I am so jealous of the lucky few who are privy to the details and daily histrionics in the Heather Mills-Paul McCartney divorce. It’s already being called “The Divorce of the Century.” Unfortunately, the proceedings are closed to the public– but somehow, news about what’s happening behind those closed doors seems to find its way to the media. Lucky for us!

The latest feud between the estranged couple concerns the education of their four-year-old daughter, Beatrice. Reportedly, Paul feels that Bea should attend public school, just like his older children did when they were young.

He wants her education to be like that of his three other children Stella, Mary and James.

Private education, in his estimation, “messes up” children and he hopes Beatrice would gain from being grounded by the experience of state schooling.

Sir Paul has told friends how his other children had “certainly turned out all right”.

Stella is a successful fashion designer with stores in such places as London’s New Bond Street. Mary is similarly successful as a fashion photographer and James is working in the music industry.

[From The Daily Mail]

However, Heather Mills, in typical, money-grubbing fashion, insists that the pre-schooler should attend a high-end private school. She claims that Bea’s life is at risk in a public school and she needs 24-hour security.

Meanwhile, the Sun is claiming that Paul has once again offered Mills a lump sum of cash to call off the spectacle and get a quiet divorce. He previously offered Mills £10 million to get lost, which she turned down. It’s reported that Mills won’t settle for anything less than £100 million.

ANGRY Sir Paul McCartney told his lawyer to offer Heather Mills £30million to “get her off my back”, it was claimed yesterday.

The order came as he was walking to lunch with £500-an-hour legal eagle Fiona Shackleton.

He was overheard by stunned Mike Pritchard, leaving London’s Royal Courts of Justice at the same time.

Mike, 59, from Cardiff, said: “I had been at another case. I was about a yard behind them.

“He was very irate and told his lawyer, ‘Offer her £30million — get her off my back’.

[From The Sun]

Maybe Paul should hold onto his millions, though, because News of the World is reporting that Mills spent the last six months of their marriage having a torrid affair. British film editor Tim Steel supplied some pretty explicit details about his time with Heather in an exclusive interview, saying that Heather showed him affectionate text messages Paul had sent her, just before hopping into bed with him.

“I didn’t mind—I suppose I was flattered that Heather still wanted to have sex with me despite being pursued by this musical demi-god,” says Tim, breaking his silence on an affair that will stun the nation.

“Heather was insatiable between the sheets and she liked to call me her four-times-a-night guy. Our record was six.”

“Most of the time it was multiple orgasms. Heather has a very unusual erogenous zone—her stump. I used to massage one particular sensitive area of it and give her an orgasm!

“But it was strange lying in bed talking about Paul McCartney. I would be with her when he called or texted her. She’d even show me the texts!”

Leeds-born Tim’s shocking account of their affair will deal a heavy blow to 65-year-old Macca’s pride—and put a time-bomb under Mucca’s bid to squeeze an £80million pay-off out of the pop legend.

[From News of the World]

First of all–gross! Second of all, as much as I would love to believe this story, because I loathe Heather Mills, this is News of the World. If this guy really was sleeping with Mills, wouldn’t Paul’s lawyer be all over this?

Hopefully, Heather is exposed for the gold-digger she is, and doesn’t get a dime. Either way, this divorce is generating enough tawdry gossip to last a lifetime.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Heather Mills and Paul McCartney are shown outside their divorce proceedings yesterday, thanks to PRPhotos.

Sometimes, I tell myself, “Self, you should really stop picking on Heather Mills. I mean, at this point it’s like shooting fish in a barrel.” But then Heather does something else ridiculous, and I just can’t help myself. During day two of the McCartney-Mills divorce trial, Heather showed up in court with an entourage, including her sister, another friend, her makeup artist and her personal trainer. Heather is representing herself in the divorce and so far, she is behaving like a buffoon. Wait–I’m going to try to be nice and say that maybe she didn’t realize most lawyers don’t take breaks to workout or have their makeup done in the middle of a trial.

Vain Heather arrived at court yesterday — flanked by a posse of sidekicks, including her personal trainer and MAKE-UP artist.

The ex-model, dubbed Mucca over her porn past, also brought her sister Fiona, a female pal, a minder, a chauffeur — and a lone solicitor to advise on legal protocol as she represents herself in court.

Heather, pleading her own case after she was dumped by her lawyers, aims to wring up to £100million out of former Beatle Macca, who is said to have an £825million fortune.

[From The Sun]

100 million? She must be smoking Amy Winehouse’s old stash. Court witnesses say that Mills started her case by showing lovey-dovey photos of Paul and her together, to establish that she was the singer’s “rock,” and therefore deserved a cut of his fortune. Rock? Maybe….the rock tied around Paul’s NECK. But she didn’t stop there: Mills also likened herself to Princess Diana in open court.

It is understood she also screened a video likening herself to Princess Diana — claiming she was hounded by paparazzi and needed 24-hour security to avoid the same fate.

Oh, if only. That may be true, she is hounded by paparazzi– but what does it have to do with her demand for 100 million? She brought that on herself by acting like an insufferable bitch.

Paul, for his part, seemed “relaxed” and smiled as he entered the courtroom with his lawyer. And no, he didn’t have a makeup artist, personal trainer, spiritual adviser or anyone else with him. However, when Heather saw her ex, she immediately bolted for the bathroom– the first of four bathroom breaks she took during the court session. No word on whether the makeup artist went with her.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Heather Mills and Sir Paul McCartney are shown outside of court on Monday, thanks to Splash News.

For reasons completely unbeknownst to me, I’ve always sided with Reese Witherspoon in her divorce from Ryan Phillippe. Probably due to that nasty rumor that he was cheating on her, and/or jealous of her career. But whenever he’s interviewed he comes across as genuinely brokenhearted about the whole thing, and admits to a level of sadness few men would. It seems like he was truly broken apart by the whole thing, and is still very much in the process of putting himself back together. Ryan gave a pretty in-depth interview to W magazine recently, where he talked about the divorce and his relationship with Abbie Cornish, who he was long rumored to have had an affair with. Ryan insists that the two are not a couple.

“She and I are close friends, and as far as if there is any future, that is not where we are at now,” he says. “That is what other people like to say or like to assume. As far as I’m concerned, it’s a friendship, and we are getting to know each other in a really difficult situation.”

Cornish was labeled the “other woman” after it was rumored that the two slept together during production on Stop-Loss. Asked about the veracity of the gossip in a rather blunt manner, Phillippe bursts out laughing and says, “First of all, I wouldn’t answer that, but I would say that things are never as simple as it’s made out to be in the tabloid press. It was unfair for her to be called the names that she was, because it wasn’t about that. I don’t think an outside person can ever cause a divorce. I had difficulties in my relationship, and in my marriage, long before I ever met her.”

[From W Magazine]

Ryan also gives a really astute answer when the subject comes up of why his relationship with Reese ended. He says that the public wants answers - and he doesn’t even go off on how people aren’t entitled to answers. He just says that they wouldn’t necessarily be satisfied with them.

Phillippe says these popular diagnoses of his failed union widely miss the mark. “I certainly understand the level of interest that comes along with a public marriage,” he says, “and with being married to someone like Reese, who so many people love with good reason. People want answers. But I think sometimes they wouldn’t be happy with what the answers would be.”

[From W Magazine]

Ryan has mentioned in a previous interview that he was so depressed over the divorce that he was suicidal. He noted to W that he couldn’t get out of bed for months, but that things did eventually get better, little by little.

A little later, Phillippe says his divorce was “the darkest, saddest place I had ever been. It was a struggle—there were a good four or five months of not being able to get out of bed. It was the worst time in my life.” These days, things are better. “You get through it. It’s a process that’s not easy, but I get less and less sad about it every day.”

[From W Magazine]

It’s really heart-wrenching to read what he has to say. Phillippe definitely doesn’t come off as a bad guy, and he doesn’t portray Reese as a bad person either. I am always curious as to why their relationship ended, but he’s right, the average member of the public would probably never be satisfied with the answer, because we weren’t a part of that relationship and don’t understand the intricacies of what went on. Ryan says he and Reese have maintained a cordial relationship because of their kids. It doesn’t seem that they’re warm to each other, and it appears that there’s still sadness and hurt, which is understandable. Hopefully as time goes on everyone will heal and things will thaw out.

Header image is of Ryan at the Edinburgh film festival on 8/23/07, thanks to WENN.

That Heather Mills– she’s just so talented! Not only does she lend her considerable charm, grace and credibility to such organizations as Vegetarians International Voice for Animals (VIVA), but now she is also starting what I’m sure will be a brilliant career as a lawyer. Mills dropped her legal counsel in her divorce war against Paul McCartney, and is not only representing herself in a hearing against her estranged husband next week, but also plans on suing her former firm for giving her ‘bad legal advice.’ This is the same firm used by Princess Diana in her divorce from Prince Charles.

Heather Mills is set to sue her former divorce lawyers for bad advice - even though she already owes them £2million in fees.

The latest legal action comes as Ms Mills prepares to go face-to-face with her estranged husband Sir Paul McCartney for a dramatic five-day divorce hearing that will decide how much she receives from his estimated £825 million fortune.

Ms. Mills, 40, will represent herself at the High Court hearing, which begins on Monday, having split from her divorce lawyers Mishcon de Reya. Insolvency lawyers at Mishcons are now pursuing Ms. Mills for almost 20 months of unpaid bills and are expected to launch a legal action in the next two weeks.

A source close to Ms. Mills told the Evening Standard: “There is a possibility of Heather Mills counter-suing. Whatever she owes Mishcons - whether it’s £1 million or £2 million - one would have expected her to get something for it and one fails to see what they [Mishcons] got her. There has been no divorce settlement and no outcome over all this time so draw your own conclusion as to the service she received from Mishcons.”

[From From This is London UK]

I like the way Heather thinks. There’s been no divorce settlement, and no agreement by Paul’s lawyers over her extravagant and delusional demands, so surely its her lawyer’s fault, not hers! Her ex-law firm has fought back against Heather’s claim they poorly advised her, saying that she never followed their suggestions in the first place.

Sources said the firm will defend the advice it gave Ms Mills and suggested lawyers were frustrated that she often refused to take the legal advice given.

The slur will raise eyebrows as Ms Mills was being represented by Anthony Julius, the Mishcon litigator who also handled Princess Diana’s divorce from Prince Charles and whose wife died from cancer in October.

Mishcons has now put the matter into the hands of its head of insolvency.

A source at Mishcons said today: “We expect a claim to go in against Ms Mills in the next few weeks.”

The former spouses are scheduled to face off in court next week, and sources say that neither side has come anywhere close to agreeing on a settlement. Early in the separation, Paul reportedly offered Heather £15 million, which she refused. I’m wiling to be that amount looks pretty good to her now.

Ethan Hawke is about to become a father for the third time. The “Training Day” star has two children with ex-wife Uma Thurman, and he is expecting a third with Ryan Shawhughes, 27, whom he met when she worked as a nanny for his family back when he was with Uma. It is unclear whether the two are living together or engaged at this point, but Ethan’s camp says the actor is pleased at the news of his impending fatherhood:

“I can confirm and they are thrilled,” says Hawke’s rep Mara Buxbaum. “No further details will be made available.”

[From People]

In the fallout after Uma and Ethan’s split, there were rumors that Hawke was unfaithful, but neither spoke about it publicly. Ethan only had this to say on the couple’s split in a 2006 interview:

“To be honest, [fame] was an undue pressure on my marriage. I didn’t like being famous when I was single, and what it did to my celebrity status to be married to another famous person was a huge pressure — one I didn’t enjoy. And it had nothing to do with her. Nothing to do with her,” Hawke says.

[From Showbuzz]

Uma has been linked to a handful of rich suitors since then, but Ethan’s love life has remained very private. In fact, there is only one photo of Ethan and Ryan together, and it was taken in December 2007 as they dined in a restaurant in Manhattan. Ryan bears more than a passing resemblance to Uma. The NY Daily News’ Gatecrasher column says keeping the relationship secret for so long was a ploy to protect Ethan’s image.

“They seem to be trying to rewrite history by saying they waited a whole year, so they could look innocent when word that they were together finally got out,” an “insider” tells the mag.

“He [Ethan] was terrified, because he knew if Uma found out he was with their nanny, she’d blow up and the divorce would get nasty when it had been going relatively well.”

[From Gatecrasher]

While I don’t agree with cheating on a spouse—especially with a nanny—it seems as though both Ethan and Uma have moved on with their lives and manage to co-parent their kids quite nicely these days. They even schedule movie shoots around their children’s needs, and try to accommodate each other’s careers. My guess is that Uma’s fans and sympathizers will be a lot more offended and upset by this news than she will. Uma seems to be doing quite well without Ethan.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Ethan Hawke is shown at the Tisch School of The Arts Gala on 11/12/07, thanks to PRPhotos. Inset photo of Ethan and his girlfriend thanks to the Daily News.

Paparazzo Adnan Ghalib’s wife is none too pleased with the way her husband is carrying on with fallen pop star and paparazzi target Britney Spears. Adnan asked his wife Azlynn for a quickie divorce, but she’s not having that. She wants to make the maximum impact and is said to want to retain Britney’s ex Kevin Federline’s attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan, to represent her:

Adnan Ghalib… suddenly phoned… [his] wife Azlynn Ghalib and cruelly demanded “You’ve got to give me a quickie divorce right now - Britney wants me to be free!” Furious at her husband’s betrayal as he strives to be The New K-Fed, Azlynn screamed she’ll fight any speedy divorce deal dictated by husband-hijacker Britney… and here’s an incredibly irony: She’s reaching out to the high-powered attorney who helmed Kevin Federline’s divorce from Britney!…

[A source] reveals: “First choice on her list is Kevin’s divorce attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan. It’s not certain whether she’s actually retained him - but that’s who she wants.”

[From The National Enquirer, Mike Walker's column, print edition, February 4, 2008]

Take him to the cleaners Azlynn! Get some of Britney’s cash too while you’re at it. Maybe Britney will marry Adnan, increasing his worth enormously along with creating big ‘ol alimony checks for his ex wife.

Mike Walker goes on to report that Britney has a fantasy of moving to Mexico with Adnan and starting a new family away from the heat of the flashbulbs:

“She’s spinning this fairytale plan to leave the U.S., have a baby with Adnan and live happily ever after in a tropical paradise. She said the read reason she took off to Mexico is she wants to get a hacienda, either there or in the Bahamas. Britney wants a fresh start. She’s insanely jealous of her 16-year-old sister Jamie Lynn’s pregnancy, and she’s sick and tired of lawyers and custody hearings that deprive her of seeing sons Sean Preston and Jayden James. Her attitude now is: ‘I’ll start a new family. My own family. My own way!’” [says the source]

[From The National Enquirer, Mike Walker's column, print edition, February 4, 2008]

That’s right Britney, if you can’t see your old kids just make some new ones! Problem solved. While The Enquirer says that Britney is “jealous” of Jamie Lynn’s pregnancy, Adnan told Entertainment Tonight in an interview last week that the news hasn’t really sunk in for Britney yet and she still doesn’t believe it.

Britney’s “friend” Sam Lufti is bitching about how her family, who reunited with her after Lufti was seen screaming at her while she cowered on the curb outside her house Monday night, is cutting him off from her. Britney’s mom and dad are said to be staging an intervention. Lufti called TMZ’s CEO and told him that Britney’s family is “jealous” of him because “they don’t fit in.” It came out earlier this week that Lufti has three restraining orders against him along with a violent temper.

Britney and Adnan are shown in the header on 1/28 and below on 1/22.

The nasty, two-year-long divorce and custody battle between former Knight Rider/current YouTube star David Hasselhoff and his ex-wife, Pamela Bach, was officially finalized in December. However, the less-than-harmonious ex spouses, who have two children together, are still arguing about the division of certain property. TMZ reports that the former couple appeared in court on Monday to settle a dispute regarding a golf cart and a motorcycle:

David Hasselhoff and his ex are currently in divorce court right now, arguing over who gets to keep one of the family jewels … their golf cart.

TMZ is in a Los Angeles County Courtroom today, where Pamela is asking why she should have to turn over the family golf cart and a motorcycle to David. Although The Hoff is not in attendance, but we’re told he wants both of the items ASAP.

In a late breaking development, the judge just ordered Pamela to return the motorcycle to The Hoff by Wednesday! The fate of the golf cart still hangs in the balance of justice.

[From TMZ]

Somehow, I can’t see Pamela Bach tooling around on a motorcycle or playing the back nine in her fake nails, spike heels and pancake makeup. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that she is holding onto this property with the sole purpose of further hassling The Hoff. Not that David has behaved like a saint throughout this whole ordeal. He has well documented problems with alcohol (do we really need to revisit the whole drunken, shirtless hamburger eating?), and the Daily Mail revealed that on their wedding day, David ambushed his bride-to-be with a last-minute prenup just before they walked down the aisle.

Regardless of whose side you’re on, one thing is clear: these two train wrecks have children together—isn’t it about time one of them took the high road for once and stopped this petty bickering? How about calling a truce on the court proceedings, and putting all that money you’ve been spending on lawyers into a therapy fund for the girls? They’re going to need it.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Header image is an older one of Hasselhoff and Bach.

The Hogans are not my favorite people, and I suspect I am not alone in that opinion. While we might have forgiven them for their awful reality series, we really can’t tolerate their attitude following son Nick’s car accident. First they said the injuries that John Graziano sustained were his own fault for not wearing a seatbelt, even though it was their son who was speeding in the sportscar they bought him. On wet roads, which they blame for the accident. Not the speeding. They bought him that sportscar to stop him driving daddy’s car after he crashed it. Nick is only seventeen and has a list of traffic offenses to his name.

Of course, when your mum is a champion of street racing, you never learn that speeding is bad. It is kids, really bad and you have to be as stupid and narcissistic as Nick not to know it can hurt people.

Linda Bollea (Mrs Hulk Hogan) filed for divorce just after the prospect of being sued by the family of Nick’s victim reared it’s head, and now it seems that assets are missing.

In her seven-page motion - called the wife’s emergency motion for temporary injunction with notice - Bollea says “a marital residence in Florida” was sold for about $10 million in August, the same month their son, Nick Bollea, was involved in a wreck that left a friend critically injured - and exposed his wealthy parents to the possibility of a lawsuit.

According to real estate records, a home in Miami the Bolleas owned was sold in August; however, the price listed in public documents was $17 million.

The following month, Linda Bollea said, her husband introduced her to Tampa lawyer Les Barnett, with the idea that Barnett would represent them jointly regarding estate planning. She said, however, that Barnett and Hogan worked together to draft a post-nuptial agreement Hogan wanted her to sign.

She said that as a result of these conversations, she unwittingly gave Hogan and Barnett “confidential information” that now can be used to her detriment in the couple’s divorce proceedings, the filing says. Bollea does not say what that confidential information is.

As a result of these “legal shenanigans,” Bollea filed for divorce, the motion says. She says Barnett then referred Hogan, whose real name is Terry Bollea, to Ann Kerr, who is now one of his divorce attorneys.

Because of what she described as her husband’s “suspicious” behavior late last year, she said she removed $1.5 million from their accounts, the filing says. But, she says, she has not spent any of that money.

Tampa Bay Online

Of course, why would you hide assets when it seems that there will be no cause for a lawsuit, as victim John Graziano is doing well, according to Hulk Hogan. He must be a doctor as well as a wrestler.

Hulk said of receiving the dreaded phone call informing him of the smash: “That is your worst nightmare as a parent, to hear there’s been a car wreck.”

“Thank God, everything’s getting better - Nick’s doing OK, his buddy John Graziano is getting better everyday. Thank God.”

Entertainmentwise

‘Better is of course a relative term. John can’t breathe for himself, will spend the rest of his life in a nursing home, and can move his eyes but nothing else.

If I was the Hogans, particularly given the financial position they are in, I wouldn’t wait for a lawsuit, I’d just help out the family of John Graziano. I’s give them as much money as they needed to take care of their son, and I’d probably take it out of Nick’s trust fund.

Picture note by Celebitchy: The Hogans are shown at the premiere of the aptly-named Get Rich or Die Tryin on 11/3/05, thanks to PRPhotos.

Brendan Fraser’s marriage may have fallen victim to the dreaded on-set romance that creates and breaks so many Hollywood relationships. Frasier is said to have become too cozy with his latest Mummy installment co-star, Maria Bello, when the two were filming together in China.

Star Magazine quotes a source as saying “Brendan and Maria would disappear together for hours at a time,” and claims that their flirtatious relationship was obvious to all the cast and crew:

Star has learned that the 39-year-old father of three has grown closer to Maria Bello, his costar on The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor! “Brendan and Maria became tight because the shoot in China was challenging, and Maria was a friendly face,” a source tells Star. “They had chemistry for sure. It lit up the set, and everyone commented on it.”

[From Star Magazine, print edition, January 28, 2008]

Fashionable Bello, 40, is a single mom who Star notes “was last linked to production assistant Bryn Mooser.”

If this is true and not just guesswork it makes me sad. Fraser has three children with his estranged wife, Afton Smith. They have three boys: Griffin Arthur, 5, Holden Fletcher, 3, and Leland, 21 months. As the mother of a toddler you can see how having three kids can put a strain on a relationship, and they were probably having other issues that were complicated by this possible on-set flirtation. Still, you can’t help but get a little indignant at the thought of a husband leaving the mother of his children for someone he works with. We’ll have to wait and see if this is more than a rumor and if these two are a new couple.

Maria Bello is shown at the 7th Annual Awards Season Diamond Fashion Show Preview on 1/10/08. Brendan Fraser is shown at the 2005 Vanity Fair Oscar party, thanks to PRPhotos.

The world’s longest custody battle still continues, with Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen again appearing in court to squabble over whether their daughters Sam, 3, and Lola, 2, should be allowed to appear in a reality TV show with mother Denise. I guess she has to raise the funds for her endless custody battle from somewhere.

Just to bring you up to speed, the couple first filed for divorce in March 2005, following their June 2002 wedding. They briefly reconciled but decided to proceed with the divorce in January 2006, when Lola was six months old. The divorce was finalized in November 2006, but the custody battle has continued right up until this January, following one request from Charlie Sheen to be able to choose his own nannies, and one from Denise Richards to stop the girls staying with Charlie overnight.

Now, the couple are back in court because Denise Richards wants to have her own reality show, and feature her children in it.

“This goes against everything Sheen believes in… and he feels it’s exploitative of the children for the mother’s own vanity and greed,” a source close to Sheen reveals to Extra.

In order for their girls to appear on the show, Sheen has to give his approval. So far, he has refused. Richards will reportedly ask the court to revoke Sheen’s power as father in this particular matter, so she can move forward with the show without his consent.

OK! Magazine

What would the Denise Richards reality show feature? Her getting dressed all pretty and taking her kids to the park? She actually has a couple of movies coming out soon, including Jolene and Deep In The Valley, does she really need a reality show?

She doesn’t have a lead role in either film, and one looks like a teenage flick (there’s a character called ‘Officer Brittany Speared’) but surely that is paying the bills. One thing is for sure, and that is that television does not need another lame celebrity starring in a lame reality show. Can’t we just resolve the writer’s strike and go back to half hour sitcoms?

Denise Richards new movie, Blonde and Blonder, played in fourteen cinemas and made $26,500 in its opening weekend just past.

Picture note by Celebitchy Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen are shown at the Hammerstein Ballroom in NY on 11/2/03 in the header image. Charlie used to be really hot. Photo below is of Denise on probably Sam at the Ratatouille premiere on 6/22/07. Thanks to PRPhotos.