Oh my, Diane Sawyer was “maintaining” as Kaiser puts it, last night during her job as co-anchor for ABC’s election coverage. She was slurring her words, acting goofy, and basically embarrassing her co-anchor, George Stephanopoulos, who stared at her stony-faced as she went on babbling about the election. It was fun for me to watch on several levels. Of course because Sawyer was so visibly wasted, and also because I never watch ABC for election night, I flip between MSNBC and CNN. Plus I actually missed the point last night when they called the election for Obama! I was so tired I passed out before that happened. I’m still burned from staying up until 4am in 2000. Anyway, so many people noticed Diane’s inebriated state, and it was so non-debatable, that People Magazine is now carrying this story. It’s already a meme.

Barack Obama supporters had plenty to toast to Tuesday night when the President claimed victory over Republican candidate Mitt Romney.

Also saying cheers to the end of a tight election season: Diane Sawyer?

Amid the nail-biting unveiling of the presidential election results, some viewers of ABC’s news coverage were just as focused on host Sawyer, 66, wondering on social media if her political celebrating got the best of her. Her seemingly odd conduct was even chronicled by the Associated Press, which noted her slow speech and the way she seemed to hold out her arms to prop herself up as the election night results trickled in.

Of course, social media outlets lit up with observations about the veteran broadcaster’s commentary, which seemed off and, at times, slurred, with co-host George Stephanopoulos.

But her coverage fell short for some political junkies, who wondered if the motto of the night was “four more years” … or “four more beers.”

The Internet’s infatuation with “Drunk Diane Sawyer” quickly followed in the footsteps of the debates’s Big Bird, binders full of women and bayonets. The comparatively light-hearted political commentary continued through the results — on a parody account.

[From People]

Here’s a link to the Drunk Diane Sawyer Twitter account that People mentions – it’s hilarious.

im not drunk u gusys r dunk

— Drunk Diane Sawyer (@DrnkDianeSawyer) November 7, 2012

As Crazy Days and Nights puts it, Paula Abdul was like this for a few seasons on American Idol. We can learn to live with occasionally drunk Diane Sawyer. She makes much more sense than Paula ever did.

In response to this story, an ABC executive supposedly told The Daily Mail (off the record, so they could be making it up) that Diane was just “exhausted” and that “Diane’s been up for days and she’s had many sleepless nights. She was covering the hurricane and then preparing for the election broadcast.” It sounds like how I prepare for Oscar night – with some cocktails.

Ready, set at the @abc desk for Election Night. RT if you’ll be watching as America chooses a President. #YourVoice twitter.com/DianeSawyer/st…

— Diane Sawyer (@DianeSawyer) November 6, 2012

Did you guys get a chance to read the full Vanity Fair “interview” with Julia Roberts for the April issue? It sucked. Hard. We covered the first excerpts from the story here, and you can read the full cover story here at VF (but only if you have the VF app!). When I got my issue, I was kind of disgusted by what passes for a Vanity Fair cover story these days – VF is in the unique position to really do in-depth, expansive, interesting celebrity profiles of the crème de la crème of Hollywood. But instead of, oh, having Julia Roberts sit down with a talented celebrity journalist for a long-winded interview, the VF dude put Julia with her friend, director Mike Nichols, and she and Nichols just sat around for an hour, kissing each other’s asses. Nichols hasn’t even directed Julia in YEARS. To be fair to Julia, VF has been doing these weird, sycophantic, “let’s send the celebrity’s friend to fake-interview them” cover stories a lot lately – it’s like they’re afraid to have a real interviewer just ask a celebrity real questions.

Anyway, it seems that Julia’s VF story pissed off someone else too – Mike Nichols’ wife, Diane Sawyer. Diane versus Julia!!

Diane Sawyer is furious over Julia Roberts’ shockingly intimate relationship with her husband, iconic director Mike Nichols. Julia flirted openly with the still-dashing 80-year-old director during a recent interview for Vanity Fair, calling Nichols a “father figure.” Julia told Nichols, “You know, my father died when I was nine years old. Mike, I am so beholden to our relationship. You really are a father to me, and I’m so grateful to be in your love and good care all these years.”

When Diane read that, she flipped out, revealed an insider. “Diane couldn’t believe it,” said the source. “She felt that Julia was really playing up to Mike, and it made her cringe. Yes, Julia and Mike have worked with each other and are friends, but they hardly have a father-daughter relationship. Diane thought Julia was really laying it on thick!”

Nichols directed Julia in “Closer” and “Charlie Wilson’s War”, in 2004 and 2007 respectively.

The source said: “Diane travels around the world for work, and she’s away quite a bit so she guards her relationship with Mike like a hawk. She doesn’t like anyone – much less Julia Roberts – trying to be overly familiar with her husband. She’s fit to be tied!”

[From The Enquirer, print edition]

Now… do I believe this? Eh. I believe its essence. I believe that Julia was really pouring on the charm and yes, she was flirting with Nichols throughout the whole piece. She’s JULIA!! That’s who she is. She flirts with every man, married, single, gay, straight, whomever. She has to hold every man’s attention. It’s her “thing”. Now, I think Diane Sawyer knows this about Julia. Diane and Mike Nichols are couple-friends with Julia and probably with Danny Moder too (God knows). Diane and Mike have come out to support several of Julia’s projects, and I believe that everybody gets along in a work-friendly kind of way. I don’t see Diane as the type of woman to be super-pissed at Julia being Julia. But I bet Diane rolled her eyes at the VF story. And I’m surprised Mike Nichols didn’t roll his eyes at that “father figure” line.

Photos courtesy of WENN, VF.

Poor Diane Sawyer. ABC News kept her on the air for an entire 24 hours over the course of the inauguration. Not surprisingly, Sawyer started acting odd and goofy, with many wondering if she was drunk. She was rambling on about kids and the Jonas Brothers in an intoxicated, slurring fashion. But it turns out Sawyer didn’t attend a single inaugural ball (thus wasn’t overindulging in the open bar) – and her crazy, slurred speech was probably just due to extreme exhaustion.

The Inaugural Balls went on all night and it looks like Good Morning America’s Diane Sawyer enjoyed the open bars. Thanks, ABC, for not pulling her off the air despite all this slurred nonsense.

Thanks to hero intern Bette Bentley for compiling this wonderful video of America’s Drunkest Former Nixon Staffer Journalist mumbling things about children and boots.

CORRECTION, JESUS: Diane Sawyer did not attend a single ball! She was up all night reporting. So they just had her on GMA after a full 24 hours of being on television despite the fact that no news actually happened yesterday, or this morning. It was a sick Jackass-style stunt of some kind we think?

[From Gawker]

Wow, that was really, really harsh of ABC. I’m fairly certain they’ve got other reporters. They should have figured out some kind of shift schedule or something. Sawyer really does seem like she’s inebriated, but unless she had enough time to get away from the cameras and consistently down a few, I doubt there’s any chance of that. Exhaustion can do crazy things and really mess with your head in a way you wouldn’t believe possible… until it happens. I wonder if she or ABC will address this matter on the air and offer an explanation? Hopefully they’ll be more mindful in the future, and will work out some way to keep their reporters from appearing soused on the air.

Jeremy Piven announced in mid December that he would drop out of the Broadway play Speed The Plow due to mercury poisoning. Producers expressed doubts that he was being sincere and threatened to sue. Now they’ve gone through with it.

The producers of “Speed-the-Plow” say they have filed a grievance with Actors’ Equity Association, the stage actors’ union, against Jeremy Piven for abruptly leaving the Broadway revival last month.

Piven quit the David Mamet comedy less than two months after it opened to favorable reviews at the Ethel Barrymore Theatre. The actor’s doctor said Piven was unable perform because of high levels of mercury in his system, possibly caused by eating large amounts of raw fish.

No date for the grievance proceedings was announced.

[from Yahoo]

Hopefully it won’t take too long for the proceedings to begin. Piven has been asking for trouble for some time now. He’s either in the news for winning an Emmy on a show in which he plays a scumbag, or in the news for being an actual scumbag.

Jeremy Piven went on Good Morning America on Thursday to defend himself. The public may have believed his story if his own production wasn’t suing him. If you’re going to go on Good Morning America to defend yourself because the entire entertainment industry thinks you’re full of it, it would probably be a good idea to talk to a real doctor and get some real facts beforehand. Instead, Piven defends his rambling medial explanations by telling Diane, “I’m not a doctor – I just don’t even play one on TV.” Truer words were never said.

Note by Celebitchy: I don’t know if I believe Piven, but it’s incredibly careless for Good Morning America to quote some doctor that claims you have to have hundreds or thousands of times the limit of mercury to experience effects like that. The FDA recommends limiting consumption of certain types of fish, particularly for pregnant women and children, and misleading statements like that make it seem as if mercury is harmless when it can cause severe, long lasting health effects. If Piven is telling the truth, he’s being hampered by the fact that he’s such a douche no one will buy his story, including his employers.

Jeremy Piven is shown at the Golden Globes on 1/11/09. Credit: WENN

Diane Keaton was on Good Morning America this morning, and randomly started going off on how hot Diane Sawyer is. I’ve never given it much thought, but when forced to by Keaton; I will admit that Diane Sawyer is one hot nugget. That’s my new phrase, tell your friends. Keaton goes off, verbally devouring Sawyer from head to toe, while she looks remarkably uncomfortable for a few seconds. I’m guessing that when Diane Sawyer got up that morning, she probably didn’t roll over, look at Mike Nichols and say, “You know what, I have a feeling someone’s going to tell me what a blazing hottie I am today.”

Diane Keaton starts out by talking about how she’s worked so hard on her personality, and then notes:

“Of course I wanted to be beautiful, which brings me to my real point. Let’s talk about you. No, I’m serious. I was looking at you on television, and I honestly do not understand why more hasn’t been made of how beautiful you are. Because you, are a beautiful woman.”

Sawyer kind of half shakes her head here, but it seems more like “I can’t believe we’re discussing this” rather than a refutation of her incredible beauty. Keaton resumes, “I am not kidding you for one minute, and how more hasn’t been made of this…” At which point Sawyer interrupts her and makes a joke about Keaton trying to butter her up, as she’s clearly uncomfortable and losing control of the interview a little bit. But Keaton just won’t quit, and pushes forward. “You don’t want to talk about this, but you know it’s true.” To which Sawyer responds that Keaton is “very kind.” As Keaton continues, Sawyer tries to move on, but Keaton rushes back, and starts in on her lips.

Those lips, I mean I love ‘em. I’d like to have lips like that. Then I wouldn’t have worked on my f’ng personality!

Keaton went on to note that if she had nice full lips like Diane Sawyer’s, she’d be married by now. Assuming she could find a man with a penchant for potty mouths. I can’t decide if the interaction is awesome, hilarious, or creepy. I’ll let you all decide.

Jennifer Lopez smirked her way through David Letterman’s baby blabber, and ignored Diane Sawyer’s hints at how ‘happy she was’, but no direct baby questions were asked. Are we getting the impression that maybe some kind of pre-interview confidentiality agreement is out there? After all, David wasn’t exactly polite to Paris Hilton last week about going to prison. Maybe J.Lo is scarier than Paris?

However, one person has signed nothing but divorce papers from Marc Anthony, and she has a word to say about J.Lo’s pregnancy.

Jennifer Lopez is pregnant, says her husband Marc Anthony’s ex-wife.

Dayanara Torres – who has two children with Marc – confirmed Jennifer and her singer husband are expecting their first child.

The former Miss Universe said yesterday (09.10.07): “I found out a day ago. I suppose they will be happy because when my sister had her baby they were happy.”

Jennifer, who is currently touring with Marc, has remained silent about the rumoured pregnancy – instead choosing to disguise her figure in loose-fitting outfits.

Monsters and Critics

I’m glad Jennifer’s stepkids will like the baby, but here’s a weird response J.Lo’s publicist gave to Dayanara Torres’ statement.

“What happened was that the day before I had shown Dayanara the pictures which have been spreading through the Internet of Jennifer, and I warned her that, as had been published, she might be pregnant. I did it in case the children asked her. The eldest is six years old, and he hears the comments at school and on the press. But the truth is we know nothing.”

E!Online

Er, what? If they publish enough pictures of your pregnant belly, it makes you pregnant?

I’m offering congratulations to Jennifer and Marc right now. I am hugely pregnant right now and sick of people pointing out how big and fat I am (and yes, people actually use the term ‘fat’), so I can imagine that if she’s not pregnant she’s hating all the speculation. If she isn’t pregnant, then I guess the belly explains the lackluster dance moves on her tour – too out of shape to groove.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Jennifer Lopez is shown outside the Late Show and performing on GMA on 10/9/07. She is also shown outside of MTV studios on 10/8/07. Thanks to PRPhotos.