Those rumors about Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson being lovers just won’t go away. The pair have been friends for several years, and gossip about the two of them has been around for almost as long. Dina and Ali Lohan just gave an interview to Extra, in which they’re asked about Lindsay’s lady-loving proclivities.

White Oprah and her 35-year-old daughter, Ali Lohan, are making the rounds whoring out their new reality show. Extra asked Ali and White Oprah about the rumors that HoHan is bumping vagina lips with Samantha Ronson.

Ali said, “They’re best friends. They’re just friends. It’s pathetic what people say.” Lezzzz be friends. Best friends with benefits! Friends who happen to eat each other’s coochie cats. You get the picture.

White Oprah responded, “It’s so silly. We actually laugh about it now. It really hurts, but you develop a thick skin. You have to ignore it.” A thick skin thanks to layers and layers of fake tanning grease!

Denials! You can’t deny the heat between Ronson and HoHan. That’s from some weird STD, but there’s still heat between them!

[From Dlisted]

That’s obviously not exactly the official transcript, but Michael K does a much better job summing it up than any line-by-line interview ever could. At one point the Extra interviewer asks Dina about her relationship with ex-husband Michael Lohan, and Dina’s publicist is heard trying to cut the interview. Dina is actually remarkably gracious (at least in comparison) and says she doesn’t want to talk about him. Here’s a clip of the interview, thanks to RedLasso.

Here at Celebitchy, we laughed our asses off at Dina Lohan being named a Top Mom by some Long Island housewife association. Apparently, Michael Lohan doesn’t share our sense of humor- in fact, the whole thing has him pissed off and ranting to the media, talking trash about his ex-wife and her mothering skills. Oh yeah, he went there.

Michael fumed, “Are you kidding! Top celebrity mom? Look at her off-screen antics, her lack of morals and how she conducts herself. I guess they forgot to mention how this top super-mom leaves her kids alone at night and even parties in their presence. Just wait until we go back to court.

“She comes stumbling out of Butter at 3:15 a.m. with bloodshot eyes and a red runny nose, yelling ‘Oh, [bleep],’ when she saw the paparazzi,” Michael raged to Page Six.

He also ranted that his ex missed their weekly family therapy appointment in order to attend the award ceremony Tuesday night in Bethpage, LI.

But Dina responded to Michael’s remarks by calling him “infantile.”

“He’s a loose cannon,” she declared. “We speak to a therapist once a week and I’m not required to be there. My kids want me there, so I go. Obviously with our [TV] show and the event, [daughter] Ali and I reschedule.

“I’ve allowed him visitation once a week, so I don’t understand why he’s doing this. He’s jealous that I got the award. He even called the organizers and tried to talk them out of giving it to me.”

[From Page Six]

In typical Dina Lohan fashion, she goes on to say that the last time their rapidly aging starlet daughter Lindsay was in town, she had to hire extra security to keep her father at arm’s length, and that she believes Michael will violate the restraining order she has on him. Notice that she never directly addresses his claims about her bad parenting- instead, she deflects that and paints herself as a victim. You see where Blohan learned that shit? As for Michael, everyone knows he’s just seething with jealousy over the media attention his ex-wife gets. From the accounts I’ve read, his parenting is just as questionable. If ANY of the Lohan kids make it to adulthood without a criminal record, a sex tape, or an addiction of some kind, it will be a miracle.

Note by Celebitchy: Michael Lohan is shown with his girlfriend, who looks a little like his daughter when she was pretty, outside the Waverly Inn on 3/10/08. Thanks to WENN.

Dina Lohan has four children with her ex husband. Her eldest daughter Lindsay has been in rehab three times without success, has two drunk driving arrests, multiple car accidents, is facing several different lawsuits and is alleged to have stolen items from friends and acquaintances. Lindsay is all of 21 years old.

Dina Lohan’s other kids include singer Ali, 14, who says she wants to be just like Lindsay. Ali appears with her mom on an upcoming reality show on E! to air at the end of this month.

Dina has made a lot of excuses for her daughter Lindsay’s behavior, saying that a lot of it is due to the environment she’s in and that “she’s from an addictive personality genetically.”

Both Ali Lohan and Lindsay Lohan were signed with the Ford modeling agency at the age of three. Dina says in general “I was in the business, and I’m going to help them. You don’t like that? I’m living the American dream.” Maybe you can assume that applies to toddlers modeling as well.

As for how Dina was in “the business,” she claims to have been a Rockette and to have done work on Broadway, but unless she was on the stage crew none of those claims are true. She was found to have fabricated most all of her show business past.

So it’s amusing and probably a publicity ploy on the organization’s part that a Long Island mother’s association, “Mingling Moms” has declared Dina Lohan one of the top 20 mothers on Long Island. You think they would invest some money in their website before honoring Dina, but there’s no accounting for taste. You can find thousands of moms in any city on Long Island that are more qualified than Dina Lohan to win this award. It’s a stunt that doesn’t really put the “Mingling Moms” in a positive light.

Newsday points out that every celebrity mom, like Alec Balwin’s mom, Jerry Seinfeld’s mom, and Howard Stern’s mom, were honored but only Dina came in person to accept her award. The head of the group says that Lindsay’s DUIs are not Dina’s fault and that “she should be given a break.”

[Quotes from E! Online, unlinked details from Wikipedia. Photos from WENN.]

Countdown to drunken, paparazzi-courting, promiscuous shopaholic behavior justified by a massive sense of entitlement: Ali Lohan is about to appear in a film. The 14 year-old younger sister of Lindsay will play a role that’s similar to the teen characters her sister was known for before she got so much publicity for making out with various men and posing naked to support the arts.

The little Lohan also has a quote that makes you rub your eyes and hope she has enough sense to give herself the guidance she surely won’t get from her mother: she says she wants to “do what [Lindsay] does”:

Ali Lohan, Lindsay’s 14-year-old sister, has begun filming her first film project, Mostly Ghostly, in Los Angeles, PEOPLE has learned exclusively.

Ali’s role shares similarities with her older sister’s character in the 2004 film Mean Girls: She’ll play “a popular high school senior” in the film, says a source.

Ali told Teen Vogue in the April issue, “I grew up watching Lindsay. It made me want to do what she does. Just the whole vibe. Being there, being on camera, or onstage.”

The film, slated for release later this year, is based on the pre-teen book series Mostly Ghostly written by R.L. Stine, which centers on an 11-year-old boy who befriends two ghosts.

[From People.com]

I guess I shouldn’t really care about these people, but you can see the future for this girl and water bottles filled with vodka will be the least of her problems. She’s just 14, and you want to take her aside and give her some advice and a scholarship to a remote boarding school, but there’s only so much you can do. She wants to be like her older sister, but she can’t see that everyone is pointing and laughing at her sister, saying she looks and sounds like an old lady. Get emancipated from Dina, Ali, and stay away from your sister. You can carve out a meaningful life on your own terms, if only you realized how trapped you really are.

Ali Lohan is shown at a “youth center in Harlem where she was shooting scenes for the Livin’ Lohan reality show” on 3/27/08, thanks to Splash.

Well the Lohan family is back to not getting along, slamming each other in the press, and the traditional suing of former partners. Just like a family should be. For a little while, the crazy bunch seemed to have made some sort of amends with each other. Lindsay’s dad Michael visited her in rehab and supposedly the two reconciled. From then on, Michael – a born-again Christian, ex-con, and rehab counselor – and Dina stopped slamming each other quite so hard in the press. Michael said he was excited for Dina’s new, presumably crap reality show on E! “Living Lohan.”

Now everyone’s back to fighting again, all because Lindsay - and her siblings - haven’t bothered to see their injured grandmother since she got in a serious car accident on Easter.

“I gave her [Dina Lohan] the family house, all the furniture and the $200,000 she owed me just so that I could see my kids and have a relationship with them,” Lohan told The News. “But after I gave her everything she wanted, she made it hard as hell for me to see my children. Even though my father is dying and my mother was in a car accident on Easter, my parents still haven’t seen my children.

“[Dina] told me, ‘It’s up to the kids if they want to see their grandparents.’ But she’s made no effort to put them in touch or make this happen. That is the bottom line. My mother, Marilyn Lohan, was medevacked by helicopter to the hospital on Easter Sunday after hitting a telephone poll and tree. Thank God, she’s okay, but the car was totaled. Every window blew out.

“My father went into heart failure again yesterday - and yet not one of the kids has seen him.” Michael says he’s also suing his ex over her upcoming reality show, “Living Lohan,” slotted to air this summer on the E! channel. “It’s the exact same show I pitched. She even used my title.” The born-again Christian, who works as a rehab counselor on Long Island, concludes:”I would never get back together with her. She’s bent on an evil path.”

[From The Daily News]

Dina Lohan bent on an evil path? Orange Oprah? No way. That woman has nothing but her children’s best interests at heart. Wow, I laughed so hard typing that I thought I was going to knock the computer over. It seems like the worse her parents get, the more Lindsay drinks and shoots and snorts. And unfortunately for Michael Lohan, Dina can’t make Lindsay see her grandma, as she’s no longer a minor.

After Dina started blabbing to the press about her “Living Lohan” show, Michael – seemingly jealous of the attention – started blabbing to the press about just how happy he was for Dina and younger daughter Ali, who will also star in the show. He told everyone just how much he was filled with positive, loving, happy thoughts for them. Now it’s back to lawsuits. Something tells me season two of “Living Lohan” will involve all three Lohan children sharing a room at a rehab facility.

Here’s Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson having a laugh- and Lindsay holding a suspicious bottle - as they get in a car after leaving Foxtail restaurant on Thursday. Images thanks to WENN.

There are only two things I find more terrifying than the Lohans’ grip on reality: Britney Spears’ reality and Paris Hilton’s reality. That’s it. So the thought of such a horror coming to my television screen is truly beyond my comprehension. “Living Lohan” will grace your living rooms this summer, and give you a unique insight into the lives of mom Dina and younger sister Ali Lohan. Dina is seemingly done pimping Lindsay, and has moved on to her youngest child. Thank you, E! for inventing ever-increasing forms of torture for the American public.

“Viewers will go inside the Lohan’s Long Island home for the first time to follow Dina as she works double duty as mom and manager to help Ali try to follow in her big sister [Lindsay’s] famous footsteps,” a press release for the show says. Cameras will also follow the duo to Vegas as Ali records an album. “Dina is determined to help each of her four kids fulfill their dreams and refuses to live in fear of what others may think, despite being under the paparazzi microscope,” the press release adds.

Ali has made it clear she craves fame. “I want it so bad. So bad you don’t even know. And now, it’s actually happening,” she told Teen Vogue this month. “I’ve already been asked for my autograph, and it’s just a really good feeling to have.”

[From Us Magazine]

It sounds like young Ali has really been raised with some great values since the only thing she ever talks about is wanting to be famous like Lindsay. Who is famous for her partying, drinking, drugging, bad attitude, poor work ethic, and bad acting. Seriously, Lohans haven’t your messed up enough kids? Do you really need to teach another one about nothing but fame and show business? Though the press release claims Dina doesn’t care what others may think, it’s pretty clear that she does. She’s always firing back at people who criticize Lindsay or Dina’s parenting, instead of stopping to think, “Hey, if I’m such a crap-ass parent that even strangers can tell, maybe I should change something and not suck so much.” Okay I realize the odds of that ever occurring to any bad parent are pretty slim, but the thought still makes me deliciously happy. Expect a press release detailing Ali’s drug-induced downfall in the next six weeks. And a retaliation by Dina noting what an awesome mom she is.

Here are the Lohan women at the Prairie Home Companion premiere on 6/4/06 . Images thanks to PR Photos.

Lindsay Lohan’s stage mom, who isn’t content to have thrust just one of her offspring into the deep murky waters of Hollywood without a life preserver, has predictably spoken out about her daughter’s grimy imitation of Marilyn Monroe in a series of topless photos. She calls it art, and sees no problem with her daughter’s nude poses. She also says that Lindsay’s 14 year-old sister, Alli, was on set at the time, and that Lindsay was thankful that someone asked her to bare it all:

“It was very tastefully done,” Dina tells PEOPLE of the photos, a recreation of Marilyn Monroe’s legendary 1962 photo shoot shot by Bert Stern. “I respect the photographer as an artist, so I look at them artistically. For him to call Lindsay 46 years later and to say can you recreate these photos is an honor. I looked at it as art, and as Lindsay doing a character. So I don’t look at them like it’s Playboy; she was being a character. So if you look at it that way, you can look at it as a mother.”

And Dina adds that had the photos been inappropriate, Lindsay’s sister Ali would not have visited the set. “Trust me,” Dina tells PEOPLE, “I wouldn’t have sent my 14-year-old to the set [if the shoot was in bad taste]. And obviously Lindsay wouldn’t do anything with her sister there, that was risqué.”

Lindsay, 21, also viewed the shoot as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, Dina tells PEOPLE.

“Lindsay was very excited when she first got the phone call,” says Dina, 45. “Of course we talked about how they would be done. Lindsay said, ‘Mommy, I’m never going to get this opportunity to do it again.’ She was very thankful she was asked.”

[From People.com]

You can see where they’re coming from, since the picture were done by the same photographer that shot Marilyn’s last drunken photo series just six weeks before she died. It’s truly an honor to bare your breasts in memory of Monroe, and you should see it as a way to give back to the fans who aren’t content just seeing your shaved mons in an occasional paparazzi photo.

MSNBC’s The Scoop column quotes some industry insiders who see Lohan’s nude photo shoot as a piss poor career move, with a director saying “her stock falls when she starts doing any project for any magazine.” MSNC’s Sexploration columnist says that “21-year-old Lohan’s attempt to inhabit the 36-year-old (and vastly more complicated) Monroe’s eroticism seems pale, shallow, out of context,” and “[Her]… spread in New York magazine seems more sad commentary on our current bankrupt culture than it does on Lohan.”

It may have been “art,” but it was still nearly full-frontal nudity. There’s nothing wrong with that, and Sienna Miller has posed topless for magazines too, but it doesn’t seem like it helps your career if you want to be taken seriously as an actress. But don’t listen to what the experts have to say, go by what your mom tells you. She’s expertly guided you this far.

Lindsay Lohan’s mom Dina, who once was rumored to have received manual stimulation under the table at a restaurant, who lied about her nonexistent past as a Rockette, and who also owed up to telling George Clooney she was Lindsay’s assistant instead of admitting to be her mom, sure takes the high road when it comes to her daughter. She is said to have called up the mother of Lindsay’s ex boyfriend, snowboarder Riley Giles, and to have chewed her out in response to a tell-all interview Riley gave British paper News of The World after Lindsay unceremoniously dumped him upon returning to LA from rehab in Utah. How did Dina insult Riley’s mom? She called her a bad mom. I wonder if it was all filmed for her reality show in which she’s shown exploiting her other two children.

Lindsay’s recent ex, Riley Giles, sold the story of their relationship to Britain’s News of the World on Dec. 23 for a rumored $120,000. That so steamed Dina that she got on the phone to his mom, reports Us Weekly.

“Dina insulted her parenting,” says a source.

Ouch!

[From NY Daily News]

And the Daily News has more evidence today that little Lindsay is scrapping for cash. They say she is predictably getting paid around $50k for toting around the tobacco cessation product Arriva, although both Lindsay and the company deny that any money has changed hands. She’s also supposedly begging her friends for money again. Along with being seen looking cuddly with three different men in Italy in a 24 hour period, she was also observed toting a Prada shopping bag. I wonder where all her money is going? Maybe a reality show is next on her agenda, too. It’s slightly less demeaning than whoring yourself out for money, although that seems to be easier for Lindsay than doing any real work as an “actress.”

Along with being honored for her “contribution to film,” at the film festival or “a way to bring tourism to our small town” in Capri, Italy, she was also named the worst actress of the year in a poll by AOL Moviefone for her performance in I Know Who Killed Me, and her other film this year, Georgia Rule was runner-up for waste of money for a movie ticket. The Razzie nominations haven’t even been announced yet this year. Keep begging Lindsay, and maybe you better hold on to those purses a little longer before you buy new ones.

Lohan is shown in the header in an image taken in mid December. Dina Lohan is shown on 10/9/06. Who looks better, mother or daughter?

Lindsay Lohan is really good at saying just the right things to reporters, and using a lot of AA/therapy speak. There’s nothing wrong with that in general, but coming from her it seems really disingenuous. Lohan talked with “OK” magazine about her recovery and her plans to stay in Hollywood and not waster her “talent.” Here’s the problem Lindsay. “I Know Who Killed Me,” “Just My Luck,” and “Herbie Fully Loaded.” Pretty much all of those would indicate a severe lack of talent. So you might want to work on getting some before you worry about wasting it. Just a thought.

“Don’t look for Lindsay Lohan on the Hollywood club scene — or any Hollywood scene — anytime soon. Just hours after leaving Cirque Lodge treatment center in Utah, Lohan tells OK! magazine (on stands nationwide Friday) that she’s settling in the mountains. ‘I’m staying in Utah until it’s time to shoot Dare to Love Me,’ Lohan says, ‘and then I plan on returning to Utah so I can stay focused and avoid other distractions.’ (Lohan has a small role in the story of Tango legend Carlos Gardel.) But she’s not saying goodbye to the Hollywood industry. ‘Absolutely not — never! I’m here to stay,’ says the actress, 21. ‘My talent is a gift, and I’m going to use it in the right way.’”

[From USA Today]

So easy. Want to mock in a terrible, mean way. Don’t want to trigger relapse…. Ahhh! Pain radiating down my body! Can’t do it! Lindsay Lohan, Celebitchy and I got together and had a discussion, and we decided that you are the most hated of the Idiot Trifecta. And that’s not an award to be trifled with, you really have to earn that crap. You know, by stealing people’s cars and chasing their mothers through the streets of L.A. in a drug-fueled craze. As messed up as Britney and Paris are, as far as we know they don’t combine illicit substances with a severe, unchecked rageaholic personality disorder. They’ve certainly got other shit going on, but they don’t seem to commandeer cars, run over a guy’s foot, and chase people. Just a thought on the first – and easiest – step to improving your lot in life.

Want a little more trite AA speak from Lohan? Well she’s serving it up with her usual dose of sincerity/poor me mentality.

“Lohan checked into Cirque Lodge in early August, days after her second DUI arrest in less than two months and after two attempts at rehab. That second arrest, she says, was her ‘rock-bottom. Everything in my life came to a point where I had to make a decision; the arrest that night helped me come to a point where I had to make one.’ She acknowledges addiction and substance abuse and lying to cover up a serious problem. But Lohan doesn’t detail her drug and alcohol use. As part of her recovery, Lohan isn’t placing blame on anyone, and she says she plans on surrounding herself ‘with good people who have their hearts and their minds in the right places.’ She adds that during rehab, she has been in contact with only her family.

“[On] The feud between her father and mother, Dina, saddens Lohan, she says, ‘I wish it would stop. It hurts when two people you love argue with one another. I don’t think any child wants to see their parents argue or see their family fall apart. Unfortunately, it happens, and when it does, they should do it with as little effect on their children as possible.’ Lohan says her rehab experience was ‘sobering’ and ‘humbling. It made me look at myself, and all of the people, places and things in my life in a different way. I was in there for substance abuse, after all.’ Still, relapse is on her mind. ‘If I wasn’t (worried), I’d be living in denial. Temptation is always there, but now I’ll avoid it the right way.’”

[From USA Today]

If all that stuff wasn’t coming out of Lindsay Lohan’s mouth, I’d be really tempted to write a lot of “Oh good for her, it seems like she’s finally starting to figure it all out.” But that girl is incredibly manipulative. She just manages to take things to a whole new level, and she’s commercializing her recovery by doing rehab and post-rehab photo shoots for “OK.” They claim she’s not getting any money, but I’m sure she’s being compensated in some way. My guess is crack, meth, and a big SUV. All the ingredients for more Lindsay Lohan tabloid fodder.

Picture Note by Jaybird: Here’s Lindsay taking a break from rehab last Sunday in Utah, sharing a cigarette with fellow rehab patients. Images thanks to Splash Photos.

It turns out that Star Magazine and The National Enquirer were at least partially right about Lohan extending her rehab stay, because her mother is denying reports that she is set to be released back into the wild this weekend. We can all breathe a sigh of relief for Lohan and for ourselves. We have the gossip section of our brains already chock full with the unsettling minutiae of Britney’s everyday life, we don’t need to know every time Lohan takes a shit too:

Despite reports to the contrary, it appears Lindsay Lohan will not be leaving her Utah rehab facility this weekend.

When Access Hollywood’s Billy Bush e-mailed Lindsay’s mom, Dina, to find out if the reports of Lindsay coming home this weekend were accurate, Dina said that wasn’t the case.

“Not true staying in Utah,” Dina wrote to Billy.

Lindsay checked into the Cirque Lodge in early August, marking her third stint in rehab after previous visits to the Wonderland and Promises facilities in Los Angeles.

Dina, Lindsay’s siblings Cody and Ali and her father Michael have all paid visits to Lindsay since she began her stay.

[From Access Hollywood]

And there’s a new advertising campaign by an addiction treatment facility that’s trying to capitalize on Lindsay Lohan’s well publicized drug treatment issues. The attention-grabbing ads feature big block letters saying “Don’t Die Lindsay!” and include information about a supposed medical treatment alternative to extended rehab stays. The Canterbury Institute offers outpatient treatment for addiction, and claims in the ads to provide “innovative medical approaches” that allow patients to be in and out with their drug problems licked in just a few days:

While the rest of the world is going in and out of rehab, Canterbury Institute is changing the rules of addiction treatment. We’re offering innovative medical approaches to drug and alcohol addiction. It’s outpatient and administered by an ASAM-certified physician. All you need is 3-5 days to get back on track.

Someone from the ad agency who created this campaign e-mailed me the press release that this ad would run in the NY post, including PDF files and images so I could run it on the site, not that I don’t appreciate that. I guess because they’re not using Lindsay’s last name they figure they can’t get sued, but I wouldn’t count on it. You know Dina is going to try and squeeze something out of them. Lohan is said to go around asking people she barely knows for $10k all the time, if someone is using her name in an ad she’s probably going to try and make them pony up something. It’s called a violation of the “right to privacy” if celebrities’ names or likenesses are used in ads without their consent. I’m not sure how the law applies if a celebrity’s last name is not mentioned, if they are known by both names like Lohan.

If this treatment really works I hope that the celebrities don’t catch on to it. That would mean no more extended breaks from news about their antics when they get sent away for months at a stretch. Then again, it can only save lives if less drunken starlets are on the road with hoards of paparazzi trailing after them. That’s more important than not having to read unrelenting trivial gossip about these girls for months on end. Of course it is.

Update: I missed this story that Steve-O from Jackass told Howard Stern that Lohan once stole a bag of cocaine from him. If he had anything else worthwhile she surely would have nabbed that too.

Header image thanks to Pretty On The Outside.