Lindsay Lohan’s appearance on the Tonight Show aired last night. (You can watch it online on NBC.com if you’re in the US.) She came across well, for her, in that she said the right things. She was fidgeting and looked like she hadn’t slept in days, but she was dressed appropriately in a silk black jumpsuit that was somewhat fug but not the worst thing she’s worn.

You could tell that she’d rehearsed ahead of time and that she was coached on what to say. It was all about how she’s learned from her mistakes and is ready to move on. As I mentioned yesterday, she’s putting the cart way ahead of the horse and acting like this whole thing is behind her, but she still has significant jail time looming for her probation violation and faces a separate charge on grand theft charges. Plus she’s been sentenced to three months of full time community service. Given her history of failing to meet even the most basic court requirements, you know she’s not going to be able to complete it.

Lindsay talks a good game, though, and if we weren’t aware of her history she might look like an average burnt out starlet and not like a delusional addict trying to save the last scraps of her career.

Here are some of the things she said, and at times she smirked like she was the only one aware that she was pulling on over on the audience. She kept looking to the audience for validation, as if she was constantly trying to gauge if they were buying her act. They did cheer and gave her a standing ovation, but as someone mentioned in the comments there are flashing signs telling them how to react so it’s not like it was spontaneous.

Sort-of owning up to her mistakes, but thinks it’s time to move on
I made a lot of poor decisions in the past, and I’m dealing with the consequences of those decisions…

I’m a fighter and I know that I have to work to gain the respect back. I’m willing to do the work that I have to do to follow through with being an actress.

Being young and being in the position I was in, you don’t really take the time to appreciate what you have. It all is kind of a whirlwind and people make decisions for you, but I’m not a kid anymore, I’m 24.

Claims to be “in the clear now”
I’ve made a lot of mistakes, and I recognize that, but I’m in the clear now and I feel like as long as I stay focused then I will be able to achieve what I want to achieve.

That’s the thing, Lindsay isn’t in the clear at all. This is how she got in this mess in the first place, by thinking she was above it all and that it was all behind her while she was in the thick of it, snorting and smoking and stealing.

Then Leno asked Lindsay what she wanted to change about herself. This was a chance for her to own up to her mistakes, to say she wanted to turn over a new leaf even if she was just blowing smoke up our asses as she’d done the whole time. Lindsay didn’t talk much about what she personally needed to change, it was all about how other people needed to change and focus on her non-existent career. We’ve heard this from her so many times before. In fact she said basically the same thing on Ellen – two years ago.

On what she wanted to change about herself
The public perception. I want it to be about my work, not about things that I didn’t get into this business for, that I put myself in positions where that was the bigger story.

On her jail sentence
I was kind of shocked we didn’t expect the outcome to be what it was, but I’m a big girl, and I’m going to do what I’m told to do. That’s what I need to do to continue on with working in my life and I’m taking responsibility.

On if she was treated fairly in court
I think that I was treated the way I should be treated.

On her jail experience
It was an interesting experience and it was definitely a wakeup call. Everything happens for a reason.

On learning of her sentence
It was shocking. I was a bit numb.

On her childhood
My mom’s amazing, she’s really strong. I’ve watched her keep her strength throughout her life. I have good people in my life.

On the situation with her dad
I plead the fifth on that.

On her fans – what fans?
I feel like I’ve let my fans down by putting myself in situations when I was younger and wasn’t thinking clearly. I want to be the person that I aspire to be. And be the actress, and be in this industry, and make movies.

On where she sees herself in 6 years at 30
Hopefully sitting here after I’ve won an Oscar

So is it time for Lindsay to have a comeback? Will she be able to even complete her community service requirements? Judging by her past behavior, the answer is clear. She thinks this is all behind her and she’s going to move on to a great career and an Oscar, but all she’s got on the horizon is a role that she almost lost that her dad scored for her from his prison mob connections. She’s living in her “I’m a celebrity” bubble and it’s filled with crack smoke, piles of dirty designer clothes, and memories of her Disney past.

Continuing in the ongoing theme of “Linnocent is just a poor, innocent crack baby and everybody is out to get her, for no good reason because she never does anything bad,” we have some additional crack leaks from Team Linnocent. I covered some stuff earlier today – but there’s even more coming out now. It’s almost like… Mother Crackhead is doing lines of blow and calling up media outlets in between shots. Strange, I know. She never does that (before 3 pm)! So, in these new chapters of Blindsided By Crack: The Linnocent Story, we have Linnocent’s coked-up paranoia meshing with her own over-inflated ego and her raging martyr complex. Everybody is out to get her!!! Don’t they know that she’s just an innocent crack baby?

Lindsay Lohan believes prosecutor Danette Meyers is on a “witch hunt” against her, and is praying the Deputy D.A. makes good on what she asked the judge — drop out of the case. Sources in contact with Lindsay tell us … Lindsay believes she’s become a living, breathing press release for Meyers, who is running for L.A. County District Attorney.

There are several flaws in Lindsay’s theory. First, Meyers asked Judge Stephanie Sautner Friday to remove her from the case. Since the judge knocked the felony charge down to a misdemeanor, Meyers assumed the case would be transferred to the L.A. City Attorney. But the judge noted the D.A. can still prosecute the case if it wants to … so Meyers’ request was denied.

Second flaw — Meyers has prosecuted hundreds of big cases in her more than 2 decades as a prosecutor, and is extremely well-respected, so she really doesn’t need a misdemeanor theft case all that much.

[From TMZ]

Yes, Linnocent. A prosecutor is totally out to get you. It’s her JOB to put away crackheads and sociopath hustlers. But wait, there’s more! Mother Crackhead also called up PopEater to rage, rage, rage against the California court system trying to make an example out of Linnocent because she’s (SOB!) a celebrity!!!

After returning to Lynwood Correctional Facility on Friday for a five-hour stay before posting bail, Lindsay Lohan has now come to the conclusion that she is being punished simply because she’s a celebrity.

“She is being treated differently from everyone else because she is famous,” a source close to Lindsay tells me. “We were all in shock when she was forced to return to jail just to make an example out of her. It’s not right. Especially when she is working so hard to live a healthy life.”

On Friday, a judge ruled that Lindsay, who has been accused of stealing a necklace, was in violation of probation. After five hours in jail, she posted bail and will remain free pending an appeal.

“She is innocent and can’t understand what is going on,” my source tells me. “She didn’t steal any necklace and will be found innocent. It’s obvious this is only happening because she is famous and anyone that thinks celebrities get away with stuff or let off will think again after seeing this.”

However, Dan Abrams, ABC News legal analyst and founder of Mediaite.com, disagrees.

“I know it’s hard for some to believe, but Lindsay Lohan is basically being treated the same way any DUI, probation violating, accused small-time thief would be treated by the L.A. judicial system.”

[From PopEater]

I would go so far as to say that throughout the past three years, Linnocent has been treated BETTER than “any DUI, probation violating, accused small-time thief would be treated” BECAUSE she’s a celebrity. From where I’m sitting, the California legal system is a total joke, and if Linnocent had pulled all of these crack shenanigans in any other state, this dumb bitch would already be sitting in a jail cell.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

I’ve never been nasty about Kirstie Alley’s weight. I think the woman loves food, and I think she probably hates to exercise, and really, who cares? I’m not related to her, so I’m not going to sit here and give her a lecture about it. BUT, even though I feel a massive “meh” when discussing the size of Kirstie’s ass, I will always, always, ALWAYS be a fan of calling out a celebrity on their delusions. It’s a cottage industry at this point – The Delusional Industrial Complex, in which celebrities of a certain size publicly proclaim a bold-faced lie about their size.

If Kirstie had just waltzed her way through Dancing With the Stars (get it?) without mentioning specifics about what size she was or specific (fake) numbers on how much weight she lost, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. But don’t go on the record with Us Weekly, claiming some nonsense that NO ONE could possibly believe. Then you just look crazy. So… yeah. Kristie went to Us Weekly and actually spoke these words: “I started out in a size 12, then an 8, and then I think next week I’ll be in a 6. The real size I want to be in is probably a 4 or a 6. That’s where I look best.” FOR. REAL.

This is a photo of Kirstie from April 13.

Here are photos of Kirstie from April 18.

Size 8? Nope. Not even a 10. Or a 12. Now, I do think she’s losing weight. I think she’s probably working her ass off, and I think this is likely the most exercise she’s had in years, and seriously, GOOD FOR HER. I’m happy for her, and I think she’s probably an inspiration to many women. But don’t lie about your size. You weren’t a size 12 when you started, and you’re not a size 8 now. BITCH PLEASE.

I will say this though – what did you guys think was going to happen? She’s always been delusional about her weight! Remember this? How about this? And now she relaunching (?) her “Organic Liaison weight loss system” – which is that Scientology crap she was shilling last year. So basically, Kristie is bound and determined to ruin whatever goodwill she might have retained from her Dancing With the Stars appearance.

Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

Mother Crackhead has gone on the record, FINALLY. After days of just being an unnamed source in Radar and TMZ’s reporting, Mother Crackhead has deigned to give us a Christmas present… the gift that keeps on giving, cracked-out delusion. According to Dina Lohan, “the situation” between Lindsay and the Betty Ford employee who wanted Lindsay to take a Breathalyzer was “a little sketchy.” You’re telling me, Mother Crackhead! No, seriously, Dina wants us to know that although she thinks the Betty Ford Clinic is “fabulous,” she has no idea how someone with that kind of “background” even got around her little crackhead daughter.

Dina Lohan says the story that she told Lindsay Lohan to refuse a breathalyzer test is pure poppycock.

Dina is lashing out at Dawn Holland, the former Betty Ford chemical dependency tech who told TMZ Dina was jawboning with Lindsay over the phone, instructing her to just say no to a breathalyzer test.

Dina says, when she was speaking with Lindsay, she was merely trying to comfort her after what the employee did to her. Lindsay claims Holland berated and grabbed her.

Dina adds, “I stand behind my daughter 100% … the whole thing with the woman is a little sketchy.”

And finally, Dina has praise for Betty Ford: “With all the fabulous employees they have, it’s unfortunate that someone with this kind of background gets through. I stand behind Betty Ford. It is such a fabulous facility. They have been nothing but great. They really helped my daughter and changed my life, too.”

[From TMZ]

Ugh, Mother Crackhead. Here’s my theory: whenever Dina won’t let something go, whenever she starts in with multiple interviews “defending” her little crackhead daughter, that’s when you know the jig is up. Of course, the jig is always up with Lindsay’s crack hustle, which is why I’m completely Team Random Fired Betty Ford Clinic Employee. Also: I think Dina probably did tell Lindsay to not take the Breathalyzer. You know, because of the Shirley Temples.

By the way, in case you were thinking to yourself “Damn, I hope Lindsay goes to jail really soon”… not so fast. TMZ reports that unless Lindsay is found guilty of battery and assault, this whole situation won’t affect Lindsay’s probation. BUT – the key here could be Lindsay’s non-compliance with the alcohol test on the night in question:

Sources connected to the case tell us the Probation Department will not recommend to Judge Elden Fox that he violate her probation for the alleged assault when Lindsay appears on January 3. We’re told the Department will only recommend action if Lindsay is convicted of criminal battery.

But it gets more complicated on the subject of alcohol. Under the terms of Lindsay’s probation, she’s required to comply with drug testing, including tests administered at Betty Ford. By refusing to submit to a breathalyzer test a week ago Sunday morning, Lindsay arguably violated this term of her probation.

We’re told the Probation Department has not made a recommendation to the judge on violating her probation based on the breathalyzer test — at least not so far.

Ultimately, it’s up to Judge Fox. Worst case scenario for Lindsay … back in the pokey for 6 months.

[From TMZ]

I know I sound like a broken record, but seriously, what will it take for this bitch to go to jail? She would have to kill someone, right? And even if (and when) she kills someone, Mother Crackhead will still be squawking about how the murder victim deserved it, but someone else did the murdering.

By the way, since this is likely one of the last posts on Lindsay for the year, I thought I’d bring out my favorite photos of her:

Photos courtesy of WENN

Here are some newish photos of the very picture of sobriety, Lindsay Lohan, over the weekend. Lindsay is still doing the Sober House thing, and she will still be there over the holidays, at least for now. Although I wouldn’t put it past Dina to have some cracked-out scheme to “rescue” Lindsay for Christmas. Speaking of Dina’s crack delusions, she’s STILL talking about Gwyneth Paltrow’s Lindsay Lohan jokes on Glee nearly a month ago. Gwyneth’s character referred to Lindsay as “crazy”. And Dina already claimed that the show “defamed” her crackhead daughter. Now Dina is bringing the pity party even harder:

Lindsay Lohan is deeply hurt by Gwyneth Paltrow mocking her on national TV, Dina Lohan told RadarOnline.com in an exclusive new interview. Paltrow recently appeared on Glee and played a Spanish teacher who taught a lesson that included asking the class: “Lindsay Lohan is totally crazy, right?” And, she then quizzed the class in Spanish, “How many times has Lindsay Lohan been to rehab?”

Lindsay was watching the hit Fox show while in the Betty Ford Center and was devastated.

“Lindsay is so upset with Gwyneth,” Dina Lohan told RadarOnline.com. “Lindsay was watching it while in Betty Ford, then she called me and was upset and said, ‘Why did she have to do that?’”

According to Dina, Lindsay thought the two movie actresses were friends and was shocked by the cruel jokes she made about her during a very difficult time in life.

“We are the first to make fun of ourselves in our family,” explained Dina. “And Lindsay has even done SNL a few times, but Gwyneth went overboard and it was unnecessary.”

This isn’t the first time the Mean Girls star has felt victimized by ridicule. Lindsay claimed the stock trading company E*Trade violated her rights by featuring a baby character named Lindsay in their television commercial ads. The baby was a “milkaholic” other woman in a baby love triangle.

The E*Trade case was settled in September, less than a month before Gwyneth’s stint on Glee. Although this situation won’t end in court, it certainly has affected a friendship.

“Lindsay thought she was a friend and it was disappointing,” Dina told RadarOnline.com.
“It was really hard for her to watch… it was hurtful not funny.”

Lindsay is expected to complete her rehabilitation at Betty Ford on January 3, 2011 and Dina has plans for a fresh start for her daughter.

“2011 is going to be different. We won the E-trade thing, and things are going to be different,” Dina says.

[From Radar]

“According to Dina, Lindsay thought the two movie actresses were friends and was shocked by the cruel jokes she made about her during a very difficult time in life.” Oh, for goodness sake. Gwyneth and Lindsay are NOT friends. I will say lots of bitchy things about Gwyneth, but I would never think so less of Goopy as to suggest that she’s “friends” with Lindsay. Goopy only befriends people who are her equals, you know? And this crackhead loser is not her equal.

In other Lohan news, TMZ is reporting that Lindsay is also upset that CNN named her one of the most “provocative” people of the year – although she lost the “most provocative” title to Lady Gaga. What else… let’s see… oh, Lindsay was paying an extra $500 a day at the sober house for “security” and she’s pissed off because her security team isn’t at her beck and call. Oh, and Lindsay thinks she’s too good to appear on Dancing With the Stars – after rumors sprang up that she was in negotiations to appear next season, her rep swatted them down. No Blohan on DWTS! She’s probably trying to crack hustle her way onto Glee, don’t you think? Oh, I would pay to see that. Blohan’s smoker’s rasp attempting to belt out one of her own songs. Delicious.

Last week, we got to see some photos of Courtney Love at the NYC premiere of Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps. Courtney looked… refreshed. Dewy. Clean. Lucid. Almost pretty. For someone who had spent most of the year looking like this, it was quite a turnaround. My guess for the appearance turnaround was some subtle nips and tucks, plus several scorching hot showers (to kill the scabies) plus better hair plus good makeup plus no drugs. But it seems like I was wrong (not really). Courtney tells Us Weekly that she looked so good last week because she’s been chanting. And doing yoga. And she dyed her hair. Yes, I totally believe her.

Courtney Love turned heads Sept. 20 in a gorgeous crimson Calvin Klein dress at the NYC premiere of Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps and the following day in a slinky silver dress at the New Yorkers For Children gala. It was a stark contrast from the Hole rocker’s usual grunge look.

Blogs were abuzz that she underwent a “stem-cell face-lift,” which involves taking fat from a person’s lower body, processing it and then injecting it into the face to make the person look younger.

The Hole rocker, 46, slams the rumors, telling UsMagazine.com she is simply taking better care of herself. First change: She darkened her hair to “look more natural,” she tells Us. To stay toned, she says she’s been regularly “running and doing anti-gravity yoga.”

She credits most of her healthy glow from surrounding herself with the right people.

“I used Tony Robbins’ concerto of modeling from people who are good influences on me,” she tells Us. “I try to keep the negative people out of my life.”

Most important: “No prescription meds!” says Love, who claims she is drug-free after a long battle that left her nearly suicidal and in rehab several times.

These days, Love tells Us she is in better shape and hoping to improve relations with her daughter. The key?

“I’m in a love thing,” she told Us. “Loving myself, foremost – trying anyway – and chanting as always.”

[From Us Weekly]

Lying bitch. Of course, I don’t know for sure what she did. Maybe it really was the chanting. CoughcoughHAHAcough. Maybe it was the stem cell face-lift. Maybe it was drinking stem cells with her nightly liter of vodka. Maybe it was a blowtorch to her old crack-skin. Maybe it was the cocaine cut with baby tears. F-ck, I don’t know. But she does look good, so I guess she should keep “chanting.”

Here’s a photo of Courtney from May:

And from February. Must have been the chanting.

Courtney on Sept. 20 & 21, 2010. Credit: WENN & Fame.

America’s Delusional Sweetheart is back! Yesterday, Wendy Williams took LeAnn Rimes to task for her (Wendy’s words) “sloppy” affair with Eddie Cibrian. Wendy was referring not only to LeAnn’s recent “ME ME ME, It’s all about ME!” interview in Shape, and also on the heels of LeAnn’s delusional tweet-fest regarding the emergency room incident – in which she did not alert Brandi Glanville that one of the Brandi’s children was in the ER, yet LeAnn alerted her Twitter followers. Anyway, LeAnn then responded to Wendy on Twitter, although I’ve given up trying to find the exact tweet. Usually I can glance through LeAnn’s Twitter feed and find the delusional gem I’m looking for quickly, but I swear to God, she has more than 100 tweets in the last 24 hours. LeAnn cannot scratch her ass without tweeting about it. So here’s the story from Us Weekly:

LeAnn Rimes is firing back at Wendy Williams after the daytime talk show host called her affair with Eddie Cibrian “sloppy.”

On her syndicated talk show Thursday, Williams, 46, discussed Rimes’ recent Shape interview in which she justified why she cheated on husband Dean Sheremet. “It’s all very sloppy,” Williams said, adding that Rimes also shouldn’t have referred to Cibrian’s sons as her “boys.” Said Williams: “The boys have a mother, and her name is Brandi [Glanville].”

Rimes, 28, quickly shot back (via Twitter): “All I know is Wendy Williams done pissed my mamma off! I don’t wanna be in her path. To say, ‘I’ve reserved myself a place in hell?!’ I’m incredibly disappointed to see someone with that kind of platform use it for such negativity and could be so mean and judgmental about a situation they know nothing about…I don’t like how it happened either, said it a million times, but this is out of control.”

[From Us Weekly]

LeAnn: “…about a situation they know nothing about…” Us: We know what happened because you keep talking about your f-cking struggles and how much you have to learn as a goddamn homewrecker, bitch. Also: I get the feeling that if we really found out what happened with LeAnn stalking Eddie for months before his marriage ended, it would be A LOT worse for LeAnn, so she should just shut her mouth about “You don’t know what really happened!” And this is “out of control” because YOU are out of control, you delusional cow.

Here are some gems from LeAnn’s Twitter:

On Brandi knowing her son was in the ER: “She knew EVERYTHING! We have never kept her out of knowing anything about her boys. She won’t let you believe that though. Please stop believing the lies you read. She knew… She WAS told. Drama is unavoidable.”

On the kids, but it‘s still about LEANN: “on our end, the kids never ever hear negativity about anyone and never see or read anything that’s said in the press in our home… When it prompts people to question @eddiecibrian and my ability to take care of his children I’m not rehashing anything. It’s a huge part of my life, my story and my healing process. I’m very sad that once again someone talks out of turn about something they are basing off of lies.”

Inspirational quote from Zac Efron: “I don’t understand how some people would want fame so bad that they’d go out and get negative attention to earn it.”- Zac Efron

More LeAnn whining: “I don’t like how it happened either, said it a million times, but this is out of control.”

LeAnn, for the love of God, shut up.

header: LeAnn on Sept. 4, 2010. Credit: WENN.

In Touch Weekly always gets the best scoops about LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian. I think they must have a good source in the camp – perhaps a hair stylist or something. All I know is that ITW’s stories are usually on target. Anyway, this week’s story is just a funny little piece about how LeAnn “can’t wait” to take Eddie’s last name when they’re married. That’s the power of an orgasm, isn’t it? You’ll give away anything and everything just because you’re with a guy who isn’t deathly afraid of vagina, and suddenly you no longer have your name. But there’s an even funnier addendum to this “LeAnn can’t wait to be Mrs. Cibrian (because that always turns out so well)” story. Apparently, LeAnn ordered some Girl Scout cookies – and placed the order under the name “Mrs. Cibrian”. Oh, LeAnn.

She’s not officially engaged yet, but LeAnn Rimes has already taken a big step with boyfriend Eddie Cibrian, 37. According to an insider, not only does LeAnn plan to legally change her name to Eddie’s once she marries him, but she already goes by it informally.

LeAnn recently placed an order for Girl Scout cookies from a troop in her neighborhood of Hidden Hills, and she put the order under Mrs. Cibrian. LeAnn’s rep denies the story.

“In her mind, they’re already married,” a friend explains. “LeAnn never took her ex-husband’s last name, but she can’t wait to take Eddie’s.”

The two can’t get enough of each other. Days after returning from Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, the singer and her beau, 37, jetted to Las Vegas over the Labor Day weekend for yet another romantic getaway.

A close friend of the couple tells In Touch: “They had a great time together in Vegas and looked so in love. LeAnn is very happy living with Eddie and is working on some music, too.”

Adds another friend, “I am sure they will be married in a year.”

[From In Touch Weekly, print edition]

Yes, LeAnn’s rep denies the story. Here’s how I think it went down: Some Girl Scouts went to LeAnn’s house, and she placed an order because, after all, who says “no” to Thin Mints and Tagalongs? LeAnn is delusional and she has no sense of what is and is not appropriate, so she didn’t think anything of placing the order under “Mrs. Cibrian”. Then one of the parents of the Girl Scouts realized what had happened, and he or she called in a tip to In Touch. ITW contacted LeAnn’s rep (that poor bastard), who denied the story because he doesn’t want everyone to know that his client is a fruitcake. Just my theory.

Mr. and Mrs. Cibrian on Sept. 4, 2010. Credit: WENN.

Delusion McMother-of-all-Crackheads speaks! No, that doesn’t quite have the poetry I wanted. Mother Crackhead? That sounds better. Mother Crackhead (aka Dina Lohan) has given an exclusive interview to Radar, and her delusions seriously know no bounds. Dina bitches and whines about her darling CHILD crackhead “doesn’t even have a pillow to sleep on… I talk to her through glass. There’s a phone and we put her on speaker but I can’t even hug my daughter. She’s treated like a common criminal.” While I NEVER! Imagine me, clutching my pearls at the sheer HORROR of a 24-year-old entitled bitch going without a pillow for two whole weeks… all for being a drunken, coked out mess who stole a car and kidnapped three people on a terrifying crackhead journey of destruction AND pissing away the next three years of probation and a gentle slap on the wrists by plummeting even further into a downward spiral of entitled narcissism and cracked-out shenanigans. Hmpf! NO PILLOW!!!!

Lindsay Lohan is NOT getting special treatment in jail and her life behind bars has been anything but comfortable, her mom Dina told RadarOnline.com in an exclusive interview on Thursday.

Lindsay, 24, doesn’t even have a pillow and talks to her mother and other visitors through a glass partition using a telephone, Dina revealed. Some reports have claimed Lindsay has a cell phone but Dina says that’s far from the truth.

“She doesn’t have cell phone privileges, that’s absurd. She doesn’t even have a pillow to sleep on,” Dina told RadarOnline.com exclusively. “I talk to her through glass. There’s a phone and we put her on speaker but I can’t even hug my daughter. She’s treated like a common criminal.”

But the Mean Girls star has been treated well while locked up, according to her mom.

“I have to say that the people inside have been pretty cool to her…the guards and the inmates.” Dina told RadarOnline.com

Lindsay has been at the Lynwood Correctional Center for nine days and is expected to be released any day. She will head straight to an inpatient rehab facility, most likely in Los Angeles. Her mom is greatly relieved.

“We’re all so happy that this is finally coming to a close,” Dina told RadarOnline.com. “When this first happened, we were all hysterical messes. But I’m so proud of Lindsay, she’s been so strong and positive, even under what I consider to be a extremely harsh punishment.”

Dina and Lindsay’s younger sister Ali were on their way to visit the actress on Thursday afternoon.

[From Radar]

And this is why I don’t think Lindsay will ever get better. Because nothing is EVER Lindsay’s fault, so how could anything EVER be Mother Crackhead’s fault? Instead, Lindsay gets praised and the glowing pride of Mother Crackhead, all for spending the “extremely harsh punishment” of two little weeks in a jail cell and being forced to create asinine crack drama to amuse herself – stuff like wailing and crying and begging for special treatment.

As for how Lindsay is really doing in jail, we have no idea, honestly. Dina makes it sound just terrible, like she’s going to call up her good friend Geneva Convention and get them to investigate why there are no Fudgie the Whale cakes on demand. Meanwhile, Lindsay’s lawyer Shawn Chapman Holley seems to want to dial down the crack drama. Holley has given a series of quotes to People Mag and other sources basically saying that Lindsay is just fine. In her most recent statement, Holley said Lindsay is “looking forward to her release… It’s a light at the end of the tunnel.”

Dina Lohan, seen exiting the jail on July 26, 2010. Also, Dina on March 19, 2010. Credit: WENN and Fame. Lindsay at the courthouse on July 20, 2010. Credit: WENN.

Spencer Pratt has given an interview to People Magazine where he attempts to explain why he and Heidi Montag split up. The simple fact that Spencer is giving an interview to People seems reason enough to split, just because Spencer can now get the attention he so craves. At least he admits it though – he tells People that they split because he’s a famewhore and he just wants any kind of press, while Heidi “believes in bad press. There’s no way my love for fame and her love for puppies will ever work out successfully.” Okay, that’s a little funny:

Spencer Pratt always has some strange new ploy for attention up his sleeve – but not his split from wife Heidi Montag.

That, he says, despite the fact that nobody has seen divorce papers and family and Hills castmates are skeptical, is the real deal.

“We love each other but I’m a famewhore and I’ll never grow out of it,” Pratt tells PEOPLE. “[Heidi] knows that and doesn’t want that.”

“I want every kind of press,” he says. “She believes in bad press. There’s no way my love for fame and her love for puppies will ever work out successfully. She just wants to hike and hang out and be calmer.”

As for their infamous “Speidi,” moniker, Pratt says his estranged wife “doesn’t want to be Speidi anymore. She wants to be Heidi Montag: the sex symbol.”

“She thought I’d burn out of this, but no, I’m still the same Spencer who went on The Hills to be famous,” he says. “I still need to do stunts and take cues from Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise.”

Pratt, who mentions he and his ex are “friendly,” says Speidi trouble is nothing new. “It’s been a constant battle since we got married,” he says. “She would be like, ‘Are you really Tweeting that? Are you really doing that?’”

So what’s next for the limelight-loving reality personality?

When fighting cyber crime fell through, Pratt says he decided to grow a beard and turn to art. “I’m switching it up,” he says. “I’ve already gone for the blonde, spiky-haired look. Now I’m going for the Hollywood producer look.”

Continues Pratt: “I’m an artist now. I have an easel and everything. I’m going for an art show and a gallery.”

[From People]

Here’s a question – who is more delusional, Spencer or Heidi? I can’t decide. I think Spencer is right that in Heidi’s mind, she’s going to be a movie star and sex symbol (probably in the same way Lindsay Lohan is currently a movie star and sex symbol). And that’s just… sad. Because Heidi is a freakshow whose only talent is… being a freakshow. But Spencer’s pretty crazy too – “I still need to do stunts and take cues from Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise” – yikes. Verdict: They kind of deserve each other, but I’m still glad Heidi got out. Maybe she can have some semblance of normalcy.