If Denise Richards stops talking about her divorce from Charlie Sheen and her rebound relationship with married Richie Sambora, she will drop off the face of the earth, which is why she never, ever shuts her big yap about it. Ever. Now that she has her Ryan Seacrest-produced E! reality show to promote, the familiar can of worms has been reopened for the pages of Redbook- but nobody told Denise that those worms are dead, dried up and forgotten.

Were there periods when you believed Charlie’s and your relationship could work?
Yes. Like with any disintegrating relationship you always have those moments when you forget about the bad. Then, of course, I discovered I was pregnant with Lola.

Was that scary or hopeful?
I was happy because I loved being a mother, but I was also terrified. Deep down, I knew we weren’t going to make it. Charlie was happy, though, and that made me feel a little better. But I still ended up filing for divorce when I was six months pregnant. That was the hardest day of my life.

Was there a sense of relief when you did finally file?
I remember the day. I called my mom crying and I said to her, “I escaped the insanity.” And that’s how I felt, that I had been trapped.

Do you think that there is a false perception out there that you’re a seductress?
Well, of course, those are only parts I’ve played in movies. It’s funny; it’s taken me a long time to look at myself as a business from which I make my money. I know that when I did Playboy magazine five months after I had Sam, I was selling a sexy image. At home, I don’t think of myself as sexy. I scoop up dog poop and clean up my kids’ vomit when they’re sick. I wake up looking disheveled and throw on a pair of sweats while I make their breakfast. I hope to have a husband who thinks that’s sexy, but that’s not the perception people have of me. They see me on a magazine cover stealing someone’s husband or wearing very little clothes in a movie—but that’s just an image. And I’m made my money selling that image for better or worse.

Can you play the wholesome girl next door?
I’ve tried to play that girl. I’ve battled with my agents about that and they say, “People don’t see you as the type of girl who has boyfriend problems.” And even when I say, “But I’ve had those problems,” unfortunately, that’s just the way it is. I’m the bitchy girl who steals husbands. I’m finally getting to a place where that’s okay if that’s my niche.

[From Redbook]

“I’ve tried to play that girl.” Uh, yeah, Denise. We’ve all seen your acting. You couldn’t even get cast to play yourself in a movie of your life, okay?

As if beating that dead horse wasn’t enough, Denise also rehashes the details of her icky romance with Bon Jovi guitarist/drunken driver Richie Sambora.

Is part of your goal with your reality show to show the world your other sides?
This show is a great opportunity for people to really see me for who I am. And if they want to say, “She’s still that bitch that stole someone’s husband,” then so be it. At least they’ll say, “She’s the bitch that stole someone’s husband, but she likes dogs and has three pot-bellied pigs.” At least they will be able to see that I have different layers.

You started dating Richie Sambora a few months after filing for divorce, and were accused of breaking up your friend Heather Locklear’s marriage…
I was no longer friends with Heather months before Richie and I got together. I don’t want to say what caused the split, but she and I weren’t even speaking then.

She likes pot-bellied pigs. Finally, I understand what she saw in Sambora.

Denise’s reality show airs this summer on E!, and the channel is airing commercials for it every 3.5 seconds. I can’t even stand it! How’s a person supposed to enjoy “The Soup” with her obnoxious mug flashing on the screen all the time?

Denise Richards is shown on 4/29/08 out in Malibu, thanks to Splash News.

An older image of exes Denise and Charlie with their girls
For her daughter Sam’s fourth birthday party, Denise Richards didn’t go for the standard preschool-pleasing fare like a magic act or a pirate or barbie theme. Richards had a birthday party for her daughter that sounds more like something an adult woman would do with her friends - a spa day:

“There was a sign on the front door that said ‘Sammi’s Spa,’” a source tells Star. “And waiting there were tiny bathrobes monogrammed with each kid’s name,” the source notes. All the girls got their nails painted and their hair done, while the boy’s hair was styled into Mohawks.

[From Star Magazine, print edition, March 31, 2008]

I have a little boy around that age, and there’s nothing more annoying to him than having his hair washed. We got one of those shampoo visors and that seems to have done the trick, but he would surely throw a fit before allowing anyone to style his hair.

Little girls are more into mommy-type activities and might really enjoy a spa day, but it sounds more like a publicity stunt for Richards’ new reality show than something a four year-old would ask for. Star notes that “everything was filmed for Denise’s upcoming reality show” so you know why she didn’t throw a party fit for four year-olds.

Richards won a court battle in January with her ex, Charlie Sheen, to include their daughters on television and claimed that the girls said they wanted to be on TV and that they love to dress up and get their hair done. Her daughters are 2 and 4.

Another stunt that Richards recently pulled for the show was having her “Charlie” tattoo on her ankle removed. At least it didn’t involve exploiting her daughters. That’ll show him Denise!

This show is going to be distilled down to clips of Richards looking like the ultimate stage mom and will hopefully do more damage to her already-poor image. Her next career move will probably involve pushing her daughters into some sort of show business venture. She’s just prepping them for it with this reality show.

Sam and Lola better practice their scowls - it’s their only defense against commercials and child modeling.

Header image is an older one of Denise, Charlie Sheen and their two girls, Sam and Lola, thanks to Splash News.

The open animosity between former spouses Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards just keeps boiling. After Denise went to court to gain the right to feature their two young daughters on her upcoming reality show, Sheen and fiancé, Brooke Mueller, have gone on the offensive, urging people to boycott the show and calling it exploitive. Now, Sheen is placing the blame squarely on the tiny head of the show’s executive producer, Ryan Seacrest.

Charlie Sheen is so furious with Ryan Seacrest for producing his ex-wife’s upcoming reality show that he wants to punch the TV host’s lights out–and that’s no “Idol” threat, say sources.

The “Two and a Half Men” star has been locked in a bitter feud with Ryan ever since Seacrest and E! Entertainment signed a deal with Denise Richards for a summertime series and her two small children with Sheen, Sam, 3, and Lola, 2.

“Charlie opposed this thing right from the start,” a pal told the Enquirer. “He thinks it’s wrong for Denise and Ryan to be exploiting the kids.”

Charlie, 42, was so livid her took the matter to court, but a judge gave the project a green light. After that, Charlie — who has been friends with Ryan, 33, for more than 12 years– called the “Idol” host several times, trying to convince him to stop working on the series.

But Ryan refused to budge, saying, “I’m sorry, but this isn’t about friendship, it’s about business.”

Charlie screamed at him: “How could you do this to me?” said the source. “How can you allow my children to be used as pawns like this just so you and Denise can make money off them? The two of you are despicable! You are the scum of the earth, lower than low! And you better watch out, pal. Right now, I’m so mad I could punch your lights out!”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, March 3, 2008]

The article goes on to say that Sheen’s publicist denies that this conversation ever happened. But I, for one, hope that this time, The Enquirer is right. I’d love to see Charlie wipe the floor with Ryan Seacrest, although it wouldn’t really be a fair fight. I’m so sick of Seacrest and his ridiculous antics. He’s been humping America’s leg for seven years as the host of “Idol,” and his ego seems to be out of control, as evidenced by his completely inappropriate interviewing skills during the red carpet segment of the Academy Awards.

The real victims in this whole situation are Sam and Lola. There has not been a single indication in these girls’ young lives that they have any desire to be in the public eye– in fact, every time Denise drags them to a movie premiere or event, they looks absolutely miserable. Why does she insist on thrusting them into the spotlight when they clearly do not want this kind of lifestyle?

Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller are shown below at An Evening with “Two and a Half Men” at The Academy of Television Arts & Sciences on 2/27/08, thanks to PRPhotos.

Well it’s official: now that Denise Richards has legally established that she can put her daughters on television, E! has announced that she will be starring in her own reality show. Which, if it’s anything like Richards herself, will be elegant, understated, and totally non-crazy. It’s obviously not a big surprise that she’s getting a show, since Denise had to do battle with ex-husband Charlie Sheen to get the court’s permission to show daughters Sam and Lola. The two girls have never once been photographed looking anything less than totally miserable, so I’m guessing it’s going to be pretty sad to watch them in half hour stretches. Denise’s fabulous new show will focus on what a great single mom she is, and profile a famous woman’s struggle to get her life back on track after a nasty divorce. [Read all those lines in a bitchy/snarky/sarcastic tone].

The actress has signed with E! Entertainment Television and Ryan Seacreast Productions to star in a new unscripted series, “The Untitled Denise Richards Show” debuting this summer.

“I’ve been approached before [about a reality show] and the timing wasn’t right,” Richards told Seacrest on his early-morning radio show Tuesday. “It’s time for people to see what I’m really like.” Seacrest said he had to “beg” and “grovel” to persuade the actress to do the show, though Richards says she’s eager to team up with the “American Idol” host. Both Seacrest and Richards will serve as executive producers. “That girl has led an interesting life,” said Seacrest. ” ‘Interesting’ being the operative word.”

“There’s been so many negative things about me in the press, most of it not true,” said Richards. “I thought that, at the time, it was the right thing to do. Take the high road and keep quiet and keep things private … but it was very hard. I want the opportunity for people to see what I’m really like and judge for themselves.”

[From the Daily News]

Something tells me people are going to judge her boring, crazy, and/or empty, just based on the couple of times I’ve seen Denise Richards interviewed for about 38 seconds. She is super good at playing vapid pretty girls because she’s not a good actress, so it works. It was really hard to figure out who was the crazy one in her divorce from Charlie Sheen. Someone was clearly telling lies because they could not agree on a single point, no matter how insignificant. I think when all was said and done, it turned out they were both crazy, with Richards having the edge at slightly psychopathic. It sounds like Denise has found her true calling: I can think of no personality traits more suited to reality television.

Here’s Denise at the launch of Dr. Rey’s Shapewear on October 25th. Talk about going to the opening of an envelope. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Charlie Sheen, Charlie Sheen, what do I think of you? I’m sure you’re hunkered down in your bed right now fretting over that very question, huh? Well I used to think you were a horny pervy mess who used Heidi Fleiss’s hookers way too much. Though that implies that there’s an acceptable amount of hookerage that’s okay, and that’s not really the case. But you took it to some legendary extremes. Then I felt kinda badly for you, because Denise Richards was sorta crazy and losing her mind while trying to use your kids to punish you. But then I heard some crazy messages you left for her, and it sounds like you have bigger issues than previously mentioned… and you were already looking quasi-insane. But now, here you are, getting your tattoos lasered off for your fiancée, and that’s pretty nice of you. So I’m left in a moral quandary, and I can’t really tell you where I stand. But I’ll keep you updated.

“What’s the difference between love and tattoos? Tattoos last forever. But Charlie Sheen hopes to change all that by promising to remove his 13 tattoos for fiancée Brooke Mueller, 30, who is apparently not a fan of her man’s ink. According to the New York Post’s Page Six, the once hard-partying actor doesn’t remember getting some of the tats, like the stingray on his left ankle or the dragon wearing glasses. A tat of a wooden sign nailed to his chest above his heart reads, ‘Back in 15 minutes.’

“‘That one was meant to be an ashtray but went horribly wrong,’ Sheen, 42, has said. ‘I can’t even remember the year I got it.’ The Two and a Half Men star is no stranger to tattoo removal. With the help of a laser, he’s already blasted off the ‘Denise’ tattoo he had inked on his left wrist in honor of ex-wife Denise Richards.”

[From Us Weekly]

I wish I wasn’t a crazily superstitious person, but I am. I don’t walk under ladders, open umbrellas inside, or throw fortunes from cookies away. That last one is a superstition I invented myself, but I totally think it’s true. And I’m pretty sure that there’s no quicker way to doom a relationship than to get someone’s name tattooed on your body. It’s just asking for failure. I once tried to convince a (now) ex-boyfriend to get Thumper the rabbit tattooed somewhere for me, and I’m pretty sure the reason our relationship lasted as long as it did is that he didn’t listen. Though I still think it’d be freaking cute, Charlie Sheen should totally get a Thumper tattoo. It’s this joyous mix of tough guy (hello, tattoo!) and sweet, cuddly guy (hello, foot pounding rabbit!). Just a thought. Put Brooke’s name on it somewhere and I’m sure she won’t mind a little bit. And it won’t doom their relationship at all. Because I think his prior history already takes care of that.

Picture Note by Jaybird: Here’s Charlie Sheen at the CBS Summer Press Tour in July. He had “Denise” tattooed on his left wrist, so either his watch is just perfectly placed, or he’s been working on the tattoo removal for a while. Images thanks to Splash Photos.

Every few weeks some new detail comes out in the Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards divorce that seems to swing my opinion toward the other party. While I thought that Richards was cruel and heartless for trying to deny Sheen overnight visits with his daughters Sam, 2, and Lola, 3, the e-mails he sent her that she brought up in her custody battle make him seem a lot less innocent in the matter.

While even if all this is true he doesn’t seem to pose a threat to his daughters, he still comes off as a jerk with a short temper and a mean streak. That’s what Richards surely wanted to convey to the world when she made his nasty e-mails to her public.

Sheen is said to have called Richards a “jobless pig” and to have told her to “go cry to [her] bald mother.” Richard’s mother is undergoing treatment for cancer so that’s particularly cruel:

GO cry to your bald mom, you [bleeping] loser,” Charlie Sheen wrote to Denise Richards in an e-mail the actress included in documents filed last week in L.A. Superior Court in the couple’s custody battle.

“You are a pig. A sad, jobless pig who is sad and talentless and sad and jobless and evil and a bad mom, so go [bleep] yourself sad jobless pig,” reads another.

“You are an evil piece of [bleep]. I can’t wait to tell the world what a piece of [bleep] you are. You don’t get a [bleeping] dime till this is resolved,” says a third e-mail.

Richards says in her court filing that she was particularly hurt by the one about her mother, who is undergoing chemotherapy treatments for cancer.

Pictures of Sheen’s “erect penis” that Richards says he used for his profile on sex sites are also included, which Richards claims he e-mailed to “approximately 30 women.”

“I’d love to give it to you any time,” Sheen wrote to one woman under the screen name “mrjonze55.”

Richards says Sheen even visited gay pornography sites - “which I found even more disturbing because I felt that the boys looked underage,” the documents state.

Richards accuses Sheen of punching the headboard of their bed once in a rage, and telling her that by no longer breast-feeding, she was causing their daughter, Sam, to “become retarded.”

[NY Post]

A lot of women bring up their husband’s interest in porn in divorce cases. Guys like porn, it’s just how they’re wired. As long as it doesn’t interfere with your relationship and they’re not spending an inordinate amount of time on it or letting the kids see it, I don’t see the harm.

Still, if Sheen was e-mailing pictures of his dick around unsolicited that’s another thing. I doubt all these women consented to receiving the pictures, but if he was already separated or divorced from Richards and asked the other parties if they were open to receiving the pictures, that’s his business. I never got the appeal of pictures of naked guys with erections, but as long as he’s not doing it around his daughters or forcing it on unsuspecting women, who are we to judge his kinks?

The NY Post reminds us that Sheen apologized before these e-mails were leaked, saying “I have been responsible for some of the worst dialogue [sic] and venom-spewing behavior in the past few weeks that I can possibly recall, ever.”

He still seems like someone who honestly wants to see his daughters and doesn’t pose a threat to them. Richards is saying he’s into underage-”looking” porn, but if you look up porn online it’s hard to avoid the younger-looking women. (Which just seems sad and borderline criminal even if they’re over 18.)

It’s hard to imagine people being this nasty to each other when there are children involved, and I hope they can keep their mouths shut and try to get along for the sake of their daughters. Although they may be young now, the stuff Richards is making public will be available for their kids to look up as soon as they can type.

Here are pictures from the 2 and a Half Men 100th anniversary party yesterday. Charlie Sheen is shown with his fiance, Brooke Wolofsky.Thanks to PRPhotos.

I’m starting to think Denise Richards is a whole lotta psycho. Not that she ever seemed anything less than dumb and kinda crazy, but I think she may be talking it up a notch or twelve. The problem is that the guy she’s doing it against is Charlie Sheen, and historically he hasn’t been known for being a pillar of morality or normalcy either. So the biggest part of the challenge is to sort out who’s psycho and who’s just crazy. And I’ve decided my money is on Richards for the psycho trophy. (In case you’re wondering, it looks like the Emmy statuette but it holds a little golden knife). Sheen responds to Richard’s accusations of sexual impropriety in a pretty long letter in which he states that he won’t dignify the majority of the complaints with a response… and then does just that. I don’t normally like to quote long diatribes in their entirety, but to really make my point I’m going to let Sheen’s ‘tribe speak for itself. Yes I just coined a new word. ‘tribe, as in “diatribe.” Tell your friends.

“I will not dignify the majority of these allegations set forth by Denise Richards with any measure of response. On its best day it remains laughable and inane. For the record, as well as for the scales of morality, the following must be clarified: Two years ago, when this circus first arrived, I chose a high road position and remained quiet and dignified. Yet, based on the resurfacing of certain specific claims, made in a severe and grievous manner, illustrating Ms. Richards poor judgment on every possible front, I must counter with these FACTS.

“The FBI was aware of these issues. I provided them with every computer I owned. The computers were returned two weeks later. Haven’t heard from them since. Period. The end. During the 18 months before my request to select my own child care provider, not a single complaint was made or received regarding the welfare of the children while under the care of myself and/or Brooke. I repeat - NOT A SINGLE COMPLAINT by either Ms. Richards herself, or her representatives and nanny.

“All of this, keep in mind, is because I asked the court to grant me the legal and God-given freedom of choice to hire my own child care provider. I have asked that the Court eliminate Ms. Richards ability to abuse and harass us any longer. One can only imagine what we’ve withstood thus far.

“Brooke and I remain committed to the task at hand. These unlawful and diabolical accusations will not distract us from the focus of our resolve. Shortly before unleashing her attack Mr. Richards asked for another baby via a sperm donation, after her divisive attempts at a reconciliation behind Brooke’s back failed. She was flat out rejected.

“I am making every possible effort to assure that the courts focus on my children and their welfare. My refusal to dignify garbage needs to be understood in the context of the history of this case and Denise’s need and desire to make it about issues that do not involve anything other than her emotions.”

[From Extra]

I remember when my parents went through an especially acrimonious divorce several years ago, and they wrote a lot of angry letters to each other. They chose to send theirs to “Access Hollywood” instead of “Extra,” feeling at the time that it was a little classier today. Of course these days “Extra” is the classier of the two, and I like to think that, if they were to divorce again, my parents would be as classy as Charlie Sheen and go that route.

This all bodes really well for Sheen and Richard’s two daughters. Because nothing says love like vaguely veiled hints that your father may, at any time, molest you, while your mother sits in the corner pulling the hairs off the cat one by one.

Note by Jaybird: Here’s Charlie and fiancé Brooke Mueller at the Emmys. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Charlie Sheen has been outspoken about the fact that his ex wife, Denise Richards, has been less than gracious in letting him have court-ordered time with his two girls. He accused her a few weeks ago of sending an assistant to spy on him when he was visiting with Sam, 3, and Lola, 2. A judge ordered that a nanny of Richard’s choice should accompany Sheen during his time with the girls - and Richards sent her personal assistant.

More explosively, Sheen says that Richards asked him to father another baby with her, a charge she adamantly denies, but one that Sheen says he has documentation to prove. He made the allegations to Entertainment Tonight last month:

“There was a request for a donation,” Sheen, who is now engaged to Brooke Mueller, tells TV’s Entertainment Tonight, as reported on the Web site for its sister show, The Insider.

“Without getting into it here,” the The Two and a Half Men Emmy nominee, 41, tells ET’s Mark Steines, “there is a specific document relating to this that I am going to reserve for a court.”

Asked if he would take this alleged offer from Richards seriously, Sheen replies: “I would sooner, in exactly what I’m wearing, walk on the surface of the moon. Does that answer it?”

Richards denied Sheen’s claim, telling The New York Post’s Page Six column Monday: “I don’t want another child right now. I have my hands full.”

In response to Richards’s denial Sheen replied, “She can make every claim in the world. But what she stated in something she wrote would completely and totally defy that.”

[From People.com]

Now Richards is trying to stick it to Sheen and is petitioning the court to revoke his overnight visits with the girls. She’s bringing up the same allegations she exposed during their divorce, that he’s into Internet porn and underage girls. By dragging all this up again, she’s only making herself look bad. Sheen responded to her allegations evenly and makes it clear that her tactics are all too transparent:

In the papers obtained by Access Hollywood, Richards is asking the court to terminate Sheen’s overnight privileges with the couple’s two daughters (ages 2 and 3).

The filings are filled with explosive accusations against Sheen, with Richards claiming her ex-husband still exhibits “inappropriate behavior… and conduct,” including “his attraction to underage women and his sexual explicitness on the Internet, including revealing his private parts.”

Sheen released the following statement to Access Hollywood on Wednesday:

“Clearly the mother of my children has no interest in responsible co-parenting when it comes to my relationship with our girls. She behaves as though she OWNS our children. She does not. A day of legal reckoning for her is fast approaching. The truth will prevail. It always does.”

[From Access Hollywood]

Sheen is happily engaged to a new woman, and that’s got to get under Richards’ skin. She has yet to be tied a new man after Richie Sambora and there was a rumor that she was using an incredibly expensive dating service to try and land a rich guy. I’m not saying a woman needs a man to be happy or to behave cordially, just that someone who is already a super bitch is probably much worse when she doesn’t have a man doting on her. Sheen is no angel and maybe he did share some penis pics online, but I doubt he’s anything but a loving father to his girls. Richards always manages to come off like the bitter vindictive party in their divorce.

Charlie and Denise are shown in the header image on 10/20/03 at the Scary Movie 3 premiere. Denise is shown below on 6/22/07 at the Ratatouille premiere. Her daughters usually look miserable at events. Thanks to PRPhotos for these images.

While tabloid reports had Denise Richards breaking up with Richie Sambora over his drinking problem, a report in yesterday’s NY Daily News claims that Sambora was the one who pulled the plug on their rebound relationship. Richards was devastated during their Hawaiian vacation at the end of January when, instead of proposing as expected, Sambora broke up with her. She even hid their breakup for months, referring to the relationship in a subsequent interview with Glamour magazine as if they were still an item.

Now Denise is looking for a new man who can provide for her in the luxury brand-name style that she’s accustomed to. She’s said to have hired a super expensive matchmaker who specializes in setting up gold diggers like Denise with millionaire mates looking for trophy wives:

Denise Richards is looking for a husband the old-fashioned way - by using a matchmaker! But the price of finding true love isn’t cheap. Insiders tell Star that Denise, 36, could be paying up to $50,000 to find Mr. Right through an exclusive matchmaking agency.

“It’s a very high-end service, and it’s extremely private,” says the source. “They ask for as much as $50,000 for a two-year contract. They have thousands of clients and specialize in very wealthy executives. These men don’t have time to hunt for a mate. Also, the type of women they are looking for - beautiful and successful - doesn’t [sic] hang out at bars. They have to be found.”

[From Star Magazine print edition, July 16, 2007]

It seems like Denise could save a lot of money by looking online like so many other people. She probably isn’t that computer or Internet-savvy, though, and might get duped. She also might run into her ex, Charlie Sheen. Last year he was said to be using a site called millionairematch to look for a mate.

Whatever Sheen was doing to find a girlfriend, it seems to have worked. He has been dating a 28 year-old real estate investor, Brooke Wolofsky, since last June. The two were most recently photographed together in May of this year and are assumed to be doing well. Maybe Sheen can give Richards a little advice on how to find someone online.

Header image is of Denise and Richie’s Hawaiian vacation in January and is from SplashNews.

Attention whore Denise “Heather wasn’t my best friend” Richards is said to be engaged to Bon Jovi guitarist Richie Sambora. The two lshot to fame at the beginning of the year when Denise went through a nasty finger-pointing divorce with Charlie Sheen at the same time Sambora was divorcing his wife, Heather Locklear. Richards and Sambora were neighbors, and Locklear and Richards used to be friends, with sources claiming that Richards encouraged Locklear to file for divorce from Sambora.

Denise was spotted with a diamond on her left ring finger back in mid-June, sparking engagement rumors. Denise and Richie spent a romantic vacation together in Paris at the time, and news outlets said that it was no coincidence that the paparrazi knew exactly where to find them.

It was rumored as early as late May that they were planning a wedding to take place early next year when both of their divorces were final. Now that Denise has reached an amicable settlement with Charlie, it seems like things are moving along and they’re now said to be engaged:

A couple of weeks ago there was a story that Richie wanted to get back together with Heather and sent her a $500 worth of roses, but that may have been fabricated.

Here are Denise and Richie at the Fashion Rocks Concert yesterday. Denise is also shown out in West Hollywood on August 24th. [