Jessica Simpson’s new line of boots is god-awful. She doesn’t make it any better by dressing like this when she goes out. Maybe these big tan monstrosities would look ok with a short skirt and some boho jewelry, but when paired with tight jeans, a white polo top, and a baseball cap over messy hair you can see just how ugly they are.

Hollywood Tuna says there’s no question that Ashlee is the hotter sister now, and unfortunately we have to agree. Get your act together, Jess, hit the gym and get a new stylist. Don’t talk to Rachel Zoe, though, she’ll just make you into a pencil thin clone.

In related news, Nick Lachey says he’s not sure why his nearly 4-year marriage with Jessica ended, and gives a diplomatic answer when questioned:

That’s quite classy of him. In my opinion, Jessica was just too immature to handle the ups and downs of a long term committed relationship.

Here is Jessica out shopping for groceries on 9/13. [via]

Update: You guys are right, I shouldn’t have told Simpson to “hit the gym,” it was an offhand comment and she is in no way fat. I still am not fond of her style, though.

Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson’s divorce was finalized in early July. Nick was offered an insulting $1.5 million settlement by Jessica’s creepy father, Joe Simpson, in early June. The couples joint assets are valued at well over $30 million, so that was truly a piss poor amount. (Albeit one that would change most anyone else’s life.)

Nick was said to be holding out for a relatively paltry $8 million, which he lowered to just $5 million.

Now Nick and Jessica have reached an undisclosed settlement, but Nick’s share is said to be well less than half of the couple’s assets:

Lachey’s people could have leaked that news to make him seem like a good guy, but he is a good guy. There’s no blaming Simpson, since she generally seems to do what people tell her and simple math is probably way above her head. Now she’ll have more cash to buy terrible ill-fitting fashion thanks to her daddy playing hardball.

Here is Jessica in NY yesterday. Photos courtesy of SweetKisses.net

Thanks to Haute Gossip for pointing out that Kate Hudson has a bare left ring finger in these candids of her leaving Nobu in Malibu with some poorly-dressed friends on Friday. Word was that Kate and Chris Hudson might reconcile after announcing their separation just three weeks ago. They were seen out with their three year-old son, Ryder, and there was a rumor that they were going to attend a NASCAR event together. That doesn’t seem too romantic, and it might not have been enough to save their marriage.

Chris was said to have involved Kate in threesomes and group sex while on tour with his band, The Black Crowes. There was a recent blind item in the NY Post that suggested that a famous woman involved in a high-profile breakup was more into the women in the menage a trois she was involved with than her husband. Many people assumed it was about Hudson. Let’s hope the chicks she liked were hotter than the ones she’s hanging out with now.

Pictures from Hollywood’s Best.

A new article in Life and Style claims that as Richie Sambora and Heather Locklear’s high-profile divorce is close to reaching a settlement, Richie is having second thoughts and realizes how much he loves his wife of 11 years. He even sent a $500 pink and red rose bouquet to Heather.

Wow. He must realize what he’s missing with Heather. Sambora was said to be totally surprised to be served divorce papers this February and even denied to the press that he and Heather were split. Maybe he’s not ready to let go.

If that’s true, it’s got to piss off his media-whore girlfriend, Denise Richards. Denise recently reached an amicable “interim” settlement with her ex, Charlie Sheen, who she famously skewered in the press on the eve of his children’s clothing line launch. Denise didn’t renew a restraining order against Sheen and according to their lawyers they’re getting along.

Denise and Richie were said to be planning a wedding for early next year, and Denise was seen wearing what looked like an engagement ring. She followed Richie to Europe while he was touring with Bon Jovi and seemed really needy in the relationship. If this is true then he’s obviously sick of her. Men don’t usually like women who hang all over them.

Carmen Electra has officially filed for divorce from Dave Navarro. The two were married for 2 years and 8 months.

Dave is now said to be dating former porn star Jenna Jameson.

It turns out that gig with HGTV may not work out for Star Jones, because they deny having any plans to hire her, and so do Fox News and CNN, two other networks she claimed to be in talks with. Now that Star is talk show poison, her husband, Al Reynolds, seems to have decided there’s no reason to continue his sham marriage. He was spotted at the NY office of a high profile divorce attorney:

Once big gay Al divorces her, Star could channel her anger and become a homophobic conservative. That might help her land a gig on FOX. She could spread her unique brand of vile across the airways. Hatred is a smidgeon more believable coming from a minority. That’s how Michelle Malkin got famous.

When doing my three minutes worth of research for this post, I came across the website for Star Jones and Al Reynold’s wedding, dated Fall, 2004. They commit a couple cardinal sins of web design with a stupid Flash entry page and making people enter their e-mail address to access content (I entered “biggayal@hotmail.com” This worked fine).

Regardless it’s clear they protest too much. I couldn’t read through all the glurge about their relationship because it kind of made me sick to my stomach. Here are some choice quotes made hysterical by this latest news:

God may be powerful and all, but He can’t make a gay person straight, no matter how much they hype their wedding with a formerly obese talk show host.

We weren’t holding our breath, but we were kind of hoping Nick and Jessica would get back together. Jessica wore her wedding ring around her neck for a while, and Nick told Rolling Stone that he still loved his wife of two years, but ultimately Jessica’s immaturity and Nick’s wild oats won out and now the two are officially divorced. The divorce was made final on June 30. No word yet as to the settlement amount. Jessica’s dad tried to low-ball Nick into accepting a $1.5 million settlement, while Nick is said to have asked for a more realistic $8 million that he lowered to $5 million.

Nick is dating MTV VJ Vanessa Minnillo while Jessica may be with her co-star in the upcoming film “Employee of the Month,” comedian Dane Cook. Cook was involved with someone else at the time of filming, but is now single and said to be getting cosy with Jessica.

This is sad news for Nick and Jessica fans, and should serve as a warning to all women who try to hold out before marriage and then get married young because they can’t wait.

Here is Jessica in NY on 6/28. She’s wearing the deadly long jeans/platform sandals combo that caused Britney’s near baby-drop. Nick Lachey is shown performing a private concert for Q-100 listeners on 6/29.

Charlie Sheen, 40, is dating 28-year-old real estate investor Brooke Wolofsky. Sheen brought Wolofsky as his date to the 2006 Butterfly Ball in Los Angeles this weekend. His publicist confirmed their relationship:

That’s good for Sheen, and hopefully it will last for him. Now that his ex Denise Richards has shown what an attention whore she is I don’t like her at all, and am kind of siding with him in the divorce.

Richards defended the fact that she’s dating and possibly engaged to BonJovi guitarist Richie Sambora, saying that Heather Locklear wasn’t really her best friend and that you can’t help it when you fall in love:

She’s full of shit and that’s lousy to say “oh, I wasn’t that close to Heather anyway.” She shouldn’t go on so much about it, and just looks as desperate as she did when she dressed like a slutty majorette to perform with the PussyCat Dolls.

Here are Sheen and Wolofsky. She looks like a decent person and we’ll have to see how it turns out. If she has some of the same problems with Charlie that Denise did, we’ll rethink our opinion of him. He’s not a saint, but he’s probably not as bad as Denise makes out.

Nick Lachey hooked up with MTV VJ and former fling Vanessa Minnillo in Atlantic City after meeting up with her at a club on Sunday night. They left together and things must have heated up quickly for the pair, because they were then spotted in Mexico together according to PerezHilton:

It is difficult to tell whether they were in Mexico first and planned to meet up at the club, or if they met in Atlantic City and promptly jetted off to the vacation spot. Either way, it looks like they’re back together and that this means curtains for Nick’s relationship with stylist Kim Kardashian.

Kardashian, who was linked to Nick after a romantic movie date on May 24th, has been seen out shopping and attending events with Paris Hilton. Her friendship with the flightly self-centered heiress couldn’t have helped her relationship with Lachey, whose friends thought Kardshian’s status as an outsider from the usual Hollywood circle was part of what made her attractive to Lachey. Kardashian’s gorgeous looks couldn’t have hurt, either.

This is also bad news for poor Jessica Simpson. She seems to have come to terms with the fact that it’s over between her and Nick, because she may have approved of his relationship with Kardashian. Jessica reportedly sent her best friend and ex-assistant Cacee Cobb to check out Kardashian for her, and Cacee is said to have called Kim “nice.” Nick and Jessica’s divorce may be final on June 17th, and it looks like Nick is moving on with style.

Here is Lachey promoting his album at Lucky Strike lanes in Chicago on June 12th and at the Borgata Hotel Casino fight weekend after party on June 11th. He is shown with Tyson Beckford. The poor quality inset images are of Minnillo and Lachey in Cabo San Lucas.

Yes, I know I already talked about these people today, but this is big news – it means that K-Fed realizes that his cash flow is about to be seriously restricted, and is resorting to a backup plan of living beyond his means like an average mallrat wannabe rapper from the ‘burbs:

Ok, so Kevin has a somewhat smarter plan – he hopes to stick Britney with the bill during the divorce. That means the big D-Day is coming, people!

Of course Kevin is said to be jealous of gorgeous helpful Perry, who is getting a lot more positive press as Britney’s bodyguard than K-Fed ever did as her deadbeat husband. He must be reading TMZ like the rest of us, because he can’t get jealous of Perry in person since he’s never been seen with him. He aso hasn’t been photographed with Britney in over two months.

Here are some scans from Star courtesy of BreatheHeavy.com. You can read Star’s article about Perry that’s similar to news we’ve already posted. He’s a great guy and is changing Sean Preston’s diapers, helping Britney around the house, and generally pissing off absent Kevin.