Dina Lohan saddens me. Sometimes at night when I lay in bed, unable to sleep, I think about her and how crazy and delusional, and my life seems a lot better in comparison. A LOT of people (probably in the low billions) have blamed Lindsay Lohan’s problems on her mom. If nothing else, she blurred the lines between child and parent in a way that seems to have really messed Lindsay up. But based on most of the stories we’ve read and the pictures we’ve seen, it seems that Dina really encouraged Lindsay’s hard partying lifestyle – for her own gain. Whenever Lindsay’s pathetic state of debauchery is brought up with other celebrities, they always bring up Dina Lohan. I’m pretty sure a press release must have gone out to all of Hollywood, instructing all celebrities to comment on her stupidity. Jodie Foster mentioned Dina in an interview – nothing new or surprising in and of itself. But of course Dina can’t keep quiet and has to fire back, in her written-by-Opera-and-or-a-therapist style that makes me want to slap her.

“In response to Jodie Foster’s question in a Gotham magazine interview, ‘Can I just ask, where is [Lindsay Lohan's] mother? I mean, really, where is her mother?’ Dina answers: I’m right here, waiting to be called out so I can contact a gossip website and fight back. Lohan tells 24Sizzler.com about Foster’s remarks:

“‘It really saddens me that a mom would comment on another mom without ever meeting me! Ironically Lindsay’s talent was compared to Jodie Foster’s as a little girl! I don’t know what Jodie dealt with as a young Hollywood actress but I do know if it weren’t for her mother she would not be a successful actress today! I’m sure her mother made many sacrifices for her to be successful.

“All we want as parents is to cultivate our children’s dreams, whatever field they choose. She has no idea who we are and what we have dealt with! If she has a question to ask me, don’t ridicule me publicly! She should know how the press twists the truth! Don’t judge without facts!”

[From Us Magazine]

When you make your life – and your daughter – so ridiculously public, people will judge without meeting you. Each person who writes about you doesn’t need to have sat don for a heart to heart to realize you’re a moron who’s whored her daughter out in some pathetic attempt to grab a little bit of fame for yourself. Well, now you have it. Dina Lohan seems to really think she has some sort of moral high ground over the rest of the world. You know how annoying it is when people say they don’t have the problem, it’s the rest of the world that has it? That’s pretty much Dina Lohan’s mentality. “Hey, I don’t have the problem for doing coke with my daughter, the rest of the world has the problem for judging me without meeting me!” Dina Lohan, you’re the problem. You’re completely delusional. Feel free to send your retort to all the blogs now.

Picture note by JayBird:

Here’s Dina Lohan’s upper annoying upper lip celebrating her cover appearance on The Boulevard Magazine last year. Why is she on the cover of a magazine? Because she’s a famous hanger-on. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Photoshop composite from PlanetHiltron.com

After three years and countless public letters begging his daughter to turn her life over to the Lord and give him a chance, Michael Lohan has finally visited his daughter Lindsay. After talking a lot of public smack about Lindsay’s mom and her boyfriend, ex-con Michael was given a chance at a supervised visit with his troubled daughter. He was seen yesterday at the Utah rehab where she is receiving treatment for a drug addiction exacerbated by an overinflated sense of self importance:

Lindsay’s dad flew to Utah last night and is currently visiting Lindsay at the Cirque Lodge treatment center, sources close to Lindsay and Michael confirmed to Access Hollywood.

Michael, who served nearly two years in New York State Prison for driving while intoxicated and other charges, has publicly yearned to reunite with Lindsay since his release in March. She has not seen her father since before he went to prison, sources told Access.

Lindsay checked into Cirque Lodge on August 3.

She has been visited by mom Dina and her siblings Cody and Ali, but this marks the first visit from her father.

[From Access Hollywood]

X17 has the pics of the awkward reunion, and says that Michael went to therapy with Lindsay once inside the Cirque Rehab Center where she is staying.

Never one to pass up an opportunity to give a statement proving what an arrogant person and shit mom she is, Dina Lohan has told 24/Sizzler that she condones the visit from Lindsay’s father. She predictably aims a few barbs at Michael, saying the visit will help Lindsay “come to terms with [her Dad's] abusive behavior”

“I’m so glad he’s visiting her,” Dina told 24Sizzler.com, at the precise moment Michael was visiting Lindsay (Michael is outfitted with a tracking device so he doesn’t violate his parole). “I really wanted her to have closure a really long time ago, so she could come to terms with the abusive behavior that myself and my children [Lindsay, Michael Jr., Dakota and Ali] endured when they were younger.”

Dina adds that Lindsay, who hasn’t seen her dad in several years, was “extremely nervous” about seeing Michael.

[From 24Sizzler.com]

Lohan’s mom also denies that her daughter had a romance in rehab, saying “That never happened. Cirque is so strict compared to everywhere else.”

And in case you were grateful for the relative lack of Lohan news, she is set to get out of rehab in ten days. I’m sure she’ll be a totally changed woman and wait at least a week before she’s out at the clubs again, right?

This visit wasn’t about Lindsay’s mental health or a chance to reunite with her father, it was about keeping the Lohans in the press this week, and it worked. I wonder how much Lohan charged X17 for those exclusive reunion pics? At least they look authentic because they’re far away and sort of blurry.

Lindsay Lohan’s dad Michael, who conveniently found God during the two years he was incarcerated for multiple charges including assault and DUI, wrote Lindsay several public letters urging her to turn her life over to the Lord. Once he got out, he never hesitated to talk smack about her and her mother, telling the press that she was addicted to Oxycontin, that she got started drinking and drugging at an early age, and that her mother Dina even took cocaine when she was pregnant with Lindsay, a charge she denies.

After not seeing his daughter for three years Michael is finally going to get the chance he doesn’t seem to deserve and will be visiting her this week at the country club rehab where she’s staying in Utah. This was said to be Lindsay’s older brother’s idea, and Lindsay’s mom agreed. She had the restraining order against Michael lifted so he could visit his daughter. Lindsay’s dad won’t get any alone time with her, though. She will be accompanied by a counselor at all times. Maybe they’re afraid he’ll slip her some drugs in a hollow bible:

Lindsay Lohan and her mother, Dina, have decided to allow Michael Lohan to visit his eldest daughter at her Utah rehab. “It was actually her older brother, Michael’s, idea. It’s a part of the healing process,” a friend said. “Lindsay will see him later this week, but she will have counselors with her. It will not be alone.” Michael – whose divorce from Dina is likely to be finalized soon, now that they’ve resolved most issues between them, including custody – hasn’t seen Lindsay in years due to his abusive temper and violent behavior. In order for him to be allowed to visit, Dina – who has a restraining order out against Michael – had to get it lifted. “Dina thinks it is a good idea,” the friend said. “Lindsay needs to deal with this and needs closure.” Michael has said he’s been sober and found God since leaving jail earlier this summer. A rep for the Lohans said, “Yes, he will be seeing his daughter.”

[From Page Six]

And, just like Lindsay’s other parent, Michael is rumored to be getting his own reality show.

Lindsay Lohan’s nightmares might be coming true. That is, the nightmare about her chatty father Michael getting his own reality show. Michael originally pitched the scenario of a “Lohan Family” series but naturally his exwife Dina and kids vetoed THAT idea. But Michael didn’t give up – he had reality cameras follow him through his divorce court battle with Dina and he’s got some entertaining footage. Insiders say that ex-jailbird Michael is an interesting enough character to have a show without the other Lohans. (Although he’s likely to drag them into it, somehow.) The show’s being shopped around as you read this.

[Janet Charlton's Hollywood]

Dina’s show “Momager” is already a go and will air on the E! Network in 2008. Since Michael is still shopping his around maybe it won’t get picked up and we’ll be spared that piece of pop culture trash.

I bet that the only reason that Dina agreed to let Michael visit Lindsay was so that she could get some good footage for her reality show. There will probably be two sets of cameras there, one for Michael’s planned show and another for Dina’s in the works. Lohan will talk in her 60 year-old voice about how great she’s doing in rehab and it will be the highlight of both shitty reality shows, hyped to death in the commercials for each and shown in the last episode to great disappointment. People will be asking themselves “Why did I watch the whole thing? Is that it?”

Maybe that’s why LohitneyParis continue to top themselves daily. They know we want drama, dammit, and they’re willing to sacrifice themselves for our entertainment. Their families are also assumed to be worthy by extension, but that remains to be seen.

Thanks to user the_bat1 on ONTD for these pics of Michael Lohan in a see-through shirt.

I don’t normally sit around having a lot of respect for Rob Schneider… because he’s Rob Schneider. He’s Deuce Bigalow. Actually, that is a good reason to have respect for him. Anyway, last week Lindsay Lohan was scheduled to be on the “Tonight Show.” Then she was arrested on a DUI for the second time, you know the rest of the story. So Rob Schneider took her place on the show, dressing up like her, including the ridiculous ankle monitoring device Lindsay’s been parading around. He got some good jokes in there, but a lot of it was funny because it was true. When Jay Leno asked Schneider-as-Lohan what happened, he responded, “Well, it was my assistant’s fault. I asked for a Diet Coke,” jokingly implying that the assistant mistook coke the drink for coke the drug. Leno also asked Schneider-as-Lohan which of her movies was her favorite. “I think Herbie Fully Loaded. Herbie was the car; I was fully loaded.” At one point Schneider took off the alcohol monitoring device and started drinking from it, revealing that it was actually a flask. I thought the whole thing was pretty funny. Dina Lohan, aka WonderMom, didn’t.

“We have a great respect for Jay Leno, but we are disappointed in the path he chose to allow a guest to make light of a very serious situation concerning Lindsay. Thank you to Craig Ferguson for not making a mockery of such a serious situation to which teens and young adults are facing across the country.”

[From Access Hollywood]

Well today, Rob Schneider responded, and not in his characteristic juvenile humor way. He was right on the ball.

“’When Mrs. Lohan stops partying with her child, then I’ll have an ounce of respect for her… I don’t care if her parents are both crummy – you cannot blame your parents anymore. She’s not a kid… Lindsay, get it together, America will forgive you but you gotta do something positive with your life. I hope she does okay but at a certain point, there’s so many bigger problems in the world than Lindsay Lohan. I hope she gets her head out of her nice, cute little rear end and finds a life for herself. She’s very talented, and a special little actress but there are so many people out there who’d trade positions with her in a heartbeat and use it better than she is.’”

[From People]

That’s so well said, I don’t even have a snotty reply. Except that I’m pleasantly surprised that such an on-the-mark statement came from Rob Schneider. I can’t believe that Dina Lohan has time to comment on Rob Schneider’s parody of Lindsay, considering all she has going on. She’s got a kid about to lose her life on one side of the country and she’s busy fighting her estranged husband on the other side. She really thought people making fun of Lindsay for being a moron was so important she had to condemn them? Who in the world is that nutcase to judge anyone? It’s like the rest of the world realizes she’s an enabler and a user, and she just sits there singing “I don’t hear you!” over and over with her hands on her ears. So Dina Lohan, thanks for being such a moron that you make Rob Schneider look like Socrates. It’s been a good day for you.

Note by Celebitchy: I’ve been looking for the video, but it’s not available on youtube any more thanks to a “copyright claim” by NBC. Don’t those network suits realize yet that the Internet is the best publicity they’re going to get?