a daughter together and I would like him to be involved in her life,’ Houston says. ‘Frankly, I needed to be divorced from him so that I could get my life back on track.’ In May, Brown sued Houston for spousal support, child support and shared shared [sic] custody. Despite their legal problems, the couple were seen together earlier this month at Joe’s Crab Shack in Alpharetta, Ga., having dinner and even posing for pictures with fans, though Houston’s rep said the two were not about to reconcile.

[From People]

From the outside, it at least seems like Whitney’s make an attempt to clean up her life and get things back on track. I’m not saying she’s a model of health or wellness, but she seems like she’s got a better head on her shoulders, especially when she’s got her addictions under control. Bobby seems off his rocker to some extent no matter what. On his best day he’s referring to himself in the third person and hanging out with Karrine “Superhead” Steffans. Not exactly what you want your impressionable teenage daughter around. I think Bobby probably does want to see his daughter, but isn’t capable of understanding that he needs to behave in a more safe and rational manner to do so. He probably also wants a chunk of Whitney’s money and he could get that if he had joint custody of Bobbi Kristina. Ultimately, if he wants his situation to change, it’d probably serve him better to work on himself and his own issues for a bit and then come back to court.

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s Whitney with longtime friend Clive Davis at his 2007 Pre-Grammy Awards Party. Header image of Bobby at BET’s 25th Anniversary show with Lisa Ray. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Charlie Sheen is royally pissed that his ex-wife Denise Richard’s assistant is tagging along during his time with his kids. We reported three weeks ago that Sheen had filed court papers to be able to provide his own nanny for his supervised visits. Well apparently the matter is still working its way through the courts, because Denise is still sending her own supervision. She’s supposed to send a nanny, but when one isn’t available, she sends her personal assistant, who Charlie has accused of spying on him for Denise. That might make him sound paranoid, but Denise is supposedly a bit whacko and there’s some evidence to back up his suspicions. Denise of course denied that, but has since repeatedly sent the assistant along with her daughters instead of a nanny, which makes it a bit suspicious.

“‘Here is my and Brooke’s [Mueller, his fiancé] weekend with [daughters Sam and Lola] being sullied by one of her spies,’ Sheen told People at an event hosted by Brooke Shields and Chris Henchy in Malibu on Saturday. Richards allegedly dispatched her assistant to monitor Sheen with the couple’s daughters ‘because a real nanny was unavailable, ‘ the actor said.

“Earlier this month, Sheen filed court documents seeking to amend the terms of the ex-couple’s shared custody of Sam, 3, and Lola, 2, including that he be permitted to hire his own childcare provider. The actor is currently unable to see his daughters unless they are accompanied by two Richards-approved nannies, and only Richards is allowed to select suitable replacements should either be unavailable for a visit.

“And as far as Sheen’s concerned, his ex-wife’s assistant does not qualify as a suitable replacement. ‘Until I’m granted the ability to hire my own nanny, she is required to provide one and I was terribly insulted that she felt her ‘assistant’ was a suitable replacement,’ the actor said in a statement released by his publicist, Stan Rosenfield, on Monday.
“‘If it’s unfortunate that I’m speaking, it’s ‘unfortunate’ that an incredibly loving and responsible father and his terrifically capable fiancée are being subjected to these transparent and unnecessary sanctions, that have nothing to do with responsible co-parenting and everything to do with punishment and control. As long as I am forced to live under these conditions with my children, people are going to hear about it.’”

[From E! News]

If I were Charlie Sheen, I’d be pissed that I had to be supervised with my kids at all. But he seems to understand that and is mature about it. He’s just arguing that he should be able to provide his own nanny, or someone the court chooses. Not someone his ex-wife pays. That makes sense. I realize the guy has engaged in some incredibly unsavory activities in the past, and he should be monitored until a reasonable amount of time goes by and he has consistently proven that he’s a safe, good parent to his kids. But who would want their crazy ex spying on them? If Richards really is using her assistant for that, it’s really scary to think what she’ll do with the kids once they’re old enough to talk and relay information accurately. Hopefully by then these two will be back in their civil pattern (since they seem to cycle rapidly) and be a little more stable for the sake of their kids.

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s Charlie and Denise back in happier times. Header image of Charlie and fiancée Brooke Mueller. Images thanks to PR Photos.