Jessica Biel has a new interview out in the British paper, The Independent (thanks to Lainey Gossip for the link). Now, Jessica Biel isn’t one of those actresses who comes across as interesting, or even sane, in interviews. Personally, I find her personality to be vapid, snotty and bratty, so that probably influences how I read her print interviews. That being said, Jessica does have a history of saying ridiculous, delusional and absurd things. Like the time she claimed her “beauty” was a problem for her career. Or the time after that where she reiterated that she wasn’t getting good acting roles because she’s so gorgeous, this time name-dropping Meryl Streep like she was worthy. Or the time when she pontificated about how she wasn’t “opposed” to being hired for the Twilight films. Or that she’s not “opposed” to doing Broadway. Because her voice is that good.

Anyway, most of Jessica’s new interview is about her voice work in Planet 51, an animated film. Of course the conversation veers into the direction of Justin Timberlake and the “rumors” of a split. That’s what she’s selling, y’all! And of course, Jessica even farts out this absurd line about her career: “”The truth is, you really don’t make these movies thinking, ‘Oh, this one’s it. This is going to get me my Academy Award.’ You don’t think about that.” Like she’s Cate Blanchett or something. Like Biel stole the role in I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry away from Blanchett, just because Biel felt strongly about the character, regardless of the Oscar aspirations of that film. Of course. The full Independent piece is here, but there are some of the good highlights – the writer notes Biel is in “the odd position of being a movie star with no real hits.” Otherwise known as “that girl with the ass” (my words).

Biel on aliens: “I definitely believe in the possibility of intelligent life on other planets. There’s just so much space out there to not believe in that. For me, the idea with this movie is to be open to change. You should be accepting of change because, only through change, can you grow and learn more about yourself, as a human or alien.”

On her most difficult experience as an actress: “Doing any kind of family entertainment comes as a huge relief from making something like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, which was probably one of the hardest experiences for me, emotionally and creatively. It was intense because I was at this high level of freak-out, for about a month. It was just so not this world. That kind of emotional strain was so different. Planet 51 was just fun. I wanted to do it because it was speaking to my inner child. Yes, I want to be an alien. Yes, I want to be green!”

On the rumors Justin Timberlake dumped her: “It’s definitely been weird and sort of bizarre to deal with. But you have to have a sense of humor about the whole thing. Honestly, I look at a magazine and they know more than I do. You do really have to just get into a place where you feel Zen about it – take a deep breath and know that somebody is going to be taking your picture while you’re going to the laundry and picking up your dry cleaning. ”

Biel on how she practices her Oscar speech: “The truth is, you really don’t make these movies thinking, ‘Oh, this one’s it. This is going to get me my Academy Award.’ You don’t think about that. You think, ‘I love this story, I love this character. I can’t wait to play this character.’ And then it comes out and people start talking about it, and it’s exciting. Privately you give this speech and everything, but you really think, ‘Whatever. If I win, amazing.’ I mean, I can’t even believe if that would happen. That would be incredible. But is that the goal for my work? ‘I must win an award’? No. You do think about it, but you don’t dwell on it, because it just sort of feels so untouchable and so unrealistic. You just feel like there’s no way you’d win, so whatever, you just laugh about it and have a good time. But I think I’d be lying to say that you don’t fantasize about it. And I enjoy working. There’s always a constant fear of the unknown as in ‘When am I next going to work?’ That’s always there. I try not to think about that too much, but it’s always a little bit there. When will I work and can I pay my bills? Is it going to be creatively interesting? That’s always there for me, a little bit, as much as I might try to say it’s not.”

[From The Independent]

The last part was my favorite, I swear. From her pontificating on winning an Oscar, to her being somewhat honest about her fears of never working again, it’s some good stuff. Here’s the thing – if she was actually a quality actress, I would find her Oscar talk interesting, and I would applaud her honesty for basically saying “sure, I want one of those!” But considering Jessica Biel thinks her extreme beauty is all she really needs to succeed in Hollywood, and she’s not beating down the door of any drama school, I find her answers sad and delusional. She’s not going to win an Oscar. And talking (with faux humility) about her career in the scope of any awards is something that should be reserved for when you actually are nominated for something. Because right now it just seems like Jessica just introduced “Academy Award” into a conversation about her voice work in an animated film.

Oh, and Justin spent the holidays partying without her.

Jessica Biel attends the Planet 51 premiere at the Mann Village Theater in Westwood, CA on November 14, 2009. Credit: Fame.

Mother of necklace! Look at this thing! These are photos of Jessica from this past weekend, where she walked the red carpet for the premiere of Planet 51. The outfit is sort of cute, but what’s with the cheap, huge necklace. Actually, I bet it’s not cheap. She probably paid a lot of money for that fug piece of jewelry.

Now, Jessica talked to Fox News Pop Tarts about her life and career, which is always a good interview. This girl can’t speak to a reporter without farting out some nonsense about how gorgeous she is or how she’s too beautiful to get the challenging work that she needs. In this interview, Jessica starts out talking about how she would “really like” to do a Broadway musical and find a way to “incorporate my music” into her acting career. Ha! Okay, I’ll stop. Then Jessica talks about the struggles she went through growing up, fighting “overconfidence” and “insecurity”. Yeah, I think she’s dealt with that:

Could we possibly see a collaboration between Jessica Biel and her on again/off again beau Justin Timberlake? After all, the actress has strong intentions to return to her first love – singing.

“I definitely want to do it again, I’ve been dabbling here and there but I would really like to do Broadway or a movie musical, that would be a huge dream come true,” Biel told Tarts while promoting her new animation flick “Planet 51.” “I would love to incorporate my music naturally into my day job.”

And despite spending her teen years growing up on “7th Heaven,” it turns out that Biel herself was no angel.

“Being sixteen was so hard. You’re changing physically; you’re searching for who you’re going to be as woman. You’re fighting with this feeling of over confidence, but there is so much insecurity – how do you deal with boys? I was going through it, definitely pushing the envelope with authority and my parents,” she explained. “I was scared to grow up, but at the same time I just wanted to grow up.”

And although Biel gets to play at least the voice of a strong willed, moralistic teenager in “Planet 51,” she’s sick of the fact that there are pretty much no roles in Hollywood flicks that portray women in a strong, positive light and that can appeal to the whole family.

“It seems a lot of the time it is playing second fiddle to a male character which is never a bad thing, but where are the roles for the female experience from that (strong, admirable) point of view for the young college girls, mothers and grandmothers? A lot of actresses I speak to find the same thing,” she added. “We’re all scrambling for it when something good comes out that actually has a good female character.”

[From Fox News Pop Tarts]

Okay, here’s the thing: I know that when a celebrity or actress isn’t getting hired for anything, she’s supposed to go out to red carpets and give lots of interviews, all in an attempt to get her name out there and force producers to take notice. My problem with Jessica Biel is that when she does it, she always sounds so arrogant and delusional. I mean, she did a minor musical (Guys and Dolls) in Los Angeles, and suddenly it’s like in her mind, she’s the second coming of Julie Andrews. When she talks about her ideal roles, she doesn’t say “Oh, I love to be in the Twilight movies, that would be so cool!” Instead, she gets on her high horse and says crap like “Well, I’m clearly familiar with the films. I haven’t read the books, but I haven’t seen any of the films yet so I’m not that familiar — I know the idea of what it’s about. I mean, maybe [I'd be in the next Twilight film]. That would be lovely. I am not opposed to playing a vampire.” I’ll give her credit for not being riddled with insecurity, like so many celebrities – but I think Jessica’s problem is that she thinks she’s God’s gift. And she’s not.

Here’s Jessica and her massive necklace at the premiere of ‘Planet 51’ on November 14, 2009. Credit: WENN.

Carrie Prejean’s media tour continues! In this episode, Carrie speaks to Christianity Today about how she’s carrying out God’s plan, and how Jesus thinks plastic boobs are kosher. For real! It’s pretty funny actually, and I guess the best thing I can say about the interview (full article here) is that she didn’t throw a tantrum and act like a petulant child. Also, the Huffington Post points out that she is still playing around with the whole sex tape timeline again when she describes her transfer to a more Jesus-y college. Her boyfriend claims Carrie made the “solo” tape for him when she was 20, while Carrie is still claiming it was just something “dumb“ she did when she was “16 or 17”. Maybe we’ll never know the real story! Here’s some of the highlights of her interview:

On when she traded her depraved teenage behavior for Christianity:
I went to Santa Barbara and I found out that it was a big party school, and I just didn’t seem to fit in. So after I came back, I started going to San Diego Christian College, and that’s where I felt at home…I think that was at a Christian school where it’s cool to study on Friday nights, and you don’t have the pressure of going out and drinking, and you are surrounded by people who have the same interests as you. That was a big turning point in my life, when I started going to the Rock, when I was about 18.

On finding forgiveness for Perez Hilton:
Oh yeah. I actually feel really sorry for him. I really do. If you look at his website, it’s kind of scary what he does.

Does your Christian faith inform your views?
Absolutely. If you read the Bible, it seems like everybody is trying to argue with the truth. It’s in the Bible, and if you believe in the Bible you believe it’s the truth. It starts with Adam and Eve and ends with a wedding.

How do you respond to people who might say you hate gays and lesbians?
People who say I hate gays and lesbians are, in a polite way, ignorant. I think they don’t see that just because someone doesn’t agree with redefining marriage that they hate you—I’ve never said that I hated gays. I have friends who are gay. I have hairdressers who are gay. I live in California—that’s the most liberal state there is. I am not afraid of gays. It’s just a personal opinion. They have an opinion; I have my own opinion. Why is my opinion not valid?

Christian groups have asked you to come to their events and included you in advertisements. Did you ever think these groups were exploiting you for their own ends?
No, I think they embraced what I stood for. People forget that I’m 22 years old. Not many people would have done what I did. Everything was on the line; I’d worked so hard for this goal, and I wasn’t willing to lie, to be politically correct to win the pageant. Regardless of who you are, people are drawn toward that. People are drawn toward a 22-year-old speaking out for what she believes in and being brutally attacked because of it. I don’t think any of these groups are exploiting me. I think they’re embracing the younger generation doing something.

On reconciling her breast implants with her Christian faith:
No, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with getting breast implants as a Christian. I think it’s a personal decision. I don’t see anywhere in the Bible where it says you shouldn’t get breast implants.

Can you comment on the reports that you settled a lawsuit against Miss USA because of sex tapes?
Everything that was discussed in mediation was confidential. There is a video out there of me. I was really young and immature. It was the worst mistake of my life. It was a really stupid, stupid decision that I made. But I take full responsibility for it. Did I think I would ever be a celebrity or that my boyfriend at the time, who I sent it to, would ever blackmail me? No. I think we all make mistakes and we all do things when we’re young that sometimes backfire later in life. I give advice to younger girls in my book because I’ve learned a lot since I was 16 or 17 years old.

[From Christianity Today]

Is there anything more to be said about this? No, I think Carrie covered everything. Media = Bad. Breast implants = good. Breast implants that you didn’t have to pay for = even better. Jesus = great. Gay hairdressers = good. Married gay hairdressers = bad. My favorite quote of the whole interview is actually “I wasn’t willing to lie, to be politically correct to win the pageant.” No, but she was perfectly willing to lie after she lost the pageant, and she will continue to lie whenever, however, and as much as she sees fit. This chick is delusional.

Here are more of the “crazy eyes” pictures from Carrie’s speaking engagement at The Family Research Council’s annual ‘Values Voter Summit’ in Washington on September 18, 2009. Credit: WENN.

Before I get to the sketchy aspect of this story – or should I say, the sketchiest part of the story, Lindsay Lohan and her crack pipe took to Twitter on Monday to deny reports that she’d been all over Gerard Butler (or that he’s been all over her). Lindsay crack tweeted from Morocco (she’s still there) “it’s amazing, one minute i’m dumped, the next i’m dating a model, now gerard? WHO HAS THE TIME! such lies -it keeps me laughing J”. Yes, Lindsay. Who has the time? Oh, that’s right. You do. Because you’re only “job” is showing up to red carpet events and sustaining your own insane drama.

Speaking of, Lindsay broke news about a strange attack. Apparently, someone pulled a gun on Lindsay. And the guy even pulled the trigger. Lindsay tweeted the drama:

Umm-OMFG! I was walking ahead of Patrick with the security guard & some guy was following me, then pulled up in his car & pointed a GUN at me! I Was on the phone w/my mum &I screamed and ducked & the guy started laughing & pushed the trigger & it was a fake gun.. I was crying.. he scared me

[From Lindsay Lohan’s Twitter]

Ugh. Does anyone else doubt this actually happened? I’m kind of thinking it was just some drugged out hallucination. Like, “Oh my God, he has a gun! He’s going to kill me!” And then, “Um, Lindsay, that’s a lamp post.”

In one other piece of Lohan news, Fox News 411 has a bullsh-t article up about Lindsay trying to get her act together. A source “close to Lindsay” says: “Lindsay is focused and trying to build her brand. Lindsay has been tough on her employees and the people she paid blindly in the past. She has laid down the law and told them exactly what she wants from them if they expect to get paid. Lindsay is trying not to let herself be used anymore – she refuses to be taken advantage of for her money and she is wising up! She has very few people she can trust and is finally listening to the right ones.” Translation: There’s no money coming in, so she’s going to have to cut down her entourage to the few people who enable her the most.

These are all photos from Lindsay Lohan’s trip to Morocco over the weekend. I think this was probably a paid appearance at “the grand opening night of the Kerzner Mazagan Beach Resort”. Sadly, this kind of thing is the only kind of paying gig Lindsay gets anymore. She looks drugged out, but not as horribly as she did in Paris just a month ago.

Before she left for Morocco, Lindsay Lohan’s crack tweets moved from raging against (off-again?) girlfriend Samantha Ronson to raging against her father. She detoured for a moment to send out some cracked-out Twitter-denials that she hooked up with model (and Samantha Ronson look-alike) Petey Wright, but mostly it’s been about her dad. Here’s the most coherent version (thanks to the Huffington Post) – these are in the order she typed them, so it’s a bit more readable:

My father is a lunatic & doesn’t even deserve such a title since he’s never been around in my life other than when he’d threaten me & my family
He should be where he has always put himself after verbally abusing and physically abusing people all my life-behind bars. Its so sad to get
A phone call from my baby sister just now asking, “why is daddy doing this?” Through tears. He’s crossed the lines & hurt me & my family 4 the
the [sic] last time…. So much for having a ‘dad’….. I’m going to spend some time with the ones that love me & I love now. I appreciate those who
Continue to support me. My fans keep me strong & i love you all so much for it! My second family is what you are to me.

[From Lindsay Lohan’s Twitter via the Huffington Post]

The tweets aren’t as rage-filled and incoherent as the ones directed to Sam, so maybe Lindsay wasn’t as coked up when she wrote them? Or maybe she isn’t really mad? No, she’s mad. Because Dina Lohan gave Page Six a piece of her mind about Michael Lohan and the whole situation. Dina calls Michael “horrific” and says that she and the kids are “afraid he’s spiraling out of control.” Um… wait, Michael is the one spiraling out of control? And not Lindsay?

Lindsay Lohan has teamed up with mom Dina to threaten “loose cannon” dad Michael with jail over his outbursts that Lindsay is killing herself with drugs.

Dina says Lindsay is applying for a restraining order following Michael’s statement that he wanted to kidnap her and force her into rehab. And Dina, who claims the family is afraid of him, is ready to send her ex to jail for nonpayment of child support.

Following reports that Michael plans to go on TV and play her phone messages about Lindsay, Dina told Page Six: “He’s getting a cease-and-desist letter [from us], so that’s not going to happen. If it’s something personal about your child, you don’t go public with it.”

“He is hurting Lindsay. It breaks my heart. She’s like, ‘Mommy, when is he ever going to stop?’ ” Dina said. “He is also six months behind in his child support. On Monday, we will file a violation order, and if he doesn’t pay, he’ll go to jail.”

“He’s getting paid for these shows he’s doing talking about Lindsay,” Dina said. “He’s flying all over the country and not paying for his other three children he’s hurting every time he goes on television. It is horrific that a father could do this. We are afraid he’s spiraling out of control. [Daughter] Ali is scared and will be getting an order of protection. Lindsay is getting an order in California and in New York.”

“He’s desperate, he’s running out of options because none of his children is talking to him. Doors are closing for him, and he’s getting a little nervous, which makes us nervous. We’re scared. But I believe in karma, and his leash is getting tighter,” Dina said. “He just needs to zip his mouth.”

Michael and his lawyer, Anthony Grandinette, did not return calls for comment.

[From Page Six]

Look, I hate Michael Lohan passionately. He’s an emotional and physical abuser, a fraud, a bastard, a toxic parrot, a nihilist, a narcissist who thinks everything is about him, and I think he’s just really, really dumb and gross. All of that being said, Michael’s not totally wrong about Lindsay, even if he is going about this whole faux-intervention in completely the wrong way. Lindsay is a f-cking wreck, and Dina’s obliviousness and enabling aren’t helping Lindsay any more or less than Michael’s general wrongness. But, in the end, does it really matter? Lindsay is an adult. She’s responsible for her own bullsh-t, no matter how crazy her parents are.

Here is Lindsay Lohan at the 2009 Whitney Museum Gala at The Whitney Museum of American Art in New York last night. Where do I even start? Well, Lindsay’s dirty face is back. So I guess she’s back to self-tanning her face. Either than or she really needs to review her foundation choices. Now, for Lindsay’s fashion choices. Lindsay decked herself out in her finest fluffy pink bathroom rug/coat and a shiny gold strapless cocktail dress. The dress isn’t bad, actually. It’s pretty cute. Paired with the pink rug, however, and the high-fashion statement kind of dies a quick death. Plus, Lindsay tops off the ensemble with her pissed-off addict face. She wears that expression a lot – whenever I see her looking like she’s about to tell someone off, I always think “Yeah, she’s high.”

In other Lindsay news, it seems that Samantha Ronson isn’t totally out of her life, as Lindsay’s cracked-out tweets last week would have us believe. People Magazine notes that after Lindsay’s make-out/hookup session with still-married Balthazar Getty over the weekend, Lindsay went to see Samantha deejay at Teddy’s in Hollywood:

After getting close with actor Balthazar Getty earlier in the week, Lindsay Lohan capped off her weekend with a trip to Teddy’s at The Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood to see her on-and-off-again love Samantha Ronson deejay for the crowd, which included Leonardo DiCaprio. The ladies talked non-stop while Ronson spun classics from Guns N’ Roses and Jay-Z during her set, before leaving the club together.

[From People]

While Lindsay was on the red carpet for the Whitney Gala, she spoke to Gossip Cop and denied the whole Balthazar Getty story. She said the rumored hookup was “not true.” She also said that they had just “met for the first time” and asked “Where are the pictures?” to prove People’s story. Lindsay also said: “You think I would do that to Sam [Ronson]? I love her.” Oh, for the love of God. While it’s nice to think that Lindsay and Balthazar didn’t really hookup, I tend to think Lindsay is lying as usual, and People probably got it right.

Lindsay also confirmed that she will seek a restraining order against her father because she fears he might be serious about kidnapping her. She told Gossip Cop, ““I’m going to do it in LA” because, in Gossip Cop’s words, “she’s less afraid of him in New York than in LA, where, we’re told, he unexpectedly showed up to her house.” Ugh. This family.

Photo credit: WENN.com

The other day I noted what I thought was a slightly bizarre report from Radar. It was about how Samantha’s LA home is up for rent after Sam rather furtively moved out while Lindsay was being a crackhead in Paris, not designing budget pasties and maybe doing an ingenious jewelry heist (which Lindsay denied a day later, by the way). I wondered if Samantha was cutting her ties for real this time with Lindsay. A day later, Lindsay posts some “desperate tweets” (Jaybird’s words) to Samantha, barely literate stuff about “her loved ones-hate her brilliance&resent her happiness” and “samantharonson deson’t respond 2me b/c her fmaily will cut her off if she contacts me…They control the one I love&im incapable of making”. Given the news about Lindsay the past few weeks, some cracked-out tweets seemed the least of her worries though. Now I’m not so sure.

Lindsay’s tweets from last night – which she promptly took down this morning but were saves by ONTD – are giving me the impression that Sam has pretty much cut Lindsay out of her life. It seemed to start out with Lindsay asking “what happened?” at Sam. Then it got disastrous. This is like the written version of Lindsay’s infamous cracked-out, weepy, hysterical, drama-queen confrontation of Sam outside of Sam’s home one night over the summer. I’m going to try to write this as one linear, cracked-out thought, so as to maintain whatever integrity Lindsay was going for.

Here we go, Lindsay in her own words: “every1 hears anything & everything about our life neway*y not give them the truth? Ur friends r happy, every1 u abide by when give in more & more to their childish, superficial antics… U TAUGHT me about our “friends” in LA, them coming b/t us, *them being PART OF our “1 on 1” relationship.. I took the biggest chance of my life w/ u & u’ve done nothing but break my heart.” Lindsay continues: “there… public enough 4 your friends & family? Let them know that you stayed w/ me in Singapore. Shame on them 4 encouraging you to lie. That’s not love.. I guess you’re right… Your family is probably right too.. Sorry for falling for you.”

She’s so coked out of her skull, I’m getting a f-cking contact high just reading this sh-t. She’s so whiney and delusional, it’s scary. She’s so self-destructive, it’s pathetic. So… Samantha totally broke it off with Lindsay, don’t you think? Samantha must have listed her reasons to Lindsay, maybe stuff about how Sam’s family and her friends think Lindsay is a crackhead mess. What I’m wondering about it the part about “Shame on them 4 encouraging you to lie.” What is Sam being encouraged to lie about? That she’s done with Lindsay or that she’s not done with Lindsay? I really don’t get it.

Lindsay Lohan is shown in NY on 10/14/09. Credit: WENN.com. Image of Lohan’s crack tweets via ONTD

Lindsay Lohan is still in Paris, being fresh as a daisy, as you can probably tell from these pictures. Ah… Paris. When you want to look, feel, smell, taste and sound likea cracked-out mess, there’s always Paris. This is Lindsay Lohan taking a cigarette break over the weekend as she shopped her ass off. Um… does she have money to shop her ass off? Who even knows at this point. Lindsay’s been in Paris for about three weeks now – do you think she’ll stay there longer? I didn’t expect her to be there this long, actually. She must have found a really good dealer there, or else I think she would be back stateside, don’t you?

While Lindsay’s away, Mother of the Year Dina “Lindsay’s a Genius” Lohan is filling the crack-rock sized hole in out hearts. She’s still talking our ears off about Shoe-Han, but she’s also promoting (re: “whoring”) her other kids. Remember how Lindsay and Ali have a brother named Michael Jr.? Well, 21-year-old Michael’s being pimped too – he’s dropped out of Ithaca College and he’s doing a movie, according to Dina. At her Shoe-Han launch, she told reporters: “Lindsay’s brother Michael is on academic scholarship at Ithaca (college). He’s also doing a movie!” Ugh. If you’d like to read more of Dina’s delusions, OK! had another interview with her – note her anecdotal evidence of Lindsay being a “fashion icon”. It’s sad.

Dina Lohan’s ring finger is aflutter during a Lovemyshoes.com event held Thursday at NYC’s Marc Fisher showroom, setting off speculation that she is set to wed. The reality mom, who likens her relationship with her daughters to “a lioness and cubs,” also defends Lindsay’s low-rated Emanuel Ungaro fashion line, and explains why her oldest starlet was born to design.

While strapping on an open-toed blue boot shoe-store store, Dina gets embarrassed and takes the footwear into the hallway – lest we see her less-than-perfect pedicure. I can’t help but notice the light catching a serious piece of ice on her left ring finger. Hm, is she engaged?

“No,” the divorcee, 47, laughs, shocked. “Where’s the guy? Do you know him? Because that’d be great. Do you have someone?”

Well, typically, in the U.S., a diamond ring on the left hand means one is betrothed…

“Lindsay actually designed this ring,” she explains to me. “She’s designing jewelry, and she put this on my finger. We have a thing – when my girls leave the airports and we leave each other, we put things like a Kabbalah bracelet or the Eye of the Blessed Mother on each other. So she put this on me the last time she left. She designed this ring, and this necklace as well. And I gave her what I was wearing. It’s like a family thing to fly safe. Ain’t it corny?”

Jewels aren’t the only things the Lohan ladies share. They also wear the same shoe size – 8 ½-9.

“Some of the shoes Lindsay gives me, I go ‘I can’t wear those. I’m a mom. They’re a little cheesy,’” she says. “They’re really high heels that only a 23-year-old can get away with. Ali is taller than Lindsay, so she wears flats a lot. She doesn’t want to feel weird or show off because she’s tall.”

Lindsay and Ali will both help their mom on the design front for the under-$100 brand that will include footwear for soccer moms, juniors, teen-tweens and clubgoers. Dina’s shoe line will likely hit shelves in time for Mother’s Day, but the name is up for grabs. It will not be called Shoe-han despite reports, so don’t go purchasing the name online, she cautions.

How is Lindsay coping with the biting remarks after her Emanuel Ungaro line debuted Oct. 4 during Paris Fashion Week?

“It’s silly,” Dina tells me. “Lindsay’s just going to keep doing what she’s doing, and it will sell. I know it because I know Lindsay’s genius in what she does and girls love her. My friend runs FIT, and she said ‘Dina, I was surprised. We asked a question – Who do you admire most as a fashion icon?’ And they said Lindsay. She was almost shocked because of all of the negative press.”

She continues, “Kids don’t care. I used to tell Lindsay ‘when you’re on a talk show, be yourself.’ Because you can tell as a person if someone’s b.s.-ing you or not. If you’re honest, you’re going to be honest. People will read your body, and they’ll know what you’re saying, so we just roll. I don’t really care.”

Dina admits that Lindsay’s always had a passion for fashion.

“Lindsay’s been cutting up clothing since she was three,” she says. “We used to call her ‘Bag Lady’ when she was little. She would have little pocket books. She’s so genius at fashion that I can’t even explain. We’ve been through a lot that kind of sucks, but we’re going to keep moving forward.”

[From OK! Magazine]

Stop. Trying. To. Be. Her. Friend. You’re her mother, for goodness sake. Stop talking about all of the little “cute” jewelry exchanges the two of you do before you fly, because all I can think about is how most of that jewelry is probably stolen. Stop with the “we’re the same size” crap because your daughter dresses like a strung-out prostitute, and you dress like a slightly older strung-out prostitute. Stop defending your trainwreck daughter’s every move, and try to help her. Stop profiting from her. Stop talking. Stop pimping out your other children. Just. Stop.

Michael Lohan has spent this week giving several interviews about Lindsay Lohan’s addictions. One of the many problems I (and others) had with Papa Lohan’s statements was that Michael seems to think that Lindsay is just a prescription pill addict. Not crack, not meth, not coke, not heroin. Just pills. Just yesterday he announced to Radar that he was planning a half-assed public intervention for Lindsay, but made sure to announce that if Dina “wasn’t on the same page” Lindsay’s “intervention” would fail. Now Dina has responded to Michael’s claims, and she’s giving him a run for his delusional money. By the way, Dina said all of the following as she was launching her line of budget footwear “Shoe-Han” yesterday. I would mock her sweater vest, but quite honestly, I think she looks ten years younger than Lindsay.

Dina Lohan has blasted her ex-husband, Michael, for claiming the family was planning an intervention to get their troubled daughter, Lindsay, to deal with her alleged addiction to prescription pills.

Furious Dina told Page Six yesterday: “I don’t go — like my ex — on national television and make things up. He’s estranged from Lindsay; he doesn’t know what’s going on in her life. Michael doesn’t talk to her.”

“I’ve had full custody of all my children for the last 10 years. He has been incarcerated for some of that time, so whatever is going on in Lindsay’s personal life is our business. And for him getting paid to say things about her when he’s five months behind in child support is wrong.”

She continued: “I can’t change Michael to make him do the right thing — that’s up to him and God. But it is hurtful for a child for her own father, whom she has no relationship with, to say things in public about her like that.”

When we asked if Lindsay does have addiction problems, Dina, who sounded tired and emotional, said, “I have no idea what he is talking about. I can’t comment on everything my ex says.”

Lindsay was also hurt by criticism of her debut Ungaro fashion line. Dina said, “The critics can say whatever they want, but Lindsay is a genius.”

She said that, despite her deal with the French fashion house, Lindsay would also be creatively involved in Dina’s shoe line, to debut in May. But the name won’t be “Shoe-Han.” Dina explained, “We are not going to announce the name so every Google and MySpace buys the domain name. Lindsay is signed to Ungaro, but she will definitely have input because she is so talented.”

Taking a final swipe at her daughter’s detractors, Dina pleaded, “Leave Lindsay alone. Let her be a real 23-year-old. Let her grow, and let her artistic abilities flourish. Stop judging the Britneys and the Lindsays. They are very creative girls, and that is a gift from a higher power of God.”

[From Page Six]

Oh. My. GOD. Alright, it’s one thing to be an abusive a-hole trying to get a quick press hit off your damaged daughter’s obvious cracked-out existence (re: Michael). It’s quite another to be so f-cking delusional that you look at Lindsay’s sorry state and think “genius” or “a gift from a higher power of God”. And since when did heart-shaped pasties become a “genius” fashion statement? Probably the same time someone said “Hey, let’s get Dina Lohan to design some shoe!” By the way, “Shoe-Han” R.I.P. I’ll miss that name.

This actually isn’t the first time Dina’s dropped the word “genius” when describing Lindsay. Over the summer Dina claimed, “She’s a genius. Such a good heart. Lindsay will direct one day. She loves directing.” Yeah, directing crack rock into the pipe.

Here’s Dina launching her “Shoe-han” line in NY on 10/8/09. Credit: WENN.com

Lindsay with Mario Testino on October 5th. Image thanks to Fame Pictures .

Back on Tuesday of this week, Lindsay Lohan’s dad, ex-con Michael Lohan, took to the media to describe Lindsay’s addictions. While it could have been a good thing – after all, we know she’s on something - Michael made it clear in his Radar interview that Lindsay’s addictions are of the prescription drug variety. Right. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure Lindsay’s on prescription drugs too. I just think she chases her Adderall with a vodka on the rocks and crack. Anyway, Michael announced that he was “going to get her off the prescription drugs that she’s on” but he didn’t really seem to have much of a plan beyond talking to the press about his daughter’s cracked-out mess of a life. But give him forty-eight hours, and the man’s got a plan! Sort of. Okay, it’s not so much a plan as a half-assed public statement of intent to do something, or at least talk about to anybody who might care.

Hot on the heels of Michael Lohan’s claims that his daughter is addicted to prescription drugs, RadarOnline.com can confirm that the Lohan family wants to stage an intervention for the troubled actress.

“I had a conversation with her, her mother and everyone…over the next couple of weeks I’m going to be doing things in a pretty public way,” Michael Lohan told RadarOnline.com exclusively.

“But Dina has got to get on the same page with me. It’s a serious situation. You can’t just talk about it and tell me that you want to do an intervention and then do nothing.”

A source tells RadarOnline.com that Lindsay relies on a bevy of prescription medications, including Adderall (used for Attention Deficit Disorder), the anti-depressant Zoloft, anti-anxiety and bi-polar drugs.

Michael’s public criticism of his daughter has garnered some backlash from those who say he is betraying Lindsay’s privacy. But Lohan says he knows what he’s doing.

“When Lindsay doesn’t adhere or listen to what I say about serious situations, I feel I have to speak publicly to put pressure on her,” he said. “If she doesn’t take my advice and do what I say…the more pressure I put on her, the more likely she is to eventually do the right thing.”

[From Radar]

So he’s got a plan to make a plan to do some kind of intervention, “in a pretty public way… But Dina has got to get on the same page with me.” Ah, do you see it? The tragic logic, the built-in excuse of that statement? Michael Lohan is hellbent on saving his daughter, and he’ll do anything to save her… except none of it will work unless everyone is on the same page as him. If they’re not, then the “intervention” fails and it’s not Michael’s fault because people just couldn’t get on the same page as him. He really is a classic abuser. It’s always going to be someone else’s fault in his mind. Gee, I wonder where Lindsay got it? Between him and Dina Shoe-Han, none of these kids really had a chance to be anything than trainwrecks.