Sometimes it takes celebs a shockingly long time to figure out relatively obvious stuff. Okay to be fair, sometimes it takes me a really long time too. But I don’t splash my face all over the tabloids (much as I try, they keep ignoring me), so I can at least keep my stupidity to myself. Mostly. Although it took him a hell of a long time to get to the realization, David Gest, perpetually surprised ex-husband of Liza Minnelli, admits he regrets his decision to go under the knife. Though I’m guessing it’s more like knives.

David Gest regrets going under the knife. The reality star had a nose job, facelift, cheek implants and was given a cleft chin in 1981.

‘I’ve never thought of myself as handsome,’ he says. ‘I can’t bear to look in the mirror. I was an idiot to have plastic surgery – there was nothing wrong with my nose. But nobody could have stopped me at the time. I was a foolish kid.’

David, now 55, says appearing on I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here! in 2006 helped him accept his appearance.

‘It is the best thing I ever did,’ he says. ‘I finally realised that people liked me. I guess people saw the real me and realised I wasn’t just a freak in sunglasses. I get mobbed in the street by fans now. It’s crazy, but I love it.’

[From Now Magazine]

Oh where to start. First off – and this part isn’t David’s fault – cosmetic surgery done 27 years ago probably isn’t going to look as good as it would if it were done today. Technology is significantly more advanced in that field. So I kind of feel badly for the guy. Right now I’m reading a book called Beauty Junkies about the overemphasis we place on cosmetic surgery in America, and it talks about some of the things people used to get injected with. Scary stuff. I don’t even want to imagine what’s floating under that guy’s head.

All that said… it’s been awhile, perhaps it’s time for some touch up work. I understand being afraid after being made to look like… I don’t even know what to compare Gest to. A sleepy Michael Jackson? But I would think there’s some way a really good surgeon could correct some of his facial features. The most obvious being the perma-surprised brow. I don’t think anything else is so gasp-worthy on him, and it really leaves an impression. And while it’s nice that he feels better about himself… I’m going to have to argue with the whole idea that people mob David Gest on the street. I mean I do, but I have a lot of questions for him. Most times he just looks surprised and runs away.

Liza Minelli’s former husband and Scariest Looking Man Ever contest winner David Gest’s ITV television show has been canceled. Gest hosted a show called “This is David Gest” which was a sort of fly-on-the-wall type show. Apparently he got the gig because he won fans with his, “quirky sense of humor on I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here!” I wasn’t under the impression that people thought he was funny, they just thought he was a jerk. Exciting as his show sounds; it only attracted two million viewers, so ITV axed it after six months, even though they’d signed on for a year. Apparently there was a lot of backstage drama and too many problems ensued. The sexually questionable Gest has long been famousfor his temper tantrums and hissy fits. Gest also had a part on the critically denigrated show “Grease Is The Word.”

The best part of the story is the quote given from ITV head honcho Simon Shaps. “’We don’t have any plans for him. We’re not signing him to another deal – I’m not sure what you would do next.’” I think that’s probably representative of the feelings the general public has towards Gest as well.

In equally appalling David Gest/Liza Minnelli news, the pair are together again… at least their wedding is. Their lavish (tacky) union just topped Forbes.com’s list as the most expensive celebrity wedding ever, coming in at over $3.5 million. I don’t think they spent their money that well, because the only lasting impression I have of their wedding are those absolutely horrifying pictures of them with Liz Taylor (the matron of honor) and Michael Jackson (the best man). I thought they held their wedding at a Taco Bell or something. Apparently there were 15 bridesmaids and 15 groomsmen, and 55 famous singers performed at their reception, held at the Regent Hotel in New York. They also register for four soup bowls that were $3,000 apiece. They made Star Jones’s affair look classy and understated in comparison.